What’s Love Got to Do with It?

I grew up with the highs and lows of the 60’s and 70’s. One thing I am truly grateful for during that era is the amazing music and the artists of its times. Aretha “Rockin’, Rollin’” Franklin, Mick Jagger, The Temptations, and the amazing and talented Tina Turner. Only to name a few. But for this piece, I’d like to look more closely at one of Ms. Turner’s biggest hits, among many. “What’s Love Got to Do with It?”

As Ms. Turner’s life unfolded before us with the release of the biographical film by the same name in 1993, it became apparent why and how Turner could write the below lyrics:

In her chorus Tina sings:

“What's love got to do, got to do with it
What's love but a second-hand emotion
What's love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken”

In her verses she recites:

"You must understand how the touch of your hand, makes my pulse react
That it's only the thrill of boy meeting girl, opposites attract

It's physical, only logical
You must try to ignore that it means more than that

It may seem to you that I’m acting confused, when you're close to me
If I tend to look dazed I've read it someplace, I've got cause to be
There's a name for it; there's a phrase that fits
But whatever the reason you do it for me

I've been taking on a new direction, but I have to say
I've been thinking about my own protection, it scares me to feel this way”

Clearly in her lyrics, Ms. Turner is speaking about a physical attraction. And love, real love, is clearly denounced or, at least, not worth being sought. She speaks of opposites attracting and we clearly know today, via Quantum Physics, like attracts like.

This emotion she’s read about has led to broken-heartedness. And, if you know her story a few broken bones, as well. This may have been your experience. So, from this, let’s explore love from a different perspective, for just a few minutes, please.

Let’s look at love from a personal, purely selfish view point. That is looking at love within ourselves first, not narcissistically but from self-preservation. We will see that love, agape, is all beautiful, perfect, and divine. So now we must look at what is this agape?

Agape is an ancient Greek-Christian term referring to love. It is the highest form of love and charity. Agape is the love of God for man and of man for God. The word should not be confused with philia, brotherly love, as it embraces a universal, unconditional love that transcends and persists regardless of circumstance.

As a family-violence specialist, I’ve had the opportunity to work with many women in domestic/family violence situations. This is what brought Susan Murphy Milano, Delilah and I together. And, what have I found common in every situation? The absence of universal, unconditional love for oneself. I have uncovered guilt, shame, and even self-loathing.

I have had countless agencies; hence individuals, tell me a woman must cycle in and out of a shelter at least seven times or until she, her children, and/or extended family experience some drastic situation or behavior from the abuser. This is usually the threat of death to herself, children or family members.

I still stand on this truth. If one: male or female; heterosexual or homosexual; transgender; and of any ethnicity will accept they are made in the image and likeness of Almighty God; and can begin to experience the unconditional love of God for themselves, the violent and abusive cycle will cease. It must.

With this unconditional love and acceptance of self, several things begin to happen almost instantly.

1. One’s self esteem and self-worth is magnified; 
2. The offender is no longer able to bully the victim because they, the victim, realize they are only a victim to their own limiting beliefs and mindset. The victim’s self-power is instantly increased. 
3. The energy level of the victim shifts, and they then only attract those in their like energy. Opposites do not attract. We attract exactly what we are. Thereby, individuals with low self-esteem will not be drawn to those with higher vibrational levels believing in a higher love. Resonating in love for themselves, first! 

(Abusers are attracted to those with low self-esteem so they might appear bigger and more powerful to their victims. AKA: bully boogers.)

• When one takes on the consciousness of Christ and realizes there is no greater love, anything that attempts to approach not of the same consciousness, feels uncomfortable. They, or the situation, is rejected right away or soon following. 

And, how do we experience this love? Through:

• prayer; 
• meditation. (That is being silent and allowing God’s love to flow into you and through you. Bring both hands to your heart, as a suggestion of embracing, and feel the Source of love); 
• keeping company with loved-filled individuals; (Learning to say no thank you, without explanation, to anyone who brings otherwise—in your own mind’s eye.); 
• listening to uplifting and positive music; (Reject music that refers to you as anything less than your Divine self); 
• abstaining from main-stream media; 
• reading inspirational, faith and love-filled works to include Scripture and literature to raise your consciousness. 
• repeating loved-filled affirmations or declarations. A good place to start is “I AM that I AM.” Interpreted as “I AM all that God is.” 
• Find yourself a good adviser, support group, or assistant. 

These are only a few things you can begin to do to raise yourself from the doldrums of victimhood. You may not find yourself walking into freedom or understanding any of the above overnight. But remain diligent; tenacious; and focused, desiring the life that Source; God; Mother Nature; (whatever name making you comfortable) has planned for you from the beginning of time. Their plan is to prosper you and to bring you hope. You will one day, very soon, begin to live your best life, as Ms. Winfrey would put it

What’s love got to do with it! Everything! All the time! And Everywhere! And it’s starting right here! Right now! With you!


Pamela Chapman is a certified life-wellness/life transition coach and family-violence specialist through the State of California. She is the owner of Yucatan Wellness Corporation and the previous owner of Iascend Programs, Inc which was dedicated, specifically, to helping abused women.

Today, Chapman works with others motivating, inspiring and teaching all who are willing to do the easy life work so they may walk into their well-being while transitioning through one of life’s challenges.

Pamela and team incorporate mind, body, and soul betterment using both ancient and cutting-edge healing techniques helping you to create your perfect self. To find out more visit: https://www.yucatanwellness.com.

In Memory of Susan Murphy Milano

Today (Oct.28) marks the 1 year anniversary of Susan's death. What better way to remember her than to read and learn from the posts that she left behind. There are literally thousands of messages from her at Murphy Milano's Journal, all indignantly calling for the safety of abuse victims.

"But for those fearful or unable to seek service from a domestic violence shelter provider, there is a book available that will take a victim from living in fear to a plan, with a roadmap to safety. "

MurphyMilano's Journal

DocumentTheAbuse.Com

HoldingMyHandThroughHell.Com

ConqueringCancer.Me

Related articles

• The Roth Show: Anny Jacoby Discusses Personal Safety Planning for Domestic Violence Victims (imaginepublicity.com)
• Michelle S. Cruz Talks to Dr. Laurie Roth About Rights of Domestic Violence Victims (imaginepublicity.com)
• Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Change Is Here, Action! (imaginepublicity.com)
• Your Health is Wealth with Dr. Akoury: Domestic Violence Awareness Month (imaginepublicity.com)
• Neil Schori Keynote Speaker at "Take Back the Night" Event (imaginepublicity.com)

When You Know It’s Murder

by Heidi Hiatt

I was 10 years old the first time it happened.

She was found dead at a campsite in Eastern Washington.

I remember exactly where I was standing, what the weather was like, who was talking to me. I wasn’t sure how to respond. It was not surprising that the suspect was a family member in this case, but I was shocked at the brutal way in which she’d died.

The suspect was never arrested. They knew he did it, and eventually he was found dead somewhere himself, a topic for another time. But until I learned his fate from the lead detective decades later, that cold, vacant feeling never left me.

It was murder.

In this same time frame, a car plunged into a river and the only survivor was the father who was driving. His wife and children died. I remember them telling me, “he was reaching for a cracker.” I remember what happened in his life afterwards and why I regarded him with a growing suspicion.

He was never charged either. But even as a kid, even at that moment, my instincts would not allow me to dismiss those deaths as an unfortunate accident. The way the puzzle pieces fit together, the sequence of events– it didn’t work. But how, as someone so young, do you convince the adults or authorities that their puzzle pieces might be joined in the wrong places?

It could have been murder.

Fast forward far into the future as I’m standing outside a hospital entrance before a relative goes in for surgery. They spoke of a family friend. “He killed her and they think he’s coming here.”

That feeling again. That grey, creeping silent shadow that signals a life has been erased and one still among the living is responsible for it. It crawled past me, wispy like smoke in a shuddering paroxysm of slow motion.

The suspect did come here from two states away. He was apprehended two counties north after rolling his car. He left several children without a mother and also ended the life of the child still inside of her.

Murder.

In this case he was sent to a mental hospital, a controversial decision that didn’t sit right with me. There was no question he did it. But the fact that he had killed his own wife had that same haunting feeling as the times before it that I’d learned of homicides. It’s a gaping, all-encompassing silence where there should be no silence. It is a yawing void that has no bottom.

More years went by. Like a light slowly intensifying as if on a dimmer switch, to my horror I realized that an acquaintance was in danger of death. I told others, “I know exactly how they’re going to die.” I pointed out patterns of behavior and the abhorrent Munchausen’s by proxy signs that were so obvious to me but others didn’t even seem to notice. Once the victim tried to drop hints.

I almost vomited the day I found out how they died. It was just like I said it would be. The authorities said it couldn’t be proven. The very factors and timing that made it suspicious were also the reasons that there was little physical evidence to go on and an accident was believable. All the steps a calculating criminal would take to cover their tracks existed and were to me so ridiculously logical.

That specter slunk in again, that gripping puff of sulfur that settles into an instinctive gut feeling which silently screams, “this isn’t right.” Safety experts tell us to always trust that gut feeling even when it doesn’t make sense and can’t be rationalized. In times like this we may tune into the still, small voice telling us that things aren’t what they seem.

It is a sick, frigid, empty feeling when you know it’s murder but it can’t be proven or the person responsible for extinguishing other lives isn’t arrested and punished. Can you relate? You might risk everything you have, even your life, to expose the truth, but the needed evidence for a charge or conviction just isn’t there. It’s a horrible place to be, a faint stench of decay that never wanders far from the perimeter of your senses.

Part of what motivated me to earn a degree in forensic psychology was this repeated pattern in my life of learning of a suspicious death, or abuse, or fraud, and seeing the perpetrators evade justice. My prolonged and repeated experiences with narcissists and sociopaths who know how to hurt others but appear as beacons of light pushed me to this. Many times in childhood, even, I found myself in the maddening position of having enough information to make a coherent argument in defense of a victim, but not enough to stand up in the legal system.

In time I learned how to testify as an expert witness and build a good case, but that doesn’t help the uncanny number of instances in my life it seems that justice could have been achieved already if someone had delved deeper into these questionable circumstances. Perhaps the police did everything they could each time, or technology hadn’t caught up with the courts yet. But how different life could have been for people around me if I’d found a way to articulate my suspicions earlier.

A common denominator weaves its way through the violence and crime I’ve seen in my life. The type of person who usually gets away with harming others– who even gets away with murder– is the one who maintains the self-sacrificing external image that most people would never question.

They’re the “nice guy” or the “family guy” or the “saintly caretaker.” They are self-sacrificial to excess. Those unfamiliar with sociopaths or who don’t believe one could exist in their circles are quick to believe that these dark souls are simply who they pretend to be. Sociopaths work hard at public relations, constantly cultivating a persona that seems hard-working, caring, involved in their community, giving– whatever scores them points in their professional and social orbits.

Not only do these types ingratiate themselves to those who will blindly protect their false selves later, when some truth-seeker dares question their integrity, but they will do whatever it takes to grind their accuser into a pulp. Dr. Robert Hare describes this beautifully in his Snakes in Suits book. I was floored when I read that book– it described exactly what I’d been through. The closer I got to the truth in some of these situations, the more I was attacked and discredited so that no one would believe me if I tried to convince the legal system.

Sociopaths can and do kill to protect their alter egos. They can snuff out lives to get what they want, and who they want, and to ensure that the shadowy parts of their Jekyll and Hyde lives never see daylight. They are so utterly steeped in their false self that most people around them are convinced of their infallibility and goodness– they will readily join in the destruction of the “crazy” accuser who dares question their beloved saint.

In every case of alleged criminal activity, we must ask “cui bono?”– who benefits? Who has something to gain? Who has something to lose? What is the accuser gaining or losing by coming forward and standing against an alleged criminal? Is the alleged abuser or criminal fighting excessively hard against the person trying to put the blame on them, which could be a sign that they are hiding something? Why would someone risk so much to point out the sins of someone who seems so gracious and delightful?

To prevent dark souls from hurting or killing others, we have to be willing to look at each case objectively. We cannot rush to conclusions; we cannot function on assumptions. We need to be willing to investigate all possibilities, put all of those on the table, and take the time to connect the dots. Sometimes there are no dots to be connected, other times the dots can form a detailed picture of what actually happened.

Our society is quick to dismiss crime and violence because of a person’s job title, fame, or social status. In cases where it’s easy for a suspect to get sympathy, like the death of a loved one, we often let our emotions dictate our thoughts and convince ourselves that they are incapable of that level of depravity. We must listen to any pokes at our consciences, however, and then decide to examine these cases with reason and an open mind.

I can think of a number of cases in which a person’s death was ruled as suicide or as accidental instead of a homicide, but someone close to the victim is overwhelmingly convinced that the official record is not the true record. Talented investigators might have spent years working the case to arrive at their conclusions, but loved ones insist that they’re missing some of the puzzle pieces. I understand that. It’s why closed cases should sometimes be reopened and investigators should leave no stone unturned.

How different our world would be if everyone would find the strength to speak up about the nagging feeling that a death is more than it seems to be—and the authorities would at least listen to them. One of the most frustrating problems I have ever dealt with is trying to convince those in power to listen when I didn’t have tangible evidence to back up my theories. Or as a kid, trying to capture the attention of an adult who could right the wrong or protect those being harmed. Or as a civilian law enforcement employee, being cornered in the department hallway and having the words, “you have no idea what it’s like to be a cop” yelled into my face.

Knowing deep down inside that someone probably didn’t lose their life the way the official record said they did can be a lonely and tortured place. Sharing those suspicions can have a profound impact on how others interact with you, your safety, and even your livelihood. Personally I have faith that God will bring justice in His time and that even those who don’t get caught in this life will have to answer to Him in the end. There is peace in knowing that you’ve done what you can to expose the truth and God is in control.

Accepting some of these circumstances as “solved” though—it hasn’t happened yet. Perhaps we who question the “truth” are who God intends to bring justice through. There are times when I’m thinking through some of these cases and that old familiar translucent twilight sidles up next to me. In that particular kind of silence I’m reminded that something still isn’t right, and the truth might have yet to be found. It’s like a door hasn’t closed yet, or a window latch has come undone in a forgotten room and a breeze is rustling old, worn curtains that should have been taken down 30 years ago.

Pray for justice. Hope for solutions. Trust that God sees all. And if you, like me, find yourself nagged by the unsettling feeling that there is more to the story of someone’s death than you have been told, know that there are others who understand.


It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a façade of order—and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order. –Douglas Hofstadtera

 

Heidi Hiatt, MA is as a Forensic Psychologist.  You can read more of her posts at her personal blog, Truth, Justice, and All-American Allergen-Free Apple Pie Straight Talk in a Crooked World

The Lion, the Witch Hunt, and the Wart Hog: "Penn State on a Stick"

By Charles Moncrief

For the last twenty years I've imagined the way I would teach a homiletics (sermon-preaching) course in a seminary. At the beginning of the course I'd give each student the Bible texts and the scheduled preaching dates. On the date of each sermon, at the beginning of class I'd give the student preacher a breaking news story. This simulates real-world experience, in which a congregation, stunned by shocking news, hopes to hear a word of authority or wisdom from the person in the pulpit. Suddenly, all of the previous week’s preparation may just go down the tubes. Gone is the witty and pithy erudition, replaced by something that must speak to a genuine human need. Such is the case with my article for November, as we must all come to terms with the revelations from Penn State. Maybe I'll submit that article in a future month.

The trouble is, I'm still trying to collect my thoughts as much as anybody else. And every attempt eludes me when I try to make a measured response to something as appalling as the reports coming out of this fine university. Even worse, no matter what I write, it’s obsolete and inaccurate when the next revelation comes.

Here are a few basics that I understand as I write (or as I write at this on the night of November 10.

1.       Joe Paterno has been fired as head football coach at Penn State.

2.       Jerry Sandusky, an assistant coach at Penn State, has been arrested for child molestation.

3.       Coach Paterno knew something inappropriate had occurred and did not adequately respond.

4.       Mike McQueary, a 28-year-old former Penn State quarterback and then a graduate assistant, in the evening of March 1, 2002 witnessed Sandusky raping a ten-year-old boy in the locker-room shower.

5.       The president of Penn State has been fired.

6.       McQueary is, as of today, the recruiting coordinator and wide receivers coach for Penn State.

7.       McQueary has been asked not to be in the stadium on Saturday (November 12) when Penn State plays the Cornhuskers in Nebraska.

Now I have read what I believe to be the grand jury presentment concerning the Sandusky case. The 23-page, highly graphic version is largely consistent with the semi-sanitized report from at least one well-known newspaper from an Eastern state. I'm willing to accept what I've read as mostly factual. According to the text of the report:

1.       McQueary [the former college football player] “left immediately, distraught.”

2.       McQueary went to his father’s home to ask for advice. Receiving the advice, he met the following day (Saturday) with Coach Paterno.

3.       On Sunday, March 3, Paterno gave the Penn State Athletic Director a less intense and less graphic version of the encounter than McQueary gave to the Grand Jury. [Keep in mind, testimony to the Grand Jury is approximately 9 years after this particular incident. It is not appropriate, strictly speaking, to accuse Coach Paterno of shading the truth at this particular juncture.]

4.       About ten days later McQueary was called to a meeting with the Athletic Director and Gary Schultz, the Senior Vice President for Finance and Business. McQueary reported to them that he had witnessed what he believed to be Sandusky [inappropriate sexual contact] with a boy in the showers [quoted, but emphasis mine].

5.       Even though Mr. Schultz managed the University Police, McQueary never received any communication from that body.

6.       The allegations of sexual misconduct in 2002 were similar to allegations that had been made in 1998.

7.       McQueary next testified to the Grand Jury in December, 2010 [more  than 8 years later]

8.       In the fall of 2000 two Members of the Penn State janitorial staff witnessed certain improper acts between Sandusky and another boy. While the employees were “distraught,” they did not want to lose their jobs by reporting to anyone above their immediate supervisor. [Personal commentary: The so-called “Whistleblower Protection Act” of 1989 was Federal, not state. Even so, a state counterpart, if any, was as useless then as it is now for protecting whistleblowers; the US Government and any other entity lies through its teeth whenever it claims whistleblowers have any protection. From a standpoint of protecting their jobs, the janitors acted prudently.]

The Grand Jury’s presentment against Sandusky describes incidents involving 8 different victims of Sandusky’s alleged sexual misconduct. The University had multiple opportunities to address the allegations long before any activity involving Coach Paterno occurred -- according to the Grand Jury presentment.

Here’s what bothers me, while I stay as close to the facts as I'm capable at this point. Coach Paterno may have violated a Pennsylvania statute that requires reporting to a police entity within 48 hours after witnessing an incident such as McQueary reported. Since Mr. Schultz managed the University Police, and since the University Police are real cops (not the Kampus Kops, or KKs, that students tend to take lightly), an argument could be made that Coach Paterno was eight days late in putting the allegation into police ears.

In addition to this, Coach Paterno witnessed nothing. He heard an account from the witness, so the burden of compliance actually rested with McQueary. Any report from Coach Paterno would be hearsay, given credibility only because of his reputation.

As our heads cool, and as our knees stop jerking, we need to ask ourselves several important questions.

First, who fails and where? For example, Alfred tells Bob “I saw a man having illegal sexual contact with a male minor.” Alfred doesn’t go to the police, and neither does Bob. Instead, Bob tells Clarice what Alfred told him. Clarice tells Daphne, who tells Eddie. Finally, “Victim Number 2” goes to the police and makes a report. Should we insist upon five jail cells, one each for Alfred, Bob, Clarice, Daphne, and Eddie? Or should only Alfred and Bob go to jail? Or should only Alfred?

Second, why is it that McQueary still has a job? Why is it so important for Penn State officials to parade around the nation with Joe Paterno’s carcass on a stick? Do they seek to appease the NCAA, whose fangs are finally drying up from the blood of Jim Tressel and Devier Posey of Ohio State? Do they need to soothe ruffled feathers of advertisers, legislators, and alumni? If they think they’re making alumni happy, they have a lot of PR to catch up with.

“Paterno on a Stick.” Has quite a ring to it, don’t you think? Makes for better publicity than “Spanier on a Stick” or “Curley on a Stick”. And I won’t even try to say “Schultz on a stick” out loud. And quite honestly, I'm not wasting energy on what any of them are going through. In my opinion a university president is expendable, and C-titled executives are a dime a dozen. But a football coach who has made so much difference in people’s lives? Whatever else we may think about whether Coach Paterno ought to be skewered, his downfall is a loss and a great loss at that.

Forgive me for making light of something I don’t at all take lightly. But while we’re asking questions, why is it that a former college quarterback, less than thirty years old, ran away from the locker room and left a ten-year-old boy in the presence of a sexual predator and pedophile? Why wasn’t Sandusky lying on the floor, holding his groin and writhing in agony after McQueary ripped him away from the child and repeatedly kicked his naked body at the focal point?

One more comment and I'm done with this part. The Pennsylvania state police commissioner, the Grand Jury, and the Pennsylvania Attorney General are unanimous in saying that Joe Paterno is not a target of investigation into criminal wrongdoing.

Now for my own bias. This is the sort of thing that reinforces my contempt for law and lawmakers. It, and they ,have no substance when it comes to moral imperatives. What’s legal and what’s RIGHT are hardly ever the same.

Joe Paterno failed morally, ethically, and humanly in all of this. He made wrong decisions, and he knew better. I assert this as positively as I do, because college coaches have led hundreds of thousands of boys into manhood over the last hundred years. And in the last several decades college coaches have led countless girls into womanhood. Coach Paterno has done too much for teenage children, both on and off the field, during his forty-plus years to claim ignorance or plausible deniability. His moral standard is a hundred times as high as his legal standard. I'm not talking about the one he lives by; I'm referring to the one he ought to live by.

No coach at any college or university has a perfect record as a mentor, so we have to deal with it. When Texas A&M football coaches took their teams to the Chicken Ranch as a reward for winning, some of the players lost their virginity as a result of the mentoring. The Duke lacrosse players were called “good kids” even though they set themselves up for the false accusations by even going to the strip clubs at all. And should we even talk about steroids, money, or any of the other dark-side mentoring by coaches along the way?

But back to Joe Paterno. Many are ready to hang the man in effigy because they’re angry about the permanent injury done to many juveniles. And let’s not kid ourselves. The number is most likely much more than the Grand Jury’s 8 victims. But Joe Paterno did not perform any of those acts of pedophilia; Jerry Sandusky did. And fortunately, Jerry Sandusky will have very little opportunity to damage any more children’s lives.

What Joe Paterno did was punctuate the famous quote by Edmund Burke. Coach Paterno, by his failure to act, put about ten exclamation points on the statement that the surest way for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.

But we have bigger fish to fry. There are hundreds of victims who need our prayers, and it’s time to let the flawed criminal system do its job as we get about the higher business of praying for recovery.

30!

Grace and Peace,

Charles+

For anyone interested, let me recommend John 8:2-13 for your reading pleasure.

“He [or she] who is without sin, let him [or her] cast the first stone.”

Anglican Priest, Charles Moncrief, serves up the issues of the day on a platter mixed with scripture, seriousness, and a sense of humor to create a ministry founded in love for his fellow man.


“I’m an Anglican Priest, disguised as a geek during the week. It’s REALLY tough to change my costume, since phone booths are getting hard to find!”

The Forgiveness Question

By Neil Schori

Matthew 18: 21-22~

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Forgiveness is simple…at least until someone offends you. It has been said that when one person forgives another, he unlocks a prison door and lets himself out. I believe that because there have been times in my life that I’ve held grudges against another person and I’ve discovered that while I was busy fostering misery and bitterness and resentment, the objects of my wrath continued living life as if my feelings had no bearing on their lives. I would bet that you’ve experienced that in your lives, too.

But forgiveness has become convoluted. Abuse victims are often further victimized by being told that they are “unforgiving” because they don’t welcome back their abusers. The truth is that forgiveness has very little to do with welcoming back anything into our lives. It is simply a step that God expects us to take.

The best leaders lead by example and don’t expect someone under their authority to do something that they would not do. Jesus told us to be forgiving, because he is forgiving of all of our wrongs. And we show what we think of his grace by the grace that we offer others.

But there is another step in maintaining good relationships that has nothing to do with forgiveness, and that is reconciliation. Reconciliation cannot happen without forgiveness, but forgiveness can happen without reconciliation. So how does true reconciliation take place when great wrongs have been done in the context of our intimate relationships? That can only happen when the offender demonstrates true regret and a changed life. And that can only be proven over a significant period of time.

In the Gospel of Matthew 3: 8-10, Jesus had some harsh words for the religious leaders of his day~

Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. And do not think you can say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.

What does that mean for us? It means that when someone hurts us and asks for another chance to be in our lives, that their sincerity (or lack thereof) will be demonstrated by how much their actions change toward us. The evidence (fruit) of repentance is changed behavior.

Abuse victims need to forgive their perpetrators. Abuse victims also need to be very slow and cautious and wise when considering reconciliation. Can it happen? Yes. But this is not to be hastily determined because your lives hang in the balance.

If you need help sorting through your particular circumstances, you can reach out to me. I’d be honored to help you.

Peace,

Neil Schori

neil@napervillechristian.org

Neil Schori is the Lead Pastor of Naperville Christian Church and takes an active role within the church to assist victims of intimate partner violence.  To learn more about Neil, please visit his website and blog:  http://neilschori.com