Gone Too Soon

The tragic loss of Ari kept me awake nearly all last night. Not good when I have a very long day of travels...finally, upon my own reflection of his passing....I cannot help but be confirmed that there is "more" than just a horrific loss of a beautiful, sweet 2-year old child. Why such a tragedy for his mother, a woman whose life calling has directed her towards helping families of missing by giving them a place to gather, reflect and support one another? (Peace4TheMissing) Why do bad things happen to good people?

As many of you know we lose so many brilliant minds to death by water...drownings, lake accidents, wandering into the path of a river. Perhaps there is more than we are aware. I wrote this to Sara this morning. I hope that it is not "too soon" and that she may find comfort in knowing perhaps her beautiful child passed in a way that none of us will ever fully understand...until one day, when our time comes. I wrote...

My heart aches for you Sara and your family. As a mother I cannot imagine the pain, nor the hurt of extreme loss of a beautiful child. I know finding the words to convey my thoughts… with the hopes of perhaps lessoning a bit of your pain….that you will find some comfort from what I've recognized about death by water a number of years back. 

Perhaps in some way this will "lesson" the pain, albeit… perhaps not right away.  We lose so many brilliant minds to water that one has to stop and look at this from another perspective. Water is symbolic of many things holy and in many different religions.

Perhaps it is God's portal to those chosen special to join him in heaven? Moses parted the Red Sea, water is used in baptisms for Christians, holy water is found in the Catholic church, our own bodies made up of 65% water, when God created earth…water was his pride and water is a necessity staple for those of us still on earth, water cleanses and washes away impurities…this taught by God. At Buddhist funerals water is placed in bowls, to Hindus all water is sacred and special attention to lakes, rivers and streams, Muslims are bathed in water as part of their ritual when one has passed, the Jewish faith practices that all earthly bodies are immediately cleansed as soon as can be done as water is holy and cleanses the departed to a restored state of purity, Japanese who practice Shintu utilize and recognize that water is sacred as are waterfalls and bath troughs placed for ritual washings in many places.

We are all born from the sack of waters that nourish and kept us until it is time to enter this world. I do not believe water is an "accident" or "coincidental"….I believe it is one of God's miracles that he has specially chosen as holy and symbolic..even to him.  It is the one major connection to all nature, humans and religions. I would like to think that perhaps only special ones are chosen to enter the gates of heaven through God's special creation. Water.

For those who may think water is the most horrific passing….perhaps God knows better. Perhaps we, left behind, shall open our eyes to more awareness, faith and beliefs that no matter the passing…those who depart are safe in the arms of the Lord…and those who have passed by water…a symbolic purpose may have happened and we are all too busy in our lives to recognize some of God's signs. Those who are developmentally challenged and those who have cognitive disabilities are almost always drawn to water when they wander away from "safety."

There has to be a reason. I'd like to think that Ari's passing was not one of horror or fear for him…but one in which God's angels called for him and he followed.  My prayers, always.

Please pray for Sara Huizenga , her other children, husband and family. They truly need our prayers.

Respectfully,

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.

NamUs-Victim Advocate (NH)

Phone: 603.965.4621
Cell: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.com

LostNMissing Inc., is an all-volunteer national tax-exempt organization under section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code (the "code") and qualifies as a public supported organization under Sections, or Categories: P99 (Human Services - Multipurpose and Other N.E.C.); M99 (Other Public Safety, Disaster Preparedness, and Relief N.E.C.); I01 (Alliance/Advocacy Organizations). LostNMissing is organized and incorporated under the laws of the State of New Hampshire. We never charge a fee for our services.

The Burden of Expense Falls on Families of the Missing

By Glendene Grant, Jessie Foster's Mom

Editor's note:  This article is for those of the general public who think "this can't happen to me."  Life has a funny way of changing in the blink of an eye for a victim of any crime, but for a mother whose child is missing, whether that child is 5 or 50, life becomes a totally new reality.  Not only does a mother spend every waking hour searching, but the act of searching comes at a huge financial expense for families and communities, one that many can not afford.  There are no victim assistance funds set up for families of the missing, they must carry that burden alone, only with the support and aid of  missing persons organizations and private citizens who care and support their efforts.  It's too heavy for some.  Glendene Grant speaks not only for herself, but for the thousands of families with missing loved ones trying to get by in a bad economy with this added expense.  What would you do?


I urge you to leave comments with ideas of solutions.  Glendene Grant and those in her position have many supporters and those who pray for them, however, now they need concrete solutions, so if you are inclined to leave a comment for her, let it be something that also contains an idea on how to lift some of the financial burden so she and other families of the missing can figure out how to survive.

Most of you know that I am the mother of a missing woman. You know that Jessie Foster is an international endangered missing woman and the victim of human trafficking. But what you may not know is this . . .

Emotionally: we are completely spent – overdrawn, as you can imagine.

Spiritually: we are fortunate to have many people who are there for us, helping us stay strong.

Financially: we are drained . . . barely hanging on by the skin of our teeth and in some instances, we have lost our hold.

I would appreciate it so much, if somehow, the Canadian government could help us out with the costs involved with having a missing loved one for nearly 5 years - FOR NEARLY HALF A DECADE!! The income stops, (temporarily for some and permanently for others . . . who can work when this happens?) but the bills don't. The everyday bills keep piling up.

And then there are all the new bills – for private investigators; trips to meet with investigators or to identify bodies; money for paper and ink to make posters; hundred if not thousands of long-distance phone calls; you name it, we have to pay for it. It is very overwhelming.But who do I have to turn to? No one. Sadly, there is no one to help me. 


Thankfully we have done a lot of fundraising, but it is a lot to keep asking of my small community. We have done most of the fundraising here in Kamloops, BC, with a few in Calgary, AB and Edmonton, AB – there was even a yard sale in Surrey, BC back in the summer of 2006. It has certainly helped, but it is just not enough.

I have spent all my money and much of my time trying to find my own daughter and to prevent this from happening to others. I volunteer my time to go into high-schools with Crime Stoppers to educate the students about human trafficking. I do all I can to combat this horrific crime, and then I go home to no groceries in my home; rent not paid; BC Hydro, Teresan Gas, Shaw Cable & Internet and Telus threatening to shut off  my services (Telus did disconnect my long distance due to their own error – and without crediting me for this horrible inconvenience, so I finally got rid of them and I have got Shaw phone now). I have no credit cards, because I had no money to pay them and so now I also have to deal with my credit being in the toilet.

The list goes on and on, and until now, I have not sat around whining and complaining much about it, but I do feel that I have the right to sometimes, so I am letting it out now. I am tired of not being able to cook a decent meal or make some cookies because my grandchildren are coming over, or for the life of me - TO BUY MY BEAUTIFUL GRANDCHILDREN A BIRTHDAY PRESENT. I can't even do that at this time of my life. After years . . . after decades of working and providing for my family, I now cannot even provide for myself.

PLEASE, help me get some justice for Jessie and some help for me. I really can't keep on going like this, but I know I will. No matter what, I WILL FIND JESSIE, OR DIE TRYING.

Again, thank you all for your time and prayers, and remember, with Christmas coming, we have another hurdle to get over. Christmas 2005 was the last day that I ever laid my eyes on my daughter. Christmas is hard enough when you have a missing child, but with that day marking the ‘anniversary’ (for lack of a better word), sadly, it can be one of the worst days of the year. And without money to pay bills, there is certainly no money to celebrate the holiday.

I am putting my Christmas 2010 message to Jessie below.

Sincerely, Jessie’s mom Glendene Grant.

---

To my Jessie-Bessie:

2010 . . . another Christmas without you here. Five Christmases of not knowing but never forgetting. I will always remember my last sight of you, it was on Christmas Day 2005 – SIX CHRISTMASES AGO. You were going into the Kamloops airport and you flew away, to the fate that awaited you, a fate that no one knew or saw coming, except maybe you, my girl.

We think of you and talk about you every day – I even talk TO you almost every day. We all miss you so much, but your sisters miss you like only a sister can. Crystal needs her little sister back, she needs you to be there in her life again. And your little sisters are both mothers now. Katie has a little boy Jacobus James, or JJ, who is almost 2 and Jennee has two little girls, Maddison Louise, or Maddie, is almost 3 and Ilianna Joy, or Ili, is almost 1. They are the most wonderful, beautiful, joyful little children you could ever know. Your little sisters need their big sister Jessie to know their babies. Their babies know you, sweetie. They love you already, and we promise you, no matter what, they will know you as we do.

We all love you baby and we all need you back. And always know this, sweet daughter of mine, I WILL FIND YOU . . . OR DIE TRYING.I love you baby-girl, love Mom. xoxoxoxox

Will the “Authentic Self” Please Stand Up!

By Jillian Maas Backman

Some time ago the phrase “Authentic Self” began showing up in books, magazine articles, and of course, television.   My curiosity got the best of me here.  I could not resist browsing through piles of related text to see what “defining” and “discovering” and “reclaiming”  your authentic self was all about. 


As with any nebulous term, the representations and interpretations of this concept were as varied as the colors of the rainbow. However, I was able to find a common theme which connected the numerous discussions:  whatever the authentic self was, people assigned a high value to it.


I am living in my authentic truth.   I am my Authentic Self.
Authenticity arrives in your life when you can gather up all “yes” piles of experiences, all your “no” piles of not quite right experiences, sprinkle in a dash of personal, professional achievements, add a pinch of innate wisdom, shake together vigorously, and stand on top of this big heap of truth, and exclaim to the world I am this, and this is ME!


I share this whimsical description to demonstrate that the quest for living in authenticity is an ongoing process. There are no hard fast rules to follow, but rather guidelines for discovering an elevated version of you.  Your true authentic self already knows the way.  Whether you heed the calling or not is entirely up to you.


Take the first step:  Compile a list of Four Virtues that you consider to be significant and that pass your litmus test of truthfulness. 
My list is:  forgiveness, peace, love and activism.   Recognize that your list should be transitional, or change as you grow.  The list I would have complied when I was 25 years old is an entirely different set of aspirations now.
  
Authentic Virtues are Dynamic in Nature
We are obsessed with making lists in this country.  Every self- help book requires you to make a list and define a starting point of reference.   So why not review your “virtue list” and attempt to rank each virtue in importance from greatest to least.  I can bet, at this point, the task brings to light a whole new set of questions.  How can love be less important than forgiveness? They are of equal value on an authenticity scale of virtues.  All virtues are intermeshed with experiences.  Every experience carries a soulful lesson in each of the four categories.    I encourage you to work all four simultaneously.  Peace comes with love; love piggybacks authentic forgiveness, and so on.

I have spent countless hours with individuals who live with authentic intent.  One common thread I discovered in these people was the cultivation of a quiet mindful existence.  To nurture this trait in yourself, visualize a rushing river in your mind.  Then ask yourself the question:   what virtue do I need to work on today that will take me one step closer to knowing my authentic self?   Do you start on the river bank of forgiveness, the base of the waterfall of love, or on the stable rocks of peace?  Are you ready to jump into the rushing waters of activism with both feet and help others find their truth? 


Once you can tap into this river of peace, forgiveness, love and activism, it will become second nature to you; it will carry you for the rest of your life in truth.


How far do you go in order to live in your truth?
We live in a very competitive environment that fosters zero-sum personalities who view life as a game with clear winners and losers.  Our culture encourages natural competition.  This will never change, nor should it.  I, like many others, embrace my “inner competiveness.”   However, this does not mean it’s justifiable to run down everyone else in order to arrive at your “truth.”


Do not get the term authentic self confused with authentic selfishness! 
These terms are not interchangeable.  They are mutually exclusive of one another.  A life filled with egocentric intentions and actions is not worthy of the accolade associated with the term, genuine. No one is giving anyone permission to act as they want, do what they want, and treat others with ill-will, and then labeling this kind of behavior “authentic.”

There are ways to keep the inner seeker satisfied and stay tethered to your authentic truisms. 
Susan Murphy Milano is a shining example of this.  Susan has lived through a series of tragic events that could have separated her from her authentic self. Thankfully for the world, she chose a higher path.   Her newly released book, Time’s Up, is a culmination of hard-won life experience and truth in a raw, practical presentation that only Susan could convey.  You can sense the angelic force behind each and every placement of word, form, and detail.  This book demonstrates the last virtue on my list:  Activism.   This manifests at a time and place where your authentic self transposes to a global authentic truth.  That moment in time is today—for Susan Murphy Milano and Time’s Up, as well as for those who need this book to strive bravely toward their authentic selves!


Authentic mentorship is the path of least resistance, low cost with high rewards. 


In loving gratitude, Jillian Maas Backman
Author of Beyond the Pews (Spring 2010)

Advances In Science Help Find The Missing

By Tad DiBiase


There are two clear trends I've seen in no body murder/missing persons cases over the past few years.  First is the shortened length of time between when a person goes missing and an arrest for that person's murder. 


The second is advances in forensic science that make no body cases easier to prosecute.  As a result, the past ten years have seen a huge increase in the number of no body murder cases where there are arrests and prosecutions.  Advances in technology are behind both trends.


 Years ago, if you told people your wife or girlfriend ran off with another man or ran off to Europe, it was difficult to verify this.  In the days before cell phones, credit cards and other electronic trails that we all leave behind nowadays, it was virtually impossible to disprove what a murderer might say about his victim. 


However, today is different.  Upon hearing that someone is missing, police (at least the good ones) immediately start checking cell phone and cell tower (which report the physical location of the cell phone) records.   Computer databases contain a wealth of data that police can access. Credit card records show where purchases were made.  Bank records that show if accounts were accessed.   Social security records that reveal whether the "missing person" got another job, made an unemployment claim, or tried to collect benefits from the government.  Airline records showing passenger manifests.  Virtually every person leaves some form of electronic trail, and most of us leave these trails every day.  


The British have such a sophisticated system of surveillance cameras in public places that it is virtually impossible to go about a normal day and avoid being surveilled (if that's a verb) multiple times a day.  Although the United States is not quite as camera friendly, we're getting there.  Therefore, it is very difficult for someone to just disappear and even harder for a murderer to argue that his victim went somewhere but left no trace.  


Many jurisidictions have seven year rules where a person must be missing for seven years before he or she is declared dead.  These laws are not only anachronistic given the modern communication age but are sometimes used by police as an excuse not to investigate a missing persons case as a homicide.  Luckily, over the past ten years,  the police's ability to more quickly determine that it's unlikely the victim just disappeared has meant that the police treat cases as homicides more quickly.  (I believe it is also true that changes in attitudes regarding domestic violence have caused police to be more suspicious when the missing victim was in an abusive relationship.)  We now see a lot more cases with arrests within months of the person going missing as opposed to years later.  


Second,  forensic advances over the past 20 years make it much easier to investigate, close and prosecute a no body case.  Because of its prevalence, we sometimes forget that DNA testing is a relatively new technology and its first use in court was less than 25 years ago.  Moreover, DNA advances now permit forensic scientists to test not only microscopically tiny pieces of evidence but old DNA and degraded DNA to an extent not possible even ten years ago.  


These scientific advances have led to the reopening of thousands of cold cases and missing persons cases from years ago.  Previously getting a tiny speck of blood from a crime scene years after the murder was not much help because even if it could somehow be tested, forensic science would only permit a conclusion as to the blood type of the person who spilled the blood.  With there only being four blood types, this information was hardly damning.  


Today, a speck of blood (or other body fluid) many years old can prove a suspect's identity to a reasonable scientific conclusion.  And it's not just DNA advances.  Searching fingerprints is easier and faster than 20 years ago and trace evidence (hair, fiber, etc.) has also advanced.  New sciences come online  every year that hold out the promise of improved crime solving, including controversial scientific techniques such as DNA tests that claim they can type race.  


As I tell families all the time, never give up hope because you never know when the next scientific advance might be the one that solves your case.

Sleuthing and Posting~Helping or Harming?

By Cynthia Caron

Previously I’ve written about those who are “maliciously creating havoc” and I would like to further write about those who specifically utilize public forums to help families of missing loved ones.  Are they truly helping or harming?  While the majority of those who tend to flock to forums, that provide an outlet to discuss high profile missing person cases, are good hearted people there are those that take opinions and freedom of speech to the extreme…an extreme that causes unnecessary stress to families of missing loved ones.

One of the families that I work very closely with is the family of Geoff Meisner.  Geoff is a 33 year old father to 4 beautiful young daughters  all under the age of eleven.  He is a wonderful husband to his wife Tammy who is a lovely woman and a caring and adoring mother.  Geoff went missing in West Kelowna, B.C on November 27, 2009.  His truck was found in a Starbucks parking lot with no trace of Geoff.  He and Tammy had just moved into a new home two weeks prior and Geoff, a martial arts enthusiast, was looking forward to a special upcoming event in which he would be a participant.  Geoff would never go missing on his own. 

While the family struggles everyday with fears and worries of possible foul play, the bloggers are posting hastily.  Many post their prayers and thoughts and well wishes for his safe return, others are posting very damaging opinions and hypothetical situations as they try to “sleuth” their way through the personal lives of Geoff and his wife.  When confronted posters will tell you that “you should not read here” if you are family or do not wish to be a part of their “sleuthing” and that they have “a right” to openly discuss their thoughts and opinions on what may have happened to Geoff.  Rumors of possible drug connections, wondered by posters of course, as well as curiosity as to the marriage of Geoff and Tammy and the potential of “could she be involved?”  This is very damaging to the reputation of the family and posters, while they feel may be helping, are in reality creating and causing serious emotional harm to the families of those missing.

Geoff’s case is not the only case in which I’ve witnessed such harm in opinions and hypotheticals.  I’ve watched this occur over and again throughout the years.  It’s never understood as to why forums cannot have a level of respect and leave the opinions to private conversations, as opposed to public postings.  We all have opinions. We all go through hypotheticals.  That is human nature.  However, to post those publicly is where the line should be drawn.  It’s very much understood once a suspect is arrested and awaiting trial, in cases of foul play, to discuss case events.   I’m more concerned about the innocent family members whose missing loved ones whereabouts are unknown and those who post decide to try and “solve” a case via conversations that invariably have nothing to do with the missing person, or the reason a person becomes missing.

 Another family that I am working closely with has a beautiful wife, mother, daughter missing and for some reason those who are posting feel the need the know what kind of work did she do from home? What kind of work did her husband do?  Why did she have a DUI and when?  How do we know what the husband has stated is factual?  Questions that have no relevance to the fact this young mother is missing.  Those who post need to be very aware that what is posted on public internet sites will remain nearly forever.  The children of missing family members will grow up and have access to all of the curiosity and assumptions of their family.  Shouldn’t those who post use a bit more discretion?  How about taking the posts that are full of inference and discuss them in a private forum? Perhaps for the children’s sake?  Let’s ask the beautiful daughters of Geoff Meisner.