"Hoochie Mama?" What I Heard!

By Susie Kroll

My husband and I went to the movies last Friday. It isn’t something we do often as Netflix makes movie watching at home more desirable, even if we have to wait for new releases. Back to the topic at hand, what I heard.

As my husband and I walked toward the theatre, we were surrounded by hordes of teenagers. Most of them were on cell phones, some were laughing and talking in groups, and still others were horsing around in the landscaping of the mall and theatre. It was all typical behavior in my book. Then I heard some guy yell, “Hey Hoochie Mama!” I looked in his general direction and saw that he was a teenager and was approaching a group of girls. When I was a teen, I would have told that guy to, well not appropriate language for this blog. Nevertheless, I would have been insulted and walked away from him. At the very least he would have been told not to address me in that manner.

Surprise of surprise, one of the teen girls giggled joyfully and ran to him. He slapped her on her butt while she gushed and hugged him. Her girlfriends didn’t seem alarmed or surprised by her behavior. For the sake of being thorough, I checked with the Urban Dictionary regarding “Hoochie Mama”. A summation of definitions include, slut, girl having multiple babies with different fathers, wearer of tight clothing, trashy makeup, and gaudy jewelry. Additionally, a Hoochie Mama wears dark, thick, and slutty makeup. The Urban Dictionary also says that a man can label a woman with this name as well as a group of jealous women. So what’s my point? First, this is not a positive or humorous word or label. Even the Urban Dictionary paints it in a derogatory light. Second, it is meant as an insult to the bearer. The girl that was called this name was not dressed slutty or trashy and she didn't have a train-load of babies with her. She was a typical American teen, clad in jeans and a t-shirt.

Why did the teen girl giggle and willingly accept the label from the boy? And, why is that a bad thing? I have a few theories on this matter. I have noticed that there has been a shift in the attention girls are willing to accept from boys, say from the 1950’s until now. It may be culturally, pop-culturally, and media induced. Long gone are the days of girls wearing their guy’s letterman’s jackets or fraternity pins. Teens are bombarded with images of singers, rappers, reality TV stars, and various celebrities’ objectifying women. There has been a transition from femininity as an asset to sex and the female body as a woman’s only asset. How said asset is used and displayed has also changed.

Recognition and attention from an admirer is wonderful. It feels good. Someone telling you that you are beautiful or asking you out on a date are some of the things that makes ones heart flutter. Finding ways to foster that are natural and should be a normal part of life. However, I am saddened and struggle daily with the reality that most teenage girls now believe that any attention from an admirer is positive. Hence why the girl at the theatre was so gleeful at the name that guy called her. He may have been joking but I still deem it unacceptable. I also struggle with the either deliberate or unconscious acceptance of the “sex is your only asset” attitude and the degree to which girls are living up to it. I see that girls are embodying this attitude in their appearance, attitudes, and acceptance of treatment by other people both male and female.

So why is this bad? In addition to it teaching our teens that their self-worth is devalued, it plants the seeds for further denigration. If I was a teen and I was comfortable with being called a Hoochie Mama or a slut, would I then be comfortable with a partner calling me stupid or worthless? If I wasn’t could I become comfortable with those labels? It is a slippery slope. It easily makes an abuser’s behavior acceptable and camouflaged to the receiver and bystanders. If everyone thinks the name-calling is funny or not serious, then they are more likely to miss the signs of dating violence. I am not saying that the guy at the theatre is an abuser. I am just saying that teenager’s acceptance of seemingly minor name-calling or labels open the door to a potentially harmful future situation. They could be victims or blind bystanders to someone else’s victimization. A change needs to be made in our teenager’s minds and attitudes. To make this change the responsibility lies with both parties. The seeker of the admiration needs to draw a line in the sand and decide what attention they are willing to acknowledge and what they will not. It is also the responsibility of the giver of attention to decide what behaviors are respectful, positive, and should be fostered. Calling someone a Hoochie Mama isn’t positive or desirable. Telling someone they are smart or funny or cute is.

It is easy to say that teachers, celebrities, parents, and the government should do something. If we take that attitude then the problem becomes too overwhelming to solve as there are so many factors and facets to it. So let’s start small. Each of us should decide within ourselves what attention we are willing to accept. Once that decision is made we can tell our friends or partners. Hopefully it will get everyone thinking about what they want or don’t want. Slowly mindsets will change. Attitudes will change. I would hope that all teenagers would then learn and believe that the favor of an admirer is earned. It must be appropriate, positive, and not derogatory in nature. If someone wants your attention they should seek it respectfully.

Susie Kroll specializes in speaking about Teen Dating Violence and Healthy & Safe Dating. She conducts workshops, keynotes, training, and seminars on issues specifically related to teens and their relationships. Susie is a regular "Ask the Expert" columnist for Reasons To Be Beautiful magazine. Visit her Website and Blog.

Increase Abundant Living Using Affirmations

By Pamela Chapman

“Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never harm you.” LIE—A GREAT LIE. Words kill and words give life. Come along with me and tell me which of the words below are empowering, increase your self-esteem, and make you feel like the Divine being you were created to be: intelligent, kind, stupid, resilient, healthy, confident, wealthy, idiot, resourceful, creative, good-for-nothing, fool, expressive.

The words that increase your self-esteem are obvious, yes? But, how many of us have experienced the words of death—the words that keep us from excelling, have produced low self-esteem, fear and doubt?

We are now beginning to understand the power of the spoken word. Words are like a magic wand. They can be filled with beauty, joy, peace, and life or they can be filled with hatred, disdain, pain and destruction. They will motivate, encourage, and assist us in reaching our potential and our dreams—give birth. Or, they will de-motivate, discourage, stifle and hinder our dreams—produce death.

If you suffer from low self-esteem, reflect back over your childhood. You can probably think of several damaging and hurtful statements directed at you by a parent, sibling or even a teacher. Statements like:

• You’re nothing and you’re never going to be nothing,
• You’re no good just like your (fill in the blank),
• Shut up and be quiet,
• You’re too ugly, too fat, or too stupid.

There are far too many of us who are all too familiar with the above, painful statements.

Many of us have not realized that our words were a form of dynamite and should be handled carefully with wisdom and understanding. We have hurled words of anger, resentment or self-pity into the atmosphere and then wondered why life was so difficult.

In Scripture it is said, “For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Now, there are three compartments of the mind: the subconscious, conscious and super-conscious. The subconscious mind is not immediately available to the consciousness. It is raw energy without control. It is the Niagara Falls of our mind. Fear, worry, anxiety, inferiority, low self-esteem, or positive emotions and thoughts are ceaseless, never sleeping, always at work.

It has been determined that more than 90% of our decisions are made from a subconscious level. The subconscious mind is created from our experiences, people’s and our own words. Old subconscious thought patterns, created out of experience of action or words, must be radicalized, if negative. How do we know that our subconscious mind is filled with negativity? Look around. You create exactly what you think known as the Law of Attraction. Affirmations assist in impressing and imprinting upon the subconscious.

The conscious mind perceives, apprehends, or notices with a degree of controlled thought and observation. From consciousness is where we observe and experience life for what it is whether it be sickness, disease, death, good health, wealth, and perfect self expression. It is your world, the creation of thought and word.

Most individuals have heard of and are quite comfortable with the two compartments mentioned. However, there is one other. It is the elevated mind, the mind of supreme intelligence which is within each man. It is the realm of perfect ideas, the perfect pattern, and the Divine Design: It is called the super-conscious or the God-conscious.

The super-conscious usually comes into your mind as an ideal that is too big to obtain, the “too good to be true” idea. Supreme Intelligence lives within each and every one of us and we are the channels for its expression. These are often finished and prefect ideas that must come through you and not to you; those defining moments that are often experienced the first thing in the morning when waking from your sleep state. In order to experience the super-conscious or God-conscious: perfect self-expression; healthy self-esteem; health; wealth; and abundance, continually, you must learn to impress the sub-conscious overcoming any and all obstacles that have been set. Affirmations are an excellent means to an end.

Here are a few powerful affirmations to get you out of the starting gate:

• I put the past behind me. I release it and live for today, in today. I live in the now. 
• I AM healthy, wealthy, and wise. I am on the road to happy success. 
• I AM wide awake to my good. I will not be troubled and fearful. 
• I reject every negative word I have spoken of myself, every negative word spoken toward me, and every negative thought I have of myself. 
• I AM fearfully and awesomely made; whole, and without blemish. 
• I have riches, life, joy, and peace in abundance. No one can take them from me. 
• I let go of worn-out conditions and worn out things. Divine order is established in my mind, body, and my affairs. 
• I AM the mirror of perfection, goodness, faith, hope and love. 

Here is an important note. Affirmations cannot be practiced once or twice and affect the subconscious. They must be practiced daily, ideally, two to three times a day. It is proven that if this practice is repeated sixty or ninety times, not only will you have a good habit but, the subconscious will be transformed and then the conscious mind will begin to experience and see all of its new beliefs opening the door to the amazing God-conscious with ease.

I strongly suggest that you create your own powerful, life-changing affirmations to find and build your life of abundance. Use the above statements as a jumping board. Speak the statements out loud with power and conviction, turning your affirmations into declarations, and see amazing miracles manifest into your Divine life even more quickly, easily, and powerfully.

Pamela Chapman is the Founder of iAscend Programs.

To learn more about Pamela, her work and her books, please visit her website:  http://pamelachapman.biz

The Blame Game

By Gaetane Borders 

 June 25, 2009 is the date that one of the most iconic people in the world passed away.  His name was Michael Jackson.  He was a former child star whose celebrity grew to such proportions that other stars felt sorry for him about the amount of scrutiny he received from the media.  As the 1^st anniversary of his death approaches, more drama ensues….mirroring the life that he once led. 


As if on cue, just a few days ago Michael’s father, Joe Jackson, accused his estranged wife of not doing enough to prevent their son’s death.

He described the scene shortly after the news was confirmed that Michael was dead in a recent interview with News of The World:

“Katherine was weeping uncontrollably and highly upset. But I didn’t give her a hug because I was mad at her crying.

“I said, ‘If you had listened to me Michael would be living now!’ I kept thinking about the times I had stood in front of her saying something was wrong.”

“I couldn’t bottle up my feelings. Katherine didn’t say a word – I had to get away from her. If she’d done what I asked, Michael would be here today. I am incensed with her. She could have made a difference.”

Katherine Jackson’s attorney swiftly issued a statement saying, “Joe Jackson's statements and conduct toward Mrs. Jackson are outrageous. The world knows Mrs. Jackson has always been a loving and caring mother and grandmother, and she had a very special relationship with Michael. The world also knows who Joe Jackson is and he seems bent on never letting us forget.” 


My goodness!  What a circus, and what a travesty.  During all the he said/she said drama that is playing out in the media, I do think that it is important to note that behaviors and personalities do not develop in a vacuum.  Rather, most experts agree, that they are the result of a combination between experiences and genetics (ie. Nature vs. nurture).  In Michael’s own words, his father’s severe parenting style caused him such anxiety that as an adult he was nauseous whenever his father was near.  Michael also described how his father teased him about his looks, and how this affected his self-esteem.  Now, I fall short of saying that these experiences single handedly caused the eccentric personality that Michael seemingly turned out to be, or his alleged drug addictions.  However, there is no doubt that they affected the person that Michael became.



What this Jackson family drama has helped to showcase is that despite having millions of dollars in an account, they still experience the ills that affect any average family.  In fact, despite the demonstrative manner in which it was done by Michael’s father, playing the blame game is a common occurrence that happens between parents after the death of a child.
According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, parents often experience more anger, depression, guilt, and physical symptoms than those grieving other losses. The “conflict can occur between the parents due to lack of understanding about each person's way of expressing grief. Marital problems, which were present before the child's death, can re-emerge, often with increased strength. Blaming can occur and the words that are said to each other in anger and grief can have a lifelong impact.”


The AAMFT recommends the following:

• Keep a journal; sometimes it is helpful to put down in words what you are feeling and thinking.
• Talk about your child, if you want to. Although it may be painful, it can help you heal.
• Take time to do a familiar activity with your family. This helps to provide stability when your world is feeling chaotic.
• Join a support group; parents often respond that becoming involved in bereavement groups helped them through their loss and with their relationship.
• Seek therapy when you, or others close to you, feel that your grief is becoming too difficult to bear, or is too prolonged.

I sincerely hope that Michael’s father carefully analyses his previous allegations hard enough to see just how damaging and hurtful his statements are to both his estranged wife and his other children.  Instead of focusing on what others may have done wrong, I encourage him to take time to reflect on his own actions (or inactions).  After all, you know what they say….when you point a finger at someone else, you have three others pointing back at you.  I’m just saying……. 
 

Recovering What Was Lost

By Tanya Warrington

Recovery.  A popular word for those recovering from substance abuse, and a very appropriate word for those of us who are reclaiming what was lost from being abused. Abuse destroys so much. The abuser rips away our safety, throws aside our dignity, and pummels our self-worth. He or she intentionally takes without giving because it helps him or her get what they want, increasing his or her sense of power and pleasure. I’ve done lots of study on why abusers do what they do, but it is still difficult to understand with my heart. I just can’t fathom ever wanting to do to another the things that have been done to me. I doubt you can either. Thank goodness, our healing journey of recovering what was taken away from us does not require us to fully understand the abuser.

Each person’s recovery is unique but there are some parts of it that we all must walk through. Before we can get very far, we must acknowledge the pain and damage that we carry inside even though we’d rather not.  We’re good at shoving that pain out of sight and ignoring it. At least we think we are. But others around us still see the pain they see it when we eat too much to comfort ourselves, or we work excessive hours, or we spend more money than we have. They can see our pain in the way we are so reluctant to trust others or in the ways we try to be invisible or in the way hide behind baggy clothes. Or for some of us, we give ourselves away by the way we try to control everyone and everything so that we won’t feel powerless again, or the way we wear provocative clothing and hang around dangerous people to prove that we are the ones choosing our plight, or the way we start arguments with our abuser to get abuse out of the way for this week or day.

The pain is frightening. It feels overwhelming. If you look at it, it feels like it will be your undoing—that you’ll never stop crying or raging, or maybe both. For years, it literally felt as if my world would come to an end if I opened my Pandora’s Box of pain. I eventually opened that box anyway because the pain of continuing as I was became as big as the pain shoved away. I became willing to see where new ways would take me because the old ways weren’t serving me well. In hindsight, it is funny to see that indeed my world did end, sort of. My world of feeling worthless and trapped ended. My world of living in constant fear ended. My world of feeling helpless and hopeless ended.  And I am the better for it. Facing the memories that horrified me released me from my prison and enabled me to begin creating a world that was far better.

After the initial trauma of acknowledging what happened to you there comes a period of counting the cost. What was lost in the abuse? For all of us did indeed lose important things that we would like to recover. At first, denial and minimization try to convince us that nothing is missing or that it didn’t matter much anyway. But don’t be fooled. Yes, it hurts but it is important to see the damage. If your home was burglarized and ransacked, you would be asked to examine your home and identify what damage was done and which items were stolen. If you refused, then no one could help you to search for the lost items or to help you fix the damage. So you take a deep breath and you begin to look around. Just as burglars tend to take jewelry, money, and electronics, so too there is a list of items that abusers tend to steal. Upon examination you will probably notice that your general trust of humanity is gone. Now people are potential threats, possible abusers in hiding. The world that used to feel like a generally safe place doesn’t feel safe anymore; it feels unsafe. Your image of yourself is changed. You look in the mirror now and see someone who is too weak to prevent abuse, too dumb to recognize abusers, too foolish to earn safety. Or if not these descriptors, then some other unattractive quality is seen to be at fault. By the very nature of abuse, victims struggle with feeling guilty and responsible for the crimes committed against themselves.  It isn’t logical to the mind, but it is reality to the heart. And so we must do an inventory of our warped perceptions that point to what is missing.

Looking at what was stolen isn’t fun, but it is part of a new beginning. We discover that we can’t get was taken back from the abuser. Just as so many house burglaries and investigations do not return the original belongings. But that is not the end of the story. In real life, life goes on after the burglary. Sometimes so slowly, at first, but then, eventually, returning to normal, or more accurately a new normal. New items are purchased to replace the stolen items. New locks or gates or security systems are installed to cut down on the likelihood of a repeat performance.  All this is done not by the thief, but by the one who was stolen from. Just so, the abused one is responsible for replacing what was lost and securing boundaries to protect her or his own safety in the future. It is our job to give ourselves the good things that we lost or that our parents never even helped us have in the first place. Even people who haven’t been abused must do this work, just not as intensely and not as pervasively as an abuse victim. It can help to remember that when self-pity threatens to bog us down. We are not alone. Others have to work on their interpersonal boundaries, others need to consciously build up their self-esteem, and others need to consider safety issues. We can do the work of recovering what was lost.

Along the way, the choices we make as we go about replacing what was lost bring joy.  Living in this very moment joy. Discovering that we can make wise decisions joy. We’re growing and discovering new things that we like type of joy. Just as the burglarized victim might upgrade her sound system after a burglary and wonder why she hadn’t done so years ago is blessed, so too we can make upgrade choices that pay us back in joy for years to come. We can choose better things than those that were lost. We can choose realistic expectations with joy-filled hopes. We can choose an honest evaluation of ourselves at the present and we can choose to practice behaviors that will help us to become someone better, someone we like better. We can choose to rid our lives of abusive relationships and we can choose to fill our lives with supportive, loving relationships. We can choose so many good things for ourselves once we start choosing and find out what possibilities exist.

Healing isn’t an easy journey. Recovery is not a smooth flat road. It is bumpy and hilly. But it is more than doable. Recovery is truly possible. I know it to be true because I’ve been recovering and I’ve met many other courageous women and men who are recovering too.

If you’re already in the process of recovering, keep on going fellow sojourner. If you’ve been feeling stuck, take hope in knowing that you are not alone. Others walk in your same path. Also remember that help is always available. You can seek professional counseling or you can attend a recovery meeting or support group in your community or on the internet. If you realize that you’ve been the victim of abuse but hadn’t begun recovering, be encouraged. Just reading this article can be part of recovery. Just admitting that you were abused is part of recovery. Be strengthened and keep on trudging. There are many good books you can read, trustworthy people you can share your story with, and many available resources. You can recover.

Tanya Warrington is the author of the blog Dazzling Wings.

Self-Worth; Fight For It, Damn It!

By Anny Jacoby

Why do so many women feel that they are not worthy? How did they lose their self-worth? Is it because of the way the world has portrayed a perfect women "today"? Is it because someone took it from them? Is that the void some fill by over eating? Did their partner breach a trust? Did their partner demean them with insults about how they look? Did their partner admire other women? Did they grow up being ridiculed by a family member? Have they been suffering from a controlling illness? Were they bullied and criticized through their school years? Were they sexually abused as a child? Were they laughed at in a moment of vulnerability? Were they ever raped or abused?

"Self-worth" is a word that is so much easier to say and spell than it is to feel.

All of the above experiences mentioned and so many more play a major part of pouring a woman's self-worth right down the toilet. The people causing these kind of negative actions are totally responsible for destroying and tearing down a woman's worth. To destroy or tear down a woman's self-worth is one of the cruelest ways to treat a human being. It is a no win situation for that woman. She cannot fight back. She is attacked blindfolded. Humiliation has succeeded - the battle is won. Anyone can win against innocence. When the battle turns around is when the true win begins. A true win is when a woman who has lost her self-worth stands up and takes the control back.

You are not responsible for falling or losing the battle. But YOU ARE TOTALLY responsible for getting back up. It is you that has to pull it together. You need to go back as far as you can in your mind that puts a smile on your face, remembering those "warm and fuzzy", happy times. If you can't then think of someone that you know that is hurting more deeply than yourself and use that as your motivation. Allow yourself to go there in your mind. Use these thoughts to give you reason to get up. Your self-worth IS worth fighting for.

Yes, perhaps you have been hurt, disappointed and raped of one of your most sacred emotions, SELF-WORTH. NOW YOU WANT IT BACK, SO TAKE IT BACK! It is right inside of you. You just have to bury the memories and pain under all of your dirty laundry. You can continue to feel empty, use drugs, alcohol or even food to fill that void inside of you. You can miss out on life because you are forgetting to fight and it is so much easier to have a pity party.

You can worry about if you try to gain back your self-worth that you will fail and feel even more lonely. You may fail the first try, second or even the third. You feel that it's all hopeless. If you give into that feeling, then you are truly letting yourself down as well as others that love and care for you. YOU have now become responsible for losing your chance at regaining YOUR self-worth. You are allowing whatever it was that tore you apart in the first place to take control of all of you and your soul. You are allowing a memory to defeat you. There is no person there, just a thought. Why are you doing this? You know that you can stop it. You know how!

The strength of negative thinking is overwhelming and controlling in itself. I have felt it's power many, many times. Honestly, to the point that I could hardly feel myself breath. That was when I knew that I, and only I could stop it and take back the control of MY DESTINY.

For those that have been through a battle and are struggling or may have struggled to just get up on an elbow, feeling empty inside and so alone that you wonder why you even got up today............YOU CAN AND WILL BEAT THIS!

GAINING BACK YOUR SELF-WORTH

You must look inside of yourself and dig for the real you. Don't dig for the you has been scarred, wounded or hurt but the you that can smile, laugh and appreciate all of the good things in life. If you will just open your positive side and allow the great things to reach you the feeling will truly be uplifting. The more positive thoughts that you fill yourself with, the less negative thoughts can't nor won't survive.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off; you must move onto HABITS - positive habits of thinking. You must also be honest with your bad habits, what they are and where they are taking you. Identify them and how they are bringing you down, instead of up. The bad habits you have allowed to run your life. Now, as you have invited them in, you will un-invite them.

You must reconstruct your thought patterns to think WIN, not to lose. Immediately remove the words, "give up" from your vocabulary and replace them with "NEVER GIVE UP!" You must make a new commitment to yourself, the only one that you can reach out and touch!

You will always be stronger than your greatest weaknesses. Those weaknesses will never win again against your strengths..........NEVER!

To strengthen the mental you, you must strengthen the physical you. I am not referring to becoming a body builder or a full bore athlete. I simply mean a healthier you, A YOU THAT YOU WANT TO BE!

You must always remember, whatever it was that brought you down in yourself is in the past. If you continue to allow the pain to live inside of you, you will suffer. The past is over and there is no suffering on your part that will erase it. Get on with life. Reach deep inside of yourself and bring back the who YOU are.

Bring back the person YOU can smile in the mirror at.

Bring back the person YOU talk to all of the time.

Bring back the person that YOU were meant to be.

Bring back YOU, and then.......YOU WILL HAVE YOUR SELF-WORTH BACK - FIGHT FOR IT, DAMN IT!

"You can't conquer what you can't confront."

Take care and STAY SAFE!

The Empowerment Of Understanding Fear - Don't Allow It To Steal Your Dreams

By Anny Jacoby

Whether you get stung by a bee or simply watch as a friend gets stung, you might start to run and hide every time a bee buzzes across your path. Why do you do this? It turns out that your brain areas that respond when fear is learned through personal experience are also triggered when we see someone else afraid. This definitely explains why some people are afraid of things like spiders and snakes despite little contact with them.

You learn fear by observing other people's emotional expressions that can be as effective as having direct experiences yourself. This certainly explains one of the reasons why a lot of people have phobias of certain kinds of stimuli, such as rape, assault, abuse, stalking, abduction and much more. Just the thought of the aforementioned makes individuals extremely uncomfortable and justly so.

Fear is defined as an emotional response to an unknown or impending danger or as in expectation of harm or evil. Fear can create feelings of apprehension, anxiety, alarm, dread, fright or terror. When you are in fear, you are scared of someone, something or a potential outcome.

We all experience fear at one point in time or another. Actually, fear is a great way to keep us from hurting ourselves. Fear keeps us from putting our hand on the hot burner of the stove. It keeps us from jumping from high places, or leaves us tentative when going into a darkened room. These types of fears are good. They keep us safe. They make us think before we do, knowing full well the potential outcome and repercussions of our actions.

We can experience fear of closed in spaces such as elevators, afraid of the water or flying in airplanes. Fear is a reaction or response to some previous life experience or trauma or even the thought of any potential dangerous situation. Fear can impact us in many ways and it can steal our dreams. The bottom line is.......fear takes away our choices. It can keep us from doing the things we want or need to do for ourselves. It limits us, constrains us and can end up ruling our lives. It can consume our energy and enjoyment of life, leaving us experiencing additional unexplainable stress, frustration or feeling just plain stuck in the mud.

Being in or living in fear is all about choices. You can choose to move forward, or you can choose to stand still marking time.

Fear does not have to be a "freeze" mechanism that prevents a beneficial reaction. One must decide what frightens you more - being dominated, injured or killed by an assailant/batterer, or taking a risk and fighting back. You may hurt yourself somehow by protecting yourself against your assailant, his knife might nick your ear, a bullet from his gun may graze your head, or you might end up with bruises and your body sore; but you're chance of being alive is much greater than not. Learning personal safety (realistic self-defense) mentally and physically is a means to escape and ultimate survival. If you are too scared to react defensively and decide to remain under an assailant's control - he will have his way with you. Your mind can be more dangerous than your assailant. You must turn your fear into an effective reaction thus allowing yourself to be empowered.

Psychological fear leads to doubt and hesitation. Unchecked it can result in anxiety and/or panic. When you begin to doubt yourself you start to think, "What if I lose?", "What if I get hurt?". Thoughts of this sort must be eliminated from your vocabulary. You must remain positive, assertive and focus on the ability to motivate yourself=empowerment.

Miraculous things happen to those who consciously choose to overcome your fears and embrace them. You gain certainty in your safety skills, abilities and downfalls.

What do you fear? Perhaps it's time to turn on the light and step through the door of empowerment.

"Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out."

-----Karl A. Menninger

Take care and STAY SAFE!