Heeding And Taking A Stand

By Anny Jacoby

With the holiday season in "high gear", shopping until you drop, cooking and baking, dinners and celebrations and the new year approaching I felt it only appropriate to address awareness causes that pertain to victimization. And, what can you do for others and yourself.


Awareness months are a result of presidential proclamations suggesting their importance which recognizes special months, weeks or days as symbolic statements that highlight causes, interest groups and diseases that an administration thinks deserves attention. Many proclamations date back decades and are updated periodically. To achieve an awareness month, you simply have to ask. Requests usually go through the Office of the Public Liaison, and the proclamations themselves are written by the office of the staff secretary. It helps to have a cause that fits snugly into a current president's worldview. Yes, it also helps to have some connection in the government.


Personally, the following awareness months are dear to my heart and mission:

• January - National Personal Self-Defense Awareness Month
• January - National Stalking Awareness Month
• April - National Sexual Assault Awareness Month
• April - National Child Abuse Prevention Awareness Month
  
• June - National Internet Safety Awareness Month
  
• September - National Human Trafficking Month
  
• October - National Domestic Violence Awareness Month
• October - National Cyber Security Awareness Month

Not only during the above months should we take heed or take a stand but every day of your life you should be aware and proactive - awareness is the first step to any form of personal safety or self-defense. It all begins with you.


The terms "personal safety/self-defense" definitely do not make us feel all warm and fuzzy but it is extremely vital to have the knowledge about, even if it is only a "little". Just knowing a little can literally save your life or that of a loved one. Personal safety is extremely important for females because we tend to be the safety advocates for our families, friends and peers but we must not forget about ourselves.


Whenever I speak or teach I ask, "what does the words "personal safety or self-defense" mean to you"? The answer that I hear over and over is, "it has something to do with defending ourselves from someone who is physically attacking us". On the contrary, personal safety begins with mental defense. It is imperative to learn what the warning signs and red flags in domestic violence are as abuse begins with emotional, mental, verbal, spiritual, financial abuse and much more (power and control). There is nothing wrong with being pro-active and putting your safety before anything or anyone else.


Most people think that personal safety/self-defense is hurting your attacker before he/she can hurt you. On the contrary, the most important part of personal safety is doing everything possible to AVOID fighting someone who threatens or attacks you, AVOIDING potentially harmful conditions. Personal safety/self-defense is about outsmarting attackers, not always outfighting them.


This is not to say that you shouldn't be prepared in case of an attack. Consider training to learn valuable defense techniques, mentally and physically. Generally a person may use reasonable force when it appears reasonably necessary to prevent an impending injury. A person using force in self-defense should use only so much force as is required to repel an attack. Ultimately, the goal in personal safety is to not need to use physical defense but if you do, escape with little injury to yourself as possible.


The National Crime Prevention Council sends a loud message as to how to avoid undesirable situations to name a few:

• Understand your surroundings. Stay in areas that are open, well lit and well traveled.
• When possible, travel in a group - use the "buddy system".
• Make sure that your friends and parents know your basic schedule, where you are going and with whom; that you arrived safely and what time to expect you home.
• Your body language shows a sense of confidence - use it. Look like you know where you are going, be and remain alert.
• When riding on public transportation, sit near the driver and stay awake. Assailants look for vulnerable targets.
• Always carry a cell phone, in a holder on your clothing - not in the bottom of your purse or in a pocket. Make sure that it's programmed in speed dial with numbers of a few friends/family members and 911.
• If you find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time, trust your instincts. Heed to them, trust them as your instinct seldom fails you.
• Focus on what to do instead of what not to do.

Personal safety/self-defense can be warm and fuzzy once you learn what it really means and how to use it to your advantage. Give yourself permission and allow yourself to become strong mentally and emotionally which in turn will result in an outward expression of confidence. Assailants prey on weaknesses.

With January being a new fresh start in many ways it is also a time for reflection and revisions.What a better time to learn to respect ourselves? With it being time for renewal and new beginnings it is a perfect time to say:


"Yes" to ourselves


"Yes" to our self-esteem


"Yes" to our awareness


"Yes" to our self-respect


"Yes" to improving both our mental and emotional well-being


"Yes" to learning how to physically protect and defend ourselves




Wishing everyone a wonderful, Blessed Holiday season; a prosperous and healthy New Year.


Take care and STAY SAFE!

Self-Worth; Fight For It, Damn It!

By Anny Jacoby

Why do so many women feel that they are not worthy? How did they lose their self-worth? Is it because of the way the world has portrayed a perfect women "today"? Is it because someone took it from them? Is that the void some fill by over eating? Did their partner breach a trust? Did their partner demean them with insults about how they look? Did their partner admire other women? Did they grow up being ridiculed by a family member? Have they been suffering from a controlling illness? Were they bullied and criticized through their school years? Were they sexually abused as a child? Were they laughed at in a moment of vulnerability? Were they ever raped or abused?

"Self-worth" is a word that is so much easier to say and spell than it is to feel.

All of the above experiences mentioned and so many more play a major part of pouring a woman's self-worth right down the toilet. The people causing these kind of negative actions are totally responsible for destroying and tearing down a woman's worth. To destroy or tear down a woman's self-worth is one of the cruelest ways to treat a human being. It is a no win situation for that woman. She cannot fight back. She is attacked blindfolded. Humiliation has succeeded - the battle is won. Anyone can win against innocence. When the battle turns around is when the true win begins. A true win is when a woman who has lost her self-worth stands up and takes the control back.

You are not responsible for falling or losing the battle. But YOU ARE TOTALLY responsible for getting back up. It is you that has to pull it together. You need to go back as far as you can in your mind that puts a smile on your face, remembering those "warm and fuzzy", happy times. If you can't then think of someone that you know that is hurting more deeply than yourself and use that as your motivation. Allow yourself to go there in your mind. Use these thoughts to give you reason to get up. Your self-worth IS worth fighting for.

Yes, perhaps you have been hurt, disappointed and raped of one of your most sacred emotions, SELF-WORTH. NOW YOU WANT IT BACK, SO TAKE IT BACK! It is right inside of you. You just have to bury the memories and pain under all of your dirty laundry. You can continue to feel empty, use drugs, alcohol or even food to fill that void inside of you. You can miss out on life because you are forgetting to fight and it is so much easier to have a pity party.

You can worry about if you try to gain back your self-worth that you will fail and feel even more lonely. You may fail the first try, second or even the third. You feel that it's all hopeless. If you give into that feeling, then you are truly letting yourself down as well as others that love and care for you. YOU have now become responsible for losing your chance at regaining YOUR self-worth. You are allowing whatever it was that tore you apart in the first place to take control of all of you and your soul. You are allowing a memory to defeat you. There is no person there, just a thought. Why are you doing this? You know that you can stop it. You know how!

The strength of negative thinking is overwhelming and controlling in itself. I have felt it's power many, many times. Honestly, to the point that I could hardly feel myself breath. That was when I knew that I, and only I could stop it and take back the control of MY DESTINY.

For those that have been through a battle and are struggling or may have struggled to just get up on an elbow, feeling empty inside and so alone that you wonder why you even got up today............YOU CAN AND WILL BEAT THIS!

GAINING BACK YOUR SELF-WORTH

You must look inside of yourself and dig for the real you. Don't dig for the you has been scarred, wounded or hurt but the you that can smile, laugh and appreciate all of the good things in life. If you will just open your positive side and allow the great things to reach you the feeling will truly be uplifting. The more positive thoughts that you fill yourself with, the less negative thoughts can't nor won't survive.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off; you must move onto HABITS - positive habits of thinking. You must also be honest with your bad habits, what they are and where they are taking you. Identify them and how they are bringing you down, instead of up. The bad habits you have allowed to run your life. Now, as you have invited them in, you will un-invite them.

You must reconstruct your thought patterns to think WIN, not to lose. Immediately remove the words, "give up" from your vocabulary and replace them with "NEVER GIVE UP!" You must make a new commitment to yourself, the only one that you can reach out and touch!

You will always be stronger than your greatest weaknesses. Those weaknesses will never win again against your strengths..........NEVER!

To strengthen the mental you, you must strengthen the physical you. I am not referring to becoming a body builder or a full bore athlete. I simply mean a healthier you, A YOU THAT YOU WANT TO BE!

You must always remember, whatever it was that brought you down in yourself is in the past. If you continue to allow the pain to live inside of you, you will suffer. The past is over and there is no suffering on your part that will erase it. Get on with life. Reach deep inside of yourself and bring back the who YOU are.

Bring back the person YOU can smile in the mirror at.

Bring back the person YOU talk to all of the time.

Bring back the person that YOU were meant to be.

Bring back YOU, and then.......YOU WILL HAVE YOUR SELF-WORTH BACK - FIGHT FOR IT, DAMN IT!

"You can't conquer what you can't confront."

Take care and STAY SAFE!

What Is Personal Safety and Why Do "I" Need It?

By Anny Jacoby





In the recent past there have been numerous media reports of victims of various ages (Dawn Fraser, Megan Onorato and Jordan Ward) of different types of assaults that have warded off their assailant(s). It is heart breaking as we read or hear daily of the epidemic of assaults on females. But when I hear the news that a victim survived by fighting back it instills in me once again that it is better to do something rather than nothing. Sadly there are reports and evidence indicating that a victim did fight back (Annie Le, Denise Amber Lee) but was overpowered and succumbed at the hands of her assailant.

Years ago I can remember that females were advised not to fight back if assaulted as it would make matters worse. Still today there are many people that believe this. From my own personal experience - YOU MUST FIGHT BACK! Reflecting back to my assault, if I had not fought back breaking free from the grip of my assailant's hands around my throat, I would not be alive today. I was never taught anything about intuition, awareness, warning signs, how to use my mind, body or spirit to "defend myself". All I knew at that moment in time and deep inside was that I had to escape. I had to survive. I had to fight back! "INSTINCTIVELY" I FOUGHT BACK WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING! Yes, I was hurt physically, emotionally and mentally; I was bruised and sore and I had a journey ahead of myself that would impact the rest of my life.

Today it is imperative for every female of all ages including those disabled and those with special needs to acquire and retain "life skills" beyond those to assist us in making our dreams comes true. No one likes the words "self-defense, personal safety, safety skills" and why is that?

Personal safety is not all warm and fuzzy. Learning life saving skills of any kind is uncomfortable for many. The thought of being assaulted is gut wrenching and the fear that it brings to the surface is real. You have to be taught how to embrace your fear, making it your best friend. You have to understand what intuition is. You must learn how to escape effectively. And, yes.....you have to learn how to physically defend yourself if you need to. You have to be taught and experience the "warrior mentality and spirit". You do have every right to protect and defend yourself if you are in fear for your life.

First and foremost, "personal safety" is not martial arts training. It is not fighting, it is not a sport, it IS about obtaining physical skills or taking a course to learn how you can protect and defend yourself. Personal safety is part of "life skills". Many feel that learning personal safety is empowering - in actuality it's about how to effectively and quickly end an attack with minimum damage to you. In personal safety training you are not trained to stay in there for ten rounds, females do not fight with strength - we fight with knowledge. Learning skills to mentally and verbally deescalate a situation can be life saving in itself.

Females are seeking information on how to stay safe by being proactive and/or how to effectively fight back physically. We do not have years to study and to train in order to feel more secure. Personal safety is a conscious, proactive approach to life. It is comprised of a series of both learned and inherent behavioral and cognitive options, awareness and intuition that can be used to avoid an altercation/attack. Training should include boundary setting information, verbal communication, safety tips and a series of physical personal safety options which could be used as a last resort if you were to encounter a physical altercation. The physical techniques taught should be geared to the age group and the ability to learn easily and effectively. Instructors (males and females) should be certified in a specific system. Only male instructors should use "realistic" padded gear for "true life" scenario physical training; hence you can feel the impact of your defense as well as the instructor. Instructors must have the ability to physically feel your defense so that if you need further assistance or instruction it can be addressed at that moment. Training should also offer "realistic or real life" situations using what is readily available to you (your mind and body).

Keep in mind that there is not one type of personal safety training that can give you a 100% guarantee - there are no guarantees. Anyone can be victimized. Once you have completed a course it's up to you to put the information you obtained and trained with to work for you in your day-to-day life.

Your ability to effectively use the physical defense training options that you learn will be dependent upon your ability to remember what you learned and your willingness to practice. You must practice with intensity and regularity what you have learned.

Perhaps now you have a better understanding why it is imperative for females to obtain personal safety training and how to go about seeking a program for you, your loved ones, friends, and colleagues.

Those of us that have either lived through an assault, witnessed a family member or friend assaulted or worked as a certified advocate can tell you that the emotional, mental and physical damage that is a direct result of abuse or an assault just may have been spared if perhaps personal safety had been incorporated into her daily life.

How much is your life worth?

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Anny Jacoby is a Survivor of Domestic Violence, taking the steps to turn the negatives into positives and following her passion to help victims into her life's work. After many years as a certified Advocate she founded her company, The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company which is based on a realistic approach for females to protect themselves in all respects. Anny is a firm believer that EVERY female has the absolute right to protect and defend herself mentality, emotionally, spiritually and ultimately physically.

Anny's experience and achievements have been featured through many media outlets. She has been a featured guest on many BlogTalkRadio shows as well as co-hosting. She is an active member in the National and North Carolina Coalitions Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, AWSDA (American Women's Self-Defense Association), The National Center for Victims of Crime and NAPW (National Association of Professional Women). Anny has also served on the Board of Directors and held an executive position in her county domestic violence agency.

Anny and her team of male Instructors are Certified PDR (Personal Defense Readiness) Instructors through Blauer Tactical Systems, Inc.

"Raising female awareness and skills to reduce susceptibility in response to violence."
www.annyjacoby.com