Remembering the Sixth of June

"Into the Jaws of Death: U.S. Troops Wading through Water and Nazi Gunfire" 

Franklin D. Roosevelt Library
Public Domain Photographs 1882-1962
ARC Identifier: 195515 

By Charles Moncrief

June 6 is the day we commemorate a military campaign in World War II. You may know the 1944 event as “D-Day,” “Operation Overlord,” or “the [Allied] Invasion of Normandy.” If your family lost a loved one who fought in that campaign, you may have still other names for June 6, 1944. Or this event may be significant for no other reason than the movie “Saving Private Ryan.”

Threescore and eight years have passed since 1944, so I’m not insulting today’s younger generation for knowing of D-Day only through a Tom Hanks movie. Sufficient unto this generation’s day is the evil thereof. Our young people have their own history with Viet Nam, the Middle East, the drug trade, and human trafficking -- as well as demonization of victims in the courts. Consider Annie Jacoby’s recent article, “Is There Such a Thing as a ‘Credible’ Rape Victim?” and decide whether the young people might have their hands full with today’s battles. When former New York police officers stand trial for sexually assaulting a young woman, and the bench rodent allows their defense team to have their way with the woman in the courtroom, this should speak volumes against the torn fabric of our society.

The ice is getting pretty thin, so I’d better return to my topic.

D-Day was launched, not to save an individual’s life, but to stop the relentless advance toward world tyranny by a crazed maniac and a nation under his spell. A rallying cry of Adolph Hitler was “Today Germany, tomorrow the world!” The masses assembled in Germany answered with “Sieg Heil” and the Allies answered “Heil, NO!”

Nearly 5,000 US troops were killed in the invasion that day. But in 1944 the United States had the courage to do whatever was necessary to beat back tyranny and preserve freedom for the next generation. That was then, and I’ll leave it to others toe debate whether America still has that kind of courage today.

Two principles I associate with D-Day are perseverance and personal responsibility. When the first landing craft reached the beach and dropped their ramps for the troops to exit, the men on board were exposed to Nazi machine gun fire and had no place to seek shelter. This picture shows the view presented to the troops when they landed.

Of the few Allied troops who succeeded in reaching the beach, most were killed as they dropped equipment and protection for the next wave in the assault force. Yet with each landing, by the end of the day 155,000 Allied troops controlled 80 square miles of the French coast. It was a small territory to hold, but capturing it was a key factor that led to the German surrender less than a year later.

If the invasion had occurred today, media coverage would likely have ignored the Allied advances and presented endless footage of dead and dying soldiers in the first assault wave. Reporters on the scene would have whined and wailed to the news anchors, who would have “objectively” demanded that President Roosevelt and General Eisenhower call off the campaign. I’d expect Congressional politicians of today to rail against the deaths of 5,000 American soldiers, advocating that the US would be better off speaking German -- purely for the good of the children, don’t you know! Fortunately for us “children,” the scene was allowed to play through. Persistence and perseverance won our over faint-heartedness back home.

As Supreme Commander of the Allied forces, General Eisenhower went against reason and logic when he directed the campaign. Even such brilliant minds as Winston Churchill had counseled against the assault, especially as he saw indications that the Nazi machine was disintegrating. But when he stood with Eisenhower, very few could read any misgivings in Churchill’s voice or his body language.

But even with the support of others, it all came down to the responsibility that General Eisenhower was willing to take for the decisions he made. And one reason he was elected President in 1952 is that he did shoulder that responsibility. He wrote this letter before the invasion, post-dating it to July 5.

"In case of failure" message drafted by General Eisenhower before the D-Day Invasion

Dwight D. Eisenhower Library, Pre-Presidential Papers
Principal File: Butcher Diary 1942-1945
ARC Identifier: 186470

The last two sentences are

The troops, the air and the Navy did all that Bravery and devotion to duty could do. If any blame or fault attaches to the attempt it is mine alone.

You may notice where Eisenhower changed the wording in the first sentence, from passive to active voice. It’s subtle, but a key evidentiary tool in use by law enforcement and statement analysts today. He changed the words from “. . . the troops have been withdrawn” to “. . . I have withdrawn the troops.” If Eisenhower had been captured, he was carrying his own signed confession with him. Germany would have been within their rights to execute him as a war criminal, and the US media would have crucified him as a “baby killer.”

Could we ever again expect someone in politics today to take this type of risk or show the personal sense of integrity demonstrated by Eisenhower? Words that characterize our rulers today (and I use the word “rulers” intentionally) tend to be “cowardice” and “corruption.” In terms of personal responsibilty, “evasion” is far more applicable than “acceptance.”

These are the principles that spill over into the court system, where a victim of violent crime (or the family of the deceased victim) faces incredible resistance in seeking justice. Examples of injustice abound, and we become further aggravated when the Supreme Court orders California to release thousands of convicted felons -- because the conditions in their incarceration facilities are “cruel and unusual.”

The news is bleak, and the outlook seems hopeless. But in reality there is hope. As exposure continues to widen, the cockroaches have fewer dark places to hide. As increasing numbers of Americans become aware of the assault on their own freedom and the gentle treatment of the assailants, we may yet see some D-Days in the planning stages.



Grace and Peace,

Charles+

Change the Name, Change the Game

By Charles Moncrief

Since the beginning of human history a person’s name has said something about him or her, maybe even more than physical attributes such as height or hair color. I wouldn’t want, for example, to be around Mack the Knife or Jack the Ripper. On the other hand, I’d trust “Whirlaway” to win the Triple Crown. (“Speedy” can help me with acid indigestion, as long as he’s pronto!)

Ancient literature provides abundant examples of the way a name -- or more accurately, name-calling -- was used to commemorate events, to set expectations, to manage destinies, and to oppress. Moses, whose name relates to an Egyptian term for pulling someone out of a river, wanted God’s name so that he could tell the Hebrew slaves something about their divine deliverer. Jacob (“Heel-grabber”) was given the name “Israel” because he fought with God -- or God’s angel -- all night. Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah were three men whose names contain glorious references to God. But since they lived in exile, the conquering nation’s president had them called Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego to honor ancient Babylon’s devil-gods.

In modern times our society has equally destructive game-changers in the hurtful use of names. As a child we have all heard such names as “Crybaby,” “Chicken,” and “Four Eyes.” Every one of us can fill a page with names we’ve heard people use when they wanted to inflict pain or cruelty. Some of the names we’ve heard directed at us, and some of them we may have caught ourselves directing toward others. And did it really help when someone said “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but names will never hurt you”? The awful truth is that some people in our lives have the power to make a hurtful name stick with us for a long time. Even when hurtful names come from those we can shrug off, we still have to do some reckoning with whatever grain of truth we believe may be lurking in there.

For my part, I’m bothered most when someone well-meaning uses a name in a hurtful way. In the movie “Almost an Angel” some men in a bar try to do something for a young man in a wheelchair by saying “You’re a cripple.” Sadly, this does him no favors.

But we have a sinister word that all of us use from time to time, and we too often forget its destructive effect. That word is “victim,” and it is spoken all too readily to comfort, console, or even compliment when its purpose is to advance some sort of social agenda. In the mid-1990s Time Magazine showed a picture of a criminal punished in an Asian country, and they captioned it “Caning Victim” even though he knew the punishment (no matter how barbaric) before he committed his criminal act.

Many of the contributing writers to this blog encourage readers to move past the name “victim” toward some more positive term. This is not to ignore the pain and woundedness of anybody; if anything, the purpose is to honor everyone’s wounds without celebrating them. While the subtitle refers to “victims of crime,” it puts its emphasis on the search for solutions. That is, a person can be a victim, but the desire is for a person not to stay a victim. No one wants to dishonor the time a person must take to lick his or her wounds, any more than anyone wants to short-circuit the solid path to healing and recovery. But everyone here wants to provide this site as one of (hopefully) many that a hurting person can take toward that end.

What’s in a name? Power, control, pain, fear, and intimidation when held over you. But maybe you have a support base, a group of champions who will get under you with some encouraging and uplifting names. I’ve used the term “survivor” in the past, and other terms that are as personal as the wounds each person is recovering from. Possibly you will have occasions to gravitate toward those who will give you support that will more than offset all the negative bombardment you receive every day. Possibly you already have several supportive terms in your bag of tricks that you’ve found helpful to others in their journeys. And possibly you will continue to be open to new encouraging names to give in your outreach.

I’ll close with these words from a song by D. J. Butler, a reminder that the name God gives to us is really the only one that ultimately makes any difference. You can hear several versions on YouTube, most of which have some spectacular and relevant slide shows. This link is my preference:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5_v841c8u0&feature=related

I will change your name.

You shall no longer be called

Wounded, Outcast, Lonely, or Afraid

I will change your name

Your new name shall be

Confidence, Joyfulness, Overcoming One

Faithfulness, Friend of God

One who seeks my Face

One who seeks my Face.

Grace and Peace,
Charles+

Angel in Three Courts

By Charles Moncrief

Angel Downs was shot to death and her former boyfriend went to trial for murder. The defendant in this trial is a former county commissioner, a churchgoing man who cheated on his wife and family and even involved his son in making the adulterous affair seem normal. While the prosecution and defense teams built their cases for this court action, another trial has taken place in the court of public opinion.

In the court of the parlor tea gatherings, and of the government-fearing news media -- in which we cynically note substantial crossover -- Angel Downs is the defendant. In all these polite places Angel is referred to with such terms as “mistress,” “paramour,” and whatever manipulates opinion and sympathy toward the man who killed her. Our society, which glorifies sex outside of marriage, rewards politicians and entertainers who defile their marriage beds, is quick to condemn the morals of someone whose death forces a respected public official to face accountability under the law.

Without presuming to speak for all of the contributors to this blog, the sentiment is heavily weighted in Angel’s favor. Speaking for myself, there is no pretense of enlarging Angel beyond the person she was in life. Angel was the partner in an adulterous affair, and accounts by the defense and the media concerning her drug use may contain a grain of truth -- though the accusations are largely false, blowing out of proportion the lifesaving PRESCRIPTION medications Angel used. (Amazingly, the media have kept silent about Angel’s efforts to keep secret an affair that her boyfriend was running up the flagpole!) But while aspects of Angel’s behavior were what we may consider self-destructive, she in no way deserved either of the sentences she received: death by the man who shot her, and burial in slime by the politically correct in high society.

As I consider the two courts, I am saddened at the inability of either to bring about justice for Angel. But my sadness is offset by the reality of the third court. Since this is the season of Advent, leading up to the celebration of Christmas, my thoughts turn to this text from Isaiah 11:2-4a. The passage refers to a descendant of David, Israel’s greatest king.

And the spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD; And shall make him of quick understanding in the fear of the LORD: and he shall not judge after the sight of his eyes, neither reprove after the hearing of his ears: But with righteousness shall he judge the poor, and reprove with equity for the meek of the earth. . . . (KJV)

The Judge mentioned in this reading will not be swayed by media lies or manipulative expressions of the facts. And Angel will stand before this Judge on equal footing with her politically powerful boyfriend. As for me, ultimately this is the only court that matters.

There is no place where earth’s sorrows

Are more felt than up in heaven.

There is no place where earth’s failings

Have such kindly judgment given.

(#304, from Hymnal 1940)

And from John 8:11, where Jesus refuses to condemn a woman caught in adultery. (Note that Jesus still calls her act a sin, while not judging the woman’s character.)

Since Christmas is approaching, I find encouragement in Mary’s words from Luke 1:52-53.

He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree. He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away. (KJV)

What a sharp contrast between this court and that of the media in Angel’s case!

Of course, whenever I look into the mirror, I’m reminded of how much I need this court!

Grace and Peace,

Charles+

http://timesupblog.blogspot.com/2010/08/supporting-justice-for-angel-downs-with.html
http://timesupblog.blogspot.com/2010/06/two-faces-of-steve-nodine-politician.html
http://timesupblog.blogspot.com/2010/07/living-in-midtown-disturbia.html
http://timesupblog.blogspot.com/2010/07/accused-lady-killer-i-know-what-you-are.html

The opinions and information expressed in the individual posts do not necessarily reflect the opinions of each contributor of "Time's Up!"

Honoring Veterans Based on John 13

By Charles Moncrief

Jesus knew that his hour was come that he should depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved his own which were in the world, he loved them unto the end. And supper being ended, the devil having now put into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray him; Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he was come from God, and went to God; He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.

John 13:1-5 (KJV)

In John 13 Jesus is at supper with his twelve disciples the night before he is to be crucified. He knows that one will betray him, one will deny him, and the other ten will turn in their cowardice and abandon him at the cross. He also knows that he has been given all power on earth by his -- and our -- Heavenly Father, to do with as he pleases.

So what does he do? He washes their feet. He serves them!

Which, as November 11 approaches, makes me think of our veterans.

You wore the uniform and served your country. You carried a rifle. You flew a gunship. You commanded a missile cruiser. You carried knowledge that could inflict untold amounts of damage, not only to your own nation, but to the entire world. You had power.

You served in many ways. Of those you served:

• Some will denounce you as a murderer.
• Some will spit on you in the airport terminal as you return from deployment to a foreign battlefield.
• Some will find a way to prosecute you on false charges to advance their cheap political agenda, without regard for the damage they do to your loved ones as well as to you.
• Some will pervert the Uniform Code of Military Justice and make a mockery of the courts martial because they have power without decency.
• Some, failing to destroy you in a court martial, will convene a Board of Inquiry to ruin your reputation without accountability for their irresponsible actions against you.
• Some will shout with ridicule because you salute the American flag as it passes in a parade.
• Some will burn the American flag, the very flag that will one day drape your coffin.
• Some will spew hateful epithets at your funeral, even acting falsely and hatefully in the name of the God of love.

So the question before you is, What did you do with all your power?

* You put on the uniform and served.

* You stood in the way of enemy fire.

* You slept with one eye open in the desert.

* You suffered damp feet that will never dry because you lived in a foxhole.

* You lived in constant danger because you believed in an ideal and wanted to preserve it for your family and your neighbors.

You preserved freedom for those who:

• Denounce you as a murderer
• Spit on you in the airport terminal
• Prosecute you on false charges to advance their own agenda
• Pervert the UCMJ in the courts martial
• Convene a Board of Inquiry when the court martial fails
• Ridicule because you salute the American flag
• Burn the flag that will one day drape your coffin
• Spew hateful epithets at your funeral

You are a veteran. It takes a special person to be what you are, and to do what you have done.

Thank you for your service.

God bless you.

Charles+
http://charlesmoncrief.blogspot.com

Hey Listen Up: They Are Standing Right Beside You!

By Jillian Maas-Backman

Hopefully the title of this post has captured your attention. In case you are wondering to whom I am referring that is standing beside you, it is meant for those loved ones who have gone before us without answers. No one ever talks about the loved one who showed up in their dreams or provided clues in a hologram form as to a tragic death where the person responsible has yet to be arrested or the case to their murder remains unresolved. We hear an intuitive like John Edwards on a television program see his books and often wonder are they for real? Do people really see or speak to their loved ones after they have died? What really happens to a person after passing over to into God’s Kingdom?

Tonight I hope you will join me on Blog Talk radio as we discuss and hopefully provide answers to questions we all have regarding a friend or relative who has died and yet are afraid to ask or talk about this with anyone.
Many crime survivors visit this the Time’s Up blog looking for answers and information. We thought we would bring you a “Time’s Up Special” show using interactive radio technology hosted by Susan Murphy Milano and Jillian Maas-Backman, airing at 8:00 PM CST and 9:00 PM EST the link to participate or listen to the show is: www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano



As the host of a weekly radio program on Lake 96.1 I utilize the power of both radio and the internet to cultivate awareness and encourage listeners to assimilate authentic life skills. I label this kind of radio programming as “interactive radio.” After each series is complete, I always post corresponding e-lesson on my website to download, comprised of exercises you can complete on your own to implement changes in your life’s landscape.



You are perfectly safe doing the following exercises on your own at your leisure. There is no reason to fear this kind of awakening you are experiencing. With practice and re-occurring visits, the fear will dissipate, and you will begin to cherish the connections.
Do not get caught up with what I label the “Hollywood” effect associated with this kind of work. It is not necessarily what is depicted in books or on television, and in most instances, quite the opposite, it's humble and unassuming visits. Remember, your loved ones are returning to assist you with whatever you need towards resolution. Whether that is to console or share intuitive insight. Never forget this is a gift to you from the other side. Respect the process.

Set Your Intentions before you continue down this path of cross- communication with anyone from the other side.
-Define your boundaries. There is absolutely no reasons to remote view the actually tragic details. Allow only what you can emotionally handle.
-Ask to be provided with the scenario leading up to the actual event, by-pass the committed act, and crucial facts immediately after the crisis.

Treat this kind of investigation you would any other modalities.
-Be very clear on what you want to know.
-Compile a mental list of unknown facts specific to your mystery case. List them with as much clarity as you can. This will eliminate background clutter that may come through and add potential confusion.

Compartmentalize your emotions, and pay attention
Many of you seek this kind of work as last resort. You have reached a point in the mystery that you are desperate for answers and will attempt almost anything for closure. This kind of work is not the end all, simply another avenue to finding truth and justice.
-There is no sense of urgency. Patience and practice is the tool needed for this kind of intervention. Your loved ones have come back into your life with purpose. Many survivors panic, push forward and miss crucial insights specific to their case.
-If you have been visited once, you can rest assured they will arrive again. No rushing allowed.
-You cannot force this kind of work, it will evolve as it can, piece at a time.
-Recall in your mind the first time you had the encounter, to your best ability, replicate the environment. Did they come to you in dreams, meditative encounters, driving your car or in the bathtub all alone in a peaceful surrounding?
-Trying too hard will only lead to frustration and no results. Let them come to you. They know best when you are ready and able to listen and learn.

Engage all the five senses!
-We use all of our natural senses in everything we do, as does the other side.
-Exploit this knowledge and train your mind to be a watchful observer.
Examples: Names of people, distinguishing human markings such as tattoos, clothing, perfume or cologne scents coming through, are you hearing certain words from the other side, conversations, music of any kind.

Any extra ordinary clues that could be classified as “unusual” in the surroundings.
-Journal everything! The other side works in small increments, not all at once. We can only take in so much at a time. It is your responsibility to report all gathered information.
Report your results
-Cronicle your findings as best you can and present these insights to whomever you feel can utilize this information to its fullest extent.
-Do not let embarrassment deter you from following through. Many professional view this type of investigative reporting as a valuable tool towards closure.
-Do not discount your finding because others cannot fully understand. The ultimate goal here is to find justice in whatever way possible.
-The emotional, mental, and spiritual pain that comes with unsolved cases grossly outweighs the stigma some associate with this kind of non-conventional technique.
-After you find that you have been successful utilizing this kind of intuitive investigative reporting, please refrain from saying to others: I told you so. Ego is an ugly thing.

Lastly, live in celebration.
You have been granted the highest form of grace from your deceased loved ones. Live in that love and be thankful for your courageous blessings.

In loving gratitude, Jillian Maas Backman, Intuitive Life Coach, Author, Award- winning Radio Personality.

Fair and Balanced News Coverage? I Don't Think So!

By Susan Murphy Milano

Last weekend Oscar winners Halle Berry and Jamie Foxx attended the Jenesse Center’s Silver Rose Gala in Beverly Hills, which works to help families who suffer from domestic violence. Unless you watched TMZ or access Hollywood on television you likely missed the fact that star power was working towards brining awareness to this national epidemic. The event did not appear on CNN , Fox News or any mainstream media.

As we know Intimate partner violence knows no bounds, and this includes those from the gay and lesbian community and men who are also victims. But the hard reality is that 98% of women in a stalking or domestic violence related relationship are the ones who are not only affected, but they are the gender with more headstones in grave yards than those that lost their lives during the Vietnam War.

“It’s important for everyone who has a voice, who has a chance to have global or national spotlight to use that voice for good,” said Halle Berry.

But I liked what Jamie Foxx said as he spoke on what he feels is a double standard in the way some men approach the issue, saying “A lot of times you see the split. You see people try to make excuses for guys’ behavior. And it’s not fair and it’s not right.” The actor nailed it.





We are seeing a double standard in the way the “country” approaches the issue from first responders, judges, the courts turning a deaf ear to the media who often writes what I term the “glorified killer” obituary. That’s when a media related article on the tragedy appears mentioning the person who was killed and goes on to write “what a great person or family man” this bozo was to slaughtered their loved ones. Or if the person suspected of the crime does not commit suicide remaining alive, the media often writes about the alleged killer’s mental state, frame of mind or quotes a family member saying “they are innocent” because the person would do nothing to harm anyone.


Those family members need to wake up and get their head from out of their respective behinds.


A classic example is the case of Sandra Viramontes, 30, of Chicago, who was beaten and bruised covering 90 percent of her body. No one could say for sure how many hours she was unconscious before her mother received a call from her son-in-law saying her daughter needed medical attention back in January of 2010.

When the mother walked in to her daughter’s home Luis Viramontes, the son-in-law was gone in his place a relative who stood by and did nothing until the mother shouted to call 911. But it was too late.

At the hospital a trauma doctor informed the family “they had never seen anybody get a beating like that before.” Sandra’s had been beaten and bruised over 90 percent of her body. After the doctors ran tests the family was told her injuries were not survivable and two weeks later while in her mother’s she was taken off life support.

My question is how the hell was this bozo allowed bail in the first place? Her condition was critical and she was not going to survive her injuries. Maybe the judge who set his bond did not consider Luis, "oh so gentle" as dangerous.

This is a classic case of senseless and ignorant denial. It makes my skin crawl when I read comments made by members or friends of a killer’s family, “he always been real gentle.” Another comment as if to set the tone when this case goes to trial, “Luis couldn’t sleep or he cried nonstop.” Was this before during and after the beating? Or was it only when this cowardly individual realized he’d better have a few witnesses to testify as to his acting out the part of showing remorse for murdering his wife and the mother of his two young children? He probably thought it all out and carefully deciding what he would tell the person who will represent him that he lost control or it was an accident he had no intention of hurting her. The defense attorney will respond something like “I’ll talk to the State and see if we can get the charges reduced to manslaughter or second degree murder. Or maybe he’ll get his client a deal. You know so he will not have to spend the rest of his life in prison.
Part of the solution is for families, even those of the person committing the violence to speak up and step to the plate when they sense or know a family member is hurting a loved one. Another important component to this epidemic is for the mainstream media to report these incidents of violence and bloodshed with the same fire power they cover politics issues that affect everyday Americans’.

It is then, that we will have a level playing field for everyone affected by intimate partner violence to understand the cause, the solution and possibly the ability to prevent the bloodshed because the issue is out in the forefront. Instead of hiding this epidemic behind closed doors swept under the rug no different than those whom are suffering and entering cemeteries in silence.


"Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS"

The Church: It’s Not Just About Money

By Charles Moncrief


The Church has always come under criticism for its failures to respond to the calls for justice by a hurting society. The critics need to be heard, especially when the Church presents obstacles to survival of domestic and other forms of violence. I would also hope to offer some ways for us all to move forward in response to some of this criticism.


Some critics charge that the Church is corrupt, basing their opinions on the few accounts of clergy who abuse their positions of trust. But for every pastor who owns a private jet, literally millions struggle to feed their families on the stipends paid to clergy. Many are bi-vocational, working a second job just to make ends meet.


Others charge that the Church is silent on matters of violence in society, and that its pastors give misleading advice to those attempting to survive their wounds. This is unfortunately true, but possibly not entirely for the reasons we might think.


Pastors in most cases have advanced degrees in theology and church leadership. These degrees come from a seminary, which may or may not include Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) in a hospital or a mental institution. They may also include specialized training in the issues a pastor might face in the world after graduation. But a four-year seminary education is simply not adequate to equip a pastor for all of the conditions that arise in the world today.
Continuing education meets some of this need, when a pastor can take a few weeks to attend courses or conferences that address the major issues of the day. Another resource is the pooling of talent among the pastoral leaders in the community, even as it causes clergy to set aside their doctrinal differences and work together. Some leaders have strengths that better address domestic violence, some are more capable of responding to grief issues, some can better assemble addiction centers, and so on.


But something else is needed. And this is the most vital. What the pastoral leaders need most is you. You know what it is to live through the human experience from one day to the next. You know what it is to face the challenges of society, how it affects your family and professional life, and where the Church is not reaching your neighbor. You know what the Church needs to provide, and where it helps and where it doesn’t.


You wouldn’t expect the clergy to visit you in a hospital if you didn’t let them know you were there. At the same time, you wouldn’t normally assume the clergy know what programs are needed by the Church to meet your family’s and your community’s needs. Open and honest communication is the key. As you let the leaders know what you need, they are more able to identify resources both within the congregation and among the other churches in the community to make an effective response.


While some leaders contend that it’s not the Church’s place to redress society’s ills, and while other leaders maintain that the Church needs to concentrate on social justice alone, it’s necessary to strike a balance. Certainly the elements of piety (relationship with God) can coexist with those of justice (relationships with our society), and in a healthy mixture of the two.


It’s also necessary to consider where we might redistribute responsibilities. What is the responsibility of the leadership? And what is the responsibility of the members?


All of this can stand revisiting. Maybe we can renew our commitment to be in conversation with each other as we face together the necessities of each coming day.

Forgiveness: You Can’t Live Without It

By Charles Moncrief

I met Pumpkin at a wedding reception for Frieda, her grandmother. This five-year-old charmer had won the heart of Frieda’s new husband, Benny. He was a dear friend from high school days, and it was a blessing and a testament to our long friendship, that Benny had invited my wife and me to share their joy. We didn’t get to spend much time with Benny, since he spent most of the reception dancing with his adopted granddaughter.

Just two months later this joy was shattered when Frieda received a frantic call from her daughter, sobbing because Pumpkin had died in her bed. Frieda and Benny were grieved by the news that her precious granddaughter had died, but it was nothing compared to the next call that came before they could leave to be with her daughter. The precious child’s death was being investigated as a homicide. The whole family was devastated by this news, and an unimaginable drama began to unfold before them.

The child had been raped and strangled, and all signs pointed to a family member as the one who committed the crime. The police took Frieda’s oldest son into custody, and charged him with the rape and murder of her granddaughter. Frieda’s sadness turned to rage and hatred toward her firstborn son, while Benny did his best to comfort his new wife.

As Frieda’s hatred grew toward her son, she knew Benny was alongside her. But the closeness of their relationship suffered as she relived her son’s brutality. Every act of intimacy between Frieda and Benny became THAT act, causing a growing sense of helplessness on Benny’s part and a distancing of each from the other. Both of them knew that they’d come to a defining moment in their marriage.

Frieda had also gone to pre-trial court appearances concealing a baseball bat under her topcoat. She planned to beat her son’s brains out before being overpowered by the officers of the court. She knew that her life would then be shattered, but she felt that it would be worth the price, since her life had already been destroyed by her granddaughter’s death. What caused Frieda to be unsuccessful is beyond me; postponements, flat tires, and other obstacles to Frieda’s being in the courtroom with her son defy natural explanation!

A few weeks before the trial, Benny and Frieda received some wise counsel. The counselor said, “The way you respond to this tragedy can lift your marriage to new heights, or it can destroy your marriage, but the choice is for you both to make.”

Reaffirming their commitment required them both to be open to anything they needed to learn about themselves and their relationship. Benny learned where he had been strong in his support of Frieda, as well as some areas in which he had not been supportive at all. Frieda learned that she had to forgive her son, which meant rethinking everything she had been taught about forgiveness.

In what Frieda thus learned, she did in fact forgive her son before the trial began.

Throughout human history – religion, politics, art, literature, cinema, and even psychology – men and women of good will have misled others with their teachings on forgiveness. Many lives have been destroyed, even ended, by failures to understand what it means to forgive.

One of the most insidious examples of misleading is the pairing of the word “forgive” with “forget.” The person who says “It’s time to forgive and forget” likely means well, but he or she has never taken the time to examine the meaning of the expression. Such a person is implying that you aren’t truly forgiving unless you also forget. Tell this to Harry Whittington, the man who forgave Dick Cheney after the hunting accident. Do you really think he will ever forget that he was shot, and by whom? On an international scale, we have forgiven the Japanese Empire long ago for their attack on Pearl Harbor, but the event will never be forgotten. (This brings up questions of culpability, of whether the Japanese had truly committed a wrong, and a host of other subjects worthy of discussion elsewhere, while having no relevance to the subject of forgiveness.)

My operative position is that forgiving is not forgetting. In forgiving her son Frieda was not required to forget what he had done to her granddaughter, nor was she compelled to forget the details of the child’s death.

Forgiveness is not the removal of accountability. Frieda in no way failed to forgive her son when she testified for the prosecution. His conviction for capital murder was due in part to Frieda’s testimony.

Forgiveness is not reconciliation, a return to the vulnerability in which the violence had occurred. While this is impossible in Pumpkin’s case, it is so often a tragic misunderstanding that causes an abused wife to return home to her husband. This is where I want to get down on my knees before all survivors of spousal abuse and beg forgiveness for my misguided predecessors and colleagues who counseled them to return home after having been beaten even once. I again want to honor any hesitation on your part to trust me as a Priest. I agree with the decisions of many who chose not to re-enter a relationship in which they have been abused, and I believe they are not deceiving themselves when they say they have forgiven the abuser.

Forgiveness is not denial of the reality or the cruelty of the action. Forgiving someone does not make a person’s behavior acceptable when it was once unacceptable. The wrong remains wrong, irrespective of Frieda’s choice to forgive her son.

If we talk about what forgiveness is NOT, then how about considering what forgiveness IS?

Frieda knew that neither her son’s execution nor his life imprisonment would bring back her granddaughter. She was slightly longer in coming to the realization that her son’s punishment would not balance some cosmic or spiritual scale to bring her any satisfaction. It would have done her no good to have interviewed the family of a murder victim who found no comfort after having witnessed the execution of the murderer. She would have had to experience this herself, or she would have to have received the insight supernaturally. But this too is the subject of another discussion.

Frieda knew that she needed healing, and she came to terms with the three things that this healing required.

First, she learned one more thing about forgiveness. Forgiveness is just as valid in third person as it is in second. That is, Frieda could say “I forgive him” about her son and obtain the same effect as when she would say “I forgive you” to her son. This leads to the second and third points of understanding.

Second, she learned that in her rage and hatred she slammed shut the door to a prison cell. That cell was not her son’s, but it was her own. And she had slammed it shut from the inside. Using a different metaphor, Frieda was performing a lethal injection. She was not killing her son, but she was killing herself. She was doing this much more slowly than the state would have done with her son, but her death was just as certain.

The third point is that Frieda realized she held her freedom, and even her life, in her own hands. She alone could turn the key and open the door to the prison cell. By forgiving her son Frieda would release a prisoner, and she was that prisoner. In the other metaphor, Frieda alone could stop the lethal injection. By forgiving her son Frieda would shut off the flow of deadly poison into her body and remove the IV to begin the healing process.

I will happily report that Frieda’s is a success story. She and Benny are enjoying their life together, and they now reach out to individuals and families in need of recovery from violence, just because they’ve been there and know one of the great truths about living above the destructive effects of human tragedy.

While not all stories of forgiveness have such dramatic effects on those who forgive, the principles nonetheless remain solid. Forgiveness is simple release, letting go, and it is for your benefit. Don’t be deceived by the lies about projecting negativity toward the one you won’t forgive; you are the only one who suffers when you won’t forgive. And please don’t allow some well-meaning enemy to sow tares into these principles that would choke out the benefits that are rightfully yours to claim.

Grace and Peace,

Charles+

Trust In Your Journey

By Charles Moncrief

When I first heard of this project, I was overjoyed to learn of the caring spirit behind the creators. While I'm saddened at the necessity for such a site as this, I'll encourage everyone to apply its principles to the fullest. And let me start by encouraging myself not to dwell on the site's necessity, but rather on its potential. How easy it is to be overwhelmed by the problem that we paralyze ourselves and never work toward the solution.

When I scrolled down the list of contributing writers, I was impressed with their experience, talent, and compassion for the hurting. It is indeed a compliment to be listed among them.

Since I'm a relative unknown contributor, allow me to introduce myself. I'm an Anglican Priest, married to Ruth. By the grace of God this marriage will be a lifetime union. I married up. We have no children. The thrust of my ministry has been that of a chaplain rather than a pastor who runs the shop with a congregation.

I'm painfully aware of the public's deference toward an ordained minister. While wearing my collar, I've been allowed unquestioned access through many doors. Some are literal, such as to a hospital's intensive care unit. Others are figurative, as total strangers have shared with me the intimate secrets they denied to their spouses and even to their own pastors.

I'm writing this, not to belabor any point, but to acknowledge the magnitude of this trust and the great pain associated with its betrayal. Some who read posts on this site know what I'm talking about. In the domestic violence cycle one of the key players is often a pastor whose advice has been more hurtful than helpful.

I accept your hesitation to trust me. My prayer is that I will prove worthy of the trust you are willing to extend. It's not about me. It's about you. And it's about your relationship to God. As a chaplain I've been a pastor to many non-Christians, and I'll be likewise sensitive to this site's goals. I will quote Scripture where I feel it's relevant for encouragement, but not to evangelize.

All of this being said, I'd like to paraphrase a post I read on a social network site today. Even the most pained, depressed, and deeply hurting have more hope than can be expressed. I'll refer to Romans 8:28, which says "...we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Whatever your specific purpose may be, my immediate purpose is to encourage you to find the good that lies ahead for you. Blessings to each of you on your journey.

Charles+