Intimate Partner Violence Revisited in Chicago

  

By Donna Gore

It was August 1993, Susan Murphy–Milano had already lived at least five of her seeming nine lives by that time. She had experienced a childhood like no one should ever have to bear, serving as the “in resident protective services” for her beloved mother who had experienced years of abuse and violence from her detective husband.

“Sometimes Roberta called the police, but she usually didn't even get to see the responding officers. Phil Murphy would flash his badge, joke with the guys, close the door, and return to battering the object of his disaffection…. "He called her sometimes 20 times a day at the office where she worked," notes Milano. "He constantly accused her of infidelities. He claimed she was a lesbian; he claimed she was having affairs with other officers….He always told her, "If you leave, I'll find you; if I find you, I'll kill you."

Susan was reeling from a personal relationship that caused more pain and heartache. She was doing her best to raise a preschooler with the help of a dedicated babysitter. In 1993, she had been taking on the role of Advocate in Chicago’s Domestic Violence Court without question for three years. Even if she was denied, she had the Domestic Violence Act on her side: (Enacted in New Jersey first in 1991).

Back in the day, Susan’s initial most celebrated case played out in the hallowed halls located at 1340 South Michigan was that of Dawn Wilson whose ex-husband, Christopher stalked and beat her and was played out on national TV, newspapers and magazines. “Even before their marriage, he'd push her around. “After we got married, the real violence started," Dawn says. Violence that started right after the wedding and never really let up. Christopher was arrested nine times following the divorce, to no apparent effect. " He asked me once, `Why do you waste your time taking me to court?' He knew he would get away with it."

During the classic feature article, “Life Saver” for the Chicago Reader in which Susan was the topic, a typical offender, “Gilchrist” was described as such, “He is not so much physically abusive as verbally abusive and prone to "detaining" her--deciding that he doesn't want her to go to work and taking her keys, or removing the battery from her car, or changing the locks on the garage. But this has escalated to death threats against her and her coworkers; he's even put a knife to her throat. "Each little bout is a little bit worse." said Susan.

There is a stir at the bench; it seems there's a problem. There are three charges outstanding against Gilchrist--violating an order of protection, assault, and criminal damage to property, but only two of them are in his folder. They'll have to find the other one before they can proceed. "Pass," says Judge Gembala, and Gilchrist is taken out. Murphy Milano is fuming: that means the case has to be reviewed. They can't do anything until Gilchrist talks with the public defender and Jones talks with the state's attorney. This is the eighth time Gilchrist has violated an order of protection, and Judge Gembala had promised that the next time Gilchrist came before him he'd be put away, period.”

Susan did what she did in the backdrop of her own tragedy within the judicial confines of a system that was “all procedure and no heart.” In her words, she learned as she went along what worked and what didn't work: "Mostly, I went by my gut." Although she denied any obsession with the subject, she admitted, "I was relentless. I did what I felt was right, and I worked to show the media I wasn't just the flavor of the month.”

Former colleagues in the 90s spoke of Susan’s zealousness, her sincerity, her “Let’s take care of business NOW style, and her high productivity, and her personal need to stay uninvolved personally with her victims in order to be effective. You know you’ve created something meaningful when you need body guards. “The International Service Associates is a security agency, licensed and active in 16 states that until very recently served only as a contractor for the federal government. The sole exception to the rule: a few months ago ISA started providing bodyguards--free of charge--for Milano and the women she works with.”

Intimate Partner Violence had become a way of life in all sectors of society, much to the chagrin of Susan. Although she helped one person at a time, she was “the lone ranger” for so many years, as she skillfully navigated the system in her unique manner. Although her accomplishments were many, it was not until the inception of the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit that a prevention tool was able to cut across boundaries and have equal access to anyone affected by IPV.

But, as I thought of creating this piece, I wondered, what was her “stage” like then as opposed to today? What was the history of the building at 1340 South Michigan, Domestic Violence Court?

According to a Chicago preservation website:

It was previously known as the “Interior Furniture Company” built in 1922 in Classical Revival style. The area of Michigan Avenue south of Roosevelt Road was originally residential and then gradually became a mercantile area, used by furniture companies, wholesale clothing companies, horse carriage companies, and later automobile companies. The mercantile history of the area, with loft structures that doubled as showrooms, created a high quality design of building facades that tell a story Chicago business and architecture meeting to create a unique building type. In later years, the building served as the site of the Domestic Violence Courthouse.

In 2005, there was a lot of controversy about whether this building, among others in a “not so nice area of town” was worth saving. Well, what a difference a couple of years and history makes…. For now we have – “Aviation Lofts” Luxury Living! See video too! How nice it would have been to “shelter victims of intimate partner violence” here!

What was the “flow of traffic” like when Susan was perusing the courtrooms? ''It was pretty much a mob scene going into the elevators. Often you would have victims and abusers going up the same elevators,'' said JoAnn F. Villasenor, the supervising attorney of LAF's Family Law Project,

There was a similar problem at 28 N. Clark St., where victims and offenders share a single waiting room. The new building streamlines services for the victims, but it may also improve things for practitioners and the judiciary.

Prior to the opening of the new “state of the art” building in 2005, …Only one judge heard civil orders of protection, When the new court opens, there will be two judges hearing those cases. There were more than 5,300 so-called ''independent'' civil orders of protection filed in 2004.

Civil orders of protection were being heard at 28 N. Clark St. Criminal orders of protection are heard at 1340 S. Michigan Ave, said Laura Bertucci, supervisor of the Domestic Violence Division for the Cook County State's Attorney's office . As is done at Central Bond Court at the Criminal Courts building, the felony preliminaries are held via closed-circuit television. 

“Completely Victim Friendly” for $64+ Million

Among its many advantages, the new Domestic Violence court ''is going to be completely victim-friendly'' was the rave!

The new building features separate entrances for alleged victims and alleged offenders, Bertucci said. There are also separate elevators and waiting rooms.

Additionally, there are spaces for an array of victims' advocates on the new court's first floor, Bertucci said. The scattered branches put a heavy burden on the victims.

''People who went to 13th and Michigan prior to the new building, , if there wasn’t enough evidence to sustain a criminal charge, then advocates told them to go to 28 N. Clark for a civil order. That made for a very long day for people who've very recently been victims of violence''.

The Maze of it all. Without GPS- “Organizational Structure” (See Map) And I’ll bet Susan knew it like the back of her hand!

The pièce de résistance- 555 West Harrison Street Children’s Advocacy Room

Although there has been child advocacy in the Chicago judicial system in various forms over the years, children are very vulnerable victims of domestic violence and need a safe harbor. The new courthouse has such a place. It provides a number of valuable services:


Postscript:

I’m thinking of a little girl from Chicago who wrote a poem expressing the violence that was happening in her home as a means of reaching out. The teacher and the principal did not believe her…and she was punished! That little girl, and author of “Holding My Hand Through Hell” was Susan Murphy Milano!

Donna Gore created a service program for crime victims and offers her assistance in creating a cohesive victim impact statement tailored to the individuals and their cases. She recognizes that this could be of great value to not only the crime victim, but to the court system as well.

By using Gore’s services a crime victim can be coached on how to best present their victim impact statement. From her vast experience volunteering in the courtroom, she is able to act as a liaison with advocates who may not have the same experiences. Working with the court advocates, attorneys, and prosecutors, not only will the crime victims’ voices be heard, they will be presented professionally, courteously, and effectively.

Donna R. Gore is a consultant and trainer with the Office of Victim Services within the US Department of Justice. She is the host of the internet radio show, Shattered Lives which broadcasts every Saturday at 5pm Eastern time on the Inside Lenz Network.

They Don't Deserve to Die

By Diane Fanning

The ultimate act of domestic violence is homicide. The lead-up to that fatal act comes in a lot of forms. In many cases, it is physical violence with some women being battered to the point of hospitalization on a regular basis. With others it is more subtle—the destruction is emotional, shaped by intimidation, control, and the shredding of self-confidence.

No matter how it manifests, it is clear that the most dangerous time for any of these women is when they decide to leave and for up to two years after they take action. That is the time that many women die. I’ve seen this truth fulfilled in book I’ve written about the deaths of Susan McFarland in Texas, Kathleen Peterson in North Carolina and now in my most recent book, UNDER COVER OF THE NIGHT, the death of Jocelyn Earnest in Forest, Virginia.

All of these women had many things in common. Susan, Kathleen and Jocelyn were all well-loved by family and friends. They all had high-powered jobs with good salaries. Not one of them had any of the serious risk factors that often presage a violent death. All three seemed unlikely victims and yet, all three died in their homes at the hands of their husbands.

Their relationships were marked by controlling behavior. Their spouse always got his way. For example, when Jocelyn wanted a cozy little cabin getaway on the lake, her husband insisted on designing and erecting a $1.2 million showcase. She went along to keep him happy.

In every case, these spouses had a secret life. Two had a locked room or forbidden space. Two had sexual alliances outside of the home—one of fleeing nature with multiple partners, the other a relationship of more serious import. One had been a high octane stock broker, one a bestselling author and the third, Jocelyn’s husband Wesley was the Assistant Principal at a high school, entrusted with other people’s children every day.

All three husbands felt free to make belittling comments of their wives in front of others and to criticize their decisions and thoughts. Susan made divorce plans behind her spouse’s back. He hacked into her accounts and discovered her secret. He beat her to death and hid her body. Kathleen discovered her husband’s infidelity and made a decision to leave. He killed her that night in the stairway of her home. He claimed it was an accident.

Jocelyn finally stood up for herself, breaking the bonds that kept her under his control, separating from her spouse and rebuilding her life. Then, she saw him in his Lake House getaway, in bed with another woman. She filed for divorce. Wesley killed her and tried to stage it as a suicide, complete with a note that attempted to make her look like the cheating spouse and him the wronged party.

Wesley believed he would get away with it. He thought that his inheritance from Jocelyn’s death would enable him to keep his beloved lake house. Things did not go as he planned. He was charged with her murder and, without her pay check, he couldn't meet the mortgage and the bank was about to foreclose. The beautiful house on the shore went up in flames.

All three men were convicted of the murder of their wives and sent to prison. (Although one is now out awaiting a new trial on a technicality.) As gratifying as that might be, it does not bring back Susan, Kathleen or Jocelyn—it does not breathe life into three incredible women whose lives were cut short.

Sadly, when I look at their lives and the choices they made after they decided to leave, I see that each of them could have benefited from following the plans in Susan Murphy Milano’s book, TIME’S UP! Had they done so, they may have still been alive today. If you know anyone in a perilous, controlling or abusive relationship, put that book in her hands. Urge her to read and follow the advice and instructions.

We need to help each other. It’s the only way we can avoid unnecessary sorrow and grief. Understand the barriers for leaving an abusive relationship and don’t abandon your friend, co-worker or family member just because she is reluctant to act. She needs your support now more than ever—no matter how long it takes.

Thinking of Susan Murphy Milano: "There are some who bring a light so bright to the world that even after they have gone, the light remains."

Diane Fanning speaks at recent event

Diane Fanning is the author of over 20 published books, both true crime and crime fiction. Her 2014 book releases are UNDER COVER OF THE NIGHT and the historical WWII novel, SCANDAL IN THE SECRET CITY. All her books are available at online book retailers as well as local book stores.

For a complete list of Diane's books, visit her website: DianeFanning.Com

Gone Girl: Fiction or Dangerous Reality?

By Amy Robinson

The movie, “Gone Girl” with Ben Affleck came out this week. I recently saw the trailer for this film and I was horrified. It felt like living through the week that my family and I spent searching for my sister all over again. The difference is – this piece of fiction, based on a book of the same name, actually lends credence and credibility to the idea that the missing person is not worth looking for, and that her significant other is just an innocent victim of some spontaneous, ridiculously complicated and complex plot to falsely implicate him.

In reality, it doesn’t really happen that way. To quote a District Attorney, “It’s not the lunatic down the street that’s going to kill you. It’s the person you fall asleep next to every night.” If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s most likely a duck – not some strange, elaborate conspiracy to frame the penguin and call him a duck.

When I was younger if I had seen an article like this, I would have rolled my eyes. I would have said, “Oh please. It’s fictional! Get over it, Lady!” Well, to some degree, I can understand that. I enjoy fantastical, elaborate storytelling more than most. My mind was blown just as much as yours at the end of “The Sixth Sense,” and I still understand that fiction is a great source of entertainment and often thought-provoking discussion. It’s that last point that gives me pause, though.

Now that I’ve lived through having to search for my sister- knowing in my bones what had already transpired, but unable to get rid of that vague sense of hope that she was still alive somewhere – I have become the loudmouth that would have once caused me to scoff.

As human beings, we look to our stories, our fiction, to form our Ethos. When our children are growing up, we read the “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” to emphasize the virtue of honesty, “The Little Engine That Could” to champion perseverance and tenacity, and “Green Eggs and Ham” to encourage them to try new things and be adventurous. We don’t change all that much as adults. We still derive our thought processes and point our ethical compasses towards the lessons that we get from our stories. The Bible, whatever else it is, at its core, is literature; it’s a story, or more precisely a bunch of stories. While we know that Darth Vader didn’t really tromp around force choking people in a galaxy far, far away, we still admire the values of courage, compassion, and fighting against the forces of tyranny and fear that are espoused by those films.

Timing the Release of Gone Girl

“Gone Girl” purports the idea that victims of intimate partner violence are likely inventing some elaborate drama in order to implicate their significant others in a crime that was never committed. This is not just far-fetched and unlikely in reality – it’s dangerous, particularly to release it during Domestic Violence Awareness Month into a culture that is ripe to finally be paying proper attention to the issue of intimate partner violence. It lends credibility to assailants that do not deserve credibility.

This narrative suggests that every murderer who has ever been implicated by his/her intimate partner’s notes or journal entries could be just an innocent victim of an elaborate scheme to discredit and incarcerate him/her. (Notice I give attention to both genders here. Jodi Arias is a perfect example of a female perpetrator who falsely claimed after the murder of her boyfriend, Travis, that she was the victim all along and he was beating her, despite all evidence to the contrary.)

I can see the headlines: “ACCUSED MURDERER ACQUITTED, DEFENSE USES MOVIE PLOT TO SWAY JURY.” Picture a loved one sitting on a witness stand, reading from a victim’s journal that reads “I’m afraid he is going to kill me,” being grilled by a defense attorney. “Are you familiar with the story of ‘Gone Girl’? Are you telling this court that it is impossible that your loved one invented all of this and planted a false journal?” Anyone sitting on the jury who saw the movie or read the book instantly has reasonable doubt, even though the story is a complete fabrication, invented in the mind of an author, brought to life by a filmmaker, and released at the most irresponsible point possible.


I ask that each of us be mindful that when we go to see a film, keep in mind that it is a fictional invention of the author, and not a factual account of events. I further ask that filmmakers and marketers be more sensitive to the timing of the films they release.

Releasing this film during Domestic Violence Awareness Month is nothing short of hurtful and offensive to those of us who have lived through events such as these, without the fantastical twist at the end, just a dead body and a huge hole left in all of our lives.

Amy Robinson is a voice actress offering a wide range of inflections and accents, bringing a variety of characters right off the page. Amy’s voice is fun, friendly, and very versatile.

Amy has a stake in Domestic Violence Awareness Month, losing her sister to murder in 2011. She created the blog, Justice for Nique, in memory of her murdered sister as a way of releasing her own emotions and being a resource for others.

Visit Amy’s Website: AmyRobinsonVO.Com

Murdering Susann Smith

by Heidi Hiatt

On February 12th of this year, Bothell, Washington resident Susann Smith didn’t show up for work. She was found bludgeoned to death with an ax–and stabbed– in the bathtub of her home. This murder set the community on edge and to date a suspect has not been arrested.

Smith had primary custody of her three and six year-old children. Her estranged husband, Allan Smith, saw them on evenings and weekends. They were getting a divorce and Susann had allegedly threatened to take the children back to her native Germany.

Allan has been named as a person of interest and the media has reported that he’d done an online search about countries without extradition treaties. The police are also investigating purchases he made including a bicycle that might have been used in the murder. To put it bluntly, all signs are pointing to the estranged ex-husband, who lived just two miles away.

The ferocity of the attack that was clearly designed to make sure Susann Smith was dead reeks of domestic violence. I could imagine it being committed by someone who desperately wanted her to know that he had power over her life and was in control of her final moments. This is someone who could walk away from a brutal homicide and go back to work without batting an eyelash because he felt it was justifiable.

A couple of weeks ago the local media reported an intensely disturbing development in this case– Allan Smith was moving Susann’s belongings out of the house and doing some repairs so he could move in. He has since moved back into the house where she was killed and is going to pursue custody of their children, who are currently under the care of Child Protective Services.

The house was a crime scene and the police served a search warrant there at the end of February, so I’m assuming they felt confident enough in their evidence gathering for Allan to remove Susann’s vehicle, have her blood scrubbed up, and remove sheetrock, which is what the Bothell Reporter said they did.

Allan Smith has not been officially named as a suspect and the Bothell Police might be trying to create an airtight case before arresting him. But many people are concerned about his being allowed to continue on with his life as if nothing happened, including some neighbors.

When a suspect is still on the loose, it’s logical for community members to wonder if this is an isolated incident, if there is a serial killer on the loose, to wonder if themselves and their own family in danger, and simply have a lot of questions in general. Sometimes the police could do a better job of rumor control and PR while a case is under investigation.

Initially the police asked for the public to share information and are still welcoming that, but inviting input without much output can make people reluctant to respond. I realize there may be excellent reasons for not sharing more about the case, but they have been fairly open about what evidence has been found so far, so I’m as curious about this as Smith’s neighbors are.

Hearing that the person of interest was moving back into a homicide victim’s house reminded me that some killers feel a great sense of power and satisfaction when they return to the scene of a crime. This is common in serial arsonists, who like to return to their crime scenes to feel the rush they get from viewing their own work.

This also reminds me that killers sometimes like to have trophies and mementos from their victims so that they can relive the crime and relish the sick satisfaction they got from taking a life. It’s like a man conquering a mountain and then standing there proudly next to the flag he just planted at the summit.

In a domestic violence case, it’s likely that a suspect moving back into a residence he used to share with the victim could be his way of gaining back something he thought was taken from him unfairly. It sounds like Allan Smith felt like he was having to work too hard to pay for too many of his estranged ex-wife’s bills and for child support.

Seattle-area news reporters have already asked the obvious question– will this be a repeat of the Powell case? Josh Powell was suspected of murdering his ex-wife but gained visitation with their two boys, who he brutally murdered seconds before he burned the house down with them in it. See http://wildninja.wordpress.com/2012/02/06/3084/.

It has always boggled my mind that men suspected of murdering their children’s mothers are allowed to have visitation or even custody of those children while they’re being investigated. Seattle attorney Anne Bremner and others told the world that Josh Powell would murder his two sons before it happened, but those two innocent little boys were slaughtered anyway. Susan Powell is still missing and Josh Powell’s creep of a father, who’s currently in prison, won’t talk.

I don’t know the details of how or if Allan Smith could get custody of his and Susann’s children. I’d imagine that if an arrest is not made soon or if he’s not arrested at all it could happen. Even if he’s completely innocent, those children should not be living in the home were the traumatic event of their mother’s murder happened. They shouldn’t have to use the same bathroom or even bathe in the same bathtub she was hacked to death in.

That Allan Smith would even consider bringing the children back to that home shows a shocking lack of sensitivity for the children’s well-being. That is typical of many domestic violence cases– the perpetrator’s actions are not about what’s in the best interest of the children, but about power and control. Allan attended Susann’s memorial service, and while he’s innocent until proven guilty, that is another classic move of spouse killers. Also, what parent is going to let their own children go over to that house to play with the Smith children?

At least one of Allan Smith’s family members has said that Susann was contentious and verbally abusive. If she was, does that justify any abuse or murder? Does her behavior– if that’s true– absolve her estranged ex-husband of any criminal actions? If she had any mental issues, were they a result of chronic stress and abuse? From personal experience I know that outsiders are so quick to judge when they lack empathy for what a victim might be going through. They attribute stress and emotion to the victim rather than what might be happening to the victim.

There are other questions. Could Susann have been threatening to go back to Germany to protect her children? Could Allan, who had accused Susann of sexually abusing their son, have killed her under the pretense that he was protecting their son? If arrested, how will the defense spin that? Is the defense going to claim that Allan Smith was already convicted in the public eye? It will be interesting to see how this plays out. This homicide was obviously premeditated and organized. It appears that the suspect was out for revenge and to regain a sense of control.

In conclusion, I’m very disappointed that this case has not gotten more news coverage. The Bothell Reporter has stayed on the case and reports updates as they get them, but where is the outcry and outrage over a local woman being murdered and the liberties the person of interest has taken? Are we so desensitized to murder because of video games and TV that we simply turn away and move on? Has Seattle-area society become the fabled priest and Levite in the tale of the Good Samaritan?

A woman is dead. Her possible killer might take legal action to force their children to live in the crime scene were she was murdered. Other people we know will be murdered in the same manner and by their partners and spouses because we turn a blind eye to domestic violence so often. This case should be a reminder that this can happen in every strata of society and it will only end when a majority decides not to tolerate the abuse and killings of their fellow human beings anymore.

See:

http://www.komonews.com/news/local/Medical-examiner-Bothell-mom-was-killed-by-injuries-to-the-head-191452901.html

http://www.bothell-reporter.com/news/204131081.html

http://www.bothell-reporter.com/news/206347541.html



Conviction is worthless until it converts itself into conduct. –Thomas Carlyle

Heidi Hiatt, MA recently graduated as a Forensic Psychologist.  You can read more of her posts at her personal blog, Truth, Justice, and All-American Allergen-Free Apple Pie Straight Talk in a Crooked World

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) Timeless Tool For Escaping Abusive Relationships

Carrying the torch of Susan Murphy Milano’s work through Document The Abuse,  many advocates are bringing awareness to audiences and organizations across the country of the benefits of the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and teaching how it can be incorporated into existing protocols.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) was first introduced in Susan Murphy Milano's book, Time's Up: A Guide on How to Safely Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship and is still one of the most  significant contributions to the complicated issue of keeping victims of abuse from becoming murder victims. The importance of the EAA to first responders, law enforcement, court personnel, hospital personnel and domestic violence advocates was Murphy Milano's mission before her untimely death from cancer on October 28, 2012.

Time's Up contains all the information needed to create and complete a personal safety and escape plan, enhancing standard safety plans and personalizing the victim's own requirements.  The book has been offered as training to several advocates and organizations around the country and is often used as a textbook.

What is the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA)?  From Document The Abuse:

The E.A.A. is a detailed, yet simple to perform process that walks the victim step-by-step through creating a legal document that will stand the test of many of the legal hurdles that are thrown at intimate partner violence and stalking cases.

The process helps the victim to prepare her history of abuse and stalking, utilize the included documents, gather other needed evidence, and distribute the documentation to specified people.

“The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit contains information that is critical to help victims’ in documenting their experiences and creating a record to insure that instances of abuse are memorialized should they be needed for future use in the legal system” (Donna Pendergast is the First Assistant Attorney General Office of Special Investigations in Lansing Michigan.)

It is as immediate as buying the Times Up! e-book, downloading it, and following the instructions to prepare the document. For those who are worried about storing an e-book on a shared computer, the Times Up! book also conveniently comes in a print book format with easy to Xerox document pages. Used as a self-help procedure, any victim can easily complete this confidential process and be assured that their experiences are legally documented.

“The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is another tool to save lives. It’s practical, inspirational and USEABLE. The insights are precise and pragmatic.” (Hon. Nancy Sidote-Salyers, Former Prosecutor, Retired Circuit Court Judge)

The victims will also produce a short video telling in their own words, what abuse and stalking they have experienced. Included in the video is identifying information of the perpetrators identity, a photo, his social security number, place of employment, and patterns of abuse conduct.

Lethality factors are also discussed: weapons, assaults on others, drug use, mental health history and any other detailed information that helps the court understand his dangerousness.

Items of DNA evidence are suggested for collection, legal documents are filled out, a notarization process is followed, and distribution to safe and legal persons makes sure the E.A.A. is available should the victim be seriously harmed, goes missing, or is killed.

iEAA the App from Apple

The iEAA App brings safety planning into the age of technology. Developed by Allen Corporation in conjunction with Susan Murphy Milano and Chet Hosmer, the iEAA App was unveiled on July 4, 2012 (Independence Day) allowing the information to be downloaded and used on any Apple product.

This is the first phase of the App and further improvements and developments are currently in the works to bring the app into the Android market and capability of cloud storage.

Who Needs an EAA and Why?

Until now, the standard response for intimate partner violence and stalking from law enforcement has been:

* Victims are told to report (but action is only taken if you can show evidence of the abuse)
* Victims are told to go to a shelter
* Victims are told to get a restraining order (but usually only granted if there is evidence of the abuse)
* Victims are told to move away (but leaving behind careers, family, and assets)
* Victims are told to stay with someone else
* Victims are told stalking is hard to prove and stalking laws are often weak and poorly defined

This response does not help the victim ‘document’ the situations and specifics of her abuse and her abuser. Outside of a police report or restraining order, documentation has still not occurred. In a case of future serious injury, the victim goes missing, or is killed, nothing exists to link her to her story.

The E.A.A. has the propensity to document the historical aspects of the abuse and record it to challenge 'hearsay' arguments in a case. By simply following the steps of creating an E.A.A. a victim can provide 'before the event' information that presents the history of her case prior to serious injury, disappearance or death. Click here to read more about how the E.A.A. benefits a victim's case.

Information such as details of how the perpetrator has said he would carry out harming, abducting or killing her can be detailed. Admissions or comments made to her about other victims the perpetrator has harmed can be listed. Likely hiding places for weapons or evidence can be revealed. Possible alibis that he would make up for his defense (including identification of people who could be the perp’s co-defendants in her harm, abduction or murder). If the victim has existing scars or active wounds, they can be documented at the time of the E.A.A. creation.

The E.A.A. has the same informational capabilities of providing unknown and unrecognized abuser and stalking risk factors known by the victim.

For detailed information on how the EAA supports cases of abuse: CLICK HERE

For information on education, awareness and training on the EAA or personal assistance in creating your safety plan: CLICK HERE

If you are thinking about leaving an abusive relationship, BEFORE you announce your plans in a fit of anger or unclear thinking, think again and do what it takes to save your own life and keep your children safe.  Create your Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit to maximize your chances of getting out alive!

If you are out of the relationship and need extra support, you can contact The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction for expert information on how to heal.

Time’s Up: A Guide on How to Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship can be ordered through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books A Million, and all online digital and local book retailers. 

For quantity case orders and discounts, please contact ImaginePublicity, Tel: 843-808-0859, Email: contact@imaginepublicity.com

For detailed information about Susan Murphy Milano in her true crime memoir, Holding My Hand Through Hell, her last book, is available through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books A Million, and all online digital and local book retailers, or directly from the publisher, Ice Cube Press.

Based on a true story, told with the flow of a novel, spiced with frank wisdom and wit, Holding My Hand Through Hell encourages the reader to immerse themselves into this family’s life and is an inspiration to become an advocate for change in this world we all share. This book will incite discussion, debate, and heightened awareness about hope, survival, abuse, murder, and its impact on our society. In the end, it will leave readers both applauding this woman as well as wondering how she escaped, sometimes at the eleventh hour. Twenty years later, she has realized that God must have been holding her hand through hell, delivering her from the evils of her life in order to save others.

Actress Jennifer Hudson Under the Bright Lights of Life

Julian King, Age 7

In Chicago yesterday jury selection began for William Balfour. He's standing trial for the October 24, 2008 murders of Darnell Donerson, 57, Jason Hudson, 29 and Julian King, 7.

Balfour was the estranged husband of Julia Hudson who had threatened her just days prior to making good on his promise because she was ending the relationship. He does the unthinkable after murdering Darnell and Jason, taking Julian who likely witnessed the murders of his grandma and uncle Balfour takes the keys steels an SUV belonging to Jason Hudson and the child's bullet ridden body is discovered three days later in Chicago's West Side Englewood neighborhood.

When neighbors were interviewed and an Amber alert was in effect for Julian, they reported hearing shots fired but no one reported the bang, bang sounds because in this neighborhood the sounds of gunfire are commonplace.

At the very core of these murders stands a daughter, sister and aunt whom in one day, lost her entire world to one man's anger and rage. Yes, intimate partner violence and homicide strikes and erase's lives of families from every social economic level of our society. But when it affects someone famous the world automatically puts on a different pair of rose colored glasses.

Jennifer Hudson's star would rise and fall all in a matter of months. Her rise to the national spotlight on American Idol followed by a nomination and Oscar for her performance in the movie "Dreamgirls," to the fall of her only bright star in her life, her mother Darnell, Jennifer's entire world.

That is what intimate partner homicide does it hijacks those left behind to pick-up the pieces of their lives. Forever, a survivor is changed, their entire world as they once knew it, gone. It affects generations. The following year on August 11, 2009, Jennifer gave birth to a baby boy. Her child will never know the warmth and love of his grandmother, uncle Jason or cousin Julia. This was not some isolated incident, but a planned out execution.

As the trial makes national headlines how about we provide information on those currently living in fear for their lives. How about we direct those in violent relationships to create a plan that includes information at the document the abuse site where victims are directed to create the evidentiary abuse affidavit. They too, are someone's bright star who deserve to end a relationship with their lives!

Time's Up!

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.

A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals, victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host onCrime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writes providing commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime. And the author of the upcoming book "Holding My Hand Through Hell."

Another Saturday Morning

 by Anita Sullivan 

I drove by the morning after. There were two cars in the drive, but no people in sight. There were no signs of trouble, just two marks of orange spray paint. If you didn’t know otherwise, you might think the marks were from the utility company, marking where work was to happen. I was driving out of my neighborhood, down the same street and past the same houses I do every day, for another Saturday morning at the ball field with my kids. Others were walking their dogs, looking for garage sales, headed out for errands.

But in that home, just past the orange spray paint, nothing would ever be the same. The afternoon prior, Cynthia Hayes had come to her home to get belongings, at a time when she didn’t expect her husband home. They were separated, and must have had a history of violence, because a protective order against him had recently expired. It wouldn’t have helped her this day anyway. A lot of details are unclear as the investigation continues, but this much is clear- David Hayes was home. David Hayes had a shotgun. David Hayes used it.

As his wife and a friend ran from the home, he chased them. He first shot the friend, who fell where one of the orange marks of spray paint stains. His wife made it into a neighbor’s home. A neighbor encountered him and begged that he not shoot her, reminding him that she had a child. She later said that he was blank and she knew had snapped. He did not shoot her. But did go into the neighbor’s home where his wife was, shooting and killing her. He then returned home and shot himself, dying hours later.

That night, our neighborhood was closed off, with media swarming and crime scene units working. People gathered on the street. Friends and family who saw our street on the news called to check on us, and many we knew were posting on Facebook about the horror. But the next morning, as I drove by and saw just orange paint, I was the most disturbed. Not that such violence can happen. But that we hide so much and see so little, and go back to normal so quickly.

The morning after, even if you hadn’t heard the news, if you were paying close enough attention you might have seen that the orange paint was marking a crime scene. But we don’t pay close attention- we drive by in our own world, missing the clues of the terrible and painful things happening just past those signs. What signs were there before this murder? We didn’t know this family, but someone must have had clues. What signs may I be missing in those I know and love that they need help? The danger they face isn’t likely as big as what Cynthia faced. But this was such a reminder that I need to open my eyes and be willing to do more.

The children left behind are young adults, and I pray have the support and love of many. There is also still a woman battling for her life in ICU. As I drove by tonight, the cleanup had begun, and family and friends have started to gather.

It’s too late for anyone to help Cynthia. Look around, who might need your help, no matter how subtle the clues or seemingly small the danger? I’m honoring her tonight by asking that of myself, and of you.

Links to Articles:

http://jacksonville.com/news/crime/2012-03-09/story/2-dead-1-critically-injured-clay-county-domestic-shooting

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/topstories/article/246270/483/Two-Dead-One-Hospitalized-After-Orange-Park-Shooting

 Anita Sullivan is the sister of a missing person, and long time advocate of victims, even before having a personal connection to the world of lost. During college,Anita found a passion for helping others and was involved in a variety of ministries. She then started a career in non-profit, first working with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. She went on to work with at risk families through a supervised visitation program before spending several years in fundraising and advocacy. She now tries to reach people with a message of Hope through writing and speaking, while honoring her brother, Michael "Austin" Davis, who has been missing since 2007. To learn more about Anita, visit her at losingaustin.blogspot.com.

Time’s Up: Let Me Count The Ways to Save A Life

By Susan Murphy Milano

April 2010 launched the book, Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive an Abusive and Stalking Relationship. The information contained in the book has been used by many victims of abuse in the almost 2 years since it became available to the public, and those who chose to follow the information in the book, are all still alive at a time when we are seeing record numbers of intimate partner murder/suicides and whole families being annihilated.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit© is still not being used to its fullest potential by the legal, medical, and advocacy program communities, but it is available in many forms to the general public, and the testimonials are astounding. The testimonials are not just coming from recovered victims, but from those brave advocates who are using it on their own to best assist the victims who come to them for help.

Although not yet fully used as accepted practice in shelters and agencies across the country, Time's Up and the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit© is being discussed throughout the nation in the domestic violence assistance community.  In the meantime, I've made this life-saving, but simple procedure available in as many formats as possible so that it's in the hands of those who need it most, the abuse victim.

Where can Time's Up and the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit be found?

The website Document the Abuse was created to house all the information about the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit©, it's purpose, it's benefits, and how to become certified to properly use the information on a case by case basis. The future of it's success lies in the organization of advocates in all victim services fields and their training in how to properly administer and create the individual safety plans and the EAA.

Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive an Abusive and Stalking Relationship

The over-sized paperback book is available from Amazon, Barnes and Noble and all online retailers. You can request it through your local book stores if it's not yet being carried there.

It's also available on Kindle and as an ebook (pdf format) through several sites including Susan Murphy Milano's website and blog, susanmurphymilano.com and The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education saferelationshipsmagazine.com 

Coming Soon!

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit © will soon be available in two new formats, an "interactive pdf" as well as the long awaited app from Apple.  Stay tuned for the announcements and where you can find them!

Time's Up is being translated into Spanish, we're very excited about being able to more effectively serve the Latino population, and will keep readers abreast of when it will be available.

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as an educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.


susanmurphymilano.com

"Attitude Adjustment"

By Susan Murphy-Milano

"How many times do we have to mourn young women and young men. We never expect to be the one on the poster. I have lost friends and been what I thought at the time in Cassies position. We can mourn her but we really must remember there are still women and men out their in her place. We don't want to be there we want out. But who will be patient and wait and encourage us to be strong enough to leave. Leaving is a process that is harder than staying. I didn't know Cassie and my heart goes out to her family and friends. As much as we want to know if there was something that could have been done, remember that the only thing we can do is to help someone else. It is not fair that we give these abusers power. It is time to take back the power and think of our safety before we think of what could happen to the person who abuses the victim. May God Bless Cassie's friends and family with the courage to make a difference and not let her death be another win for domestic abusers."

The comment above was left yesterday on my blog. Cassie Leigh Cotta, 24 Fort Smith, Arkansas was last seen on December 30, 2011. Her mother Pearl knew something was terribly wrong, especially when her daughter failed to show up at her job tending bar New Year's Eve. In addition, the media was all but ignoring the plea's of Cassie's mom until she literally went down to the stations and pleaded with the media to get the word out her daughter was missing. Likely ignored because Cassie did not fit the "pretty white clean cut cookie cutter image," for a news story.

In my opinion, it was all the more reason to have national coverage on this case. Cassie Leigh Cotta represented reality for others just like her in violent relationships. She believed her husband would change. Cassie loved him and thought she could handle the verbal and physical assaults. She never for a moment felt as if he would actually kill her. Yes, her husband was controlling and jealous but again Cassie was tough! But not strong enough when it came to her feelings for her husband. The couple would go back and forth, breaking-up to making-up, even with a court order of protection in place. Her relationship was toxic as hell. And without proper support and counseling to move forward, she was marked for death. Her husband could charm a snake out of spitting deadly venom. Like the majority of offenders he knew how to play the game. So much so that prior to him confessing to Cassie's murder on Tuesday, he was on searches, talking with media and consoling his mother-in-law.

The photo at the top is one of the few I could locate that does not show Cassie's tattoo's. It is also a picture that captures her beauty. As an observation, after the fact, if the family had used that photo perhaps the media would have done more to spread the word she was missing.

Instead, photo's of who Cassie Leigh was were used in the media and on her missing person poster. This is one flaw that must be corrected when it involves those who suddenly vanish. Especially in cases of Intimate Partner Homicide. When we try to sugar coat and put "pretty pictures" of those affected by crimes we play into the myth that violence only happens to "certain people." Or that a lifestyle choice dictates in the early hours of a reported missing person case who receives attention both from law enforcement and the media.

Cassie Leigh Cotta, tough as nails on the outside- warm sweet and wonderful on the inside. She used an art form to communicate her life; tattoos and body piercing. A victim of Intimate partner violence who would lose her life to a man hell bent on controlling her because she was finally working on ending the relationship.

The attitude adjustment in the general public is all of our responsibility. Abuse and staking is an epidemic with and without tattoos! Think this can't happen to you, or someone you hang with in the neighborhood?

I am sure if Cassie could speak to you she's say something like "Hey beyotch, pack your shit and crash someplace till you can figure out what to do. It ain't cool hear what I'm telling you-get the f.ing out ."

www.documenttheabuse.com

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.
A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals, victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host onCrime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writesproviding commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime

New Law: Cowboys, Indians and The Oklahoma Medical Examiner's Office

Last week the Chanda Turner Reform Act went into effect in Oklahoma. The new law is groundbreaking. It provides families whose loved ones deaths were ruled "suicides" the ability to appeal the medical examiners ruling in hopes of having the cause of death changed.

The new law is appropriately named after Chanda Turner 23, shot to death at her home on July 12, 2000. She was ending the relationship and moving on with her life minus him. Her boyfriend who has significant ties to the town from everything to erected street signs, park plaques to a relative as one the original founding town member of Pauls Valley, claimed Chanda shot herself.

Crime scene photo's would tell a different story, the truth. This includes the photo's taken of defense wounds on the shooter. But, the heavy handed political powers in town, the very people that magically appear on the original crime scene log the evening of the 12th or do not appear depending on which log you view, cover-up the truth. Just so a powerful family in my opinion can keep their son out of prison.

Sadly, no one thinks about the prison for Chanda Turner's family. They endured a nightmare for nearly a dozen years. From the day their daughter was murdered they have fought against the powers of political corruption and cowardice by their own community. Last year while in Oklahoma, I witnessed firsthand many turn their backs during my trip for the families seeking justice and those on the Justice For The Dead site created by attorney Jaye Mendros. By mid-week the tide had turned people were finally listening.

Now, with the new in place, the train to justice has pulled out of the station and is headed on track to the halls of justice.

The journey for justice is not only about a new law, but a group of people, strangers really who came together for a cause greater than themselves. The power of one family, the Turner's reaching out to others whose loved ones also lost their lives by someone else's hand. The medical examiners office(s) in the state of Oklahoma recklessly stamping death certificates as suicides when in actuality are homicides.

Make no mistake if you are a family of a suspicious death or you know in your heart that a loved one did not die by their own hand, do not give up. Fight for justice in their untimely silence. If you do not believe you can make changes to correct a corrupt or blind system, get a hold of me and I will connect you to Joe and Donna Turner!

http://www.okcfox.com/newsroom/top_stories/videos/kokh_vid_4220.shtml

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is a specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies and high risk cases and available for personal consultations through the Institute. She is also part of the team at Management Resources Limited of New York.

Susan is a contributor to Forbes : Crime, She Writes a powerhouse lineup of female true crime professionals, experts and authors providing commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective.

Susan is the author of "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,"Moving out, Moving on, and Defending Out Lives. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire.