Keeping the Christmas Spririt

By Charles Moncrief 

Maybe it’s an accident of timing, but a couple of weeks ago I read Donna Gore’s article “The Christmas Casseroles Stopped After Two Weeks.” So it’s my privilege to refer to the article, recommend it, and hopefully build on the idea expressed in it.

 

Every year the feasting at Christmas -- and all of the other winter celebrations -- is painful for those who have an empty place where a loved one had been present before. For the most part, it seems the pain is sharpest when this is one of the “firsts” experienced after the loss. You know: first anniversary alone, first Christmas alone, first birthday alone. Our hearts go out to all who, for whatever reason, must face this sadness at an otherwise joyful time of celebration. Many prayers have already been offered on their behalf.

 

Back to Donna’s article. I’m always thrilled to see the outpouring of compassion at this time of year. From Thanksgiving to Christmas many are blessed by the genuine sharing of hearts in the shelters, the hospitals, and the prisons. And what amazes me every time is that the ones sharing are blessed as much as the ones shared with.

 

Now here’s where I tread on thin ice -- if you’ll pardon my use of this term at wintertime. My heart tells me to put in a plug for this Christmas spirit to continue year-round. Remember, the battered women at shelters need help as much in July as they do in December. The same goes for all the others we reach out to at this time of year.

 

My heart says this, but my mind says such a suggestion might be received with something like “What else would you expect from a preacher?” Fair enough. But I’m out of sync with most pulpiteers when it comes to Christmas preaching. I’m as tired as you are when preachers have a field day spouting “Christmas is becoming too commercialized,” “We’ve adopted pagan customs and lost the meaning of Christmas,” etc. While many of my colleagues will criticize anything you do to celebrate Christmas, I’ll encourage you to follow your heart and enjoy Christmas the best way you know how. To encourage you to experiment with other ways is not to criticize what you’re already doing.

 

I do hope that the Spirit surrounding Christmas will stay around with everyone all year. My reason for this hope is that the joy, comfort, and healing found in this Spirit can ultimately accomplish nothing but good for anyone who chooses to keep this Spirit around.

 

Please accept my sincere wish for a joyous Christmas and the new year.

Grace and Peace,

Charles+

http://charlesmoncrief.blogspot.com

Shalom!

By Neil Schori

This past week has been tough...I mean really tough.  Sometimes I can be like the little boy who "cried wolf," but bear with me on this one.  One of my little twins got sick and at one point had a 104 degree temperature and she was just a moment away from hospitalization.  My sweet little Ava was diagnosed with both Pneumonia and a bacterial blood infection.  The doctor told me this was very rare.  Well, thank-you-very-much for your statistical analysis, doc, but this is MY daughter, and she is really sick!  

Do you ever feel like the rest of the world should have a greater respect for your circumstances when hell has arrived at your door?  It never does though, does it?  Life keeps going, and bills have to be paid, and you still have to work for a paycheck, and most people pay little to no attention to your seemingly God-forsaken circumstances.  In the midst of Ava's sickness with a capital "S," I was thrown into enormous relational strife in my extended family, and two people in my faith community were hospitalized with some extremely serious conditions.  No end in sight.  Help me.  DEEP BREATH...

Throughout all of these things, I needed peace more than anything.  Rest for my rapidly beating heart and respite for my weary soul.  But I needed peace that was more than the absence of struggle.  I needed that "peace that surpasses all understanding," as the Apostle Paul so aptly described in 4th chapter of the biblical book of Philippians.  But where was it?  I needed something real instead of just theoretical.  

The Gospel of Luke tells us in chapter 2 the Christmas story.  Not the one about Santa and his sleigh.  But about Jesus and his entry into the mess of our lives:

Luke 2: 9-14~ "An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them "Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.  Today in the town of David a savior has been born; he is the Messiah, the Lord.  This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."  Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying: "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."

If you are reading this post, there's a good chance that you or someone you know has been touched by the evil of domestic violence that has likely left you with a voracious desire for true and lasting peace.  I have good news for you today.  The God who loved you so much that he sent his son to earth to suffer for your sin and mine, offers you peace and hope that can't be taken away by any tyranny of man.  I asked God to bring me peace, and he did.  But it was in an unexpected form.  He didn't wave a magic wand take away my struggles or give me the warm and satisfying physical comfort of a fireplace with a side of good hot chocolate.  He didn't even give me silence or the absence of strife.  He did something even better.

You see, God's desire for you and for me...no matter what our circumstances are, is for shalom.  Shalom is the Hebrew word for peace but it means more than what we typically think of as peace.  It isn't the absence of something.  It is the presence of God.  God IS peace.  God whispered to me that he will always be with me, no matter what happens.  And that was just what I needed.  My prayer for you today is that the God of shalom would overwhelm you with the knowledge that you are not forgotten and the feeling that he IS with you.  

Your struggles may not end today, but with you, I wait with great expectation for that day of peace when God will "...wipe every tear from our eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:4)

Breathing deeply while fighting at your side.

Shalom,

Neil

Male Survivors Are Victims Too

By Lavinia Masters

He sat on the edge of the hospital bed clothed only in a thin hospital gown that opened from the back. His face was that of a frightened little boy that was in fact a tormented young man. The police stood over him as they wrote out his horrendous account if his traumatic acts of sexual violence against him. As his aunt sat quietly in the corner you could not only see the pain in her eyes but the vacant expression as she wondered how could her own family member manipulate, abuse and sodomize their own flesh and blood?

He was only 14 years old and the abuse had began at the tender age of 8 years old when the abuser uncle had moved in with his other aunt and uncle that he now resided with. He had to move in with his relatives because he had already suffered enough in a home of a mother that was a crack addict and a man that he only knew as a “dead beat dad”. He had already come from hell… only to coexist with the devil himself.

The night I entered that hospital room, I had to do a double take because although I knew that sexual abuse was not a known discriminator, I had never personally encountered a male victim myself. There before me was a young boy that just wanted to be normal yet did not want to cause any further harm or destruction to his family. Why did he try to take on such a major responsibility? Why did he feel that he was the one that needed to protect the family especially after what his family has taken him through? He was just a boy and as I looked at him on the edge of that bed, I was able to see that he was no longer a young boy that was sodomized by his uncle in a disgusting act of sexual abuse but that he was another child that had been a “victim” of sexual abuse.

Male survivors of sexual abuse are more prevalent than what I think we actually know and want to believe. It is the same as we know and realize that the counts of sexual violent crimes against children are not only high but alarming and over 50% of them are not reported. The effects of sexual abuse can be very confusing for children. For a child, it often involves being used or hurt by a trusted adult. The child might learn that the only way to get attention or love is to give something sexual or give up their self-respect. No child should have to live this way…female or male.

I watched this young man tell his story as I felt the horror that he tried to hide with a face of numbness. My heart connected with his…not only as a survivor of sexual violence but as a mother that was grieving for her child. He needed to know that everything that happened to him over the course of the last 6 years was not his fault and in spite of it all that everything was going to be alright. He needed someone to listen openly and judge silently. He wanted someone to say I am here for you physically and be there for him mentally and spiritually…he needed me.

When the police finally made their reports and prepared for the arrest of this monster that was known to him as his uncle… the SANE nurse finally came to take him away for his exam. He looked to me as if he needed some form of approval from me and as I nodded my head, I told him that he will be alright and to trust that the nurse would not harm him. With that she rolled him away and I along with his aunt awaited his return to the room. As I watched him being wheeled away I could not help but think about my own son having to face a gruesome destiny such as this.

He entered this world as an innocent child but is living the life of an adult that has endured many afflictions. He did not ask for the abuse nor did he ask for the hurt or shame but unfortunately this was hand the hand that he was dealt and his job now is just trying to survive. He was a young man born of a woman and he is now a young victim scarred by the affects of sexual violence. The abuse saw no gender, the abuse saw no age, the abuse only saw an opportunity and the abuse violated a child and left him living the life of a victim.

He returned to the room and in his eyes I saw the same look of re-victimization that I had when through at the age of 13 years old after my SANE exam following my assault. I shared this painful story with him and I told him that I knew what he was going through. Perplexed was the next look I received as he tried to comprehend the peace that now took over my demeanor after enduring sexual violence as a child. I explained to him all my past feelings and disgusts but that now I am just as normal and at peace after my own “healing” after sexual trauma and assured him that he could be too.

We talked awhile longer and as he shed a few tears he was able to replace them with laughter because he now realized that as we shared openly that he had begun to unlock the chains that had locked him in his silence for far too long! In that moment he saw that he was able to rise above the hurt, humiliation and trauma that sexual abuse caused. He had actually begun to feel free, he had actually began to believe that he could become whole again and that if he could just hold on a little while longer that everything would be restored.

As I prepared to depart that night, I gave him a teddy bear and packet of resources and referrals to get him started on his road to recovery. I then gave him a hug and as he squeezed me tightly with a heart full of gratitude, he said I love you… and at that moment I believed that male survivors can be victims too. This is a myth that has been instilled through masculine gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the "macho image," declaring that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims or even vulnerable. When in all honesty, boys are children…and just like girls they are weaker and more vulnerable than their perpetrators.

So you can imagine how I applaud and thank Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry as they bring over 200 men together to speak up and out about their abuse. I am also excited that I am not a lone ranger in offering support and prayer to male survivors as they battle with the many demons of sexual trauma because unfortunately males may be more damaged by society's refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their resultant belief that they must "tough it out" in silence. No one should have to suffer or “tough it out” in silence…especially a child…whether it’s a boy or a girl.

When rain falls it does not know whether it is falling on all the little boys or little girls in the world such as the sun shining…gender has never been a reason for it to discriminate. Moreover the moon gives light to all that is under its covering as well as the stars share their illumination upon every species in this world. So is the devastating and non discriminatory ways of sexual abuse…when it affects one it affects us all. Remembering as an advocate we are to advocate for justice, healing, empowerment, awareness and peace for all victims…including males.

A Home of Peace: Psalms of the Pilgrim

By Karen Rae Elkins

When I'm not studying river maps I will turn to a different kind of map, a treasure map most know as a Bible. It takes me to the places I've been to let me know: I am not alone. The words lead me down the roads I've yet to see. They speak to me of my value on this earth. In the dark hours past midnight, I turned to my Bible for direction. The WHY LORD questions have ceased. They've been replaced with Lord, be the light that directs my steps. When I get to where I'm going, the treasure that I will discover is more precious than gold or silver. It's all about the journey, not the destiny. The Bible opened to this passage: Too long have I had my dwelling among those who hate peace. I am for peace; but when I speak, they are for war! (Psalms 120:6-7). Some may call the message chance, but I know! that I know, it was one of those divine moments when His words came through. It's a Psalm of special meaning. The enemies of peace will fail. I have the will to defeat conflict.

I desire peace, it's what I've wanted all along. Can I embrace the time of peace with the courage to make difficult decisions? Soon. Sweet peace: to gain enough strength to shape my own destiny, to spend precious moments with my children, to make lasting friendships without fear of their getting caught in the crossfire, to know my co-workers and let them into my life. As it is with most scripture, they were more than words when I decided to look deeper into the entire Psalm. Maybe, just maybe, it is my appointed time to move into a new beginning, a season of dreams, a hope fulfilled, a faithful day when I can say I have won the war against his continued attacks. Yes, I am for peace, but he means war. I can't change him. I never could. He has lost, and I have come to understand, he is just not that important. 

My adversity, the abuse, leaving and continued stalking has been for my life in order that I may share my experiences, my knowledge, my victories. I have given up virtually everything to find my life. You too, my sister in silence, may be faced with the same emotions, experiences and decisions. March on, do what you need to do to be strong in the struggles of domestic violence. Take time for yourself. You are important. Be a survivor from the devil who haunts you. Know that, "The Devil is a liar." He'll tell you that you are less than just to keep his control over you. Most of all, "Be safe".

According to  google, Psalms 120 through the final Psalm 134 are the Psalms of Degrees. Some call it the Psalms of Assents. It is described as the Pilgram Psalm. Anyone who has experienced leaving an abusive situation is a Pilgram of sorts. Each Psalm being a step of divine protection for the oppressed living in bondage, and judgment for those who have enslaved. These psalms are often used during the Feast of Tabernacle, which approaches in September. To the man who hates peace, read the Psalm of what awaits in your future. I don't wish anyone harm. I don't wish him anything. Life is about choices. Me? I'm leaving him behind, like a train wreck in my rear view mirror.

I've been writing blogs for Time's Up for eleven months. As I approach the one year anniversary, my pilgrimage, this is what I've discovered from writing. I'm not ashamed to say I blog against domestic violence. I found dignity in my experiences. It's an opening line, a life line in some ways to the women out there who sit silent in their abuse. Abuse comes in many forms.

I've taught myself to do what I have to do in this life to be happy. Fishing makes me very happy. I've found happiness in helping other women in their pilgrimage to leave abuse. I'm reminded of Kim, a woman who once confessed to me, "I can't leave. I can never take care of myself." It's what he had told her so many times that she believed his lie. She moved away from her abusive husband over a year ago and now owns her own home. Way to go Kim. A home of peace. May he never cross under your front door. She called me the other day frantic because he was going to take the car. I reminded her of how far she has come from the day she told me I can never take care of myself. I told her it was the last hold he had on her and to just go buy a car of her own. She did just that. I am so proud of her!  Pretty Amazing, huh? 

I'm keeping my dreams big and my worries small. I've learned it's my journey not the destiny that adds to my life. I love fishing, all the rest are details. No worries are that big. Life is full of obstacles. It's all about the fish in my boat.  Maggie is a young woman who dreams of fishing. Meeting other women who like to fish tickles me. While in the boat together I learned that in her short time on earth she has only known a life of violence. Her father beat her, her step father beat her, and today, her boyfriend hits her. She said, "Karen, I think I've become comfortable with hitting as a way of life. Am I crazy like they say"?  Pretty sad, huh? No Maggie, you are not crazy, that is just what others want you to think so you will continue to accept their fist. I told her she was strong enough to break the chain of abuse. And then, we just fished. I knew just like the big fish on my line, that I had "got one" in the boat and she is destine to break that chain of violence. How can she lose? She is my fishing daughter.

I'm going to chose a life that mean the most to me, not the life someone else has planned for me. I have to close with the story of powerful Mary, who has helped me. She now lives by the saying, "I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6". I had to think about that one. Her story is one of kidnapping and shear horror. Her ex boyfriend held hostage for 2 days. He told her she was going to die. When she escaped, he shot at her as she was running through the neighbors yard. I can't imagine running from bullets. The ex boyfriend never spent one day in jail for his crimes. That's our justice system and that a blog for another day. Because of the experience and the fact that he is out there free to do it again, Mary now carries a gun with her at all times. She encourages other women to own a gun for protection. She instructs them where to go to buy a gun. She points them to the nearest instruction classes and shooting range. Mary always has one strapped to her, one in the car, and one in her Gucci purse. Pretty protected, huh?

I will have peace as I read more deeply into the Psalms of the Pilgrim. I can relate and listen to the women who are leaving what they know for a land of promise. Life is an adventure of the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly. Today is a day of powerful opportunity.Peace can be found around every corner. I'm not ashamed, I have the tee shirt and wear it with grace. 

September promises to be a good month for fishing. Until next time, fish steady my friends.

 

Karen Elkins 
John 3:17 for God sent the Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.

Vital Belief #4—Take Care of You First

By Pamela Chapman

If you read my previous blog entry, Vital Belief #3, you’ll recall that I spoke of breathing correctly. I spoke of the flight attendant telling you to put the oxygen mask over your own nose and mouth in case of emergency and why doing so is critical. Today’s blog is just an expansion of that and is written especially for you ladies. Gentlemen, you can follow the same advice, but we girls tend to take care of everyone else before we think of ourselves. We don’t usually take time for ourselves until our bodies are screaming “STOP!” or literally stopping us with illness.


While many of our Time’s Up! activists are pursing incredibly urgent causes—abuse, missing persons, murder, and cyber crimes, to name a few—I am committed to inspiring, motivating, strengthening, and bringing inner healing to you while you fight. I commit to building your stamina while you carry on for the cause. This is why my writings never speak to the pain, but bring you glimpses of peace, light, and love. 


In your urgent and critical endeavors, it is so easy to forget about you and the importance of taking care of yourself. You might even consider it selfish to think about yourself when there are so many atrocities occurring 24/7 around the world. But, let me put it this way: without you, those atrocities wouldn’t be confronted or addressed. Your movement would possibly die or be delayed. So, here’s some simple and practical advice that won’t take a lot of your time or energy.

When your mind is unfocused, you can’t remember where you’re putting things, you don’t know what you did last or what you should do next, and your body aches all over, STOP! Take a break—take time off. Take time to smell the roses, look at the blue sky by day, and count the stars by night. Check out that ball in the sky that gives you light for the darkest night, takes on different shapes, and even smiles at you at times. Take off your shoes and socks and feel the grass between your toes, take a deep breath and smell its freshness, put your ear to its roots and listen to it crackle as it grows—it’s life. Is there an ocean nearby so that you can listen to its roar and hear what it wants to say to you? Is there a calm river that wants to take you gently and peacefully, without your working, downstream?


Pretty Woman, one of my all time favorite movies (that and the Ten Commandments—go figure) shows us how a working woman, a woman of the oldest profession, teaches an ambitious, overachieving entrepreneur how to embrace life and love and take care of himself. It’s not enough to pursue your goals, passions, or causes if you, in turn, miss out on life and neglect yourself. This may rub you the wrong way, but let me remind you of this: the basis of life isfreedom; the result of life is expansion; and the purpose of life is life more abundant. 


That statement may really tick you off, especially if you have just experienced tragedy. But I reiterate: the purpose of that tragedy is to expand you and bring you to your purpose in life. All Creation knew you could move through the experience, make the choice to step up to the experience, and then do something about it. You weren’t going to just take it. The experience may have crippled you for a moment, but you chose to get up and out of your pain, disappointment, and anger. You made a choice to carry on. During the process you may have cried, broken down, and even come close to death yourself, but in the end, you endured and found or are finding joy and peace in making great change. Your purpose will outweigh your pain if you say yes to the call.


With that being said, you must take care of you. Go back to the first three vital beliefs I gave you at the beginning of the year: ground yourself every day, if not several times a day; only put out what you want to get back (love, joy, and peace); and  breathe deeply. If your body or mind begins to ache, it’s sending you a signal: you’re out of alignment (ouch). If you start to sneeze and cough, you’re doing too much (ouch again), and if you find yourself with a more serious dis/ease (heart ailment, diabetes, or, God forbid, cancer) this is your body crying out for you to love YOU. Let go, rest, wait, refocus, reenergize, and balance. Do some soul searching. Your body, soul, and spirit are sending you a strong message. You can do all of the things you want to do: pursue careers, raise children, seek justice, introduce bills and amendments, expose untruths, and reveal truths. But do it in wholeness, not brokenness. 


You make no great witness if you are unbalanced, broken, or bereaved. It is my belief that the only way you’re going to change the world is to be that example of wholeness: to be the healed (mentally, physically emotionally), to be the light, and to be the love. When we can be that, others will want to be like us. You can only become that by taking care of you first.


In love, light, and healing,
Pamela Chapman
Certified Self-Esteem, Life-Transition Expert
Certified Domestic Violence Specialist