Remember Your Children are Watching You

By Lavinia Masters

What kind of behavior do you display around your children? What is acceptable for them to see?

Not just on television or on the radio but what do they see you do at home?

Do you allow your children to see you showing appropriate affection towards others or affection that they are too young to understand but are able to imitate.

Do you allow your children to see you act out as if it you were participating in some drama scene when you become upset with others...remember your children look up to you and nine times out of ten whatever they see their parents do...in their minds it appears acceptable...and they can use it against you.

I remember an instance where a parent was a childhood victim of sexual abuse and never really got closure from it. Her daughter would watch her as she would get so upset about it and cry to others on the phone about it yet never explained to her daughter what she was going through. However she never realized that her child was watching and soon discovered that this was a "trigger" point for her mother in her life.

So one day the little girl got into trouble at school and knew that her mother would punish her and in an effort to save the anger of her mother she told her mother that the teacher "touched" her inappropriately.

Well you can only imagine what happened next...not only did she stir up those conflicting emotions in her mother but her plot to flip the anger worked. Later it was discovered that the little girl had lied on her teacher and the mother was devastated and wanted to know why did she make up such a story!

Long lesson short...the little girl had watch her mother basically become unglued when it came to her talking about her childhood sexual abuse...and the child knew that this would throw her into a "frenzy" if she said that someone committed this barbaric act to her.

I later shared with the mother that children learn the majority of things from home and their parents and we have to be careful not only what we say but what we do around our children. We are a silent video and they are the audience. They take in and absorb everything we say or do...whether negative or positive.
Furthermore if you are suffering from things such as the trauma that childhood sexual abuse brings then we should seek some sort of counseling or help and talk about such things with our children to help or prevent these acts from happening to them.

So next time you curse out your neighbor, light up that cigarette, talk about your friend behind their backs, take something that does not belong to you, or act out uncontrollably when you have been a victim of a past circumstance....remember your children are watching.

Lavinia Masters is the Founder of S.A.V.E. Ministry and is an outspoken speaker and advocate for sexual abuse victims. 

Victim Empowering for Africa

By Lavinia Masters

Many of you know that being a victim of sexual assault does not bear any honor. As a matter of fact sexual assault is one of the most demeaning, destructive and heinous crimes that could ever happen to a human being. Normally after being a victim of sexual violence an individual is known to have no peace nor believe that their life or way of living cold ever be restored. I know and I concur because I was a victim of sexual assault…however I am now a survivor that has been given the opportunity to take the evil that has been stricken upon me and use it for the greater good so that others may know that there is life after the untimely mental, emotional and spiritual, death after sexual assault.

Recently Bode Technology and Inqaba Biotec held a Victim Empowerment DNA Forensics Conference throughout various regions of South Africa. I still remember the call like it was yesterday. Chris Asplen, the former Assistant US Attorney General for Janet Reno under the Clinton Administration, called and said that there was a need for me to share my victim story as I empower others of my survival and life after DNA. You see I was one of the victims that cases went “cold” over a period of time and was not solved until over 20 years later by the use of science and DNA Forensics. At first I was sure that this was a scam because why would someone be willing to fly me all the way to South Africa from Texas just to tell a story of sexual assault and my life after since DNA.

I later learned that the call for me to come to South Africa was not only legitimate but unfortunately so was the need. You see according to a survey for the period 1998–2000 compiled by the United Nations, South Africa was ranked first for rapes per capita. In 1998, one in three of the 4,000 women questioned in Johannesburg was raped, according to CIET Africa. Also South Africa has some of the highest incidences of child and baby rape in the world. A survey by CIET found 60% of both boys and girls thought it was not violent to force sex upon someone they knew, while around 11% of boys and 4% of girls admitted to forcing someone else to have sex with them. In a related survey conducted among 1,500 schoolchildren in the Johannesburg township of Soweto, a quarter of all the boys interviewed said that 'jackrolling', a term for gang rape, was fun. More than half the interviewees insisted that when a girl says no to sex she really means yes.

So you can imagine that the more I understood the growing issue of sexual violence in Africa and the thousands of cases that go unsolved and prosecuted… that I had to accept the call. This was not only an opportunity to go and convince the magistrates and powers that be that the use of DNA Forensics would not only help identify perpetrators of sexual violence but hopefully bring the number of incidences down by an alarming rate while at the same time empower the victim throughout the process. This is what I was called to do…being a sexual assault survivor is now my badge of honor.

Not only am I testimony that you can survive after something as heinous as sexual assault but I am a witness that having your crime solved through DNA can bring total closure for some and a peace of mind for others. I use to say that sexual violence has the same effects on victims no matter what race, color, gender or status quo and after visiting a country as beautiful as South Africa with the impoverished and wealthy citizens; I know that without a shadow of doubt that this statement is true. We live in a country that has made so many advances in science and technology and great movements for the rights and safety of our people that sometimes I wonder if we forget about those that are less fortunate than us. No one deserves to be violated and everyone deserves to be healed.

Proudly, I filled in my missing pieces to a much larger puzzle for the advancement and safety of all mankind when I accepted the call to Africa. I stood proud as an American that now live in completion because others sacrificed their time and talents to help in my healing process. I was once that victim that gave myself foolishly to men as I looked for love in all the wrong places yet now I am a victor that give of myself willingly to those that feel that there is no peace after their trauma. As that victim I questioned God as to why He allowed such a horrific thing to happen to me but as a victor I now thank God for He has not only given me the strength and courage to heal but to help others as He uses me as a vessel for an assignment such as this.

Overall I know that the conference was a success as the team that was assembled gave powerful presentations of the win-win consequences of DNA for Africa. My prayer is that all mankind becomes more involved for all mankind. There is no room for selfishness when it comes to protecting ones way of living or the freedom to be free. As a human race we need to remove all borders and tunnel vision if we want our world to survive. It is hard to fight an invisible monster but through the use and science of DNA, God has given us visibility and with this visibility we can expose, destroy and bring justice to this worldwide monster…the monster of sexual violence.



Lavinia B. Masters is the Founder of S.A.V.E. Ministry http://saveministry.org

Real Weapons of Mass Destruction

By Lavinia Masters

As a young girl in school I was always taught that a weapon of mass destruction is a weapon that can kill and bring significant harm to a large number of humans (and other life forms) and/or cause great damage to man-made structures (e.g. buildings), natural structures (e.g. mountains), or the biosphere in general. In other words this weapon has the capacity to inflict death and destruction indiscriminately and on a massive scale. However the scope and application of the term has evolved and been disputed, often signifying more politically than technically.

Today I challenge what politics and society consider weapons of mass destruction because in this life I have come to discover a mass of weapons and evil devices that not only destroy the human being but these weapons destroy the human spirit. The weapons that I speak of all leave a devastating and long lasting negative effect on the victims yet they are weapons that seem to not be prioritized by politicians and society today when it comes to seeking and destroying them.

The weapons that I speak of also carry the capacity to inflict death and destruction indiscriminately and on a massive scale and they are sexual abuse/assault, domestic violence, stalking, human trafficking and missing and exploited children. These indeed are all the real weapons of mass destruction. These are heinous and horrendous crimes that happen to the young and old, rich or poor, black or white, male or female. These weapons not only destroy the individual lives and their way of living but they also destroy their families, friends, loved ones and their communities.

Did you know that the impact of sexual abuse on children can be devastating and long-lasting because children are generally victimized by someone they should be able to trust and depend on, they may not realize that the abuse is wrong and not their fault? Even after much time has passed, the effects of sexual abuse are powerful and it has been found that the long-term effects of maltreatment to include poor self-esteem, difficulty trusting others, anxiety, feelings of isolation and stigma, depression, self-destructive tendencies, sexual maladjustment, and substance abuse. In addition to these effects, a survivor of sexual abuse/ assault may develop Rape-related Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (RR-PTSD) and have possible physiological effects such as hyper vigilance (always being "on your guard"), insomnia, exaggerated startle response (jumpiness) ,panic attacks ,eating problems/disorders, self-mutilation (cutting, burning or otherwise hurting oneself),Sexual dysfunction (not being able to perform sexual acts) and hyper arousal (exaggerated feelings/responses to stimuli).

Then there is domestic violence which is the single major cause of injury to women, more significant than auto accidents, rapes, or muggings. In fact, the emotional and psychological abuse inflicted by batterers may be more costly to treat in the short-run than physical injury. Many of the physical injuries sustained by women seem to cause medical difficulties as women grow older and to add insult to injury battered women lose their jobs because of absenteeism due to illness as a result of the violence. Although the long term effects of domestic violence have not begun to be fully documented battered women suffer physical and mental problems as a result of domestic violence. Then it’s sad how survivors of domestic violence seem to often lose family and friends as a result of the battering. Generally because first, the batterer isolates them from family and friends then second, they become embarrassed by the abuse inflicted upon them and withdraw from support persons to avoid embarrassment.

Then there is a weapon that sometimes attacks us all and some are still unaware that they are indeed or have been a victim and that is the weapon of stalking; which is the crime of harassing somebody with persistent, inappropriate, and unwanted attention. Rokkers wrote, "Stalking is a form of mental assault, in which the perpetrator repeatedly, unwontedly, and disruptively breaks into the life-world of the victim, with whom they have no relationship (or no longer have)." For the most part, the separate acts that make up the intrusion cannot by themselves cause the mental abuse, but taken together they do, as there is a cumulative effect. Stalking leaves a victim unsure or living in the fear of what would happen to them next or afraid that the behavior would not stop not to mention that their stalker would not only cause bodily harm to them but their child or other family member.

Now on the other hand the weapon of human trafficking does not only affect victims, it takes a toll on the child or children of the victim. Many a times, victims strive to survive, even when they do not know the way out to protect their children. Virtually every country in the world is affected by human trafficking, either as a country of origin, transit or destination for victims. Due to the nature of trafficking there are three constituent elements that make up human trafficking, firstly the act; the recruitment, transportation, transfer, harboring or receipt of persons, the means; threat or use of force, coercion, abduction, fraud and abuse of power and the purpose; for the purpose of exploitation, which includes exploiting the prostitution of others, sexual exploitation, forced labor, slavery or similar practices and the removal of organs. One alarming fact about this weapon is that women constitute the largest proportion of trafficked persons and with over half of trafficked victims being women they are the ones forced into sexual slavery and prostitution. The mass of trafficking victims are between 18-24 years of age, with also an estimated 1.2 million children trafficked yearly.

Then the last weapon I want you to consider destroys on such a massive level that it was one of my worst nightmares when I had my son; this weapon attacks like a thief in the night and that is the weapon of missing children. When a child is kidnapped or abducted, he/she is put into captivity against their will. When a person who was missing as a result of abduction is found, they can have adverse psychological effects. Abduction is a very traumatic experience in which the victim has suffered through an emotional and physical ordeal. The experience can be so traumatic it will take time and possibly professional help to assist in coping with it. The sad part about this weapon is that some children are never found and some children when they are found are no longer alive.

So I ask you how can we sit idly by and let these weapons of mass destruction continue to destroy our lives, our families, communities and the world without trying to find a solution. How do we consciously continue to say we love our children, communities and country when we are found lacking in the support of fighting against these heinous crimes? What do our children learn when they see us take the “backseat” to making changes in the laws or legislation when it comes to addressing that we as a society find an end to the real weapons of mass destruction.

You see school may have taught me a lot on how the way things should be defined but life has shown me how life really is. These weapons of mass destruction have been launched all over the world and they are subtly stealing, killing and destroying our world. I ask, are you prepared to fight in this battle…you should be because no one is exempt.

Darkness to Light

By Lavinia Masters

Darkness in contrast with brightness is a relative absence of visible light. It has an appearance of black in a color space. When light is not present, rod and cone cells within the eye are not stimulated and this lack of stimulation means that photoreceptor cell are unable to distinguish color frequency and wave length. The resulting perception is achromatic (or without color) and in the case of darkness…black.

The emotional reaction to darkness has metaphorical importance in many cultures…such as science: a dark object absorbs photons (a quantum of visible light) and therefore appears dim in comparison to other objects. Therefore light can simply be absorbed without limit because energy like visible light cannot be created or destroyed. It can however only be converted from one type of energy to another. Most objects absorb visible light and remit it as an infrared light so although an object may appear dark; it is likely bright at frequency that a human eye cannot see.

Then if we speak poetically about darkness we find that darkness can also mean the presence of shadows, evil and depression. Religious texts often use darkness to make a visual point. In the Bible, darkness was the second to last plague (Exodus 10:21) and the location of “weeping and gnashing of teeth” (Matthew 8:12). The use of darkness as a rhetorical device has a long standing tradition. Shakesphere referenced satan in his plays as the “prince” of darkness; while Chaucer a 14th Century Middle English writer, wrote that knights must cast away the “worker of darkness” and Dante described hell as “solid darkness stained”.

Moreover if we speak about darkness artistically we discover that darkness can also be used to emphasize or contrast with light. Take color paints for example they are mixed together to create darkness because each color absorbs certain frequencies of light.

So emotionally, physically and mentally this is the place where I dwelled after July 31, 1985…darkness. This was the night that I was brutally raped and attacked in the privacy of my own home as a child. This is the night that I thought day would never come and my “dark areas” had so limited light sources that it made things hard to see.

My life was in contrast with brightness, my life had an absence of visible light, my life had the appearance of “black” in all my color space and because there was no light present my life was no longer stimulated and because I could no longer distinguish life from death my will to survive was “black”.

It was not until after I almost lost all that I had, which was my family, that I realized that the overshadowing of my darkness was way too loud and I needed to find my way back to light. I not only desired to be visible to the human eye but I desired my life, heart, soul and purpose to be stimulated. I desired to begin to distinguish my joys from my pains and to replace my fears with bravery. I no longer wanted to absorb all the mixed emotions and self inflicted pain that being a victim carries.

I had to understand and believe that the visible light that God had created within me was not created by my circumstances so therefore it could not be destroyed by my circumstances. I realized that a victim that lives in the shadows of darkness not lonely remains depressed but has a tendency of depressing everyone that comes into contacts with them. When I looked into the mirror I did not like what I could not see…I did not see life, I did not see hope, I did not see a future, I did not see joy, I did not see peace and worst of all I could not see me.

Sexual and relationship violence are occurrences that no one likes to talk about but unfortunately they are indeed occurrences that happen every day…even as you read this blog. So as advocates and survivors we not only have to continue to speak up and out against these types of offences but we also have to learn how to protect, preserve and nourish the survivor in all of us.

As survivors we must learn that you are and deserve the best because God created you and designed you after His own image. A survivor is a person of worth, a person of beauty, a person of strength but most importantly a person of courage! Darkness has no place where there is worth and it cannot overshadow beauty… let it also be understood that darkness is weak where there is strength and darkness breaks loose where courage presides.

Let your light shine through your darkness…let your light lead you from the darkness.



Lavinia B. Masters is the Founder of S.A.V.E. Ministries which assists victims of sexual abuse and intimate partner violence in the Dallas, TX area, and the author of Breathe Again.

Male Survivors Are Victims Too

By Lavinia Masters

He sat on the edge of the hospital bed clothed only in a thin hospital gown that opened from the back. His face was that of a frightened little boy that was in fact a tormented young man. The police stood over him as they wrote out his horrendous account if his traumatic acts of sexual violence against him. As his aunt sat quietly in the corner you could not only see the pain in her eyes but the vacant expression as she wondered how could her own family member manipulate, abuse and sodomize their own flesh and blood?

He was only 14 years old and the abuse had began at the tender age of 8 years old when the abuser uncle had moved in with his other aunt and uncle that he now resided with. He had to move in with his relatives because he had already suffered enough in a home of a mother that was a crack addict and a man that he only knew as a “dead beat dad”. He had already come from hell… only to coexist with the devil himself.

The night I entered that hospital room, I had to do a double take because although I knew that sexual abuse was not a known discriminator, I had never personally encountered a male victim myself. There before me was a young boy that just wanted to be normal yet did not want to cause any further harm or destruction to his family. Why did he try to take on such a major responsibility? Why did he feel that he was the one that needed to protect the family especially after what his family has taken him through? He was just a boy and as I looked at him on the edge of that bed, I was able to see that he was no longer a young boy that was sodomized by his uncle in a disgusting act of sexual abuse but that he was another child that had been a “victim” of sexual abuse.

Male survivors of sexual abuse are more prevalent than what I think we actually know and want to believe. It is the same as we know and realize that the counts of sexual violent crimes against children are not only high but alarming and over 50% of them are not reported. The effects of sexual abuse can be very confusing for children. For a child, it often involves being used or hurt by a trusted adult. The child might learn that the only way to get attention or love is to give something sexual or give up their self-respect. No child should have to live this way…female or male.

I watched this young man tell his story as I felt the horror that he tried to hide with a face of numbness. My heart connected with his…not only as a survivor of sexual violence but as a mother that was grieving for her child. He needed to know that everything that happened to him over the course of the last 6 years was not his fault and in spite of it all that everything was going to be alright. He needed someone to listen openly and judge silently. He wanted someone to say I am here for you physically and be there for him mentally and spiritually…he needed me.

When the police finally made their reports and prepared for the arrest of this monster that was known to him as his uncle… the SANE nurse finally came to take him away for his exam. He looked to me as if he needed some form of approval from me and as I nodded my head, I told him that he will be alright and to trust that the nurse would not harm him. With that she rolled him away and I along with his aunt awaited his return to the room. As I watched him being wheeled away I could not help but think about my own son having to face a gruesome destiny such as this.

He entered this world as an innocent child but is living the life of an adult that has endured many afflictions. He did not ask for the abuse nor did he ask for the hurt or shame but unfortunately this was hand the hand that he was dealt and his job now is just trying to survive. He was a young man born of a woman and he is now a young victim scarred by the affects of sexual violence. The abuse saw no gender, the abuse saw no age, the abuse only saw an opportunity and the abuse violated a child and left him living the life of a victim.

He returned to the room and in his eyes I saw the same look of re-victimization that I had when through at the age of 13 years old after my SANE exam following my assault. I shared this painful story with him and I told him that I knew what he was going through. Perplexed was the next look I received as he tried to comprehend the peace that now took over my demeanor after enduring sexual violence as a child. I explained to him all my past feelings and disgusts but that now I am just as normal and at peace after my own “healing” after sexual trauma and assured him that he could be too.

We talked awhile longer and as he shed a few tears he was able to replace them with laughter because he now realized that as we shared openly that he had begun to unlock the chains that had locked him in his silence for far too long! In that moment he saw that he was able to rise above the hurt, humiliation and trauma that sexual abuse caused. He had actually begun to feel free, he had actually began to believe that he could become whole again and that if he could just hold on a little while longer that everything would be restored.

As I prepared to depart that night, I gave him a teddy bear and packet of resources and referrals to get him started on his road to recovery. I then gave him a hug and as he squeezed me tightly with a heart full of gratitude, he said I love you… and at that moment I believed that male survivors can be victims too. This is a myth that has been instilled through masculine gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the "macho image," declaring that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims or even vulnerable. When in all honesty, boys are children…and just like girls they are weaker and more vulnerable than their perpetrators.

So you can imagine how I applaud and thank Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry as they bring over 200 men together to speak up and out about their abuse. I am also excited that I am not a lone ranger in offering support and prayer to male survivors as they battle with the many demons of sexual trauma because unfortunately males may be more damaged by society's refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their resultant belief that they must "tough it out" in silence. No one should have to suffer or “tough it out” in silence…especially a child…whether it’s a boy or a girl.

When rain falls it does not know whether it is falling on all the little boys or little girls in the world such as the sun shining…gender has never been a reason for it to discriminate. Moreover the moon gives light to all that is under its covering as well as the stars share their illumination upon every species in this world. So is the devastating and non discriminatory ways of sexual abuse…when it affects one it affects us all. Remembering as an advocate we are to advocate for justice, healing, empowerment, awareness and peace for all victims…including males.

No Good News

By Lavinia Masters

Last night I was reading over the internet and did a recent search on sexual abuse/assault in the news.  During my search I found that in Naperville, Illinois a man was charged in sexual abuse of a young girl, 9 years of age.  The twist to it was that the accused admitted to the police that he had a sexual relationship with the young girl but claimed at one point that the child instigated the conduct. 


Next I read that over in St. Louis County that 2 teenagers were facing 12 charges for attacks on two women.  The story goes that Police say one of the women was in a parked car waiting for her friend at an apartment complex. As the friend walked to the car, two men followed her and robbed both women at gunpoint.  It went onto to say that the men ordered the driver to go to another location, where one woman was raped and the other sexually assaulted.

Then there was the story of an Orange County police officer that has been charged with forcibly sodomizing two women, both of whom he dated briefly.  Jesse Andrew Green, 33, who has been with the Garden Grove Police Department since 2006, is currently on non-paid administrative leave, was apparently in a short-lived relationship with a 41-year-old Santa Ana woman he met online in 2006. In August of that year, he allegedly forcibly sodomized the woman while she screamed and struggled to escape. Green reportedly made threatening statements to scare the victim and left her home.  Then in November 2009, Green met another woman through a mutual friend. During their first date, Green allegedly forcibly sodomized her at his Huntington Beach apartment. The victim, 40, fought him off and was able to escape.

As I forced myself to not become nauseated from all the disturbing allegations of sexual violence in one day, I then found and article that stated that a priest was videotaped having sex with a teen.  It went on to read that a lawsuit was filed because a Berks County couple became suspicious of the Roman Catholic priest who was supposed to be helping their daughter, so they secretly set up a video camera in the basement of their home -- and caught him having sex with the 18-year-old.  Bonilla seduced the girl while she was 17 and a senior at Reading Central Catholic High School, and they had a sexual relationship that led to her giving birth at age 19, the suit says.  It also states that the parents allowed their daughter to meet with the priest for counseling because she had severe mental health issues as a result of prior sexual abuse by another man, the suit says. It says she also suffered from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.


Now I was done.  I could not take any more of the disturbing news that graced the wonderful world that we call the internet.  So much tragedy and destruction left in the lives of so many victims and unfortunately there will be so many more to be occur.  I was convinced that after reading such a widespread of global devastation that sexual violence had indeed become a pandemic.

It is no longer a heinous crime that happens to women for it now happens to girls, men and boys.  Sexual violence does not discriminate between a prostitute and an innocent child.  Nor does it see color or gender.  Sexual Violence has no remorse for an infant that has no idea of what is happening to their bodies or does it cares about the elderly and their possible health issues.  Sexual violence is a hideous monster!

I went back online to search the dictionary for their meaning of sexual violence…the response…no results found.  Figures… because even the world does not have a true meaning or understanding of sexual violence and what it means to a victim.

One of the ways that I would define sexual violence…is a violent life changing, mind altering experience that occurs when another violates a person’s private and intimate space without permission, respect or regard.  The sad part about being violated is when that person is your father, your priest, your neighbor, your friend, your relative or loved one, and yes even a stranger…in other words…the sad part about being violated is just that…sad.

Finally, I completely turned off my computer because I could not take anymore “no good” news from the wonderful world of the internet.  Then it set in…although I may walk away from the news … the occurrences are still happening and sexual violence is still prevalent.  Many victims are yet suffering and many lives are still being destroyed.

Some little girl is afraid to undress in gym class because she is afraid that others will know that her daddy uncovers her nakedness at his discretion.  Then there is that young boy that is confused about his sexuality because Father Joseph told him that the only way to salvation is through him allowing him to violate and sodomize him and that he will burn in the pits of hell if he utters a word to anyone.

 Please let us not forget about the young lady that takes a razor to her flesh because her mind tells her that pain is what she has to accept because of all the abuse she endures and finally there’s the prostitute that walks the streets not only feigning for sex but drugs and alcohol because she is so numb and beat down from her bouts with sexual trauma that she doesn’t even know whether she is coming or going yet alone the true identity of the fathers of her children.

You see sexual violence is beyond traumatic…it is devastating.  Not only in the lives of the victims but those that love and support them.  Sexual violence has to be stopped and sexual violence has to be addressed.  It is a pandemic that we have to face head on and aggressively.  We may turn off our internet and television but we cannot disregard the tragedy that happens in the lives of individuals on a daily basis.


We have to shed our “selfish” coats and armor ourselves with compassion and concern in order to fight for the rights and protection of victims and others.  Sexual Violence should be regarded like AIDS, Breast Cancer, Domestic Violence, or any other devastating or traumatic occurrence because when it affects one… it affects us all.

So let’s end “no good” news today by speaking up and out against sexual violence, reporting abuse or suspected abuse to authorities, funding entities that support sexual violence awareness and programs, rallying Legislation and Law enforcement to change, implement and enforce laws.  Stand up and be counted for because remember… after all sexual violence does not discriminate.

What Is Justice……

By Lavinia Masters

What is the true meaning of justice and how is it really defined? The dictionary states that justice is the quality of being just; righteousness, equitableness, or moral rightness: to uphold the justice of a cause or the administering of deserved punishment or reward. In regards to our justice system the courts like to display the symbol of “Lady Justice”, the Roman Goddess of justice, most often depicted with a set of scales typically suspended from her left hand, upon which she measures the strengths of a case's support and opposition. She is also often seen carrying a double-edged sword in her right hand, symbolizing the power of Reason and Justice, which may be wielded either for or against any party. Finally she is also shown wearing blindfolds which is done in order to indicate that justice is (or should be) meted out objectively, without fear or favor, regardless of identity, money, power, or weakness: blind justice and blind impartiality. But I ask you… is this always the case?

I recently listened to the news of Pro Football Hall of Famer, Lawrence Taylor being indicted by the grand jury in New York on the charges of third degree rape and patronizing a prostitute and I went numb. Then remembering back just a few months ago, in March I believe, there was another pro football player, Ben Roethlisberger, which was accused for the second time in less than a year of a sexual assault of a young lady in a night club but for some reason, that is still unclear to me, the DA dropped the charges due to insufficient evidence however at that time I was livid.

Being an advocate and survivor of sexual assault you have a tendency to want to see all rapists suffer for the crimes against innocent victims but there are times in this walk that you question your purpose and the fight. Although I have never been a fan of football or any other sport for that matter I have been intrigued to follow the behavior and the actions of some of these “star athletes” and the power that their money and fame gives them. Here we have two athletes brought up on the same charges just months apart and one gets indicted and faces up to 4 years in prison while the other walks away only with suspension and resumes his position and status as a star football player….hmmm…so I ask the question again…what is justice and how is it defined?

I wrestled with each case over and over again and my spirit was not only restless but my heart was in despair. You see I am one that thinks about the victim in these situations and all the pain and suffering that they have to endure as those that “have” or are of the “elite” are allowed to use and abuse them and still walk away with their pride and dignity because they are sorry that they got caught! Yet still in the comparing these two cases I could not rest.

At first I thought maybe because Lawrence or “L.T.” is an ex pro football player or a “has been” pro line backer according to today’s society while Ben or “Big Ben” is still playing and considered one of Americas greatest football quarterbacks; as the reason their cases were handled differently. Then there is the issue of Lawrence being caught in New York where they possibly punish athletes harsher for sex crimes versus the state of Georgia where Ben was accused. However maybe it was the whole idea that Lawrence smeared the image of his football career long ago when he was caught using and imprisoned for drugs charges because Ben was only accused of sexual assault before in Nevada but it never materialized. Wait! I got it… the young lady that Lawrence got involved with was underage and the young women that Ben was accused by were old enough to know what they were doing!

I hope as you are reading this you detect my sarcasm and frustration as I am disturbed that after all we do as advocates as far as speaking out against rape and abuse, changing and enforcing laws, lobbying legislation and supporting survivors all with blood, sweat and tears we are continuously let down by our “Lady Justice”. It seems that her scales that are meant to measure the strength of a case’s support and opposition is always off balance…her sword that is suppose to symbolize power of reason and justice must be hollow and made of aluminum because it is dull and has no power…and the blindfolds that cover her eyes to make justice blind or impartial regardless of identity, money, power, or weakness should be removed because maybe then she will be able to see true justice and just how unfair she has really been.

Just because I am not a fan of football or sports it does not make me a hater of atheletes. There have been some stellar athletes with stellar backgrounds and character and they should be commended. However when you have athletes that cross the line of being a “role model” for some… to a monster to others…I have a strong concern and the message that should be conveyed to them that these type of behaviors will not be tolerated should be expressed equally and fairly across the board and from state to state. No one is or should be any greater or less than when it comes to sexual assault. The trauma that sexual assault brings a victim is the same for all and the due process and punishment phase that comes to accuser should be equally so.

I pray for all these young women that have suffered at the hands of our “elite” athletes in America. I pray that they can begin to heal and restore their lives after such trauma. I do not care if you are a prostitute, an alcoholic, drug abuser, run away, or a young woman in the wrong place at the wrong time…that does not give anyone the right to violate or assault you. You are still a human being and you still have the right to say “No” no matter your circumstance and you should not have to feel that because someone is of a fortune or fame status that they are above you or the law and can do whatever and whenever they want to you and get away with it. Unfortunately our “Lady Justice” continues to send these mixed messages and as long as she does I have decided not to lose heart or faint but I will press on until I find the true meaning of justice because in my heart I know what it is or at least what it should be.

DAMAGED GOODS

 By Lavinia Masters

Memories are permanent visions of our past experiences that lie dormant in our minds until they are retriggered by certain circumstances or surroundings as well as present happenings and or conversations that occur in our lives.  Once retriggered they begin to replay over and over again like a DVD stuck on repeat mode until we either decide to stop it or let it play on until it malfunctions or overheats and ultimately self destructs. 

We find that some of these memories brought us so much joy and pleasure that you are amazed at how you easily dismiss them until they are brought back up to your remembrance.  While, on the other hand, some memories are so painful and devastating that you can only pray that you had the power to erase all of them permanently.  Then, there are the memories that you are so detached from that when they are brought up again you will find yourself questioning your own sanity because your mind fails to put all the missing pieces together from certain occurrences and you find yourself digging and searching for more answers and clues to bring you some sort of resolution but still…nothing.  However, some have discovered later in life that during those “memory lapses” that nine times out of ten something so traumatic has occurred in your life that it eventually caused a drastic change in you.

Although doctors, therapists and scientists have their medical and scientific reasons as to why people suffer from “memory lapses” or suppression…I always like to say that it is God’s way of protecting you from certain elements of your past that you are not ready for or prepared to handle at the present time; and when He has physically, mentally and spiritually prepared you, then those things of your past will be brought back up in the present.  Recognizing that any damage can be permanent to an individual life, but only some of it is total loss, and can be repaired or restored.

So is the life of a survivor of sexual or relationship abuse/assault…the damage that has happened to that individual can never be reversed because it did indeed happen to them.  However, if the issues surrounding the trauma is never addressed or treated before that victims demise then it becomes a total loss because the victim never had the opportunity to live their life as a survivor…they never had the opportunity to know that there is life and healing after sexual and relationship trauma.  Unfortunately they continued to live their lives with a victim mentality and possibly even found solace in unhealthy and immoral lifestyles.

However, when a victim is given the opportunity of counseling, therapy and or support after such traumatic experiences, then not only has the victim be put on the road to recovery, but will also discover that their lives are in recovery and that they are on their way to restoration.  They have learned that the damage that has happened to them was only structural damage and has not destroyed their total being...it did not destroy who they are and as well as their self worth…that they are not a total loss.

So is the story of my sexual assault…many of you know that when I was 13 years old that I was brutally raped at the hands of a stranger and did not find total closure until about 4 years ago when DNA was able to identify my attacker.  Now those are some memories that I will never forget….the night that I was attacked and the day that I found out who my attacker was…both etched permanently in my mind, but, I made a conscience decision that I was going to “stop” reliving my assault day by day and “play” the good news of Sgt. Welsh telling me that they identified my attacker.  It was the day that my wings were fully released and I realized that I was in flight.

Yes, the damage that the rape caused that day was painful, annoying, crippling and, of course, traumatic, and is a part of my permanent being or memory bank and that is only because I will remember that incident for the rest of my life, and, unfortunately, it cannot be reversed. However, with the prayer and teachings of a loving grandmother and DNA technology, I stand and appear as a person that is whole and my outward appearance is normal.  Yes, the memories are traumatic because the experience was traumatic.  Had my grandmother not taught me about the healing power of a loving Savior and I not decided to seek healing for myself, then the final results could have been beyond repair or a total loss or even my demise.

Thankfully, I was given the opportunity of healing because I would rather have structural damage that may come with a few unpleasant permanent or foggy memories than to have suffered all that I went through and not discover the joys and pleasures that this life has to offer only to die in that misery and pain.  The pain that I endured was bittersweet because not only did it teach me that God knows all and sees all and those that thought they got away with those things that caused you to suffer will eventually be exposed and will pay for all their wrongdoings but it also taught me that I am not alone in this struggle and as I share of myself unselfishly…I help bear the burdens of other victims.

I said all of that to say this…that our past traumatic experiences can be teachers and healers.  They teach us to raise awareness in our situations so that we may not only help others but ourselves and they heal not only those that are inspired by our strengths and stories of triumphs but they further heal our souls us as well. 

Daddy’s Girls

By Lavinia Masters




On Valentine’s Day of 2007…Tyler Perry came out with a movie called Daddy’s Little Girls. The movie in short was about a single father that had 3 little girls that meant the whole world to him. In the movie this father showed that he was willing to do anything for the safety, care and well being of his three daughters…and after viewing the movie myself… I was convinced that this father was willing to not only sacrifice his freedom and all that he had for his daughters, but that he was even willing sacrifice his life so that his girls would be able to live without the abuse, ridicule and shame that their mother and her boyfriend had put upon them.


The dictionary defines a father as man who is a parent… or a male parent of a human being… it also states that that the adjective “paternal” refers to father, parallel to “maternal” for mother.


However, I want to stop and pose a couple of questions to you today…or give you some things to think about….one is… what is the definition of a father to you? or how do you define a father? And now that you’ve answered or thought about that question, my second question is this, do you consider yourself a daddy’s girl? Or are you one of daddy’s little girls?


Growing up I did not have the pleasure of that father daughter relationship or bond that all of you may havehad, mainly because my father divorced my mother before I was old enough to even know who he was. I never knew the joy of going to a father daughter dance or experiencing the bond of a father praising his daughter for my strengths and exposing me to the working world. Oh, how I use to envy other little girls as their daddys would swoop them up in their arms and laugh and play for what would seem like forever.

Unfortunately, as I began to get older, I began to accept the hand that I was dealt in life and one of them was this… that I was not a daddy’s girl…I didn’t even know if he loved me, I didn’t even know if he cared or remembered me and, by the time I began junior high, I had literally detached myself of the idea of even having a father…until the night of July 31, 1985.


This was night that tragedy struck, this was night that my life was held in balance by the hands of a deranged rapist, the night my innocence was violated, the night I thought all hope was lost, the night I wanted and cried for my daddy.


Even though I did not have Timothy Ray Mangum to rescue me on this horrific night, I had a man by the name of Jesus Christ to that heard my call.




Now before I go any further, let me stop to tell you that this story is not intended to depress or get you down you, I promise, my purpose today is to empower and uplift you with my testimony because I now know that I am a part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that I should show forth the praises of Him who hath called me out of darkness to a marvelous light.


The reason I can proclaim this is because although I did not have that relationship with my earthly father that I was speaking of, I thank God that I had that spiritual bond with my heavenly father, that bond that no man can break.


It was April 2003, when I got the call that my biological father was dying of lung cancer and he wanted to see me before his demise. Was it to tell me that he was sorry that he was not there for any of my birthdays? Maybe he wanted to say that he regrets that he missed my wedding day where I had to have a proxy father stand in for him to give his angel away or possibly that he was sorry that he missed the birth of his grandson.


Whatever the reason he wanted to see me, but I missed the opportunity because the week during the time my oldest brother and I were to make the trip to Amarillo, Texas, he passed. I remember when I got the call at work, I began to cry. I was confused because how could I shed tears for a man that I knew nothing about but his name? How did I have the strength to tell my aunts, yes, I would travel to Waco and make his arrangements and pick his suit to bury him in. How did I stand over his body at the funeral home and kiss him goodbye, what was wrong with me!


You see, if there is one thing that I have learned to do as a child of God, that is to show unconditional love towards my fellow man and that forgiveness has its place in everything, yes even in the case of my “missing” daddy. I do not know nor understand the choices he made in life and why he chose not to be a part of mine, but I do know that, in the end, he tried to reach out to me for whatever the reasons. I also know that just as Christ has forgiven me and given me the opportunity to eternal life…He could have extended that same opportunity to my biological dad. The healing from his death came through my forgiving of his non existence in my life and the only way that I could have done that was through the love that my heavenly father has shown towards me!


So today I know that I am a daddy’s girl because I have a Father that sits high and looks low... a Father that can take away all my tears and fears…past and present. I have a Father that is with me when I am strong and picks me up when I too weak to carry myself. My Father is omnipotent, omnipresent and can do anything but fail! I love my Heavenly Father because He has taught me to love my earthly father in spite of the circumstances and no matter what he has done in the past or hasn’t done for me it does not take away what God has created me to be in the present….a loving, healthy and happy daddy’s girl!


Finally, to all the little girls, young ladies and women reading this empowering message…maybe you were victimized sexually by your daddy or hurt by his physical abuse, or whatever pain or trauma that the man you loved and trusted as your father in your life inflicted upon you…know that he does not have the final say so in your life, do not give him that authority ,take back what rightfully belongs to you…your sanity, your integrity, your life!


Know that although failure came through the hands of your earthly father…that there is no failure in your HEAVENLY FATHER…so yes you, too, are a daddy’s girl!

“Thank You Oprah!”

By Lavinia B. Masters

                                          

Oprah did what I have wanted to do for a long time...to try and get inside the mind of a child molester and or rapist.  I must admit that she did a very noble thing of trying to bring education and awareness to the public by interviewing these sex offenders on national television hoping that we would listen with our intellect and not with intense hostility.  Well aware that she sat in front of a group of manipulative and conniving professional liars she continued on her quest to try and search for something that unfortunately I think that she will never find…the truth and a valid excuse to why sex offenders prey upon the weak and innocent… and for that I would like to say thank you Oprah. 

This is the very question that I asked myself for years after my assailant brutally raped me at knifepoint when I was just 13 years old.  How and why did this monster attack me the way he did…what was going on in his head?  Why did he choose me?  What was he doing out at two o’clock in the morning crawling through people windows and raping their babies?  Did he wake up that morning determined to find a child to victimize?  How could he carry out the assault when I told him stop and fought while crying uncontrollably?   Did he have any feelings?  Was he human or was he indeed a monster?  Did he have a mother, sister, aunt, grandmother or any other female figure in his life that he truly loved and cared for and would hate to see her go through what he was putting me through?  Was he born with that devious mind or was it developed over time?

These are just some of the things that I would love to ask my offender in person hoping that he could give me an answer that would allow me to believe that there was something that I could have done differently on the night of July 31, 1985 to not only save me from being spoiled but from going insane.  I would ask him not for a valid excuse, because we all know there isn’t one, but just as I believe one of the reasons Oprah did it…to try and make sense out of what doesn’t make sense.

Excuse me if I sound a bit crass, but trying to go inside and understand the mind of a child molester/rapist would be like diving into a cesspool in search of your contact lenses.  Entering the mind of a child molester is not only a filthy and immoral place but foul, putrid, and full of waste that is disgusting, linked with moral depravity.  A place that has no end and a place where the hopes of you finding your contacts is zero!

As I watched this group of predators share their stories, I flinched as they practically showed no remorse to the crimes that they committed.  I was appalled as to how they could even conceive such devious actions towards a child.  How could they honestly say that they loved this child yet caused harm in the same instance?  I then questioned, do these predators even know the true meaning of love? Love does no harm, especially sexual immorality to the weak and innocent.

However, I salute Oprah as she tried to educate parents and the public on “red flags” and what to look out for when it comes to your child’s safety in reference to sexual predators.  It is important to know and understand that 9 times out of 10 that your child will be violated by someone they know.  Parents and guardians, we need to take heed to the warning signs and be more vigilant in knowing whom are children are with, but most importantly, not only watch but listen.  Just as Oprah said if it does not seem or feel right mostly likely it isn’t. 

There are no more excuses for ignorance and I say that because I would like to believe that my parents were ignorant to the fact of sexual violence and the effects that it may have on a child especially when you choose to tell a victim to remain silent about the incident.  This helps bring the false shame and leaves a child in a world of chaos and confusion.  They need to know and understand that they will be protected and their offender needs help and the hurt that they have caused them needs to be addressed.  The lies that a predator tells a child has to be downplayed with words of love.  Our actions have to show that we pay attention as parents and guardians and that we will protect them at all cost.  Children need to know and realize that if they are ever in a potentially harmful or hurtful situation that there is someone there for them that they can go to.

I am quite sure that this subject matter will never grow old because, unfortunately, predators and victims are created and born every day.  These are sad and alarming facts, but as humans living in this world this is something that I have learned to accept…the truth.  Now when I pray for all victims… I pray for all sexual predators as well…I pray that they are caught, exposed, pay for the consequences of their sins and turn from their wicked ways.  I am learning that, unfortunately, a lot of times predators aren’t the only ones that victimize our children…some of us are found guilty as well because we refuse to address and discuss these very important issues with our children.  

Stop the violence…talk to your children about sexual abuse!  Once again thank you Oprah!