I Wished!

 By Pamela Chapman

As I followed a link that would take me to Susan Murphy Milano’s website, I was lead to another devastating story of our justice system failing three children. I took a deep breath. My heart sank. There seems to be no shortage of stories of mayhem, chaos, devastation, or destruction. Whether we’re looking at domestic destruction or natural destruction the stories are endless.

This morning on my usual walk with self and God I took in the panoramic views of the mountains, the hills, the trees and the skies. Everything around me appeared serene and calm. “Is this real?” I thought. Or, is this my personal phantom or illusion? How can all that I am now seeing appear to be so right, so peaceful and so perfectly aligned with God while there is, yet, another world filled with despair, pain, and devastation? A world where children’s lives are cut short, women are devalued, misogynist beliefs and views are alive and well and, what is wrong is accepted for right.  How can the systems of this world be so broken and twisted?

I began to wish and pray for a better world.  I wished that every child on this earth be able to lay their head down at night without danger, without worry, and without fear. I wished they would experience unconditional love and complete acceptance from their parents or guardians. I wished that every woman would feel and believe she is the apple of God’s eye, His center, and His pursuit. I wished that she would know, without a doubt, without a double-take that she was loved, cherished, and revered. I wished her self-esteem was healthy and her self-confidence strong while believing and knowing she was amazingly created and her God said, “It is good.” I wished she would experience the perfect square of life: health, wealth, love and perfect self-expression. I wished that if and when something went wrong and judgment had to be sought that judgment would be fair, unbiased, and sovereign—not based upon gender, politics, or dollar. I wished the lion and the sheep would be able to lay down with one another and there would be no need for the lion to show how strong or powerful he was. I wished this world would be a harmonious force, each [wo]man finding their way, their purpose and path painlessly.

It can be really easy to dismiss my wishes as hopeful or positive thinking but I won’t give up believing, hoping, praying and wishing. I won’t give up believing, hoping, praying and wishing that the work of my fellow humanitarians, the known and the unknown, will not be in vain and one day, “every tear will be wiped away, every tear from our eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4.

I wished, my sister and my brother that you be endowed with the strength, tenacity, and unconditional love necessary to bring about this great change.

I wished!

Vital Belief #4—Take Care of You First

By Pamela Chapman

If you read my previous blog entry, Vital Belief #3, you’ll recall that I spoke of breathing correctly. I spoke of the flight attendant telling you to put the oxygen mask over your own nose and mouth in case of emergency and why doing so is critical. Today’s blog is just an expansion of that and is written especially for you ladies. Gentlemen, you can follow the same advice, but we girls tend to take care of everyone else before we think of ourselves. We don’t usually take time for ourselves until our bodies are screaming “STOP!” or literally stopping us with illness.


While many of our Time’s Up! activists are pursing incredibly urgent causes—abuse, missing persons, murder, and cyber crimes, to name a few—I am committed to inspiring, motivating, strengthening, and bringing inner healing to you while you fight. I commit to building your stamina while you carry on for the cause. This is why my writings never speak to the pain, but bring you glimpses of peace, light, and love. 


In your urgent and critical endeavors, it is so easy to forget about you and the importance of taking care of yourself. You might even consider it selfish to think about yourself when there are so many atrocities occurring 24/7 around the world. But, let me put it this way: without you, those atrocities wouldn’t be confronted or addressed. Your movement would possibly die or be delayed. So, here’s some simple and practical advice that won’t take a lot of your time or energy.

When your mind is unfocused, you can’t remember where you’re putting things, you don’t know what you did last or what you should do next, and your body aches all over, STOP! Take a break—take time off. Take time to smell the roses, look at the blue sky by day, and count the stars by night. Check out that ball in the sky that gives you light for the darkest night, takes on different shapes, and even smiles at you at times. Take off your shoes and socks and feel the grass between your toes, take a deep breath and smell its freshness, put your ear to its roots and listen to it crackle as it grows—it’s life. Is there an ocean nearby so that you can listen to its roar and hear what it wants to say to you? Is there a calm river that wants to take you gently and peacefully, without your working, downstream?


Pretty Woman, one of my all time favorite movies (that and the Ten Commandments—go figure) shows us how a working woman, a woman of the oldest profession, teaches an ambitious, overachieving entrepreneur how to embrace life and love and take care of himself. It’s not enough to pursue your goals, passions, or causes if you, in turn, miss out on life and neglect yourself. This may rub you the wrong way, but let me remind you of this: the basis of life isfreedom; the result of life is expansion; and the purpose of life is life more abundant. 


That statement may really tick you off, especially if you have just experienced tragedy. But I reiterate: the purpose of that tragedy is to expand you and bring you to your purpose in life. All Creation knew you could move through the experience, make the choice to step up to the experience, and then do something about it. You weren’t going to just take it. The experience may have crippled you for a moment, but you chose to get up and out of your pain, disappointment, and anger. You made a choice to carry on. During the process you may have cried, broken down, and even come close to death yourself, but in the end, you endured and found or are finding joy and peace in making great change. Your purpose will outweigh your pain if you say yes to the call.


With that being said, you must take care of you. Go back to the first three vital beliefs I gave you at the beginning of the year: ground yourself every day, if not several times a day; only put out what you want to get back (love, joy, and peace); and  breathe deeply. If your body or mind begins to ache, it’s sending you a signal: you’re out of alignment (ouch). If you start to sneeze and cough, you’re doing too much (ouch again), and if you find yourself with a more serious dis/ease (heart ailment, diabetes, or, God forbid, cancer) this is your body crying out for you to love YOU. Let go, rest, wait, refocus, reenergize, and balance. Do some soul searching. Your body, soul, and spirit are sending you a strong message. You can do all of the things you want to do: pursue careers, raise children, seek justice, introduce bills and amendments, expose untruths, and reveal truths. But do it in wholeness, not brokenness. 


You make no great witness if you are unbalanced, broken, or bereaved. It is my belief that the only way you’re going to change the world is to be that example of wholeness: to be the healed (mentally, physically emotionally), to be the light, and to be the love. When we can be that, others will want to be like us. You can only become that by taking care of you first.


In love, light, and healing,
Pamela Chapman
Certified Self-Esteem, Life-Transition Expert
Certified Domestic Violence Specialist

Vital Belief #3 for Achieving Success in 2010—Breathe

By Pamela Chapman

Here it is, April 26, 2010 already. I started out writing to you in January about five vital beliefs for achieving success this year. These last four months, I have had to hold on tight to those beliefs and also rely on the expert advice of friends, family, and associates because I’ve been in a state and a season of transition. So the advice I’m about to give you, I’ve been living. And it works.


Last year, I was introduced to a wonderful woman by the name of Ana-Christina Wadle. She is a quantum coach who has written a book called The Simple Tools of Hope. One of the tools Ana-Christina talks about is taking the time to breathe. I remember when I first read it I thought, “Breathe?” I smiled, taking her advice lightly. I forgot that one simple word of advice until I found myself totally stressed out and talking to a business coach who told me to do the same thing. “Pamela, you are working way too hard, doing way too much; you need to stop and breathe. And the bill is…”


The contributors to the Time’s Up! blog and subscribers to the Time’s Up! Searching Out Solutions for Victims are busy people: many are advocates, and many are activists. We take care of our families, clients, and customers, and we fight for our cause. “Transition and change” is our motto; healing is our calling. We take care of people during the emergencies of life. Oftentimes, we are so caught up with helping others and changing our world that we forget to take care of ourselves.


I’m sure almost every one of you has flown on a plane. You know that before that plane takes off, a friendly attendant tells you what you must do in case of an emergency. If there is a sudden loss of altitude, the oxygen masks will be released from the overhead bins. You are supposed to place the mask over your nose and mouth and pull on the yellow tabs to release the flow of oxygen. If you are traveling with a child, you should place the mask over your nose and mouth first. If you are a parent, this seems to go against every paternal instinct you have. 


Oxygen, or breathing, ensures that the brain keeps thinking, the heart keeps beating, the cells release energy, and the vital parts of our body function correctly. It is amazing how we breathe 24/7 without any thought about the process. It is also amazing how we breathe so badly during our conscious moments—so fast and furious that it is almost hyperventilating at times. Notice your breathing now. What is it like? Is it quick and shallow or is it deep and deliberate? Your breathing correlates with how you are feeling and how you are functioning. 


Stop right now with me. Yes, that’s correct, stop right now, and practice breathing. Take a slow deep breath, feeling your lungs expand to their fullness, then exhale, feeling the warm air flowing from your nostrils exiting into the atmosphere. Feel your chest sinking inward. You might go one step further and take a deeper breath, pushing out your stomach, expanding your lungs until they feel like they might explode, holding your breath to the count of three, slowing exhaling, releasing, and sinking in your stomach, and pressing all the air out of your lungs. 


If you are doing this while you’re reading, you will notice a sudden shift if you are doing it correctly. The room surrounding you will appear slightly different; you will have seemed to settle and be more relaxed and at peace. You might even feel a little lightheaded. If that happens, an actual physiological change has occurred. You will now be more focused, and your priorities will be clear. You will also feel energized, restored, and a little more balanced—able to make a greater difference in our universe or pursue your cause with more direction and vigor.


You may not feel like a happy-go-lucky, everything-is-beautiful person right now. You are under stress. Some of you choose your stress, but many of you are thrown into (dis)stress. If you remember to take just a few seconds to breathe correctly, once or twice during your hectic day, you will be more balanced, you will feel healthier, and you will certainly accomplish more. 

I believe if you want to be successful in 2010, making the choice to take the time to breathe correctly is vital. May the peace of God that passes all understanding guard both your heart and mind.


In love, light, and healing,
Pamela Chapman