Stop and Smell the Happy

By Susie Kroll

“Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.”

Guillaume Apollinaire (1880-1918)

As a professional speaker and advocate for Teen Dating Violence, I spend a lot of time in junior high and high schools. Teen Dating Violence is a weighty subject especially for teens and parents. It can be made even more volatile when parents aren’t the model of a healthy relationship that their children need to see. When I go out to speak to teens and tweens I invariably meet kids who are stunned at one or more aspects of healthy relationships. They seem mystified that it is a partnership. Or that each person is free to have a life outside of their relationship. More shockingly, is the fact that most aren’t surprised and have even experienced one or more aspects of a potentially harmful dating violence relationship; they even seem to be okay or resigned to these behaviors. Some of these behaviors include being accountable at all times to their boyfriends or girlfriends or becoming sexually active. I hear kids say, frequently, “I didn’t have a choice.” This resignation to their situation also leads them to say, “I’m not happy, but what can I do,” and “Isn’t this how it is supposed to be?”

Today’s teens and tweens are constantly in pursuit of the next best thing that they think will make them happy, albeit I am not sure if they know what their happiness is. But then again, do most adults? Though I do know that at that age most seem to choose their happiness based on what their peers want or have mandated as the thing to have. Sadly, it also seems that the happiness teens are seeking is and can only be in the form of a material object.

As an advocate, I seek to have them learn about their own rights, choices, and individuality. As an adult, I now see clearly, what pressures teens and I were under and how differently I would do things if I knew then what I know now. Therein lays the eternal struggle; the inexperience of youth and the wisdom of age. I want every child to learn about healthy relationships. More importantly, I want each and every child to learn healthy independence and individuality. I believe that one cannot be a successful and happy partner unless they are first a successful and happy individual. A teen’s self worth is not defined by the material goods they have, the popularity they seek, or the romantic relationship they are a part of. It comes from learning about one’s self, experiences, beliefs, and values. It comes from what has made us sad, happy, angry, jealous, and joyous. Ultimately, happiness comes from having the ability to choose. A few of those choices could be choosing your job, religion, education, hobbies, hair color, friends, and activities. We need to teach them about the responsibility that comes with choice, the consequences and positive outcomes. It will transition nicely into making healthy choices in all avenues of their lives.

Anyone that is a parent or advocate for children can help foster healthy relationships by first fostering healthy individuals. We can remind our teens and tweens that happiness is something you have to actively seek. That it is more than the newest gadget, fashion, or phone. Happiness is also taking the time to value what you have already. We need to show teens and tweens that they have choices, opinions, and goals that have merit and value. We need to show them that while on the path to seeking their happiness they must also remember that some of the joy in attaining happiness is also in the journey.

I Didn't Have a Choice

By Susie Kroll 

“Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.”

                          Guillaume Apollinaire (1880-1918)

As a professional speaker and advocate for Teen Dating Violence, I spend a lot of time in junior high and high schools.  Teen Dating Violence is a weighty subject especially for teens and parents.  It can be made even more volatile when parents aren’t the model of a healthy relationship that their children need to see.  When I go out to speak to teens and tweens I invariably meet kids who are stunned at one or more aspects of healthy relationships.  They seem mystified that it is a partnership.  Or that each person is free to have a life outside of their relationship.  More shockingly, is the fact that most aren’t surprised and have even experienced one or more aspects of a potentially harmful dating violence relationship; they even seem to be okay or resigned to these behaviors.  Some of these behaviors include being accountable at all times to their boyfriends or girlfriends or becoming sexually active.  I hear kids say, frequently, “I didn’t have a choice.”  This resignation to their situation also leads them to say, “I’m not happy, but what can I do,” and “Isn’t this how it is supposed to be?”

Today’s teens and tweens are constantly in pursuit of the next best thing that they think will make them happy, albeit I am not sure if they know what their happiness is.  But then again, do most adults?  Though I do know that at that age most seem to choose their happiness based on what their peers want or have mandated as the thing to have.  Sadly, it also seems that the happiness teens are seeking is and can only be in the form of a material object. 

As an advocate, I seek to have them learn about their own rights, choices, and individuality.  As an adult, I now see clearly, what pressures teens and I were under and how differently I would do things if I knew then what I know now.  Therein lays the eternal struggle; the inexperience of youth and the wisdom of age.  I want every child to learn about healthy relationships.  More importantly, I want each and every child to learn healthy independence and individuality.  I believe that one cannot be a successful and happy partner unless they are first a successful and happy individual.  A teen’s self worth is not defined by the material goods they have, the popularity they seek, or the romantic relationship they are a part of.  It comes from learning about one’s self, experiences, beliefs, and values.  It comes from what has made us sad, happy, angry, jealous, and joyous.  Ultimately, happiness comes from having the ability to choose.  A few of those choices could be choosing your job, religion, education, hobbies, hair color, friends, and activities.  We need to teach them about the responsibility that comes with choice, the consequences and positive outcomes.  It will transition nicely into making healthy choices in all avenues of their lives.

Anyone that is a parent or advocate for children can help foster healthy relationships by first fostering healthy individuals.  We can remind our teens and tweens that happiness is something you have to actively seek.  That it is more than the newest gadget, fashion, or phone.  Happiness is also taking the time to value what you have already.  We need to show teens and tweens that they have choices, opinions, and goals that have merit and value.  We need to show them that while on the path to seeking their happiness they must also remember that some of the joy in attaining happiness is also in the journey.        

Vital Belief #4—Take Care of You First

By Pamela Chapman

If you read my previous blog entry, Vital Belief #3, you’ll recall that I spoke of breathing correctly. I spoke of the flight attendant telling you to put the oxygen mask over your own nose and mouth in case of emergency and why doing so is critical. Today’s blog is just an expansion of that and is written especially for you ladies. Gentlemen, you can follow the same advice, but we girls tend to take care of everyone else before we think of ourselves. We don’t usually take time for ourselves until our bodies are screaming “STOP!” or literally stopping us with illness.


While many of our Time’s Up! activists are pursing incredibly urgent causes—abuse, missing persons, murder, and cyber crimes, to name a few—I am committed to inspiring, motivating, strengthening, and bringing inner healing to you while you fight. I commit to building your stamina while you carry on for the cause. This is why my writings never speak to the pain, but bring you glimpses of peace, light, and love. 


In your urgent and critical endeavors, it is so easy to forget about you and the importance of taking care of yourself. You might even consider it selfish to think about yourself when there are so many atrocities occurring 24/7 around the world. But, let me put it this way: without you, those atrocities wouldn’t be confronted or addressed. Your movement would possibly die or be delayed. So, here’s some simple and practical advice that won’t take a lot of your time or energy.

When your mind is unfocused, you can’t remember where you’re putting things, you don’t know what you did last or what you should do next, and your body aches all over, STOP! Take a break—take time off. Take time to smell the roses, look at the blue sky by day, and count the stars by night. Check out that ball in the sky that gives you light for the darkest night, takes on different shapes, and even smiles at you at times. Take off your shoes and socks and feel the grass between your toes, take a deep breath and smell its freshness, put your ear to its roots and listen to it crackle as it grows—it’s life. Is there an ocean nearby so that you can listen to its roar and hear what it wants to say to you? Is there a calm river that wants to take you gently and peacefully, without your working, downstream?


Pretty Woman, one of my all time favorite movies (that and the Ten Commandments—go figure) shows us how a working woman, a woman of the oldest profession, teaches an ambitious, overachieving entrepreneur how to embrace life and love and take care of himself. It’s not enough to pursue your goals, passions, or causes if you, in turn, miss out on life and neglect yourself. This may rub you the wrong way, but let me remind you of this: the basis of life isfreedom; the result of life is expansion; and the purpose of life is life more abundant. 


That statement may really tick you off, especially if you have just experienced tragedy. But I reiterate: the purpose of that tragedy is to expand you and bring you to your purpose in life. All Creation knew you could move through the experience, make the choice to step up to the experience, and then do something about it. You weren’t going to just take it. The experience may have crippled you for a moment, but you chose to get up and out of your pain, disappointment, and anger. You made a choice to carry on. During the process you may have cried, broken down, and even come close to death yourself, but in the end, you endured and found or are finding joy and peace in making great change. Your purpose will outweigh your pain if you say yes to the call.


With that being said, you must take care of you. Go back to the first three vital beliefs I gave you at the beginning of the year: ground yourself every day, if not several times a day; only put out what you want to get back (love, joy, and peace); and  breathe deeply. If your body or mind begins to ache, it’s sending you a signal: you’re out of alignment (ouch). If you start to sneeze and cough, you’re doing too much (ouch again), and if you find yourself with a more serious dis/ease (heart ailment, diabetes, or, God forbid, cancer) this is your body crying out for you to love YOU. Let go, rest, wait, refocus, reenergize, and balance. Do some soul searching. Your body, soul, and spirit are sending you a strong message. You can do all of the things you want to do: pursue careers, raise children, seek justice, introduce bills and amendments, expose untruths, and reveal truths. But do it in wholeness, not brokenness. 


You make no great witness if you are unbalanced, broken, or bereaved. It is my belief that the only way you’re going to change the world is to be that example of wholeness: to be the healed (mentally, physically emotionally), to be the light, and to be the love. When we can be that, others will want to be like us. You can only become that by taking care of you first.


In love, light, and healing,
Pamela Chapman
Certified Self-Esteem, Life-Transition Expert
Certified Domestic Violence Specialist