Out of the Darkness: Live in the Light

By Neil Schori

Why do we return to the very things that can harm us so badly?  Alcoholics return to the bottle many years after promising to leave it alone.  We eat well for a time and then fall off the wagon and go back to our overly-indulgent ways.  Each day people are diagnosed with lung cancer, but they refuse to stop smoking the cigarettes that will end up hastening the end of their lives.  It makes no sense, does it?  But we all lured back into the darkness, aren't we?

In the Bible, the Apostle Paul says it like this in the book of Ephesians 5:8~

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light...The Apostle Paul knew something about human nature.  He knew that we need to be reminded to live in the light, because for many different reasons, we tend to walk back into darkness of all varieties.  Why is that?  Why do we return to things and people and relationships that can hurt us so deeply?

My daughter, Ava, broke her arm very severely a little bit over a year ago.  It was such a bad break that it required surgery from one of the most recommended surgeons in the Chicago-land area.  Unfortunately, his schedule was full, and we had to delay her surgery for two weeks.  Ava, my effervescent two year old had to try to live life with her arm in a splint.  Finally the surgery happened and afterward, Ava's arm was put in a cast for three whole weeks.

We planned a celebration at the end of the three weeks, and called it "Ava's Cast-Off Party," and invited all of her neighborhood friends.  We were ready to party...and so was everyone.  Except for Ava.  Our little girl had become so familiar with having a cast, that she still just wanted to use her other arm.  She also had become so scared of the pain, that she was oblivious to the fact that her cast was now gone and she was as able as she ever was before.

Fear and familiarity do that, don't they?  That's why we stay in unhealthy relationships because we don't know how to live free, and the familiar seems so much easier to "do," even when it very well may kill us.  Here's what you have to realize: if you are being abused, you must break free from the fear and familiarity of your abuser.  Tell your story to trusted friends.  Refuse to be silent.  When you break your silence, he will start to lose his control over you.  And suddenly, you'll start to see that living in the light is a wonderful thing.  You were meant for it.

If you need help, I'm here.  I will help you find your way back to the light.

Peace,


Neil


Neil Schori is pastor of Naperville Christian Church.  Visit his website www.neilschori.com

Darkness to Light

By Lavinia Masters

Darkness in contrast with brightness is a relative absence of visible light. It has an appearance of black in a color space. When light is not present, rod and cone cells within the eye are not stimulated and this lack of stimulation means that photoreceptor cell are unable to distinguish color frequency and wave length. The resulting perception is achromatic (or without color) and in the case of darkness…black.

The emotional reaction to darkness has metaphorical importance in many cultures…such as science: a dark object absorbs photons (a quantum of visible light) and therefore appears dim in comparison to other objects. Therefore light can simply be absorbed without limit because energy like visible light cannot be created or destroyed. It can however only be converted from one type of energy to another. Most objects absorb visible light and remit it as an infrared light so although an object may appear dark; it is likely bright at frequency that a human eye cannot see.

Then if we speak poetically about darkness we find that darkness can also mean the presence of shadows, evil and depression. Religious texts often use darkness to make a visual point. In the Bible, darkness was the second to last plague (Exodus 10:21) and the location of “weeping and gnashing of teeth” (Matthew 8:12). The use of darkness as a rhetorical device has a long standing tradition. Shakesphere referenced satan in his plays as the “prince” of darkness; while Chaucer a 14th Century Middle English writer, wrote that knights must cast away the “worker of darkness” and Dante described hell as “solid darkness stained”.

Moreover if we speak about darkness artistically we discover that darkness can also be used to emphasize or contrast with light. Take color paints for example they are mixed together to create darkness because each color absorbs certain frequencies of light.

So emotionally, physically and mentally this is the place where I dwelled after July 31, 1985…darkness. This was the night that I was brutally raped and attacked in the privacy of my own home as a child. This is the night that I thought day would never come and my “dark areas” had so limited light sources that it made things hard to see.

My life was in contrast with brightness, my life had an absence of visible light, my life had the appearance of “black” in all my color space and because there was no light present my life was no longer stimulated and because I could no longer distinguish life from death my will to survive was “black”.

It was not until after I almost lost all that I had, which was my family, that I realized that the overshadowing of my darkness was way too loud and I needed to find my way back to light. I not only desired to be visible to the human eye but I desired my life, heart, soul and purpose to be stimulated. I desired to begin to distinguish my joys from my pains and to replace my fears with bravery. I no longer wanted to absorb all the mixed emotions and self inflicted pain that being a victim carries.

I had to understand and believe that the visible light that God had created within me was not created by my circumstances so therefore it could not be destroyed by my circumstances. I realized that a victim that lives in the shadows of darkness not lonely remains depressed but has a tendency of depressing everyone that comes into contacts with them. When I looked into the mirror I did not like what I could not see…I did not see life, I did not see hope, I did not see a future, I did not see joy, I did not see peace and worst of all I could not see me.

Sexual and relationship violence are occurrences that no one likes to talk about but unfortunately they are indeed occurrences that happen every day…even as you read this blog. So as advocates and survivors we not only have to continue to speak up and out against these types of offences but we also have to learn how to protect, preserve and nourish the survivor in all of us.

As survivors we must learn that you are and deserve the best because God created you and designed you after His own image. A survivor is a person of worth, a person of beauty, a person of strength but most importantly a person of courage! Darkness has no place where there is worth and it cannot overshadow beauty… let it also be understood that darkness is weak where there is strength and darkness breaks loose where courage presides.

Let your light shine through your darkness…let your light lead you from the darkness.



Lavinia B. Masters is the Founder of S.A.V.E. Ministries which assists victims of sexual abuse and intimate partner violence in the Dallas, TX area, and the author of Breathe Again.

Vital Belief #4—Take Care of You First

By Pamela Chapman

If you read my previous blog entry, Vital Belief #3, you’ll recall that I spoke of breathing correctly. I spoke of the flight attendant telling you to put the oxygen mask over your own nose and mouth in case of emergency and why doing so is critical. Today’s blog is just an expansion of that and is written especially for you ladies. Gentlemen, you can follow the same advice, but we girls tend to take care of everyone else before we think of ourselves. We don’t usually take time for ourselves until our bodies are screaming “STOP!” or literally stopping us with illness.


While many of our Time’s Up! activists are pursing incredibly urgent causes—abuse, missing persons, murder, and cyber crimes, to name a few—I am committed to inspiring, motivating, strengthening, and bringing inner healing to you while you fight. I commit to building your stamina while you carry on for the cause. This is why my writings never speak to the pain, but bring you glimpses of peace, light, and love. 


In your urgent and critical endeavors, it is so easy to forget about you and the importance of taking care of yourself. You might even consider it selfish to think about yourself when there are so many atrocities occurring 24/7 around the world. But, let me put it this way: without you, those atrocities wouldn’t be confronted or addressed. Your movement would possibly die or be delayed. So, here’s some simple and practical advice that won’t take a lot of your time or energy.

When your mind is unfocused, you can’t remember where you’re putting things, you don’t know what you did last or what you should do next, and your body aches all over, STOP! Take a break—take time off. Take time to smell the roses, look at the blue sky by day, and count the stars by night. Check out that ball in the sky that gives you light for the darkest night, takes on different shapes, and even smiles at you at times. Take off your shoes and socks and feel the grass between your toes, take a deep breath and smell its freshness, put your ear to its roots and listen to it crackle as it grows—it’s life. Is there an ocean nearby so that you can listen to its roar and hear what it wants to say to you? Is there a calm river that wants to take you gently and peacefully, without your working, downstream?


Pretty Woman, one of my all time favorite movies (that and the Ten Commandments—go figure) shows us how a working woman, a woman of the oldest profession, teaches an ambitious, overachieving entrepreneur how to embrace life and love and take care of himself. It’s not enough to pursue your goals, passions, or causes if you, in turn, miss out on life and neglect yourself. This may rub you the wrong way, but let me remind you of this: the basis of life isfreedom; the result of life is expansion; and the purpose of life is life more abundant. 


That statement may really tick you off, especially if you have just experienced tragedy. But I reiterate: the purpose of that tragedy is to expand you and bring you to your purpose in life. All Creation knew you could move through the experience, make the choice to step up to the experience, and then do something about it. You weren’t going to just take it. The experience may have crippled you for a moment, but you chose to get up and out of your pain, disappointment, and anger. You made a choice to carry on. During the process you may have cried, broken down, and even come close to death yourself, but in the end, you endured and found or are finding joy and peace in making great change. Your purpose will outweigh your pain if you say yes to the call.


With that being said, you must take care of you. Go back to the first three vital beliefs I gave you at the beginning of the year: ground yourself every day, if not several times a day; only put out what you want to get back (love, joy, and peace); and  breathe deeply. If your body or mind begins to ache, it’s sending you a signal: you’re out of alignment (ouch). If you start to sneeze and cough, you’re doing too much (ouch again), and if you find yourself with a more serious dis/ease (heart ailment, diabetes, or, God forbid, cancer) this is your body crying out for you to love YOU. Let go, rest, wait, refocus, reenergize, and balance. Do some soul searching. Your body, soul, and spirit are sending you a strong message. You can do all of the things you want to do: pursue careers, raise children, seek justice, introduce bills and amendments, expose untruths, and reveal truths. But do it in wholeness, not brokenness. 


You make no great witness if you are unbalanced, broken, or bereaved. It is my belief that the only way you’re going to change the world is to be that example of wholeness: to be the healed (mentally, physically emotionally), to be the light, and to be the love. When we can be that, others will want to be like us. You can only become that by taking care of you first.


In love, light, and healing,
Pamela Chapman
Certified Self-Esteem, Life-Transition Expert
Certified Domestic Violence Specialist

Out Of The Dark

By Susan Murphy Milano

Growing up in a home where violence is part of your daily existence does not only affect the victim and the abuser, but it wreaks havoc on children born into this toxic environment well into their adult life.


As an adult survivor of violence and homicide I hid from being labeled a “victim.” I did not want anyone to see me weak, hurt or distraught. I learned how to be in control of my entire world. This included my work with victims of stalking and violence. I created a strong image for the world to see that allowed me to assist those who lived and played in very dark sandboxes, the same box I would go and hide when no one was looking. As if I were playing a game of hide and seek with myself.


I would discover just how dark my sandbox was in the fall of 2009. If you happen to listen to my weekly show on blog talk radio it was evident that something was wrong with my throat and voice. It had a mind of its own. One minute I would be talking in my normal tone and after a few minutes it would raise up and go loud or very rough for no reason at all. My throat would get so bad I timed each of my telephone conversations. By the end of the day my voice was gone and all you could hear was a strained whisper. I attempted to make excuses telling friends and colleagues that I had a cold or a sinus infection. People expressed concern and I continued making excuses.


I had already known for quite some time that something was wrong. I made an appoinment with a doctor. He scheduled me for a biopsy and I waited for the results to come back. I told no one.




Readily, I accepted the diagnosis and did not give it a second thought when the doctors offered me little hope for a full recovery.




In true "Jane Wayne” I can do anything spirit, I was prepared and preparing for the end of my life’s journey. With my new book “Time’s Up” about to release and another book “Holding My Hand Through Hell” scheduled for 2011, I worked with the help of my colleague and close friend Delilah to complete the projects. I was out of gas so to speak with little to no energy, sadly I could no longer continue with the Justice Interrupted program. A show I created to bring awareness for victims of unsolved crimes. This world had shown only darkness and being diagnosed with a life threatening condition I had done what I never let victims of abuse or suvivors of homicide do, give up.


After the holidays my doctor arranged hospice care for when it was time. I decided to say goodbye one by one to friends and colleagues. I made arrangements to visit each person either by car or air bringing special gifts of love as I said my final goodbye.


I was more at peace with dying then I had ever been with living. In my sandbox the light never really warmed the sand.


But the light from my friends was too bright. One by one each rallied around to do what was necessary to keep me here. Their love for me and my work was my river of warmth, love and more importantly light. Almost daily I received books, cd’s and emails of prayers from total strangers. Churches I never heard of contacted me asking how they could help me. Doctor’s in the field offered to provide medical services without charge.


When my health went into a downward spiral a friend flew in to town, rented a car and took me home with her. I had never experienced anyone ever doing anything for me without expecting something back in return.


Several days later I responded to the medication and my health improved. My voice returned and the tumor that was blocking my airway is now gone. I would like to tell you that I had a medical miracle and expect a full recovery. But that is only a small part to my recovery. The miracle is really about God and how he placed all those loving, wonderful people on my path and in my life whom refused to allow me to give up. Words don't seem adequate in describing my deepest thanks, but they are why I am still here.






To my shinning angels, thank you Delilah, Jaemi, Jillian, Kathryn, David, Chris, Nancy, Lavinia, Denise, Neil, Michael, Jay, Christine, Lisa, Jason, Dirk, Cherry, Wanda, Deon, Jennifer, Nicole, Claudine, David, Anny, Mitchell, Patte, Amanda, Diane, Nancy, Paul, Dawn, Margaret, Ward and all the others who have surrounded me with their love and placed me in the light.