I will never do that again!

By Jillian Maas Backman

How many of you know someone involved in an abusive and unhealthy relationship? In time, through grace and fate have been able to walk away and pronounce to the world “I will never do that again.” As soon as they make this proclamation find themselves repeating the same ole behavior as before.

I believe people when they say they never want to repeat worn out habits of picking the wrong man or woman to get involved with again. I believe their intentions are pure. So, what causes so many to seek out self- destructive relationships even when they intellectually understand it is not for their highest good? There is a missing link that binds truthful intentions with an honest reality check that seems to be overlook, the bond of energy.

When we are intimately involved with any other human beings an invisible connection occurs automatically. Without much effort, we exchange energetic pieces of ourselves to feel close to one another. There are a thousand ways this happens, sharing secrets, innermost dreams for ourselves, and even working through common struggles together. Every significant exchange is filled with active energy. These energy nuggets are made up of all positive and negative human feelings and emotions. Over time, these millions of energy transformations build an in-movable energy structure between both parties. This quiet exchange of connections go un-noticed by the outside world, but felt in the deepest crevices of all human souls. In fact, no one pays any attention to this formation UNTIL it is disturbed by outside influence. Mainly, pulled apart by human force or death in relationships.

These structures are constructed on either a balanced healthy positive energy or an unbalanced unhealthy negative energy foundation. The outcome hinges strictly upon how you treat each other during the relationship. If you are involved in a mutual exchange of respect and love the energy configuration looks like this:

Each person is encircled within their own energy of respect and love for themselves. When two people of this type come together to form a relationship it is not necessary to surrender personal energetic power or have the need to control another. Their collective positive energetic exchange builds up and creates its own freestanding energy relationship structure onto itself as reflected by the sphere located in the center.

Figure 2. A Healthy Full Bodied Energetic Relationship

The second diagram demonstrates how one can create healthy relationships without giving pieces of your energetic self away. Through the act of honoring and trust the bond will strengthen over time. Open communication, in both listening and responding in a mutual loving environment and fulfilling the needs of each partner in the most positive manner keeps the energy in- tact and raises the probabilities for long-term success. If this relationship would happen to separate at some point in time, neither partner would suffer because they were able to maintain their individuality in all aspects of life. This is a crucial element in seeking new relationships. There are not any negative pieces stolen or left behind from either person. This kind of energetically balanced aware person does not have an intrinsic need to fill an energy void to feel completely. They are quite content and happy in and out of significant relationships of all kinds.

Figure 3. An Unbalanced Energetically Negative Relationship

This diagram demonstrates what happens to the energy of a person entering into an unbalanced energetically negative relationship. Relationships of this nature are much like an energetic puzzle. The incomplete person is always on the search for the one to complete their misaligned energy puzzle pieces. As you can imagine this kind of hide-and-seek game creates a frustrating tension between two people. A square peg never fits in a round hole, and trying to force it creates that friction described previously. Unforunately, this kind of relationships have a very short life cycle under any circumstances.

Take both examples from above and apply the descriptions to your past and present significant relationships. This will give insights to the “whys” some people seem to have a re-occurring theme of seeking out and collecting like-minded incomplete energetic compatible people. Each person is attempting to energetically fill in the missing pieces to complete their energetic whole.

For the next thirty days take an internal intuitive sensing quiz to glean valuable insights that can help you determine what energy you are putting out into the world and what you are bringing back into your relationships.

1) Which diagram best reflects how you think others perceive your energetic field?

2) Begin to evaluate others in your inner circle of relationships. See if you can sense what their energic field feels like to you.

3) Do you consider these connections energetically positive and healthy OR negative and incomplete unhealthy relationships.

4) Tally all of your results together. Do you have more positive or negative connections in your life?

For the moment, simply stay reflective with your findings. I want you to become aware of what you are putting out in the world for others to invisibly pick-up on. It is important that you stay very neutral with your results. This exercise is not meant to punish you for past choices; it is simply a way of gauging how you want to proceed in the future with your new relationships. In my next blog post I am going to share thoughts and exercises designed to break the cycle you may find yourself in and strengthen the ones that are working. Good luck and be honest, no one will ever know except YOU. Knowledge of knowing more about you is always a positive attribute to obtain.

Love living in my own learning curve of life.

Jillian Maas Backman