I Admit I Lost My Child....For 90 Seconds

by Gaetane Borders

It was the longest minute and a half of my life!  I was distracted by a short phone call on my cell, and averted my eyes for what seemed like a millisecond.  Yet when I looked up he was gone! I called out his name countless times across the playground.  However, I did not hear the sound of his adorable voice responding back "Yes, Mommy!"  I frantically searched for his striped blue and white shirt in the crowd of children.  Luckily, I ultimately found him playing with a four-year-old "friend" by the slides, but only after I aged two decades and grew a few grey hairs.  

Although  my torment lasted only a few seconds, I know that for many parents the ending is not as happy.  Can you imagine for just one second how you would feel if your child was missing, and there was nothing that you could do to protect them from harm?  No parent should ever have to experience this. Yet an alarming number of children are abducted each day. Statistics indicate that every 40 seconds a child goes missing.  With such startling evidence of an epidemic, I believe it is important to help parents by sharing several tips about how they can prevent such a tragedy from happening to their family. The following are some things to keep in mind:

• · Don't let your child wear clothing with his or her name on it. Children are less likely to fear someone who knows their name. The reality is that although we typically tell our children not to talk to strangers, children do not have a true grasp of who can or cannot be trusted. In fact, young children often believe that anyone who knows their name is a “friend.”
• · Never leave your child alone in a public place, even in a locked car. Accompany a young child to the bathroom in a public place even if they insist that they can go by themselves. Moreover, instruct them to never play in or around public restrooms, as pedophiles often linger in these areas.
• · Accompany your child on door-to-door activities like Halloween and school fundraising campaigns.
• · Keep track of your children's Internet activity. Share email accounts and passwords. Make sure you know what sites they visit, and if they meet anyone suspicious while online. If possible, only allow computers to be in common areas such as a den or kitchen. This will make it easier to monitor internet usage.
• · Avoid having service people come to the home if your children are there alone. Remember, these individuals are considered strangers!
• · Establish a "code word" or phrase with your children. For example, tell them that they are only allowed to go with a person who knows this secret word or phrase if they were to pick them up from school. This will allow your child to know that this is a trusted person.
• · Establish safe houses where your child can go if in trouble. A safe house can be the home of a trusted friend or some other trusted individual in the neighborhood who agrees to let children make emergency calls.
• · Teach them that the police are their friends and that they can rely on them if they are in trouble. Make sure they know to dial 911 or 0 if they need assistance.

These are just a few simple ways that parents can help to protect their children. The key is to make sure that as parents, we vigilantly supervise our children because it only takes a second for misfortune to happen. If you have not already done so, make sure to visit http://www.familywatchdog.us/ to see what pedophiles are living in your community.  Make sure to look at the site frequently because it is updated regularly.  You definitely need to know who in your community preys on your children! 

Gaétane F. Borders is President of Peas In Their Pods, an organization that helps to spread awareness about missing children of color. She has dedicated her life to helping families and children, and is a noted child advocate. Gaétane often lends her expertise to various media outlets such as CBS, CNN, and FOX. In addition, she frequently contributes to magazines and newspapers.

Previous articles by Gaetane Borders on Time's Up! CLICK HERE

The Importance Of Modeling

by Gaetane Borders

Recently, someone sent me a comic strip that had been circulating on Facebook. It was succinct, and implied that a parent’s poor influence could very well lead to teen pregnancy. What was more interesting to me were the responses that the images prompted. You can only imagine how heated the online debates were. Some believed that the comic strip was overly harsh towards parents. However, others adamantly stressed that the major cause of the acting out behaviors observed with our youth are because the adults in their lives are a bad influence.

Research scientists have said that much of what children learn during their formative years occurs as a result of imitation. Modeling is the term that is commonly used to describe this phenomenon. With a barrage of negative imagery displayed in movies, television, as well as in society as a whole, it may be confusing to many why all children do not act out. Although many children idolize movie and sport stars, the fact remains that parents have greater influence on their children.

Numerous notable individuals have theorized about the importance of parenting throughout the centuries. For instance, a psychologist named John Bowlby was the first to study the issue of attachment, and described it as a “…lasting psychological connectedness between human beings." He believed that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a significant impact that continues throughout life. The central theme of attachment theory is that mothers who are available and responsive to their infant’s needs establish a sense of security. The infant knows that the caregiver is dependable, which creates a secure base for the child to then explore the world.

There is no doubt that a parent’s influence has a perceivable impact on children. However, often parents fail to realize how their day to day actions affect their children.

Good modeling means that you are using your words and actions as examples to show your beliefs, values, and attitudes in action for your child every day. As a model, you do not want to say one thing but then do another because this will, without a doubt, confuse your child. Children will not do what the parent says, instead they will do what the parents have modeled. As a parent, you want your words and actions to mirror each other. For example, it is not only important that you tell your children that you value education and that school is important. You must take an active part in their education by being involved, and spending time to review their homework, and being visible in their schools.

If one wants to know what message they are sending to their child, they can begin by analyzing their own behaviors. Look closely at how you handle emotions such as anger and love. Do you slam doors when you get upset, or swear? Are you able to show affection? Can you listen without judgment, or do you frequently put others down? It is likely that your children cope with these emotions the same way that you do. Make certain to be the person you want your children to be because they are watching, learning…and imitating.

Gaétane F. Borders is President of Peas In Their Pods, an organization that helps to spread awareness about missing children of color. She has dedicated her life to helping families and children, and is a noted child advocate. Gaétane often lends her expertise to various media outlets such as CBS, CNN, and FOX. In addition, she frequently contributes to magazines and newspapers.

Previous articles by Gaetane Borders on Time's Up! CLICK HERE

I Admit...I Lost My Child For 90 Seconds

by Gaetane Borders

It was the longest minute and a half of my life!  I was distracted by a short phone call on my cell, and averted my eyes for what seemed like a millisecond.  Yet when I looked up he was gone! I called out his name countless times across the playground.  However, I did not hear the sound of his adorable voice responding back "Yes, Mommy!"  I frantically searched for his striped blue and white shirt in the crowd of children.  Luckily, I ultimately found him playing with a four-year-old "friend" by the slides, but only after I aged two decades and grew a few grey hairs.  

Although my torment lasted only a few seconds, I know that for many parents the ending is not as happy.  Can you imagine for just one second how you would feel if your child was missing, and there was nothing that you could do to protect them from harm?  No parent should ever have to experience this. Yet an alarming number of children are abducted each day. Statistics indicate that every 40 seconds a child goes missing.  With such startling evidence of an epidemic, I believe it is important to help parents by sharing several tips about how they can prevent such a tragedy from happening to their family. The following are some things to keep in mind:

·         Don't let your child wear clothing with his or her name on it. Children are less likely to fear someone who knows their name. The reality is that although we typically tell our children not to talk to strangers, children do not have a true grasp of who can or cannot be trusted. In fact, young children often believe that anyone who knows their name is a “friend.”

·         Never leave your child alone in a public place, even in a locked car. Accompany a young child to the bathroom in a public place even if they insist that they can go by themselves. Moreover, instruct them to never play in or around public restrooms, as pedophiles often linger in these areas.

·         Accompany your child on door-to-door activities like Halloween and school fundraising campaigns.

·         Keep track of your children's Internet activity. Share email accounts and passwords. Make sure you know what sites they visit, and if they meet anyone suspicious while online. If possible, only allow computers to be in common areas such as a den or kitchen. This will make it easier to monitor internet usage.

·         Avoid having service people come to the home if your children are there alone. Remember, these individuals are considered strangers!

·         Establish a "code word" or phrase with your children. For example, tell them that they are only allowed to go with a person who knows this secret word or phrase if they were to pick them up from school. This will allow your child to know that this is a trusted person.

·         Establish safe houses where your child can go if in trouble. A safe house can be the home of a trusted friend or some other trusted individual in the neighborhood who agrees to let children make emergency calls.

·         Teach them that the police are their friends and that they can rely on them if they are in trouble. Make sure they know to dial 911 or 0 if they need assistance.

These are just a few simple ways that parents can help to protect their children. The key is to make sure that as parents, we vigilantly supervise our children because it only takes a second for misfortune to happen. If you have not already done so, make sure to visit http://www.familywatchdog.us/ to see what pedophiles are living in your community.  Make sure to look at the site frequently because it is updated regularly.  You definitely need to know who in your community preys on your children!  

Happy...and Safe Parenting

Gaétane F. Borders is President of Peas In Their Pods, an organization that helps to spread awareness about missing children of color. She has dedicated her life to helping families and children, and is a noted child advocate. Gaétane often lends her expertise to various media outlets such as CBS, CNN, and FOX. In addition, she frequently contributes to magazines and newspapers.

Love Can Be Blind

By Gaetane Borders

Take a moment and close your eyes. Just picture what it's like to spend 9 months anticipating the arrival of your newborn. Picture yourself buying baby furniture, onesies, and reading all the new mommy books you could buy. Then, picture this last scene...that hours after giving birth, the state takes custody of your newborn...simply because you are blind. This is exactly what happened in 2010 to Erika Johnson and Blake Sinnett of Missouri.

According reports, Johnson's first attempts at breast-feeding were clumsy. A nurse noticed that the baby's nostrils were covered by Johnson's breast. Johnson felt that something was wrong so she switched the baby to her other side....but not before the baby turned blue. Okay...Let me be the first to acknowledge just how serious this is. However, let me also share that my first attempts at nursing my 1st born were extremely clumsy! I was nervous and stressed...and it didn't help that my anti-breastfeeding mom stood over shouting "You're choking him!" (Insert strong Haitian accent) But I digress...

Reportedly, a nurse wrote in Johnson's chart: "The child is without proper custody, support or care due to both of (the) parents being blind, and they do not have specialized training to assist them." That's what it took to get the system involved. It would ultimately take 57 days before the young couple was allowed to reunite with their baby. The couple shared that they fielded questions from the social worker just as soon as the baby was born. Questions like... How could they take the baby's temperature? How would they get her to a doctor? Whatever solutions offered by the couple were not enough, and they were told that they would need 24-hour care by a sighted person at their apartment. However, the couple simply could not afford this type of assistance.

We live in a world where kids are abused, murdered, emotionally harmed, and molested by SIGHTED parents. Would my children be taken away from me if my husband and I suddenly lost our sight. What if both parents have amputated legs...or arms. You see where I'm going with this, right? Instead of breaking up the family, the state should have supported this young couple. Surely, they qualified for some kind of support!

Erika also appears to want to put this nightmarish ordeal behind her, saying, “I’m a forgiving person,” and added, "[My daughter] wasn't being abused or neglected, it was just because I was blind.” Her lawyer, agreed and stated "The real problem is not the physical loss of sight, it's the attitudes of the sighted public. It's an educational process." Indeed, it is.

It’s an educational process that would include making certain that people intervene at ALL times when there are signs of abuse and neglect. So often people look the other way and fail to protect children. In fact, just a few weeks ago 18-month-old Amir Jennings and his mother Zinah Jennings were reported missing by her parents. She later surfaced but has refused to tell authorities about her son’s whereabouts. There are some reports that indicate that she had been suffering from depression and had been physically abusive towards her son. Yet no one intervened.

These types of stories are numerous. That is why it troubled me so much to hear about something so horrible happened to this young couple who only wanted to love and care for their beautiful baby girl. I think Erika said it best when she told newspapers "I needed help as a new parent, but not as a blind parent."

Here is an online resource to better help understand why blindness, in and of itself, should not be considered a risk factor.

National Federation Of The Blind



 Gaétane F. Borders is a School Psychologist and President of Peas In Their Pods, an organization that helps to spread awareness about missing children of color. She has dedicated her life to helping families and children, and is a noted child advocate. Gaétane often lends her expertise to various media outlets such as CBS, CNN, and FOX. In addition, she frequently contributes to magazines and newspapers.

Love Does Not Cause You To Bleed

 By Gaetane Borders

Is it possible that parents no longer know how to discipline their children? Maybe something happened within my lifetime that caused a major disconnect such that I simply cannot relate to anything I see, hear, or read lately.

Here’s the source of my current rant:

A month or so ago, a news report surfaced because there was an online video showing what appeared to be a young father who was so upset by his son’s misbehavior at school that he shaved the boy’s hair and eyebrows, spanked him with a belt, and forced him to do exhausting exercises. He filmed the entire 7 minute and 44 second clip and posted it on social media sites. The sad irony is that this parent did this as a means of showing other parents how to properly discipline their own children. I was disturbed by what I heard. The video is difficult to watch.  However, despite the disturbing contents of the video…I have to say that it’s the nation’s reaction that shocked me most. (I’ll get to that a tad later)

The man in the video is identified as Devery Broox. He is not the boy’s father, but has been described as being his "mentor." Orlando, FL officers arrested him after learning about the video via a tip originally received by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. While the 7-year-old boy initially claimed that marks and scars on his legs were caused by a bicycle accident, he later “disclosed that Devery ‘whips’ him ‘all the time.’” The child told the police that “Devery made him tell the story about the bicycle because ‘he don’t wanna’ go to jail.’”

I am sharing the video below for you to view, but I do want to caution you that it is not safe for work or for children. It contains extremely foul language and violence.

Now....Here’s my rant:

Of the two people in the video, who do you think people are defending? The 7-year-old you say? Well, that would make too much sense. In fact, it is Broox who people are passionately defending online and at the water cooler. “A parent can’t beat their kids [expletive] anymore without the government getting involved!” an angry listener said when she called into a radio show. Again I ask, what happened in the world that causes confusion between discipline and abuse. Those arguing in Broox’s defense say that the incarceration rate of Black men is the reason why such “discipline” is important. They go on to say that this will help young black men because it will make them successful and productive citizens. I vehemently disagree!

Violence begets violence…ALWAYS. Fear and intimidation does not set a healthy framework for relationships! A child is supposed to feel safest at home. A child is supposed to feel comforted by a parent’s touch. Appropriate discipline cannot occur when a parent is enraged. Leaving scars on children means that you caused them to bleed! How does that show love? Condoning “Beating a Child’s [expletive]” is wrong….simply put. 

So where do you stand on this issue. Did this mentor offer appropriate discipline, and should his self-help parenting video be viewed as good training material for parents? The comments below are just some that were posted in the abuser’s defense. Do you agree with them?

Gaétane F. Borders is President of Peas In Their Pods, an organization that helps to spread awareness about missing children of color.  She has dedicated her life to helping families and children, and is a noted child advocate.  Gaétane often lends her expertise to various media outlets such as CBS, CNN, and FOX.  In addition, she frequently contributes to magazines and newspapers.

• When did disciplining a kid become a crime? He may have went a little overboard with the eyebrow shaving but come on, he just teaching the kid to act right or get faced with consequences...Soft world we live in.

• I support the Mentor. Was it extreme? Yes. Will it leave an impression on the young boy to get his act together? Yes. All this is showing is that parents lose their rights to raise their children.

• I know this guy PERSONALLY! Devery is a very nice man he is a mentor and helps boys in the community along with a group of guys I went to college with. He isn't cruel person nor evil and ten years is to the EXTREME. I am going to make sure I go to the courtroom and support Devery because he is somebody who cares about our youth and in the black community we all know that this form of discipline is 100% normal and most of us were raised this way. We are not dead and are parents are not in prison. Those whoopings we got saved many of our lives. I don't get it that you cant whoop your kid with a belt but cops can break your bones with night sticks, tazer you or shoot and kill you. What sense does that make?

• If this child grows up to be a prison bird or terrorize society they will look at him as another black child gone wrong. Now someone is trying to right his wrongs early on and its a crime. I hope next time it isn't made public but when this same black boy goes astray because he does not have a mentor you all who are against the punishment will be looking to point fingers again.  He was retarded for posting it.... That's all!

• Mentor, father, caretaker...young black boys especially need someone to discipline them. This is evident by how many are winding up in juvenile facilities and the penal system in general. While I believe that whipping with a leather belt is extreme, cutting the boys' hair and maybe his eyebrows is not that extreme. Hair grows back but you can't erase a felony conviction. Making him run sprints and doing the duck walk and push ups my impress upon the boy to get his act together and straighten up in school. Parents and guardians need the support of the systems to reinforce discipline and even suggest non corporal, effective ways to turn kids around in their behaviors before it becomes too late.

• See this is what’s wrong with the world today....they gone punish a black man for actually giving a damn....he could not be there, and not even care...and then the child would be just another statistic...another want to b thug, in jail, 2 3 babies he not taking care of.. letting the cycle continue. Somewhere the cycle has to break with our youth. My granddaddy whooped my a*s, my uncles, my momma, even my grandma....not to make me tough to learn some damn discipline and some respect..for elders..and for people trying to teach you something..but I guess some of you rather have rappers be role models..i don't understand..somewhere in the last 10 to 20 years we lost it...kids have no fear..no respect...no tradition....then some of you have a nerve to complain about it....its a shame...make that boy do some push ups....sprints..cut grass all that...and then whoop his a*s.....i bet he wont go in that class room no more acting a fool...respect that man for stepping up because half of yall wouldn't even give that boy a time a day...so shut up.

• I don't have a problem with what was done. So many people come to the boys defense by saying "this poor innocent kid..." If he was so innocent, he wouldn't have been acting a fool in school. So often we as a society talk about the problems with children now a days, and so often do we forget how things were back during the times when children were better behaved. Times when most children had a basic level of respect for adults, and those that didn't were taught a lesson. There was a time in our history where teachers and other school officials were allowed to spank kids. There was a time when if a child got in trouble at school, he would get a beating from the teacher, neighbor, mailman, corner store owner and stranger before having to answer to his parents. Now a days, kids are terrorizing society with their reckless behavior.

Peas In Their Pods

By Gaetane Borders

Few realize that a child is abducted every forty seconds in the United States, or that 42 percent of these children are African American. Despite these alarming statistics, children of color receive the least amount of media exposure when such heinous crimes occur. Peas In Their Pods was established in March of 2007 by Iowa native, Janice Lowery, to bring awareness about the epidemic rate at which African American children are abducted or endangered. It’s an issue that staff of the organization fight hard each day to change since the lack of exposure negatively impacts the likelihood that these children will successfully and safely be reunited with their loved ones.

The reality is that many people have not heard the stories of Adji Desir, Aleacia Stancil, and Hassani Campbell. Or the stories of Marti Lee Bell, Rebecca Candace Tribble, or Maurice Laron Jefferson. They are children who disappeared without a trace. They are children whose familiy must live each day not knowing where they are, or if they are safe. Sadly, there are hundreds of thousand of families coping with this same issue. Though the circumstances regarding their loved one’s disappearance is different, one commonality that they share is that they are precious and Black.

The first 24 hours after a child goes missing is crucial, and can make all the difference in the outcome. Therefore, the organization works closely with families to guide them through the necessary steps that they should take when their child is missing. The organization is also very active in implementing preventative measures that ensure child safety. This is done through parent and caregiver education seminars, outreach services, and through various media outlets including a weekly radio show and monthly ezine.

In addition, Peas In Their Pods has created an alert method called the RILYA Alert system. The more popular Amber Alert’s criteria do not often seem to be met by missing Black children. While the benefits and value of the Amber Alert are undeniable, the RILYA Alert helps to bridge the gap that exists. This alert system helps reduce the response time in which the crucial information is shared with the public. It was named after a youngster called Rilya Wilson who went missing for over eight months before anyone realized she was gone.

The staff at Peas In Their Pods is asking everyone to visit the organization’s website to view the pictures of missing children. Viewers may recognize a child, and could, perhaps, offer clues that may help solve a crime. Your help is needed because it is everyone’s job to help save our children!

Sincerely,

Gaétane F. Borders

President, Peas In Their Pods

hfmbc@hotmail.com

www.peasintheirpods.com

Today’s Kids Are Tomorrow’s Future

 By Gaetane Borders

I know it’s a bit early to talk about this.  But before you know it, November will be upon us.  Did you know that November is National Adoption month here in the United States.  Although this cause is important everyday of the year, this is the month set aside to raise awareness about the adoption of children and youth from foster care.  Years ago, I worked as the Clinical Director of a foster care agency.  Most days I felt overwhelmed about the swelling numbers of children for which I had to find appropriate foster homes.  At times it felt like there were not enough people willing to open up their homes to children in need.  I soon burned out, and left to make an impact in the lives of children in a different way.  Yet, looking at the recent statistics, nothing has changed. 

Currently, there are over 510,00 children in the foster care system.  While blacks account for 15% of U.S. children, they make up 32% of those in foster care, according to a May 2008 report by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, a private research group.  Other reports suggest that black children in foster care, especially older ones, are less likely than white ones to be adopted. Reports also suggest that Caucasian children in foster care are four times more likely to be reunified with their families than black children.  This means that the majority of African American children will remain in foster care unless they are adopted by a loving family.

To address these statistics, a new federally funded ad campaign is looking to get more black foster children adopted.  Television commercials will feature black parents and children in settings such as parks and schools. Similar ads will appear on radio and in newspaper.  The ads were developed by the Advertising Council, which produces public service announcements and AdoptUsKids, a non-profit that helps connect foster children with adoptive families.  This is the first time African-Americans have been targeted, according to project officials.

The theme for adoption month this year is, "You don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent." I would certainly agree with this motto.  I would add, however, that although you don’t have to be perfect, you have to be willing to help a child heal.  Entering foster care and being removed from your parents’ custody is incredibly traumatic for children.  This, I assume, is why so many people choose to adopt infants, as they assume that babies will not be cognizant of the separation.  Yet, teens and younger adolescents are in desperate need of loving homes as well.  So, I encourage those who are thinking if adopting to be open-minded!

Knowing how to maneuver the adoption system can be daunting.  However, here are some tips on the steps you will need to take if you choose to embark on this fulfilling journey:

ü  Make a Plan.  One of the most significant steps you will take is to establish your general attitudes and philosophies about adoption.

ü  Search for an agency in your area. Agencies typically offer free informational meetings on the type of adoption placements they offer.

ü  Complete a Home Study.  Once you apply to adopt a child, the laws of all states require that you undergo a homestudy. Homestudies are conducted to evaluate your desire and commitment to adopt, to explore the reasons why you want to adopt, to evaluate you as a prospective parent, and to provide education about adoption.

ü  Finding a child.  Once the home study is completed, you are ready to begin the placement process — the time when a specific child is identified for your family.

Deciding to adopt a child is certainly a big decision, and one that requires much introspection.  You may find that you have a desire to open your home to a child who needs one.  AND…you will likely discover that it is that child that brings happiness into your home! 

Happy Parenting,

Gaétane F. Borders, Ed.S.

President, Peas In Their Pods

Gaétane is a certified School Psychologist who works closely with the inner-city youth and their parents.  She is an advocate of children’s rights and strives to help parent achieve healthy, harmonious, and emotionally stable environments for their children.  Her blog, The Parenting Pundit, offers an open and honest view of parenting.   In addition, as President of Peas Gaétane helps to spread awareness about the epidemic of missing children in the African American community.

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The Missing All American Girl

By Gaetane Borders 

March 28, 2011 marks the 3-month anniversary of Phylicia Barnes’ disappearance. This straight “A” and college bound student vanished on December 28, 2010 while visiting family members in Baltimore, MD. As would be expected, her parents and siblings are devastated. Since her disappearance, Phylicia’s friends and family were forced to celebrate her 17th birthday without her. Her classmates are now planning their proms, and are preparing to graduate and go on to college. Yet, Phylicia remains missing. No, she did not run away as the police initially suspected. Anyone will tell you that Phylicia is an overachieving young woman and not a troubled teen with a history of hard partying. In fact, she’s the All American Girl Next Door…with a megawatt smile.

Recently, her classmates joined me on my blogtalk radio show to share their insight about their beloved friend. They described her as loving, friendly, and bubbly. Their pain and sadness was almost tangible, as they wept when they verbalized the possibility of never seeing her again. It was a first for me. While I often talk to the family and friends of missing children, they are usually adult. This, however, was the first time that I interviewed teenage peers. Their maturity impressed me, and it was clear that this tragedy has caused them to bond together in a magnificent way. Their show of strength and unity is observed in the fact that the entire school wears bracelets with the tag “Faith, Hope, Love” in honor of their missing classmate. They have even held numerous prayer vigils and established a reward fund for Phylicia. It is clear….they love and miss their friend.

Although Phylicia’s story received some media in the weeks following her disappearance, the coverage has come to an apparent halt. In addition, the tips coming into hotline dedicated to her are reportedly dwindling. "They've slowed down,” said Homicide Major Terry McLarney, “They are coming in at probably a fraction of what it was a month ago…” However, McLarney did say that they receive flurries of calls after news reports air. Thus, pointing out what many of us know….limited media equals limited leads. Despite this, the police have a special squad of six detectives with a sergeant working the case in hopes that discovering any leads in the case.

Police believe that a tip is more than likely the only way Phylicia will be found. It’s clear that someone knows what happened to her. You may have seen something…Heard something….Or were told something. Someone knows something. That is why I, along with her classmates, family members and loved ones plead with you to call the hotline at (855)223-0033 if you might know anything at all about Phylicia’s disappearance. It's EVERYONE'S job to save our children.


Gaetane Borders is President of Peas In Their Pods http://peasintheirpods.com

Trick or Treat: Halloween Safety

By: Gaétane Borders 

Many people do not know that there are special laws that apply only on Halloween night? States like Missouri, Illinois, Maryland, and Louisiana have all implemented various rules and regulations specifically for Halloween night. These laws are designed to make parents feel safer by restricting the activities of convicted sex offenders. However, they are not without controversy.

Most Halloween laws mandate that convicted sex offenders stay in their house on Halloween night, and prohibits them from answering the door to trick or treaters. Other states may require sex offenders to post a sign on their door indicating that candy will not be handed out at that residence. In Maryland, state officials created a stir when the signs that they distributed to sex offenders were pumpkin-shaped and bright orange.

Regardless of whether your state has opted to implement a variation of this law, next Sunday is the day when little goblins, pirates, Cinderellas, and otherwise disguised children will go door to door on the hunt for the best candies. Parents need to know that it is not all fun and games because there are dangers of which to be aware. As parents and concerned citizens, we cannot sit back and assume that the authorities will closely monitor the activities of these criminals. Instead, there are specific things that we can do to help prevent tragedies. I encourage all parents to do the following:

• Visit websites like www.familywatchdog.us to see how many pedophiles live in your community. Make it a point to review where the offenders in your community live so that you can be sure to avoid their residence. (You’d be surprised how many offenders may live in your community! I plugged my address in this morning and found that a couple new individuals had moved into my small town. The sad thing is that this map only shows the registered offenders.) 
•  Make certain that a responsible adult accompanies any child under the age of 12. 
•  Children should also understand that a parent must review all the candy received before they eat it. 
•  Teens who choose to trick-or-treat must go in groups, and need to know not to enter anyone’s home or car in anticipation of candy. 

If you find that your immediate community is not safe or conducive to trick or treating, you may opt to drive to another neighborhood. However, please note that young kids in particular also get a kick out of getting dressed up and scavenger hunting in their own home. In addition, many churches, malls and businesses schedule Halloween activities where they hand out prizes and sweets as well. There are, indeed, many options available. Pick the one that’s best for you, and most importantly….be safe!

Gaetane Borders is the President of Peas in Their Pods, and organization which brings awareness to missing children who are often not eligible for an Amber Alert or who have simply "fallen through the cracks."

When Friends and Family Are Not Enough

By Gaetane Borders

In a time when so much has been written and discussed about the number of violent crimes and the survivors of such heinous acts, less has been said about how to treat the associated emotional and mental anguish that undoubtedly occurs.  For many, talking to friends and family members is a definite source of comfort in trying times.  Others may seek out the guidance of clergy and pastors, while some people choose to channel their energies into helping others in similar circumstances.  Depending on your personality and needs, any and all of the aforementioned can be beneficial to healing. 

However, there is another method that can also help those who are grieving or in any form of mental distress…clinical therapy.  Therapy is a commitment to improving your emotional health, and considering it as a means of helping you through the darkest times in your life is a courageous decision.  Nonetheless, there are a lot of people that would gain from seeing a therapist who have difficulty perceiving the benefit.  For some, thinking about discussing personal thoughts with a stranger is anxiety provoking. 

Some of the other concerns that people may have are:

·       I am going to find out something I won’t like about myself.

Attending therapy can be difficult, especially when you are in the process of uncovering memories and experiences that were not previously discussed.  However, your therapist will be cognizant of this delicate situation, and is there to help you make sense of your feelings and emotions.

·       I tried therapy once and it didn’t work.

Just because you may have tried therapy once before, do not be discouraged into thinking that you won’t gain something by visiting another therapist.  Finding the right professional with whom you form a rapport is key.  Also, there are a multitude of different kinds of therapy…not all involve sitting on a couch while you pour out your deep dark secrets.  For instance, there is art therapy, dance therapy, music therapy, and group therapy to name only a few.  Don’t be afraid to try all kinds to see which works best for you.

·       What will people think if they find out that I see a therapist? 

Most people do, indeed, care what others think of them.  However, it is your decision whether you want to share this with anyone.  Also, keep in mind, a true supportive friend or family member would never make you feel less than for seeking therapy. 

·       Only crazy people go to therapy.

What is associated with this attitude is the myth that if you go for counseling that obviously means you are inadequate, weak, or crazy!  We all develop unhealthy and destructive ways of coping. No one is immune from these experiences, and depending on a number of circumstances and resources available to you at the time, seeking assistance is just plain smart.

Sadly, many people who would benefit from receiving therapy do not get the help that they need in order to cope with the tragic events in their life.  Sometimes friends and family cannot offer the level of support that is needed for true emotional healing.  That is why I urge everyone to be open to the idea.  Whether you are a victim of a violent crime, experienced a loss, or may be feeling overwhelmed by life’s circumstances…therapy can be the lifeline that you’ve been looking for.  I would recommend finding a therapist who specializing in the area of grief and trauma that you may be experiencing.  For example, if you are a survivor of incest, find a therapist who specializes with this issue.  Having someone who understands and knows what you have experienced is a sure fire way to encourage the professional rapport necessary for your journey towards recovery!

Innocence Lost

By Gaetane Borders

In the news this week was the story of an adorable 5-year-old girl named Shaniya Davis. The whole world was, seemingly, glued to the news networks because it had been reported that Shaniya had been abducted.

There was hope that she was still alive because a surveillance photo of her being carried by a man into a hotel elevator was released. The man in the video was 29-year-old Mario Andrette McNeill.

By now the world knows that, sadly, Shaniya’s body was found in the woods located near Walker Road off of N.C. 87. Her mother, Antoinette Davis was charged with human trafficking, felony child abuse involving prostitution, filing a false police report and interfering with a police investigation. Mario McNeill was arrested on first-degree kidnapping charges. The unthinkable was brought to light! A mother allegedly sold her child for sex. Her baby… How could this happen? Surely it was an isolated incident…right?

Shaniya’s tragic story is disturbing to say the least. Yet, unfortunately, it is not unique nor uncommon. However, it has forced people to acknowledge that this sort of thing does ABSOLUTELY happen. The image of her…helpless, scared, and petite…being carried by McNeill is graphic and visual proof that there are individuals who prey on children of all ages. Despicable, nauseating, infuriating…but a reality of the world in which we live.

The fight to end the issue of the sex labor industry is not a new one. The Innocence Lost National Initiative started in 2003 to address child sex trafficking in the U.S. Recently, the FBI, its local and state law enforcement partners, and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) worked together as part of the Innocence Lost National Initiative. The operation included enforcement actions in 36 cities across 30 FBI divisions around the country, and led to the recovery of 52 children who were being victimized through prostitution. Additionally, nearly 700 others, including 60 pimps, were arrested on state and local charges. To date, the 34 Innocence Lost Task Forces and Working Groups have recovered nearly 900 children from the streets. The investigations and subsequent 510 convictions have resulted in lengthy sentences, including multiple 25-years-to-life sentences and the seizure of more than $3.1 million in assets. Yet, this is only the tip of the iceberg. The FBI estimates that well over 100,000 children and young women are sex trafficked every day.

So now that we have acknowledged that this crime is prevalent…let’s talk about it in more specifics. Who are these heinous individuals that buy and sell children? They are called traffickers, and are defined as those who recruit, transport, receive, and exploit victims, often using force, threats, or other physical and psychological methods of control. Traffickers include a wide range of criminals, including individual pimps, family operations, small businesses, loose-knit decentralized criminal networks, and international organized criminal operations. They are driven by two primary factors: high profits and low risk.

Who are the victims? There is no one consistent face of a trafficking victim. Trafficked persons can be rich or poor, men or women, adults or children, or foreign nationals or U.S. citizens. Some are well educated with college degrees, while others have no formal education. Although anyone can fall prey to trafficking, victims tend to come from vulnerable populations such as runaways, at-risk youth, the poor, and oppressed and marginalized groups. Traffickers often target individuals in these populations because they are reportedly easiest to recruit and control.

Although the research shows that the disenfranchised are often targeted, don’t think that something like this could not happen to you and your middle to upper middle class family. There is a false sense of security that many of us tend to have because we feel that our circle of elite friends and family and large brick homes buffer us from the inherent cruelty of the world. Here is the reality, however. If you at any time allow your child to spend time on the Internet unsupervised…you have potentially allowed your child to interact with traffickers. I plead with you to install Internet filter programs such as Net Nanny or Cyber Patrol so that you can monitor everything that your child accesses online. Although your child might call you overprotective and you might feel as though you are smothering them…rest assured that you would rather be a nagging overprotective parent than one who is mourning their child’s murder or abduction.

Rest in peace Shaniya…and the millions and millions of Shaniya’s who are out there as well.

Parent with Love,

Gaétane