A False Sense of Safety

By Susan Murphy Milano

There nothing more liberating in violent and controlling relationships for a victim to have a plan in place, and once ready, knowing freedom is just around the corner. With each step taken over a period of months and sometimes years, a victim begins to gain more strength and courage to succeed in leaving.

Often, friends and family are important to the success of a victim leaving the violence. This is where a victim must take extra measures to ensure their safety. Going alone to met any individual who has been controlling and used violence during the relationship in the past can be a death sentence.

As an example, one year ago today, police cadet Kelly Rothwell, 35 had a false sense of security in the belief that her then boyfriend David Perry would allow her to amicably end their 3 year relationship. David Perry, as the majority of dangerous offenders, wasn't going to allow Kelly to leave on her terms, only his. She simply wanted out. After months of stalking, threatening and physical violence by Perry, she'd found the courage to say enough! Training at the academy to become a police officer gave Kelly the confidence to confront David Perry and, if need be, defend herself. Just one month short of graduation, Kelly had secured a new place to live and she had the support from her close knit circle of friends.

During a late lunch at a near-by restaurant with her friend, Donna, she went over her plan one last time. After lunch she hugged her friend and went alone to the condo she shared with David Perry to inform him she was moving out.

As so many women do in cases of intimate partner violence leading to a missing person's or homicide case, Kelly had a false sense of her safety, and David Perry, similar to having the scent of a trained dog, already knew what Kelly was planning. He was ready for her. But she was not prepared for him.

Kelly Rothwell fell into the same trap by her abuser as other missing women and mothers across the country everyday. Jacque Waller went alone to meet her estranged husband to pick up her son on June 1, 2011, she too, thought because it was someone she knew, Clay Waller, she'd be safe. Amanda Jones, ready to give birth any day informed her family she was meeting Bryan Westfall on August 14, 2005 ,in a public parking lot to discuss child support and visitation issues, again, Amanda had a false sense of safety. In each case, the offenders immediately hired attorneys to represent them, and subsequently each family enlisted the services of missing persons agency The CUE Center a national organization searching and recovering loved ones since 1994.

To date, none of these men, Waller, Perry or Westfall have been formally charged with murder, instead they are labeled by law enforcement as prime suspect, person of interest, and other terminology that amounts to nothing other than a weak-kneed label, a C.Y.A. term, instead of saying they each are cold stone targets of the investigation.

A tragic example in getting away with murder is Shon Pernice. A few weeks ago, just six days before Shon Pernice would stand trial for the murder of his still missing wife Renee Pernice who vanished into thin air on January 1, 2009, was offered a plea deal. He too, immediately lawyered up, claiming he had no idea where his wife, who was in the midst of filing for divorce, had gone. Like a bad magic act, Pernice's memory returns and he suddenly says "Renee fell. It was an accident. He disposed of her body in the trash." By pleading voluntary manslaughter Pernice will be sentenced to somewhere between a 5 year minimum to 15 years maximum. So our justice system, the only one we have, rewards a murderer for crime to be released into a community near you, with time off for good behavior sometime in the not too distant future. Now there's a comforting thought!

If your sister, co-worker, friend, daughter or mother is going to end the relationship, they need to document the abuse on an affidavit and video prior to leaving or have the dog of the offender smell the change in the relationship. Once the dog gets a whiff or scent their prey is leaving, you may never seen that person, again.

Go to Document The Abuse site and know what to do to be prepared. A false sense of security is what every victim experiences when they taste freedom. We can't ask Kelly Rothwell, Renee Pernice, Jacque Waller, Amanda Jones or the thousands of others who lost the battle in the war of intimate partner violence and homicide, but, we can stop others from meeting the same fate!

This year’s 8th annual conference, “In Support of the Journey” is slated for March 22-25 in Wilmington, NC and registration is available on the CUE Center website: CLICK HERE for complete details on classes, speakers and registration.


Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host onCrime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writes providing commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime.

The (In)Justice System

By Neil Schori

Just a few weeks ago, an appellate court in Illinois made a dangerous ruling. They decided that most of the "so-called" hearsay evidence against former police sergeant Drew Peterson would not be admissible in his upcoming murder trial. Some people felt as though this was a victory for Joe and Jane Citizen. I would agree if this were normal hearsay. But this is not normal hearsay.

The judge in this case ruled that it was likely that Drew Peterson caused his wife, Stacy, to disappear so that she would be unable to testify against him for the murder of his third wife, Kathleen Savio. This is certainly not normal hearsay, which should not and would not ever make it into a courtroom. But there is a problem here. Rulings like these will do nothing but hurt women in cases of domestic violence. Why? Because their abusers will become emboldened. They will actually be motivated to do more harm to those few who know of their horrible violent tendencies. Why? Because if they kill the ones that know the truth, then everything else can be labeled "hearsay," which we all know is not admissible in court.

So what is the solution? I think that we might take a three-tiered approach:

1. Educate women~ If you saw someone drowning, would you stop and help? Of course you would! If you were a lifeguard, you'd certainly jump in and skillfully rescue them. I want to see more and more lifeguards. What does that look like in the arena of domestic violence? It teaches abused women that they need to immediately seek out a trusted friend to complete an EAA (Evidentiary Affidavit of Abuse). The EAA is an absolutely groundbreaking and game-changer for abused women. It was created by my friend, Susan Murphy-Milano, a true hero to victims of abuse. Susan created this tool in response to the senseless arguments that we've witnessed in the Peterson case. It acts to establish a foundation of truth that is admissible in any court of law should the abuser perpetrate violence upon the victim. What does it accomplish? It eliminates silly arguments over so-called hearsay statements. It brings the truth to light and justice for abuse victims and families.

2. Enlist church leaders~ Leaders in the faith community have a lot of influence in the lives of the people they serve. I've had multiple women come to and share with me the deepest and darkest secrets of their hearts while they have been abused. I'm now educated and strategically equipped to serve abused women. I'm also actively teaching other church leaders and pastors how they, too, can join me in the battle against domestic violence. Rescuing a victim of abuse is beautiful. Shaping a culture through education is game-changing.

3. Keep stories alive~ The media is quick to jump onto sensational stories but unfortunately has a terrible lack of follow-through. Stacy Peterson and Kathleen Savio were in the news for a short time, but they still have not found justice. That is a huge problem, and WE are the solution. We live in a time where each person can have a voice. This is the era of social media and when used skillfully and strategically, we can keep these victims in the minds and hearts of our society, and may even be able to re-define what is important to the mainstream media. After all, FoxNews, CNN, and MSNBC will share what you tell them is important. Tell them that domestic violence and intimate partner homicide is important to you. More importantly, tell them the names of the women whose stories cry out for justice. Write letters, send emails and make phone calls to these news leaders, and tell them that these are the kinds of stories that matter to you. This will keep these stories alive.

This is all just a start and is most certainly not all-inclusive in approach. But if we continue to do what we've done, then we will always get what we've always gotten. Status quo is not good enough. Let's start changing a fatally flawed system!

Peace,

Neil Schori

Resolutions: How Are YOU Doing?

By Neil Schori

So we're about three weeks into this new year and new decade...and I'm wondering how you're doing with sticking to your resolutions.  The crowd at my gym is already thinning out, and I've seen many posts by friends of mine on Facebook and Twitter announcing to the cyber-world that they've already fallen off their diet-wagons.  Resolutions irritate the heck out of me!  Do you know why?  Because I've hardly ever seen anyone follow through to their goals.  They just don't work and I've been told over and over that if the way a person is doing something doesn't work, that the method must change before different results will be seen.

For some people, resolutions don't "really" matter.  And what I mean by that is that the consequences of not following-through for most resolutions are minimal.  But for abused women, our lack of follow-through has dire consequences.  Kathleen Savio may not have died if it weren't for a lack of follow-through.  Stacy Peterson may not have disappeared, either.  So we must change.  We must make a renewed commitment to these women whom are crying out for help.  Our places of worship must be islands of refuge for abused women instead of acting as the seal on a doomed fate.  Our police officers and our courts must be held accountable for abuse of power and to uphold the rights of tragically terrorized and forgotten women.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said: "He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who perpetrates it.  He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it."  Dr. King believed so much in over-turning deeply entrenched social injustice that he paid for it with his life.

So, today, I want to make my recommitment to abused women in this public forum.  This is greater than a resolution.  It is more than a whim.  It is connected straight to the very heart of God.  

If you are abused and afraid and have no place to turn, you can turn to Naperville Christian Church.  We will not betray you nor will we minimize your problems.  If you allow us the privilege, we will walk alongside you and help you see and find a better way.  We will become friends and family to you.  We will never tell you that you should just go back to your abuser or that if you were a better wife that he wouldn't have hit you.  We will listen to you and we will let you know that you have value and that you are valued.

I am fully dedicated to this cause, but I know that I am NOT enough.  If you are a pastor or leader in a faith community and you are interested in learning about how you can step up and make a difference in the lives of many women, please call me or email me.  It would be my honor to share my passion with you.  Will you join me in this struggle against domestic violence and perhaps even more importantly, for the hearts and lives of these women?

Peace,

Neil Schori
Lead Pastor, NCC
napervillechristian.org
630.983.5600
neil@napervillechristian.org

Exclusive War Coverage: The Murders of Stacy Peterson and Kathleen Savio

By Susan Murphy Milano



In March 1, 2004, there was no media coverage in the silencing of Kathleen Savio whose death was ruled "accidential."


Just blocks away from where Kathleen's body was discovered 2 1/2 years earlier, in October of 2007, another war erupted and Stacy Peterson was taken capitive again by the same predator, and serial abuser, former police Sergeant Drew Peterson.

The front page headlines would name both women in the search for the young wife and mother. Within 3 days the Will County State's Attorney's office would begin the legal process and exhume the body of Kathleen. The cases were now joined at the hip, you could not mention one woman without discussing the other. In Chicago it filled the front page headline's for months. But so did Drew Peterson's sudden thrust into the national spotlight. Within a week, Drew Peterson's was a household name and the two victims in the war of intimate partner homicide were refered and labled as wife #3 and wife #4.

Strangers, friends and family members worked tirelessly to keep the flame burning on each case, in particular because Stacy had vanished more emphasis was placed on finding her and brining her home. A site no longer available "findstacypeterson.com"with membership in the thousands, created by the family and friends of Stacy was the only place where the young wife and mother would be featured and information with updates would run 24/7. Other's sites such as Juror13 and Websleuths also carried round-the-clock coverage. The national media however would discard this young woman's life, including her conversations with Pastor Neil Schori, as though she were invisible. During this time Drew Peterson was reaching millions via Larry King Live, MSNBC, NBC Today, Good Morning America, Greta, Nancy Grace, Jane Valdez-Mitchell, CNN, Anderson Cooper, Bill O'Reilly, Geraldo, John Gibson, CBS Morning Show, Scared Monkey's Radio, NPR News, People Magazine, The National Enquirer among others. Peterson was prancing, smiling while and acting as though he had jumping beans under his chair in the studio's where he was interviewed while surrounded by the bright lights.

Within months the "catch me if you can" theme song would become Peterson's anthem. With words and lyrics compsed by the man of the hour himself. Verses in his song included "Stacy ran away, it's a bright new day, catch me if you can that's all I'm gonna say." The national media played Peterson's words like a hit record for 18 long months until he was finally arrested for the murder of Kathleen Savio.

Now, nearly 3 years after Stacy Peterson vanishes the Chicago Sun-Times decides to play his song again, only this time from behind bars while he awaits trial. Without any regard for the victims of war or their surviving family members. A jounalist by the name of Michael Sneed and the editors of the Chicago Sun-Times punish these two dead women, saying their voices and lives had no significance, printing his words in a letter authored by in my opinion, from the man whom murdered both Kathleen Savio and Stacy Peterson.

I realize the photo's from the crime scene when Kathleen Savio's body was found will likely never be released and kept under seal from the public. For three reasons:

1st-If you saw these particular photo's you would know by viewing them that she was beaten. Brusises covered her back, torso, arms, shoulders, stomach and legs. From the naked eye there was no doubt this was not an accident, Kathleen Savio was murdered.

2nd- The way her body was positioned in the tub is something commonly taught at the police academy, dipicting a staged crime scene.

3rd-Those investigators who looked away by not documenting her murder, thinking they were doing their fellow buddy in blue a favor, caused the killing of yet another innocent victim of war Stacy Peterson.

I for one would like the names of these so called investigators along with former State's Attorney Tomczak to be gathered together for a formal Senate investigation hearing for the "war on intimate partner homicide." I realize it will do nothing to give Stacy Peterson and Kathleen Savio back their lives. But it will do so much to prevent future casualities in this war. Peterson is a social and psychotic nightmare of the worst kind, and we can learn a great deal in talking, reviewing and analyzing what has and hasn't happened since the murders.

"If you are outraged by the Chicago Sun Time and their disregard for the families of Kathleen Savio and Stacy Peterson by making headlines of Drew Peterson's jailhouse letters, do your part and let them know by calling, emailing or faxing. Nothing will change unless action is taken. The columnist, Micheal Sneed and her editor, should know that by making decisions based on headlines and readership instead of integrity and ethics is one of the reasons the public fuels people like Drew Peterson."

Fax number to the Chicago Sun Times is 312-321-3084

Michael Sneeds direct email address is : msneed@suntimes.com

Andrew Hermann, Managing Editor 312-321-3000

Zach Finken, News Editor 312-321-3000

Police Officer Involved Domestic Violence

By Susan Murphy Milano

“Phil had a lot to drink,” he began, his red eyes showing the depths of his emotions. “This is difficult for me to discuss the details with you but your mother was found in the kitchen on the floor—she had been shot with a .44 Magnum. The bullet exited out her right eye and onto the kitchen table.” Tom took a deep breath. “After he shot her, your father took a towel and covered her face. He was found in the bedroom and had shot himself. Susan, when was the last time you spoke with him?” For reasons foreign to me, I felt enraged at the question.


“He murdered my mother! Your “superhero” partner murdered her and you want to know when I spoke to him last? You are just as cold and heartless as he was!” I stood up knowing I wanted no part of the conversation. “Susan, wait, calm down!" Tom also stood. “I know you’re upset but there’s no reason to speak to me that way!”


I spun around to face him, a man I’d known since childhood. My face, clearly showing the contempt I was feeling at that very moment, made my father's partner, Tom Flaherty stop in his tracks.

“Bullshit!” I shouted. “All you care about is your buddy and how you can cover up his mess one more time!”

Knowing he had no defense against the spew of accusations, Chicago Detective Tom Flaherty hung his head in shame and left the residence. I stood motionless, staring at the door, wondering if I should scream or cry—or both. I was in shock. My ultimate fears realized, I felt a sense of relief when the police Chaplin returned to speak with me.

“They are preparing to transport the bodies to the morgue,” he said in almost a whisper. “Someone from the police department will call you in the morning to assist you with the funeral arrangements. Susan, is there anything I can do for you?”


In 1989, officer involved homicide was covered up; considered a black mark against a police department. More then 20 years later, after the murder-suicide of my parents, Roberta and Phillip Murphy, nothing has changed. Police Departments release few details, if any, when a wife of a police officer calls 911 emergency assistance because her husband or significant other is abusing and threatening her very existance.


Once the media learn the person responsible for the crime was in law enforcement, the truth of how many calls a victim made for help, what supervior in the police unit she contacted, or how often officers responded to a call that ultimately lead up to the tragedy, is turned inside out by police departments like a badly stained pair of dirty underwear.

Instead of reporting the facts in these cases, we read stories of victim finger pointing or glorified obituaries on how a "veteran decorated officer" served their community with honor and courage.
Kathleen Savio Calls Out For Help

Kathleen Savio's case is but one of thousand's across the country where responding officers failed, protecting the abusive cop instead of the crime victim. If there was ever a case that screamed murder behind the badge, it is Kathleen Savio and, in my opinion, wife number 4, Stacy Peterson.


In 2007, Good Morning America did a story on cops protecting their own as it relates to the Drew Peterson case. The question was posted on private police officer message board sites across the country. Here's what Officers in other states said on these "Officer Only" discussions as it relates to this case:

Question was--WORLD MEDIA ASKING: DID FELLOW COPS 'PROTECT' DREW PETERSON?:

Officer Comment: I think 18 calls in two years, someone should have seen a pattern. As a patrol deputy I would have. No such thing as professional courtesy when it comes to assaulting a women.

Officer Comment: SOMEBODY HELPED SOMEBODY HERE AND IT MAY HAVE FACILITATED A MURDER. LOTS OF SOUL SEARCHING HERE AND RE-THINKING POLICY INVOLING COPS AND DV.

One of the only sites that cover crimes officers commit in their homes, behind closed doors, is Behind the Blue Wall. The site brings awareness and asks important questions lifting the veil of silence to the growing criminal activity of police officer domestic violence.

Late last year I was invited to speak at a forum on violence and prevention for victims and their families. I asked that the details of my persoinal background be omitted from the hand-out materials. There was a cocktail reception the night before and I had the opportunity to talk and meet with many of the judges and law enforcement planning on attending my presentation in the morning. I was welcomed with open arms when I mentioned that I was "a police officer's daughter out of Chicago and my remarks would be directed at general officer response, documentation and prearing a case for prosecution." For a moment I was accepted into their world.

The following morning the warm fuzzy feeling would change. Before speaking, a button was pressed and a brief video was played. For that next hour, I had everyone's attention as they sat in their seats. Most were unable to make eye contact with me. Why? For sixty minutes, although it was not enough time, I was able to include in the presentation police officer intimate violence.

The Wives and girlfriends in a relationship with a sworn law enforcement officer have no place to turn for help. And when the media falls prey to the tactics of a slick police department because they are too lazy to do the leg work to establish the truth, they enable the interruption of justice.

Train Wreck

By Susan Murphy Milano

“Someday maybe there will exist a well-informed, well considered and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child’s spirit

-Erik H. Erikson

Anyone who believes that children are not affected by violence in the home is very mistaken.

There is nothing, absolutely nothing more terrifying than hearing your parents scream at each other in anger.

And that terror is magnified tenfold when you see your father, whom you love, beating, knocking, bashing, and kicking the mother you adore.
As a child, you want to make it stop; after rushing to your mother’s aid and getting knocked across the room yourself a few times, you learn to run away from the mayhem rather than toward it. Your feelings become confused, swirling between the fear of being hurt yourself and even worse, dread that your mother will be killed if you don’t make him stop. In the mind of a child they feel responsible for the destruction. “If I cannot make it stop then it must be my fault.”

The first time you experience it, the horror is unimaginable. Your whole warm, safe, comfortable world is exploding in front of your eyes. How can this be? Why is this happening?

The Peterson Children
This made me think of Chris and Thomas Peterson, the boys of Kathleen Savio . Her body was discovered “dead” shortly after ending a violent marriage, in a bathtub in 2004. Their father former police Sgt. Drew Peterson was arrested for her murder and he is currently being held in an Illinois jail until the trial.

Their lives are literally a train wreck. Not once, but twice. After Kathleen's death their father was quick to marry a girl close enough in age to be the boy’s sister. There was no time to process and grieve for their mother and it is likely their father, a stern task master, whom set the tone for what would and won’t be tolerated with their new step-mom Stacy Peterson. Imagine your mother dies and as a child you are commanded by someone whom you likely fear to "suck it up" and move on. The only difference in this abusive household the boys have experienced a triple dose of what I term "roller coaster hell" in an environment deeply rooted in power, control and violence.

The boys are young enough to bond with step-mom Stacy and old enough to have experienced loss, uncertainty, fear and tragedy. Stacy takes on the task of immediate motherhood with Kathleen's boys. She goes that extra mile preparing their favorite meals, being there when they come home from school to tucking them in each night. Slowly the boys begin to trust Stacy and after about a year as a family things settle down a bit. Although Stacy gives birth to a boy and a girl during the marriage she is always conscious of the boys and their feelings working overtime to build a solid foundation for Kathleen's boys Chris and Thomas.
Suddenly, the bright light in the Peterson home is once again burned out when Stacy Peterson vanishes.

Do these children re-live and witness the same horrors as when their mother was alive as the household begins to crumble? The answer is yes.

The boys have now experienced two life devastating train wrecks within a 5 year time period. During the following months the tension is so thick in the Peterson houselhold you could cut it with a knife. Their home is invaded by the media. Police presence both in and outside the home is omnipresent. Everyone in the country soon knows the name Peterson and its' association with something evil, violent and tragic.

The third train wreck happens when Drew Peterson is arrested. The boys are devastated. Regardless of what we may think of Peterson these young men only know him as their loving father. And after his arrest the boys are sent to live with relatives.

I hope and pray in the years ahead Chris and Thomas Peterson have the opportunity to experience joy, love, hope and most of all peace.