Showing posts with label intimate partner violence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label intimate partner violence. Show all posts

Saturday, December 12, 2015

The Magical Illusion of Christmas


By Susan Murphy Milano

(originally posted December, 2010)

Every year my mother made a big deal about Christmas from planning out what color to make the eyes on the gingerbread cookies, to the day she, my brother, and myself would go downtown to Marshall Fields department store for our annual Santa visit and photo. The bright lights and holiday decorations lining downtown store windows and street lamps always made me forget, if only for a moment, our lives were anything but bright and hopeful.

I have to give my mother credit, as difficult as our daily fight for survival was, she did the best she could to create happy memories for us. Sometimes, the holiday did not turn out as planned and we ended up on Christmas morning in the emergency room as she received medical attention from injuries caused by my father. My little brother and I viewed stuffing every pocket in our coat and pants with candy canes while at the hospital as a cool thing. Instead of opening presents, like we watched in movies, we went back to the house with a cup of hot chocolate and whip cream prepared with love.

Hope was always a magical illusion, it did not matter if it was Christmas or not. The days and months always felt as if they were all lumped in to a never ending road of unpredictable behavior by a man authorized with a gun and a badge to protect the streets of Chicago, while hiding behind the closed door of our home like a coward, only to terrorize and harm his own family. In our house you told time by the changing of seasons and what you needed to wear before heading out the door. During the holidays it was the one time of year that I didn't wish anything from the Sears catalog that would arrive sometime after Thanksgiving. If Santa was real, then just maybe he would find us a nice safe place like I remembered watching in the movie Miracle on 34th Street, where we could hang our stockings and live happily, with my brother and mom, far away from my father, forever.

Growing up, my brother and I never really counted on much and making plans for anything was wishful thinking. More than fifty years later, I have no closure, just an acceptance of the violent events that would eventually hijack my mothers life. The last memory of her is 10 feet away from the oven where we baked Christmas cookies, throughout the kitchen her blood spilled over onto the once bright yellow pattern on the floor tiles where my brother and I once sat anxiously waiting for the Christmas cookies to finish baking. In the bedroom a couple hundred feet away, dead from a self inflicted gun shot, my father, who had taken from me the only love I knew, my mother. Although not visible to the human eye, there is a tattoo etched deep inside of me, a permanent scar from a battle I would rather forget.

The effects of the violence would follow me into my own world as an adult, a secret I kept hidden from friends, colleagues and relationships. Suddenly, my secret was out, unwillingly I was a victim and a survivor of a life I did not ask for nor chose as my life's journey. In 1988, my parents divorced and the holidays were around the corner. My mother and I spent the Christmas holidays together, the first without my father and the last one without my mother. I rang in the new year with a feeling of hope that we could finally move forward with our lives.

Abruptly, in 1989, after their deaths, I left a successful business career for a world that provided little, if any, hope and assistance to abuse victims and their children.

I did not realize when I began working with victims of intimate partner abuse, my world would be an important life raft for safety in keeping others alive. Over a decade of running a national agency and providing direct services, I began to incorporate strategies like no other in the country, as the agencies were not familiar with the battleground I knew intimately. Service providers and agencies were layered by politics and paperwork with government forms and numbers instead of thinking outside the box, a box that never belonged there in the first place if lives were to be saved.

This rigid box of "rules and restrictions" are what often kicks the safety and services of a victim to the streets and back to the violence. Yes, a woman returns to the abuser numerous times before she leaves but its also because the family courts and services are either limited or dysfunctional. And all too often it is based on income she makes too much, too little or there is not enough funding available for what is required. Ironically, the funding issues in my world were never an obstacle in keeping victims alive. With little or no resources, each person I assisted did not die. Instead, they moved forward with their lives, most went back to school to obtain degrees others found paying jobs as the sole support of the household turning their lives around minus the threat of violence. I think it was because I took the time with them, something I noticed from the begining that was not happening when a victim reached out for help.

I learned from being in the trenches and providing hands on services combined with making time to explain to victims-- meant the difference between life and death. I would go beyond the sterile basic information and red tape of guidlelines set by funders and various government agencies, people who were and continue to do so today, more concerned with tabulating stats of human lives that amounted to nothing more then entering useless garbage into a data base that had nothing to do with safety or leaving and never returning to the abuse or the system for help. One cannot effectively assist a victim of intimate partner by sitting behind a desk when they have never left the comfort of their offices, when they have never been inside the real world of sheer terror and violence that victims endure daily. Often placing victims in something labeled a shelter, government funded that does not in many ways meet the needs of victims. As I have always said like our own DNA no two cases of abuse are alike.

The days of placing a bandage on intimate partner violence, as though it were a boo-boo, are over. When a system does what it has always done, the results will be the same. It did not work out for women like my mother, unable to speak today, because they were silenced in the prime of their lives, murdered in cold blood.

As we enter the year 2011, know that the death toll across the country for those who lose their lives because of intimate partner violence does not have to be a predictable outcome in some hardwired data base, ultimately marked by a cemetary headstone as in years past. A child no longer has to acompany their mother to the emergency room on Christmas morning filling their pockets with candy canes in a cold waiting room as the doctors stich their mothers head or set a broken limb and sent back out into uncertainty and fear that the next time they might not be so lucky.

In the new year I would like everyone who reads this to join me in ending the abuse. How, you ask? Each time a news story about a victim who was killed comes across your facebook page or you read about a case in the Huffington post, AOL News, Google, Newsvine, USA Today, the Examiner, The Washington Post, New York Times or see it on Nancy Grace, Fox News, Good Morning America, MSNBC, the Oprah Show, Dr. Phil, NPR Radio or any number of news programs send them a brief paragraph about the book Time's Up and that these cases no longer have to be tragic. That women such as Susan Powell, Stacy Peterson, Vensus Stewart, Angel Downs, Renee' Pernice, Kathleen Savio and others if killed their words will speak from the grave in a court a court of law. The person responsible will be arrested.

The upside is that this book saves lives. The mothers, sisters, girlfriends and children currently living in fear who live in harms way each and every day need this book the most. It is up to us to see that the information and knowledge is in their hands.

And to ensure every domestic violence agency, court building, library, church, community center, hospital, business and school has a copy of the book Time's Up: A Guide on How to leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships. And for a domestic violence provider, social worker, first responder, government agency, school, business or individual who says that cannot afford it? You can not afford not too!

Time's UP !!!

From the site www.victimadvocates.blogspot.com:

Susan’s writing is based on doing. It is based on the irrefutable credential of experience, both as a residual victim of interpersonal violence and a tireless advocate for others who suffer. This book is born from working in the trenches for twenty years and the necessity of crafting working solutions to help ensure individual safety from batters and stalkers.

TIMES UP is a comprehensive guide for women in danger. Every advocate owes it to those they work to assist to obtain this book.The contents provide specific steps towards safety and addresses issues that a person who is stressed and in fear may not think of. This guide can provide structure in the midst of chaos.

Among the tools and forms is the original idea of an “Abuse Affidavit”, a sworn statement detailing the facts of an individual’s victimization, preserving the specifics so they are not lost even if the victim is. It is difficult to think about speaking from the grave but no different than any life insurance policy obtained in consideration for those left behind.

An “Abuse Affidavit” has the additional psychological benefit of being forced face reality and admit that the potential for the ultimate kind of violence exists…and that if it occurs the perpetrator will be held accountable.

Purchase and read TIMES UP as an advocate to continue to learn and practice informed advocacy. Give TIMES UP to concerned friends or family members looking for solutions for a loved one who is in danger. Most of all, find a way to share this valuable guide with the domestic violence and stalking victims you know and work with. It has all the information and tools to empower a crime victim to save her own life.......Diane Fanning, Author



Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold.

Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth http://www.therothshow.com/

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Gone Girl: Fiction or Dangerous Reality?



By Amy Robinson

The movie, “Gone Girl” with Ben Affleck came out this week. I recently saw the trailer for this film and I was horrified. It felt like living through the week that my family and I spent searching for my sister all over again. The difference is – this piece of fiction, based on a book of the same name, actually lends credence and credibility to the idea that the missing person is not worth looking for, and that her significant other is just an innocent victim of some spontaneous, ridiculously complicated and complex plot to falsely implicate him.

In reality, it doesn’t really happen that way. To quote a District Attorney, “It’s not the lunatic down the street that’s going to kill you. It’s the person you fall asleep next to every night.” If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s most likely a duck – not some strange, elaborate conspiracy to frame the penguin and call him a duck.

When I was younger if I had seen an article like this, I would have rolled my eyes. I would have said, “Oh please. It’s fictional! Get over it, Lady!” Well, to some degree, I can understand that. I enjoy fantastical, elaborate storytelling more than most. My mind was blown just as much as yours at the end of “The Sixth Sense,” and I still understand that fiction is a great source of entertainment and often thought-provoking discussion. It’s that last point that gives me pause, though.

Now that I’ve lived through having to search for my sister- knowing in my bones what had already transpired, but unable to get rid of that vague sense of hope that she was still alive somewhere – I have become the loudmouth that would have once caused me to scoff.

As human beings, we look to our stories, our fiction, to form our Ethos. When our children are growing up, we read the “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” to emphasize the virtue of honesty, “The Little Engine That Could” to champion perseverance and tenacity, and “Green Eggs and Ham” to encourage them to try new things and be adventurous. We don’t change all that much as adults. We still derive our thought processes and point our ethical compasses towards the lessons that we get from our stories. The Bible, whatever else it is, at its core, is literature; it’s a story, or more precisely a bunch of stories. While we know that Darth Vader didn’t really tromp around force choking people in a galaxy far, far away, we still admire the values of courage, compassion, and fighting against the forces of tyranny and fear that are espoused by those films.

Timing the Release of Gone Girl


“Gone Girl” purports the idea that victims of intimate partner violence are likely inventing some elaborate drama in order to implicate their significant others in a crime that was never committed. This is not just far-fetched and unlikely in reality – it’s dangerous, particularly to release it during Domestic Violence Awareness Month into a culture that is ripe to finally be paying proper attention to the issue of intimate partner violence. It lends credibility to assailants that do not deserve credibility.

This narrative suggests that every murderer who has ever been implicated by his/her intimate partner’s notes or journal entries could be just an innocent victim of an elaborate scheme to discredit and incarcerate him/her. (Notice I give attention to both genders here. Jodi Arias is a perfect example of a female perpetrator who falsely claimed after the murder of her boyfriend, Travis, that she was the victim all along and he was beating her, despite all evidence to the contrary.)

I can see the headlines: “ACCUSED MURDERER ACQUITTED, DEFENSE USES MOVIE PLOT TO SWAY JURY.” Picture a loved one sitting on a witness stand, reading from a victim’s journal that reads “I’m afraid he is going to kill me,” being grilled by a defense attorney. “Are you familiar with the story of ‘Gone Girl’? Are you telling this court that it is impossible that your loved one invented all of this and planted a false journal?” Anyone sitting on the jury who saw the movie or read the book instantly has reasonable doubt, even though the story is a complete fabrication, invented in the mind of an author, brought to life by a filmmaker, and released at the most irresponsible point possible.


I ask that each of us be mindful that when we go to see a film, keep in mind that it is a fictional invention of the author, and not a factual account of events. I further ask that filmmakers and marketers be more sensitive to the timing of the films they release.

Releasing this film during Domestic Violence Awareness Month is nothing short of hurtful and offensive to those of us who have lived through events such as these, without the fantastical twist at the end, just a dead body and a huge hole left in all of our lives.


Amy Robinson is a voice actress offering a wide range of inflections and accents, bringing a variety of characters right off the page. Amy’s voice is fun, friendly, and very versatile.

Amy has a stake in Domestic Violence Awareness Month, losing her sister to murder in 2011. She created the blog, Justice for Nique, in memory of her murdered sister as a way of releasing her own emotions and being a resource for others.

Visit Amy’s Website: AmyRobinsonVO.Com

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

The NFL Just Doesn’t Get It


Baltimore Ravens Ray Rice
photo/Wikipedia


by Diane Dimond



The statistics are easy to find. One in every 3 women in the United States will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.

It is the leading cause of injury to women – more than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined. Every single day in America women are murdered by their “loving” husbands or boyfriends. And, studies report that up to 10 million children are eye-witnesses to the brutality every year.

Anyone with half a brain knows domestic violence is a big, under-reported problem in the United States. So, why didn’t it dawn on executives at the NFL or the Baltimore Ravens that running back Ray Rice could be a domestic abuser?

When they watched the first video of Rice, 27, and his then-girlfriend, Janay Parker, going into an empty casino elevator and seconds later emerging on a lower floor with Rice manhandling Janay’s limp body what did they think might have happened?

Did Ray Rice’s bosses think a tipsy Janay simply tripped and fell as the elevator descended? If they did, that’s just nonsense.

Rice was clearly seen dragging his unconscious fiancĂ©e off the elevator, dropping her face first to the floor, giving her legs a kick as he tried to get them past the elevator threshold and might have, as some reports indicated, actually spit on her. By the way, this occurred last Valentine’s Day weekend and the initial police report specifically stated that Rice had assaulted his sweetheart with his hand, “rendering her unconscious.”

So, after seeing the disgusting display and reading the police report the league tells the five-year, $35 million player that he’s suspended from playing in the first two regular season games. Big deal. Rice was also fined $500,000 as if money could erase the deed.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell
photo/Wikipedia
It took NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell about a month to hear the howls of protest from victim advocates. Going forward, he then announced, all first time domestic abuse violations would be met with a six-game suspension. He didn’t mention what would happen if one of his prized athletes went to jail for the offense.

The NFL has an official intervention policy for athletes who take illegal drugs but up until now no official response to team members who beat the crap out of a girlfriend. Something is off-kilter there.

Domestic abuse exists because we let it. We, collectively, fail to adequately shame and punish the perpetrator. Too many people focus on why the victim didn’t pack up and leave after the first attack instead of asking the common-sense question: What is wrong with him!? (For the record: domestic abuse can also happen to males but it occurs at a vastly less frequent rate.)

As we all know it took a second, much more graphic videotape to surface -- one from inside the elevator which captured the moment Janay, 26, was dealt a left hook so vicious that it knocked her unconscious – before Goodell announced Rice would be “suspended indefinitely.” Only then did the Ravens terminate Rice’s contract.

Apparently Goodell, the father of twin daughters, couldn’t imagine there had been a domestic assault. He had to actually see the 5’ 8”, 206 pound Rice decking his soon-to-be bride and treating her like a gym bag full of dirty clothes before taking definitive action.

As I write this, the NFL’s credibility has taken another blow as opposing versions have surfaced about when league officials first saw the knock-out video. The Associated Press reports the football big-wigs received a copy back in April. Goodell denies that and said he first saw it when the TMZ website posted it as an exclusive on September 8th.

That’s beside the point, in my opinion. No one should have needed to see the pathetic sight of Janay Palmer-Rice being brutalized and struggling for consciousness before condemning the man who put her in that position.

Having said all that, let’s remember it wasn’t the NFL or Goodell or the Ravens that slammed a fist into the face of a young woman. It was Ray Rice. And, it is his new wife who refuses to see herself as a victim.

It’s a dynamic that plays out every day in countless intimate relationships. Someone gets horribly hurt but still clings to the abuser. Healing that kind of tortured psychological mindset is what we should focus upon because many times someone gets killed.




Diane Dimond



To find out more about Diane Dimond visit her website at www.DianeDimond.com . To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2014 CREATORS.COM

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) Timeless Tool For Escaping Abusive Relationships


Carrying the torch of Susan Murphy Milano’s work through Document The Abuse,  many advocates are bringing awareness to audiences and organizations across the country of the benefits of the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and teaching how it can be incorporated into existing protocols.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) was first introduced in Susan Murphy Milano's book, Time's Up: A Guide on How to Safely Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship and is still one of the most  significant contributions to the complicated issue of keeping victims of abuse from becoming murder victims. The importance of the EAA to first responders, law enforcement, court personnel, hospital personnel and domestic violence advocates was Murphy Milano's mission before her untimely death from cancer on October 28, 2012.

Time's Up contains all the information needed to create and complete a personal safety and escape plan, enhancing standard safety plans and personalizing the victim's own requirements.  The book has been offered as training to several advocates and organizations around the country and is often used as a textbook.

What is the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA)?  From Document The Abuse:

The E.A.A. is a detailed, yet simple to perform process that walks the victim step-by-step through creating a legal document that will stand the test of many of the legal hurdles that are thrown at intimate partner violence and stalking cases.

The process helps the victim to prepare her history of abuse and stalking, utilize the included documents, gather other needed evidence, and distribute the documentation to specified people.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit contains information that is critical to help victims’ in documenting their experiences and creating a record to insure that instances of abuse are memorialized should they be needed for future use in the legal system” (Donna Pendergast is the First Assistant Attorney General Office of Special Investigations in Lansing Michigan.)

It is as immediate as buying the Times Up! e-book, downloading it, and following the instructions to prepare the document. For those who are worried about storing an e-book on a shared computer, the Times Up! book also conveniently comes in a print book format with easy to Xerox document pages. Used as a self-help procedure, any victim can easily complete this confidential process and be assured that their experiences are legally documented.

“The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is another tool to save lives. It’s practical, inspirational and USEABLE. The insights are precise and pragmatic.” (Hon. Nancy Sidote-Salyers, Former Prosecutor, Retired Circuit Court Judge)

The victims will also produce a short video telling in their own words, what abuse and stalking they have experienced. Included in the video is identifying information of the perpetrators identity, a photo, his social security number, place of employment, and patterns of abuse conduct.

Lethality factors are also discussed: weapons, assaults on others, drug use, mental health history and any other detailed information that helps the court understand his dangerousness.

Items of DNA evidence are suggested for collection, legal documents are filled out, a notarization process is followed, and distribution to safe and legal persons makes sure the E.A.A. is available should the victim be seriously harmed, goes missing, or is killed.

iEAA the App from Apple


The iEAA App brings safety planning into the age of technology. Developed by Allen Corporation in conjunction with Susan Murphy Milano and Chet Hosmer, the iEAA App was unveiled on July 4, 2012 (Independence Day) allowing the information to be downloaded and used on any Apple product.

This is the first phase of the App and further improvements and developments are currently in the works to bring the app into the Android market and capability of cloud storage.


Who Needs an EAA and Why?

Until now, the standard response for intimate partner violence and stalking from law enforcement has been:

* Victims are told to report (but action is only taken if you can show evidence of the abuse)
* Victims are told to go to a shelter
* Victims are told to get a restraining order (but usually only granted if there is evidence of the abuse)
* Victims are told to move away (but leaving behind careers, family, and assets)
* Victims are told to stay with someone else
* Victims are told stalking is hard to prove and stalking laws are often weak and poorly defined

This response does not help the victim ‘document’ the situations and specifics of her abuse and her abuser. Outside of a police report or restraining order, documentation has still not occurred. In a case of future serious injury, the victim goes missing, or is killed, nothing exists to link her to her story.

The E.A.A. has the propensity to document the historical aspects of the abuse and record it to challenge 'hearsay' arguments in a case. By simply following the steps of creating an E.A.A. a victim can provide 'before the event' information that presents the history of her case prior to serious injury, disappearance or death. Click here to read more about how the E.A.A. benefits a victim's case.

Information such as details of how the perpetrator has said he would carry out harming, abducting or killing her can be detailed. Admissions or comments made to her about other victims the perpetrator has harmed can be listed. Likely hiding places for weapons or evidence can be revealed. Possible alibis that he would make up for his defense (including identification of people who could be the perp’s co-defendants in her harm, abduction or murder). If the victim has existing scars or active wounds, they can be documented at the time of the E.A.A. creation.

The E.A.A. has the same informational capabilities of providing unknown and unrecognized abuser and stalking risk factors known by the victim.

For detailed information on how the EAA supports cases of abuse: CLICK HERE

For information on education, awareness and training on the EAA or personal assistance in creating your safety plan: CLICK HERE

If you are thinking about leaving an abusive relationship, BEFORE you announce your plans in a fit of anger or unclear thinking, think again and do what it takes to save your own life and keep your children safe.  Create your Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit to maximize your chances of getting out alive!

If you are out of the relationship and need extra support, you can contact The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction for expert information on how to heal.



Time's Up, Susan Murphy Milano,Document The Abuse,ImaginePublicityTime’s Up: A Guide on How to Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship can be ordered through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books A Million, and all online digital and local book retailers. 

For quantity case orders and discounts, please contact ImaginePublicity, Tel: 843-808-0859, Email: contact@imaginepublicity.com







For detailed information about Susan Murphy Milano in her true crime memoir, Holding My Hand Through Hell, her last book, is available through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books A Million, and all online digital and local book retailers, or directly from the publisher, Ice Cube Press.



Based on a true story, told with the flow of a novel, spiced with frank wisdom and wit, Holding My Hand Through Hell encourages the reader to immerse themselves into this family’s life and is an inspiration to become an advocate for change in this world we all share. This book will incite discussion, debate, and heightened awareness about hope, survival, abuse, murder, and its impact on our society. In the end, it will leave readers both applauding this woman as well as wondering how she escaped, sometimes at the eleventh hour. Twenty years later, she has realized that God must have been holding her hand through hell, delivering her from the evils of her life in order to save others.







Monday, April 2, 2012

Another Saturday Morning



 by Anita Sullivan 

I drove by the morning after. There were two cars in the drive, but no people in sight. There were no signs of trouble, just two marks of orange spray paint. If you didn’t know otherwise, you might think the marks were from the utility company, marking where work was to happen. I was driving out of my neighborhood, down the same street and past the same houses I do every day, for another Saturday morning at the ball field with my kids. Others were walking their dogs, looking for garage sales, headed out for errands.

But in that home, just past the orange spray paint, nothing would ever be the same. The afternoon prior, Cynthia Hayes had come to her home to get belongings, at a time when she didn’t expect her husband home. They were separated, and must have had a history of violence, because a protective order against him had recently expired. It wouldn’t have helped her this day anyway. A lot of details are unclear as the investigation continues, but this much is clear- David Hayes was home. David Hayes had a shotgun. David Hayes used it.

As his wife and a friend ran from the home, he chased them. He first shot the friend, who fell where one of the orange marks of spray paint stains. His wife made it into a neighbor’s home. A neighbor encountered him and begged that he not shoot her, reminding him that she had a child. She later said that he was blank and she knew had snapped. He did not shoot her. But did go into the neighbor’s home where his wife was, shooting and killing her. He then returned home and shot himself, dying hours later.

That night, our neighborhood was closed off, with media swarming and crime scene units working. People gathered on the street. Friends and family who saw our street on the news called to check on us, and many we knew were posting on Facebook about the horror. But the next morning, as I drove by and saw just orange paint, I was the most disturbed. Not that such violence can happen. But that we hide so much and see so little, and go back to normal so quickly.

The morning after, even if you hadn’t heard the news, if you were paying close enough attention you might have seen that the orange paint was marking a crime scene. But we don’t pay close attention- we drive by in our own world, missing the clues of the terrible and painful things happening just past those signs. What signs were there before this murder? We didn’t know this family, but someone must have had clues. What signs may I be missing in those I know and love that they need help? The danger they face isn’t likely as big as what Cynthia faced. But this was such a reminder that I need to open my eyes and be willing to do more.

The children left behind are young adults, and I pray have the support and love of many. There is also still a woman battling for her life in ICU. As I drove by tonight, the cleanup had begun, and family and friends have started to gather.

It’s too late for anyone to help Cynthia. Look around, who might need your help, no matter how subtle the clues or seemingly small the danger? I’m honoring her tonight by asking that of myself, and of you.

Links to Articles:

http://jacksonville.com/news/crime/2012-03-09/story/2-dead-1-critically-injured-clay-county-domestic-shooting

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/topstories/article/246270/483/Two-Dead-One-Hospitalized-After-Orange-Park-Shooting



 Anita Sullivan is the sister of a missing person, and long time advocate of victims, even before having a personal connection to the world of lost. During college,Anita found a passion for helping others and was involved in a variety of ministries. She then started a career in non-profit, first working with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. She went on to work with at risk families through a supervised visitation program before spending several years in fundraising and advocacy. She now tries to reach people with a message of Hope through writing and speaking, while honoring her brother, Michael "Austin" Davis, who has been missing since 2007. To learn more about Anita, visit her at losingaustin.blogspot.com.



Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Chris, Rihanna, and What We Can Expect Now



by Roger Canaff 

If an adult, even a young one, can be labeled by his actions, Chris Brown is a violent, narcissistic thug. The savage, lengthy beating he inflicted on his then-girlfriend Rihanna in 2009 earned him a felony conviction, something not particularly common in the world of intimate partner violence. I saw quite a few of those cases as a prosecutor, many of them violent and damaging, but few other than homicides that merited the possibility of a prison sentence. It’s a possibility Brown avoided, but happily so for many adoring fans who still refer to that drawn-out, bludgeoning attack as a “mistake.”

Since that mistake, Brown has shown again and again an explosive, boundary-bereft side and a frightening inability to even fully control himself.

Now, for whatever reasons she has, Rihanna has chosen to request a relaxation of the protective order she was granted against him, and to collaborate with him musically. Collaboration may be all it is. Or, she may be entertaining a friendship or something more with her attacker, a circumstance often encountered if rarely justified. She was a blameless victim in the pummeling she endured, and since I know nothing of her personally I won’t seek to judge whatever reunification she’s navigating with Chris Brown now.

But I will judge the “Birthday Cake” remix she is releasing and on which Brown joins her, because it’s classless and crass, even by the standards of Rihanna who often objectifies herself sexually in her music. But what makes this first collaboration since Brown’s arrest and conviction far worse is the past that underscores it. What Chris Brown adds to the magic of “Birthday Cake” includes the lines “Girl, I wanna f--- you right now. Been a long time, I’ve been missin’ your body.”

Bravo, Chris! This is far more than an expression of what I suspect are your creative limits or your grasp of subtlety and real sexuality (which I rather enjoy, although I find it resonates more when it isn’t reduced to the sputtering of a worked-up child). It’s also a window into how you likely viewed this woman before you viewed her as a punching bag. She’s a toy as far as you’re concerned, and that’s how you want to treat her. First sexually. Then violently. Then sexually again.

Take a wild guess, dear reader, as to whether a pattern is forming here. 


Lewdness in pop music is a fact of modern life. Many would criticize Rihanna for the overt sexuality she injects into her music and speculate darkly from it on how she views herself. I won’t. Frankly, she has the right to engage her sexuality in any way she sees fit and I won’t impose my model or that of anyone else in an effort to judge her. What she does artistically and how it might affect the millions of girls who look up to her is best discussed elsewhere.

For now, what’s clear is that Rihanna, a beautiful and talented young woman, was beaten- breathtakingly- by a man who now joins her in a song in which he celebrates the idea using her like a plastic doll. That’s wrong on more than one level. Unfortunately, I doubt either of them have a clue.


A widely known child protection and anti-violence against women advocate, legal expert, author and public speaker, Roger Canaff has devoted his legal career to the eradication of violence against women and children.

Roger Canaff: Anti-Violence Advocate, Child Protection Specialist, Legal Expert Blog: WCSV (Women, Children, Sex, Violence: Outcry, Analysis, Discussion) www.rogercanaff.com




Friday, March 16, 2012

Safe Child Act



by Barry Goldstein

Last month my article was about legislation needed to stop custody courts from routinely sending children into the custody of dangerous abusers. My meeting with a state legislator led to her request that I prepare a proposal that would be the basis of legislation to reform the broken system. I would like to thank Toby Kleinman for her assistance in drafting this proposal. Immediately below will be my proposal for a Safe Child Act and I will then discuss why I think this would make a difference. You are most welcome to post or otherwise use this proposal and this article in support of efforts to reform the system. In fact I hope many people will take the proposal for a Safe Child Act and ask their legislators to sponsor it.

Safe Child Act 

Purpose: Improve the Safety of Children involved in Child Custody Cases

Provisions:

1. The paramount concern of all child custody decisions must be to provide complete safety when determining the best interests of the children.

2. Whenever domestic violence or child abuse is raised as an issue either during or before a child custody matter is litigated any professional who provides advice or recommendations to the court must have substantial training and experience about Domestic violence and child abuse to fully understand safety issues including behaviors that are associated with higher lethality or injury risks; domestic violence dynamics; effects of domestic violence on children; ability to recognize domestic violence and research about batterer narratives. Any professional without this necessary expertise must consult with someone who has this knowledge prior to giving any recommendation to the court.

3 A post graduate degree in mental health such as psychology, psychiatry or social work absent specialized and approved training shall not be considered proof of domestic violence expertise. A court shall not refuse to qualify an individual as a domestic violence expert because the witness does not possess a post graduate degree if the witness can demonstrate expertise based upon training and experience.

4. In any custody case where either domestic violence or child abuse is raised during the litigation process and even where a court may have already heard and determined there is not significant enough domestic violence to warrant a restraining order and in which there is no substantial basis to believe the parties or children have a significant mental health impairment likely to interfere with parenting ability, courts should not order a mental health evaluation. The court may appoint a domestic violence expert to help the court understand the significance of evidence related to domestic violence and must permit parties to present evidence from a qualified domestic violence expert.

5. Courts shall look to current, valid scientific research concerning domestic violence to help inform its decisions in all cases where domestic violence or child abuse is raised during the course of custody litigation Courts shall not permit practices or approaches that do not have scientific bases and are not accepted practice within the specialized field of practice of domestic violence and child abuse. Professionals who engage in practices based upon such unscientific beliefs shall not be qualified to participate in custody cases where domestic violence or child abuse is raised during the course of litigation.

6. In cases in which allegations of domestic violence are supported by the preponderance of the evidence, the safe or safer parent shall receive sole custody absent clear and convincing proof that the parent creates an imminent safety risk to the children. The parent who has committed domestic violence shall be permitted only supervised visitation pending a risk assessment by a domestic violence/child abuse professional. In order for the abusive parent to obtain unsupervised visitation, the parent must complete at least a six month accountability program, accept full responsibility for past abuse, commit to never abusing the children or future partners, understand the harm the abuse caused and convince the court that the benefit of unsupervised visitation outweighs any risk. Termination of all visitation should be considered upon proofs of failure to comply as it will present the children with a known dangerous circumstance.

7. A parent shall not be penalized for making a good faith complaint about domestic violence or child abuse.

8. Courts shall not use approaches developed for “high conflict” cases designed to encourage parents to cooperate in any litigated custody case if there have been allegations of domestic violence and or child abuse which have been supported with an expert report opining there is a reasonable risk to children and shared parenting shall not be permitted in these cases absent voluntary consent of both parties. Consent must be determined to be without coercion or undue pressure.

9. In cases in which there are allegations of domestic violence, a history between the parties that includes restraining orders, criminal charges or other evidence of possible domestic violence, early in the proceeding, before the appointment of any GAL, evaluator or other neutral professional the court shall conduct an evidentiary hearing to determine if one of the parties has engaged in a pattern of domestic violence. If the court finds domestic violence and the non or less abusive parent is safe the court shall award custody to the safe parent and supervised visitation to the abusive parent. A finding denying the allegations of domestic violence shall not prevent the court from considering additional evidence of domestic violence later in the case.

10. In any case in which the trial judge engaged in or tolerated gender biased practices or permitted practices or approaches based on myths, stereotypes or other bias, an appellate court shall not defer to the judgment of the trial court.

11. In any case involving allegations of child sexual abuse, any professionals asked by the court for a risk assessment or evaluation must have specialized training and experience of a minimum of five years after completing training working with children and expertise in child sexual abuse. Investigators shall take sufficient time to develop a trusting relationship before expecting the child to speak about the allegations. It shall be recognized that children frequently recant valid allegations of child abuse so a recantation shall not by itself be treated as absolute proof the allegations were false. No negative inference(s) may be drawn from a decision by a prosecutor or child protective agency not to file charges against a named perpetrator of domestic violence or child abuse and shall not be treated as proof the allegations are untrue. Given the difficulty of proving valid complaints about child sexual abuse, judges who make a finding that the allegations were deliberately false must demonstrate they considered not only if the allegations are true but other common circumstances such as violation of boundaries, inadequate information to determine the validity of the allegations and mistaken allegations made in good faith. In cases in which a court determined sexual abuse allegations cannot be proven, the court shall consider new evidence in the context of the evidence previously considered. No decision shall be made by a court absent a full evidentiary hearing with the parent having a right to have an expert of their choosing heard by the court. No preference and no deference shall be given to any expert selected by the court and identical standards of review and credibility shall be applied by the trial court.

12. This law is designed to correct common present practices that have been shown to work poorly for the protection of children. The law seeks to encourage custody court professionals to look to current, valid, scientific research to inform their decisions and stop using the outdated and discredited practices described in the legislative history. The use of such flawed practices in prior decisions shall be considered a change of circumstance that entitles the parties to request the court to reconsider arrangements that were created based upon flawed practices.

Training and Retraining: Any judge who hears a case involving the issue of domestic violence and/or child abuse as part of judicial responsibility shall receive specialized training regarding the new practices adopted by this law and the specialized information it is based upon. They shall also receive retraining concerning prior practices which have not worked to sufficiently protect children. GALs appointed to represent children where domestic violence and or child abuse is raised during the course of litigation shall receive specialized training and retraining. The trainings shall be presented by domestic violence advocates and/or other similar experts knowledgeable about the safety practices described herein and current scientific research such as described herein. The state shall provide additional funding to domestic violence agencies to train advocates to serve as domestic violence experts in court and to help train court professionals.

Findings:

1. Present Response to Domestic Violence Custody Cases Working Poorly for Children: Research based on the outcomes of domestic violence custody cases demonstrate frequent arrangements that place children at risk and standard practices shown to work poorly for children. Nationally, 58,000 children are sent for custody or unprotected visitation with dangerous abusers annually and in a two year period starting in 2009 fathers involved in contested custody cases murdered 175 children often with the unwitting assistance of the courts.

2. Large Majority of Contested Custody are Domestic Violence Cases: Many court professionals treat contested custody as “high conflict” but between 75-90% are actually domestic violence cases. This flawed practice results in courts pressuring victims to cooperate with their abusers instead of requiring abusers to stop their abuse. The most dangerous abusers, the ones who believe their partners have no right to leave have developed a particularly harmful tactic of seeking custody as a way to maintain control, pressure their partner to return or punish them for leaving. Court professionals, anxious to keep both parents in the children’s lives fail to consider motivation or ask why a parent who had minimal involvement with the children during the relationship suddenly demands custody in response to the separation. As a result there is a pattern of courts supporting abusers and punishing victims who continue to view their partner as unsafe. Contrary to a popular misconception, children do not need both parents equally. They need their primary attachment figure more than the other parent and the safe parent more than the abusive one.

3. Failure to Recognize Domestic Violence: Although a large majority of contested custody cases involve domestic violence, at least 70% result in custody or joint custody to the alleged abuser. One of the causes for this problem is flawed practices that make it hard for judges to recognize valid complaints about domestic violence. Court professionals often discredit valid allegations based on non-probative information such as a victim returning to the abuser, failing to follow-up on petition for protective order, lack of police or medical reports and observing children interact with the alleged abuser without showing fear (not realizing children know parent won’t hurt them in front of witness). At the same time court professionals fail to look for a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviors that in addition to physical abuse often include, verbal, emotional and psychological abuse, isolating tactics, economic abuse, monitoring behaviors, litigation abuse, past parenting behaviors and threatening or using custody as a tactic to pressure the partner to stay or punishing partner for leaving.

4. Court Response to Sexual Abuse Allegations Especially Problematic: By the time children reach the age of eighteen, one-third of the girls and one-seventh of the boys have been sexually abused. The stereotypical rapist or sexual abuser is a stranger, but 83% of these crimes are committed by someone the victim knows and for children this is often their father. Although children rarely make false allegations, 85% of sexual abuse allegations in custody cases result in custody to the alleged abuser. Sexual abuse of young children is extremely difficult to prove. Many instances of abuse leave no physical evidence and when there is evidence it often is no longer available by the time the child reveals the abuse. Many professionals particularly those who are not experts in child sexual abuse are reluctant to believe someone could commit such a heinous act particularly if they are successful in other parts of their lives. This stereotype also contributed to the Catholic Church sex scandal and the scandals at Penn State and Syracuse University. Many flawed practices have contributed to courts sending children to live with sexual predators and often punishing protective parents who try to protect their children.

5. Many Court Professionals Believe the Myth that Mothers Frequently Make Deliberately False Allegations of Abuse: A new U. S. Department of Justice study led by Dr. Daniel Saunders of the University of Michigan found that most evaluators and other court professionals have inadequate domestic violence training and those without needed training are more likely to believe this myth. Current scientific research establishes that deliberately false allegations by mothers in contested custody cases occur between one and two percent of the time. Nevertheless many court professionals continue to make recommendation based on this myth and this has been shown to work poorly for children. The use of this myth is an important factor in the widespread failure of custody courts to support valid allegations of domestic violence and child sexual abuse.

6. Gender Bias against Women Continues to be Widespread in the Court System: New Jersey was the first of over 40 states and many districts to create court-sponsored gender bias committees. They have found widespread bias against women particularly women litigants. Among the common examples are giving women less credibility, requiring a higher standard of proof and blaming women for the actions of their abusers. The use and tolerance of this bias is an important factor in keeping the myth that women frequently make false allegations alive. Judges and other professionals who engage in gender bias usually do so unconsciously, but there has been a lack of openness to hear this complaint and appellate courts are not reversing cases when this bias is in place.

Definitions:

1. Domestic Violence are a pattern of coercive and controlling tactics by one partner against another in an intimate partner relationship designed to maintain control over the partner and make the major decisions in the relationship. These tactics are intended to induce fear in the partner. Although abusers often use physical violence as one of the tactics, not all abusers engage in physical violence and most tactics are not physical and not illegal. Common tactics include verbal, emotional, psychological and economic abuse, isolating tactics, threats including threats to seek custody if the victim leaves, controlling behaviors, monitoring, litigation abuse and especially demands for custody or joint custody in order to pressure the partner to return or punish the partner for leaving.

2. Promoting safety of the children includes both preventing direct assault of the children and creating situations that have been shown to increase the likelihood the children will engage in harmful behaviors. Separating children from their primary attachment figure which has been shown to increase the risk of children to suffer depression, low self-esteem and commit suicide when older and witnessing domestic violence which has been shown to interfere with the ability of children to reach developmental milestones and increase the likelihood the children will engage in a wide range of harmful behaviors when older are common examples of situations that create a safety risk for children.

3. Domestic violence cases are cases in which there is an allegation of domestic violence or evidence or information that supports the possibility that one or both parties engaged in domestic violence tactics. The fact that no finding has been made should not be used to deny it is a domestic violence case because it requires domestic violence expertise to determine if the allegations are valid.


The Need to be Heard

Many protective mothers and their supporters are appropriately angry at the mistreatment they have received. I think I have some understanding of this feeling as I was similarly mistreated by the court system which suspended my law license in retaliation for exposing an abusive judge. Attacks on the offending court professionals, however justified, may feel good but do not help the cause of reforming the broken system. Those with the power to support reforms will not be convinced by such attacks. In other words, the name calling does not help our children.

The focus of my proposal is to make safety of children the first priority for custody and visitation decisions. I particularly like this formulation because it would be hard for legislators or judges to disagree that safety should be the first priority. Indeed their major objection might be their belief that it already is. In practice the ideological view that both parents should be treated the same (regardless of past parenting) has been given a much higher priority and implemented in a way that frequently separate children from their mothers who are usually their primary attachment figures. Focusing on safety reframes the discussion in many useful ways.

One of the best strategies for supporting protective mothers is focusing on the children. Abusers seek to frame mothers’ attempts at protecting their children as if it was only a reflection of her anger at him. In the infamous Shockome case the court treated statements by the mother that the children should eat healthy meals, dress appropriately for the weather and avoid adult oriented programming as if this was proof of alienation. It was considered an attack on the father who engaged in all these harmful parenting practices. A safety first requirement would make the mother’s concerns important because they concern the health and safety of the children while the father’s complaint had no safety component.

Most states have laws or case law that sets forth factors to be considered in determining custody. As protective mothers are usually focused on abuse cases it is worth remembering that most cases do not involve domestic violence or child abuse which is why they usually settle much more easily. Most of the factors are reasonable and would be appropriate to consider when no safety risks are involved. Every state has laws requiring the courts to consider domestic violence and the purpose was to safeguard the safety of children. Unfortunately few states specifically require safety to be the first priority and the standard flawed practices have emphasized less important issues and prevented court professionals from recognizing when children are at risk. In many ways this proposal would simply require what the legislatures thought they were creating when they passed their domestic violence laws.

What Considerations does Safety Include?

We frequently see unqualified court professionals deny or minimize domestic violence allegations because “he didn’t beat her bloody.” or assume there is no further risk because the parents are separated. These are just some of the common mistakes routinely made by custody courts that rely on professionals without domestic violence expertise. This law would more specifically define both domestic violence and safety so that practices based on this ignorance would be illegal.

The proposal defines safety to include not only direct physical assault, but also situations that have been shown to encourage children to engage in behaviors that undermine their safety. It specifically mentions separating children from their primary attachment figure which increases the risk of depression, low self-esteem and suicide as well as witnessing domestic violence which interferes with children’s developmental process and often leads to a wide variety of harmful behaviors when older. If the purpose is to protect children’s safety, these risks must be avoided.

The proposal also provides a more accurate definition of domestic violence which is important because so many court professionals don’t know how to recognize it. We specifically state that domestic violence is not limited to physical assaults, but rather includes a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviors. This would force courts to look at important examples of domestic violence such as emotional, psychological, and economic and litigation abuse. It also includes isolating and monitoring behaviors. The emphasis of patterns and the purpose to control and coerce are designed to stop practices in which the victim hits back in self-defense or frustration and unqualified professionals treat this as if it were domestic violence.

We often see unqualified court professionals try to frame issues to include safety despite no research to support this concern. Aside from the fact that alienation has become an abuser’s tactic to distract attention from more important issues, we certainly do not want to encourage alienating behaviors. Genuine alienating behavior, more commonly practiced by abusers is certainly harmful to children, but there is no research that it poses safety issues. In other words issues like domestic violence and primary attachment have a greater impact on children, but the courts have paid much more attention to alienation allegations than safety issues.

Recognizing primary attachment as a safety issue should create a fundamental and positive change in the courts’ response to custody cases. We often see courts minimize an important benefit for children because of the expectation mothers will provide most of the child care. In some cases courts unconsciously favor fathers in an attempt to balance the advantage mothers have by virtue of their stronger relationships with the children. Understanding how primary attachment impacts safety should result in different outcomes.

Abusers would have to explain to a court what unusual circumstances would justify increasing the child’s risk of depression, low self-esteem and suicide. Issues like financial security, alienation and even most of the mental health diagnoses we see from unqualified psychologists would not justify the risk. I would expect the extreme cases in which mothers are limited to supervised or no visitation because they continue to believe the fathers are abusive would receive close scrutiny because the courts would be required to emphasize safety concerns.

Even if a judge or other court professional wants to distort some research to treat alienation or other similar tactics as if it was a safety issue, the law specifically prevents it by giving examples of the kinds of common issues unqualified professionals have used to undermine children’s safety. Indeed evaluators and other professionals used by the courts for advice would be disqualified if they continue to use unscientific approaches.

Mandating Practices Supported by Current Scientific Research

The biggest obstacle to courts protecting children in domestic violence cases is their reliance on unqualified professionals together with unjustified confidence in their ability to understand abuse. In many cases the judge is only looking for a mental health degree, but even when domestic violence expertise is requested, the mental health professionals claim such expertise because there is no strict standard about what that means. The Safe Child Act would require very specific knowledge as a condition of participating in domestic violence cases and this expertise would be difficult for the usual suspects relied on by the courts to fake. Their reports would be expected to discuss these topics and the failure to do so would be a basis to discredit the report or for an appeals court to reverse a decision.

The mandatory expertise would include behaviors associated with higher risks of lethality or other dangers, domestic violence dynamics, recognizing domestic violence, effects of domestic violence on children and familiarity with batterer narratives. Genuine experts with this expertise can be relied on to recognize domestic violence and make recommendations that protect the safety of children.

The proposed legislation also requires the use of current scientific research to inform court decisions. This is important because unqualified evaluators often use their personal beliefs and biases and invalid theories instead of current research. The law specifically discusses the kinds of studies the legislature wants the courts to use in order to avoid bogus theories that are not based upon valid research. It specifically refers to research that unqualified professionals often rely on the myth that women frequently make false allegations.

Parental Alienation Syndrome is not mentioned by name, but the law would bar theories like PAS that have no scientific basis. Furthermore professionals who seek to use such bogus theories would be barred from participating in domestic violence cases. The recent rejection of the campaign to include PAS in the DSM IV because it has no scientific basis should make it easy for PAS to be rejected including when it is used by other names such as parental alienation or just alienation.

Child Sexual Abuse Cases

Allegations of child sexual abuse make people uncomfortable and court professionals often respond by using practices that undermine their ability to recognize and respond to valid allegations. In the findings the law specifically describes the problem of courts frequently giving custody to sexual predators and taking safe, protective mothers out of children’s lives at a time when the children most need them. The law is clear that one of the purposes is to reform the way custody courts respond to child sexual abuse allegations.

Several improved practices are specifically required. Any professionals relied on by the courts would be required to have experience and expertise in child sexual abuse. They would be required to take the time to develop a trusting relationship with the child before expecting her to reveal the abuse. Practices that treated the failure of prosecutors of child protective agencies to bring charges as proof the allegations were false would be outlawed. Courts would be forbidden to penalize parents for making good faith allegations of abuse. Courts would be required to consider common situations like boundary violations, evidence that is insufficient to determine if the allegations are true, and good faith allegations that turn out wrong. Accordingly courts would be discouraged from limiting their investigation to the possibility that the allegation is true or else assuming it is a deliberately false allegation.

The law would also take steps to prevent the blind reliance of mental health professionals who often do not have the needed expertise or worse have a bias against believing mothers’ allegations. All parties would have the right to present their own expert witnesses and the court would be required to evaluate the expert testimony based upon credentials and the value of the testimony rather than automatically give preference to the court-appointed expert. This is important as we often see courts refuse to hear domestic violence or other experts that could help the court understand the circumstances.

Retraining Judges and other Court Professionals

Contrary to appearances, judges receive training about domestic violence and other related issues. The problem is that some of the trainings are provided by unqualified professionals and when a good training is presented some judges, believing they already know everything, do not pay much attention. Most legal professionals have heard the often unqualified evaluators providing misinformation throughout their careers and so the wrong information can be so deeply ingrained they are not open to evidence based upon current scientific research that disputes what they have heard most of their careers.

I believe that by making substantial changes in the way domestic violence custody cases are considered it will encourage court professionals to hear the new information because that is what will be required to respond to cases from now on. The law also requires that the information be presented by genuine experts in domestic violence and be based on current scientific research. As discussed earlier, the law would require courts to consider specific types of information that are needed to assess the safety of children. Judges and other court professionals are unfamiliar with this information because they have been relying on mental health professionals who do not have the needed domestic violence expertise. Indeed this was the finding of the new U. S. Department of Justice study.

The language in the proposal refers not just to training but retraining. It says that the present practices and beliefs have not worked to protect children’s safety. In order to avoid being reversed, judges will have to have an understanding of the new safety practices and avoid the old flawed practices. Without active participation in the retraining programs, the judges’ mistakes would become obvious. This would create some accountability that has been sorely missing. In fairness, I do not believe most judges want to hurt children or even risk their safety. They just do not understand the enormous harm they have been causing.

The Importance of Findings

The proposed legislation includes extensive findings and I believe this is important because it essentially says that the present practices are working poorly for children. Lawyers representing protective mothers will be able to cite the findings in case abusers or judges seek to undermine the purpose of the reforms. The findings make it clear that the intent of the legislature is for courts to stop using practices that have proven so harmful to children.

The findings specifically challenge the widespread assumption by court professionals that contested custody are “high conflict” cases. Instead the law makes findings based on current research that most contested custody are really domestic violence cases in which an abuser is seeking custody to maintain control after his partner left him. This different understanding is critical because it encourages the use of accountability against abusers and to make him stop instead of pressuring his victim to cooperate with him. An attorney should have an easy time challenging the uses of flawed “high conflict” approaches because the legislature is telling the courts those approaches are harmful to children.

One of the big problems in domestic violence custody cases is that courts, using flawed practices and unqualified professionals fail to recognize valid complaints about domestic violence. This frequently results in punishment of the mother for trying to protect her children. The findings state specifically that the courts are frequently failing to recognize domestic violence because of the outdated and discredited practices they use. Attorneys should be able to challenge these practices more effectively by citing the findings by the legislature. The legislation also finds that unqualified professionals often rely on the myth that women frequently make false allegations of abuse. This leads to the rejection of many valid complaints without a fair hearing. The law also confirms the problem of widespread gender bias against women litigants and requires appellate courts to reverse decisions based on these biased approaches.

The legislation also finds that the courts’ response to sexual abuse allegations has been a disaster for children. Many of the common mistakes are discussed in the findings. The courts will have to change its practices as a result of the legislation and if the changes do not result in significant changes in the pattern of outcomes it would be clear the courts are not implementing the intent of the legislature. The child sexual abuse scandals at the Catholic Church, Penn State and Syracuse were allowed to continue longer because of the widespread assumption that men who are successful in other parts of their lives could not have committed such vile actions. This is the same mistake the custody courts keep making and the findings should force the courts to change this practice.

Correcting Existing Mistaken Outcomes

What do we do about the tens of thousands of heartbreaking cases in which custody courts have used their standard flawed practices to separate children from safe protective mothers who usually have been their primary attachment figure and sent them to live with dangerous abusers? Courts follow the doctrine of stare decisis in all cases, not just custody or domestic violence. This mean that once they make a decision, it is binding on both parties and cannot be relitigated. There are many good reasons for this practice as constantly retrying cases because one party is dissatisfied with the results would clog the courts and waste resources. We can be sure abusers would take full advantage if they were permitted to.

We often see cases in which the court considered allegations of domestic violence or child abuse, found against the mother and then refuse to consider new evidence that with the earlier evidence would prove the father is dangerous. The original decision might be because there was not sufficient evidence or the flawed practices prevented the court from using the evidence to understand the actual situation. The Safe Child Act would provide a solution and create the opportunity for many children to be rescued.

The law would say that the findings that custody courts are routinely using bad practices that result in its failure to recognize valid allegations of abuse. Accordingly the passage of the law and the findings and research it is based upon constitute a change of circumstance that would permit victims of the flawed practices to have a new hearing to determine if the custody-visitation arrangement should be changed based upon the improved practices required by the law and the research about children’s safety. Once courts make a mistake and send children to live with an abuser they often refuse to return the child to the safe parent based on continuity. Basically this means that children do better when their lives are not disrupted so there is a strong tendency to leave the child with the custodial parent (of course this does not seem to be an obstacle when they want to remove children from their mothers). Continuity is a valid consideration and reasonable to be included in the factors determining custody. It is not, however a safety issue so that proof of domestic violence, child abuse or primary attachment which are all safety issues would take precedence.

This means that courts could not refuse to provide a new hearing or consider evidence of domestic violence or child abuse despite prior denials of the allegations. In the new hearing the courts would have to use the new and improved practices mandated by the law. Hopefully this would discourage courts from continuing to send children to live with abusers because this would only make more work for the court. Most importantly, the law would give protective parents an opportunity to rescue children placed in danger by mistaken court decisions.

Additional Useful Benefits

One of the big problems in the custody court has been the reliance on unqualified mental health professionals. Courts originally turned to them based on the popular assumption that domestic violence was caused by substance abuse, mental illness or the actions of the victim. We now know that these assumptions were wrong, but the courts continue to treat a mental health degree as if it provided expertise in domestic violence. Interestingly, the new Department of Justice study found that recommendations from social workers and lawyers worked better for children than those made by psychologists and psychiatrists. This contradicts popular beliefs that a degree based on a longer course of study would provide more expertise. It appears psychologists and psychiatrists are less effective in domestic violence cases because they rely on psychological testing that is not useful in most cases and fail to use a holistic approach. The Safe Child Act would specifically state that graduate degrees should not be treated as proof of domestic violence expertise and the lack of such degrees should not be the basis for refusing to listen to testimony from domestic violence experts. Even the current law provides for qualifying experts based on training and experience, but many judges have failed to follow the law when disqualifying domestic violence experts who usually know more about domestic violence than the mental health professionals routinely relied on. The law would also discourage the use of mental health professionals in cases where there are no legitimate mental health issues.

The proposal would also mandate early evidentiary hearings in all cases in which there are allegations or evidence of domestic violence. The hearing would be limited to the issue of whether the abuse allegations are true. There would be no need to go to the time and expense of appointing a GAL or evaluator as the hearing would be limited to the factual issue of the validity of domestic violence allegations. If the allegations are true and the non-abusive parent is safe, she would receive custody and the abuser would be limited to supervised visitation. Instead of forcing victims to accommodate their abusers, the law would place the burden on the abuser to change his behavior and convince the court it would be safe for him to have unsupervised visitation. Any further abuse would end all visitation.

Conclusion

As I discussed last month in my article about legislative proposals, there are other ideas and provisions that could be added to the reforms and some of the ideas in this proposal could be removed if necessary to gain approval. I believe that as long as safety of children is effectively treated as the first priority, this will create the fundamental reforms necessary to alter the frequency of outcomes that place children in jeopardy. It is critical that safety be defined to include not only physical abuse, but also situations that place children at risk. Also critical is the definition of domestic violence both to help courts recognize the coercive and controlling behaviors abusers use and to avoid the mistakes where victims are accused of domestic violence if they strike out in self-defense or frustration.

The heart of the proposal is the requirement that professionals used to provide expertise and advice to the court are knowledgeable about the five subjects required for an understanding of domestic violence. These are:

1. Knowing what behaviors are associated with higher risk of lethality or injury.

2. Domestic violence dynamics

3. The effects of domestic violence on children.

4. Recognizing domestic violence

5. Batterer narratives.

With these provisions the courts can stop sending children to live with dangerous abusers. Instead of pressuring mothers to cooperate with their abusers they can be using their power and authority to require him to stop his abuse if he wants to have a relationship with the children. It is important for legislators and court professionals to understand that children do not need both parents equally. They need the safe parent more than the abusive one and their primary attachment figure more than their other parent. It is certainly high time the courts start making decisions that are truly based on what is really in the best interests of the children.



Barry Goldstein is a nationally recognized domestic violence expert, speaker, writer and consultant. He is the co-editor with Mo Therese Hannah of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY. Barry can be reached by email from their web site www.Domesticviolenceabuseandchildcustody.com 

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