The True Meaning of Friendship and… Am I Pretty??

by Donna R. Gore

This is one of those fitful nights in which sleep won’t come for Ladyjustice.  So much is happening in her world right now, (in A Good way) that her mind is like chocolate marshmallow swirl!!

A recent Facebook post is weighing on her mind… “Am I Pretty” concerning prepubescent girls worrying so about their looks that they feel compelled to solicit strangers comments over the internet!   The sad truth is… they were all very cute! Such a pity that they have such low self-esteem at such a young age and that their value systems are all screwed up!

This topic relates to the true value of life and friendship, LOOKS ASIDE. Several weeks ago, this writer wrote with enthusiasm about the prospect of meeting her REAL PEOPLE for the very first time after months and months of hard, intense  and fun… work….  Not having the opportunity to meet through geographic distance and not having any idea what a couple of these people look like.  … NOT THAT IT MATTERS… and that’s exactly the point! 

When you have mutual goals, when you are thrown together for a purpose and its sink or swim tied to your efforts, you develop trust and appreciate the other person.  It matters not in the least what they look like.  In fact, you laugh at your flaws and theirs may become endearments.   You know the person by e-mail, text, or phone, but you don’t get that body language, their mannerisms which often give you information about which the person truly is….  

Ladyjustice can think of three scenarios in which she has encountered this phenomenon. And so far, it has worked out great!  It’s pure, it’s real, and IT’S NOT BASED ON LOOKS!

The cleaning lady from Poland…. LJ has had the same once a month cleaning lady for 12 years.  They met once in person…maybe twice at most… but that’s it…  LJ has given her Christmas bonuses, occasional little souvenirs from a trip…  They have spoken on the phone.  However, if Ladyjustice had to pick her out of a “Law & Order“ line-up – forget it!    The point is, it works…and it has nothing to do with her looks – no judgments!

The second situation occurs when, in the course of your work, you may communicate with a colleague in another state or country as part of your job.  You discuss the weather, the work, maybe your family or a mutual hobby.  But, you probably don’t know what they look like. Corporations are vastly cutting back on travel in favor of webinars and conference calls versus in-person meetings. [LJ has not as yet ventured into the world of Skype].  You have a phone friendship as it were…

The third scenario… and the one that is so unusual in LJ’s mind.. that it has worked so well for so long…. Is when she finally meets that trusted Public Relations Manager and another mentor!  These are the people who are helping to mold the re-invention, that new career to “put her on the map”… that co-pilot who knows just about all there is... and maybe too much…as that’s just the way this writer is….. Ladyjustice is very open and all out there for others to see, regardless…   This is probably typical in media relations, but Ladyjustice didn’t realize she’d be inheriting a new supportive family.

 So…. I thank you from the bottom and top of my heart for all of your hard work on my behalf….                         ‘Can’t wait to meet ‘cha….

Looks aside, of course!  It’s truly a shame all of those little girls on YouTube can’t appreciate relationships without looking at LOOKS!

Here’s (Not) Lookin’ at cha!                                             

                                                                                                                                                                                                  

To read more of Donna Gore's posts, and learn more about "LadyJustice," refer to her website: www.donnagore.com Donna is also a Featured Columnist for Here Women Talk and the host of SHATTERED LIVES each Saturday at 5ET.

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• "The Honeymooners" Was No Honeymoon... (When Nostalgia Is Not So Nice) (timesupblog.blogspot.com)
• Shattered Lives with Donna R. Gore: Who is She and Why do They Call Her "LadyJustice?" (donnagore.com)
• Lest We Forget...Being Grateful Even as Homicide Survivors (donnagore.com)

How to Choose Extreme Abundant Living in the Midst of Life’s Confusion—

By Pamela Chapman

As I sat listening to the news and its prediction for new oil pricing due to the current events in the Middle East, a popular song from the past popped into my mind. In fact, this song was quite popular during the turbulent sixties. It was sung by the very popular Temptations, "Ball of Confusion." It was the third or fourth time it had come to me in the past few weeks; so, I turned to my information glut, the Internet, and searched for its lyrics.

It didn't take long to realize why this experience of song had shown up. This popular group sang about racism, hate, revenge, politicians making impossible promises, demonstrations, unemployment, and fear.

I had, personally, stopped watching the news. In fact, I had written to my audience to stop watching the news because of its negativity. However, I realized I was quickly becoming uniformed and ill informed. I made the choice to not only get my news from the television networks, but I made the choice to also read, collect information and then come to my own conclusions.

So, how was I to experience abundant living in the middle of it all-in a world gone completely, absolutely mad? If we add child molestation and pornography, human trafficking, drug-gang wars, intimate-partner abuse, murder, and rape the only possible conclusion one can come to is it is totally impossible, right? Wrong. Absolutely wrong!

To live an abundant life is a choice. I choose to believe that there is a greater power, a higher resonance and vibration that lives in each and every one of us. I believe not only can we demand the greater good in ourselves, but we can command the good in each and every person to shine forth. We can choose love and light; and, in choosing we not only give out love and light, but we push love and light into the darkest and remotest corners of the Universe: to hearts, minds, and souls. In turn, we must be available to receive love and light that is sent out and gifted by others. Thereby, a circle or a cycle is created: a ball of light, vibration, contentment, confidence and creativity.

Perfect love casts out all fear, all confusion, all doubt and anxieties. It covers all faults, short comings and offenses. Understand, living from love does not mean you accept the atrocities of this world, never say no, or cease standing up for what is right and what is justice. Living from love or becoming love is seeking out justice, truth, being a voice for the voiceless, healing the broken hearted, and bringing encouragement and hope to the down trodden. It is making all wrongs right from a place of high vibration and energy not fear, hate, or revenge. It is living from a place of faith, hope and love for yourself and others.

What happens when we choose to act out of fear? We get more fear. When we choose to move from hate, we get more hate. When we choose to act out of revenge we get vengeance from others. Choose to flow from love, and we get? You've got it. It's called the Law of Reciprocity. Life reciprocates exactly what you put out.

I recently found myself in a situation where if I had known the outcome, I would have chosen another path. My coach, who is excellent at delivering me from my self-pity asked, "What would Jesus do?" I snidely remarked, "I don't know," annoyed by the question. Afterward, however, I gave the question a long thought. The answer was simple, He would choose love.

While I am not by any means attempting to convert, I am highly suggesting that in the midst of all the "ball of confusion" in your life and in your world, it is possible to experience abundant living. It is possible to have peace that passes all understanding and absolutely ridiculous joy, gratitude, self-love, wealth, health, and perfect self-expression.

At times, life comes at us cold and hard. Many times life doesn't seem fair. Often times it seems like awful tragedies and atrocities happen to really good people. I am a woman acquainted with suffering and grief. But, I will also tell you this, those experiences made me stronger. They aided in expanding me and making me who and what I am today. And on the road back to me, on the recovery trail, I passed hate, bitterness, anger, fear, low self-esteem and guilt. But, I eventually found the God in me-love.

I had to come to the place of choosing to let go; I had to choose to love and choose to forgive. Yes, I had to choose to love the very people who had turned my world upside down. At times, I fought hard and long. I even fought with God. Who was He to tell me to love my enemies? What did He know? Yes, I went there.

I know it doesn't seem possible or easy. But it is and can be. Go within your heart. Hear the "voice" within. Stand still and know. That standing still doesn't mean doing nothing. It does mean, however, being firm in your beliefs and convictions and not allowing emotion to sway or overtake you. You are the essence of all Creation, all Love, and all Light.

You may choose to believe the world is at its end; or, you may choose to believe the ball of confusion will bring us to an explosion of light, a new consciousness, a new beginning. You may choose to believe you're a victim in this world or you may choose to be an agent of change. You may choose to live in chaos, confusion or craziness or you may choose to live a life of abundance: love, joy, peace, happiness, health, wealth and perfect self-expression. These attributes are a choice. What's yours?

http://pamelachapman.biz

http://iascendprograms.com

Can You Trust Your Child’s Teacher?

By: Gaétane F. Borders

For Lamya Cannon’s mother, the answer to this question is a resounding NO! You remember the story….. last fall her teacher cut off one of her braids because she had been playing with her hair. According to her mother, Lamya’s teacher admitted to doing so, but did not seem remorseful. After initially hearing about this situation, I wondered out loud if there were any indications that this teacher was…well…unstable before this unbelievable incident? Had there been similar occurrences with other students? Or, did she just “snap” on that day. Typically speaking, there are telltale signs that suggest that something just ain’t right.

So, how can you tell if your child’s teacher is behaving badly? Well, it’s important to know that young children are typically not able to articulate their feelings. Instead, they may express somatic complaints (i.e. Stomachaches, headaches, sore throats etc.). They may cry or tantrum when its time to go to school, or you may notice a drastic decline in their grades. Or, they may begin to emphasize how much they hate school. Any and all of these behaviors is cause for your concern because they suggest that something may not be right.

Of Course, there are also more obvious indicators as well. In fact, there is a list of educator No-no’s which include but are not limited to:

• Telling students to “Shut up!”

• Calling students “stupid” or “idiots”

• Cutting their hair (sigh)

• Hitting, slapping, or shoving students

• Creating a classroom environment that breads bullying, teasing, or taunting

• Denying students the opportunity to learn by repeatedly sending them out of class

What would you do if this happened to your child? Just how common do things like this happen in schools? These are questions that parents are surely asking themselves after Lamya’s story hit the news. Please realize that as a parent, you have a tremendous amount of power. Many times, parents are intimidated by school administrators and the procedures. However, it is critical that you speak up and report any issues that are concerning to you. First, speak to your child to get their story. Take detailed notes, including dates and names. Next, speak directly with the teacher and ask that an assistant principal is present. Also contact the school principal and make them aware of your concerns. Indicate in no uncertain terms that you are ready and willing to bring your complaints to the school board if your concerns are not taken seriously. Put everything in writing for legal purposes and give the school an opportunity to act appropriately. If you do not feel comfortable with their decision, by all means call the school board…and an attorney.

I must say that as a School Psychologist who has devoted her life to making a positive impact in the lives of students…I am simply appalled when I learn of incidents of impropriety by educators. There is NEVER an excuse or reason to cause physical or emotional trauma to a child. Educators are held to a certain standard of excellence, as they not only educate children, but must also ensure their emotional and physical safety. That is why it is so disconcerting when the very people who are supposed to protect children are the ones at fault.

Albeit extreme, I wish that I could say Lamya’s story is an isolated incident….but with all honesty I cannot. No doubt, the preponderance of educators are phenomenal and committed to the art of educating and inspiring students. However, as with any other profession, there are some bad apples. Identifying these educators and making sure that they are appropriately disciplined is key. The impact that teachers make is inarguable, and when a teacher behaves badly it can have lasting effects on academic performance, as well as self-esteem.

Armed For Battle

By Karen Rae Elkins

If there were one battle plan for staying safe before, during or after a domestic violence event there would be fewer murders associated with what has become the hell within our homes. I read a statistic that stated 94% of all domestic violence murders occur in the home. The statistic didn't include the men and women who just couldn't take any more abuse. Many have committed suicide or died homeless on the streets as a result of domestic violence.

I found a report on the web conducted by our government titled "The impact of Domestic Violence." I could feel my blood pressure rise. Our government loves impact statements. Go ahead, I dare you to google impact statement. Billions of dollars - billions of words - created by whom and for what reason? While government agencies spend millions studying the impact of domestic violence, people are dying every day. I could have saved them a bunch of money. "Violence KILLS!" Who is impacted? Everyone....even those who have never lived a violent moment. No one is excluded or untouched by the actions of violence. It's time to wake up.

This is one reason I believe "Time's Up!" is so valuable. Government agencies on violence pledge to protect, but they have lost their way. While they spins their wheels and our money, there are everyday people willing take the frontline in the war on violence. We are armed with first hand experience. Experience is the best teacher. Who better to help others than true Statesmen armed with compassion, solid advise, wisdom and sometimes just to listen? We are soldiers in the Army for a peaceful life. We fight the fight with faith to overcome the captivity called violence.

In memory of who I was, I've created a battle plan in hopes to help save a life from a vicious fate. I call this plan: "Get the Hell Out When The Heat Is On". On my battlefield of idea's you can find, a mixture of friends,  a good dose of confidence, an ounce of prevention, a measure of strategy, and I stir in the waters of faith.

Where do you write your plan for living?

I did so with the help of good friends.  No two violent situations are the same, so I encourage you to read my battle plan then, sit down and write your own plan for surviving and thriving. I suggest you write down your strategy over the pages of an old book laying around the house. I wrote my plan in my Bible...a place my abuser would never go. The margins were packed with my thoughts. He never knew. A journal or a notebook is like a red flag saying, just go on and beat me now. Out of all your troubles, refuse to lose. The more you write, the stronger you grow until... finally you will leave. When the day of victory comes for you, take the hand of someone who was in your shoes and become their ally.

Arm yourself.

The best way out of a bad relationship is to find a good relationship. I'm not talking about hopping from one person to another, What's the saying? "Out of the frying pan and into the fire." I'm talking about real down home, butt kicking, friendships. Isolation is common among abuse victims. Seek out those who have defeated violence. There is a reason they named the movie, "We Were Soldiers." It's good to have friends that have never experienced abuse, but when you are fighting a war, best to surround yourself with both friends and soldiers. I discovered this fact late in my battle because of pride and shame. Don't make my mistake. Soldiers are experienced brothers and sisters. These are my soldier sisters, Alexis, Cherry, Delilah, Anny, Abby, Susan and Shelly. God bless them and God bless my soul sisters too. They are all fishermen, Cousin Jada, Katrina and Christie and Cindy. We can burn the cell phone minutes up.

Where do you start? Much like our brave soldiers fighting terrorist, I look to them for  knowledge. There is a camp near my home to train soldiers for battle in the Middle East. They are taught the tactics of the enemy and train in defense. Soldiers don't go into battle to lose, they get up and fight smart. The best defense is a good offense.

There is a specialized class that is catching on like a wildfire in America. This class could save you from ever taking that first blow. It's like a reserve or insurance, a measure of riches for a life without violence. It's called a personal safety class. Anny Jacoby is a pioneer in the area of personal safety. When I asked her about safety, this was her reply.

Karen, I wish everyone would recommend that every female get training long before the physical altercations so that they can learn the warning signs, be able to see the red flags, understand what Power & Control is all about, learn proactive safety tips and ultimately how one can protect and defend herself mentally, emotionally and ultimately physically. And, every female must understand that any assault is NEVER HER FAULT. Any form of assault/abuse is zero tolerance.

We travel throughout the United States to train, speak, and give presentations to gals in school, ages 5-23 through our division, Project Safe Girls; not in school, ages 19-65, Seniors as well as females with disabilities. We are not stationery - we go where we are needed (everywhere).

Stir up the waters of faith.

I'm sure using the word Hell in my opening statement is not politically correct and neither is my next paragraph. It's my rock and it grew out of the storms I survived. So, what is Hell? Hell is darkness. Hell is the absence of light. Hell is a violent man. He can be like a land mine or a IED. Ya never know when he will explode. For me, Hell is also it's being separated from God. He has the ultimate plan for life. I have been driven to my knees and sought his guidance. Shelly is a praying soldier. I know there are those laying in wait to bash my belief in The Most High, ready and willing to point out my short comings, however I can't deny His role in teaching me who I am, and most importantly in keeping me safe. I've often heard the expression there are no Athiest in fox holes when bombs and bullets fly.


When the Heat is on.

If your knowledge has been butchered tell yourself daily, Domestic Violence is lethal. Don't pay the ultimate price with your life or the life of your children. The first fatal mistake in safety is the belief that "It won't happen to me." Don't put your faith in your feelings. Read sentance # 2 again, 94%  die in their homes.

Never give up your power. Your goal is to win. I like the saying "Chose to live for something rather than die for nothing". Alexis has a wealth of wisdom when it comes  to victims. She has pledged to leave no victim behind through her organization, Survivors in Action. She said to me,"Too many think there is a bulletproof way to survive, and, unfortunately, there is not.You are worth it. - most of the women I speak with who are victims of rape, stalking or domestic violence share one common attribute and that is we are all struggling with loving ourselves and self-esteem. I often say you are worth it when speaking with victims who are struggling with speaking out or having a difficult time overcoming - i say you are worth it-  The first time Alexis and I spoke on the phone, she said those exact words to me more than once. She turned my I am not into I am.

Safety is all about strategy. How are you going to protect yourself? First report all abuse to officials, therapist, minister or police. Records and paper trails of abuse are important. The other day I tested my mace and it ran down the side of the dispenser. And you know I did it, touch my nose! I knew better, just wasn't thinking. Today I heard of a more effective source of mace. Wasp Spray. It's going to spray at least 3 ft. If you are still living in abuse, pick it up at the grocery store and lose the receipt by accident. You should have a can under your car seat, several cans in your home, and one at work. If you are in true danger of your abuser, aim for his face and run like hell to the police station. Call 911 for him, cause he's gonna need treatment. You have every right to defend your life.

Katrina said, "Girl go to the tackle store and buy a flare gun." They cost about 30 dollars and will be worth it should you need the element of surprise.

I'd rather use the wasp spray. I have a gun permit, but I know that once I lay my hand on my gun it's going off without hesitation. If you can't say the same, don't entertain the idea of a gun. I don't want to use that option, but I can and will. Every year in the United States, 1,000 to 1,600 women die at the hands of their male partners, often after a long, escalating pattern of battering.

In reality, only a very small percent of victims kill their abusers to end the violence.  Most suffer in silence or are unable to leave the relationship.  Several studies have attempted to learn why a small percent of battered women resort to homicide.  These studies have found that battered women who kill in self-defense:

• suffer frequent and severe abuse
• are victims of often brutal sexual assault
• are frequently threatened with death, especially if they attempt to leave
• are caught and beaten if they leave the abuser
• suffer severe psychological abuse, such as being beaten in front of others or being forced to watch the batterer kill a pet
• are socially isolated and often imprisoned in their homes

If you can identify with any of the above situations, he's not worth killing. He's not worth your time either. I believe what comes around goes around. I've seen it happen too many times in my life. It often happens when you least think about it.

The ultimate goal of this battle is to live. If you lack money, here is one temporary idea. Start cleaning out the junk. Tell him you are having a yard sale to buy something that will please him. Make signs and advertise. Then take a good look at the things in your home. The lamp, are you worth more than the lamp? The rug, Has he walked all over you like the rug? The dishes. When did they become projectiles? All that stuff, the material stuff, can never add up to the sum of your life. Now, not in his defense but in the belief that what comes around goes around,  don't go selling his fishing stuff or his play station, but I say the shotguns are fair game. I think hand guns are illegal to sell. Fill the tank with gas the night before the sale. When he leaves for work have the biggest yard sale ever. Have a friend manage the sale while you pack your car of the small sentimental tokens. Sell everything you can until around 2pm then leave the rest in the yard, make a quick stop at the police station and give them his hand guns. Tell them you are taking back your control from abuse and run like hell. Leave town, don't go to a friends house, don't go to family. Best keep them out of danger. Find your soldier friends and fight. There are good organizations out there willing to help you with housing and the divorce. There are advocates that will go to court with you. 


With that I leave you with a story. Remember he is the ultimate liar, a deceiver who only wants to destroy you.


 Don't let this be your story. 


Her name was Virginia and she called a hotline looking for shelter. She was quickly screened and promised two beds: one for her and one for her 15 year old daughter. She told the advocate that she would be there right after work. She would pick up her daughter from school and be right there. Although the writing had been on the wall for a while, Dean, her husband of 16 years had refused a divorce or separation. He had said more than once, “If I can’t have you nobody can.” It had been said as a promise, as a dare and as matter of fact-ly as pass the cornbread. It stopped having its impact. So, Virginia had enough of all of it. All of it. She was ready.

Five o’clock came and went. Five thirty. Six o’clock. Then, the eleven o’clock news.

At about 3:30 Dean called to admit his defeat. He said he knew Virginia was unhappy and had been for a long time. He was sorry he had caused her so much pain. He never meant to hurt her. As a peace offering, he was willing to give her what she wanted. He wouldn’t cause her any more grief. He would leave the house and let her come get her things. She could take whatever she wanted. He would sign any papers, but wanted to keep the house because it was inherited from his parents. It was just what Virginia hoped would happen.

So, Virginia picked up her daughter and got a few empty boxes and went to get her things. She made it out of the car and a few steps before the shotgun blast pierced the air and ended her life. Within seconds, the 15 year old fell dead next to her mother.

Fish Steady my friends. karen

HALLOWEEN IS SCARIER THAN EVER

SEXUALIZING OUR DAUGHTERS--

DOES MONEY TRUMP SOCIAL & PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE?

By Michelle Simonsen

In the 2004 teen movie, “Mean Girls”, Lindsay Lohan’s character describes Halloween as the time of the year “where any girl can dress like a total slut and no one can say anything.”

Words of wisdom from Lindsay Lohan?

Early this fall I received a child’s Halloween costume catalog in the mail. Plastered on every other page were little girls dressed in provocative costumes. I’d seen outfits like this, but they were made for adults, not children. I was completely shocked. Do parents ACTUALLY buy this stuff for their kids? Is anyone seriously stupid enough to let their daughter parade around like that?

I’m no prude— and don’t tell me that pedophilia is the “new” sexual fetish and that I should accept how our world is today. I knew without having to think that those little girls’ costumes were sick and wrong. It brought me back to how disgusted I felt when I saw pictures of Jon Benet Ramsey. And I remember most of the country was outraged as well.

Where is the outrage now?

THE BLAME GAME—MEDIA, ADVERTISING, MARKETING OR PARENTING?

“Sorry, don’t take offense…it’s just business…”

Businesses are formed for the sole purpose of making a profit. Do you remember the famous quote from the movie “Wall Street” where Michael Douglas proclaimed, “Greed is good”? Yuppies may be a thing of the past, but business practices have stayed the same, some for the worse.

A business is designed to cater to consumer needs. By providing a product that will guarantee a sale and profit, many businesses are guilty of stooping to despicable levels in order to sell that product, no matter how wrong or harmful. As long as they make money--“that’s the bottom line.”

In today’s business world, people will sell their souls for $50 million, plus a mansion, boat, and three mistresses. It’s the “new style” of business right along the lines of certain Enron executives and Bernie Madoff.

The media, advertisers and marketers act as the fuel that fires this kind of consumerism. And folks, some of you are drinking up that propaganda like a “biggie-sized” cup of kool-aid.

After I received that Halloween costume catalog, I wrote an article outraged that Halloween is a way to cash in for some companies by making and selling costumes that sexualize little girls. A woman who read my post was just as incensed as I was, and took advantage of the company’s email I provided.

By reading the company’s “customer service” response alone you would think that no one out there cares—that we should mind our own business, and “different strokes for different folks”. Get over it.

I hope that his “view” is not the majority. I’m hoping he’s just a really good employee doing his job by defending the company that pays his mortgage. I’m hoping his rudeness comes out of exasperation of having to reply to mounting complaints.

I could be wrong. He might just be a desensitized scumbag all by himself.

http://michellesaysso.blogspot.com/2009/08/dressing-little-girls-like-sluts-for.html

ConstumeExpress.com

5915 S. Mooreland Rd.

New Berlin, WI 53151

Dear Terri,



While we value all our customer's opinions, I must elaborate on the idea of equality. Not everyone shares your opinions, many of our customers find the costumes we sell to be cute and more than acceptable for their children. You no more have the right to tell these people what to buy or allow their children to wear than they would you for yours. We provide a wide range of product choices for a wide audience of customer. Our goal is to ensure that all of our costumes have options when it comes to product choice.

Sincerely,



Josh


Customer Service


www.CelebrateExpress.com

STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSE'S MOUTH

I was sick of hearing things from an adult point of view. I wanted to talk directly to a young girl and listen to what she had to say. I wanted to hear her “truth” about what is really going on with kids today; and how she felt about the companies who sell inappropriate clothing to girls her age.

Would she be just another typical pre-teen following the crowd? Do all the images from television, magazines and movies really shape her thoughts and beliefs?

I was pleasantly surprised when I spoke to “Katherine”, a 7th grader from Indianapolis. I am 36. She is 12. We spoke as if we were the same age. This young girl actually has more common sense and intelligence than some adults.

Compared to most girls her age, she is incredibly mature, savvy and grounded. She is more interested in track and tennis, writing in her journal, hanging out with her girlfriends, reading, listening to music, and the world around her. She likes Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, and looks up to Hillary Clinton. “I like Hillary Clinton because she ran for president and she didn’t care what people thought about her.”

She is happy with her body image, but notes that other girls her age are not of the same attitude. A beautiful girl with brains to boot!

I showed her the pictures from the Halloween catalog and she expressed her disapproval and found them “absolutely inappropriate.” She told me about the other girls from her middle school and how things have changed over the last couple of years. Some girls who used to be her friends have turned into what her and her friends call “slocks”…a combination of a jock and a slut.

“From 6th to 7th grade there has been a major change in some of the girls in my school. At cheer practice some girls wear shorts that barely cover their butt. I’ve been noticing a lot of girls that will wear low v-neck T-shirts with a bright bra underneath…so you can see right through it.” She continued, “There is no dress code at my school, so many of the girls will wear see-through tank tops with black padded bras their mom’s bought them from Victoria Secret.”

If I remember correctly, my mom bought my clothes at that age, and it wasn’t from Victoria Secret.

“Katherine” told me about a girl in her school that has her belly button pierced. She is only 13. I asked her how this girl could get a piercing without parental consent? She stated, “Her mom is a hairdresser, so she pierced it for her.”

"Katherine" does not look up to anyone in the media, and specifically mentioned her contempt for the show, “The Girls Next Door”. She even fell off the addictive media/marketing bandwagon for Disney teen queen, Hannah Montana.

“I used to like Hannah Montana…when Miley was 14 she wore appropriate clothes and now Hannah Montana is wearing strapless dresses that barely cover her butt and tiny leggings that go to fingertip length just so she looks like she’s wearing appropriate clothes, but she’s not!”

ADVERTISING & MARKETING = AN EVIL POISON?

In the book Packaging Girlhood: Rescuing Our Daughters From Marketing Schemes, authors Lyn Mikel Brown, Ed.D., and Sharon Lamb, Ed.D., note that the industry used to push cereal and toys to this age group but that today, this has changed. “…The marketers’ goal above and beyond everything else is to get kids to part with their money. So parents of preteen should ‘be aware of the ways marketers, through the media, are channeling their daughters’ desires…not only are they encouraging girls to be older (sexier, hotter) at younger ages, but they’re introducing girls to a very narrow image of what it means to be a girl.” (Cite)

“Katherine” told me, “It’s hard to buy regular clothes because most stores sell outfits you aren’t even allowed to wear at school.”

This book reiterates Katherine’s problem. “In many retail stores you’ll find things such as tight hip-huggers for five-year olds; faux black-leather jackets for second-graders; low-rise flared jeans for middle-schoolers; and thongs, camisoles and lace panties for preteens. And you’ll even find little girls’ dolls wearing these same fashion items. “

In the article, “So Sexy, So Soon: The Sexualization of Childhood in Commercial Culture” it states, “According to the American Psychological Association, in their Report of the APA Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls, girls as young as 4 and 5 years old are no longer wearing “old-fashioned” clothing styles but are now wearing push up bras, thongs, mini or micro-mini skirts, sequined crop tops and other hooker-style “fashionable” outfits.”

The Association also reported “fashion trends in clothing for boys depict disrespectful, violent themes with sayings on T-shirts such as, “Mr. Pimp”, “Mr. Well Hung” and similar disgusting messages.” (Cite)

DARE TO BLAME FEMINISTS!?

“Population Research Institute” published an article in March 2007 entitled, “Feminism, Consumerism & the Sexualization of Girls” in which the author and Vice President of The Population Research Institute, Joseph A. D’Agostino stated that it is the fault of feminists that there is a problem.

D’Agostino argues, “The politically correct view is that the sexualization of girls and feminism are opposing forces, but in fact they have gone hand-in-hand.”

He continues, “Feminists have taught girls and women that chastity is oppressive, that they should liberate themselves. They have also taught that there are no natural limits to sexuality. Witness their enthusiastic embrace of homosexuality. So, based on feminist principles, why shouldn’t little girls sexualize themselves?”

I have a huge problem with this author’s weak argument claiming feminists have taught girls that they should “liberate themselves”. Throughout feminist history, pressure was placed on the government and society to accept women as equals in the world and work-place. There was no mention that feminism encouraged the sexualization of women or girls.

I believe this author has mistaken true feminists with women who believed in “free love”, were “experimental hippies” of the 60’s, or those who participated in the 70’s and 80's sexual excess. Note: These individuals were all adults, not children.

“NOW”—The National Organization of Women, was founded in 1966 with its main focus placed on discrimination in the workplace proclaiming, “…NOW is a public voice for equal rights for women. It has been extremely effective in enacting rhetorical strategies that have brought about concrete changes in laws and policies that enlarge women’s opportunities and protect their rights.” (Cite)

I don’t read anything about the act of sex, or women’s sexuality in that mission statement, do you?

If this author would have done some research before blasting Gloria Steinem he should have read her biography, and then he would have known that it was Steinem who in 1963 wrote a groundbreaking investigative report of how the women of Playboy were treated. Steinem has also “been a vehement critic of pornography, which she distinguishes from erotica:

"Erotica is different from pornography as love is from rape, as dignity is from humiliation, as partnership is from slavery, as pleasure is from pain.” Steinem also argues, “Blatant or subtle, pornography involves no equal power or mutuality. In fact, much of the tension and drama comes from the clear idea that one person is dominating the other.” (Cite)

Without citing this source, D’Agostino claims, “Up to 40% rape allegations are completely bogus. There are just as many morally reprehensible women out there as men…they have a degraded mentality.” (Cite)

PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY

What is the difference between the parents of yesterday and the parents of today?

“Parents think it’s clever or “cute” to allow their young girls to wear tight T-shirts that say, “So many boys, so little time”, or smiling as their young daughter sings, “Dont’cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?”, but they won’t be so amused when their child becomes sexually active or pregnant by the time they turn 12.” (Cite)

There are plenty of parents that don’t even see their kids off to school, let alone see what they are wearing. Why were parents more involved and protective of their children in past decades than they are now?

I’m not suggesting that every parent is of this nature, but it is obvious that plenty are.

Dressing up and trying to be sexy is not a new phenomenon. In the old days, some girls wore skimpy clothes underneath their school clothes so their parents wouldn’t see what they were wearing when they walked out the door.

“Katherine” expressed that she feels parents today don’t take enough active interest their children. “Some parents really don’t care what their kids do. Like my ex-boyfriend went over to his girlfriend’s house and he didn’t get home until midnight. I know her mom wasn’t home…I was like, ‘what were they doing over there?’”

She also stated, “Some moms…I hate to say are the skanky type, but they are. They are thinking, ‘I didn’t get to live this way, so you should’. I think some moms live vicariously through their daughters. My mom used to…and I was like “Mom! I don’t like that!” I’ve started to stand up to my mom, but I’m scared of what she’ll think of me. I don’t want her to think I’m trying to run against her, like I don’t love her anymore.”

BOTTOM LINE

Parents: Your child does not own you. You are there as a teacher of life, not a friend. Are we as parents too afraid to do our jobs by giving in and purchasing or allowing whatever your child wants just so you don’t have to participate or be bothered?

It’s not ok.

Educate yourself about the consequences of dangerous consumerism and use that knowledge to protect your child. Educate fellow parents. Don’t go with the pack and allow these atrocities. Stand up, say something. You’d be surprised how many would be right behind you because they are too weak, naïve, cowardly, or apathetic to make the first move.

It only takes one person to start the locomotion. Notice how long that train gets when we are together for the greater good? Kill the apathy this country consumes by getting opinionated and vocal. You don’t have to quit your job and start a non-profit organization to make your point. As an individual, communicate. Educate. Elicit awareness.

We can’t accept and believe that society will thrive and maintain itself if we continue to turn a blind eye to long term social and psychological abuse towards our children. A downfall of civilization doesn’t happen with one rock falling; rather, it’s the hundreds of other rocks that chip away at our “American Foundation”.

Without the dollars and demand, these companies wouldn’t produce and market these clothes.

So I ask, who is to blame? If you answered “parents”, then you get a gold star. Congratulations. Now stand up and do something about it.

Michelle Simonsen is a victim's rights advocate, crime analyst and blogger for "Michelle Says So", founder of the grassroots consumer boycott, "Boycott Aruba--Justice for Natalee Holloway", an advisory board member of "Survivors in Action", and is a contributing writer for "Now Public", and "True Crime Talk".

You are the Fulfillment of Vision

By Pamela Chapman

In the beginning God—He who is all knowing, all powerful and every place at every time, He who is Spirit and Truth, said, “let us make man in our image and our likeness. [Let us see them who are already in my plan and already part of my awesome purpose.]”

In that climatic moment, we became the manifestation, the expression, and the materialization of His vision—He saw. You are the fulfillment of His magnificent vision. Yes You, through your errors, your setbacks, your difficulties, your disappointments, and even your victimizations.

Often times, we cannot understand the river on which our lives flow. Could God have orchestrated all the tragedy for our lives? I’m one of those who believes that it’s all in His plan—the good and the bad. I believe nothing is for naught. All of our life experiences can bring us into something amazingly beautiful. Because of my life experience, I personally, can reach out to encourage and bring healing to victims of abuse.

I’ve lived it. I’ve come through it.

As a child, I experienced childhood abuse which produced low-self esteem. This followed me throughout most of my life. In turn, I walked into more situations which victimized me. My relationships with men were twisted and strangely enough I even found abusive bosses and abusive friendships. I lost my dream and my vision until one day, on the brink of a nervous break down, I realized I was created in the likeness of my all powerful Maker. I learned I could dream again, I could speak my dream in faith, and I could see its manifestation. I learned the power was within me.

May I encourage you to dream again and have a clear vision, today? That is, to have a vision of whom you really are in God, a vision of what you want to accomplish, and a clear vision of whom or what you really want. You may be thinking, “I’m a grown adult, it’s too late for me.” Absurd! As long as you have breath, it’s not too late.

You are beautifully and wonderfully made, see that and say it. You are the apple of God’s eye, see that and say it. You are His awesomeness of wonder, see that and say it. Through you life is created, see that and say it. You are incredibly powerful and amazingly strong, see that and say it. You are encompassed in love, see that and say it!

As you dream again, as you clearly see, you will begin to talk, walk and Be the vision. You will say, you will see, and you will become your purpose, your passion, the personification and the vision God had for you before the foundations of the earth.

Be encouraged today. Be healed.

In love and light,

Pamela