Know the Facts About Who IS Lurking On the Internet…for Your Kids Sake

We are learning every day of more and more kids who are on Facebook and other social media sites are ideal prey for predators. Every parent, adult and child must be educated about internet safety. Please read, digest and share the following information with your loved ones and others. You never know how many lives you may touch today.

After tossing her books on the sofa, she decided to grab a snack and get on-line. She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213. She checked her Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on. She sent him an instant message:

ByAngel213:

Hi. I’m glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home today. It was really weird!

GoTo123:

LOL You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you? Don’t you live in a safe neighborhood?

ByAngel213:

Of course I do. LOL I guess it was my imagination cuz’ I didn’t see anybody when I looked out.

GoTo123:

Unless you gave your name out on-line. You haven’t done that have you?

ByAngel213:

Of course not. I’m not stupid you know.

GoTo123:

Did you have a softball game after school today?

ByAngel213:

Yes, and we won!!

GoTo123:

That’s great! Who did you play?

ByAngel213:

We played the Hornets. LOL. Their uniforms are so gross! They look like bees. LOL

GoTo123:

What is your team called?

ByAngel213:

We are the Canton Cats. We have tiger paws on our uniforms. They are really cool.

GoTo123:

Did you pitch?

ByAngel213:

No, I play second base. I got to go. My homework has to be done before my parents get home. I don’t want them mad at me. Bye!

GoTo123:

Catch you later. Bye

Meanwhile, GoTo123 went to the member menu and began to search for her profile. When it came up, he highlighted it and printed it out. He took out a pen and began to write down what he knew about Angel so far.

Her name: Shannon

Birthday: Jan. 3, 1985

Age: 13

State where she lived: North Carolina

Hobbies: softball, chorus, skating and going to the mall. Besides this information, he knew she lived in Canton because she had just told him. He knew she stayed by herself until 6:30 p.m. every afternoon until her parents came home from work. He knew she played softball on Thursday afternoons on the school team, and the team was named the Canton Cats. Her favorite number 7 was printed on her jersey. He knew she was in the eighth grade at the Canton Junior High School. She had told him all this in the conversations they had on-line. He had enough information to find her now.

Shannon didn’t tell her parents about the incident on the way home from the ballpark that day. She didn’t want them to make a scene and stop her from walking home from the softball games. Parents were always overreacting and hers were the worst. It made her wish she was not an only child. Maybe if she had brothers and sisters, her parents wouldn’t be so overprotective.

By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her.

Her game was in full swing when suddenly she felt someone staring at her. It was then that the memory came back. She glanced up from her second base position to see a man watching her closely.

He was leaning against the fence behind first base and he smiled when she looked at him. He didn’t look scary and she quickly dismissed the sudden fear she had felt.

After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach. She noticed his smile once again as she walked past him.. He nodded and she smiled back. He noticed her name on the back of her shirt. He knew he had found her.

Quietly, he walked a safe distance behind her. It was only a few blocks to Shannon’s home, and once he saw where she lived he quickly returned to the park to get his car.

Now he had to wait. He decided to get a bite to eat until the time came to go to Shannon’s house. He drove to a fast food restaurant and sat there until time to make his move.

Shannon was in her room later that evening when she heard voices in the living room.

“Shannon, come here,” her father called. He sounded upset and she couldn’t imagine why. She went into the room to see the man from the ballpark sitting on the sofa.

“Sit down,” her father began, “this man has just told us a most interesting story about you.”

Shannon sat back. How could he tell her parents anything? She had never seen him before today!

“Do you know who I am, Shannon?” the man asked.

“No,” Shannon answered.

“I am a police officer and your online friend, GoTo123.”

Shannon was stunned. “That’s impossible! GoTo123 is a kid my age! He’s 14. And he lives in Michigan!”

The man smiled. “I know I told you all that, but it wasn’t true. You see, Shannon, there are people on-line who pretend to be kids; I was one of them. But while others do it to injure kids and hurt them, I belong to a group of parents who do it to protect kids from predators. I came here to find you to teach you how dangerous it is to talk to people on-line. You told me enough about yourself to make it easy for me to find you. You named the school you went to, the name of your ball team and the position you played. The number and name on your jersey just made finding you a breeze.”

Shannon was stunned. “You mean you don’t live in Michigan?”

He shook his head. “No, I live in Raleigh. It made you feel safe to think I was so far away, didn’t it?”

She nodded.

“I had a friend whose daughter was like you. Only she wasn’t as lucky. The guy found her, did bad things to her and then murdered her while she was home alone. Kids are taught not to tell anyone when they are alone, yet they do it all the time on-line. The wrong people trick you into giving out information a little here and there on-line. Before you know it, you have told them enough for them to find you without even realizing you have done it. I hope you’ve learned a lesson from this and won’t do it again. And, please tell others about this so they will be safe too, okay?”

“It’s a promise!”

That night Shannon and her Dad and Mom thanked God for protecting Shannon from what could have been a tragic situation.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Personal Safety Expert and Child Abuse Prevention Specialist
Anny is the President of The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company and Project Safe Girls

Anny received her PDR (Personal Defense Readiness) Instructor Certification in 2008. Anny is also a Child Abuse Authorized Facilitator and Prevention Specialist who trains adults to prevent, recognize and react responsibility to child sexual abuse through Darkness to Light's Stewards of Children certification program.

Self Care and Healing for Advocates...

By Anny Jacoby

Everyday advocates at rape crisis centers, domestic violence agencies and independents in the field see and hear the effects of victimization. When a community is shaken by a high profile case with media attention coming out of the woodwork an advocates work can be or is even more overwhelming. Advocates respond in person or by phone to many victims as they reach out for support, guidance, a safe place to begin their journey and the process of healing. As advocates we see and hear first-hand traumatic experiences of sexual assault and abuse against women, children and men daily. Advocates carry these experiences with them and even perhaps if an advocate is a survivor may experience "flashbacks". The constant exposure to any type of trauma can take a toll on an advocate's well-being. The evil of the world becomes more evident and something as simple as listening to a song or watching a movie, can fill us with anxiety, sadness, anger, and other negative feelings.

Positive impacts of advocacy are many...to witness a victim or survivor's courage, her/his strength and their commitment to healing themselves and families are beyond words.

What is Advocacy?

The definition of an advocate as a noun is:

1. One that pleads the cause of another

2. One that defends or maintains a cause or proposal

3. One that supports or promotes the interests of another

The definition of an advocate as a verb is:

To speak, plead, or argue in favor of.

1. One that argues for a cause, a supporter or defender

2. One that pleads in another's behalf

Noun Synonyms: supporter, spokesperson, promoter, upholder

Verb Synonyms: advise, build up, campaign for, defend, encourage, go bat for, justify, promote, recommend, speak for, spread around, support, urge, protect, shield, support

When the definitions and roles of an advocate are put forth and we understand exactly what our mission is there is nothing that will stop us. Or at the least, we will find a way around the obstacle in order to assist and extend our hand to those in need. I think one can agree with me that any advocate who pours her/his heart and soul into their mission or cause with positivity and deep emotions will be touched in some way or another. It's inevitable.

Marishka Hargitay plays Detective Olivia Benson on Law and Order; Special Victim's Unit and President and Founder of the Joyful Heart Foundation, stated:

"When people are abused and assaulted,
it is like the doors to their souls slam shut."

Just as souls of victims shut down, souls of advocates can shut down as well. If our souls shut down, how can we continue to assist and help victims to heal and transition into survivors and assist in lighting their souls once again? Where do advocates find support? How does "second-hand trauma" affect advocates? One of the most important things that I have learned throughout the years of advocacy was the absolute need and must to take care of ourselves. It is imperative to advocate "self-care".

Often when an advocate does not advocate "self-care" we see extreme levels of burnout and loss of passion for our mission and work. An advocate must take care of herself/himself while caring for others. Advocates owe themselves, their families and victims to take care of themselves because you cannot help others until you help yourself first. It is equally important that while you are being supportive of others it is just as important to be supportive and to take care of yourself.

So, how can an advocate focus on "self-care"?

General Prevention:
*Become aware of symptoms of stress before they become severe
*Establish clear, realistic stress management goals
*Incorporate all of the support and planning necessary to make it work
*The challenge is to find the satisfactory level of stress each of us requires in order to thrive.

Personal Strategies of Self-Care:
*Physical - Eat, exercise, dance, swim, walk, run, take vacations, sleep, get medical care when needed...
*Emotional - Love yourself, cry, laugh, express outrage, play with children, praise yourself, stay in contact with important people...
*Psychological - self reflect, journal, read, decrease stress, be curious...
*Spiritual - reflect, spend time outdoors, be inspired, pray, sing, meditate, identify what is meaningful, experience awe and cherish your hope...
*Workplace & professional - take a break, chat with other volunteers and staff members, set limits, balance your time, make your workspace comfortable and soothing...
*Balance between work life, volunteerism, family, play and relationships...


As Mother Teresa wrote, "To keep the lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it."


When it comes to stress relief, we need all of the help that we can get. When you are centered, those reaching out to you benefit as well.

Take a moment out of your busy schedule daily to relax (about 7 minutes). Read the following relaxation guide and then listen to the video/music below - you deserve it.

Close your office door, turn the lights off or dim them. Sit back in your chair, prop your feet up if able or lie on the floor, become comfortable, close your eyes and relax. As you settle, relax the weight of your body into the support of your chair or the floor. Notice how the body makes contact with the support of the chair or the floor. Relax the back of your legs...the back of your hips...your lower back, middle back and upper back. Relax the back of your shoulders...the back of your arms...the back of your neck...and the back of your head. Make any adjustments you need to, to relax the body into the chair/floor more fully. Relax into the support of the chair/floor completely.

Relax the muscles of your face. Relax your eyes and your forehead. Relax your temples and cheeks. Relax you mouth and jaw. Relax your whole face. Place your hands on your belly. Feel the rise and fall of your belly as you breathe. Notice each inhalation as it enters the body, and each exhalation as it exits the body. Let your breathing be soft, full and easy. No effort. Let the body be breathed. As you inhale, say silently in your mind, ‘Let.’ As you exhale, silently say ‘Go.’ Inhale, ‘Let.’ Exhale, ‘Go.’

Continue to observe the breath, letting the body sink deeper and deeper into relaxation. Let your arms rest by your side. As you exhale, make a soft fist with each hand. As you inhale, relax the fist, and let your hands remain softly curled and relaxed. Let the body sink deeper and deeper into the support of the floor.

Now, bring your awareness to your feet. Feel the soles of your feet, and all 10 toes. Imagine that you could inhale and exhale through the soles of your feet. Imagine the breath entering the body through the soles of the feet, and exiting the body through the soles of the feet. Inhale. Exhale.

Now, bring your awareness to your hands. Feel the backs of the hands, the palms of the hands and all 10 fingers. Imagine that you could inhale and exhale through the palms of your hands. Imagine the breath entering the body through the palms of your hands, and exiting the body through the palms of your hands. Inhale. Exhale.

Now, bring your awareness to your belly. Feel the belly rise and fall as you breathe. Imagine that you could inhale and exhale through the navel. Imagine the breath entering the body through the navel and filling the belly. Imagine the breath exiting the body through the navel. Inhale. Exhale.

Now, let your mind relax deeper, below awareness of the breath. Let the mind relax below the level of concentration on anything, including the breath. Let the body and mind let go. Let go, completely.

Notice your breathing. Notice each inhalation as it enters the body and each exhalation as it exits the body. Bring your hands back to the belly, and feel the belly rise and fall. Let your breathing be soft, full and easy. Notice the whole body. Notice the whole body supported by the floor. Notice how easy it is to be in your body, in this moment. Feeling fully supported, in this pose, and in all areas of your life.

When you’re ready to begin moving out of relaxation, gently move the fingers and toes. Let some sensation spread into the hands and feet. Stretch or move in any way that feels good. If on the floor, roll onto your right side, and rest there. If sitting, remain relaxed. Breathe easily. Take the best feeling of this relaxation with you.

InnerIDEA

Take care and STAY SAFE!

The Empowerment Of Understanding Fear - Don't Allow It To Steal Your Dreams

By Anny Jacoby

Whether you get stung by a bee or simply watch as a friend gets stung, you might start to run and hide every time a bee buzzes across your path. Why do you do this? It turns out that your brain areas that respond when fear is learned through personal experience are also triggered when we see someone else afraid. This definitely explains why some people are afraid of things like spiders and snakes despite little contact with them.

You learn fear by observing other people's emotional expressions that can be as effective as having direct experiences yourself. This certainly explains one of the reasons why a lot of people have phobias of certain kinds of stimuli, such as rape, assault, abuse, stalking, abduction and much more. Just the thought of the aforementioned makes individuals extremely uncomfortable and justly so.

Fear is defined as an emotional response to an unknown or impending danger or as in expectation of harm or evil. Fear can create feelings of apprehension, anxiety, alarm, dread, fright or terror. When you are in fear, you are scared of someone, something or a potential outcome.

We all experience fear at one point in time or another. Actually, fear is a great way to keep us from hurting ourselves. Fear keeps us from putting our hand on the hot burner of the stove. It keeps us from jumping from high places, or leaves us tentative when going into a darkened room. These types of fears are good. They keep us safe. They make us think before we do, knowing full well the potential outcome and repercussions of our actions.

We can experience fear of closed in spaces such as elevators, afraid of the water or flying in airplanes. Fear is a reaction or response to some previous life experience or trauma or even the thought of any potential dangerous situation. Fear can impact us in many ways and it can steal our dreams. The bottom line is.......fear takes away our choices. It can keep us from doing the things we want or need to do for ourselves. It limits us, constrains us and can end up ruling our lives. It can consume our energy and enjoyment of life, leaving us experiencing additional unexplainable stress, frustration or feeling just plain stuck in the mud.

Being in or living in fear is all about choices. You can choose to move forward, or you can choose to stand still marking time.

Fear does not have to be a "freeze" mechanism that prevents a beneficial reaction. One must decide what frightens you more - being dominated, injured or killed by an assailant/batterer, or taking a risk and fighting back. You may hurt yourself somehow by protecting yourself against your assailant, his knife might nick your ear, a bullet from his gun may graze your head, or you might end up with bruises and your body sore; but you're chance of being alive is much greater than not. Learning personal safety (realistic self-defense) mentally and physically is a means to escape and ultimate survival. If you are too scared to react defensively and decide to remain under an assailant's control - he will have his way with you. Your mind can be more dangerous than your assailant. You must turn your fear into an effective reaction thus allowing yourself to be empowered.

Psychological fear leads to doubt and hesitation. Unchecked it can result in anxiety and/or panic. When you begin to doubt yourself you start to think, "What if I lose?", "What if I get hurt?". Thoughts of this sort must be eliminated from your vocabulary. You must remain positive, assertive and focus on the ability to motivate yourself=empowerment.

Miraculous things happen to those who consciously choose to overcome your fears and embrace them. You gain certainty in your safety skills, abilities and downfalls.

What do you fear? Perhaps it's time to turn on the light and step through the door of empowerment.

"Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out."

-----Karl A. Menninger

Take care and STAY SAFE!

"Trust Me, I AM YOUR INTUITION"

By Anny Jacoby

You are walking to your friend's home suddenly it is night fall. The directions you were emailed earlier in the day from your friend are a bit confusing, you're not exactly sure where you are. You pick up the pace, walking faster, you pass Second Street, Third Street, Fourth Street, Fifth Street. In an instant your eyes are drawn away from the piece of paper in your hand and you look around, realizing that you are now, totally lost.

You panic. You begin to speak to yourself, "Breathe....breathe". Looking around you feel vulnerable because you do not know where you are; your mind is trying to figure out where you might be and you are limiting your self-protection because you are distracted. As you continue to walk toward the next block, you see two men leaning against the side of a building. You start to think.....Should I ask them for directions? However, you start to get a deep uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Something is telling you to turn around and go in the opposite direction. The warning voice in your head will not go away and it only gets louder and louder matching the increased pace of your heartbeat. You stop, the slight hesitation in your footsteps grabs the attention of the two men. Do you ignore your gut feeling and brush off this strange feeling as paranoia? Or, do you listen to THE voice in your head of the warning signals going off and run like hell?

Listening to intuition is often the most ignored safety step. Intuition and awareness are the first two steps to safety. It's always easier to dismiss our hunches with logic or rationalizations. In some cases, we can get away with choosing to listen to logic or wishful thinking over our intuition. But the consequences of taking unnecessary chances can be something we carry for the rest of our life if something bad happens.

We often do not respect our instincts/intuition because we don't want to become paranoid and make unreasonable decisions as a result. We need to be able to trust our gut, our brain needs to be equally involved in that process. The best way to determine the usefulness and accuracy of intuition is to use it. When it comes to deciding whether or not to confront a possible dangerous situation and you begin to get that weak, ill, warning feeling....it's best to trust those warning signs. This is YOUR INTUITION facing the threat and telling you to get away.

So, you ask....how can I tune in to hear my intuition? Following these suggestions may be of help:

1. Listening to intuition always requires a choice of where you place your attention. Ignore anything that will distract your attention.

2. Be silent.

3. While being silent, focus your attention on emotional feelings, images or words that come to your mind. This allows you to identify what your intuition is saying.

4. Be willing to do what intuition says to do.

5. Don't question it: Intuition NEVER engages debating.

6. Follow your intuition.

7. Understand that other people will always have judgments about you. You determine what is right for you! Don't do what your best friend or others tell you what to do. Don't rely on trusting your elders because we have heard for years "they have the years of experience". Listen to your own intuition and act on it.

Your intuition will ALWAYS lead you in the right direction. You are the only one that knows what YOU are feeling.

Isn't it just easier to trust intuition?

Is there anything wrong with BEING SMART?

I would rather be wrong of my intuition than risk putting myself in danger.

Wouldn't you?

Take care and STAY SAFE!