Back to School Supplies-Did You Forget Something?

By Susie Kroll 

We are now head-long into the new school year.  I’m sure every parent has done there level best to provide school clothes, supplies, laptops, and all the other necessary accessories for their student to succeed.  But have they thought about the other crucial supply their student needs to be safe?  Have they taught their child about Dating Violence?

We send our children, tweens, and teens out into the world of school to gain the necessary knowledge to succeed and be productive citizens of society.  One of the most overlooked and under-utilized piece of knowledge is knowing how to recognize and prevent Dating Violence from happening to them.  Dating Violence is not unlike Domestic Violence in that it can strike anyone, any gender, any race, any orientation, and any socio-economic group at any time.  What’s that mean? Even your child could become a victim.  I am not saying this to be cruel.  I am however, saying it because sometimes fear is the only way to motivate someone into action.  If you love your child, you will learn about Dating Violence and how to prevent it.  If you fear for your child you will learn how to recognize the signs of Dating Violence before it escalates to death.  Make no mistake, I want you to be alarmed at what you are about to read.

-69% of all teens who had sex by age 14 said they have gone through one or more types of abuse in a relationship.

-40% of the youngest tweens, those between the ages of 11 and 12, report that their friends are victims of verbal abuse in relationships, and nearly one-in-ten (9%) say their friends have had sex.

-Nearly three-in-four tweens (72%) say boyfriend/girlfriend relationships usually begin at age 14 or younger.

-Only half of all tweens (51%) claim to know the warning signs of a bad/hurtful relationship.

All of these statistics were provided by a 2008 study conducted by Liz Claiborne and www.loveisrespect.org.

Now, I’m sure you are wondering why this happens.  Here are some of the findings that www.ACADV.com has found.

Teen dating violence often goes unnoticed because teenagers typically:

• are inexperienced with dating relationships.
• are pressured by peers to act violently.
• want independence from parents.
• have "romantic" views of love.

Teen dating violence is influenced by how teenagers look at themselves and others.

Young men may believe:

• they have the right to "control" their female partners in any way necessary.
• "masculinity" is physical aggressiveness.
• they should "possess" their partner.
• they should demand intimacy.
• they may lose respect if they are attentive and supportive toward their girlfriends.

Young women may believe:

• they are responsible for solving problems in their relationships
• their boyfriend's jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse, is "romantic."
• abuse is "normal" because their friends are also being abused.
• there is no one to ask for help or to show them anything different.

Tweens and teens are inexperienced in dating and relationships and have a romanticized view of love and relationships.  This plays a huge role in why teens don’t recognize what is happening to them until the damage has already been done.  They have never been taught to choose what they want out of a relationship.  Moreover, they don’t think they have a right to choose what they want out of a relationship.

 

So where are your tweens and teens getting their relationship models from?  Do you want them to emulate your relationships? Those they see on TV?  Those of their peers at school? Those they see in the media or in celebrity circles?  Are you cringing yet?  Unless we provide our tweens and teens with the knowledge and power to recognize Dating Violence and to set their own relationship standards we have to assume that they are using less that positive examples. 

It is an incredibly powerful thing to tell a tween or teen that they have the right to say what they want out a relationship.  Tweens and teens have the right to say they want to be treated nicely, with respect, and love.  They have the right to privacy and to have time away from their partners.  They can say that they never want to be hit, yelled at, or emotionally abused.  Every parent should try it.  Tell your children they have rights.  Tell them they are worth it.  Tell them to choose their own boundaries about sex, partying, and dating.  Encourage them to make good choices and guide them toward those good choices.  

I thought it only fair to give a brief overview into what Dating Violence may look like and what some of the signs of Dating Violence were.

Here are some of the early warning signs that a Dating Relationship could become violent and dangerous.  If your tween or teen’s partner exhibits any of the following behaviors, it might be Dating Violence: 

Extreme jealousy Controlling behavior Quick romantic involvement Unpredictable mood swings Alcohol and drug use that magnify Dating Violence Explosive anger for seemingly little issues Isolates you from friends and family Uses force during an argument Tells you what to wear, how to act, what to do

Shows hypersensitivity Believes in rigid gender roles Blames others for their problems or feelings Cruelty to animals or children Verbally abusive Abused former partners Threatens violence Goes through your cell phone to see who you text, call, or view your pictures Checks up on you via Facebook, Twitter, etc

Here are some of the common indicators that your teen may be experiencing Dating Violence:

Physical signs of injury Truancy, dropping out of school Failing grades Inability to make healthy choices Changes in mood or personality Loss of interest in hobbies or friends Commonly making excuses for their  partner’s behavior

Use of drugs/alcohol Emotional outbursts Isolation from loved ones Weight gain or loss Moody and anxious Engaging in risky behaviors

Please learn more about Dating Violence and how to prevent it.  If you have more questions, then great, this article has done its job.  Give your tween or teen all the supplies they need to be successful at school, in life, and in all their current and future relationships.

Susie Kroll specializes in Teen Dating Violence and Healthy Relationships.  For more information about Susie and how you can bring her to your school or event, please visit www.susiekroll.com or schedule with ImaginePublicity  contact@imaginepublicity.com

WILL THE TRAGEDY IN FORT HOOD FINALLY SEND A S.O.S. (SAVE OUR SOLDIERS)?

By Michelle Simonsen, True Crime Writer and Victim's Rights Advocate

In the spirit of Veteran’s Day, and in the unfortunate tragedy of Fort Hood; I felt it necessary to address the obvious refusal of the military and the government to appropriately address the mounting numbers of Veterans living with untreated mental illnesses.

Fort Hood may have been dealt with a massive blow of tragedy last week, but just a year ago in Fort Hood, on September 8, 2008, an altercation between a soldier and his commanding officer ended in a murder suicide.

Do you remember hearing about that case? I don’t.

The next day on September 9, 2008, a VA report acknowledged that suicide rates for young male Iraq and Afghanistan veterans hit a record high in 2006. (Cite)

Marine suicides have doubled between 2006 and 2007, and Army suicides are at the highest level since records were first kept in 1980. Reported suicide attempts jumped 500% between 2002 and 2007. “The Defense Department says the numbers may be partly attributable to better compliance with reporting requirements.” (Cite)

Reporting requirements? Better compliance? Better than what? Has the military lacked its duty in the past? Has the government been feeding us with false information and statistics that aren’t even the tip of the real iceberg?

What am I getting at? What’s my point? The government has failed our Veterans in a big way.

On November 6, 2008, the National Survey on Drug Use and Health Report stated, “Recent research indicates that an estimated 25 to 30 percent of the Veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have reported symptoms of a mental disorder or cognitive condition. Untreated mental health problems can result in long-term negative consequences for the affected individuals, their families, their communities, and our Nation as a whole.”

Once a Soldier returns home, there is no “checks and balances list” on how to cope with regular civilian life. Specifically, no one checks or receives updates on a returning Soldier’s mental health status unless that Soldier specifically requests help. This is a huge barrier since the majority of returning Soldiers are men, and historically men avoid mental health care, therapy and medication.

Kyle Bahrs, a 29-year-old Midwest native was married to a two tour Army Sergeant who served in Iraq from 2005 to 2008. "Tim" currently suffers from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) in addition to a traumatic brain disorder that left him 70% disabled.

Kyle knew "Tim" before he joined the Army and served in Iraq. “He was ‘normal’. Trivial things didn’t bother him, he was fun.” After returning "Tim" went from a fun loving guy to “a cruel, mean and abusive man.”

"Tim's" life became crippled by his untreated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and received no mental health care until Kyle insisted, threatening their marriage. Kyle stated “the health care system was completely overbooked, he was rushed, and there were never enough people working.” She continued, “It was completely bureaucratic. It took "Tim" at least two months just to get in to see someone. And when he did they acted like they didn’t give a shit. It was so disheartening because he put his life on the line and didn’t receive any gratitude and the most basic need once a solider returns. Psychological health care.”

While Kyle was married to "Tim", he started drinking excessively and was becoming violent. “He got real paranoid. He wouldn’t answer the door unless he had a gun in his hand.” Then there were the nightmares, “He would wake up screaming…he had dreams and visions of the faces of the people that he killed. I felt helpless. What do you say to that?”

According to the U.S. Army Center for Health Promotion and Preventative Medicine on Combat Stress there is a list of mental and physical symptoms before, during and after deployment. I showed Kyle this list and she said that "Tim" displayed practically every single symptom.

Common Stressors to the Deployment Cycle:

Pre-Deployment (from notification to departure)

• Anger and protest
• Emotional detachment
• Family stress
• Marital disagreements

Deployment (from departure to return)

• Emotional destabilization and disorganization
• Sadness, depression, disorientation, anxiety, loneliness
• Sleep disturbances
• Health complaints
• Financial problems
• Some find the midpoint of deployment as the time of greatest stress
• Fear for safety of deployed service member

Reunion

• Apprehension over redefined roles and power dynamics

Post Deployment

• Honeymoon period
• Resentment over loss of independence
• Insecurity about place in reconfigured system
• Service member may have difficulty disengaging from combat mission orientation.
• Domestic violence

Soldier Combat Stress Reaction

Physical

• Trouble falling asleep
• Oversleeping
• Waking up in the middle of the night
• Difficulty with sexual and non sexual intimacy
• Fatigue
• Feeling jumpy
• Being easily started

Emotional

• Feeling overwhelmed
• Depression
• Irritability
• Feeling numb
• Difficulty readjusting to family routines
• Difficulty reconnecting with family
• Discomfort being around other people or in crowds
• Frustration
• Guilt
• Crying

Cognitive

• Difficulty with memory
• Loss of interest/motivation
• Concentration problems
• Difficult talking about deployment experiences
• Loss of trust

(Source: U.S. Army Center for Health Promotion and Preventative Medicine on Combat Stress, Soldier Combat Stress Reaction Brochure)

Steffan, a 40-year old African American Gulf War Veteran, stated that there was no “mental health” process after he returned to the United States. He stated, “mental health wasn’t even an issue that people thought about.” He added that a lot of guys he knew who had problems started drinking to “dull it away”. If someone needed mental health services, they had to initiate it.

It’s easier to ignore a bad situation by depending on alcohol or drugs, especially when that person doesn’t have strong family support.

As a Country that boasts the best military in the world, we have a lot to learn about humans themselves. These issues need be taken seriously by the military, and our government needs to consciously implement statistic-changing policies before we start to see a change in this downward spiral of unnecessary human demise that affects us all.

Send your concerns to the following:

Department of Defense

http://www.defenselink.mil

Department of Defense Task Force on Mental Health

5205 Leesburg Pike

Falls Church, Virginia 22041-3258

Read their 2007 Annual Report:

http://www.health.mil/dhb/mhtf/MHTF-Report-Final.pdf

Michelle Simonsen is a victim's rights advocate, crime analyst and blogger for "Michelle Says So", founder of the grassroots consumer boycott, "Boycott Aruba--Justice for Natalee Holloway", an advisory board member of "Survivors in Action", and is a contributing writer for "Now Public", and "True Crime Talk".

"Trust Me, I AM YOUR INTUITION"

By Anny Jacoby

You are walking to your friend's home suddenly it is night fall. The directions you were emailed earlier in the day from your friend are a bit confusing, you're not exactly sure where you are. You pick up the pace, walking faster, you pass Second Street, Third Street, Fourth Street, Fifth Street. In an instant your eyes are drawn away from the piece of paper in your hand and you look around, realizing that you are now, totally lost.

You panic. You begin to speak to yourself, "Breathe....breathe". Looking around you feel vulnerable because you do not know where you are; your mind is trying to figure out where you might be and you are limiting your self-protection because you are distracted. As you continue to walk toward the next block, you see two men leaning against the side of a building. You start to think.....Should I ask them for directions? However, you start to get a deep uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Something is telling you to turn around and go in the opposite direction. The warning voice in your head will not go away and it only gets louder and louder matching the increased pace of your heartbeat. You stop, the slight hesitation in your footsteps grabs the attention of the two men. Do you ignore your gut feeling and brush off this strange feeling as paranoia? Or, do you listen to THE voice in your head of the warning signals going off and run like hell?

Listening to intuition is often the most ignored safety step. Intuition and awareness are the first two steps to safety. It's always easier to dismiss our hunches with logic or rationalizations. In some cases, we can get away with choosing to listen to logic or wishful thinking over our intuition. But the consequences of taking unnecessary chances can be something we carry for the rest of our life if something bad happens.

We often do not respect our instincts/intuition because we don't want to become paranoid and make unreasonable decisions as a result. We need to be able to trust our gut, our brain needs to be equally involved in that process. The best way to determine the usefulness and accuracy of intuition is to use it. When it comes to deciding whether or not to confront a possible dangerous situation and you begin to get that weak, ill, warning feeling....it's best to trust those warning signs. This is YOUR INTUITION facing the threat and telling you to get away.

So, you ask....how can I tune in to hear my intuition? Following these suggestions may be of help:

1. Listening to intuition always requires a choice of where you place your attention. Ignore anything that will distract your attention.

2. Be silent.

3. While being silent, focus your attention on emotional feelings, images or words that come to your mind. This allows you to identify what your intuition is saying.

4. Be willing to do what intuition says to do.

5. Don't question it: Intuition NEVER engages debating.

6. Follow your intuition.

7. Understand that other people will always have judgments about you. You determine what is right for you! Don't do what your best friend or others tell you what to do. Don't rely on trusting your elders because we have heard for years "they have the years of experience". Listen to your own intuition and act on it.

Your intuition will ALWAYS lead you in the right direction. You are the only one that knows what YOU are feeling.

Isn't it just easier to trust intuition?

Is there anything wrong with BEING SMART?

I would rather be wrong of my intuition than risk putting myself in danger.

Wouldn't you?

Take care and STAY SAFE!