Know the Facts About Who IS Lurking On the Internet…for Your Kids Sake

We are learning every day of more and more kids who are on Facebook and other social media sites are ideal prey for predators. Every parent, adult and child must be educated about internet safety. Please read, digest and share the following information with your loved ones and others. You never know how many lives you may touch today.

After tossing her books on the sofa, she decided to grab a snack and get on-line. She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213. She checked her Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on. She sent him an instant message:

ByAngel213:

Hi. I’m glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home today. It was really weird!

GoTo123:

LOL You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you? Don’t you live in a safe neighborhood?

ByAngel213:

Of course I do. LOL I guess it was my imagination cuz’ I didn’t see anybody when I looked out.

GoTo123:

Unless you gave your name out on-line. You haven’t done that have you?

ByAngel213:

Of course not. I’m not stupid you know.

GoTo123:

Did you have a softball game after school today?

ByAngel213:

Yes, and we won!!

GoTo123:

That’s great! Who did you play?

ByAngel213:

We played the Hornets. LOL. Their uniforms are so gross! They look like bees. LOL

GoTo123:

What is your team called?

ByAngel213:

We are the Canton Cats. We have tiger paws on our uniforms. They are really cool.

GoTo123:

Did you pitch?

ByAngel213:

No, I play second base. I got to go. My homework has to be done before my parents get home. I don’t want them mad at me. Bye!

GoTo123:

Catch you later. Bye

Meanwhile, GoTo123 went to the member menu and began to search for her profile. When it came up, he highlighted it and printed it out. He took out a pen and began to write down what he knew about Angel so far.

Her name: Shannon

Birthday: Jan. 3, 1985

Age: 13

State where she lived: North Carolina

Hobbies: softball, chorus, skating and going to the mall. Besides this information, he knew she lived in Canton because she had just told him. He knew she stayed by herself until 6:30 p.m. every afternoon until her parents came home from work. He knew she played softball on Thursday afternoons on the school team, and the team was named the Canton Cats. Her favorite number 7 was printed on her jersey. He knew she was in the eighth grade at the Canton Junior High School. She had told him all this in the conversations they had on-line. He had enough information to find her now.

Shannon didn’t tell her parents about the incident on the way home from the ballpark that day. She didn’t want them to make a scene and stop her from walking home from the softball games. Parents were always overreacting and hers were the worst. It made her wish she was not an only child. Maybe if she had brothers and sisters, her parents wouldn’t be so overprotective.

By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her.

Her game was in full swing when suddenly she felt someone staring at her. It was then that the memory came back. She glanced up from her second base position to see a man watching her closely.

He was leaning against the fence behind first base and he smiled when she looked at him. He didn’t look scary and she quickly dismissed the sudden fear she had felt.

After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach. She noticed his smile once again as she walked past him.. He nodded and she smiled back. He noticed her name on the back of her shirt. He knew he had found her.

Quietly, he walked a safe distance behind her. It was only a few blocks to Shannon’s home, and once he saw where she lived he quickly returned to the park to get his car.

Now he had to wait. He decided to get a bite to eat until the time came to go to Shannon’s house. He drove to a fast food restaurant and sat there until time to make his move.

Shannon was in her room later that evening when she heard voices in the living room.

“Shannon, come here,” her father called. He sounded upset and she couldn’t imagine why. She went into the room to see the man from the ballpark sitting on the sofa.

“Sit down,” her father began, “this man has just told us a most interesting story about you.”

Shannon sat back. How could he tell her parents anything? She had never seen him before today!

“Do you know who I am, Shannon?” the man asked.

“No,” Shannon answered.

“I am a police officer and your online friend, GoTo123.”

Shannon was stunned. “That’s impossible! GoTo123 is a kid my age! He’s 14. And he lives in Michigan!”

The man smiled. “I know I told you all that, but it wasn’t true. You see, Shannon, there are people on-line who pretend to be kids; I was one of them. But while others do it to injure kids and hurt them, I belong to a group of parents who do it to protect kids from predators. I came here to find you to teach you how dangerous it is to talk to people on-line. You told me enough about yourself to make it easy for me to find you. You named the school you went to, the name of your ball team and the position you played. The number and name on your jersey just made finding you a breeze.”

Shannon was stunned. “You mean you don’t live in Michigan?”

He shook his head. “No, I live in Raleigh. It made you feel safe to think I was so far away, didn’t it?”

She nodded.

“I had a friend whose daughter was like you. Only she wasn’t as lucky. The guy found her, did bad things to her and then murdered her while she was home alone. Kids are taught not to tell anyone when they are alone, yet they do it all the time on-line. The wrong people trick you into giving out information a little here and there on-line. Before you know it, you have told them enough for them to find you without even realizing you have done it. I hope you’ve learned a lesson from this and won’t do it again. And, please tell others about this so they will be safe too, okay?”

“It’s a promise!”

That night Shannon and her Dad and Mom thanked God for protecting Shannon from what could have been a tragic situation.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Personal Safety Expert and Child Abuse Prevention Specialist
Anny is the President of The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company and Project Safe Girls

Anny received her PDR (Personal Defense Readiness) Instructor Certification in 2008. Anny is also a Child Abuse Authorized Facilitator and Prevention Specialist who trains adults to prevent, recognize and react responsibility to child sexual abuse through Darkness to Light's Stewards of Children certification program.

When Family and Friends Compromise Your Security

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By Lyn Twyman 

Many of us are brought up with the belief that we should be able to trust our family for everything, our safety, security, emotional and physical well being but for some of us, the family has proven to be the most hurtful and even most dangerous battle ground we will ever encounter. Survivors and family violence advocates can attest to this all the time, making it almost become a myth that the family is the safest environment. I've talked to many people who have shared their deep, painful pasts about loved ones, mothers, fathers, siblings and spouses who have betrayed them through abuse. When a family member abuses you, it becomes an unsettling, traumatic experience to say the least. We feel that we can no longer trust others and ask ourselves how can we ever trust others again?

So what happens if you ask for help or just mere moral support from a family member to get you through or even after the abuse, only for you to learn they too cannot be trusted, that they actually went to the abuser and disclosed private information about you? At that point you don't know all that has been said but through some event, you learn that this once trusted family member has indeed betrayed your trust and with the abuser of all people. This revelation burns at your core and eats away at you, perhaps making you feel vulnerable. It makes you wonder if they ever believed you in the first place. It re-victimizes you.

Whether the offending family member ever believed the abuse did occur or not does not matter at this point. You now have an obligation to yourself to remain physically and emotionally safe from any further abuse. You also have to wonder how many people have lost their lives to abusers, not because the system failed but because family members failed and failed miserably, either by calling the abuser, writing them or even befriending them on social media sites, disclosing personal information about you. What I have found about people who are so willing to go to abusers, and violate your trust as the victim, is they are often susceptible at being manipulated and victimized as well. In this case, they have been manipulated by the abuser, charmed into gaining the abuser's trust so the abuser can acquire more information about you. All the abuser wants to do is continue his bondage and control over you and the family member is allowing themselves to be used as a tool.

Abusers rarely stop abusing; they rarely stop victimizing and abuse is like an addiction. If you take away the drug of abuse, all the abuser wants is to go back and abuse more. They get an adrenaline high from controlling and hurting the object of their abuse, the victim. Abusers never completely let go and let's face it, someone who has lived their life in attempts to psychologically and physically control others isn't just going to give it up. It's an addiction.

So, as a survivor, you've worked hard to get away from this abusive person and you're thrown this curve ball by a family member you thought you could trust who goes back to the abuser and discloses information about you, your whereabouts, address, pictures, updates on your lifestyle, work, new friends and acquaintances, etc. What do you do? How do you handle this? With all cards put aside, now you are left with a dynamic  shift in your relationship with the family member or even friend. There are four things I want to share that I believe may help you:

1. Remember your safety is first and foremost - When someone discloses personal information about you to the abuser, you can never guarantee from that point on what that person says is truth. You can only assume and assumptions are not good enough when it comes to your life. Take all necessary steps to find out as much as you can from the family member in terms of what they repeated back to the abuser. From there take the necessary actions to be extra cautious, either way. Change your phone number, email address, driving routes, ask for a schedule change at work if possible, increase security at your home or even move. You may have to notify a neighbor to be on the lookout for any suspicious activity and don’t neglect to notify your local police depending on the severity of your circumstance with the abuser.

2. Remember you have a right to your privacy that not even the police have the right to disclose your whereabouts - The family member who chose to share personal information about you has taken a liberty upon themselves that even the police nor a private investigator cannot do under law and that's disclose someone's whereabouts and other data without that person's consent or without a court order. What the family member did was wrong and there is nothing that can justify it. Whether the breach in your privacy occurred because of their lack of judgment or because of malice does not matter. Again your safety is first and foremost beyond their motives.

3. Give a written warning and perhaps a verbal warning to the family member or friend - Let the family member know what they did was wrong, they are not to divulge personal information about you and if you have warned them before about your right to privacy, remind them again. State specifically, ‘I do not want you sharing my information to anyone about me without my consent, not even to people you believe I may know and not even to my abuser.’ Also let them know that if you are hurt as a result of their actions with the abuser or the abuser’s acquaintances, they can be held legally responsible for your endangerment.

4. Distance yourself from that family member or friend who breached your trust - It's obvious they lack the necessary concern, discernment and care they need to have for your situation so again, for your safety, it may be more than wise to eliminate any further communication with the family member. As mentioned before, you may have to change your phone number, email, work schedule, etc.

The scars left behind by abusers run deep no matter if the abuse was physical or non-physical. NO ONE has the right to make any decision on your behalf, especially when it comes to your personal and private information. Be careful who you speak with and what you say to them or what you post online, even to family members. Know that your life, happiness and well being is precious and extremely valuable. No one has the right to take that away from you and you have rights even when it comes to family.

Protecting Our Kids At All Costs

By: Gaétane F. Borders, Ed.S., ABD

I recently attended a 5k walk to honor the memory of Shaniya Davis, a little girl who was murdered by a pedophile after her mother sold her to him.  It’s a story that touched the hearts of so many around the world and garnered a significant amount of news media.  However, it has been a year since her tragedy and the television stations are no longer covering her story.  The newspapers and magazines no longer have her beautiful face as the cover image.  And many people have forgotten how they felt the first time they heard of her sadistic and gruesome murder.  Part of the reason for this is likely because people do not believe that something like this could ever happen to their family.

The sad truth is that sexual abuse and sexual exploitation is far more frequent than most acknowledge.  While Shaniya’s reported pedophile was not known to her, most individuals who molest children are known to them.  They are very slick and manipulative in their approach. They "groom" the child into thinking that they are trustworthy, and gradually involve children in inappropriate acts. Later they often threaten to harm the child or their family members if they do disclose. Victimized children often won't tell because they are afraid that they will not be believed, or feel guilty that they may have, in some way, been responsible for the abuse. Now, all of this is compounded with the fact that more often than not, it is a parent who is committing the abuse. In this case, a child may not want to tattle.

So what can you do as a parent? Be attuned to any changes in your child's behavior because this will tell you a lot! Young children will often regress by wetting the bed, sucking their fingers, or not eating. Elementary school age kids often demonstrate excessive fear of certain people, masturbate excessively, have nightmares, or will withdraw from people. In the teen years, kids may become promiscuous, experiment with drugs, be depressed, and may also have suicidal thoughts. You should be concerned if you see any of these behaviors, and begin asking questions.  Also equally important is to understand that not everyone should be trusted with or around your children…whether or not they are related to you.  When it comes to your child, you should only trust a few people…and even still, watch like a hawk to ensure their safety.

If your son or daughter tells you that they have been abused, BELIEVE THEM! It is extremely rare for a child to lie about this. Keep in mind that the way that you react to this will help determine how your child will heal. Tell them that you are proud that they had the courage to tell you, and that it was not their fault. They really do need to hear this! In addition, make sure that they receive counseling to address their trauma because it will have life long ramifications if not treated.

If you were abused, and are finding it difficult to find inner peace... just remember that you do not have to let your trauma define who you are. Despite what happened to you, it is possible to live and love without pain. Your healing process may be difficult, but happiness is attainable.

Sincerely,

Gaétane F. Borders, Ed.S., ABD                                  

Trick or Treat: Halloween Safety

By: Gaétane Borders 

Many people do not know that there are special laws that apply only on Halloween night? States like Missouri, Illinois, Maryland, and Louisiana have all implemented various rules and regulations specifically for Halloween night. These laws are designed to make parents feel safer by restricting the activities of convicted sex offenders. However, they are not without controversy.

Most Halloween laws mandate that convicted sex offenders stay in their house on Halloween night, and prohibits them from answering the door to trick or treaters. Other states may require sex offenders to post a sign on their door indicating that candy will not be handed out at that residence. In Maryland, state officials created a stir when the signs that they distributed to sex offenders were pumpkin-shaped and bright orange.

Regardless of whether your state has opted to implement a variation of this law, next Sunday is the day when little goblins, pirates, Cinderellas, and otherwise disguised children will go door to door on the hunt for the best candies. Parents need to know that it is not all fun and games because there are dangers of which to be aware. As parents and concerned citizens, we cannot sit back and assume that the authorities will closely monitor the activities of these criminals. Instead, there are specific things that we can do to help prevent tragedies. I encourage all parents to do the following:

• Visit websites like www.familywatchdog.us to see how many pedophiles live in your community. Make it a point to review where the offenders in your community live so that you can be sure to avoid their residence. (You’d be surprised how many offenders may live in your community! I plugged my address in this morning and found that a couple new individuals had moved into my small town. The sad thing is that this map only shows the registered offenders.) 
•  Make certain that a responsible adult accompanies any child under the age of 12. 
•  Children should also understand that a parent must review all the candy received before they eat it. 
•  Teens who choose to trick-or-treat must go in groups, and need to know not to enter anyone’s home or car in anticipation of candy. 

If you find that your immediate community is not safe or conducive to trick or treating, you may opt to drive to another neighborhood. However, please note that young kids in particular also get a kick out of getting dressed up and scavenger hunting in their own home. In addition, many churches, malls and businesses schedule Halloween activities where they hand out prizes and sweets as well. There are, indeed, many options available. Pick the one that’s best for you, and most importantly….be safe!

Gaetane Borders is the President of Peas in Their Pods, and organization which brings awareness to missing children who are often not eligible for an Amber Alert or who have simply "fallen through the cracks."

Cell Phone Technology Helps Deter Crime--"You've Been Faced!"

By Michelle Simonsen 

One of my recent favorite movies is “Taken” starring Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson’s character (an ex-government operative) was very reluctant when his 17-year old daughter went to Paris on vacation with a girlfriend.

After getting off the plane, the girls were immediately spotted by a good-looking, seemingly friendly young man who offered to share a cab with the giggling teens. Never being out of the country and looking like obvious naïve tourists, they felt comfortable telling this gorgeous stranger where they were staying. He offered to take their picture with their cell phone; and thus, unknowingly left vital evidence behind.

Soon after they entered the apartment, four men broke in, drugged and abducted the girls. It was mentioned that sex traffickers pick out unsuspecting travelers in order to save on cost of trafficking women from out of the country.

After flying to Paris and finding his daughter’s cell phone, he discovered her pictures and saw a reflection of the perpetrator in the background. This was the catalyst that opened the Pandora’s box for a father’s vengeance and determination to rescue his daughter from being sold and turned into a sex slave by the sex traffickers out of Albania/Russia.

Because of that one photo, he had his first lead in his deadly quest of finding his daughter. This particular scene reminded me of this up and coming company out of Denver, Colorado called Face File.

FACE FILE-- “One click could save your life.”

The concept of Face File is quite novel. It is used to protect yourself in unfamiliar places or situations, upon meeting strangers alone, unknown individuals coming to your home (Craig’s List buyers, sellers; maintenance people; cable workers), or if you feel suspicious about a stranger.

The idea of Face File was born after the case of 24-year old Canadian real estate agent, Lindsay Buziak, who was murdered on February 2, 2008 while inside a vacant $964,000 home she was planning on showing to an unknown individual during a last minute request. As of this date her killer has never been found. The real estate community latched on to the idea of Face File and its and purpose.

WHAT IS FACE FILE? HOW DOES IT WORK?

“You’ve been ‘faced’”

The purpose of Face File is for the protection of personal safety and a deterrent of a possible crime and it works like this:

Consider finding yourself in a potentially dangerous or unknown situation. With that in mind, you take a picture with your cell phone of the individual or place and send the image to your private face file account. Once Face File receives the image, it is date/time stamped and alerts your “network” of friends or family that you choose so they can check on you, or contact the police if necessary.

Face File is great for the use in the following situations:

• Social situations (Meeting new people; Parties; Bars/Restaurants)

• Blind dates

• Visiting unknown areas

• Working on site or in the field (Real estate agents, Service repairmen)

• Technicians or servicemen who are called to your home

• A stranger approaches you (This could deter a robbery, rape or violation of you or your property)

• If you are being followed or stalked

• Witnessing a crime or accident.

For more information on FACE FILE and what it can provide for you, your family, or employees please see:

www.myfacefile.com

"It's better to be safe than sorry"

CHRISTMAS TIME = LOTS 'O CRIME

By Michelle Simonsen, true crime writer and victim's rights advocate

Tis the season to be jolly? Not everyone.

Crime rates soar during the winter months, specifically the holiday season. Each year criminals get more ingenious and with the current recession and high unemployment rates, people have become more desperate than usual.

Some of these safety tips are no brainers, but with the hustle and bustle and craziness of the holidays, you’d be surprised how many people become preoccupied and throw caution to the wind.

Criminals and con artists aren’t going away, but you don’t have to be a victim:

• Avoid carrying cash when shopping. Use a credit or debit card instead. There are people who have mastered the art of pick pocketing. Once your cash is stolen, it’s gone for good. At least with a credit or debit card, you have recourse. If you must carry cash, do not store it in your purse or back pocket. Keep it in your front pocket.

• When shopping, never leave your purse open or unattended, even for one second. It takes less than a second to be robbed.

• Always know where your nearest exit is. Remember the 2007 mall shooting in Omaha that left nine dead? The odds of this occurring are rare, but wouldn’t you rather be safer than sorry?

• Never use your remote keyless entry to locate your car. A perpetrator’s playground is a parking lot. You don’t want them knowing where your car is, or which direction you are headed.

• Keep everything in your car out of sight. Remove your Ipod, cell phone, CDs, etc., from plain view. Always put your purchases and any other valuables in your trunk.

• Once you are in your vehicle, immediately lock your doors. Do not linger around talking on your phone, text messaging, or rummaging through your purse and belongings. Your distraction becomes their moment of opportunity.

• Use only well lit parking lots and if possible, refrain from using parking garages.

• Avoid wearing showy jewelry or any other similar items of value.

• Shop with a friend. A criminal is less likely to target you if you are not alone. There is truth to the old saying, "safety in numbers".

• BOTTOM LINE: PAY ATTENTION! We are all multi-tasking and distracted this time of year. It's easy to get caught up and forget to listen and watch what is going on around us. Defense is the best offense to crime.

BE SAFE AND ENJOY YOURSELF!

Michelle Simonsen is a victim's rights advocate, crime analyst and blogger for "Michelle Says So", founder of the grassroots consumer boycott, "Boycott Aruba--Justice for Natalee Holloway", an advisory board member of "Survivors in Action", and is a contributing writer for "Now Public", and "True Crime Talk".

"Trust Me, I AM YOUR INTUITION"

By Anny Jacoby

You are walking to your friend's home suddenly it is night fall. The directions you were emailed earlier in the day from your friend are a bit confusing, you're not exactly sure where you are. You pick up the pace, walking faster, you pass Second Street, Third Street, Fourth Street, Fifth Street. In an instant your eyes are drawn away from the piece of paper in your hand and you look around, realizing that you are now, totally lost.

You panic. You begin to speak to yourself, "Breathe....breathe". Looking around you feel vulnerable because you do not know where you are; your mind is trying to figure out where you might be and you are limiting your self-protection because you are distracted. As you continue to walk toward the next block, you see two men leaning against the side of a building. You start to think.....Should I ask them for directions? However, you start to get a deep uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Something is telling you to turn around and go in the opposite direction. The warning voice in your head will not go away and it only gets louder and louder matching the increased pace of your heartbeat. You stop, the slight hesitation in your footsteps grabs the attention of the two men. Do you ignore your gut feeling and brush off this strange feeling as paranoia? Or, do you listen to THE voice in your head of the warning signals going off and run like hell?

Listening to intuition is often the most ignored safety step. Intuition and awareness are the first two steps to safety. It's always easier to dismiss our hunches with logic or rationalizations. In some cases, we can get away with choosing to listen to logic or wishful thinking over our intuition. But the consequences of taking unnecessary chances can be something we carry for the rest of our life if something bad happens.

We often do not respect our instincts/intuition because we don't want to become paranoid and make unreasonable decisions as a result. We need to be able to trust our gut, our brain needs to be equally involved in that process. The best way to determine the usefulness and accuracy of intuition is to use it. When it comes to deciding whether or not to confront a possible dangerous situation and you begin to get that weak, ill, warning feeling....it's best to trust those warning signs. This is YOUR INTUITION facing the threat and telling you to get away.

So, you ask....how can I tune in to hear my intuition? Following these suggestions may be of help:

1. Listening to intuition always requires a choice of where you place your attention. Ignore anything that will distract your attention.

2. Be silent.

3. While being silent, focus your attention on emotional feelings, images or words that come to your mind. This allows you to identify what your intuition is saying.

4. Be willing to do what intuition says to do.

5. Don't question it: Intuition NEVER engages debating.

6. Follow your intuition.

7. Understand that other people will always have judgments about you. You determine what is right for you! Don't do what your best friend or others tell you what to do. Don't rely on trusting your elders because we have heard for years "they have the years of experience". Listen to your own intuition and act on it.

Your intuition will ALWAYS lead you in the right direction. You are the only one that knows what YOU are feeling.

Isn't it just easier to trust intuition?

Is there anything wrong with BEING SMART?

I would rather be wrong of my intuition than risk putting myself in danger.

Wouldn't you?

Take care and STAY SAFE!