Actress Jennifer Hudson Under the Bright Lights of Life

Julian King, Age 7

In Chicago yesterday jury selection began for William Balfour. He's standing trial for the October 24, 2008 murders of Darnell Donerson, 57, Jason Hudson, 29 and Julian King, 7.

Balfour was the estranged husband of Julia Hudson who had threatened her just days prior to making good on his promise because she was ending the relationship. He does the unthinkable after murdering Darnell and Jason, taking Julian who likely witnessed the murders of his grandma and uncle Balfour takes the keys steels an SUV belonging to Jason Hudson and the child's bullet ridden body is discovered three days later in Chicago's West Side Englewood neighborhood.

When neighbors were interviewed and an Amber alert was in effect for Julian, they reported hearing shots fired but no one reported the bang, bang sounds because in this neighborhood the sounds of gunfire are commonplace.

At the very core of these murders stands a daughter, sister and aunt whom in one day, lost her entire world to one man's anger and rage. Yes, intimate partner violence and homicide strikes and erase's lives of families from every social economic level of our society. But when it affects someone famous the world automatically puts on a different pair of rose colored glasses.

Jennifer Hudson's star would rise and fall all in a matter of months. Her rise to the national spotlight on American Idol followed by a nomination and Oscar for her performance in the movie "Dreamgirls," to the fall of her only bright star in her life, her mother Darnell, Jennifer's entire world.

That is what intimate partner homicide does it hijacks those left behind to pick-up the pieces of their lives. Forever, a survivor is changed, their entire world as they once knew it, gone. It affects generations. The following year on August 11, 2009, Jennifer gave birth to a baby boy. Her child will never know the warmth and love of his grandmother, uncle Jason or cousin Julia. This was not some isolated incident, but a planned out execution.

As the trial makes national headlines how about we provide information on those currently living in fear for their lives. How about we direct those in violent relationships to create a plan that includes information at the document the abuse site where victims are directed to create the evidentiary abuse affidavit. They too, are someone's bright star who deserve to end a relationship with their lives!

Time's Up!

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.

A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals, victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host onCrime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writes providing commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime. And the author of the upcoming book "Holding My Hand Through Hell."

A False Sense of Safety

By Susan Murphy Milano

There nothing more liberating in violent and controlling relationships for a victim to have a plan in place, and once ready, knowing freedom is just around the corner. With each step taken over a period of months and sometimes years, a victim begins to gain more strength and courage to succeed in leaving.

Often, friends and family are important to the success of a victim leaving the violence. This is where a victim must take extra measures to ensure their safety. Going alone to met any individual who has been controlling and used violence during the relationship in the past can be a death sentence.

As an example, one year ago today, police cadet Kelly Rothwell, 35 had a false sense of security in the belief that her then boyfriend David Perry would allow her to amicably end their 3 year relationship. David Perry, as the majority of dangerous offenders, wasn't going to allow Kelly to leave on her terms, only his. She simply wanted out. After months of stalking, threatening and physical violence by Perry, she'd found the courage to say enough! Training at the academy to become a police officer gave Kelly the confidence to confront David Perry and, if need be, defend herself. Just one month short of graduation, Kelly had secured a new place to live and she had the support from her close knit circle of friends.

During a late lunch at a near-by restaurant with her friend, Donna, she went over her plan one last time. After lunch she hugged her friend and went alone to the condo she shared with David Perry to inform him she was moving out.

As so many women do in cases of intimate partner violence leading to a missing person's or homicide case, Kelly had a false sense of her safety, and David Perry, similar to having the scent of a trained dog, already knew what Kelly was planning. He was ready for her. But she was not prepared for him.

Kelly Rothwell fell into the same trap by her abuser as other missing women and mothers across the country everyday. Jacque Waller went alone to meet her estranged husband to pick up her son on June 1, 2011, she too, thought because it was someone she knew, Clay Waller, she'd be safe. Amanda Jones, ready to give birth any day informed her family she was meeting Bryan Westfall on August 14, 2005 ,in a public parking lot to discuss child support and visitation issues, again, Amanda had a false sense of safety. In each case, the offenders immediately hired attorneys to represent them, and subsequently each family enlisted the services of missing persons agency The CUE Center a national organization searching and recovering loved ones since 1994.

To date, none of these men, Waller, Perry or Westfall have been formally charged with murder, instead they are labeled by law enforcement as prime suspect, person of interest, and other terminology that amounts to nothing other than a weak-kneed label, a C.Y.A. term, instead of saying they each are cold stone targets of the investigation.

A tragic example in getting away with murder is Shon Pernice. A few weeks ago, just six days before Shon Pernice would stand trial for the murder of his still missing wife Renee Pernice who vanished into thin air on January 1, 2009, was offered a plea deal. He too, immediately lawyered up, claiming he had no idea where his wife, who was in the midst of filing for divorce, had gone. Like a bad magic act, Pernice's memory returns and he suddenly says "Renee fell. It was an accident. He disposed of her body in the trash." By pleading voluntary manslaughter Pernice will be sentenced to somewhere between a 5 year minimum to 15 years maximum. So our justice system, the only one we have, rewards a murderer for crime to be released into a community near you, with time off for good behavior sometime in the not too distant future. Now there's a comforting thought!

If your sister, co-worker, friend, daughter or mother is going to end the relationship, they need to document the abuse on an affidavit and video prior to leaving or have the dog of the offender smell the change in the relationship. Once the dog gets a whiff or scent their prey is leaving, you may never seen that person, again.

Go to Document The Abuse site and know what to do to be prepared. A false sense of security is what every victim experiences when they taste freedom. We can't ask Kelly Rothwell, Renee Pernice, Jacque Waller, Amanda Jones or the thousands of others who lost the battle in the war of intimate partner violence and homicide, but, we can stop others from meeting the same fate!

This year’s 8th annual conference, “In Support of the Journey” is slated for March 22-25 in Wilmington, NC and registration is available on the CUE Center website: CLICK HERE for complete details on classes, speakers and registration.


Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host onCrime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writes providing commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime.

New Law: Cowboys, Indians and The Oklahoma Medical Examiner's Office

Last week the Chanda Turner Reform Act went into effect in Oklahoma. The new law is groundbreaking. It provides families whose loved ones deaths were ruled "suicides" the ability to appeal the medical examiners ruling in hopes of having the cause of death changed.

The new law is appropriately named after Chanda Turner 23, shot to death at her home on July 12, 2000. She was ending the relationship and moving on with her life minus him. Her boyfriend who has significant ties to the town from everything to erected street signs, park plaques to a relative as one the original founding town member of Pauls Valley, claimed Chanda shot herself.

Crime scene photo's would tell a different story, the truth. This includes the photo's taken of defense wounds on the shooter. But, the heavy handed political powers in town, the very people that magically appear on the original crime scene log the evening of the 12th or do not appear depending on which log you view, cover-up the truth. Just so a powerful family in my opinion can keep their son out of prison.

Sadly, no one thinks about the prison for Chanda Turner's family. They endured a nightmare for nearly a dozen years. From the day their daughter was murdered they have fought against the powers of political corruption and cowardice by their own community. Last year while in Oklahoma, I witnessed firsthand many turn their backs during my trip for the families seeking justice and those on the Justice For The Dead site created by attorney Jaye Mendros. By mid-week the tide had turned people were finally listening.

Now, with the new in place, the train to justice has pulled out of the station and is headed on track to the halls of justice.

The journey for justice is not only about a new law, but a group of people, strangers really who came together for a cause greater than themselves. The power of one family, the Turner's reaching out to others whose loved ones also lost their lives by someone else's hand. The medical examiners office(s) in the state of Oklahoma recklessly stamping death certificates as suicides when in actuality are homicides.

Make no mistake if you are a family of a suspicious death or you know in your heart that a loved one did not die by their own hand, do not give up. Fight for justice in their untimely silence. If you do not believe you can make changes to correct a corrupt or blind system, get a hold of me and I will connect you to Joe and Donna Turner!

http://www.okcfox.com/newsroom/top_stories/videos/kokh_vid_4220.shtml

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is a specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies and high risk cases and available for personal consultations through the Institute. She is also part of the team at Management Resources Limited of New York.

Susan is a contributor to Forbes : Crime, She Writes a powerhouse lineup of female true crime professionals, experts and authors providing commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective.

Susan is the author of "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,"Moving out, Moving on, and Defending Out Lives. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire.

What Would You Do?

By: Gaétane F. Borders 

Here in the state of Georgia, most kids have traded in their swimsuits for backpacks and new sneakers because it is back-to-school time. Despite this reminder that the summer has officially come to an end, I am still vacuuming sand from the carpet in my car. See, my family spent most of the summer lounging and playing on various beaches. As a non-swimmer (Yes, I know it’s pathetic), I have always been extremely…I mean über paranoid of my children swimming out of my reach in the ocean. That is why the story of Charles Ostrander immediately caught my attention.

Charles, who goes by Dale, was visiting Long Beach, Washington with a church group a few days ago. Somehow he got caught in a very strong tide. Upon hearing his cries for help, a 12-year-old girl named Nicole Kissel defied her father’s objections and immediately paddled out to Dale who struggled to stay afloat. She managed to reach him, and helped him onto her boogie board. Reportedly, the two youths paddled in an attempt to reach shore. The water was extremely rough, and Nicole remembers thinking "We're going to die. I can't die like this!”

A large wave knocked them both off. Although Nicole successfully climbed back on her board, Dale disappeared into the violent waters. Nicole eventually made it back to shore, but it took some time before rescue workers found Dale’s lifeless body about two feet below the surface of the water. CPR was immediately commenced, but Dale was lifeless. As imagined, his family braced themselves for the worst. But, his pulse returned once he reached the hospital, and a day later Dale opened his eyes. He soon uttered a few words to his family. Then, again later when Nicole visited him, he spoke. According to news reports, Nicole stated that Dale was having difficulty focusing his eyes for most of the 15-minute reunion. But as she left, he made direct eye contact for the first time and said, "Thank you."

No doubt, Dale has a long recovery ahead of him, as he was underwater and without oxygen for approximately 15 minutes. I wish him the speediest recovery, and given how he has defied the expected…he most definitely has the fighter spirit needed to do so.

Nicole’s actions were so completely selfless and heroic! She acted without hesitation because she saw that someone needed help. She can serve as an inspiration to those of us who stand in the background when we witness something that we know is wrong, or when we know that someone is in harm’s way. Here is clip from the popular TV show titled What Would You Do. This particular segment shows various scenarios in which a pedophile attempts to lure away a 10-year-old girl. Do you think all the adults present intervened and reported the attempted abduction? Watch and see…..then ask yourself “What would I do?”

P.S….. I often role play with my kids and pretend to be the “tricky adult.” But, I watched this video with them so they could see someone other than mommy or daddy being the “stranger” that tries to lure them. Their reaction was very moving to me. They were fixated on the characters that tried to harm the young girl because it made it very real to them. The discussion that we had after viewing the video was so very instructional and important. So, I strongly urge you to share this with your school-aged child. You might be surprised by their definition of the word stranger.


Gaetane




Gaétane F. Borders is President of Peas In Their Pods, and is also a certified School Psychologist who works closely with the inner-city youth and their parents. She is an advocate of children’s rights and strives to help parent achieve healthy, harmonious, and emotionally stable environments for their children. She is a sought after media consultant, and is often featured in print, radio, and television.