Exclusive War Coverage: The Murders of Stacy Peterson and Kathleen Savio

By Susan Murphy Milano



In March 1, 2004, there was no media coverage in the silencing of Kathleen Savio whose death was ruled "accidential."


Just blocks away from where Kathleen's body was discovered 2 1/2 years earlier, in October of 2007, another war erupted and Stacy Peterson was taken capitive again by the same predator, and serial abuser, former police Sergeant Drew Peterson.

The front page headlines would name both women in the search for the young wife and mother. Within 3 days the Will County State's Attorney's office would begin the legal process and exhume the body of Kathleen. The cases were now joined at the hip, you could not mention one woman without discussing the other. In Chicago it filled the front page headline's for months. But so did Drew Peterson's sudden thrust into the national spotlight. Within a week, Drew Peterson's was a household name and the two victims in the war of intimate partner homicide were refered and labled as wife #3 and wife #4.

Strangers, friends and family members worked tirelessly to keep the flame burning on each case, in particular because Stacy had vanished more emphasis was placed on finding her and brining her home. A site no longer available "findstacypeterson.com"with membership in the thousands, created by the family and friends of Stacy was the only place where the young wife and mother would be featured and information with updates would run 24/7. Other's sites such as Juror13 and Websleuths also carried round-the-clock coverage. The national media however would discard this young woman's life, including her conversations with Pastor Neil Schori, as though she were invisible. During this time Drew Peterson was reaching millions via Larry King Live, MSNBC, NBC Today, Good Morning America, Greta, Nancy Grace, Jane Valdez-Mitchell, CNN, Anderson Cooper, Bill O'Reilly, Geraldo, John Gibson, CBS Morning Show, Scared Monkey's Radio, NPR News, People Magazine, The National Enquirer among others. Peterson was prancing, smiling while and acting as though he had jumping beans under his chair in the studio's where he was interviewed while surrounded by the bright lights.

Within months the "catch me if you can" theme song would become Peterson's anthem. With words and lyrics compsed by the man of the hour himself. Verses in his song included "Stacy ran away, it's a bright new day, catch me if you can that's all I'm gonna say." The national media played Peterson's words like a hit record for 18 long months until he was finally arrested for the murder of Kathleen Savio.

Now, nearly 3 years after Stacy Peterson vanishes the Chicago Sun-Times decides to play his song again, only this time from behind bars while he awaits trial. Without any regard for the victims of war or their surviving family members. A jounalist by the name of Michael Sneed and the editors of the Chicago Sun-Times punish these two dead women, saying their voices and lives had no significance, printing his words in a letter authored by in my opinion, from the man whom murdered both Kathleen Savio and Stacy Peterson.

I realize the photo's from the crime scene when Kathleen Savio's body was found will likely never be released and kept under seal from the public. For three reasons:

1st-If you saw these particular photo's you would know by viewing them that she was beaten. Brusises covered her back, torso, arms, shoulders, stomach and legs. From the naked eye there was no doubt this was not an accident, Kathleen Savio was murdered.

2nd- The way her body was positioned in the tub is something commonly taught at the police academy, dipicting a staged crime scene.

3rd-Those investigators who looked away by not documenting her murder, thinking they were doing their fellow buddy in blue a favor, caused the killing of yet another innocent victim of war Stacy Peterson.

I for one would like the names of these so called investigators along with former State's Attorney Tomczak to be gathered together for a formal Senate investigation hearing for the "war on intimate partner homicide." I realize it will do nothing to give Stacy Peterson and Kathleen Savio back their lives. But it will do so much to prevent future casualities in this war. Peterson is a social and psychotic nightmare of the worst kind, and we can learn a great deal in talking, reviewing and analyzing what has and hasn't happened since the murders.

"If you are outraged by the Chicago Sun Time and their disregard for the families of Kathleen Savio and Stacy Peterson by making headlines of Drew Peterson's jailhouse letters, do your part and let them know by calling, emailing or faxing. Nothing will change unless action is taken. The columnist, Micheal Sneed and her editor, should know that by making decisions based on headlines and readership instead of integrity and ethics is one of the reasons the public fuels people like Drew Peterson."

Fax number to the Chicago Sun Times is 312-321-3084

Michael Sneeds direct email address is : msneed@suntimes.com

Andrew Hermann, Managing Editor 312-321-3000

Zach Finken, News Editor 312-321-3000

Murder in Progress: Elizabeth New Jersey

[In the town of Elizabeth New Jersey, a murder is being planned, in progress, by a commissioned police officer as I write this post.]

The officer and his wife have been married for more than a dozen years. The couple has 2 children. Yesterday, she had her husband served with divorce papers after years of having a gun pulled and cocked to her head, numerous rapes, and terroristic tactics to keep her a victim and not call police for help. “I’ve had enough” she said. “My husband is not going to get away with it.”

This officer has not acted alone, receiving assistance from his fellow tin shield cowards in uniform as they assist this bozo with a badge. To add fuel to this already deadly flame, the officer’s brother is a high ranking Lieutenant, his supervisor in the same department.

Similar to Kathleen Savio , wife of former Bolingbrook Police Sgt. Drew Peterson,( who is awaiting trial for her murder) found dead on March 1, 2004, in a dry bathtub, Savio was also silenced with the assistance of fellow officers with the same pattern of conduct taking place in Elizabeth, New Jersey.

During the months leading up to the discovery of Kathleen's corpse, officers routinely sat in their squad cars in front of her house, drinking coffee -- the ultimate 'screw you' for thousands of police officers' wives whose cries for help fall on deaf ears. In March 2002, Drew Peterson and Kathleen Savio filed for divorce. On March 11, 2002, Kathleen secured a temporary emergency order of protection. In an unusual move before the divorce was finalized, Kathleen also signed a power of attorney so Drew could buy a home just down the street with his then-underage new love interest. Victims of violence always wish their aggressive, abusive partners would move on to someone else. Kathleen’s strategy was brilliant. She got out of her own way; however humiliating at the time, she disarmed Peterson by waiving her rights to the property as a marital asset. Kathleen knew firsthand the danger she faced from Drew, a police officer and abusive husband, if she refused to sign the document. She signed it only out of pure fear.

When all her attempts failed to get help from the police -- those whose job it is to serve and protect -- Kathleen Savio wrote letters to then-Will County Assistant State’s Attorney Elizabeth Fragale documenting Peterson’s alleged abuse. They included claims that in July 2002, Peterson held a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her. But Savio was only further victimized when the state attorney’s office dropped the ball. Prosecutors should have filed separate felony stalking charges for threatening phone calls from Peterson and for each time he stalked her. They didn't -- not even when the court issued the emergency order of protection against him.

Sending the letters was a courageous move not only by a victim but by a police officer's wife. These letters, written and signed by Kathleen, would not see the light of day until a parade of media swarmed down on the home at Pheasant Chase Drive until after news broke that Stacy Peterson, his fourth wife, had vanished

The Elizabeth, New Jersey's officers wife has also written letters to Attorney General Eric Holder; Newark Attorney General’s office; Office of the Director of the Elizabeth Police James Cosgrove; Chief of Police Ronald Simon; Union County prosecutor’s office; Sen. Frank Lautenberg; New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie; and the Mayor of Elizabeth. The letters were sent on September 22, 2010, detailing the times, dates and details of the horrific violence. The only person whom responded so far is the Mayor who contacted the officer’s wife earlier this week.

Here is a brief overview of it, in her own words, what she has experienced: a Police Officer from the Elizabeth Police Dept., in Elizabeth, NJ. I had my husband arrested 8/12/2010, and was granted a Temporary Restraining Order of Protection. Which was later dropped because the night before going to court; I was threatened by a private caller to drop all charges. I was intimated and scared and never showed up. The Temporary Restraining Order was dropped.

On 8/19/2010 incident of dropping TRO, this gave my husband the opportunity to harass me with phone calls, and threatening texts. I t would start out just being friendly to escalating to vivacious threats of harming me. I tried to ignore them, causing me emotional distress and fear. I fear him, because after many years of mental and physical abuse from him, I know this anger and rage....I know he is going to come after me or what’s most important in my life "My Daughters". This man suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder, which I would have the dept. have him evaluated psychologically.

On September 20- 22, 2010, my husband decided it was a day to harass me with over 50 calls to my home and texting. I sent a email to his Internal Affairs office stating to please advice the officer to leave me alone... this was ignored by the Captain. Nothing was done, because he continued until September 28, 2010. I had to go to Ocean County Court and get another TRO. Which was granted, and he obeyed the TRO... I have a concern with his internal affairs dept. they are conducting a investigation, in which to me seems fictional. I understand that the code of blue is a brotherhood to protect each other. Well in these cases there should be protection for the victim not the Police Officer. We are not trained in the law or how to inflect bodily harm, nor do we carry guns and badges. We have no power or authority to manipulate the justice system.

I could continue but you get the idea. The Elizabeth New Jersey’s officer wife currently has a civil restrain order, which means nothing for her safety and life.

As she say’s “ It’s just a piece of paper, telling him to obey. But it gives me no protection from Police Dept. should he violate the civil order.” I And every physical abuse after my beating, he would throw the phone at me, and “ Go ahead bitch call the police” and laugh.

“I don’t want to be the next victim I want to be safe and alive for my daughters.”

I currently am in the possession of information and documents that I will not hesitate releasing, including names and badge numbers should another incident or threat to harm this officers wife from Elizabeth, New Jersey, take place from this point going forward.

I should mention before I receive correspondence from those angry officers who attempt to post anonomously or send me emails laced with threats, that I was the daughter of a decorated Chicago violent crimes detective. I am an expert in the area of officer related intimate violence and homicide. My career began in 1989 when my mother was murdered by my father.

Gentlemen, I have no problem coming to Elizabeth, New Jersey as I did recently in Garvin County, OKlahoma, with an army of media and others if the powers in place, fail to immediately stop this murder in progress.

(Susan Murphy Milano, is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Psychopathy Education for more information visit http://www.saferelationships.com/ and is the author of the new book "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and where ever books are sold. And she is the host of Time's Up on http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and she is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated show with Dr. Laurie Roth on http://www.therothshow.com/)

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Police Officer Involved Domestic Violence

By Susan Murphy Milano

“Phil had a lot to drink,” he began, his red eyes showing the depths of his emotions. “This is difficult for me to discuss the details with you but your mother was found in the kitchen on the floor—she had been shot with a .44 Magnum. The bullet exited out her right eye and onto the kitchen table.” Tom took a deep breath. “After he shot her, your father took a towel and covered her face. He was found in the bedroom and had shot himself. Susan, when was the last time you spoke with him?” For reasons foreign to me, I felt enraged at the question.


“He murdered my mother! Your “superhero” partner murdered her and you want to know when I spoke to him last? You are just as cold and heartless as he was!” I stood up knowing I wanted no part of the conversation. “Susan, wait, calm down!" Tom also stood. “I know you’re upset but there’s no reason to speak to me that way!”


I spun around to face him, a man I’d known since childhood. My face, clearly showing the contempt I was feeling at that very moment, made my father's partner, Tom Flaherty stop in his tracks.

“Bullshit!” I shouted. “All you care about is your buddy and how you can cover up his mess one more time!”

Knowing he had no defense against the spew of accusations, Chicago Detective Tom Flaherty hung his head in shame and left the residence. I stood motionless, staring at the door, wondering if I should scream or cry—or both. I was in shock. My ultimate fears realized, I felt a sense of relief when the police Chaplin returned to speak with me.

“They are preparing to transport the bodies to the morgue,” he said in almost a whisper. “Someone from the police department will call you in the morning to assist you with the funeral arrangements. Susan, is there anything I can do for you?”


In 1989, officer involved homicide was covered up; considered a black mark against a police department. More then 20 years later, after the murder-suicide of my parents, Roberta and Phillip Murphy, nothing has changed. Police Departments release few details, if any, when a wife of a police officer calls 911 emergency assistance because her husband or significant other is abusing and threatening her very existance.


Once the media learn the person responsible for the crime was in law enforcement, the truth of how many calls a victim made for help, what supervior in the police unit she contacted, or how often officers responded to a call that ultimately lead up to the tragedy, is turned inside out by police departments like a badly stained pair of dirty underwear.

Instead of reporting the facts in these cases, we read stories of victim finger pointing or glorified obituaries on how a "veteran decorated officer" served their community with honor and courage.
Kathleen Savio Calls Out For Help

Kathleen Savio's case is but one of thousand's across the country where responding officers failed, protecting the abusive cop instead of the crime victim. If there was ever a case that screamed murder behind the badge, it is Kathleen Savio and, in my opinion, wife number 4, Stacy Peterson.


In 2007, Good Morning America did a story on cops protecting their own as it relates to the Drew Peterson case. The question was posted on private police officer message board sites across the country. Here's what Officers in other states said on these "Officer Only" discussions as it relates to this case:

Question was--WORLD MEDIA ASKING: DID FELLOW COPS 'PROTECT' DREW PETERSON?:

Officer Comment: I think 18 calls in two years, someone should have seen a pattern. As a patrol deputy I would have. No such thing as professional courtesy when it comes to assaulting a women.

Officer Comment: SOMEBODY HELPED SOMEBODY HERE AND IT MAY HAVE FACILITATED A MURDER. LOTS OF SOUL SEARCHING HERE AND RE-THINKING POLICY INVOLING COPS AND DV.

One of the only sites that cover crimes officers commit in their homes, behind closed doors, is Behind the Blue Wall. The site brings awareness and asks important questions lifting the veil of silence to the growing criminal activity of police officer domestic violence.

Late last year I was invited to speak at a forum on violence and prevention for victims and their families. I asked that the details of my persoinal background be omitted from the hand-out materials. There was a cocktail reception the night before and I had the opportunity to talk and meet with many of the judges and law enforcement planning on attending my presentation in the morning. I was welcomed with open arms when I mentioned that I was "a police officer's daughter out of Chicago and my remarks would be directed at general officer response, documentation and prearing a case for prosecution." For a moment I was accepted into their world.

The following morning the warm fuzzy feeling would change. Before speaking, a button was pressed and a brief video was played. For that next hour, I had everyone's attention as they sat in their seats. Most were unable to make eye contact with me. Why? For sixty minutes, although it was not enough time, I was able to include in the presentation police officer intimate violence.

The Wives and girlfriends in a relationship with a sworn law enforcement officer have no place to turn for help. And when the media falls prey to the tactics of a slick police department because they are too lazy to do the leg work to establish the truth, they enable the interruption of justice.

The (In)Justice System

By Neil Schori

Just a few weeks ago, an appellate court in Illinois made a dangerous ruling. They decided that most of the "so-called" hearsay evidence against former police sergeant Drew Peterson would not be admissible in his upcoming murder trial. Some people felt as though this was a victory for Joe and Jane Citizen. I would agree if this were normal hearsay. But this is not normal hearsay.

The judge in this case ruled that it was likely that Drew Peterson caused his wife, Stacy, to disappear so that she would be unable to testify against him for the murder of his third wife, Kathleen Savio. This is certainly not normal hearsay, which should not and would not ever make it into a courtroom. But there is a problem here. Rulings like these will do nothing but hurt women in cases of domestic violence. Why? Because their abusers will become emboldened. They will actually be motivated to do more harm to those few who know of their horrible violent tendencies. Why? Because if they kill the ones that know the truth, then everything else can be labeled "hearsay," which we all know is not admissible in court.

So what is the solution? I think that we might take a three-tiered approach:

1. Educate women~ If you saw someone drowning, would you stop and help? Of course you would! If you were a lifeguard, you'd certainly jump in and skillfully rescue them. I want to see more and more lifeguards. What does that look like in the arena of domestic violence? It teaches abused women that they need to immediately seek out a trusted friend to complete an EAA (Evidentiary Affidavit of Abuse). The EAA is an absolutely groundbreaking and game-changer for abused women. It was created by my friend, Susan Murphy-Milano, a true hero to victims of abuse. Susan created this tool in response to the senseless arguments that we've witnessed in the Peterson case. It acts to establish a foundation of truth that is admissible in any court of law should the abuser perpetrate violence upon the victim. What does it accomplish? It eliminates silly arguments over so-called hearsay statements. It brings the truth to light and justice for abuse victims and families.

2. Enlist church leaders~ Leaders in the faith community have a lot of influence in the lives of the people they serve. I've had multiple women come to and share with me the deepest and darkest secrets of their hearts while they have been abused. I'm now educated and strategically equipped to serve abused women. I'm also actively teaching other church leaders and pastors how they, too, can join me in the battle against domestic violence. Rescuing a victim of abuse is beautiful. Shaping a culture through education is game-changing.

3. Keep stories alive~ The media is quick to jump onto sensational stories but unfortunately has a terrible lack of follow-through. Stacy Peterson and Kathleen Savio were in the news for a short time, but they still have not found justice. That is a huge problem, and WE are the solution. We live in a time where each person can have a voice. This is the era of social media and when used skillfully and strategically, we can keep these victims in the minds and hearts of our society, and may even be able to re-define what is important to the mainstream media. After all, FoxNews, CNN, and MSNBC will share what you tell them is important. Tell them that domestic violence and intimate partner homicide is important to you. More importantly, tell them the names of the women whose stories cry out for justice. Write letters, send emails and make phone calls to these news leaders, and tell them that these are the kinds of stories that matter to you. This will keep these stories alive.

This is all just a start and is most certainly not all-inclusive in approach. But if we continue to do what we've done, then we will always get what we've always gotten. Status quo is not good enough. Let's start changing a fatally flawed system!

Peace,

Neil Schori

Resolutions: How Are YOU Doing?

By Neil Schori

So we're about three weeks into this new year and new decade...and I'm wondering how you're doing with sticking to your resolutions.  The crowd at my gym is already thinning out, and I've seen many posts by friends of mine on Facebook and Twitter announcing to the cyber-world that they've already fallen off their diet-wagons.  Resolutions irritate the heck out of me!  Do you know why?  Because I've hardly ever seen anyone follow through to their goals.  They just don't work and I've been told over and over that if the way a person is doing something doesn't work, that the method must change before different results will be seen.

For some people, resolutions don't "really" matter.  And what I mean by that is that the consequences of not following-through for most resolutions are minimal.  But for abused women, our lack of follow-through has dire consequences.  Kathleen Savio may not have died if it weren't for a lack of follow-through.  Stacy Peterson may not have disappeared, either.  So we must change.  We must make a renewed commitment to these women whom are crying out for help.  Our places of worship must be islands of refuge for abused women instead of acting as the seal on a doomed fate.  Our police officers and our courts must be held accountable for abuse of power and to uphold the rights of tragically terrorized and forgotten women.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said: "He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who perpetrates it.  He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it."  Dr. King believed so much in over-turning deeply entrenched social injustice that he paid for it with his life.

So, today, I want to make my recommitment to abused women in this public forum.  This is greater than a resolution.  It is more than a whim.  It is connected straight to the very heart of God.  

If you are abused and afraid and have no place to turn, you can turn to Naperville Christian Church.  We will not betray you nor will we minimize your problems.  If you allow us the privilege, we will walk alongside you and help you see and find a better way.  We will become friends and family to you.  We will never tell you that you should just go back to your abuser or that if you were a better wife that he wouldn't have hit you.  We will listen to you and we will let you know that you have value and that you are valued.

I am fully dedicated to this cause, but I know that I am NOT enough.  If you are a pastor or leader in a faith community and you are interested in learning about how you can step up and make a difference in the lives of many women, please call me or email me.  It would be my honor to share my passion with you.  Will you join me in this struggle against domestic violence and perhaps even more importantly, for the hearts and lives of these women?

Peace,

Neil Schori
Lead Pastor, NCC
napervillechristian.org
630.983.5600
neil@napervillechristian.org

"Dead Wives Club"

By Susan Murphy-Milano

Earlier in the week the case of missing Utah mother Susan Powell, who has not been seen since December 7, 2009, made national headlines. The family was contacted by authorizes when remains were discovered in a Wyoming field that might be those of the missing Utah mother, the family as they have been since the day she vanished braced themselves hopes of finally being able to bring her home. But, it was not Susan Powell.In the world of intimate partner violence, the person responsible or those labeled as “person’s of interest” or “prime suspects” hope the person with whom they were in a relationship or married too, are never found. This speaks volumes as to the mindset of these killers. They look at the women, the mothers of their children as their property, similar to the assets acquired during the marriage.

The abuser is often enraged by the loss of power and control, not interested in what I term "sharing the dolls and dishes" accumulated during the marriage. So they formulate a plan and change the marriage certificate into a pending death certificate to be filled out and completed like a deadly bill of sale for discarded property. Before my mother was made a member of the "dead wives club" the rights to her own life, no different than those listed, were always owned and operated by my father.

After these pieces of cowardly human garbage wives and the mothers of their children is reported missing, the vanishing victims lives are weaved into brief by-lines in a community paper then the case stays alive because it is continued over to interactive forums and Internet sites like Websleuths, Scared Monkeys or Help Find The Missing. Human lives, that once move out from the 20 second headline blurb are kept warm with new developments posted until an arrest is made or it has been solved.

The wives and mothers, whose bodies have yet to be recovered, all vanished -- not under mysterious circumstances. The women simply wanted out of the abusive and often violent marriage. It's rare that most of these so-called missing persons cases includes any records of the abuse during the marriage. And in my opinion, once a report is made, each time enough information is gathered by authorities the crime reporting category under how it is checked off on the form box needs to be moved from "a missing persons" case to "intimate partner homicide investigation" case. For a victim of abuse, calling the police during a violent incident can and does set off the abuser and escalate the violence. If the victim has children, her motherly protection mode kicks in, and she backs down for the safety of the kids.

A victim of intimate partner violence makes an initial request, as they attempt to calmy reason with their potentially violent, controlling husbands to amicably end the marriage and move on is what happens to women such as:

Susan Powell -vanished December 7, 2009;
Stacy Peterson- Vanished October 28, 2007,

Kellisue Ackernecht- vanished September 30, 2008;

Sandra Travis-vanished July 31, 2005;

Tara Grinstead-Vanished October 22, 2005;
Rosa Lisowski-vanished September 5, 2008;
Bethanie Dougherty-vanished May 4, 2007;
Venus Stewart- vanished April 26, 2010;
Liza Murphy- vanished August 19, 2007;
Rachel Anderson- vanished April 16, 2010;
Lisa Stebic- vanished April 20, 2007 ;
Renee Pernice, vanished January 1, 2009;

Or those found dead, like Kathleen Savio in a dry bathtub; Monica Beresford-Redmond, beaten to death and left in a drainage sewer in Mexico; and Linda Yancey, whose police officer husband claimed she was a victim of a home invasion. They are only a handful of women who were forced into membership in the ever growing “Dead Wives Club.”

Train Wreck

By Susan Murphy Milano

“Someday maybe there will exist a well-informed, well considered and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child’s spirit

-Erik H. Erikson

Anyone who believes that children are not affected by violence in the home is very mistaken.

There is nothing, absolutely nothing more terrifying than hearing your parents scream at each other in anger.

And that terror is magnified tenfold when you see your father, whom you love, beating, knocking, bashing, and kicking the mother you adore.
As a child, you want to make it stop; after rushing to your mother’s aid and getting knocked across the room yourself a few times, you learn to run away from the mayhem rather than toward it. Your feelings become confused, swirling between the fear of being hurt yourself and even worse, dread that your mother will be killed if you don’t make him stop. In the mind of a child they feel responsible for the destruction. “If I cannot make it stop then it must be my fault.”

The first time you experience it, the horror is unimaginable. Your whole warm, safe, comfortable world is exploding in front of your eyes. How can this be? Why is this happening?

The Peterson Children
This made me think of Chris and Thomas Peterson, the boys of Kathleen Savio . Her body was discovered “dead” shortly after ending a violent marriage, in a bathtub in 2004. Their father former police Sgt. Drew Peterson was arrested for her murder and he is currently being held in an Illinois jail until the trial.

Their lives are literally a train wreck. Not once, but twice. After Kathleen's death their father was quick to marry a girl close enough in age to be the boy’s sister. There was no time to process and grieve for their mother and it is likely their father, a stern task master, whom set the tone for what would and won’t be tolerated with their new step-mom Stacy Peterson. Imagine your mother dies and as a child you are commanded by someone whom you likely fear to "suck it up" and move on. The only difference in this abusive household the boys have experienced a triple dose of what I term "roller coaster hell" in an environment deeply rooted in power, control and violence.

The boys are young enough to bond with step-mom Stacy and old enough to have experienced loss, uncertainty, fear and tragedy. Stacy takes on the task of immediate motherhood with Kathleen's boys. She goes that extra mile preparing their favorite meals, being there when they come home from school to tucking them in each night. Slowly the boys begin to trust Stacy and after about a year as a family things settle down a bit. Although Stacy gives birth to a boy and a girl during the marriage she is always conscious of the boys and their feelings working overtime to build a solid foundation for Kathleen's boys Chris and Thomas.
Suddenly, the bright light in the Peterson home is once again burned out when Stacy Peterson vanishes.

Do these children re-live and witness the same horrors as when their mother was alive as the household begins to crumble? The answer is yes.

The boys have now experienced two life devastating train wrecks within a 5 year time period. During the following months the tension is so thick in the Peterson houselhold you could cut it with a knife. Their home is invaded by the media. Police presence both in and outside the home is omnipresent. Everyone in the country soon knows the name Peterson and its' association with something evil, violent and tragic.

The third train wreck happens when Drew Peterson is arrested. The boys are devastated. Regardless of what we may think of Peterson these young men only know him as their loving father. And after his arrest the boys are sent to live with relatives.

I hope and pray in the years ahead Chris and Thomas Peterson have the opportunity to experience joy, love, hope and most of all peace.

The Magical Illusion of Christmas

By Susan Murphy Milano

(originally posted December, 2010)

Every year my mother made a big deal about Christmas from planning out what color to make the eyes on the gingerbread cookies, to the day she, my brother, and myself would go downtown to Marshall Fields department store for our annual Santa visit and photo. The bright lights and holiday decorations lining downtown store windows and street lamps always made me forget, if only for a moment, our lives were anything but bright and hopeful.

I have to give my mother credit, as difficult as our daily fight for survival was, she did the best she could to create happy memories for us. Sometimes, the holiday did not turn out as planned and we ended up on Christmas morning in the emergency room as she received medical attention from injuries caused by my father. My little brother and I viewed stuffing every pocket in our coat and pants with candy canes while at the hospital as a cool thing. Instead of opening presents, like we watched in movies, we went back to the house with a cup of hot chocolate and whip cream prepared with love.

Hope was always a magical illusion, it did not matter if it was Christmas or not. The days and months always felt as if they were all lumped in to a never ending road of unpredictable behavior by a man authorized with a gun and a badge to protect the streets of Chicago, while hiding behind the closed door of our home like a coward, only to terrorize and harm his own family. In our house you told time by the changing of seasons and what you needed to wear before heading out the door. During the holidays it was the one time of year that I didn't wish anything from the Sears catalog that would arrive sometime after Thanksgiving. If Santa was real, then just maybe he would find us a nice safe place like I remembered watching in the movie Miracle on 34th Street, where we could hang our stockings and live happily, with my brother and mom, far away from my father, forever.

Growing up, my brother and I never really counted on much and making plans for anything was wishful thinking. More than fifty years later, I have no closure, just an acceptance of the violent events that would eventually hijack my mothers life. The last memory of her is 10 feet away from the oven where we baked Christmas cookies, throughout the kitchen her blood spilled over onto the once bright yellow pattern on the floor tiles where my brother and I once sat anxiously waiting for the Christmas cookies to finish baking. In the bedroom a couple hundred feet away, dead from a self inflicted gun shot, my father, who had taken from me the only love I knew, my mother. Although not visible to the human eye, there is a tattoo etched deep inside of me, a permanent scar from a battle I would rather forget.

The effects of the violence would follow me into my own world as an adult, a secret I kept hidden from friends, colleagues and relationships. Suddenly, my secret was out, unwillingly I was a victim and a survivor of a life I did not ask for nor chose as my life's journey. In 1988, my parents divorced and the holidays were around the corner. My mother and I spent the Christmas holidays together, the first without my father and the last one without my mother. I rang in the new year with a feeling of hope that we could finally move forward with our lives.

Abruptly, in 1989, after their deaths, I left a successful business career for a world that provided little, if any, hope and assistance to abuse victims and their children.

I did not realize when I began working with victims of intimate partner abuse, my world would be an important life raft for safety in keeping others alive. Over a decade of running a national agency and providing direct services, I began to incorporate strategies like no other in the country, as the agencies were not familiar with the battleground I knew intimately. Service providers and agencies were layered by politics and paperwork with government forms and numbers instead of thinking outside the box, a box that never belonged there in the first place if lives were to be saved.

This rigid box of "rules and restrictions" are what often kicks the safety and services of a victim to the streets and back to the violence. Yes, a woman returns to the abuser numerous times before she leaves but its also because the family courts and services are either limited or dysfunctional. And all too often it is based on income she makes too much, too little or there is not enough funding available for what is required. Ironically, the funding issues in my world were never an obstacle in keeping victims alive. With little or no resources, each person I assisted did not die. Instead, they moved forward with their lives, most went back to school to obtain degrees others found paying jobs as the sole support of the household turning their lives around minus the threat of violence. I think it was because I took the time with them, something I noticed from the begining that was not happening when a victim reached out for help.

I learned from being in the trenches and providing hands on services combined with making time to explain to victims-- meant the difference between life and death. I would go beyond the sterile basic information and red tape of guidlelines set by funders and various government agencies, people who were and continue to do so today, more concerned with tabulating stats of human lives that amounted to nothing more then entering useless garbage into a data base that had nothing to do with safety or leaving and never returning to the abuse or the system for help. One cannot effectively assist a victim of intimate partner by sitting behind a desk when they have never left the comfort of their offices, when they have never been inside the real world of sheer terror and violence that victims endure daily. Often placing victims in something labeled a shelter, government funded that does not in many ways meet the needs of victims. As I have always said like our own DNA no two cases of abuse are alike.

The days of placing a bandage on intimate partner violence, as though it were a boo-boo, are over. When a system does what it has always done, the results will be the same. It did not work out for women like my mother, unable to speak today, because they were silenced in the prime of their lives, murdered in cold blood.

As we enter the year 2011, know that the death toll across the country for those who lose their lives because of intimate partner violence does not have to be a predictable outcome in some hardwired data base, ultimately marked by a cemetary headstone as in years past. A child no longer has to acompany their mother to the emergency room on Christmas morning filling their pockets with candy canes in a cold waiting room as the doctors stich their mothers head or set a broken limb and sent back out into uncertainty and fear that the next time they might not be so lucky.

In the new year I would like everyone who reads this to join me in ending the abuse. How, you ask? Each time a news story about a victim who was killed comes across your facebook page or you read about a case in the Huffington post, AOL News, Google, Newsvine, USA Today, the Examiner, The Washington Post, New York Times or see it on Nancy Grace, Fox News, Good Morning America, MSNBC, the Oprah Show, Dr. Phil, NPR Radio or any number of news programs send them a brief paragraph about the book Time's Up and that these cases no longer have to be tragic. That women such as Susan Powell, Stacy Peterson, Vensus Stewart, Angel Downs, Renee' Pernice, Kathleen Savio and others if killed their words will speak from the grave in a court a court of law. The person responsible will be arrested.

The upside is that this book saves lives. The mothers, sisters, girlfriends and children currently living in fear who live in harms way each and every day need this book the most. It is up to us to see that the information and knowledge is in their hands.

And to ensure every domestic violence agency, court building, library, church, community center, hospital, business and school has a copy of the book Time's Up: A Guide on How to leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships. And for a domestic violence provider, social worker, first responder, government agency, school, business or individual who says that cannot afford it? You can not afford not too!

Time's UP !!!

From the site www.victimadvocates.blogspot.com:

Susan’s writing is based on doing. It is based on the irrefutable credential of experience, both as a residual victim of interpersonal violence and a tireless advocate for others who suffer. This book is born from working in the trenches for twenty years and the necessity of crafting working solutions to help ensure individual safety from batters and stalkers.

TIMES UP is a comprehensive guide for women in danger. Every advocate owes it to those they work to assist to obtain this book.The contents provide specific steps towards safety and addresses issues that a person who is stressed and in fear may not think of. This guide can provide structure in the midst of chaos.

Among the tools and forms is the original idea of an “Abuse Affidavit”, a sworn statement detailing the facts of an individual’s victimization, preserving the specifics so they are not lost even if the victim is. It is difficult to think about speaking from the grave but no different than any life insurance policy obtained in consideration for those left behind.

An “Abuse Affidavit” has the additional psychological benefit of being forced face reality and admit that the potential for the ultimate kind of violence exists…and that if it occurs the perpetrator will be held accountable.

Purchase and read TIMES UP as an advocate to continue to learn and practice informed advocacy. Give TIMES UP to concerned friends or family members looking for solutions for a loved one who is in danger. Most of all, find a way to share this valuable guide with the domestic violence and stalking victims you know and work with. It has all the information and tools to empower a crime victim to save her own life.......Diane Fanning, Author

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold.

Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth http://www.therothshow.com/