Wake Up, Church, Stop Blame-Shifting!

by Neil Schori

This past I celebrated Easter at my church and it was incredible!  Three people committed their lives to following Jesus.  It was a truly moving day.  As I really took in the true meaning of Easter, I started to think about how so many people misuse religion in selfish attempts to control others.

I can't even believe how many Christians and community leaders and even pastors that I encounter that seriously believe that abused women should not leave their abusive husbands.  It is shocking to me that people are that warped about a God who modeled the exact opposite of what THEY teach.

When Jesus has just started his public ministry, he went to teach in the synagogue.  He opened the scroll of the Old Testament prophet Isaiah, and he read these words:

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." (Luke 4:18, 19 NIV)

After he spoke those words, he said to the crowd: "Today, this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing."  Profound words!  Jesus came to bring good news to everyone that had been held back and was disadvantaged in his society.  He stood against suffering and pain and subjugation of all kinds.  He came to set us free!  Not just in a strange and unknowable "spiritual" sense...but in a real and tangible and life-altering way.  He really came to set us free.  And yes, that includes abused women.  Wake up, church!  Give dignity to victims.  Quit placating the aggressors and falsely applying scripture to the lives of victims.  Stop blame-shifting.  Stop enabling sinful behavior.  Stand on the side of Truth.

Jesus was all about giving dignity to women.  In a culture that made it a practice of minimizing women and their rights, Jesus flipped the script on the misogynists of his day, and he continues to do it today.  Jesus gave dignity by offering conversation and counseling to a desperate woman he met at a well (John 4).  He saved a woman from legalistic laws that called for the execution of a woman caught in adultery by reminding the men that they were not sin-free, themselves (John 7).  And Jesus, in all of his wisdom first appeared to his female followers after he defeated death by rising from the dead (Mark 16).

Throughout his earthly life, Jesus showed us what God cares about.  And as a follower of Jesus, I'm proud to carry his name and tradition of offering dignity and shelter to women who have been oppressed.  I'm grateful for all of my fellow armor-bearers as we fight for this noble cause.  That is GOOD NEWS.

Peace,

Neil Schori

Neil Schori serves as lead pastor of Naperville Christian Church, and is a remarkable advocate for those in abusive relationships. He is a certified trainer of the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit through Document the Abuse. His church is known as a haven of safety for the abused.

He Has a Dream!

by Neil Schori

Editor's note: Neil Schori has made a committment to assist victims of abuse through his church with the hope that other pastors will see this important service and offer it in their churches as well. Thank you Neil!

I have some huge dreams for 2012.  I hope you do, too.  I believe the best way to make dreams come true is by sharing them.  So here is one of mine...I want church leaders to step-up and realize the seriousness of domestic violence in their own congregations.  When one issue impacts the lives of 25% of a church congregation, serious attention must be given!  One easy way to understand how small actions can make a huge difference is to realize that 5 families can change the world for 1.3 million women each year subjected to abuse by the men that are supposed to care for them the most.

My vision is to find 5 families in each church in the nation to be safe houses for victims of abuse.  This would be safe, temporary housing for victims of domestic violence.  I also want to do widespread education of church leaders about the issue of domestic violence and to train church leaders how to use a tool (found on documenttheabuse.com) that will revolutionize the way we assist victims of abuse.  But the truth is…in order to do these things, we need financial assistance.

There are costs to the generous families that open their doors to victims and their children.  And we need help to pay for the costs of educating church leaders all over the country.  There are many needs that will arise and they always cost something.

We know that you may never be in a position to open your home to a victim…but maybe you have the money to give.  If you would like to give to this incredible dream, you may safely and securely donate here on our church Paypal account: http://napervillechristian.org/resources (then click on 'online giving’).

Thank you so much for your generosity!  Your gift WILL rescue victims of domestic violence and it will educate the next generation of people who will positively change our culture.

Peace,

Neil

Neil Schori serves as lead pastor of Naperville Christian Church, and is a remarkable advocate for those in abusive relationships.

Related articles

• Churches MUST become safe for #DV Victims (neilschori.com)
• Dream to Reality (neilschori.com)
• Leadership is a Lonely Place (timesupblog.blogspot.com)
• Is Drew Peterson Untouchable? (neilschori.com)

Leadership is a Lonely Place

By Neil Schori

Leadership is a lonely place.  I've been told that by many leaders before, but I hadn't truly experienced it until I became the lead pastor at Naperville Christian Church, where I currently serve.  But, it is so very true.  It is lonely and it can be very frustrating.  Because in order to truly lead, there must be people who "buy in" to your vision, and follow.  And sometimes it feels like you are the only one!

Over 4 years ago, Stacy Peterson disappeared.  She has never been found, and her husband is still the only suspect in her disappearance.  Stacy and her husband, Drew, both attended my church.  I knew that I must stand up and fight for victims of domestic violence, but I didn't know where to start.  I connected with Susan Murphy-Milano, and it all changed for me.

I learned from Susan that 1 in 4 women sitting in my own church were currently being abused.  I discovered that 8 women each day in the United States were killed by their boyfriends or husbands.  I also learned that very few church leaders were doing anything about this at all and because of that, I knew that I had to make a difference.  I was inspired and charged-up, and ready to tackle this horrible epidemic in our nation.

But something weird happened...very few others seemed to care.  Most pastors I talk with about this look at me like I'm crazy.  They usually say something patronizing to me like "that is great that you care about this so much!"  Translation: "Because I don't...and I have more important things to do."  At times I've been very discouraged and started to think that nothing was going to change.  What an isolated and frustrating place!

Maybe you feel this way at times, too...almost as if you are the only voice out there talking about this issue that you care so deeply about.  If that is you, please hear this: KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT!  Tell everyone who will listen to you about the cause that burns within your heart.  If it is truly worth discussing, then keep it up.  You may be the only person talking about it now, but it doesn't have to be that way.  Your persistence will pay off.

This past Sunday at my church, I started off by sharing a couple of dreams that I have for 2012.  One of those dreams is to educate church leaders around the nation about the problems of domestic violence and how the church can make such a huge difference in the rescue of so many women.  I also talked about how our church is a safe church for victims of abuse, and that we'll always take their abuse seriously.  And then, something beautiful happened: a woman who made her way to our church for the very first time, opened up to another woman sitting near her in the service, and told her about the horrible abuse she'd experienced at the hands of her husband.  She found community, and came out from under the shroud of her abuse.  She'll be silenced no more.

Leadership is lonely, but I'm going to keep talking about domestic violence.  At times it may seem as though nothing is happening...but I know that isn't really true.  Hearts will be opened and lives will be changed as we continue to talk about these incredibly important issues.  Maybe today you are reading this and thinking: "this issue is so big, I can never make a real difference!"  If that is you, then let me tell you a quick story.

One day a little girl was walking along a sandy beach.  She passed many starfish that were washed far up onto the sand.  As she walked along, she picked up each starfish she found and gently tossed them back into the water.  An old man watched her and said: "little girl, there are thousands of starfish out here.  You can't save them all.  You can't begin to make a difference!"  For a moment, the little girl felt defeated.  Then she picked up another starfish, and threw it as far out into the ocean as she could, and she looked at the old man and said: "I made a difference for THAT one!"

Today, don't listen to the naysayers or to the voices that tell you that you'll never make a difference.  The only way that will be true, is if you never try.  Leadership is lonely, but keep talking about it.  You may be the only one doing it now, but that won't always be the case.

Peace,

Neil Schori serves as lead pastor of Naperville Christian Church, and is a remarkable advocate for those in abusive relationships.

"Remembering Friends and Family Who Have Gone On"

By Neil Schori

We don't always take time out of our Sunday morning gatherings at my church to honor specific holidays, but we did this past weekend for Memorial Day.  We remembered the sacrifice that many men and women made on our behalf so that we could live in the glorious freedom that we all appreciate here in the United States of America.  Remembering is important, isn't it?  In college for me, it was trying to remember that drinking too much was a bad idea.  Unfortunately, my memory was pretty short back then.  Thankfully, it's a lot better now.

On Memorial Day, my wife's Uncle Bret wrote this on his Facebook wall: "Remembering friends and family who have gone on."  Isn't that simply beautiful?  I don't do that enough because most of the time I'm just trying to keep up with "now."  How about you?  Do you take time to remember the people who have shaped your life?  Do you slow down enough in your fast-paced environment to allow yourself to process things and to actually feel your emotions?  Maybe you need to take a moment to do that right now.

While it is no longer Memorial Day, I still want to take a moment today to remember victims of intimate partner homicide.  I encourage you to do the same.  I thank God that I had the privilege of meeting Stacy Peterson.  She inadvertently directed me toward a path that has given greater definition and an even larger sense of purpose to my life.  Because of Stacy Peterson, my eyes and heart have been forever opened to women who suffer at the hands of the men who should care for them the very most. 

When I think about Stacy and her story, I don't only remember her.  I also think of the countless women out there whom have not yet broken out of their personal darkness.  I hope that today, as you live your life and try to keep motivated through the mundane that you'll also take time to remember.  Martin Luther King, Jr. once wrote: "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."  As I remember victims of intimate partner homicide today, I take what Dr. King said very seriously.  I will continue to pray for justice for Stacy and fight for justice for women everywhere.  You are not alone.

Peace,

Neil

Neil Schori is Pastor of Naperville Christian Church.  You can follow him on his website www.neilschori.com

The Land of Never Enough

By Neil Schori

I don't know about you, but I never seem to have enough.  Most of my months have a few days left in them when my paycheck ends.  My house feels like a zoo at least half of the time because I've got 5 people under a roof made for 2.  Sometimes when I look around these affluent suburbs, I can convince myself that I'm the only person around here that isn't a CEO of a Fortune 500 company.  Never enough.  Can you relate to any of this?

But when I slow down, I become aware that the truth is really different than my lying perception and my fickle heart.  I'm getting ready to leave for Haiti in a few days to serve some of the world's poorest people and then two days after I return, I'll be with my family celebrating Thanksgiving.  I need this desperately.  Both of these events will be such beautiful reality-checks for me and keep me grateful for what I do have in the land of "never enough." 

Right now, I want to tell you about two things that make my heart nearly burst with joy.  The first is you.  I'm deeply honored to journey alongside all of you passionate seekers of justice for victims of domestic violence.  

Without all of you, the journey would not have the same meaning.  Why?  Because we were made for relationship.  We were never meant to walk this road in isolation.  Just ask any victim of domestic violence what her perpetrator's main tool was and you'll discover quickly that she was forced out of all of her meaningful relationships so that her abuser could in effect control her every move.  Isolation breeds confusion and fear.  Relationships bring the truth to light.

I'm also incredibly thankful for my DNA.  I'm not talking about my parents here, but I am thankful for them too.  The genetics I'm talking about are more enduring than an earthly blood-line.  I'm an advocate for the abused and oppressed because I have a Savior that has shown me the Way.  

Over 2,000 years ago, Jesus came down to Earth.  He lived a perfect life even while dealing with all of the things that make me angry and cynical and at times completely unpleasant to be around.  He showed me that I don't have to fight for my own way.  I no longer have to "look out for #1."  He showed me that real life...not the "life" that comes from the land of "never enough," but the kind of life that makes you know why you were made to be in this world...comes from selfless service and sacrificial love.  He showed me that selflessness always trumps self-serving.  And this Jesus died for my sins so that I could be forgiven of all the wrong that I've ever done.  I'm an advocate because Jesus was my Advocate first.

Take some time to slow down over the next couple of months in between your over-eating and Black Friday shopping, and think about those things that make you truly grateful.  I would bet that not one thing on your list can be bought.  Tonight, while I'm engulfed in the artificial light of this computer monitor, I'm thankful for the real light you fighters for justice have brought to my life.  And I'm profoundly aware of the God who loves me and called me to real life and such meaningful work.

With a Grateful Heart,

Neil 


Editor's note:  Neil is now in Haiti.  You can follow him on Twitter ( @neilschori ) or leave a comment here on the blog, I'm sure he will appreciate your support.