Tough Job, Tougher Women

photo courtesy of Holy Cross Hospital, Taos, NM

By Roger A. Canaff 

Sue Rotolo’s eyes are the first thing you’ll notice about her; they are almost impossibly blue, and glow lightly beneath red hair. Her smile is easy and warm, and she has an enviable air of serenity, whether in the presence of an eight year-old rape victim about to be forensically examined or an aggressive attorney attempting to lock her down on cross examination.

It’s a good thing. That Zen-like calmness serves her well. In the clinic, her job as a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (with the odd acronym SANE) is to treat patients who are victims of sexual violence. In the courtroom, she testifies as an expert to what she observed and what it might mean legally. Ask her which job is more difficult and she’ll likely tell you the courtroom; it’s less predictable and more brutal. It’s at times a tongue in cheek response, but it’s no less true even if a little bit funny.

Rape, after all, doesn’t usually happen between 9 and 5 weekdays. SANEs are torn from their beds, their loved ones and their lives to provide hands-on care to people suffering some of the worst trauma imaginable. It happens in every combination of off hours, holidays, weather and traffic. In the crush and tangle of Northern Virginia where I learned from Sue the business of forensic nursing, a trip to Inova Fairfax Hospital can take hours from two towns over in the wrong circumstances. The patients are at times tragically young or old (Sue’s youngest was about three months). Some are combative, some intoxicated. Some giggle. Some beg for relief from any number of things that haunt them, real and imagined. Sue, and the nurses who work for her, see them all.

And nevertheless, it’s us, the lawyers, who create the ultimate crucible for a woman in Sue’s crew who wants to be a SANE. It’s the contact sport of criminal litigation- often at its most bitter and belligerent in cases of sexual assault- that drives many hopeful forensic nurses out of the business. Attorneys often treat them, because they’re “just nurses,” with far less than the respect they merit (most doctors, unless they specialize in forensics, are much less valuable on the stand in a rape case than an experienced SANE). They’re attacked mercilessly for being everything from sorority-like “little sisters” of the police and prosecution to man-hating zealots or glorified candy-stripers. Every cruel and gender-based stereotype that can be slung at them from the male dominated world of trial law is done so. The successful ones realize early on that testifying is yet another skill- completely discrete from anything else one does as a nurse- that must be mastered in order to survive. Sue has one iron rule- no crying on the witness stand. I worked directly with her nurses for years and never saw it broken, even when I knew I’d have been reduced to sobs had I been where they were.

The ones who do survive the process make healing differences in the lives of their patients few will ever match. Rape has always been difficult to report, but prior to SANE programs (an adjunct of the woman’s and victims movements of a generation ago) it was at times tantamount to a re-victimization. Victims waited for hours, triaged behind whatever nightmares took precedence in the ER they found their way to. Many physicians were unable or barely willing to conduct the examinations both for treatment and possible evidence collection, and they wanted no part of the legal process. Victims were judged, ignored or even threatened with arrest depending on how they presented. It was more than wrong, more than something that worsened experiences and deepened the pain. It also killed cases and drove victims underground. That allowed attackers to escape justice and rape again; most rapists don’t stop at one.

The idea of SANE programs is to specially train nurses to treat and examine patients whose chief complaint is sexual assault, and to evaluate the body as a crime scene, collecting potential evidence for investigation and trial. As an invaluable plus, the exams are conducted in a safe, private and dignified setting where the person at the center of the case can begin to heal, and regroup. With the help of victim advocates who provide the emotional support and ties to other services they need, the process, when it’s done right, produces a better, stronger witness for us and a sex assault survivor with a fighting chance at looking at life at least similarly to how she did before.

It’s still an evolving process, and I’ve been blessed to work with some of the finest women I’ve ever known in the building and sustaining of the programs and their interaction with the legal system. From Jen Markowitz in Ohio, Eileen Allen in New Jersey, Tara Henry in Alaska, Pat Speck in Tennessee, Jen Pierce-Weeks in New Hampshire, Jacqui Calliari in Wisconsin, Diana Faugno in California, Elise Turner in Mississippi, Linda Ledray in Minnesota, Karen Carroll in New York and dozens of others, I’ve learned more about the relevant anatomy and reproductive health then I ever thought possible, and we’ve broken bread and self-medicated together in more places than I can remember.

But it was Sue, with her bright eyes, warm smile and unflappable mien who taught me with plain speech how to drop my blushes, learn the anatomy, pronounce the terms, protect the truth through her testimony, and do my job.

What Sue has done literally thousands of times is probably best exemplified by a story she sometimes relates in training regarding an eight year-old girl who had been sexually abused by a family member. After being examined by Sue in an invasive but tender and careful manner, the child asked her how bad she looked inside now that she had been made bad by what had happened to her.

“Honey,” Sue said, “you are perfect inside. And you’re perfect outside.”

That child may forget the lawyers, the judges, the police officers and the numbing, contentious process that played out above her. She will never forget the abuse. But God willing, she also won’t forget the blue-eyed lady with the stethoscope; the one who reminded her of the most important thing of all.

A widely known child protection and anti-violence against women advocate, legal expert, author and public speaker, Roger Canaff has devoted his legal career to the eradication of violence against women and children.

Roger Canaff: Anti-Violence Advocate, Child Protection Specialist, Legal Expert
Blog: WCSV (Women, Children, Sex, Violence: Outcry, Analysis, Discussion)
www.rogercanaff.com

A Cloak of Secrecy: The Face of a Pedophile.....(allegedly!)

By Gaetane Borders

I'll be honest with you...I am not a football kind of gal. So, up until a few days ago, I had no idea who the heck Jerry Sandusky was. All that changed, however, in the matter of a seconds when all the sexual abuse allegations against him surfaced! Now....he will never be forgotten. The most disturbing part of this story is not that he could have done this to all those young children. I am well aware of how prevalent this crime is. (The statistics do not lie.) I am disturbed...appalled...nauseated by the allegation that so many knew about this....AND DID NOTHING TO PROTECT THE CHILDREN! (Yes, I'm yelling because I am peeved!)

 I reviewed the infamous timeline that has been widely reported. In summary, it begins in 1994. In 2000, a Janitor allegedly sees Sandusky molesting a young boy. Again in 2002, a graduate assistant (Mike McQueary) allegedly witnessed Sandusky sodomizing a 10-yr-old in a locker room. A 2008 Grand Jury investigation found that 118 phone calls were made from Sandusky's phone to a victim's home after his mother reported that her son had been molested. However, it was not until October 5, 2011 that Sandusky is arrested for the alleged crimes. Siiiiiigggghhh!

The sad truth is that there are thousands of "Sandusky's" out there. However, don't be misguided because there are just as many "McQueary's" in the world as well!!!!! In fact, in order for a pedophile to victimize, they need a cloak of secrecy. Remember as well that kids often do not tell when they are being abused because the pedophile has brainwashed them into thinking that what they are doing is okay; or that no one will believe them; or that they would harm their loved ones. That is why I want each of you to know the warning signs to watch for.

Here are just a few:

•  Masturbating excessively. 
• Showing unusually aggressive behavior toward family members, friends, toys, and pets. 
• Complaining of pain while urinating or having a bowel movement.
•  Exhibiting symptoms of genital infections such as offensive odors, or symptoms of a sexually transmitted disease. 
• Beginning wetting the bed. 
• Experiencing a loss of appetite or other eating problems, including unexplained gagging. 
• Showing unusual fear of a certain place or location. 
• Developing frequent unexplained health problems. 
• Engaging in persistent sexual play with friends, toys or pets.
•  Regressing to behaviors too young for the stage of development they already achieved. 
• Initiating sophisticated sexual behaviors. 
• Indicating a sudden reluctance to be alone with a certain person. 
• Engaging in self-mutilations, such as sticking themselves with pins or cutting themselves. 
• Withdrawing from previously enjoyable activities, like school or school performance change. 
• Asking an unusual amount of questions about human sexuality. 

 I also want you to know what to do if you discover that your child has been abused. Here is a short video that offers 5 key things you should do:

Gaétane F. Borders is President of Peas In Their Pods, an organization that helps to spread awareness about missing children of color. She has dedicated her life to helping families and children, and is a noted child advocate. Gaétane often lends her expertise to various media outlets such as CBS, CNN, and FOX. In addition, she frequently contributes to magazines and newspapers.

The Lion, the Witch Hunt, and the Wart Hog: "Penn State on a Stick"

By Charles Moncrief

For the last twenty years I've imagined the way I would teach a homiletics (sermon-preaching) course in a seminary. At the beginning of the course I'd give each student the Bible texts and the scheduled preaching dates. On the date of each sermon, at the beginning of class I'd give the student preacher a breaking news story. This simulates real-world experience, in which a congregation, stunned by shocking news, hopes to hear a word of authority or wisdom from the person in the pulpit. Suddenly, all of the previous week’s preparation may just go down the tubes. Gone is the witty and pithy erudition, replaced by something that must speak to a genuine human need. Such is the case with my article for November, as we must all come to terms with the revelations from Penn State. Maybe I'll submit that article in a future month.

The trouble is, I'm still trying to collect my thoughts as much as anybody else. And every attempt eludes me when I try to make a measured response to something as appalling as the reports coming out of this fine university. Even worse, no matter what I write, it’s obsolete and inaccurate when the next revelation comes.

Here are a few basics that I understand as I write (or as I write at this on the night of November 10.

1.       Joe Paterno has been fired as head football coach at Penn State.

2.       Jerry Sandusky, an assistant coach at Penn State, has been arrested for child molestation.

3.       Coach Paterno knew something inappropriate had occurred and did not adequately respond.

4.       Mike McQueary, a 28-year-old former Penn State quarterback and then a graduate assistant, in the evening of March 1, 2002 witnessed Sandusky raping a ten-year-old boy in the locker-room shower.

5.       The president of Penn State has been fired.

6.       McQueary is, as of today, the recruiting coordinator and wide receivers coach for Penn State.

7.       McQueary has been asked not to be in the stadium on Saturday (November 12) when Penn State plays the Cornhuskers in Nebraska.

Now I have read what I believe to be the grand jury presentment concerning the Sandusky case. The 23-page, highly graphic version is largely consistent with the semi-sanitized report from at least one well-known newspaper from an Eastern state. I'm willing to accept what I've read as mostly factual. According to the text of the report:

1.       McQueary [the former college football player] “left immediately, distraught.”

2.       McQueary went to his father’s home to ask for advice. Receiving the advice, he met the following day (Saturday) with Coach Paterno.

3.       On Sunday, March 3, Paterno gave the Penn State Athletic Director a less intense and less graphic version of the encounter than McQueary gave to the Grand Jury. [Keep in mind, testimony to the Grand Jury is approximately 9 years after this particular incident. It is not appropriate, strictly speaking, to accuse Coach Paterno of shading the truth at this particular juncture.]

4.       About ten days later McQueary was called to a meeting with the Athletic Director and Gary Schultz, the Senior Vice President for Finance and Business. McQueary reported to them that he had witnessed what he believed to be Sandusky [inappropriate sexual contact] with a boy in the showers [quoted, but emphasis mine].

5.       Even though Mr. Schultz managed the University Police, McQueary never received any communication from that body.

6.       The allegations of sexual misconduct in 2002 were similar to allegations that had been made in 1998.

7.       McQueary next testified to the Grand Jury in December, 2010 [more  than 8 years later]

8.       In the fall of 2000 two Members of the Penn State janitorial staff witnessed certain improper acts between Sandusky and another boy. While the employees were “distraught,” they did not want to lose their jobs by reporting to anyone above their immediate supervisor. [Personal commentary: The so-called “Whistleblower Protection Act” of 1989 was Federal, not state. Even so, a state counterpart, if any, was as useless then as it is now for protecting whistleblowers; the US Government and any other entity lies through its teeth whenever it claims whistleblowers have any protection. From a standpoint of protecting their jobs, the janitors acted prudently.]

The Grand Jury’s presentment against Sandusky describes incidents involving 8 different victims of Sandusky’s alleged sexual misconduct. The University had multiple opportunities to address the allegations long before any activity involving Coach Paterno occurred -- according to the Grand Jury presentment.

Here’s what bothers me, while I stay as close to the facts as I'm capable at this point. Coach Paterno may have violated a Pennsylvania statute that requires reporting to a police entity within 48 hours after witnessing an incident such as McQueary reported. Since Mr. Schultz managed the University Police, and since the University Police are real cops (not the Kampus Kops, or KKs, that students tend to take lightly), an argument could be made that Coach Paterno was eight days late in putting the allegation into police ears.

In addition to this, Coach Paterno witnessed nothing. He heard an account from the witness, so the burden of compliance actually rested with McQueary. Any report from Coach Paterno would be hearsay, given credibility only because of his reputation.

As our heads cool, and as our knees stop jerking, we need to ask ourselves several important questions.

First, who fails and where? For example, Alfred tells Bob “I saw a man having illegal sexual contact with a male minor.” Alfred doesn’t go to the police, and neither does Bob. Instead, Bob tells Clarice what Alfred told him. Clarice tells Daphne, who tells Eddie. Finally, “Victim Number 2” goes to the police and makes a report. Should we insist upon five jail cells, one each for Alfred, Bob, Clarice, Daphne, and Eddie? Or should only Alfred and Bob go to jail? Or should only Alfred?

Second, why is it that McQueary still has a job? Why is it so important for Penn State officials to parade around the nation with Joe Paterno’s carcass on a stick? Do they seek to appease the NCAA, whose fangs are finally drying up from the blood of Jim Tressel and Devier Posey of Ohio State? Do they need to soothe ruffled feathers of advertisers, legislators, and alumni? If they think they’re making alumni happy, they have a lot of PR to catch up with.

“Paterno on a Stick.” Has quite a ring to it, don’t you think? Makes for better publicity than “Spanier on a Stick” or “Curley on a Stick”. And I won’t even try to say “Schultz on a stick” out loud. And quite honestly, I'm not wasting energy on what any of them are going through. In my opinion a university president is expendable, and C-titled executives are a dime a dozen. But a football coach who has made so much difference in people’s lives? Whatever else we may think about whether Coach Paterno ought to be skewered, his downfall is a loss and a great loss at that.

Forgive me for making light of something I don’t at all take lightly. But while we’re asking questions, why is it that a former college quarterback, less than thirty years old, ran away from the locker room and left a ten-year-old boy in the presence of a sexual predator and pedophile? Why wasn’t Sandusky lying on the floor, holding his groin and writhing in agony after McQueary ripped him away from the child and repeatedly kicked his naked body at the focal point?

One more comment and I'm done with this part. The Pennsylvania state police commissioner, the Grand Jury, and the Pennsylvania Attorney General are unanimous in saying that Joe Paterno is not a target of investigation into criminal wrongdoing.

Now for my own bias. This is the sort of thing that reinforces my contempt for law and lawmakers. It, and they ,have no substance when it comes to moral imperatives. What’s legal and what’s RIGHT are hardly ever the same.

Joe Paterno failed morally, ethically, and humanly in all of this. He made wrong decisions, and he knew better. I assert this as positively as I do, because college coaches have led hundreds of thousands of boys into manhood over the last hundred years. And in the last several decades college coaches have led countless girls into womanhood. Coach Paterno has done too much for teenage children, both on and off the field, during his forty-plus years to claim ignorance or plausible deniability. His moral standard is a hundred times as high as his legal standard. I'm not talking about the one he lives by; I'm referring to the one he ought to live by.

No coach at any college or university has a perfect record as a mentor, so we have to deal with it. When Texas A&M football coaches took their teams to the Chicken Ranch as a reward for winning, some of the players lost their virginity as a result of the mentoring. The Duke lacrosse players were called “good kids” even though they set themselves up for the false accusations by even going to the strip clubs at all. And should we even talk about steroids, money, or any of the other dark-side mentoring by coaches along the way?

But back to Joe Paterno. Many are ready to hang the man in effigy because they’re angry about the permanent injury done to many juveniles. And let’s not kid ourselves. The number is most likely much more than the Grand Jury’s 8 victims. But Joe Paterno did not perform any of those acts of pedophilia; Jerry Sandusky did. And fortunately, Jerry Sandusky will have very little opportunity to damage any more children’s lives.

What Joe Paterno did was punctuate the famous quote by Edmund Burke. Coach Paterno, by his failure to act, put about ten exclamation points on the statement that the surest way for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.

But we have bigger fish to fry. There are hundreds of victims who need our prayers, and it’s time to let the flawed criminal system do its job as we get about the higher business of praying for recovery.

30!

Grace and Peace,

Charles+

For anyone interested, let me recommend John 8:2-13 for your reading pleasure.

“He [or she] who is without sin, let him [or her] cast the first stone.”

Anglican Priest, Charles Moncrief, serves up the issues of the day on a platter mixed with scripture, seriousness, and a sense of humor to create a ministry founded in love for his fellow man.


“I’m an Anglican Priest, disguised as a geek during the week. It’s REALLY tough to change my costume, since phone booths are getting hard to find!”

Minimizing Rape: Who is Accountable?

By Gayle Crabtree

Could someone please tell me what an alleged reporter was thinking when he wrote the piece called Vicious Assault Shakes Texas Town.

In this article, the NY Times reporter James C. McKinley, JR writes about how the rape of an 11 year old is reverberating through a town. What he doesn’t write about is how the rape is reverberating through the child’s life and the life of her family.

Beginning with the title, the article takes the fast track downhill. You bet the town is shaken. It should be. The reported gang rape of an 11 year old should shake any town to the core! Rape should never be condoned. Further, there is no excuse for an article to even suggest that a child (or adult) is to blame.

The problem is that the tone of this article seems to side with the alleged perpetrators. (I say alleged because everyone is innocent until proven guilty under the law.)

I’d like to know who told the reporter that it’s ok to quote comments about the way a child dresses. In the article he says that unnamed neighborhood residents said that the girl “she dressed older than her age”. Another quote asks “Where was her mother?”

Statistics from the Rape Abuse Incest National Network tell us that someone is sexually assaulted every 2 minutes in the United States. The stats go on to say that 44% of victims are under the age 18. 

The truth is that it doesn’t matter what she wore, where her mother was or who she took a ride from. No one deserves to be raped. The fact that she was only 11 and gang raped, makes the crime more horrendous not less.

Making matters even worse is that the article says that parts of the rape were video taped on cell phones which were passed around at school.

The article goes on to mention that basketball players from the high school may be involved. There is mention of an adult son of a prominent person in the town may also be involved.  

Then, there is a mention that the monsters who allegedly did this will have to “live with this the rest of their lives”. The child who was raped will have to live with it too.  Any survivor can tell you that rape is a life sentence for the victim.

Missing from the article is any information about that. Nothing is written about how many rape victims develop post traumatic stress disorder. There is no mention of any of the ways this could affect such a young girl.  A girl, who is young enough that her mother says “still loves stuffed bears”.

Change.org has a petition calling for the NY Times to apologize to the child for blaming her for being gang raped. So far just over 29,000 signatures have been collected. Would you like to add yours? Click on the Change.org link to speak out now.

Gayle Crabtree is the Founder of Hope For Healing.Org, a nationally recognized speaker with RAINN, and a survivor of sexual assault.




Editor's note:  This positive statement was recently released. There is power if we take a stand!

Big news! After a massive outcry from more than 40,000 Change.org members -- which led to news coverage in the Huffington Post, Village Voice, and even London’s Daily Mail -- New York Times public editor Arthur S. Brisbane has issued a strong rebuke of the victim-blaming in a recent article by reporter James McKinley about the gang-rape of an 11-year-old girl and her community's response.  

Brisbane wrote said that the outrage was "understandable" and that the piece conveyed "an impression of concern for the perpetrators and an impression of a provocative victim" that "led many readers to interpret the subtext of the story to be: she had it coming."

The apology isn’t perfect -- it decries the lack of "balance," as if the paper should be providing equal voice to the concerns of the victims and her alleged attackers. And unfortunately, while the story ran in section "A" of the Times, Brisbane’s commentary showed up only online, not in his weekly column.

But because the Times is so high-profile, this condemnation still sends an important message to reporters all around the U.S. that readers will hold them accountable for insinuating that victims are somehow responsible for playing a role in their own sexual assaults. And you made this happen.

Real Weapons of Mass Destruction

By Lavinia Masters

As a young girl in school I was always taught that a weapon of mass destruction is a weapon that can kill and bring significant harm to a large number of humans (and other life forms) and/or cause great damage to man-made structures (e.g. buildings), natural structures (e.g. mountains), or the biosphere in general. In other words this weapon has the capacity to inflict death and destruction indiscriminately and on a massive scale. However the scope and application of the term has evolved and been disputed, often signifying more politically than technically.

Today I challenge what politics and society consider weapons of mass destruction because in this life I have come to discover a mass of weapons and evil devices that not only destroy the human being but these weapons destroy the human spirit. The weapons that I speak of all leave a devastating and long lasting negative effect on the victims yet they are weapons that seem to not be prioritized by politicians and society today when it comes to seeking and destroying them.

The weapons that I speak of also carry the capacity to inflict death and destruction indiscriminately and on a massive scale and they are sexual abuse/assault, domestic violence, stalking, human trafficking and missing and exploited children. These indeed are all the real weapons of mass destruction. These are heinous and horrendous crimes that happen to the young and old, rich or poor, black or white, male or female. These weapons not only destroy the individual lives and their way of living but they also destroy their families, friends, loved ones and their communities.

Did you know that the impact of sexual abuse on children can be devastating and long-lasting because children are generally victimized by someone they should be able to trust and depend on, they may not realize that the abuse is wrong and not their fault? Even after much time has passed, the effects of sexual abuse are powerful and it has been found that the long-term effects of maltreatment to include poor self-esteem, difficulty trusting others, anxiety, feelings of isolation and stigma, depression, self-destructive tendencies, sexual maladjustment, and substance abuse. In addition to these effects, a survivor of sexual abuse/ assault may develop Rape-related Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (RR-PTSD) and have possible physiological effects such as hyper vigilance (always being "on your guard"), insomnia, exaggerated startle response (jumpiness) ,panic attacks ,eating problems/disorders, self-mutilation (cutting, burning or otherwise hurting oneself),Sexual dysfunction (not being able to perform sexual acts) and hyper arousal (exaggerated feelings/responses to stimuli).

Then there is domestic violence which is the single major cause of injury to women, more significant than auto accidents, rapes, or muggings. In fact, the emotional and psychological abuse inflicted by batterers may be more costly to treat in the short-run than physical injury. Many of the physical injuries sustained by women seem to cause medical difficulties as women grow older and to add insult to injury battered women lose their jobs because of absenteeism due to illness as a result of the violence. Although the long term effects of domestic violence have not begun to be fully documented battered women suffer physical and mental problems as a result of domestic violence. Then it’s sad how survivors of domestic violence seem to often lose family and friends as a result of the battering. Generally because first, the batterer isolates them from family and friends then second, they become embarrassed by the abuse inflicted upon them and withdraw from support persons to avoid embarrassment.

Then there is a weapon that sometimes attacks us all and some are still unaware that they are indeed or have been a victim and that is the weapon of stalking; which is the crime of harassing somebody with persistent, inappropriate, and unwanted attention. Rokkers wrote, "Stalking is a form of mental assault, in which the perpetrator repeatedly, unwontedly, and disruptively breaks into the life-world of the victim, with whom they have no relationship (or no longer have)." For the most part, the separate acts that make up the intrusion cannot by themselves cause the mental abuse, but taken together they do, as there is a cumulative effect. Stalking leaves a victim unsure or living in the fear of what would happen to them next or afraid that the behavior would not stop not to mention that their stalker would not only cause bodily harm to them but their child or other family member.

Now on the other hand the weapon of human trafficking does not only affect victims, it takes a toll on the child or children of the victim. Many a times, victims strive to survive, even when they do not know the way out to protect their children. Virtually every country in the world is affected by human trafficking, either as a country of origin, transit or destination for victims. Due to the nature of trafficking there are three constituent elements that make up human trafficking, firstly the act; the recruitment, transportation, transfer, harboring or receipt of persons, the means; threat or use of force, coercion, abduction, fraud and abuse of power and the purpose; for the purpose of exploitation, which includes exploiting the prostitution of others, sexual exploitation, forced labor, slavery or similar practices and the removal of organs. One alarming fact about this weapon is that women constitute the largest proportion of trafficked persons and with over half of trafficked victims being women they are the ones forced into sexual slavery and prostitution. The mass of trafficking victims are between 18-24 years of age, with also an estimated 1.2 million children trafficked yearly.

Then the last weapon I want you to consider destroys on such a massive level that it was one of my worst nightmares when I had my son; this weapon attacks like a thief in the night and that is the weapon of missing children. When a child is kidnapped or abducted, he/she is put into captivity against their will. When a person who was missing as a result of abduction is found, they can have adverse psychological effects. Abduction is a very traumatic experience in which the victim has suffered through an emotional and physical ordeal. The experience can be so traumatic it will take time and possibly professional help to assist in coping with it. The sad part about this weapon is that some children are never found and some children when they are found are no longer alive.

So I ask you how can we sit idly by and let these weapons of mass destruction continue to destroy our lives, our families, communities and the world without trying to find a solution. How do we consciously continue to say we love our children, communities and country when we are found lacking in the support of fighting against these heinous crimes? What do our children learn when they see us take the “backseat” to making changes in the laws or legislation when it comes to addressing that we as a society find an end to the real weapons of mass destruction.

You see school may have taught me a lot on how the way things should be defined but life has shown me how life really is. These weapons of mass destruction have been launched all over the world and they are subtly stealing, killing and destroying our world. I ask, are you prepared to fight in this battle…you should be because no one is exempt.

Sexual Assault:Is it Not a Crime When Our Government is the Perpetrator?

By Pamela Chapman

“Stop touching me, stop touching me,” the tiny little girl with long blond hair screamed and cried jumping up and down, reaching for her father as he stood by helplessly. A toddler boy being stripped of his shirt stands innocently and helplessly as complete strangers, in uniform, feel around the waistband of his tiny blue jeans. A middle-aged gentleman whose inner thighs and legs are being groped and rubbed while a TSA agent, with his head between the man’s legs, ambitiously searches for dangerous and threatening items that may impede the safety of airline passengers.

These images on the nightly news are all too fresh in my memory. Stories of innocent American citizens being fondled and groped were being reported. I watched and listened, enraged. Many questions arose. “Was this happening in America? In what airport did the incidents occur? You’ve got to be kidding me; we’re doing all this in the name of protection?”

As I began to realize what was happening right before my very eyes, I was reminded of the humiliating procedure the States use when child abuse is reported. I am a mandated reporter. I believe in the protection of our children. But, I do not believe in the process. When abuse is suspected, social workers burst into homes with their official titles, and children are made to disrobe right down to their underwear. They are then stared at, probed and examined by complete strangers.

I began to think about how vulnerable those children are and how traumatic the experience. Imagine, a child who is harmed either sexually or physically and then made defenseless all over again in the name of protection. We tell these children the “good” people are helping them and it is okay to let the “good” people disrobe, stare and touch. But, how does a child decipher between the “good” person and the “evil” person? Sometimes, a crime isn’t committed but some disgruntled, jerk-of-a parent will use the system to get at their intimate partner. It doesn’t matter. An investigation must be conducted, and rightfully so. However, a better process is long overdue.

How do we teach our children to not speak to strangers, tell them is it wrong for strangers to touch them, and teach them strangers should “ask permission,” but then say it’s okay if it’s a government official? How can we make exceptions for TSA agents and child protection workers? Does anyone see the hypocrisy in our system?  How can we demand laws to lock away pedophiles and sexual perverts yet stand by and allow our government to grope, fondle and assault us?

Unless we are violated in airports—unless we strip down, are felt up, and endure highly radioactive exposure put out by Advanced Imaging Technology, body scanners, we will be killed. How can a country so sophisticated be so unaware and uninformed?

You may argue that it is in the best interest of our society. You may believe the “pat downs, feel ups, and outright sexual assaults are all worth it. But, the reality is our government’s actions are reactive not proactive. They are reactive in child-abuse allegations as well as Homeland Security attacks. State and Federal policies DO NOT STOP extremists, perverts, or abusers. Is it possible that a nation that is responsible for the world’s greatest advancements in science, aerospace, medicine, and technology cannot find a proactive system to protect its citizens—little ones and grown ones? The only way is Sexual assault? Really?

Here is the definition of sexual assault according to The National Center for Victims of Crime. Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent. Some types of sexual acts which fall under the category of sexual assault include forced sexual intercourse (rape), sodomy (oral or anal sexual acts), child molestation, incest, fondling and attempted rape. The definition goes on to read sexual assault in any form is often a devastating crime.

Are we not further contributing to the fear-based psyche so prevalent in our culture? Are there not psychological tests that can be given to suspected child abusers as well as behavioral-pattern observations that may be learned and used by TSA agents? Heck, you can barely get a minimum-wage job today without receiving some type of personality/behavioral test.

The Israeli government has offered the United States its anti-terrorism policies and standards. They don’t feel up their citizens, they do not purposely expose them to high doses of radiation, nor do they profile ethnically. They profile behavior.

Our collective, universal fear of our world being unsafe is causing us to panic, act irrationally, and to accept anything in the name of protection. Sexual abuse is what it is. It is intrusive, it violates human rights and it is devastating. Whether it is performed by an individual citizen or a collective government it is wrong, should not be tolerated under any name or any cause for any purpose not in these United States or any other nation for that matter.

           

Male Survivors Are Victims Too

By Lavinia Masters

He sat on the edge of the hospital bed clothed only in a thin hospital gown that opened from the back. His face was that of a frightened little boy that was in fact a tormented young man. The police stood over him as they wrote out his horrendous account if his traumatic acts of sexual violence against him. As his aunt sat quietly in the corner you could not only see the pain in her eyes but the vacant expression as she wondered how could her own family member manipulate, abuse and sodomize their own flesh and blood?

He was only 14 years old and the abuse had began at the tender age of 8 years old when the abuser uncle had moved in with his other aunt and uncle that he now resided with. He had to move in with his relatives because he had already suffered enough in a home of a mother that was a crack addict and a man that he only knew as a “dead beat dad”. He had already come from hell… only to coexist with the devil himself.

The night I entered that hospital room, I had to do a double take because although I knew that sexual abuse was not a known discriminator, I had never personally encountered a male victim myself. There before me was a young boy that just wanted to be normal yet did not want to cause any further harm or destruction to his family. Why did he try to take on such a major responsibility? Why did he feel that he was the one that needed to protect the family especially after what his family has taken him through? He was just a boy and as I looked at him on the edge of that bed, I was able to see that he was no longer a young boy that was sodomized by his uncle in a disgusting act of sexual abuse but that he was another child that had been a “victim” of sexual abuse.

Male survivors of sexual abuse are more prevalent than what I think we actually know and want to believe. It is the same as we know and realize that the counts of sexual violent crimes against children are not only high but alarming and over 50% of them are not reported. The effects of sexual abuse can be very confusing for children. For a child, it often involves being used or hurt by a trusted adult. The child might learn that the only way to get attention or love is to give something sexual or give up their self-respect. No child should have to live this way…female or male.

I watched this young man tell his story as I felt the horror that he tried to hide with a face of numbness. My heart connected with his…not only as a survivor of sexual violence but as a mother that was grieving for her child. He needed to know that everything that happened to him over the course of the last 6 years was not his fault and in spite of it all that everything was going to be alright. He needed someone to listen openly and judge silently. He wanted someone to say I am here for you physically and be there for him mentally and spiritually…he needed me.

When the police finally made their reports and prepared for the arrest of this monster that was known to him as his uncle… the SANE nurse finally came to take him away for his exam. He looked to me as if he needed some form of approval from me and as I nodded my head, I told him that he will be alright and to trust that the nurse would not harm him. With that she rolled him away and I along with his aunt awaited his return to the room. As I watched him being wheeled away I could not help but think about my own son having to face a gruesome destiny such as this.

He entered this world as an innocent child but is living the life of an adult that has endured many afflictions. He did not ask for the abuse nor did he ask for the hurt or shame but unfortunately this was hand the hand that he was dealt and his job now is just trying to survive. He was a young man born of a woman and he is now a young victim scarred by the affects of sexual violence. The abuse saw no gender, the abuse saw no age, the abuse only saw an opportunity and the abuse violated a child and left him living the life of a victim.

He returned to the room and in his eyes I saw the same look of re-victimization that I had when through at the age of 13 years old after my SANE exam following my assault. I shared this painful story with him and I told him that I knew what he was going through. Perplexed was the next look I received as he tried to comprehend the peace that now took over my demeanor after enduring sexual violence as a child. I explained to him all my past feelings and disgusts but that now I am just as normal and at peace after my own “healing” after sexual trauma and assured him that he could be too.

We talked awhile longer and as he shed a few tears he was able to replace them with laughter because he now realized that as we shared openly that he had begun to unlock the chains that had locked him in his silence for far too long! In that moment he saw that he was able to rise above the hurt, humiliation and trauma that sexual abuse caused. He had actually begun to feel free, he had actually began to believe that he could become whole again and that if he could just hold on a little while longer that everything would be restored.

As I prepared to depart that night, I gave him a teddy bear and packet of resources and referrals to get him started on his road to recovery. I then gave him a hug and as he squeezed me tightly with a heart full of gratitude, he said I love you… and at that moment I believed that male survivors can be victims too. This is a myth that has been instilled through masculine gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the "macho image," declaring that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims or even vulnerable. When in all honesty, boys are children…and just like girls they are weaker and more vulnerable than their perpetrators.

So you can imagine how I applaud and thank Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry as they bring over 200 men together to speak up and out about their abuse. I am also excited that I am not a lone ranger in offering support and prayer to male survivors as they battle with the many demons of sexual trauma because unfortunately males may be more damaged by society's refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their resultant belief that they must "tough it out" in silence. No one should have to suffer or “tough it out” in silence…especially a child…whether it’s a boy or a girl.

When rain falls it does not know whether it is falling on all the little boys or little girls in the world such as the sun shining…gender has never been a reason for it to discriminate. Moreover the moon gives light to all that is under its covering as well as the stars share their illumination upon every species in this world. So is the devastating and non discriminatory ways of sexual abuse…when it affects one it affects us all. Remembering as an advocate we are to advocate for justice, healing, empowerment, awareness and peace for all victims…including males.

No Good News

By Lavinia Masters

Last night I was reading over the internet and did a recent search on sexual abuse/assault in the news.  During my search I found that in Naperville, Illinois a man was charged in sexual abuse of a young girl, 9 years of age.  The twist to it was that the accused admitted to the police that he had a sexual relationship with the young girl but claimed at one point that the child instigated the conduct. 


Next I read that over in St. Louis County that 2 teenagers were facing 12 charges for attacks on two women.  The story goes that Police say one of the women was in a parked car waiting for her friend at an apartment complex. As the friend walked to the car, two men followed her and robbed both women at gunpoint.  It went onto to say that the men ordered the driver to go to another location, where one woman was raped and the other sexually assaulted.

Then there was the story of an Orange County police officer that has been charged with forcibly sodomizing two women, both of whom he dated briefly.  Jesse Andrew Green, 33, who has been with the Garden Grove Police Department since 2006, is currently on non-paid administrative leave, was apparently in a short-lived relationship with a 41-year-old Santa Ana woman he met online in 2006. In August of that year, he allegedly forcibly sodomized the woman while she screamed and struggled to escape. Green reportedly made threatening statements to scare the victim and left her home.  Then in November 2009, Green met another woman through a mutual friend. During their first date, Green allegedly forcibly sodomized her at his Huntington Beach apartment. The victim, 40, fought him off and was able to escape.

As I forced myself to not become nauseated from all the disturbing allegations of sexual violence in one day, I then found and article that stated that a priest was videotaped having sex with a teen.  It went on to read that a lawsuit was filed because a Berks County couple became suspicious of the Roman Catholic priest who was supposed to be helping their daughter, so they secretly set up a video camera in the basement of their home -- and caught him having sex with the 18-year-old.  Bonilla seduced the girl while she was 17 and a senior at Reading Central Catholic High School, and they had a sexual relationship that led to her giving birth at age 19, the suit says.  It also states that the parents allowed their daughter to meet with the priest for counseling because she had severe mental health issues as a result of prior sexual abuse by another man, the suit says. It says she also suffered from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.


Now I was done.  I could not take any more of the disturbing news that graced the wonderful world that we call the internet.  So much tragedy and destruction left in the lives of so many victims and unfortunately there will be so many more to be occur.  I was convinced that after reading such a widespread of global devastation that sexual violence had indeed become a pandemic.

It is no longer a heinous crime that happens to women for it now happens to girls, men and boys.  Sexual violence does not discriminate between a prostitute and an innocent child.  Nor does it see color or gender.  Sexual Violence has no remorse for an infant that has no idea of what is happening to their bodies or does it cares about the elderly and their possible health issues.  Sexual violence is a hideous monster!

I went back online to search the dictionary for their meaning of sexual violence…the response…no results found.  Figures… because even the world does not have a true meaning or understanding of sexual violence and what it means to a victim.

One of the ways that I would define sexual violence…is a violent life changing, mind altering experience that occurs when another violates a person’s private and intimate space without permission, respect or regard.  The sad part about being violated is when that person is your father, your priest, your neighbor, your friend, your relative or loved one, and yes even a stranger…in other words…the sad part about being violated is just that…sad.

Finally, I completely turned off my computer because I could not take anymore “no good” news from the wonderful world of the internet.  Then it set in…although I may walk away from the news … the occurrences are still happening and sexual violence is still prevalent.  Many victims are yet suffering and many lives are still being destroyed.

Some little girl is afraid to undress in gym class because she is afraid that others will know that her daddy uncovers her nakedness at his discretion.  Then there is that young boy that is confused about his sexuality because Father Joseph told him that the only way to salvation is through him allowing him to violate and sodomize him and that he will burn in the pits of hell if he utters a word to anyone.

 Please let us not forget about the young lady that takes a razor to her flesh because her mind tells her that pain is what she has to accept because of all the abuse she endures and finally there’s the prostitute that walks the streets not only feigning for sex but drugs and alcohol because she is so numb and beat down from her bouts with sexual trauma that she doesn’t even know whether she is coming or going yet alone the true identity of the fathers of her children.

You see sexual violence is beyond traumatic…it is devastating.  Not only in the lives of the victims but those that love and support them.  Sexual violence has to be stopped and sexual violence has to be addressed.  It is a pandemic that we have to face head on and aggressively.  We may turn off our internet and television but we cannot disregard the tragedy that happens in the lives of individuals on a daily basis.


We have to shed our “selfish” coats and armor ourselves with compassion and concern in order to fight for the rights and protection of victims and others.  Sexual Violence should be regarded like AIDS, Breast Cancer, Domestic Violence, or any other devastating or traumatic occurrence because when it affects one… it affects us all.

So let’s end “no good” news today by speaking up and out against sexual violence, reporting abuse or suspected abuse to authorities, funding entities that support sexual violence awareness and programs, rallying Legislation and Law enforcement to change, implement and enforce laws.  Stand up and be counted for because remember… after all sexual violence does not discriminate.

No More Drama!

By Lavinia Masters

Sometimes in order to help others you have to share some of your deepest and darkest secrets about yourself. Even if they didn’t start out or intended to be secrets. Sometimes they are the very things that we are all afraid of…some of our darkest fears. Those very things that you once figured that if anyone would ever find out that it would not only humiliate and embarrass you but possibly discredit your image and character forever. An image that you tried so hard to keep respected in the public eye and a character that you maintained to appear to be more “precious” than rubies to all.   

You fear these secrets because they take you to a too familiar place…the unknown. In your heart you figure that if one word about your past behaviors is uttered that you would be totally ashamed. If others really knew how you carried yourself in certain situations or some of the thoughts that you had when you were out of “touch” then others would definitely look at you differently. You worked hard to be that woman in Proverbs 31; that virtuous one or that righteous man in Psalms 37:30…now you have to maintain.

How can you consciously handle people smiling in your face and laughing and talking behind your back? It shouldn’t even be an afterthought when we begin to realize that people will begin to do this without knowing your secrets. Those very same people that “gawk” at our past hold some very dark and dirty secrets themselves. No one is perfect. Even though some secrets are not even our burdens to bear because we had no control over what transpired in the first place.

Unfortunately we all have skeletons in our closets. Skeletons that we oftentimes try to bury so deep that they turn into demons that later come back to terrorize and haunt us. These once hidden secrets turned demons can prevent us from moving forward in your lives mentally, psychologically, spiritually and sometimes even physically. It is almost too late before you realize that you are living a life that is only a shell of your true being. You are a figment of your own imagination. You are living a lie.

Although it is sometimes hard to comprehend at first you finally understand that it is a reality. Sometimes when we hoard or try to conceal our secrets of our past we begin to deceive ourselves and others. We find ourselves beginning to lie through our everyday speech and actions just to save our image. We continue to cover up and withhold truths about ourselves and portray someone or some being that is not real. The very secrets that have haunted us for so long, the ones that humiliated us can ultimately overcome and destroy us. Now I can almost understand why the Bible says “that a liar will not tarry in Gods’ sight” or in other words He will not tolerate nor accept one…a liar. For we are not even being honest with ourselves and others so how can we expect to be honest with God?

I had a secret. A secret that was so dirty and so shameful that I just knew that I had it etched into my forehead. A secret that I did not even have a reason to conceal but I did. A secret that was caused by another but it only seemed to directly affect me. I carried the guilt. I carried the shame and ultimately I began to live a lie. This secret turned into one of my most challenging demons even though the offense was against me. Pretending to be ok when I was not… was a lie. Laughing and smiling on the outside while tears drowned my heart and soul on the inside was miserable.

I lived a life of lies and deception for so long that I not only began to hate myself but others. I would sometimes scream to the top of my lungs because I wanted so bad for the real me to emerge. However I was too shameful and the pain and agony of my secret cut deep like a knife. I hated that I could no longer express my true feelings by words or trust in others like I use to do. The beautiful smile, the winning personality and the manner able young lady was all a cover up.

I was angry and I was bitter. I despised people… especially men. I hated everyone I knew and because I was damaged by another it was my goal to hurt those that crossed up my path. My life here on earth and my very existence was in question daily and I was damaged goods. Yes, I lived a lie and I was a liar and alone I dwelled because no one wants to knowingly join crazy in a crazy world.

I carried a demon of malice from childhood to adulthood and because I allowed myself to wallow in my sorrows for so long my heart had become calloused. I crippled my own self. I lived in pity; I lived in a world of confusion. You could speak English clearly and it would all translate into Swahili to me. What was normal to me was abnormal to all and what was normal to others was totally idiotic to me.

The state that I was in was all because of the shameful secret of sexual assault that turned demonic but by the grace of God I finally decided that the day has come that I declare no more drama in my life.

Sexual Assault Awareness Month – One Thing Men Can Do

By Ben Atherton-Zeman

April is National Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Every two minutes in the United States, a man rapes a woman – and it’s usually a woman he knows. Those of us who know victim/survivors of sexual violence know the toll it takes on them - yet there continue to be numerous examples in our popular culture of blaming rape victims, glorifying rape culture and apologizing for rapists’ behavior. 

This year, Sexual Assault Awareness Month seems to be starting with two such examples. An American University article newspaper column berates women who "cry date rape after you sober up the next morning..." http://www.awolau.org/2010/03/30/why-is-the-eagle-so-hostile-to-feminists/. A video game profiled on CNN puts the gamer in the position of rapist - the gamer gropes, molests and then rapes a teen girl in a subway station in order to win the game: http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/asiapcf/03/30/japan.video.game.rape/index.html. 

No, this is not an April Fool’s joke. Anti-rape activists won’t be surprised by these latest examples of rape culture, nor by their tired justifications (“it’s just a game, feminists are anti-sex and have no sense of humor”, etc.). Neither the game nor the victim-blaming column are unique – both basically are a restating of traditional misogyny and male supremacist beliefs. 

What is exciting to me is the immediate, almost universal anger and condemnation of both by the online feminist community. Videos can go “viral” and so can activism – Facebook status updates and emails from across the world are condemning both. Women are writing with boldness and outrage – men are writing that this is not just a “woman’s issue,” calling for men of conscience to speak out against rape and rape culture. And even though the CNN article states that it’s only “women’s groups” that oppose the rape game, it turns out that men are (finally) speaking out in greater numbers – speaking out against rape and rape culture. 

One example is the new Facebook group, “Ten Thousand Men Supporting Women’s Anti-Violence Groups.” Inspired by Pat Eng of the Ms. Foundation for Women, this Facebook group encourages men to donate money or time to their local rape crisis center, domestic violence program, or national anti-violence group. 

Ms. Eng delivered a keynote address at the first National Conference for Men’s Anti-Sexist Groups last year – during her keynote, she encouraged male aspiring allies to “show, not tell” their commitment to ending gender-based violence by making a financial donation to such groups. Most of these groups, Eng argued, are facing budgetary emergencies because of the economy – men can help by making a simple donation. The concept made sense to some male attendees, who contacted Eng and started the group. So far, it has just over 1000 members, at least some of whom have made donations to both their local groups and the Ms. Foundation. 

My friend Matt belongs to our Boston chapter of the National Organization for Men Against Sexism http://www.nomasboston.org. He told me, “if women make 78 cents to every man’s dollar, shouldn’t we men tithe 22 cents for every dollar we make?” Agreed – and what better place to send that money than our local rape crisis center! 

Another good reason for men to donate is the fact that most rapists are men. But most men are not rapists - those of us who oppose rape and rape culture can no longer remain silent. And money, even a small donation, is a wonderful way for us to support our local rape crisis center. 

Facebook users of all genders are encouraged to join the Ten Thousand Men group at http://www.causes.com/tenkmen. Then invite your Facebook friends – specifically, those male friends who don’t normally do this kind of work. Even if they can give $5 or $10, it helps – and it may be the first step in what becomes a lifetime involvement. 

Outrage and organizing against sexism and rape culture is also not new – whether face to face or on the Internet. But I’m impressed and hopeful about the use of the Internet and social networking to organize an articulate response to these latest outrages. Perhaps if people of all genders raise our voices in this manner, some day rape will not happen every two minutes – it’ll happen hardly at all. 

Ben Atherton-Zeman is a feminist, actor and husband living in Maynard, MA in the United States. He is the author of the one-man play, “Voices of Men” and can be reached through his website, http://www.voicesofmen.org. 

Does a Rose by Any Other Name Really Smell So Sweet?

By Randy McCall


Pardon me if I pull up my soapbox.


I want to talk about words. Actually, certain specific words and phrases. Words which the political pundits, some people in the media, and those with a personal axe to grind, seem to misuse on a regular basis.


Words have power, as we all know. Words not only carry specific definitions, but often emotional overtones, or subtexts of implied meaning which are generally accepted and implicitly understood by the public.


If I call an average citizen a hero for, say, capturing a criminal, you'll all know exactly what I mean. There's more though... there's a whole range of subtext that comes with the word. What images come to mind when you say the word "hero" to yourself? Brave? Unselfish? Self sacrifice? Rescue? Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?


Yet, given the situation, I could just as easily call the same person a vigilante for their actions... and that word carries with it a whole other host of implied not-so-positive meanings: illegality, violence, revenge.


Yet we're talking about the same person and events.


So words themselves -- and the choice of words -- can have a great power to change how people think about the subject being written about.


What does this have to do with victim rights? As I mentioned earlier, there are a host of words which get misused repeatedly; some apparently on purpose, when someone is trying to cast another person or group in a specific light.


Sometimes other words get misused because the way a word is used is slowly changing (in slang or street language) and the writer doesn't realize how that word will be interpreted by some of their readers.


Finally, there are times the writer is just using a different dictionary than everyone else: for example, the dictionary definition of a word may be completely than, say, the legal definition of the word.


Today I'd like to put the record straight on just a few of these oft misused words and phrases. Which is why I said I'm "pulling up my soapbox" today. From here on, what you'll be reading are my opinions, my observations, and -- well, let's face it -- my pet peeves. You may disagree, and I'd be glad to hear from you in the comments area if you do.


So, let's take a look at these one at a time.



Sexual Assault, Sexual Abuse and Rape


These three words often get tangled up when used by writers who aren't used to both the common and legal definitions. It doesn't help that dictionaries often give definitions of sexual assault and sexual abuse and rape which are practically identical. Yet, observation shows that each is mostly used to describe only certain specific crimes or types of victims. Rather than specific dictionary definitions, we have to look at how these phrases are generally used and accepted.


The fastest and easiest way of doing is to do a search in Google News for the these phrases. Just click on the following links and see the kind of stories that come up:

• Google News search: Sexual Assault
• Google News search: Sexual Abuse
• Google News search: Rape
  

In general, you'll notice that the term "sexual assault" is almost entirely used to refer to late-teen and older victims who have suffered a single episode (of indeterminate duration) of unwanted sexual contact, short of actual rape. If there was more than one incident, writers normally talk about "repeated sexual assaults". On the other hand, the term "sexual abuse" is mostly used to refer to (and in most people conjures up images of) pre-teens and adults who have experienced repeated episodes of sexual assault or rape over an extended period of time: months or even years.


When it comes to the word "rape" (sexual assault with penetration), you'd think it would be hard to misuse or misunderstand, wouldn't you? But I've seen numerous instances where the writer uses the phrase "sexual assault" rather than the word rape, mostly -- from my observations -- in a (conscious or unconscious) attempt to soften the emotional burden on the reader.


Why do I have a problem with this? Simply because it minimizes what the victim went through. I have seen cases where a victim of rape finally decides to tell friends what happened to them, only to hear back: "What? You were raped? But I saw in the paper it was only sexual assault...".


So to all writers, let me say: If you're going to write about this subject at all, be honest with yourself, and with your readers. Honor what the victim has gone through. Attempting to minimize the crime also minimizes the victim.



Survivor


I've found that this word is can be very confusing to those not familiar with the lexicon of the crime victim assistance world.


In recent years, many victims of crime have started to refer to themselves -- and ask that others refer to them -- as survivors, not victims. Why? They feel that by being continually called a victim means they are forever identified as the victim of the perpetrator; that, effectively, they are forever labeled as being defeated, lesser, reduced by what that individual has done to them. They're not, as they'll loudly tell you. The perpetrator did something to them once, but that was in the past. They refuse to be defined by the act committed against them. They go on, they grow, they flourish... they have survived the event.


Of course, this clashes with the common use of "survivor" when referring to the family members of those killed by homicide, or those involved, but not killed, in an accident or disaster. If the language is misused, it can create terrible confusion in your readers.


If a victim of a crime asks to be described as a survivor, listen to them... it will mean much to their self-image and help in their recovery if you do so. Then, for the sake of your general readership, please take the few sentences to explain why you're referring to them as a survivor... it will prevent so much confusion!



Victimhood and Victimology


The misuse of these two words is particularly rampant on Internet blogs.


Victimhood, or the "cult of victimhood", is a term many pundits use to describe when a person or group claims the mantle of being a victim, of: (pick any or all of the following) racial or religious intolerance, bias, or of mistreatment b society in general. These authors imply these people or groups do this in order to avoid effort, to avoid blame, to procure sympathy, or to demand financial or emotional support.


Victimology, on the other hand is:

"...the scientific study of victimization, including the relationships between victims and offenders, the interactions between victims and the criminal justice system — that is, the and courts, and corrections officials — and the connections between victims and other social groups and institutions, such as the media, businesses, and social movements.

In fact, in its most up-to-date incarnation, victimology -- which first started out in the 1950s as a term from the field of criminology that referred to the study of how the actions of victims contributed to their becoming victims of crime -- has developed into an entirely separate profession and field of study, focused on helping victims of crime, tragedy and the abuse of power.


Instead, what we see are many blog writers using the term pejoratively, interchangeably with victimhood, when speaking of groups or individuals who are falsely claiming a form of victimhood for their own benefit. For example: "They're just using that victimology to demand better treatment", or "That group is faking victimology".


These authors are taking the word completely out of context, and assigning their own meaning to it, apparently because it sounds scientific, with an assumption of applied authority. Colloquial dictionaries are even listing how this word is misused in insulting or minimizing contexts. If we similarly twisted the language when using other words, we'd be writing that criminology is the study of how to become a criminal, or that psychology referred to people pretending to be psychos.


Oh, it may well be that the accepted use of the word is changing (as I mentioned can happen), and eventually it might come to mean both the science of aiding victims of crime, as well as slang for the practice of calling oneself a victim for advantage.


I, for one, will fight this till my last breath. But that's just me. Can just I ask, for myself and others in the field of victimology, if the urge comes upon you to misuse the word as I've described, just say NO, ok?


On a final note, I'd like to ask all writers, pundits, politicians and the media... take care how you use (or misuse) your words. Not only will you get your point across in a much clearer fashion, but you'll also come across as well informed and empathic to those who have been victims of crime and the people who work with them.