The Defeatist Attitude of the Domestic Violence Movement: The Need for Prevention

By Lyn Twyman

There's a defeatist attitude in the domestic violence movement in this country.  There are several state coalitions and organizations that instead of coming together and finding solutions, they bicker, whine and complain about why things aren't working.  They are keeling over in the wallow of despair and have become more concerned with the continuous band aid remedy instead of writing a prescription (words in part by Susan Murphy-Milano) for the domestic violence epidemic.  They lack the utilization of prevention, intervention and technology to keep victims and the public at large safe.  As a result, newer, more comprehensive methods like the Mosaic Method, The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit, and now the National Domestic Violence Registry are being embraced in growing numbers throughout the United States in response to the lack of prevention in this country. 

Recently I spoke with the executive director of one of the largest state domestic violence coalitions in the country.  Within the first minute of phone introductions, the executive director was almost hollering at the top of her voice at this mild mannered, gracious advocate.  Her voice was filled with anger and a heaviness of breath as if she was about to explode.   I am a survivor of domestic violence and I made that very clear to her in our conversation, not some person who is far removed from this issue.  That didn't matter to her, however.  Her words to me were, "Most of us are survivors so that's neither here nor there."  Ladies and gentlemen, these were the words of the leader of an organization whose mission is to help victims of domestic violence!  And what was she so upset about?  She was upset at the fact that she returned my call to discuss The National Domestic Violence Registry and desire to engage in a friendly dialogue of solutions to the problem of domestic violence.  After all, her organization came highly recommended from several sources.  Never did I think that she would become an angry individual over the phone in just a matter of seconds.

The executive director proceeded to make comments like a sex offender registry was better than a domestic violence registry, that victims will end up in the registry, that a registry will cost millions of dollars, that a domestic violence registry won't work!  But I'd like to publicly rebut those comments here:

No. 1 For any domestic violence advocate to deny her own cause and minimize victims is appalling and a sick tragedy to the movement of helping crime victims especially, in this case, domestic violence. 

No. 2 The National Domestic Violence Registry has created a model where we encourage the states to take a greater look at repeat offender records.

No. 3 Domestic violence is causing this country billions of dollars each year in just its aftermath alone.  Millions of dollars is nothing compared to the billions that are wasted on cleaning up the gruesome battlefield.  As the saying goes, 'An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.'  There’s no price tag that can be placed on any person’s life.

No. 4 A domestic violence registry, just like any program, will work if it's run effectively.  There are many coalitions and organizations that have programs now that aren't effective.  So to that executive director, her statement was one of a curious, eyebrow raising sort, not a resilient, hopeful one.  And aren’t we to be positive change makers if we are to continue to help victims survive this battlefield?

Why aren't some of these coalitions focusing more on prevention with the funding and man power that they currently have? I believe it's because many organizations, like the sounds of that executive director, are simply burned out, defeated by working in a system for 15 to 30 years.  Additionally, to that executive director, she mentioned carrying the frustration at going through domestic violence records, finding it hard to determine who the real victims are.  But frustration will get us NO WHERE.  What she has managed to do is to become so desensitized that to me the evidence of compassion burnout has dominated her speech and rationale. Change is not too much to ask for those who are living in the nightmare of domestic violence or for those who have lost a loved one to it.

Many people said the sex offender registry would not work but it does work, and it's very telling when an executive director for one of the largest domestic violence coalitions says that a sex offender registry is better than a domestic violence registry, again denying her own cause.  Why are advocates like this ED giving up and even discriminating against the very people they're paid to help.  Why are they choosing to fight against the legislatures that are trying to help them and others in the community?   We all know that help is hard to find these days and it seems that victim services are being stale mated in part by the very people who say they want to help.  So we are truly at a sad state right now in this country because of this unhealthy mentality.   Talk about unhealthy relationships, there are unhealthy mentalities within the domestic violence movement and it's quite sickening.  According to Benjamin Lichtenwalner, founder of Modern Servant Leader, he writes, “frustration is a sign that you may be focused on yourself and not the needs of others. Therefore, as a leader in you[r] organization, frustration should be a warning sign to you as well. When you feel frustrated, remember your calling as a leader to serve those you lead, first.”  Leaders of domestic violence organizations should work extra hard to avoid letting frustration overtake them as to avoid lashing out at strangers and fellow advocates so solutions to helping victims can be created and more prevention takes place in this country.

Had the executive director not chosen to lash out at me, maybe she would have learned more about The National Domestic Violence Registry and all of the wonderful educational models and programs we promote, created by survivors, survivors of lost loved ones, and even leading experts.  Her assumptions were wrong and quite closed minded, a ‘Let’s cut her off at the chase because it’s either my way or the high way’ thought process, no respect for the person she chose to call back.  But as I told that executive director, domestic violence registries are not going away, and instead of working with the states, organizations, and survivors that want to see change in this way, organizations like hers are fighting against women and men that want more preventative solutions.  Like I said, it's time to stop putting band aids on the problem and start writing prescriptions.

There are thousands and thousands of repeat offenders of domestic violence each year including misdemeanor and felonious civil and criminal offenders.   These are the ones who belong in the registry.  Yes, it's a given that some state laws have to be changed, but the assumption on the part of some domestic violence coalitions and organizations who just continue to make excuses against prevention models, instead of saying 'How can we make this work?', is getting quite old and more and more people are dying to domestic violence.  And it's not necessarily that all of those said orgs just don't want change, it's that they're afraid and stuck on old ways of thinking.  And yes, some of them are afraid of losing funding. 

The realities that victims face today include modern day complications that require modern day solutions.  The domestic violence movement has progressed but there are some that are stuck back in time 15 years ago, advocate organizations and law makers alike.  That's why it's important to work together, not go on the attack at survivors, organizations and legislatures who finally decide to speak up. This crabs in a barrel, defeatist attitude feeds the abusers and re-victimizes the victims.  It doesn’t empower the victims into becoming survivors nor help the families that have lost loved ones.  It doesn't help in shattering the silence of domestic violence.  The sad thing about it is, this defeatist attitude will continue to keep all of us in a losing battle if we don't create and implement more preventative solutions very soon.  There's no more time for the domestic violence field to poke its mouth out and pout any longer.

So to the women and male survivors, to the children survivors, to the elderly survivors, to the disabled survivors, to the LGBT survivors, and to the families and friends that grieve everyday for lost loved ones, I say this to you, you are not forgotten.  The National Domestic Violence Registry and its partners will not bear a defeatist attitude.  We have a team of experts and supporters that want to see change and we welcome EVERYONE with an idea on how to make prevention stronger in this country. 

They said ending slavery was a bad idea.  They said desegregation was a bad idea.  They said the feminist movement was a bad idea.  They said The National Sex Offender Registry was a bad idea.  So let's end the slavery of domestic violence, the fear that causes even coalition executive directors to lash out at those they say they have committed to serve.  The National Domestic Violence Registry and public state registries aren't bad; they are indeed good and to the benefit of the public at large.

Domestic violence is the number 1 killer of women in this country.  We all have the right to know if someone is a repeat domestic abuse offender.  It's better to find out in order to prevent the assault from occurring again than to lie over a casket and cry aloud to the high heavens 'I wish he/she had known'.  And yes, a registry will be a deterrent against repeat offenders.  The evidence won’t be in more deaths, it will be in people becoming more aware of repeat offenders, the seriousness of these offenses, and making more informed decisions. This will logically result in fewer deaths.  So the time is here; the time is now.  Don't talk about why something can't work; talk about why it will work and save lives. 

And now I’d like to leave you with this.  The Japanese have a bond of unity, a tradition called "ittai," which means to become one body.  In the midst of national crises, they have learned to organize themselves and support each other without little instruction from the government or outside interception.   Domestic violence is one of our country’s national crises.  The domestic violence field can take a big lesson from the Japanese and practice some “ittai”.

Domestic Violence and Immigration

By Lyn Twyman

I was 5 years old when I heard one of my parents frequent arguments end with a loud smacking sound.  I had just walked in the front door after the school bus had dropped me off in front of my house from a day at kindergarten to the loud yelling and arguing of my parents, unfortunately something I had grown accustomed to.  If you can imagine my father was well over 6 feet with a loud bellowing voice, my mother just under 5 feet.  With frustration and anger my father struck my mother, leaving a bright red hand mark on the left side of her fair, Asian face.  This was the first time I saw the expression of resentment and hate in my mother’s face for everything that led to that point.  That act of violence shattered the facade that my parents had built up to try to hide the truth from me, that their marriage was a sham and in no way functional.  There were deeply rooted problems within their relationship and after that moment my eyes were wide open to them.  Later I would realize there were great amounts of psychological and emotional abuse in my parent’s relationship that would be directed solely towards me.

My father was an American born in the south, a victim of abuse and neglect by an alcoholic father who was void of most emotion, except anger and depression spurred by the bottle.  My mother, the eldest of her siblings, grew up in third-world poverty with an extremely controlling mother.  In 1977, my mother started receiving pen pal letters from my father.  She became enamored with the idea of a man she had never met before, a man who promised to take care of her and give her a better life, more than what she could have ever imagined.  About a year later when my mother was 23, she immigrated to the United States.

The man who wrote such beautiful words on paper was not reflective of the man my mother met when she came to the U.S. and in less than a month, the fairy tale was over. The stark realities of the deception, lack of respect and obsession over my mother’s every movement was too much to endure. My mother however, was fearful to leave my father with the domestic violence taking place.  My father, a man ridden with personality disorders, would admit years later that his choice to marry my mother was due to the amount of “submissiveness” women like her had for their husbands and the ability to “teach” them and make them become what he wanted.

Unfortunately the story of my parents is not unique. It bears many similarities to the stories of many immigrants who find themselves in relationships where domestic violence is present.  One thing that remains consistent however, as with many instances of domestic violence, is there is one person that seeks to have control over the other who is thought to be weaker.

Women and men have shared with me their personal experiences, and those of other immigrants who were involved in domestic violence relationships that they knew.  I began hearing similarities in the stories:

• Victims had little interaction with people other than their partner or lived in complete isolation.
• Victims were eventually embarrassed by their partner regarding their own language and culture.
• Communication decreased over time with their families in their homeland.
• Finances were controlled by the abusive partner.
• The partner threatened to have them deported or have their children taken away from them if they showed signs of fighting back or escaping.

So many of these stories also began sounding familiar as I realized my mother had faced the same problems with my own father.

Help for Immigrants

Immigrants who are dealing with domestic violence face many challenges unlike those around them because of language and culture barriers.  Whether waiting for citizenship or seeking refugee status, immigrant victims of domestic violence do have rights and can get help to protect themselves from abuse.  There are organizations like American Immigration Lawyers Association, The National Immigration Project, The Tahirih Justice Center,  WomensLaw.org and specialty organizations like The Asian Pacific American Legal Resource Center,  that help with direct services or referrals at little or no cost.   It is important that immigrant victims get trained advocates to support and assist them in the proper steps to make themselves and their children safer, whether the abuse is physical or not.  Another good online resource is the following link:  http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/immigration.shtml that talks more in depth about the issue and addresses aspects of the immigration process.  Also the spouses and children of U.S. citizens can self-petition to obtain lawful permanent residency under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA).  VAWA also allows certain battered immigrants to seek safety and independence from the abuser by filing for immigration relief without the abuser’s assistance or knowledge. 

Domestic violence is wrong, period.  A person’s nationality does not exclude them from the physical and emotional pain that is inflicted from domestic violence.  The best thing we can do as advocates is to remember the warning signs of abuse, stay informed about the issue,  spread awareness and encourage our Federal immigration system to strengthen laws and distribute violence and abuse awareness materials, making them available in multiple languages to each person that comes to their offices and websites.

I am encouraged about the amount of work that has been done with this issue compared to my mother’s time as an immigrant but there is still much work to be done in raising awareness about the problem.  If you see someone who displays signs of being a victim, offer them in confidence the resources they can go to for help.  You will be surprised how far a bit of information and slice of humanity can go to help save a life and lead someone to new found freedom, hope and truly a much better life.

Mental Illness: Does it Deserve a Pass?

By Lyn Twyman

On February 4th, 24 year old Jessica Blackham of Greenville, SC gave birth to a baby boy.  She immediately abandoned the infant in the toilet of the arena where she had just finished watching a circus show.  It was approximately 90 minutes before the baby was found by maintenance workers.  Now Jessica is charged with unlawful neglect of a child and felony child abuse.  News about the case now is unnervingly quiet.

Video of news report:  http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/abandoned-newborns-mother-arrested/1d0vputy0?src=v5:share:v5:share:permalink&from=sharepermalink-v5:share:permalink >

For this mother to dispose of her child, who is now fighting for his life from being abandoned in a toilet, is a sickening act of inhumanity and cruelty.  Stories like this are extremely disturbing and add another dynamic to family violence that we often don't think about, when people make arguments that because of a mental disorder they abuse others and therefore should be given some type of leniency. 

Blackham and her parents claim they didn't know she was pregnant, although she is currently the biological mother of a 4 year old.  Well, thanks to Discovery Health Channel's "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" I guess we're going to see more and more women use this very same alibi when they don't want to keep their children.  To add further insult to injury, Blackham is still out of jail under the judge’s ruling that while out on bond, she must hold down a job, cooperate with Department of Social Services and not leave her county.  This monster, Jessica Blackham, is still roaming the streets even though she disposed of her child like human waste, a crime punishable by a 30 year jail sentence!  Blackham also claims she doesn’t remember the incident after going to the public restroom that evening on February 4^th.  So since she abandoned her child in a toilet and supposedly can’t remember, does she really need to be out in society among the rest of us? 

This society is too quick to use mental illness, the insanity plea or claim amnesia when crime is committed.  We are too quick to blame mental disorders for the violence that people commit, as if the disorder made the person raise their fist, or shoot the gun or in this case leave a baby in a toilet.  Additionally, Blackham had enough sense to check herself into a hospital after she delivered her innocent, helpless baby but wouldn’t do the same for her son. 

Video of news report: http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/mother-granted-bond-in-abandoned-baby-case/1d0x7rusz?src=v5:share:v5:share:permalink&from=sharepermalink-v5:share:permalink

Or this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_wA2c_4eHU >

So where do we draw the line and say enough is enough?  Despite alleged medical claims for a scape goat, people still must pay for their crimes.  The fact that monster Blackham is still roaming the streets and not confined to a mental institution at the least until her next trial is a disgrace and a huge failure on the part of the judicial system.  If this had been a man who abandoned their child in a toilet and claimed the same argument as Blackham, do you think he would get the same treatment as she?  Or if Blackham were of another race, would she still be allowed to run the streets?  Why does she go free while a woman who hangs a dog for chewing her Bible in practically the same community is confined to a detention center?  Just click here for the story.  These are valid arguments that we have to explore when it comes to justice. 

I don’t believe justice is being served for the rest of society and especially for that poor innocent baby, now fighting for his life, when a judge lets a woman back out on the street that leaves her baby in a toilet.    What kind of hell is this?  We have been at a sad loss for a long time in our judicial system when people who commit heinous acts can plead insanity or memory loss and still maintain their freedom while people who commit petty crimes have their whole lives practically destroyed. 

Jessica Blackham, if you didn’t want your child, why not leave him somewhere like a hospital or adoption facility?  You almost killed your baby and he may be damaged now for life because of you.  Mentally ill or not, you don’t need to be running the streets to endanger the rest of our children.  Justice needs to be served for the poor baby and for all of the other children that suffered at the hands of dangerous, murderous parents.  Jessica Blackham needs to be confined, to serve her time and the judicial system needs a drastic overhaul.

When Family and Friends Compromise Your Security

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By Lyn Twyman 

Many of us are brought up with the belief that we should be able to trust our family for everything, our safety, security, emotional and physical well being but for some of us, the family has proven to be the most hurtful and even most dangerous battle ground we will ever encounter. Survivors and family violence advocates can attest to this all the time, making it almost become a myth that the family is the safest environment. I've talked to many people who have shared their deep, painful pasts about loved ones, mothers, fathers, siblings and spouses who have betrayed them through abuse. When a family member abuses you, it becomes an unsettling, traumatic experience to say the least. We feel that we can no longer trust others and ask ourselves how can we ever trust others again?

So what happens if you ask for help or just mere moral support from a family member to get you through or even after the abuse, only for you to learn they too cannot be trusted, that they actually went to the abuser and disclosed private information about you? At that point you don't know all that has been said but through some event, you learn that this once trusted family member has indeed betrayed your trust and with the abuser of all people. This revelation burns at your core and eats away at you, perhaps making you feel vulnerable. It makes you wonder if they ever believed you in the first place. It re-victimizes you.

Whether the offending family member ever believed the abuse did occur or not does not matter at this point. You now have an obligation to yourself to remain physically and emotionally safe from any further abuse. You also have to wonder how many people have lost their lives to abusers, not because the system failed but because family members failed and failed miserably, either by calling the abuser, writing them or even befriending them on social media sites, disclosing personal information about you. What I have found about people who are so willing to go to abusers, and violate your trust as the victim, is they are often susceptible at being manipulated and victimized as well. In this case, they have been manipulated by the abuser, charmed into gaining the abuser's trust so the abuser can acquire more information about you. All the abuser wants to do is continue his bondage and control over you and the family member is allowing themselves to be used as a tool.

Abusers rarely stop abusing; they rarely stop victimizing and abuse is like an addiction. If you take away the drug of abuse, all the abuser wants is to go back and abuse more. They get an adrenaline high from controlling and hurting the object of their abuse, the victim. Abusers never completely let go and let's face it, someone who has lived their life in attempts to psychologically and physically control others isn't just going to give it up. It's an addiction.

So, as a survivor, you've worked hard to get away from this abusive person and you're thrown this curve ball by a family member you thought you could trust who goes back to the abuser and discloses information about you, your whereabouts, address, pictures, updates on your lifestyle, work, new friends and acquaintances, etc. What do you do? How do you handle this? With all cards put aside, now you are left with a dynamic  shift in your relationship with the family member or even friend. There are four things I want to share that I believe may help you:

1. Remember your safety is first and foremost - When someone discloses personal information about you to the abuser, you can never guarantee from that point on what that person says is truth. You can only assume and assumptions are not good enough when it comes to your life. Take all necessary steps to find out as much as you can from the family member in terms of what they repeated back to the abuser. From there take the necessary actions to be extra cautious, either way. Change your phone number, email address, driving routes, ask for a schedule change at work if possible, increase security at your home or even move. You may have to notify a neighbor to be on the lookout for any suspicious activity and don’t neglect to notify your local police depending on the severity of your circumstance with the abuser.

2. Remember you have a right to your privacy that not even the police have the right to disclose your whereabouts - The family member who chose to share personal information about you has taken a liberty upon themselves that even the police nor a private investigator cannot do under law and that's disclose someone's whereabouts and other data without that person's consent or without a court order. What the family member did was wrong and there is nothing that can justify it. Whether the breach in your privacy occurred because of their lack of judgment or because of malice does not matter. Again your safety is first and foremost beyond their motives.

3. Give a written warning and perhaps a verbal warning to the family member or friend - Let the family member know what they did was wrong, they are not to divulge personal information about you and if you have warned them before about your right to privacy, remind them again. State specifically, ‘I do not want you sharing my information to anyone about me without my consent, not even to people you believe I may know and not even to my abuser.’ Also let them know that if you are hurt as a result of their actions with the abuser or the abuser’s acquaintances, they can be held legally responsible for your endangerment.

4. Distance yourself from that family member or friend who breached your trust - It's obvious they lack the necessary concern, discernment and care they need to have for your situation so again, for your safety, it may be more than wise to eliminate any further communication with the family member. As mentioned before, you may have to change your phone number, email, work schedule, etc.

The scars left behind by abusers run deep no matter if the abuse was physical or non-physical. NO ONE has the right to make any decision on your behalf, especially when it comes to your personal and private information. Be careful who you speak with and what you say to them or what you post online, even to family members. Know that your life, happiness and well being is precious and extremely valuable. No one has the right to take that away from you and you have rights even when it comes to family.

Dedicated to Those Who Still Have a Fighting Chance

By Lyn Twyman

It's been almost 11 years ago that I met a beautiful young man who was dying of cancer at the tender age of 18.  I had heard about his struggle with cancer in the local newspaper and new that someone needed to reach out to him and his family.  I was working a full time job then so I asked my preacher at the time if he would pay this young man a visit and he promised me he would.  After 2 or 3 weeks had gone by, I learned that my preacher had not kept his word and I became livid.  'Why am I giving this man my tithe money when he can't even get his ass in the car and visit someone who is sick as the rest of us are at work struggling to make a living?' I thought.  

I then made the decision to make the visit myself and I asked another church member, who knew the family of the young man, if she would go with me to visit them after I got off from work.  She agreed and in the cold and chill of December, we drove down an old, back country road to a white cottage in the darkness of the night out in the woods.  Once we arrived at the home, we were met by some of the friendliest of people, given the circumstances.  The new friend that I met that night, who I always call now my Charlie, was laying in the living room on his hospital bed, connected to a morphine pump as his source of pain relief and sustenance. 

What happened that night I have never forgotten as I watched this young man, who did not have much left to his frail being, wake from his sleep  and he began speaking to me, though he couldn't see me as the cancer had taken most of his sight.  We talked and I learned about his favorite instrument, his favorite sport, even his favorite flower.  I also prayed with him that night asking God to be by his side and Charlie received assurance that he would go to meet his Maker.  Minutes later, he drifted back to sleep but before he did, I gave him a red Bible. 

Charlie died three days later on December 26th and after speaking with his mother after the funeral had taken place, I learned that he was buried with the same Bible I had given him.  I also learned from his mother that the visit I had paid him gave him renewed strength that she had not seen from him in a while.   He was a more cheerful person in his last three days, making mention of me several times and wanting to know where his Bible was.  On Christmas day, after weeks of not eating because of the effects from the morphine, he awoke asking to get dressed and ate his last meal ever with his family.  I didn't know that the time I had left to reach him wasn't that long.  I didn't know that Charlie was on the verge of death the night we went to see him.  The local newspaper had minimized the state of his condition. 

Just like my angel, Charlie, whose life was claimed by a gruesome disease called cancer, there are many victims of domestic violence who are also on the verge of death.  If you and I don't get to them, don't talk to them, don't reach out to them soon, and just wait for other people and organizations to do the work when you and I are just as capable, then it just may be too late.  If we can save them or offer some kind of hope to help them move on and be empowered to take the next steps, then we've doing our job. 

I know my Charlie died, but he needed someone to come to him and give him some kind of hope as his fate was near.  For those who are being victimized by domestic violence, they still have a fighting chance, however, and that's the point I want to get across today. 

 So I challenge all of us who are fighting for the rights of victims of domestic violence, sexual assault to crime victimization, please remember that each person deserves the help and support.  It’s not too late. Each person deserves to be kept safe from their abuser and out of harm’s way with whatever it takes.  Judges, prosecutors, police officers and advocates reading this, ask yourselves are your departments doing all they can do to protect victims?  Politicians and legislators, are you passing laws to keep victims safe or what’s holding you back from making the right decisions to protect your citizens?  Is it that one little clause in a bill that needs to be modified that’s preventing you from voting on it?  If so, then for Heaven’s sake come to a compromise, get it changed and pass that bill!  And family, friends, co-workers, what’s keeping you from talking to the person you love or know about getting help as they are being abused? 

If all of us wait for the next guy to come around, just like the lazy preacher I once had, what we’re called to do by Divine Intervention, Providence or Karma will never happen.  So let’s take the time to make this coming holiday and new year a time to be more proactive in our fight for all of humanity.  There are some things we just know we must do that are right.  Someone needs you.  Don’t let anything hold you back.

~Dedicated to my Charlie.  Called home to be with his Maker December 26, 1999.~

The Power of Media

By Lyn Twyman

Media is one of the most powerful tools that exists.  When organizations and the government cannot help, media continues to be one of the few resources left for citizens and those victimized.  When there's little money for lawyers and representation, media will always be there to help people fight back and make their voices heard.  We cannot be afraid to use this powerful tool to raise awareness and educate. 

Media enlightens, helps to unravel mysteries and documents history as it unfolds.  Whether we're looking at movies, documentaries, PSA's or the internet, media will always be there to bear public record of our plight, fight and spread our message far and wide when we're unable to break barriers otherwise.  Activists often use media to get the attention of agencies and politicians who will not step in to address an issue until it reaches a tipping point.

This October, Domestic Violence Awareness Month is used as the pivotal time of year for many groups to increase awareness about the issue.  But increased awareness should not come just one time a year.  It has to be an ongoing, collective effort within the entire field.  So I want to challenge all of us to take a new look at the way we utilize media to spread the message of our causes.  If you haven't developed your own media approach, you may want to consider it.  Media can be vlogs, blogs, websites, movies, documentaries, interviews, radio and articles.  You can broadcast or distribute your message locally, regionally, nationally or globally. 

Some of you may think you don't or won't have an audience for your message.  According to the CIA World Factbook, as of July 2009 there was an average of 6.8 billion people living on earth so you are bound to have an audience for your message.  But you don't want to just grab people's attention, you want to get people to really think about your issue by presenting them with a genuine message and offer solutions.

Celebrity Status

Some of you who run organizations may be thinking 'I need a celebrity to back my cause,' but you really don't.  While most people will gravitate towards celebrities, one thing to keep in mind is the moment they get involved in a crime or scandal, support for your cause can dwindle because the public has identified your cause with the celebrity instead of identifying your message and solutions you propose. So this goes back to the point I made previously that you don't just want to grab society's attention, you want to get society to make decisions and act.    Having a celebrity involved in any form of media always helps to draw attention to a cause and it's even more helpful when that famous person continues using their influence in society on a consistent basis for your cause.  Take for example, there is a long list of celebrities that support anti-violence but only a handful consistently goes into the community and do work for domestic violence. 

In addition, celebrities with the wrong message and execution can be just as damaging to a cause.  Take for example the video "Love the Way You Lie" with Eminem and Rihanna and the recent domestic violence PSA with David Arquette and Courteney Cox.   According to comments that were posted throughout the internet, both forms of media sent mixed messages to viewers, leaving some uncomfortable instead of drawing them closer to learn more about the issue.  Eminem and Rihanna’s gig may have portrayed “dual” domestic violence but it was oversexed and over sensationalized.  David Arquette and Courteney Cox used unclean humor that reminded many of sexual victimization and borderline gay jokes.  There's a difference between taking the public on an emotional roller coaster for mere publicity and actually delivering a message to bring transformative and impactful change to society.  You want people to be compelled to openly share your message.

So don't be over shadowed by Hollywood and think you have to be someone glitzed and glamoured in order to be heard.  Your cause DOES NOT need a celebrity but your cause does need YOU.  Real social changers that use media to help further a cause typically are not celebrities.  They start out as everyday people with a mission and a vision.    It's by their good works they are known and not by the money, the hair, the movie lines or Photo shopped pics that gets the job done. 

Audience and Messaging

Know your audience and make sure your message is sincere, genuine and relevant.  This may sound like common sense but what sounds good to you may not sound good to most of the people in your audience.  Try to picture yourself hearing your own message for the first time and objectively consider how it would make you react.  The message should be heartfelt and go beyond talking points.  What information do you have for your audience? How can they relate to the issue?  What do you want them to do about the problem? 

Your messaging should also be clear and consistent.  Avoid reinventing your message too often and execute new media campaigns at appropriate times.  You should be reaching your audience with a defined issue.  Your audience in turn is waiting to see what relevant information you will give them about the issue.  Sometimes the audience doesn't even know they need to hear your message.  People will also sense confusion in your own work when your messaging is not consistent and will start to not take you seriously when your messaging changes too frequently so take time to really study your message.

Beware of Snakes in the Grass

Occasionally, you'll run into activists, organizations and entertainment producers that are nothing more than snakes in the grass.  As much as we'd like to believe everyone in our field of activism has the right motives there are those few who truly do not.   Their goals are disingenuous and motives lead to victimization or the re-victimization of others.  Media influence is powerful; that's why it's a multi-billion dollar industry.  So when you're looking to launch a media campaign, don't use broad statements, hype words or name drop.  Many people make the mistake of putting out false information which can be verified and their creditability becomes questioned because of something they put into their own media.  Remember, just because a person says they are doing something doesn't mean they are really doing it so do your homework and check their statements, even other advocates.  Make sure that what you say you too are also doing so you don't become a snake in the grass yourself and lose your creditability.

I want to challenge all of us in the next year to increase our own media outreach.  Use your Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, website, blogs and tag your posts.  Reach out to your local newspapers, magazines, radio and t.v.  Don't wait for a celebrity, organization or the government; do it yourself. 

So tap into your list of contacts and see who can help you to get the word out and spread it.  If we keep speaking up and loud enough with the right message, the voices of mere individuals talking at once becomes a massive crowd of activists making a sound that cannot be ignored, becoming unified.  Most of all, survivors and families will get the help they need and deserve because people will begin to listen and act.

Lyn Twyman is the Founder of Courage Network, a community for domestic violence survivors, family & friends, advocates, professionals and organizations. 

The Non-Profit Dilemma, Intentions Are Not Enough

By Lyn Twyman

Many of us enjoy giving to support causes.  Chances are that if you are reading this article, you support causes that help those affected by domestic violence and crime victimization.  As a non-profit consultant, I've seen some non-profits do great work but I've also seen non-profits practically do no work at all to help the community, plagued with poor management, misuse of funds and misrepresentations of their mission and programs.  Money is being spent but not going to help the community and staff members are just being kept employed.  Non-profits have an important duty and obligation to be fiscally responsible to the public, to spend their money appropriately and in the right manner.  There is a difference between non-profit and for-profit, between charities and businesses. 

So why am I talking about this today?  Because most of us  encounter or interact with non-profits all the time and either give our money or volunteer our time to at least one.  Bottom line, if an organization cannot put the money you give them substantially back into meeting the needs of the people they claim they serve, you are better off saving your money until you meet someone personally who needs the help  then giving to them directly. 

We often wonder why victims across the country and families are not being helped and why awareness for domestic violence and crime victimization is still low.    Do you ever wonder why awareness and programs are never enough and seem almost non-existent?  In some cases, it's because organizations are not putting their money where their mouth is.   Many of us have heard the stories.  You call an organization and someone on the other end of the phone says, 'We can't help you' or 'Why are you calling us?' and they give you another number to call somewhere else.  Here's another classic example, 'We just do research.'  That's why some  non-profits should stop the charitable talk and just become businesses because for many of them, having a dream is not enough to carry out a vision.  Some have marketing budgets out the water when there are plenty of skilled professionals and volunteers who can do the same work but for a fraction of the cost.  Instead of finding innovative ways to collaborate with other organizations to stretch their outreach, they just continue to take donations and grants until people start to notice there's something wrong.

So when dealing with a charity, don't be afraid to ask questions.  If a charity spends less than a third of its budget on the programs and services it exists to provide then it's in deep trouble and the program is not being run efficiently.  So below, I've included some helpful things you need to know when working with a non-profit.

Why non-profit work is profitable

·         The chance of collecting lots of money for a cause and getting people excited about the mission is great.

·         Job security.  Employees can stay employed for years and make decent salaries, especially paid founders or executive directors for the organization.

·          Tax shelters for founding members such as founders or executive directors. 

Warning signs your non-profit may be in trouble

·         Tax status is in question.  Ask the charity if they are a 501(c)(3) or their exact status.  If they have no status at all, they're not registered to be a non-profit. 

·         Many initiatives and programs but no evidence of accomplishing any of them.  The organization may constantly be reinventing themselves, campaign after campaign after campaign with no reported results.

·         No real evidence they are doing anything about the problem in the community.  It may seem they are exploiting the issue and using big words in their messaging but there are no numbers to show who they have helped and how.

·         Inactive board members.  Board members are the governance of the organization so find out who they are, their background and their level of involvement.

·         Lack of response to phone calls or emails.

·         Little to no partnerships with other organizations that do similar work .  A partner in this case is not a corporate or money sponsor put another organization that provides programs and services to help the community.

·         High turn over in management and staff.

·         Big on selling products especially items that are royalty producing such as books, cd's and dvd's. 

What can you do?

·         Be smart, understand and don't assume.  Ask to see results.  Know what programs the organization is offering and where your money is going.    It's not enough to be moved by the cause.  Ask yourself, 'Can I really trust XYZ non-profit to do what they say they're going to do with my money, or am I just assuming they're going to do something good with it?'.  Question whether their messaging uses hyper jargon or can it tell you exactly what they're doing.   

·         Look up your organization's tax return called a Form 990 at Guidestar.org and see whether they're being run efficiently at http://www2.guidestar.org/rxg/help/faqs/form-990/index.aspx .  Yes, the IRS has made available each and every most recently filed Form 990 free to the public for viewing to encourage givers to stay informed.  There are instances when organizations are not required to file Form 990 and that's discussed in the above link. 

·         When receiving items in exchange for your donation, ask yourself what percentage of sales are tax deductible.  You may be better off giving a simple donation instead of buying their products such as books, cd's and dvd's if little percentage is going back to the organization.

·         You may be better off finding someone to help directly and skip the giving to a non-profit if you cannot locate an organization you can trust with your money.

Want to start a non-profit?

·         Take classes about general management and non-profit work.   There's plenty of free and helpful information online along with paid courses.

·         Understand your social issue.  Again, take classes and get training no matter if you've been affected by the problem directly or not.  Chances are there are many things you need to know about your issue in order to identify what programs you need to develop to help your community. 

·         Take your time and strategically plan the short and long terms goals and objectives of your organization.

·         Form partnerships with like minded organizations, experts and people fighting for your cause.

 

Many charities and community based organizations need your support but they're being hurt by non-profit organizations that don't spend their money responsibly, too much money on marketing, sending too many people on speaking engagements and high overhead costs.  If you own your own non-profit and you're putting money into it yourself, make sure the money is going to help people and you can account for all the spending.   Non-profit work is a responsibility to the public.  Plain and simple.  If your non-profit is showing any of the above mentioned warning signs, it's time to regroup.  Every day, victims are pleading for help and we need more non-profits that will do exactly what they say they're going to do and that is help.

Lynn Twyman is the Founder of Courage Network, a community for domestic violence survivors, family & friends, advocates, professionals and organizations.