Minimizing Rape: Who is Accountable?

By Gayle Crabtree

Could someone please tell me what an alleged reporter was thinking when he wrote the piece called Vicious Assault Shakes Texas Town.

In this article, the NY Times reporter James C. McKinley, JR writes about how the rape of an 11 year old is reverberating through a town. What he doesn’t write about is how the rape is reverberating through the child’s life and the life of her family.

Beginning with the title, the article takes the fast track downhill. You bet the town is shaken. It should be. The reported gang rape of an 11 year old should shake any town to the core! Rape should never be condoned. Further, there is no excuse for an article to even suggest that a child (or adult) is to blame.

The problem is that the tone of this article seems to side with the alleged perpetrators. (I say alleged because everyone is innocent until proven guilty under the law.)

I’d like to know who told the reporter that it’s ok to quote comments about the way a child dresses. In the article he says that unnamed neighborhood residents said that the girl “she dressed older than her age”. Another quote asks “Where was her mother?”

Statistics from the Rape Abuse Incest National Network tell us that someone is sexually assaulted every 2 minutes in the United States. The stats go on to say that 44% of victims are under the age 18. 

The truth is that it doesn’t matter what she wore, where her mother was or who she took a ride from. No one deserves to be raped. The fact that she was only 11 and gang raped, makes the crime more horrendous not less.

Making matters even worse is that the article says that parts of the rape were video taped on cell phones which were passed around at school.

The article goes on to mention that basketball players from the high school may be involved. There is mention of an adult son of a prominent person in the town may also be involved.  

Then, there is a mention that the monsters who allegedly did this will have to “live with this the rest of their lives”. The child who was raped will have to live with it too.  Any survivor can tell you that rape is a life sentence for the victim.

Missing from the article is any information about that. Nothing is written about how many rape victims develop post traumatic stress disorder. There is no mention of any of the ways this could affect such a young girl.  A girl, who is young enough that her mother says “still loves stuffed bears”.

Change.org has a petition calling for the NY Times to apologize to the child for blaming her for being gang raped. So far just over 29,000 signatures have been collected. Would you like to add yours? Click on the Change.org link to speak out now.

Gayle Crabtree is the Founder of Hope For Healing.Org, a nationally recognized speaker with RAINN, and a survivor of sexual assault.




Editor's note:  This positive statement was recently released. There is power if we take a stand!

Big news! After a massive outcry from more than 40,000 Change.org members -- which led to news coverage in the Huffington Post, Village Voice, and even London’s Daily Mail -- New York Times public editor Arthur S. Brisbane has issued a strong rebuke of the victim-blaming in a recent article by reporter James McKinley about the gang-rape of an 11-year-old girl and her community's response.  

Brisbane wrote said that the outrage was "understandable" and that the piece conveyed "an impression of concern for the perpetrators and an impression of a provocative victim" that "led many readers to interpret the subtext of the story to be: she had it coming."

The apology isn’t perfect -- it decries the lack of "balance," as if the paper should be providing equal voice to the concerns of the victims and her alleged attackers. And unfortunately, while the story ran in section "A" of the Times, Brisbane’s commentary showed up only online, not in his weekly column.

But because the Times is so high-profile, this condemnation still sends an important message to reporters all around the U.S. that readers will hold them accountable for insinuating that victims are somehow responsible for playing a role in their own sexual assaults. And you made this happen.

Murder in Progress: Elizabeth New Jersey

[In the town of Elizabeth New Jersey, a murder is being planned, in progress, by a commissioned police officer as I write this post.]

The officer and his wife have been married for more than a dozen years. The couple has 2 children. Yesterday, she had her husband served with divorce papers after years of having a gun pulled and cocked to her head, numerous rapes, and terroristic tactics to keep her a victim and not call police for help. “I’ve had enough” she said. “My husband is not going to get away with it.”

This officer has not acted alone, receiving assistance from his fellow tin shield cowards in uniform as they assist this bozo with a badge. To add fuel to this already deadly flame, the officer’s brother is a high ranking Lieutenant, his supervisor in the same department.

Similar to Kathleen Savio , wife of former Bolingbrook Police Sgt. Drew Peterson,( who is awaiting trial for her murder) found dead on March 1, 2004, in a dry bathtub, Savio was also silenced with the assistance of fellow officers with the same pattern of conduct taking place in Elizabeth, New Jersey.

During the months leading up to the discovery of Kathleen's corpse, officers routinely sat in their squad cars in front of her house, drinking coffee -- the ultimate 'screw you' for thousands of police officers' wives whose cries for help fall on deaf ears. In March 2002, Drew Peterson and Kathleen Savio filed for divorce. On March 11, 2002, Kathleen secured a temporary emergency order of protection. In an unusual move before the divorce was finalized, Kathleen also signed a power of attorney so Drew could buy a home just down the street with his then-underage new love interest. Victims of violence always wish their aggressive, abusive partners would move on to someone else. Kathleen’s strategy was brilliant. She got out of her own way; however humiliating at the time, she disarmed Peterson by waiving her rights to the property as a marital asset. Kathleen knew firsthand the danger she faced from Drew, a police officer and abusive husband, if she refused to sign the document. She signed it only out of pure fear.

When all her attempts failed to get help from the police -- those whose job it is to serve and protect -- Kathleen Savio wrote letters to then-Will County Assistant State’s Attorney Elizabeth Fragale documenting Peterson’s alleged abuse. They included claims that in July 2002, Peterson held a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her. But Savio was only further victimized when the state attorney’s office dropped the ball. Prosecutors should have filed separate felony stalking charges for threatening phone calls from Peterson and for each time he stalked her. They didn't -- not even when the court issued the emergency order of protection against him.

Sending the letters was a courageous move not only by a victim but by a police officer's wife. These letters, written and signed by Kathleen, would not see the light of day until a parade of media swarmed down on the home at Pheasant Chase Drive until after news broke that Stacy Peterson, his fourth wife, had vanished

The Elizabeth, New Jersey's officers wife has also written letters to Attorney General Eric Holder; Newark Attorney General’s office; Office of the Director of the Elizabeth Police James Cosgrove; Chief of Police Ronald Simon; Union County prosecutor’s office; Sen. Frank Lautenberg; New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie; and the Mayor of Elizabeth. The letters were sent on September 22, 2010, detailing the times, dates and details of the horrific violence. The only person whom responded so far is the Mayor who contacted the officer’s wife earlier this week.

Here is a brief overview of it, in her own words, what she has experienced: a Police Officer from the Elizabeth Police Dept., in Elizabeth, NJ. I had my husband arrested 8/12/2010, and was granted a Temporary Restraining Order of Protection. Which was later dropped because the night before going to court; I was threatened by a private caller to drop all charges. I was intimated and scared and never showed up. The Temporary Restraining Order was dropped.

On 8/19/2010 incident of dropping TRO, this gave my husband the opportunity to harass me with phone calls, and threatening texts. I t would start out just being friendly to escalating to vivacious threats of harming me. I tried to ignore them, causing me emotional distress and fear. I fear him, because after many years of mental and physical abuse from him, I know this anger and rage....I know he is going to come after me or what’s most important in my life "My Daughters". This man suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder, which I would have the dept. have him evaluated psychologically.

On September 20- 22, 2010, my husband decided it was a day to harass me with over 50 calls to my home and texting. I sent a email to his Internal Affairs office stating to please advice the officer to leave me alone... this was ignored by the Captain. Nothing was done, because he continued until September 28, 2010. I had to go to Ocean County Court and get another TRO. Which was granted, and he obeyed the TRO... I have a concern with his internal affairs dept. they are conducting a investigation, in which to me seems fictional. I understand that the code of blue is a brotherhood to protect each other. Well in these cases there should be protection for the victim not the Police Officer. We are not trained in the law or how to inflect bodily harm, nor do we carry guns and badges. We have no power or authority to manipulate the justice system.

I could continue but you get the idea. The Elizabeth New Jersey’s officer wife currently has a civil restrain order, which means nothing for her safety and life.

As she say’s “ It’s just a piece of paper, telling him to obey. But it gives me no protection from Police Dept. should he violate the civil order.” I And every physical abuse after my beating, he would throw the phone at me, and “ Go ahead bitch call the police” and laugh.

“I don’t want to be the next victim I want to be safe and alive for my daughters.”

I currently am in the possession of information and documents that I will not hesitate releasing, including names and badge numbers should another incident or threat to harm this officers wife from Elizabeth, New Jersey, take place from this point going forward.

I should mention before I receive correspondence from those angry officers who attempt to post anonomously or send me emails laced with threats, that I was the daughter of a decorated Chicago violent crimes detective. I am an expert in the area of officer related intimate violence and homicide. My career began in 1989 when my mother was murdered by my father.

Gentlemen, I have no problem coming to Elizabeth, New Jersey as I did recently in Garvin County, OKlahoma, with an army of media and others if the powers in place, fail to immediately stop this murder in progress.

(Susan Murphy Milano, is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Psychopathy Education for more information visit http://www.saferelationships.com/ and is the author of the new book "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and where ever books are sold. And she is the host of Time's Up on http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and she is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated show with Dr. Laurie Roth on http://www.therothshow.com/)

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Time’s Up from an Unexpected Perspective

By Charles Moncrief

Billy called me just seven weeks after taking his wedding vows. “Glenda left me, and there’s a note on the kitchen table.” He read the note to me. Glenda claimed that she and her children could no longer take Billy’s abusive behavior. They left while he was at work, and they left with most if not all of their belongings.

The incident was twenty years ago. I remember it now, because Glenda followed some of the steps mentioned in Time’s Up, a recently published book by Susan Murphy Milano (ImaginePublicity, Surfside Beach, SC).
At the 50,000 ft level the book shows Susan’s heart for those in abusive domestic relationships, and it provides a resource for them to make a safe escape from those prisons. Glenda followed only a few of the principles in her midday departure from Billy, and doubtless she could have benefited from Susan’s book if it had been available. Things worked out for Glenda, but they don’t always. And in the two decades since then, it’s sad that such a resource as Time’s Up was not yet available. The pieces were there, but to me this is the first time they’re all in one place. I’m also encouraged by two additional facts. The first is that the book is in an on-demand issue state, which means that outdated links and contact information can be replaced without going through a whole new printing. And the second is that plans are being worked out to put the how-to information onto a compact memory device, such as a flash drive or whatever the technology evolves into, for abuse victims to carry with them.

I’ve read and heard glowing reviews of Susan’s book, so my purpose in writing this article is not to write another such review. Instead, allow me to refer back to my conversation with Billy. We have been friends for more than thirty years, and because of our relationship his phone call surprised me for no other reason than its having come after only seven weeks. The tie-in to Susan’s book is found in the first chapter, in which she profiles an abuser and gives characteristics of different types of abuse. While I’ve long been aware of these things in concept, Susan has put both flesh and substance on them. We’ve heard of divorces claiming mental cruelty, but thanks to Susan we’re now moving from the abstract to more specifics.

While the public perception of domestic abuse is generally “wife-beating,” Susan doesn’t let us off the hook; she gives names to various forms of abuse: emotional, physical, sexual, and financial. She also describes other tactics such as intimidation, isolation, and dangerous threats. But she doesn’t stop there, which gets to the heart of my purpose in writing this article. Let me take a sample from the first chapter. The number in parentheses following each type of abuse is the number of examples to describe it and to indicate the amount of thought that has gone into the preparation. There’s obviously overlap, and I’d expect the number and descriptions to change over time. I’ve included only one each, and not necessarily the best choice.

Emotional Abuse (9)

• They intentionally say things to embarrass you in front of others. They make remarks about your appearance or belittle you. They talk over you if you are engaged in conversation, or consistently contradict you in an effort to discredit you, or make you feel stupid.

Intimidation (6)

• They use “those looks” or the inflection in their voice to illicit fear.

Isolation (6)

• They attempt to limit outside activities such as visiting family, getting involved with your children’s school, community functions, or attending religious services.

Financial Abuse (7)

• They spend money on toys like motorcycles, stereo equipment, new cars, and clothes, while you are forced to ask for money from friends or family to buy a needed item, perhaps a birthday gift for your child, or money for food, because “you could not make it work.”

Physical Abuse (10+)

• Carrying out all types of threats against you

Sexual Abuse (17)

• Demands you perform when they tell you

Dangerous Threats (15)

• Tells you they will ruin and destroy you if you ever breathe a word to anyone

What I believe Susan never intended was that this book would also be useful to an abuser! No, not as a defensive resource, but as a reality check.

The pages that call out the types of abuse, and the profile of an abuser, are excellent reading for anyone in a domestic relationship. (For what follows, if you’re being abused in a domestic relationship, this does not apply to you.)
It would do each of us a lot of good to lay aside our preconceived notions and prejudices regarding the categories, and to interpret them in their broadest possible context. We can then use the lists as a mirror into our own souls.
For example, how often have I embarrassed my wife in a group setting? I think Henny Youngman made famous the expression “Take my wife. . . Please!” Maybe it’s not such great stand-up comedy anymore. In my own profession it’s almost legendary how many preachers illustrate their sermons with some anecdote about their wives. (We’re going through a process of learning NOT to do this.)

How many times have we feigned emotion, or given our wives “the silent treatment,” to impose our wills on them? (Notice I’m not going to say much about how women use tears as an intimidation tactic; this is more legend than fact -- I think.)

I do intend to present Susan’s book to colleagues in the ministry, and to my police and firefighter friends. Where appropriate, I intend to present the profile and abuse-type sections separately in marital and premarital counseling sessions.
To conclude, I want to say:
Thanks, Susan! Hopefully, you won’t consider this use of your book as too much of a surprise.

Grace and Peace,

Charles+

Rihanna and Chris: The Year in Review

By: Gaétane Borders








It was just over a year ago that the world was shocked to learn that Pop’s Princess had been brutally beaten by her then boyfriend. The picture of a facially bruised and swollen Rihanna was later leaked to the world, and everyone heard the allegations against Chris Brown. Reports indicated that he had punched, bitten, and threatened to kill Rihanna while riding around Los Angeles in his car. Brown pleaded guilty to felony assault in June, and was sentenced to five years' probation in addition to 1,400 labor-oriented community service hours. Both Chris and Rihanna later appeared in primetime interviews to address their side of the highly publicized crime.


So, whose side did the public take? With the graphic picture of Rihanna’s bloodied face in the media and all over the internet, you would think that everyone would come to her defense.

However, in a survey done by the Boston Public Health Commission, almost half of Boston-area teenagers said Rihanna was responsible for Chris Brown's attack. The survey of 200 Boston youths age 12 to 19 found that 51% said Brown held responsibility, 46% said Rihanna was responsible, and 52% said both were to blame for the incident. In addition, 52% said the media was treating Brown unfairly, and "a significant number of males and females" surveyed said Rihanna was destroying Brown's career. 


 In her interview with Diane Sawyer, Rihanna acknowledged that she had personally received many messages from people who blamed her for what transpired that night. So how can this be that the one who is beaten is at fault? According to adolescent experts interviewed by the New York Times, girls “are quick to blame Rihanna in order to distance themselves from her.” Thus, acknowledging Brown’s attack would make them feel vulnerable (ie. How could they have a crush on someone who could do that?).


I like to look at it more simplistically! As with anything else, children and teens are a representation of what is seen in our homes and community. Somewhere and somehow, children have become desensitized to the issue of domestic violence. Although deeply disturbing, it should not be surprising given the rate at which these crimes occur. Reports indicate that nearly 1 in 4 women in the United States experience violence by a current or former spouse, or boyfriend at some point in her life. Reportedly, women aged 20 to 24 are at the greatest risk of experiencing nonfatal intimate partner violence. Young women age 20 to 24 also experience the highest rates of rape and sexual assault, followed by those 16 to 19. Moreover, it is reported that each year, over 3 million children witness domestic abuse, and research has shown that many of these children will find themselves in a cycle of abuse in their adult lives as well.


February is recognized as Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention month. As we have observed in the teen reactions in the aftermath of Rihanna’s and Chris, much ground needs to be covered. As stated on the website for the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), “the repercussions of teen dating violence are impossible to ignore - the issue affects not just youth but their families, schools and communities as well. Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM) brings national focus to the issue of teen dating violence, highlights the need to educate our youth about healthy relationships, raises awareness among those who care for them and provides communities with a critical opportunity to work together to prevent this devastating cycle of abuse.“


It is critical that community leaders, parents, teens, and school officials work together to help change the statistics. There are many ways to become involved to help spread awareness about teen violence. Below is a list that of campaigns that NCADV highlights on their website. However, also remember that the best place to start making an impact is in your very own home. Talk to your teen. Look for the signs. Take action!

·                   Have a Heart Campaign

·                   A Thin Line

·                   HOPE

·                   My Strength

·                   The Red Flag

·                   Boss of Me

·                   That's Not Cool

·                   It Stops With Us

·                   Choose Respect

·                   MADE

·                   Know More Say More

·                   Start Strong

·                   No Means Know

·                   New York's Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month

Sincerely,


Gaétane Borders, MA, ABD