Ayla Reynolds Case: What you see and hear is not always what it seems

by Cynthia Caron

Recently my organization, LostNMissing, along with Ayla's maternal family, held a Birthday Vigil for missing toddler, Ayla Reynolds, of Maine.  Many bloggers and even the media have made comments that I found "interesting" in that it was clear to me that the general public "assumes" that a certain demeanor, or reaction, should be uniform for all families of missing loved ones.

The perception is that those who have a missing child (no matter the age) should never smile, never have "a good day" and should never "celebrate" anything when their loved one is missing.  What they do not realize is what they see and hear is not always what it seems.  Let's take the radio personalities, Mike and Ken, of WGAN radio in Maine.  In their morning show, The Daily Rundown, discussed the Birthday Vigil and described it as "creepy."  (Listen here at: http://podcast.560wgan.com/wgan/3405283.mp3 )

I would like to address comments made by Ken and Mike regarding the Ayla Reynolds Birthday Vigil and it's not that I want to single them out, but rather they gave a very common opinion that I believe should be discussed.

Many times what the public sees and hears is not what one may perceive.  Our organization sponsored the event for Ayla Reynolds along with the maternal family and of course her mom, Trista Reynolds.  While I understand that many comments are made out of opinions from watching news clips and reading articles, that in no way gives the entire background and true happenings with those grieving for their missing child. 

Our organization works with many families of missing and I can assure you that rarely do we have two families that react in the same manner, nor grieve in the same way when a loved one is missing.  Mike and Ken, while commenting on The Daily Rundown, that the "Birthday Party", in which it was not a party…it was a Birthday Vigil, both Mike and Ken agreed that it was "creepy."  Actually, it was quite the opposite.  Some points, that the public is not aware, and I would like to make known a number of important points:

·        When we planned the vigil, back in late February, Trista wanted it to be on Ayla's birthday.  The vigil was planned well over a month in advance due to needing to reserve the public location.  (Many churches turned us away due to media attendance and the fact they held AA meetings and did not want their attendees, who are to remain anonymous, to be caught on a news clip.)  Her hopes was that Ayla would be home by then and the vigil would turn into one of a celebration. The vigil was planned as one of "hope & awareness on the child's second birthday" and not as a "birthday party."

·         When Trista woke up, the morning of the Birthday Vigil and her missing child's second birthday, she realized Ayla was still not home…that phone call never came.  She then  went into a very deep and painful hurting state.  She spent the day in extreme pain and crying from morning until the time to go.  It was extremely difficult to get Trista to attend her daughter's Birthday Vigil. She did not believe she would have the strength to get through it. I assured Trista, as did her mom and all at the house, that she would be fine and that she has many supporters and those that love her would be surrounding her and will be at her side throughout. 

·        Comments were made about Trista noticing a car with Ayla's poster enroute to the Birthday Vigil and how she and her Aunt shouted out to the driver that "Hey! I'm Ayla's mom! Thank you!"  Of course that brought a reaction to her!  She was excited to see that someone else cares!

·        The vigil itself was very important as it held multiple purposes. Mainly it garnered a lot of media attention for Ayla's missing status prior and following the event. That is extremely important as we cannot let the public "forget" Ayla, or put it off that she is deceased with "certainty"… or those who may spot a child that looks like Ayla will invariably not make the connection because they are firm in their beliefs that Ayla is gone. 

·        We do not know that Ayla is no longer here on earth. We do not know if she was "given away", sold or missing through other possible means. We just do not know. For that matter, we do not know with certainty that Ayla went missing on the night she was put to bed on the 16th of December (2011) and "discovered" gone on the morning of December 17th. We do not know with certainty, however, the DiPietro family does. They know because Ayla was in their care. Only they can truly say when the last time Ayla was in that home playing or sleeping. Therefore, we always must keep hope.

·        Hope is important for families to have in order to sustain their own emotional health and to get through the days, and nights, ahead of them. The public also should know that Trista has another baby at home that she must care for. A beautiful baby boy who has many health problems and requires much more care than the "normal" baby of the same age. Trista has to be strong. She cannot let grief overcome her every second of every day…for her small son's sake…she has to remain strong and try to live as normal a life as virtually possible….not only to maintain her own emotional state of mind, but to be there and help her son through his own much needed medical care.

·         On a positive note, while things may seem grim, Ayla's case has not been ruled a homicide, therefore…we will always make pleas for the public to look for her. 

On a side note, our organization has worked with families in which cases have been converted from a missing persons case to a homicide investigation and the missing person invariably was located safe.  We've also had many cases in which we have believed the missing loved one may be safe and the outcome was the person was in fact located passed away.  We quit "guessing" the end result of cases.  Until clear and compelling evidence suggests otherwise…always hope.

·        The negative bloggers were quick to point out the "dancing and singing" at Ayla's Birthday Vigil and if a single one of the bloggers were in attendance they would have noted that Trista was completely up and down with her emotions and pain.  She would go from crying in the arms of family and friends (and yes with real tears) to regaining composure and accepting the love and support of those around her and "joined them" at various intervals with smiles, hugs and yes…dancing for a brief moment which was caught on film.  What was she dancing to? The song that her daughter continually danced to around the house, "Moves Like Jagger."  So if for a brief moment she was able to be distracted from her constant pain and be drawn into the scene of others, the same as her daughter would, then why would anyone dare to turn that into a negative?
  

I have to say that I commend Trista for her strength and abilities in many ways. Her capabilities to project the need for the public to 'Please help find Ayla'  is remarkable. She takes her "45 seconds of opportunity" and presents her feelings, goals and pleas in a way that many who have taken college courses on media relations cannot carry out in the same manner.

So here we have a young mother, with a small baby at home with medical needs, living with a constant heartache of having a missing child… who is overcome with grief one moment and needing to regain composure to do what needs to be done, the next. Who is battling and overcoming addiction, and staying sober…along with the difficulties of being a single parent…having to live a life of financial difficulty, as all young single parents, and having to be dependent on others to help her. Trista is truly an amazing, strong young woman.  Many would not be able to handle just one of the obstacles and pain that Trista is enduring.  She should be commended, not judged.

Yes, I give Trista a lot of credit for all that she is accomplishing.  No parent should ever have to endure this much pain and obstacles in their life. 

You see, I know the real Trista.  The one that is a loving mother.  I've seen her with her son.  I see the pride and accomplishments she talks about with him. I see the life that she is living. I've held her son in my arms while she administered his medications and how she utilized the special adapter for his needed breathing treatments.  She did it with love and with internal pain.  The pain that accompanies a mother of a child with medical needs. I know that same love and pain only too well when I too had to give my infant son multiple medications to control 5 different seizure disorders to keep him alive and from going into status epileptus, of which it happened to him twice.  I recognize very well that same look of love, concern and the need to be strong to advocate for my child.  However, unlike Trista, I had a spouse, a home of my own and was not grieving and living the painful heartache of having a missing child.  I am very proud that Trista was able to make it through the evening with stamina and love she had for all who came to support her.

Ayla Reynolds - now age 2 - Missing from Maine - Dec 2011

So if Trista danced for a few moments to her daughters favorite song, and sang Happy Birthday to her….it was truly for Ayla and for no other reason.  I know. I was there.  I am proud she made it through the evening. She did it and with love for her daughter Ayla.

If anyone has information, no matter how insignificant it may seem, please contact the Maine State Police at (207) 657-3030, your local police or 9-1-1 if you spot her.

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.
PH: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.

I’ll be there for you. Will you be here for me?

By Diana May-Waldman

Beverly Rose Potts disappeared before I was born, but I have always known about her. Her disappearance must have made an impact on my mother, in fact I think it terrified her.

I can no longer even count the times my mother scared the hell out of me by telling me about Beverly Potts.

Beverly disappeared on Friday, August 24, 1951 from Cleveland, Ohio and to date has never been found.

“She was watching the show wagon,” said my mother, “Back then the wagon would go from park to park and entertain people with all sorts of performers.”

This particular night, the show wagon was at Halloran Park, only a couple of blocks from where my grandmother lived.

She went to the show with a friend and a neighbor. When her friend had to be home by dark, Beverly decided she would stay for the whole show.

When Beverly had not returned home by 10 p.m. her family began looking for her and called the police.

It has been stated that over 1500 people had attended the show in the park and yet no one noticed anything out of the ordinary.

The Beverly Potts case was highly publicized and all tips were followed.

“The earth might as well have opened up and swallowed the child. She has vanished into nothing.” -Ben R. Tidyman in the Cleveland Plain Dealer, 9-4-’51

My cousin and I played a lot at Halloran Park. We had always known the story of Beverly and made sure that we were home by dark.

Even as I got older and became a teen, my mother reminded me of Beverly Potts.

“You better be where you say are going to be, God help you, if I find out any different. Do you want to end up missing like Beverly Potts?”

Whenever, my mother brought up Beverly Potts, I would roll my eyes and accuse her of trying to scare me.

“I’m not trying to scare you,” she would say, “Don’t you know, if anything ever happened to you, they might as well just put me away, because I would lose my mind!”

I didn’t understand the depth of my mother’s fear back then. I was a teen and I’d accuse of her of trying to run my life.

“Roll your eyes at me one time and I am going to knock you right in your head and then they are going to stay that way!” my mother would yell, “Beverly Potts mother cried every single day until she finally died from grief five years later!

My mother would wave her hands in the air. You could see the panic on her face just thinking about it.

“Wait, just wait until you have kids. You think I’m shitting you? Oh dear Mary, Mother of God–(my mother had a way with words) –just put me a straight jacket! Lock me up! If anything happened to you, your sister or your brothers, tell them to just lock me up! I’d lose my mind!”

When I had my own children, the moment I held them in my arms, I knew exactly what she was talking about.

And as my children grew older, I gave myself a false sense of security, reassuring myself that the boogie man only takes children. He only takes Beverly Potts, little girls.

There are over 2400 people reported missing every single day–this includes grown men, women, children and teens. Some of them are found and for others, the years pass and hope fades and I wonder how these mothers and fathers find the courage to go on.

If you’re a parent then chances are you have felt that moment of sheer panic at one time or another, when you lost your child for mere seconds.

My mother said she had lost me twice.

“Once when you were about four years old and playing in the backyard. Somehow you were able to open the gate and I couldn’t find you anywhere. I was running up and down the street screaming. People started to come outside to help and here you were in the next door neighbors house playing with her bird. The second time you got lost walking home from school. Your brother was suppose to walk with you and forgot. You were missing for hours. The police finally found you walking around. I’ll never forget that day. It was one of the most horrible days of my life.”

I don’t remember being lost when I was four years old, but I do remember being lost when I started school and I do remember the look on my mother’s face. She was terrified. She hugged me and kissed me and hugged me some more, then said, “You little shit, I don’t know whether to beat your ass or hug you some more. I just about had a heart attack!”

As a mother, I understand now all that my mother has said to me. Having one of us go missing was one of her biggest fears. She wanted us to be kept safe and never be in harms way.

My heart aches for the families and friends that are searching for their loved ones. I can’t even begin to imagine what they must be going through. Ad I am not sure how to reach the masses and make them aware of how many are missing. The numbers are staggering.

What if, we all picked one missing person to feature on our facebook page a day? With a tool like facebook existing, and the numbers growing, we might find a missing person.

What if we pulled together and reached out to a family that has a loved one missing and asked what we could do to help them?

Why is it, that we always wait to do something when it finally happens to us?

I’ve had people tell me that my insistence about the missing is depressing. I understand that, I do. It can get depressing for me, as well. But what depresses me more is looking into the eyes of family member that is searching for answers or thinking about a missing person that might be alive and is waiting and counting on anyone of us to bring help.

We’re all in this together, so we might as well start looking out for one another. I’ll be there for you. Will you be here for me?

Diana May-Waldman- Bureau Editor for Worldwide Hippies in Rochester NY. Diana is the author of A Woman’s Song. Her poetry in this book deals with the struggles facing all women and the many facets of being a woman in the world today. She is a strong women’s and children’s advocate. A true example of the Hippie movement's continuing growth and sprit.