Empowering Your Vagina--Part 2

By Diana May-Waldman


Empowering Your Vagina--Part I

I would personally like to see a ban on commercials and television ads that show women walking through fields of flowers, dressed in white telling the public that if you want to feel cleaner and fresher, you need to spray an aerosol deodorant on your vagina.

I always wonder who comes up with this shit? I imagine a bunch of executives (men)sitting around a table and one jumps up and says, "I've got it! Let's spray it!" Then, I have to wonder if there are any women in the room and hope that one might stand up and say, "Now, wait a minute. That's going to far."

I'm sick of advertisements telling me that my vagina needs to be hosed out daily, sprayed, disinfected, shaved, waxed, exfoliated and moisturized.

Fact: The vagina is a self cleaning oven.

Soap and water. Nuff said.

In putting this article together I asked a male friend to give me his opinion about fully shaving a vagina. This is what he said.

" I think it just looks more feminine. If the woman likes receiving oral sex, it just seems more pleasant to the man..I mean, who wants hair in the mouth? On top of that it just makes for more exposure, because guys like to be able to see all of the woman."

First of all, I would have to ask him what defines a feminine vagina? A vagina is a vagina, is a vagina...it's feminine.

So, I decided to research this further and was amazed at what is out there. There are dozens and dozens of pages dedicated to the question of whether to shave or not.

I actually came across an article that gave step by step instructions on how to shave your vagina and it bragged that the procedure can be done in under 30 minutes. I can mow my front lawn in ten minutes. Are they serious?

Then they listed the items you should have on hand to get the process started and step by step instructions.

Trim first, using a comb...attempt to lay the hair down flat, now trim with scissors or clippers. Then take a warm shower, for at least ten or 15 minutes to soften hair follicles, then exfoliate, use body wash, then dab with shaving oil, shave with a triple blade pivoting razor...use a vaginal shield...Yep, you read that right, seems there is now a shield to place around the more sensitive areas...and finally, rinse, pat dry and apply a moisturizers. If you tendency toward red, raised bumps. swipe the area with deodorant.

Then they even added special tips: Shaving while taking a shower, rather than a bath can make things easier because you can prop up legs on side of stall (instead of throwing your leg over your head and wrapping it around the bathroom faucet--okay, they didn't say that, I added it for shits and giggles.}

But, they did say-- If you're daring, you can create pubic hair designs at home. (Scratching my head..if not at home, where? Please tell me there is not a place that you can go to have a special design shaved into your vagina?) Shaving only takes hair even with the skin, waxing will keep hair away weeks at a time. You may want to consider a Brazilian wax. To the Brazilian wax, I say, "Shut the hell up!"

In the end of my research on vaginal shaving, I came to the conclusion that this is a personal preference and the categories include, fully shaven, little on the top, none on the bottom, landing strip, essential trimming and grooming or natural.

I have also learned that women have pubic hair for a reason. The coarse texture is meant to trap dirt and bacteria, and keep it out of the vagina.

It has also been said that pubic hair forms an air pocket to keep the area cool. Without that air pocket, that area can get sweaty, a perfect breeding ground for yeast and bacteria.

Another purpose of pubic hair is to give off pheromones.

With the latter being said {Pheromones) be kind to your vagina. Stop telling your vagina that she is unsightly and that she smells funny and that you need to wax it, hose it, spray it, dress it up, bedazzle it, shave it into hearts and moons and stars, and pierce it.

And lastly, I would like to say..."Don't give me shit and make excuses...if you are going to hose, spray, shave and blah..blah..dress up your vagina for a man, then have unprotected sex with an unfamiliar partner or fail to use birth control when you aren't trying to have a baby, then that tells me that will take the 30 minutes to buy into the crap about how to properly care for your vagina, but won't take the two minutes it takes to protect your vagina.

Empower your vagina.

Diana May-Waldman- Bureau Editor for Worldwide Hippies in Rochester NY. Diana is the author of A Woman’s Song. Her poetry in this book deals with the struggles facing all women and the many facets of being a woman in the world today. She is a strong women’s and children’s advocate. A true example of the Hippie movement's continuing growth and spirit. 

Empowering Your Vagina

Red Canna by Georgia O'Keeffe

By Diana May-Waldman

The title of this series reeks of something from the 1960 or 70s, but there seems to be a shift in what we have learned or have known to be true about our bodies and our vaginas. We seem to be moving backward when it comes to empowering ourselves as women and taking responsibility for our own bodies. And it is starting to scare the hell out of me.

I want to know why women are failing to use birth control? I want to know why women are having children with several different fathers? I want to know why people think the term, “baby mama” and “baby daddy” is appropriate?

Many people are surprised to learn that I am Pro-Life and not Pro choice. But, let me explain why. I am not saying that a woman should NOT have the right to seek an abortion. I am not a black and white thinker and I don’t think all situations are cut and dry. There are exceptions to most everything.

But, in most cases, we are NOT dogs that go around sniffing one another’s butts, then mounting.

I’d like to think we are more civilized than that and we know what we are doing.

We know, most of the time when we are planning on having sex with someone. It is our choice as women to choose who we want to have sex with. So, once we CHOOSE who we are going to engage in sexual intercourse with, our second choice is to CHOOSE our method of birth control. It is and always will be OUR responsibility to protect our own bodies.

If we fail to protect our own bodies, then we have an “OOPS.” An oops means that you failed to protect your body and now you are either pregnant or have a itchy, burning feeling down there. Straight up, no excuses, this means that YOU FAILED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN BODY.

I just thought we were smarter than that. But it happens.

What really irks me is when you, “Oops” again.

Yeah a second oops really gets my blood boiling. You oops again, this time with another man, now giving you two children from two different fathers. Yeah, yeah, it happens and it has become the norm.

But, why?

The 1960s and 70s were decades of advertised free love. It gave women the freedom to go out there and test the waters and not feel ashamed. Gone were the days of Catholic guilt and virgins.

But, why do we always seem to take everything to the extreme?

A friend of mine told me he found out that his 13 year daughter was having consensual sex.

Let’s be honest here—at 13 years old, I didn’t even have a period, I was just getting pubic hair and my breasts were mere buds. I am pretty sure that I was still jumping rope.

I just can’t imagine the responsibility of having sex at 13. And there is that key word. Responsibility. A 13 year old is NOT mature enough to take this kind of responsibility. It’s hard enough to get a 13 year old to do their homework.

At 13, I thought boys were interesting and I had crushes on boys, maybe even a “so-called boyfriend.”

But, my mother taught me better. She didn’t say it was a sin to have sex. She didn’t say only sluts let boys touch them. She flat out told me to have respect for my body and myself. She also said, “Everything comes in time. Don’t grow up to fast,” and she added, “Your first time should be special, because it is something you will always remember.”

Truth is, I am not just going to fuck any guy that comes down the pike. See, this is my vagina and my choice. If I don’t know where your junk has been, then you aren’t putting it into my vagina.

I have said this before and I will say it again, “Would you pick up a piece of unwrapped candy off the floor and put it in your mouth?”

You answer is probably, no.

See, I really do believe that my vagina is a sacred place. Yep, it’s lined in gold. It’s special. I’m special.

Now, if I choose to let you near my vagina, you need to know that there are rules.

1. My vagina hates bullshit and drama.

2. My vagina will NOT let your penis come to the party unwrapped unless I have established a relationship with you and I know your penis is clean and free from disease.

3. My vagina will be confident that I have taken care of birth control BEFORE I invite your penis to the party. Yes, you still have to bring the present wrapped and nine times out of ten, I will provide my OWN wrapping paper, because I don’t know the expiration date on yours.

4. My vagina will NOT under any circumstances let your penis ejaculate carelessly into it.

5. My vagina will not let your penis make an unplanned baby.

Now with that being said, ask yourself what is so hard about following these rules?

I don’t believe that women should have to be virgins. I believe women should know a little something-something and enjoy healthy, consensual sexual relations. But, when did the vagina become a free for all and when did it become so irresponsible? When did the vagina become so unimportant that it became a cum dumpster? Think about that?

I want us to empower our vaginas and respect ourselves. I want to stop seeing young girls with one or more babies. I want us to teach our daughters and youth how to protect themselves.

We live in a world where sex is plastered everywhere. From a young age our children are bombarded with sexual images and subtle messages about sex.

Music videos are filled with sexual images and messages and blatantly encourage girls to “shake it” in a way that makes them attractive to the male gender.

It is long overdue that sexuality and sex education should be continually taught to our children so they can make responsible and educated decisions about sex and fully understand the consequences.

We need to teach our daughters how to empower their vaginas.

Diana May-Waldman- Bureau Editor for Worldwide Hippies in Rochester NY. Diana is the author of A Woman’s Song. Her poetry in this book deals with the struggles facing all women and the many facets of being a woman in the world today. She is a strong women’s and children’s advocate. A true example of the Hippie movement's continuing growth and spirit. 

Tears, Fears and Bullies

By Diane May-Waldman

“We stopped looking for monsters under the bed when we realized they are all inside of us.” – Joe Danger Payne.

The following video seems to be going viral. I couldn’t get through it without a lump rising up in my throat and tears falling down my cheeks. I actually watched it more than once and both times it had the same affect on me. Please take a moment to watch it.

Heart wrenching, right? I imagine that it brought up more than one emotion for you, too. Sadness and anger, all at the same time.

There seems to be stories all over the news these days headlining children and teens that have committed suicide because of bullying. Here where I live, we just lost another teenage girl to suicide because of bullying. We’ve lost a couple this year and seems we haven’t learned anything from it.

I am not exactly sure how to reach children before they kill themselves. I have to wonder if they understand that suicide is permanent solution to a temporary problem. I wonder if they understood that we have all had moments in our lives, when we have wanted to stop the world and get off.

But, it doesn’t work that way.

I have heard people of my generation make comments about bullying that leave me shaking my head. Someone said, “Why can’t they do it the way we did it? Duke it out and be done with it?”

I think times have changed since a lot of us were kids. We didn’t have the Internet. First of all, since we didn’t have the Internet, we played outside and because we played outside, whoever was out there, we played with. All the kids on the street got together and hung out. The Internet has managed to keep people a lot more isolated from real human connections. Physical connections.

Secondly, the Internet and Facebook have made it easier to bully. Cyber bully.  Where at one time, you might be bullied at school, but you could go home and take a break. Not anymore. You sign on to the computer, hop on your facebook page and there it is. And more often than not it carries a mob mentality.

I also think kids tend to me a lot meaner than they were when we were kids. There is just no filter on what they say or do. There is no accountability either.

I would like to think that I never bullied anyone–at least I don’t recall ever bullying anyone. Except a time when I joined a couple of my friends to make fun a of girl with a disability. To this day, it causes me a huge amount of shame. There was a girl who lived a few streets over and she had cerebral palsy. I didn’t know that is what she had at the time, so me and a couple of friends were walking down the street and two of them started to walk like her as we passed her house. Not wanting to be the odd man out, I joined it. I knew it was was wrong and I knew I shouldn’t have been doing it, but I did, because my friends were doing it.

Somehow my mother got wind of it. She didn’t scream at me or whack me in the head with her wooden spoon. She cried and told me how ashamed she was of my behavior and went on to explain that everyone was different and that I did not have the right to make anyone feel bad about themselves. By the time my mother was done talking to me, I wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out. I felt like dirt.

I think teens are pack animals by nature. A lot of inappropriate behavior, we just wouldn’t have engaged in, if we had been alone. We simply folded under peer pressure.

My mother made it clear to me that I was never to act like that again and I never did. Had she gotten another report of this kind of behavior from me, she would have without a doubt taken out her wooden spoon and busted my ass and I would have deserved it.

My mother gave you one warning and if you didn’t heed that warning, you got your ass busted. It was that simple. My mother had a saying. She would always say, “Sometimes God taps you on the shoulder to get your attention and when you don’t listen, he thumps you on the head and that is exactly what I am going to do if you don’t hear me the first time.”

My mother also said, “You KNOW right from wrong.  You know it as sure as I am sitting here and if you choose wrong, you better be prepared for what comes from that decision.”

And she was right.

You would also have to think twice if you thought of bullying one of my mother’s children. She would warn you first and if you didn’t listen, she made no bones about it, that she was going to handle it.

Most of the kids that I grew up with can remember a specific neighbor. Yes, that wretched woman who keeps your ball if it went into her yard. Well, my ball went into her yard and she kept it. I ran across the street and told my mother.

My mother came outside and demanded that she give the ball back to me. My mother waited with her hand on her hip and this woman wasn’t budging. Before I knew it my mother was calling her a bully and telling her that she should be ashamed of herself and then my mother was climbing over that fence telling that woman she was going to kick her ass. The neighbor quickly threw the ball over the fence and never took our ball again.

Walking back home, my mom was like a hero to me and the other neighborhood kids. My mother said to the neighbor, “Bullying is just mean and ignorant.”

My mother didn’t go into the whole psychological reasons that make someone become a bully. She didn’t tell me that maybe they were bullied or didn’t feel good about themselves, therefore they had to pick on someone else.

Because, she didn’t think that way. She believed that TWO WRONGS don’t make a RIGHT. Plain and simple. Just like when she said that bulling was mean and ignorant. Yeah, it’s that simple.

While we may never end all bullying, we can fix the majority of this problem. And it isn’t a problem that plagues the kids. It’s a problem that plagues the parents and adults surrounding this situation. If we know what is going on with our kids, we could stop it. Yet, we seem to busy to want to intervene and know what our kids are doing, until it’s too late.

School can sometimes be a hard place to be. Especially when teens approach puberty. Our brains and bodies are developing at different rates. We want to fit it and be part of the crowd. We do things we might not ordinarily do because being inside group is not as scary as being on the outside of the group.

Schools claim they are understaffed and can’t get a hold on this problem. More often than not, bullies are punished and this often adds flame to the fire. And some kids don’t and won’t report it in fear of retaliation. This is why it is important for schools to have a policy that if you see or know of a student who is being bullied, you can and should report it anonymously.

If we know who the “ring leader” is in the bully mob and who the victim is, we can start there.

What if we put the bully and the victim in a supervised room together? Told them that they each had to find ONE thing they liked about the other. It could be that the other person has great hair, a nice smile, cool shoes…

And what if we gave them a list of 20 questions that each had to answer. What is your favorite video game? Who is your favorite band? Then made those students discuss their answers? What if they had similar answers or were able to talk to one another about their answers? We now have them communicating on a positive level and have showed them that they are not so different. We have now made the bully AWARE that the victim is a human being.

Two school days in a room together, they are now more than likely able to form some type of human connection and bond with one another.

And what if we asked the bully to tell the victim how they feel when they bully and asked the victim to tell the bully how they feel when they are bullied? What if we got down to the heart of the matter?

And just what if we asked both to bring their favorite music or video game in the next day and share it with the other? What if we actually had them spend time together?

What if we stopped putting a band aide on this situation and really took the time to get to the root of the problem?

And what if parents got on board and we all worked together to solve the problem?

Please visit the following website and get your number. Take a stand to stop bullying NOW. Because, bullying isn’t COOL.

http://www.standtogether.tv/

Diana May-Waldman- Bureau Editor for Worldwide Hippies in Rochester NY. Diana is the author of A Woman’s Song. Her poetry in this book deals with the struggles facing all women and the many facets of being a woman in the world today. She is a strong women’s and children’s advocate. A true example of the Hippie movement's continuing growth and spirit. 

I’ll be there for you. Will you be here for me?

By Diana May-Waldman

Beverly Rose Potts disappeared before I was born, but I have always known about her. Her disappearance must have made an impact on my mother, in fact I think it terrified her.

I can no longer even count the times my mother scared the hell out of me by telling me about Beverly Potts.

Beverly disappeared on Friday, August 24, 1951 from Cleveland, Ohio and to date has never been found.

“She was watching the show wagon,” said my mother, “Back then the wagon would go from park to park and entertain people with all sorts of performers.”

This particular night, the show wagon was at Halloran Park, only a couple of blocks from where my grandmother lived.

She went to the show with a friend and a neighbor. When her friend had to be home by dark, Beverly decided she would stay for the whole show.

When Beverly had not returned home by 10 p.m. her family began looking for her and called the police.

It has been stated that over 1500 people had attended the show in the park and yet no one noticed anything out of the ordinary.

The Beverly Potts case was highly publicized and all tips were followed.

“The earth might as well have opened up and swallowed the child. She has vanished into nothing.” -Ben R. Tidyman in the Cleveland Plain Dealer, 9-4-’51

My cousin and I played a lot at Halloran Park. We had always known the story of Beverly and made sure that we were home by dark.

Even as I got older and became a teen, my mother reminded me of Beverly Potts.

“You better be where you say are going to be, God help you, if I find out any different. Do you want to end up missing like Beverly Potts?”

Whenever, my mother brought up Beverly Potts, I would roll my eyes and accuse her of trying to scare me.

“I’m not trying to scare you,” she would say, “Don’t you know, if anything ever happened to you, they might as well just put me away, because I would lose my mind!”

I didn’t understand the depth of my mother’s fear back then. I was a teen and I’d accuse of her of trying to run my life.

“Roll your eyes at me one time and I am going to knock you right in your head and then they are going to stay that way!” my mother would yell, “Beverly Potts mother cried every single day until she finally died from grief five years later!

My mother would wave her hands in the air. You could see the panic on her face just thinking about it.

“Wait, just wait until you have kids. You think I’m shitting you? Oh dear Mary, Mother of God–(my mother had a way with words) –just put me a straight jacket! Lock me up! If anything happened to you, your sister or your brothers, tell them to just lock me up! I’d lose my mind!”

When I had my own children, the moment I held them in my arms, I knew exactly what she was talking about.

And as my children grew older, I gave myself a false sense of security, reassuring myself that the boogie man only takes children. He only takes Beverly Potts, little girls.

There are over 2400 people reported missing every single day–this includes grown men, women, children and teens. Some of them are found and for others, the years pass and hope fades and I wonder how these mothers and fathers find the courage to go on.

If you’re a parent then chances are you have felt that moment of sheer panic at one time or another, when you lost your child for mere seconds.

My mother said she had lost me twice.

“Once when you were about four years old and playing in the backyard. Somehow you were able to open the gate and I couldn’t find you anywhere. I was running up and down the street screaming. People started to come outside to help and here you were in the next door neighbors house playing with her bird. The second time you got lost walking home from school. Your brother was suppose to walk with you and forgot. You were missing for hours. The police finally found you walking around. I’ll never forget that day. It was one of the most horrible days of my life.”

I don’t remember being lost when I was four years old, but I do remember being lost when I started school and I do remember the look on my mother’s face. She was terrified. She hugged me and kissed me and hugged me some more, then said, “You little shit, I don’t know whether to beat your ass or hug you some more. I just about had a heart attack!”

As a mother, I understand now all that my mother has said to me. Having one of us go missing was one of her biggest fears. She wanted us to be kept safe and never be in harms way.

My heart aches for the families and friends that are searching for their loved ones. I can’t even begin to imagine what they must be going through. Ad I am not sure how to reach the masses and make them aware of how many are missing. The numbers are staggering.

What if, we all picked one missing person to feature on our facebook page a day? With a tool like facebook existing, and the numbers growing, we might find a missing person.

What if we pulled together and reached out to a family that has a loved one missing and asked what we could do to help them?

Why is it, that we always wait to do something when it finally happens to us?

I’ve had people tell me that my insistence about the missing is depressing. I understand that, I do. It can get depressing for me, as well. But what depresses me more is looking into the eyes of family member that is searching for answers or thinking about a missing person that might be alive and is waiting and counting on anyone of us to bring help.

We’re all in this together, so we might as well start looking out for one another. I’ll be there for you. Will you be here for me?

Diana May-Waldman- Bureau Editor for Worldwide Hippies in Rochester NY. Diana is the author of A Woman’s Song. Her poetry in this book deals with the struggles facing all women and the many facets of being a woman in the world today. She is a strong women’s and children’s advocate. A true example of the Hippie movement's continuing growth and sprit. 

Where is Our Mommy? Mother Vanishes: Melissa McVay Darling

By Diana May-Waldman

 Sulfur Springs Texas- Melissa McVay Darling went missing on June 9,2001 and some people don’t think she is worth finding. Some think she is a societal throw away and that bothers me.

While the Internet has become am extremely valuable tool to aid in the awareness of the missing, it has become a double edged sword when people can post anonymous comments and opinions about the missing.

Some of the comments suggest that the missing mother of two children isn’t worth looking for, because she had an alleged drug problem. That muddies the water and veers people away from what is important. Melissa McVay Darling is missing and is nowhere to be found.

Who decides who is worth looking for and who isn’t? Doesn’t every missing person deserve to be found? And isn’t every missing person somebodies loved one? What gives anyone the right to place value on another person?

I have taught my own children not to judge others, because we never really know what another carries in their heart.

Whether Melissa had a drug problem or not, it is not for me to say–but I will say that regardless of her lifestyle choices, she is one of our sisters and deserves to be found. To those making the negative comments, shut the hell up and put your energy into something positive. Shame on you for taking a bad situation and making it worse. Shame on your for hindering an investigation of a missing woman that can’t be found or speak for herself right now.

Here is a comment from the Topix forum: “What is annoying is that the family knows shes a worthless crack head and they are dragging the public into this “search”. Don’t waste our time…it’s obvious how few people showed up to the stupid prayer vigil last week because everyone else knows shes a loser out partying.”

Her family has reported her missing. And what if she is NOT out partying? What if she is lying dead somewhere, after being beaten and raped? I would hope that is not the case, but what if? That same kind of comment is right up there with saying that because a woman dressed a certain way she was asking to be assaulted.

SHUT YOUR IGNORANT BACK STABBING ASS UP. It is this EXACT mentality that keeps people in narrow columns of worthy and unworthy. It is this exact kind of comment that keeps women down, instead of picking them up.

So with that said, let’s get down to business and stick to the FACTS and find this mother.

Melissa McVay Darling is missing and her family and friends want answers. She was last seen in her hometown, of Sulphur Springs, Texas, when she dropped her daughters off at her father’s house on June 9, 2011.

Police have stated that they have video tape from the Choctaw Casino early the next morning of Melissa. The tape reveals that she was accompanied with a man by the name of Jeremy Blake Upchurch. He is now listed as a person of interest.

Melissa’s truck was found near Hugo Lake in Oklahoma. It was locked and had two flat tires.

Name: Melissa Ann Darling
AKA: Melissa Ann Mcvay
Case Number: M1106008
Case Type: Other
Last Seen in: Grant, OK (Choctaw County)
Last Seen on: 6/10/2011
Height: 5′ 8 ” Weight: 190 lbs.
Date of Birth: 6/16/1977 Age Missing: 34
Eye Color: Green Hair Color: Blonde
Race: White Sex: Female
State Missing From: Texas
Country Missing From: USA

Last seen wearing watch on left wrist. Has a tattoo of a dolphin on her back and a scar on her abdomen. Hangs out at the Choctaw Casino/Resort in Oklahoma.

Anyone with information about Melissa McVay Darling or where she might be is urged to contact Sulphur Springs Police Department, 903-885-7602, or the nearest law enforcement agency.

WEBSITE: http://bringmelissahome.com/
Texas Missing Persons Clearinghouse Online Bulletin
http://www.txdps.state.tx.us/
Case #M1106008

Diana May-Waldman- Bureau Editor for Worldwide Hippies in Rochester NY. Diana is the author of A Woman’s Song. Her poetry in this book deals with the struggles facing all women and the many facets of being a woman in the world today. She is a strong women’s and children’s advocate. A true example of the Hippie movements continuing growth and sprit. Diana’s activism is an inspiration to many.http://www.facebook.com/profile