Will the “Authentic Self” Please Stand Up!

By Jillian Maas Backman

Some time ago the phrase “Authentic Self” began showing up in books, magazine articles, and of course, television.   My curiosity got the best of me here.  I could not resist browsing through piles of related text to see what “defining” and “discovering” and “reclaiming”  your authentic self was all about. 


As with any nebulous term, the representations and interpretations of this concept were as varied as the colors of the rainbow. However, I was able to find a common theme which connected the numerous discussions:  whatever the authentic self was, people assigned a high value to it.


I am living in my authentic truth.   I am my Authentic Self.
Authenticity arrives in your life when you can gather up all “yes” piles of experiences, all your “no” piles of not quite right experiences, sprinkle in a dash of personal, professional achievements, add a pinch of innate wisdom, shake together vigorously, and stand on top of this big heap of truth, and exclaim to the world I am this, and this is ME!


I share this whimsical description to demonstrate that the quest for living in authenticity is an ongoing process. There are no hard fast rules to follow, but rather guidelines for discovering an elevated version of you.  Your true authentic self already knows the way.  Whether you heed the calling or not is entirely up to you.


Take the first step:  Compile a list of Four Virtues that you consider to be significant and that pass your litmus test of truthfulness. 
My list is:  forgiveness, peace, love and activism.   Recognize that your list should be transitional, or change as you grow.  The list I would have complied when I was 25 years old is an entirely different set of aspirations now.
  
Authentic Virtues are Dynamic in Nature
We are obsessed with making lists in this country.  Every self- help book requires you to make a list and define a starting point of reference.   So why not review your “virtue list” and attempt to rank each virtue in importance from greatest to least.  I can bet, at this point, the task brings to light a whole new set of questions.  How can love be less important than forgiveness? They are of equal value on an authenticity scale of virtues.  All virtues are intermeshed with experiences.  Every experience carries a soulful lesson in each of the four categories.    I encourage you to work all four simultaneously.  Peace comes with love; love piggybacks authentic forgiveness, and so on.

I have spent countless hours with individuals who live with authentic intent.  One common thread I discovered in these people was the cultivation of a quiet mindful existence.  To nurture this trait in yourself, visualize a rushing river in your mind.  Then ask yourself the question:   what virtue do I need to work on today that will take me one step closer to knowing my authentic self?   Do you start on the river bank of forgiveness, the base of the waterfall of love, or on the stable rocks of peace?  Are you ready to jump into the rushing waters of activism with both feet and help others find their truth? 


Once you can tap into this river of peace, forgiveness, love and activism, it will become second nature to you; it will carry you for the rest of your life in truth.


How far do you go in order to live in your truth?
We live in a very competitive environment that fosters zero-sum personalities who view life as a game with clear winners and losers.  Our culture encourages natural competition.  This will never change, nor should it.  I, like many others, embrace my “inner competiveness.”   However, this does not mean it’s justifiable to run down everyone else in order to arrive at your “truth.”


Do not get the term authentic self confused with authentic selfishness! 
These terms are not interchangeable.  They are mutually exclusive of one another.  A life filled with egocentric intentions and actions is not worthy of the accolade associated with the term, genuine. No one is giving anyone permission to act as they want, do what they want, and treat others with ill-will, and then labeling this kind of behavior “authentic.”

There are ways to keep the inner seeker satisfied and stay tethered to your authentic truisms. 
Susan Murphy Milano is a shining example of this.  Susan has lived through a series of tragic events that could have separated her from her authentic self. Thankfully for the world, she chose a higher path.   Her newly released book, Time’s Up, is a culmination of hard-won life experience and truth in a raw, practical presentation that only Susan could convey.  You can sense the angelic force behind each and every placement of word, form, and detail.  This book demonstrates the last virtue on my list:  Activism.   This manifests at a time and place where your authentic self transposes to a global authentic truth.  That moment in time is today—for Susan Murphy Milano and Time’s Up, as well as for those who need this book to strive bravely toward their authentic selves!


Authentic mentorship is the path of least resistance, low cost with high rewards. 


In loving gratitude, Jillian Maas Backman
Author of Beyond the Pews (Spring 2010)

The “New and Improved” Version of New Year’s Resolutions

By Jillian Maas Backman


This time of year always brings out the best in our “new and improved” versions of New Year’s Resolutions.  It really doesn’t matter what chosen dysfunction you have selected to improve upon; the more pertinent question to ask yourself is: why this one?  What events in the past years have brought you to the conclusion that change is a must in this area of your life? What structures are you going to put in place to ensure success so this year’s resolutions do not end up with the rest of your buried and uncompleted proclamations?


Before I lay out a few suggestions of my own on how to follow through with your resolutions, let’s examine the positive first: 
 
The New Year’s Resolution ritual is the one time throughout the seasons the majority of the people on this planet; stop to; engage in a reflective moment and take part in one big universal “Internal Check-Intake Evaluation;” like the kind we’re all subjected to every time we go to a physician’s office.  Assessments of where/what we have been in the past; where/what we want to be in the future; willingness to move forward with a new attitude and plan of affirmative actions towards a higher quality existence.

The next part of this inspirational rite of passage is the fact that we are all bound together in one distinct voice to announce publically to the world: I AM NOT PERFECT, BUT I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS TO PERFECTION.   Ahhh, that feels so much better!  Now, we can all take a big sigh of relief.  Somewhere along this timeline of humanness we’ve lost our ability to grant each other the patience and time to fully embrace an adult learning curve together. You must say to yourself: Yes, I am willing to accept my challenges.  Yes, I will work on them, year round if necessary. Sometimes, we have a lifetime of make-over’s to live up to, underscored with the commitment to live a more loving lifestyle than year’s past and a promise to recommit for years to come, if that’s what it takes to be at peace from the inside out.
 
So where do we go from here?
  
Unfortunately, many of us do not make it past this point in the progression unless we are forced to do so.  Here comes the reality of the situation: it is time to buckle down and do the supportive work it takes to succeed.  

Support your new proclamations with new measures:

Surround yourself with new people and new experiences.  Break the energy bond you have with those around you.  The reason we keep repeating some of our outward behavior is because we are used to the energy of the company we keep.  There is an exchange of force that builds between all relationships; the closer the bond, the more fixed this energy gets between yourself and friends.  There can be both positive and negative exchanges, so you need to get very clear on who in your life has positive influence and who in your life has a negative influence.  Be honest with yourself and ask the question, “Is this person supporting my intentions and in return, am I supportive of their intentions?”  If not, trust and let go.  Your intentions of living a more pure life will bring forth those that have the same convictions as you do.  

Run your own experiment here; test this theory on your own: let someone go out of your life- with love, not anger- and see what transpires. You will be amazed at who stumbles into your path, by accident! 


Select a friend’s New Year’s Resolution proclamation to support.

I get so tired of over-working my own issues, on all levels of MBS (mind, body, spirit).  It is so easy to get myopic, tangled up in your own issues, concentrating solely on your growth that you lose sight of the rest world growing with you.  It feels good inside to lend your MBS know- how to someone else for awhile. Doesn’t seem like their issues are easier to resolve than your own? Pick a friend in your inner circle to support in their New Year’s Proclamations.

Self Motivation: The glue that holds your intentions in place:

It seems some people have an easier time of following through on their intentions?  I suppose so.  What have they tapped into that you have not in this moment in time?  Self-motivation, that’s what. It is the key to grounding your intentions in a solid foundation. It is one of those strange and illusive traits that have to be practiced over and over until you hit the bull’s eye of what you want to accomplish. 
 
People ask me this question all the time. How did I get to be the lucky one that has this special trait?

I ask myself this question all the time as well!  What am I doing differently than others, what motives me to keep moving forward? I have spent countless hours dedicated to connecting with inner seeker, part of me that many label as the inner child.  I see it differently; this part of me is an adult, functioning as an adult, curious to the world and all that it has to share with me, part of myself.  That sense of self that does not adhere to someone else’s expectations does not resonate with someone else’s time clock. My inner voice keeps asking relevant questions, like what’s next?  I treasure the connection of knowing myself more and more each day I serve here on this planet.

Here is a good example:  those of you who have made resolutions for this year or even in the past have picked up and dialed inward to the private line known to the world as your inner voice only for you, by you, and only you can keep the dialog going throughout your life. 


Years ago I went out for a walk with several dear friends in the woods.  I was complaining that all I could hear was ringing in my ears.  My friends, being my friends, quietly told me to pick up the phone!  I realized that day, that my internal self-motivation mechanism had been there all along reaching out to me, and I was the one avoiding the soulful phone call.
 
I applaud you for taking the initial stance of declaring your yearly resolution, encourage you to shake up your support system and focus on helping others achieve their own resolutions.  Lastly, I ask you to commit to dialing in your own self-motivational landline to keep you going throughout the rest of this year and beyond. I know there is always a sense of urgency to change everything at once, but THERE IS PLENTY OF TIME TO TAKE YOUR TIME!  

In loving gratitude, Jillian