So Who REALLY goes missing?

         by Cynthia Caron                       

                                                             

Alzheimer's:  This disease touches many lives. Those with cognitive disorders are at risk of becoming a missing person due to confusion and becoming lost or wandering. Many of those who have gone missing have families that depend on us to help locate their missing loved one.

Developmentally Challenged
 Those who are developmentally challenged are very much at risk and we work with many families whose missing loved ones disappear who are developmentally challenged.  There is a higher rate among those who are young adolescents due to their vulnerabilities. They are always considered endangered and may qualify for a "Silver Alert", depending upon the laws set forth in their state.

Autism

  With the increasing amount of loved ones diagnosed with autism each year, an increase also occurs with those who suffer with autism who go missing.  We've noticed that many of those who have autism, and go missing, are usually children or teens.  Depending on the level of their cognitive awareness determines the probability of where we may need to focus in locating them. Those who are higher functioning may be "wandering" the streets and find themselves in situations in which they are at risk of becoming harmed and/or taken advantage by others. Some are manipulated and persuaded to leave the comforts of their homes with false promises of "love" in which they are invariably "preyed upon" and are at high risks of danger. 

Those who are at a lower level of cognitive awareness may wander from their family and are highly drawn towards water. Studies are ongoing as to why and unfortunately many that become missing for more than 48 hours are commonly located passed away in a death by water. (Lakes, streams, ponds, pools, etc.)

Special and Medical Needs

From Diabetes, epilepsy to traumatic brain injury, (Stroke or brain damage) those who have possess any of these condition "types" are also at risk of becoming a missing person due to a medical incident/accident to confusion from cognitive awareness.

Emotional Disorders  

 Commonly known previously as "mental illness."  A large number of families of missing come to us whose loved ones have battled emotional disorders and have disappeared.  Families are already very exhausted, stressed and many have spent years helping their loved family members by advocating for them and assisting them through their low emotional states. Emotional disorders is a very difficult "find" for a missing loved one because many have the intelligence capabilities that can keep them missing for a very long time. 

While they may not be plagued with a lower intelligence level, they are in fact at-risk due to their emotional disorders, which in many cases can have disastrous outcomes including self-harm and suicide.  Those who are at higher risk of becoming a missing person are loved ones who have chosen to go off their medication(s). 

Some of the most common diagnosed loved ones who go missing are those who suffer with depression, Bi-polar disorder or Schizophrenia. Many times they are young adolescents who are in the process of receiving a diagnosis but disappear prior to it being confirmed. (This is very common in those between the ages of 18-24 and are college students.)

Accidents 

Missing loved ones become missing due to numerous "accidental situations" such as off road vehicle accidents, those lost in mountains while hiking or even "freak" accidents and can become a missing statistic due to not being able to locate or find them timely. A large majority located deceased are also known to have gone missing from a public gathering in which alcohol was served.

One does not have to be intoxicated or legally drunk to suffer an accident which can be fatal. Far too often we assist families of young college age students (primarily young men) who leave a public gathering, pub or nightclub (under the influence and not legally intoxicated) only to be located deceased with a death by water. (Same common to those with cognitive disorders, above.)

LostNMissing established the campaign, and website, "Friends Don't Leave Friends Alone" [2] as the same young deaths we believe could have been avoided had the person left with someone else and did not stray off alone from their friends.

Divorce/Separation/Break-Up
 It is very unfortunate but it is known that many women, and men, who go missing and are in the process of a separation from their spouses, or boyfriend/girlfriends, may disappear and a very high rate is due to foul play and by the hands of those they were leaving. This is a very complicated missing person case as families are enduring not only the pain of their loved one missing but also in states of confusion as to why law enforcement processes seem so complicated.

 Families find there are many barriers, due to the legal system and laws, that stand in the way of finding their missing and loved family member. In nearly all cases the family already is aware that their missing will not be located safely and this adds to the stress and trauma.  Detectives and investigators must adhere to the law of "just cause" in order to find needed answers.  This frustrates law enforcement, as well.  While many may want to do full "homicide investigative procedures", if there is not "just cause" to enable them...their "hands are tied." (Example: Luminol spraying a home, arresting a potential suspect and "making them talk" are just two examples of many tactics families expect, but is halted due to laws that protect those who are suspect.)  Because a case may turn to a homicide investigation, or may be classified as missing with foul play, organizations are limited in what information is presented to them (and sometimes to the family, as well) to enable finding the missing loved one.

 Law enforcement will always take the lead and organizations assist by making pleas to the public for awareness of the missing person.  At LostNMissing we will focus on looking for a "living missing loved one" and respect that law enforcement is looking for a deceased missing person.  By doing this we are making sure the family of the missing receive both aspects of a missing persons' case. When presenting a missing loved one as possibly being "alive and out there" invariably is also assisting law enforcement because the awareness campaign of seeking the missing loved one may bring tips/leads that can help make a break in the case. 

We also know, and have experienced, many cases in which all indicators show the missing may have been a victim of foul play (with homicide investigating) and the missing person is invariably located safely. Unless solid evidence (such as an obvious crime scene) exists, we always go with the hopes that the missing can be found alive and well.

Human Trafficking 

Missing loved ones can become victims of human trafficking and quite a majority that are trafficked is for sex purposes. According to the FBI website, they explain, "It's sad but true: here in this country, people are being bought, sold, and smuggled like modern-day slaves.They are trapped in lives of misery-often beaten, starved, and forced to work as prostitutes or to take grueling jobs as migrant, domestic, restaurant, or factory workers with little or no pay.

 We're working hard to stop human trafficking-not only because of the personal and psychological toll it takes on society, but also because it facilitates the illegal movement of immigrants across borders and provides a ready source of income for organized crime groups and even terrorists."  [2] While primarily those missing are young women, young men are known to have been trafficked as well.

Drugs of Abuse
 When a loved one is under the influence of drugs and/or associates with those who buy, sell or take drugs...this puts them at risk of danger in which they can possibly become a missing person. We've had cases in which those have been located safely and living a life "off the streets" in a drug dazed world and we've had missing loved ones who were located deceased a victim of drug activities, suicide under the influence (or through withdrawal) or due to an overdose.

Of One's Own Choice with cognitive awareness and decision making 

Surprisingly, this is one of the lowest common causes of an adult person's disappearance. Highest among minors. Yet, adults receive very little media and public awareness.

Unfortunately the "general public" has the misconception that this is the "number one reason" someone is missing, especially as it pertains to adult males.

We certainly do need to have this category, and fact is...we wish this was the reason most loved ones go missing as the alternative reasons are not usually with a good ending.  85% of our missing adult cases end each year with the missing adult either located deceased or known to be deceased and no body recovered.

Those  missing, of their own free will, are due to their own choice to leave their present life. Again, a very low percentage of adults, high for teens. (ex: runaways.)  These decisions are made with cognitive awareness, are usually planned and usually are the easiest cases to locate the missing person as they leave more "trails" for investigations to track their whereabouts.  Some of the more common reasons are: To start over a new life, to escape and hide from law enforcement, to experience life outside the rules of a parent/guardian (commonly known as "runaway"), to escape an abusive person by going into hiding or to "live off the land" away from everyone, to start a new life with another person, or due to joining a cult.

Abduction/Kidnapping While rare, abduction is a possible cause for a missing loved one (both adults and children) to have disappeared. Parental abduction is the leading cause of missing children in this particular category along with abduction for trafficking purposes.  Lower on the rate of statistics is the kidnapping for the purposes of rape and/or murder. It is also extremely rare that one is kidnapped for the purpose to extort money in exchange for their safe return. According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, the major causes for missing children are:

• The most recent, comprehensive national study for the number of missing children estimated in 1999: [3] 
• Approximately 800,000 children younger than 18 were reported missing.
• More than 200,000 children were abducted by family members.
• More than 58,000 children were abducted by nonfamily members.
• An estimated 115 children were the victims of "stereotypical" kidnapping. These "stereotypical" kidnappings involved someone the child did not know or was an acquaintance. The child was held overnight, transported 50 miles or more, killed, ransomed or held with the intent to keep the child permanently.

Over 2,000 go missing in the United States EVERY day in the USA.
No person, no family is exempt from the trauma of having a loved one disappear. Every person, and every family, from all walks of life can have this happen at any time....and feel lost, confused, worried, fearful and will turn to us for help. We are here for those families and hope this public awareness campaign provides more clarity as to the plight families of missing have and the need for the public to assist whenever someone goes missing in their community.

Respectfully,

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.

NamUs-Victim Advocate (NH)

Office: 603.965.4621
24-hr Cell: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.com

LostNMissing Inc., is an all-volunteer national tax-exempt organization under section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code (the "code") and qualifies as a public supported organization under Sections, or Categories: P99 (Human Services - Multipurpose and Other N.E.C.); M99 (Other Public Safety, Disaster Preparedness, and Relief N.E.C.); I01 (Alliance/Advocacy Organizations). LostNMissing is organized and incorporated under the laws of the State of New Hampshire. We never charge a fee for our services.

Gone Too Soon

The tragic loss of Ari kept me awake nearly all last night. Not good when I have a very long day of travels...finally, upon my own reflection of his passing....I cannot help but be confirmed that there is "more" than just a horrific loss of a beautiful, sweet 2-year old child. Why such a tragedy for his mother, a woman whose life calling has directed her towards helping families of missing by giving them a place to gather, reflect and support one another? (Peace4TheMissing) Why do bad things happen to good people?

As many of you know we lose so many brilliant minds to death by water...drownings, lake accidents, wandering into the path of a river. Perhaps there is more than we are aware. I wrote this to Sara this morning. I hope that it is not "too soon" and that she may find comfort in knowing perhaps her beautiful child passed in a way that none of us will ever fully understand...until one day, when our time comes. I wrote...

My heart aches for you Sara and your family. As a mother I cannot imagine the pain, nor the hurt of extreme loss of a beautiful child. I know finding the words to convey my thoughts… with the hopes of perhaps lessoning a bit of your pain….that you will find some comfort from what I've recognized about death by water a number of years back. 

Perhaps in some way this will "lesson" the pain, albeit… perhaps not right away.  We lose so many brilliant minds to water that one has to stop and look at this from another perspective. Water is symbolic of many things holy and in many different religions.

Perhaps it is God's portal to those chosen special to join him in heaven? Moses parted the Red Sea, water is used in baptisms for Christians, holy water is found in the Catholic church, our own bodies made up of 65% water, when God created earth…water was his pride and water is a necessity staple for those of us still on earth, water cleanses and washes away impurities…this taught by God. At Buddhist funerals water is placed in bowls, to Hindus all water is sacred and special attention to lakes, rivers and streams, Muslims are bathed in water as part of their ritual when one has passed, the Jewish faith practices that all earthly bodies are immediately cleansed as soon as can be done as water is holy and cleanses the departed to a restored state of purity, Japanese who practice Shintu utilize and recognize that water is sacred as are waterfalls and bath troughs placed for ritual washings in many places.

We are all born from the sack of waters that nourish and kept us until it is time to enter this world. I do not believe water is an "accident" or "coincidental"….I believe it is one of God's miracles that he has specially chosen as holy and symbolic..even to him.  It is the one major connection to all nature, humans and religions. I would like to think that perhaps only special ones are chosen to enter the gates of heaven through God's special creation. Water.

For those who may think water is the most horrific passing….perhaps God knows better. Perhaps we, left behind, shall open our eyes to more awareness, faith and beliefs that no matter the passing…those who depart are safe in the arms of the Lord…and those who have passed by water…a symbolic purpose may have happened and we are all too busy in our lives to recognize some of God's signs. Those who are developmentally challenged and those who have cognitive disabilities are almost always drawn to water when they wander away from "safety."

There has to be a reason. I'd like to think that Ari's passing was not one of horror or fear for him…but one in which God's angels called for him and he followed.  My prayers, always.

Please pray for Sara Huizenga , her other children, husband and family. They truly need our prayers.

Respectfully,

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.

NamUs-Victim Advocate (NH)

Phone: 603.965.4621
Cell: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.com

LostNMissing Inc., is an all-volunteer national tax-exempt organization under section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code (the "code") and qualifies as a public supported organization under Sections, or Categories: P99 (Human Services - Multipurpose and Other N.E.C.); M99 (Other Public Safety, Disaster Preparedness, and Relief N.E.C.); I01 (Alliance/Advocacy Organizations). LostNMissing is organized and incorporated under the laws of the State of New Hampshire. We never charge a fee for our services.

Public Grieving. Yes or No?

by Cynthia Caron

I recently had a family member of a missing brother, located deceased, tell me that her family is unhappy that she exposes her soul in grief to her brother publicly online. Apparently his wife and children do not like that she always writes on his "missing page" her feelings and the family feels grief should be "private." It did not take me long to think about how to respond, after all I too turned "public" with my own grief in the passing of my mother 8 months ago, and I explained "It sounds like your family all grieve in different ways and may find it puzzling as to why you've chosen your way to grieve publicly?" I further explained, from my view, that one of the remarkable things about grieving online is that there is a world of support "at your fingertips" and it enables you to people who not only has experienced the same but also wonderful and kind words that you may never have heard before in your own small circle and family? Sometimes those words are the perfect messages of comfort that you never thought before which can help you through your grief."

There is something about sharing emotions and learning new and positive ways to cope that aids in the grieving process. This is not something new due to the internet, fact is many years ago entire villages used to gather to mourn the passing of another member of their community. All over the world there are different rituals and ceremonies built around public gatherings of strangers to mourn the loss of "one of their own." We too do this in many ways from gathering when a young soldier is killed overseas and his or her body returns to our towns and we do the same when we have public candlelight vigils for our missing as well as for tragic deaths that may have occurred in our towns. I think in my own personal life the first "event" I was exposed to with a public "gathering" was when President John F. Kennedy was shot and all homes gathered around their televisions and everywhere I went with my parents I saw the grief and heard the conversations. There was something comforting about having such a bond and seeing so many people "experiencing the same" and being able to talk about it. Public postings on social network sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, is another way of being able to reach out in a more personal level to others for comfort and solace. It does not mean one is not receiving it "at home" or that one is looking for "attention' it is merely one is using all tools available to them to gain insight and to bond and learn from others who have experienced the same…and every person who has ever had someone they love pass away can relate. I think it is a positive move towards healing and building self-awareness and is healthy.

In helping her, I suggested that perhaps her sister in law is not in the same place of grief as to where she is and maybe the public posting makes her feel "guilty" in some way that she cannot bring herself to post as she is not at that level, or *stage, in her own grief process, and perhaps she start a new page, or blog, and title it "My brother's in heaven?" This way her sister in law and nieces can decide if they wish to go and read, join in the postings…or not. What do you think? Do you think public grieving should be kept private?

To learn more about the 5-stages of Grief, and Complicated Grief, go to: http://lostnmissing.org/in-memory-2/

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.

NamUs-Victim Advocate (NH)

Phone: 603.965.4621
Cell: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.com

LostNMissing Inc., is an all-volunteer national tax-exempt organization under section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code (the "code") and qualifies as a public supported organization under Sections, or Categories: P99 (Human Services - Multipurpose and Other N.E.C.); M99 (Other Public Safety, Disaster Preparedness, and Relief N.E.C.); I01 (Alliance/Advocacy Organizations). LostNMissing is organized and incorporated under the laws of the State of New Hampshire. We never charge a fee for our services.

My Mom, Her Passing and Advanced Directives

Anna Fairbanks 1939-2012

by Cynthia Caron

My mom has passed away. Her death will leave a void that nothing will ever fill. Nobody can ever replace a mother…certainly not one as unique and beautiful as mine. With that said, I would like to take a moment and write about something very important that occurred from the moment I received the phone call from the ambulance attendants to my home in New Hampshire, of my mom's sudden massive stroke in Ohio. My flight landed only 9 hours later and I was in the ICU unit and facing the reality that my mom may never be the same and was in grave health. The last thing I wanted was to worry about the "legal aspects" of her medical care and treatment. How does this affect you? It does. It affects every living and breathing person no matter the age.

My point is, to please save your family and friends from having to "guess" your wishes should you be unable. Have an Advanced Directive/Living Will. It outlines who you wish to have make your medical decisions for you in case you are unable. It outlines, legally, what you would like done should you ever become incapacitated or without the ability to say what you would like done. My mom had a living will as I gave her one about 6 years ago, however, she did not complete it. Her prognosis was very poor in that her stroke was massive and without oxygen and blood to the left hemisphere of her brain. Initially, upon arrival to ICU, they felt she would probably be placed in rehab for 2-3 years to regain SOME of her capabilities lost. However, as the third day in ICU approached her brain swelled terribly and pushed the left side of brain into the right side. She suffered permanent brain damage that made rehabilitation no longer an option. She would have been permanently paralyzed, without the ability to swallow, talk, eat, drink or move on her own. She would have needed a feeding tube and a nursing home for the rest of her life until either her heart or pneumonia may have taken her.

While my mom's wishes were well known among all 3 of her children, myself included of course, and many of her friends… including numerous emails to me of others who "came back to the senior center with strokes" and her personal desires should she ever have one....it legally could not hold up to any of her three adult children to make decisions by the courts. It was up to the doctors. Doctors take an oath to keep a person "alive." We were very lucky she had a wonderful neurologist who was able to bring her out of a coma for a limited time to get her "nods" as to what she wanted when the brain began to swell.

I will never ever forget as long as I live the intense look on my mom's face as she listened closely and nodded no to brain surgery, no to a feeding tube and no to a life bedridden in a nursing home. Had her wishes been in writing, and some may disagree, it would have saved the pain of my mom facing the grim reality of her prognosis and from having to see me, her daughter, pressing my face into my hands to keep from sobbing and crying out loud. I will never forget the look on her face as she had to make decisions to leave us all.

My mom just turned 73 only a month before. A fit woman who walked 3 miles a day, or more, and spent hours in her garden, drawing and painting floral landscapes, choir and attending her local senior center for daily activities.

PLEASE make those decisions ahead of time. That is what a living will/advanced directive is. It outlines example situations so that you can decide if you want to be "kept alive" while in a state of poor prognosis or if your quality of life will not be sufficient to your wishes. Many times you are asked if you have a Living Will when you attend your doctor appointments. Your doctor's office should always have a copy, along with whomever you designate as your Power of Attorney (POA). (The person who signs on your behalf when you are unable.) Please take the time to click on your state, print a copy….complete it and provide to your doctor, POA and lawyer if you have one. It's free. Be sure to have it notarized, as well. Do not let your fate be decided outside of those who love and know you. We were certainly grateful that my mom was able to give her wishes to the doctor before falling back into her coma. She passed away 9 days later on September 16, 2012. Forever loved and forever will be missed, by many.

Link to Advanced Directives, by State: http://www.caringinfo.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3289
Link to Obituary of Anna M. Fairbanks: http://www.josephrossifuneralhome.com/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=1590716&fh_id=12602

Respectfully,

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.

NamUs-Victim Advocate (NH)

Phone: 603.965.4621
Cell: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.com

What About the Missing? Organizations NEED Donations

by Cynthia Caron

First let me say, I am so very sorry for the way the Karen Klein, the 68 year old woman on the bus, who was treated horribly by the bratty bullying teens with terrible words hurled at the woman. Nobody deserves to be treated that way and those that did the bullying should need to have to make amends by community service, assisting those who cannot help themselves is a good thought, supervised of course.

But I must add...am I right to feel this way? $400,000 raised by caring people from around the world? I want nothing more than to see Karen Klein be able to use that money to fund her living expenses so that she doesn't have to work if she chooses not to. Also to use it towards enjoying precious times with her 8 grandchildren without having to worry how to come up with extra money for each of their birthdays.

However, with that said, I cannot help feeling very sad. Maybe even a bit jealous? It is so hard to raise funds for our 501c3 nonprofit in which we assist law enforcement and families of missing loved ones. Not just "missing" as in, "where is Uncle Joe that moved to Arizona years ago?" and not "I wonder where my high school friend went? I've not heard from him/her in years?" Those are not missing loved ones. Missing loved ones are somebody's child, no matter the age, that disappeared off the face of the earth in the middle of a normal life. One who did not show up to work and was not home for a very important family event. One who would NEVER go missing on their own. One who has children at home wondering where their mommy or daddy is and family not knowing how to explain except to say "We are looking, honey." Why can't their pain and the awful roller coaster ride of not knowing if their child is alive or dead not touch the hearts of the same people who donated to Karen Klein?

I know fundraising is very difficult, trust me…we do it all of the time…yet, our nonprofit existed of 85% of donations by myself out of my own personal funds and those of a few staff members. I know other nonprofits helping families of missing and doing search and rescue experience the very same situation. Our nonprofit, for example, asks for very little. Perhaps a $5.00 donation. If 100 people donated $5.00 that would be $500 and would cover the costs of printing posters for missing loved ones for four families. A far cry from what we really need but every penny helps. We are all 100% volunteers, as are most nonprofits who do not have government grants. We do not draw salaries and our funds are running short. We are doing all possible to reach out and get the public to please take notice of our work, of the pain our families are enduring and of the many more things we want to do for them…and are struggling due to funding. Bank accounts that hold less than $600.

As stated, this is not only for LostNMissing Inc, this is also a problem our families of missing are enduring, as well. They depend on us for services, yet at the same time many are trying to raise funds for searches to bring their children's bodies home. Now that is sad. , Thus far this year we've only raised $1,256 for our organization from public donations. Our families raise an average of $5,000 (if they are lucky) and yet....over $400,000 has gone towards helping this woman who had to endure kids disrespecting her in the most nasty way. WHY do people not care to donate to help find missing loved ones, too? Am I wrong for feeling this way?

It is frustrating. Over 2000 loved ones go missing EVERY DAY. Families are having to halt searches when they have very good leads, media coverage only goes so far...billboards are needed for awareness and the cost is unbelievable! Families need to increase or add rewards. We are of the firm believe that EVERYONE missing...someone holds the answers. We need people to be more accountable to helping these families...people need to have a conscience who have information that can help these families. I believe the reason donations are not coming in is because the general public has no idea what it is like to lose a missing loved one. It doesn't touch their hearts" in the way that they want to help because they've never experienced it" or they feel it is "well covered" or that it happens "so rarely" that it is not truly a cause to support. How wrong they are. Every missing person is someone's missing child.

The networks have reality shows from "evicting people from their apartments" to "chasing hogs in the wild" and they need to really re-focus and start doing some reality shows of what it is like to be a parent of a missing child. Perhaps walk in the shoes of families and the roller coaster ride of pain to see what they are going through. Now that is reality. I hope producers out there start thinking of helping families of missing instead of sensationalizing people who eat drywall and rocks. And I hope those who have the means to donate will consider donating towards any and all organizations that are struggling, without government grants, and who are all 100% volunteers trying to help these families of missing.

Here are just a few nonprofit organizations that are in need of funding:

www.lostnmissing.com LostNMissing Inc.
www.lrcf.org Laura Recovery Center
www.blackandmissinginc.com Black & Missing Foundation
www.ncmissingpersons.org Cue Center
www.projectjason.org Project Jason
www.kristenfoundation.org Kristen Foundation
http://heidisearchcenter.com Heidi Search Center

Won't you take a moment today and donate whatever you can afford? Even if only $5.00. Every bit helps.

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.
PH: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.

   

BE WISE!!!!! Is the child really missing?

 by Cynthia Caron

You could be liable if you are not wise to situations involving missing loved ones, especially children!!

While this may seem harsh...it is important to protect those whose photos are going around saying they are missing. We do not know if they are being stalked or legitimate missing loved ones?

Here are a few policies at LostNMissing Inc and most of those who are advocates for missing should adhere to the same when posting on social media sites :

1. We cannot post missing children without a registration at our org so that we can verify with police if it is a minor under the age of 18. Their immediate family/guardian (who have legal custody) must register them and will be asked to sign a form allowing us to distribute the photo of their minor child. THE ONLY EXCEPTIONS are posters from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children....and media news alerts of missing children.

2. We cannot post missing adults...EVER...without a police contact phone number to verify they are missing and only will share posters that contain police phone numbers.

3. Missing Adults who have alerts in the media news can be posted.

If you have a friend, or a friend of a friend, who has a missing minor child under 18....please tell them to call 1-800-THE-LOST right away (NCMEC) and their local police department. Advise them if they are going to post their missing child's photo to use the name of the reporting police agency and the case number, otherwise...it could be viewed as someone just "stalking" someone or a non custodial parent , or otherwise, trying to find a child's location. THIS IS CRITICAL. Be wise. Protect our youth. ASK for this info before taking a "friend" on Facebook's word that their child is missing. We recently saw this happen not even two weeks ago in which the person looking for a child was NOT the legal guardian and portrayed as if the child was a runaway from their own home...when in fact upon police confirmation....that person did not have custody nor rights to that child and the child was with a parent in protective custody. BE WISE.

Respectfully,

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.

Phone: 603.965.4621
Cell: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.com

Ayla Reynolds Case: What you see and hear is not always what it seems

by Cynthia Caron

Recently my organization, LostNMissing, along with Ayla's maternal family, held a Birthday Vigil for missing toddler, Ayla Reynolds, of Maine.  Many bloggers and even the media have made comments that I found "interesting" in that it was clear to me that the general public "assumes" that a certain demeanor, or reaction, should be uniform for all families of missing loved ones.

The perception is that those who have a missing child (no matter the age) should never smile, never have "a good day" and should never "celebrate" anything when their loved one is missing.  What they do not realize is what they see and hear is not always what it seems.  Let's take the radio personalities, Mike and Ken, of WGAN radio in Maine.  In their morning show, The Daily Rundown, discussed the Birthday Vigil and described it as "creepy."  (Listen here at: http://podcast.560wgan.com/wgan/3405283.mp3 )

I would like to address comments made by Ken and Mike regarding the Ayla Reynolds Birthday Vigil and it's not that I want to single them out, but rather they gave a very common opinion that I believe should be discussed.

Many times what the public sees and hears is not what one may perceive.  Our organization sponsored the event for Ayla Reynolds along with the maternal family and of course her mom, Trista Reynolds.  While I understand that many comments are made out of opinions from watching news clips and reading articles, that in no way gives the entire background and true happenings with those grieving for their missing child. 

Our organization works with many families of missing and I can assure you that rarely do we have two families that react in the same manner, nor grieve in the same way when a loved one is missing.  Mike and Ken, while commenting on The Daily Rundown, that the "Birthday Party", in which it was not a party…it was a Birthday Vigil, both Mike and Ken agreed that it was "creepy."  Actually, it was quite the opposite.  Some points, that the public is not aware, and I would like to make known a number of important points:

·        When we planned the vigil, back in late February, Trista wanted it to be on Ayla's birthday.  The vigil was planned well over a month in advance due to needing to reserve the public location.  (Many churches turned us away due to media attendance and the fact they held AA meetings and did not want their attendees, who are to remain anonymous, to be caught on a news clip.)  Her hopes was that Ayla would be home by then and the vigil would turn into one of a celebration. The vigil was planned as one of "hope & awareness on the child's second birthday" and not as a "birthday party."

·         When Trista woke up, the morning of the Birthday Vigil and her missing child's second birthday, she realized Ayla was still not home…that phone call never came.  She then  went into a very deep and painful hurting state.  She spent the day in extreme pain and crying from morning until the time to go.  It was extremely difficult to get Trista to attend her daughter's Birthday Vigil. She did not believe she would have the strength to get through it. I assured Trista, as did her mom and all at the house, that she would be fine and that she has many supporters and those that love her would be surrounding her and will be at her side throughout. 

·        Comments were made about Trista noticing a car with Ayla's poster enroute to the Birthday Vigil and how she and her Aunt shouted out to the driver that "Hey! I'm Ayla's mom! Thank you!"  Of course that brought a reaction to her!  She was excited to see that someone else cares!

·        The vigil itself was very important as it held multiple purposes. Mainly it garnered a lot of media attention for Ayla's missing status prior and following the event. That is extremely important as we cannot let the public "forget" Ayla, or put it off that she is deceased with "certainty"… or those who may spot a child that looks like Ayla will invariably not make the connection because they are firm in their beliefs that Ayla is gone. 

·        We do not know that Ayla is no longer here on earth. We do not know if she was "given away", sold or missing through other possible means. We just do not know. For that matter, we do not know with certainty that Ayla went missing on the night she was put to bed on the 16th of December (2011) and "discovered" gone on the morning of December 17th. We do not know with certainty, however, the DiPietro family does. They know because Ayla was in their care. Only they can truly say when the last time Ayla was in that home playing or sleeping. Therefore, we always must keep hope.

·        Hope is important for families to have in order to sustain their own emotional health and to get through the days, and nights, ahead of them. The public also should know that Trista has another baby at home that she must care for. A beautiful baby boy who has many health problems and requires much more care than the "normal" baby of the same age. Trista has to be strong. She cannot let grief overcome her every second of every day…for her small son's sake…she has to remain strong and try to live as normal a life as virtually possible….not only to maintain her own emotional state of mind, but to be there and help her son through his own much needed medical care.

·         On a positive note, while things may seem grim, Ayla's case has not been ruled a homicide, therefore…we will always make pleas for the public to look for her. 

On a side note, our organization has worked with families in which cases have been converted from a missing persons case to a homicide investigation and the missing person invariably was located safe.  We've also had many cases in which we have believed the missing loved one may be safe and the outcome was the person was in fact located passed away.  We quit "guessing" the end result of cases.  Until clear and compelling evidence suggests otherwise…always hope.

·        The negative bloggers were quick to point out the "dancing and singing" at Ayla's Birthday Vigil and if a single one of the bloggers were in attendance they would have noted that Trista was completely up and down with her emotions and pain.  She would go from crying in the arms of family and friends (and yes with real tears) to regaining composure and accepting the love and support of those around her and "joined them" at various intervals with smiles, hugs and yes…dancing for a brief moment which was caught on film.  What was she dancing to? The song that her daughter continually danced to around the house, "Moves Like Jagger."  So if for a brief moment she was able to be distracted from her constant pain and be drawn into the scene of others, the same as her daughter would, then why would anyone dare to turn that into a negative?
  

I have to say that I commend Trista for her strength and abilities in many ways. Her capabilities to project the need for the public to 'Please help find Ayla'  is remarkable. She takes her "45 seconds of opportunity" and presents her feelings, goals and pleas in a way that many who have taken college courses on media relations cannot carry out in the same manner.

So here we have a young mother, with a small baby at home with medical needs, living with a constant heartache of having a missing child… who is overcome with grief one moment and needing to regain composure to do what needs to be done, the next. Who is battling and overcoming addiction, and staying sober…along with the difficulties of being a single parent…having to live a life of financial difficulty, as all young single parents, and having to be dependent on others to help her. Trista is truly an amazing, strong young woman.  Many would not be able to handle just one of the obstacles and pain that Trista is enduring.  She should be commended, not judged.

Yes, I give Trista a lot of credit for all that she is accomplishing.  No parent should ever have to endure this much pain and obstacles in their life. 

You see, I know the real Trista.  The one that is a loving mother.  I've seen her with her son.  I see the pride and accomplishments she talks about with him. I see the life that she is living. I've held her son in my arms while she administered his medications and how she utilized the special adapter for his needed breathing treatments.  She did it with love and with internal pain.  The pain that accompanies a mother of a child with medical needs. I know that same love and pain only too well when I too had to give my infant son multiple medications to control 5 different seizure disorders to keep him alive and from going into status epileptus, of which it happened to him twice.  I recognize very well that same look of love, concern and the need to be strong to advocate for my child.  However, unlike Trista, I had a spouse, a home of my own and was not grieving and living the painful heartache of having a missing child.  I am very proud that Trista was able to make it through the evening with stamina and love she had for all who came to support her.

Ayla Reynolds - now age 2 - Missing from Maine - Dec 2011

So if Trista danced for a few moments to her daughters favorite song, and sang Happy Birthday to her….it was truly for Ayla and for no other reason.  I know. I was there.  I am proud she made it through the evening. She did it and with love for her daughter Ayla.

If anyone has information, no matter how insignificant it may seem, please contact the Maine State Police at (207) 657-3030, your local police or 9-1-1 if you spot her.

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.
PH: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.

My Apologies To Matt Hoff

By Cynthia Caron

Matthew Hoff, better known as Matt, I want to apologize to you on behalf of the state of California. California has the most expensive land, homes, movie stars, millionaires, Silicon Valley, and Corporate headquarters of major companies. Many of the best Universities, hospitals and health institutions in this country. So yes...an apology is due you and I've a feeling it won't be from the State of California, so please accept my apology to you and your family on behalf of myself and many of our Facebook followers. So while my writing here may come across as scrambled and covering a vast area of "topics" , know it is because I am fuming! Yes, my thoughts are scattered and I am angry…but know my thoughts will come around to the same conclusion and that is we, as a country, are not taking care of those who cannot take care of themselves and we have the worst wasteful spending and choices made in our government that will invariably be the downfall of our people. All people.

For those reading, are you also asking what on earth is going on in this country? For the record, it's not just California. It's a political year people. Wake up and know what is going on around you and know the issues you are about to vote come November. There is no excuse and certainly there is a problem when our system could give two flying hoots for those who are mentally disabled like Matt. The people in the state of California will waste their money on Botox and $3,000 handbags? Wouldn't it be a bit kind if they perhaps help support their local mental health clinics at the cost of one handbag per year? Maybe give up purchasing another pair of Testoni Moro shoes? Course we have a President trying to stress this point, yet his own family spends 17 days in Hawaii, comes home and his wife jets off with our tax paying money to ski in Aspen, Colorado. I can bet she didn't fly Jet Blue.

In the meantime we have Governors who demand that flags be flown in government offices at half-mast because a singer, Whitney Houston, has died. Just curious if the state recognized the passing when their own resident, Roberto (Robert) DeJesus Perez, died of a brain aneurism at the age of 18, a high school graduate who attended William Patterson University whose goal was to work for the United Nations died and became an organ donor? In doing so, he saved the lives of five people: a 63 year-old man received his heart, a 40 year-old man received his kidney and pancreas, a 51 year-old man received his lungs, a 46 year-old man received his liver and a 30 year-old man received his other kidney. Were the flags at half-mast for his funeral? After all Governors can determine when, how and why a flag is flown at half-mast and it is no longer for those who die in service to our country. In my eyes, Robert DeJesus Perez was a hero too…I hope his family at least received a condolence note.

What truly is going on in our country? Why is Matt being denied the right to proper medical care which includes his needed anti-psychotic medications? Why was he released into the world at 4:00 am from a police station? 4:00 am? Did they not learn anything from the death of Mitrice Richardson? Her parents must be dying inside, all over again.

Where on earth is our US tax dollars and money going? Who is making all these decisions on where US Grants should be given? We have Search And Rescue teams out drudging the mud, the weeds, and the woods to find someone's deceased loved one, voluntarily, AND paying to perform that task out of their own personal pocket book. While construction crews are volunteering their time to re-build homes so that wounded soldiers can have a place to live...out of their own pockets and time, following their regularly scheduled work days, of course. I've watched communities and very giving nonprofits be turned away from grants because a lot of the grants are being awarded in the most ridiculous means such as one federal grant program directed a million dollars from the public coffers to infuse zoos around the United States with snippets of poetry. Yes! Poetry. Yes, a million dollars! Apparently it was not fun or educational enough to go to the zoo and watch the animals and read about their culture, but so very important to have it converted to a poem? Not a million dollars to help fund the small animal shelters from city to city to better protect our dogs, cats and horses for example...but a better idea was to be sure poetry was visible at the zoo. Sorry. I do not get it.

Is there a problem? Yes. There sure is a problem. While nonprofits (and I'm not talking about the ones in which the CEOs make $200,000 a year from government grants which help to write their own salaries) I'm talking about all the little ones all over the country trying to help the homeless, help our Troops home from the service with injuries to build and remodel homes...trying to help find missing loved and vulnerable people, trying to educate those in underprivileged areas, trying to provide warm coats to homeless children here in the USA while having to beg for $5.00 donations of which is rarely received, except by a few wonderful caring citizens here and there, because most people would rather support the "big ones" that have high overhead, political connections and already receive million dollar grants. No, I do not get it. I do not get the "distribution system" not when, and shame on Portland, Oregon… where, by the way, have a very high homeless rate, more than probable the majority are adults who suffer the same as Matt Hoff, but somewhere the city determined that $900,000 was much more important to obtain stimulus funds on a new bike signage project. Albeit, the city already has similar bike signs, which it plans to leave up...however, the new signs—which include arrows, distance, and travel times to key destinations— have a slightly different design than their existing ones. Sigh. Imagine how many disabled high functioning adults could be provided rent assistance with that kind of money? Or how many elderly, who live on fixed incomes, could have had heat assistance? How many Matt Hoff's live in Portland? How many of their parents look at those bike signs and just want to cry?

Perhaps the government expects that we provide kudos to them in certain areas, such as helping the young woman fulfill her desire at only 28 years old, who became paraplegic due to a diving accident, to obtain permission by the government to allow herself to commit suicide, and the same government that allowed the feeding tube to be pulled from Terry Schiavo while she lay in bed and endured a starving death...of which it was proclaimed she would feel no pain. OF COURSE the government is going to grant such...it saves a tremendous amount of money from the government in supporting their expensive healthcare so in turn that money can be used to support the healthcare of illegal aliens. Makes sense...right? Allow two people to leave this earth that costs hundreds of thousands of dollars to provide care...or should I say to "spread the wealth", in this case healthcare, to more people...say 4 illegal aliens. Do I have anything against aliens? No. Do I have anything against those here illegally? Yes. Somewhere in government, while they were removing the word "God" from everything, they forgot to review the definition of the word "illegal."

Heaven forbid (Am I allowed to say that?) one becomes noncontributory in this country...or has disabilities that makes them "less productive" than the politicians who think they have everything solved. You know, the ones who write all these "rules" and "laws" and apparently it never has dawned on them that their own children, or grandchildren could endure a tragic accident that could deem them disabled and walking the streets and thrown into jails without needed medications because they decided to steal something from the store in order to eat, or picked up by police for vagrancy as they needed to rest. All this while the government is working hard to provide free college educations to illegal immigrants while our own graduating seniors have to forego their dreams of a college education as it is completely unaffordable, even though their parents have paid all their taxes throughout their child's 12 years of education and contributed towards the schools in their cities.

While all this going on we have people pushing and shoving their way to the welfare lines that want to file and re-file for their "emergency funds" while wearing Nike Air Jordan's and texting on $600 cell phones and dragging their 3 time pregnant girlfriends, not wives...girlfriends...in tow...only to have a disabled homeless man be shooed away from the front door because he doesn't have a "permanent residence." I've seen this all personally with my own eyes as I waited in line with my autistic son who also has 5 seizure disorders, among other conditions, only to be told that "he graduated high school" so there are no programs to assist him with life living skills available. You need to wait until he is 21 years old. So for 4 years he went without special needs support, no services, and no assistance that both his father and I have paid into for years while I, his mother, funded, found and work voluntarily at my own nonprofit organization all while working a full time job and paying into our tax system. Yet, Mr.Texting-Boyfriend was handed an emergency voucher for food stamps and his application to have his home heating paid.

Somewhere this needs to stop. This country needs to step up and start holding accountable those who are using the system for their own personal gain. Or laziness. Start at the Whitehouse and work one's way across the entire USA from every corner. We need to take a moral and fiscal responsibility in this country to help those who cannot help themselves. I'm sure our forefathers never would have predicted this kind of system failures. I won't even begin to get into The National Institutes of Health which spent $55,000 to promote HIV Vaccine Awareness Day, even though no vaccine exists. Imagine that? There went the rental fee assistance, in southern Alabama, that could have housed 2, maybe 3, disabled high functioning young adults?

So here we have Matt Hoff, who by now I hope his name is in the household of every Californian and perhaps even in the USA, who by no choice of his own has suffered with extreme mental disorders since the age of 5 who turns 18 and is shuffled out of the system of care. Arrested for erratic behaviors and poor choices, not once, not twice but three times now only to be thrown into jail, again, and not given his needed anti-psychotic drugs. Does this make sense that the government would not want this young man to think like a "normal person" and not be way out in the land of paranoia and confusion? Are there legitimate reasons that the system in California will not allow him his medication? I would love to know that reason. Maybe I do. Maybe like the young paraplegic woman who received government blessings to commit legal suicide and like Terry Schiavo who was blessed with the government approval offered to her estranged spouse to yank her feeding tube, against her parents' wishes and clear compelling evidence by many that she would not want to die....maybe, just maybe, this is the reason California is not going to medicate Matt Hoff. Maybe they are hoping the next release at 4:00 am he will jump from the Golden Gate Bridge and they will have one less person to medicate, feed, house and find sufficient care....and that cost can help 2, maybe 3 pedophiles to receive a cute ranch home to live in instead. After all, there is only so much to give. Right?

PS. California, in case I've not conveyed my message clearly…perhaps Matt's mom can do better. Here she is: http://bcove.me/seq39ccr , video courtesy of Mark Eades with The Orange County Register.

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.
PH: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.

Mother Searching for Missing Son Finds He Was in Morgue for Over 6 Months in Maryland

By Cynthia Caron

Victor Brian Banks, Jr., age 26, known as Brian Banks, was in a car accident on August 6, 2011 Takoma Park, MD. He was brought to Washington Adventist Hospital and fled the hospital the following morning on August 7, 2011. The reason he left the hospital to this date is "unknown." Brian did suffer with some depression but was not a troubled young man…fact is, he was a good son with many friends and was in the process of moving from Ohio to be near his mom in College Park, Maryland. When his mother, Denise Banks, could not reach or find Brian she filed a missing police report. Nobody knows what transpired from that point, however, it is felt that Brian was not given a proper "missing person" search because of being an adult missing male. For six months the organization, LostNMissing Inc, posted on nearly every social media site virtually possible in the search for Brian, as well as submitting his information to other organizations and entered his missing status into NamUs. (www.namus.gov) NamUs is the National Organization for Missing and Unidentified. The purpose for the national data bank is to hold all missing and unidentified in the United States with the hopes that those unidentified can have their names and families contacted for proper burials. LostNMissing's NamUs Coordinator, Billie Lynnell Cox, entered Victor Brian Banks, Jr. in the NamUs system on October 21, 2011 shortly after learning of his missing status. In the meantime, his mother was desperately searching for her son only to hear "adults have the right to go missing if they choose." Ms. Banks stated "I know my son. He never would have up and left without letting me know of his every whereabouts." She expressed this same comment over and again to police agencies from Maryland to Toledo, Ohio. Brian's mother learned that the Prince George County Police Department had his car impounded from the auto accident and told her they sent a letter at her College Park Address and sent one to Briain's home address in Toledo, Ohio. Neither letter was ever received. Because the police stated they had the "letter in the file" they had Brian's automobile destroyed at a towing company in Laurel, MD. To add further complications, Ms. Banks asked where her son's belongings were and was told by the PGCPD and towing company that "They did not have any of my son's belongings", stated Ms. Banks. Further, on September 15, 2011 and January 23, 2012 she was told that there "were no accidents on record for Victor Brian Banks." Frustrated, and saddened, Ms. Banks continued to push to get her needed answers. On February 1, 2012 Ms. Banks learned of her son's fate. Authorities explained that on the very day that he fled the hospital his body was located without any identification on his person. Brian was brought to the Baltimore City Morgue, which is a beautiful newly built state-of-the-art facility. His autopsy was performed and due to no physical trauma he was preserved within the facility to await identification. He was listed at the morgue as "John Doe." However, even that status fell through the cracks of the system. Especially to be noted is that Brian had, on his right arm, his own mother's name tattooed. It read "God bless Denise M. Banks" with a cross. The very same identifying characteristic that was placed on all of his missing posters. The very same name on nearly every police call and visit made by Ms. Banks. Had the release of a John Doe with the identifying tattoo was released to the public, he could have been named and his mother saved from months of heartache in the roller coaster ride of trying to find a missing child. Her child. Cynthia Caron, President and Founder of LostNMissing said " Had Brian been entered by the Medical Examiner's office into NamUs as unidentified, there is a good chance that he would have matched to his missing case on NamUs." She further added, "It is our hopes that all Medical Examiner's in the country learn of NamUs and the potential it has to not only hold missing loved ones, but more importantly, to bring loved ones back to their families who are left in morgues across the country as John and Jane Does." In Brian's case, remarkably he was very well preserved and the possibility exists that a public viewing may be possible. A mother now grieves the loss of her only child, her beautiful Brian. She gains strength in knowing that he is in God's heaven with his loved Grandmother and those who've passed before him. She vows to spend her free time towards educating police and medical examiners of the NamUs system and helping others who have missing loved ones. As Ms. Banks explained, "There is no such thing that an adult has the right to go missing and for the police to not take interest, after all…that adult IS somebody's child." Services and a Celebration of Life is in the planning stages and will be held on February 18, 2012 in Scottsville, Virginia. Location and times to be announced. FACEBOOK:  " In memory of Brian Banks"   Cynthia Caron President/Founder LostNMissing, Inc. PH: 603.548.6548 www.lostnmissing.com