Are You Ready For Some Accusations! Ben Roethlisberger?

By Sheryl McCollum

Twice in less than a year Ben Roethlisberger is accused of sexual assault!  Do we have a pattern? 

His agent released the following statement: “Obviously, given the prior accusation against Ben, we are skeptical of motive, but we will continue to cooperate with everyone involved.”  I am less skeptical of her motive than I am of his behavior.  The victim went to the hospital.  They collected evidence.  There was either evidence of sexual assault or not.  There was either the presence of semen or not.  The DNA will either match the accused or not.  The victim either had vaginal injuries or not.  Is there evidence of a sexually transmitted disease?  If she is lying it will come out.  If he is a rapist it will come out.

Instead of questioning her motives lets question his motives.  Did he just want to dance?  Was he just thirsty?  Why would a two time super bowl quarterback who is currently being sued for rape allow himself to be alone with a 20 year old in a bar drinking?  Should he not be on his best behavior now?  At least until the rape case is over? Instead of keeping out of trouble he goes out drinking, and has sex in a bathroom with a female he just met.  Yea, nothing could go wrong with that behavior, Ben! 

Ben Roethlisberger is 6’5 and weighs 241 pounds.  He plays an aggressive sport for a living.  He could overpower the victim with ease.  The victim stated she went to the ladies room where Roethlisberger followed in behind her and assaulted her.  Police will review tape from the security camera.  They have talked with Roethlisberger once and will review the evidence and talk with him again before filing charges.  What if he stated he did not have sex with the victim but his DNA was there?  What if he said he had sex with the victim but it was consensual but injury was present?

The first accuser stated that after the rape he became concerned about cameras.  Is this why he moved to assaulting in the female restroom – no cameras? 

Best case scenario is he went out drinking with friends and had sex with a young women in the bathroom.  Very classy Ben!  He placed himself in a situation to be accused of a sexual assault while on trial for another assault. Where is this guy’s publicist?  Worst case scenario is he raped second young women.

The Chief of Security Guy Hyder, for the Casino where the first alleged raped occurred stated: 'I figured that was what was wrong, but I thought it was just like a date rape thing”.   We all know it’s not "real" rape if you were on a date(wrong!) – they weren’t on a date by the way.  She was working at the hotel when Roethlisberger called her up to his room to fix the TV sound.  When the victim arrived she found the TV in perfect working order.  Roethlisberger then, according to the accuser, refused to let her leave the room and raped her on the bed.

Time will tell if Roethlisberger is a rapist or just an idiot.

Ben Roethlisberger has not yet been charged with a crime. 

Sheryl McCollum, MS
Director
Cold Case Investigative Research Institute 


UPDATE 3/11

Roethlisberger Admits Sexual "Contact"

Of course this is the best defense ploy. To me that means he knows there is DNA evidence on the vicitm -- best defense for rape to to say you had sex with her consentually -- the evidence should be there then --

Roethlisberger's lawyer, Ed Garland, maintains his client will emerge from the incident with his reputation intact. "We intend to finish this case in a way that neither his liberty nor his future is damaged," garland told reporters. 

Roethlisberger is also being sued by a woman who claims he raped her at a Lake Tahoe hotel/casino last year, an allegation he strongly denies. 

“Thank You Oprah!”

By Lavinia B. Masters

                                          

Oprah did what I have wanted to do for a long time...to try and get inside the mind of a child molester and or rapist.  I must admit that she did a very noble thing of trying to bring education and awareness to the public by interviewing these sex offenders on national television hoping that we would listen with our intellect and not with intense hostility.  Well aware that she sat in front of a group of manipulative and conniving professional liars she continued on her quest to try and search for something that unfortunately I think that she will never find…the truth and a valid excuse to why sex offenders prey upon the weak and innocent… and for that I would like to say thank you Oprah. 

This is the very question that I asked myself for years after my assailant brutally raped me at knifepoint when I was just 13 years old.  How and why did this monster attack me the way he did…what was going on in his head?  Why did he choose me?  What was he doing out at two o’clock in the morning crawling through people windows and raping their babies?  Did he wake up that morning determined to find a child to victimize?  How could he carry out the assault when I told him stop and fought while crying uncontrollably?   Did he have any feelings?  Was he human or was he indeed a monster?  Did he have a mother, sister, aunt, grandmother or any other female figure in his life that he truly loved and cared for and would hate to see her go through what he was putting me through?  Was he born with that devious mind or was it developed over time?

These are just some of the things that I would love to ask my offender in person hoping that he could give me an answer that would allow me to believe that there was something that I could have done differently on the night of July 31, 1985 to not only save me from being spoiled but from going insane.  I would ask him not for a valid excuse, because we all know there isn’t one, but just as I believe one of the reasons Oprah did it…to try and make sense out of what doesn’t make sense.

Excuse me if I sound a bit crass, but trying to go inside and understand the mind of a child molester/rapist would be like diving into a cesspool in search of your contact lenses.  Entering the mind of a child molester is not only a filthy and immoral place but foul, putrid, and full of waste that is disgusting, linked with moral depravity.  A place that has no end and a place where the hopes of you finding your contacts is zero!

As I watched this group of predators share their stories, I flinched as they practically showed no remorse to the crimes that they committed.  I was appalled as to how they could even conceive such devious actions towards a child.  How could they honestly say that they loved this child yet caused harm in the same instance?  I then questioned, do these predators even know the true meaning of love? Love does no harm, especially sexual immorality to the weak and innocent.

However, I salute Oprah as she tried to educate parents and the public on “red flags” and what to look out for when it comes to your child’s safety in reference to sexual predators.  It is important to know and understand that 9 times out of 10 that your child will be violated by someone they know.  Parents and guardians, we need to take heed to the warning signs and be more vigilant in knowing whom are children are with, but most importantly, not only watch but listen.  Just as Oprah said if it does not seem or feel right mostly likely it isn’t. 

There are no more excuses for ignorance and I say that because I would like to believe that my parents were ignorant to the fact of sexual violence and the effects that it may have on a child especially when you choose to tell a victim to remain silent about the incident.  This helps bring the false shame and leaves a child in a world of chaos and confusion.  They need to know and understand that they will be protected and their offender needs help and the hurt that they have caused them needs to be addressed.  The lies that a predator tells a child has to be downplayed with words of love.  Our actions have to show that we pay attention as parents and guardians and that we will protect them at all cost.  Children need to know and realize that if they are ever in a potentially harmful or hurtful situation that there is someone there for them that they can go to.

I am quite sure that this subject matter will never grow old because, unfortunately, predators and victims are created and born every day.  These are sad and alarming facts, but as humans living in this world this is something that I have learned to accept…the truth.  Now when I pray for all victims… I pray for all sexual predators as well…I pray that they are caught, exposed, pay for the consequences of their sins and turn from their wicked ways.  I am learning that, unfortunately, a lot of times predators aren’t the only ones that victimize our children…some of us are found guilty as well because we refuse to address and discuss these very important issues with our children.  

Stop the violence…talk to your children about sexual abuse!  Once again thank you Oprah!

Rihanna and Chris: The Year in Review

By: Gaétane Borders








It was just over a year ago that the world was shocked to learn that Pop’s Princess had been brutally beaten by her then boyfriend. The picture of a facially bruised and swollen Rihanna was later leaked to the world, and everyone heard the allegations against Chris Brown. Reports indicated that he had punched, bitten, and threatened to kill Rihanna while riding around Los Angeles in his car. Brown pleaded guilty to felony assault in June, and was sentenced to five years' probation in addition to 1,400 labor-oriented community service hours. Both Chris and Rihanna later appeared in primetime interviews to address their side of the highly publicized crime.


So, whose side did the public take? With the graphic picture of Rihanna’s bloodied face in the media and all over the internet, you would think that everyone would come to her defense.

However, in a survey done by the Boston Public Health Commission, almost half of Boston-area teenagers said Rihanna was responsible for Chris Brown's attack. The survey of 200 Boston youths age 12 to 19 found that 51% said Brown held responsibility, 46% said Rihanna was responsible, and 52% said both were to blame for the incident. In addition, 52% said the media was treating Brown unfairly, and "a significant number of males and females" surveyed said Rihanna was destroying Brown's career. 


 In her interview with Diane Sawyer, Rihanna acknowledged that she had personally received many messages from people who blamed her for what transpired that night. So how can this be that the one who is beaten is at fault? According to adolescent experts interviewed by the New York Times, girls “are quick to blame Rihanna in order to distance themselves from her.” Thus, acknowledging Brown’s attack would make them feel vulnerable (ie. How could they have a crush on someone who could do that?).


I like to look at it more simplistically! As with anything else, children and teens are a representation of what is seen in our homes and community. Somewhere and somehow, children have become desensitized to the issue of domestic violence. Although deeply disturbing, it should not be surprising given the rate at which these crimes occur. Reports indicate that nearly 1 in 4 women in the United States experience violence by a current or former spouse, or boyfriend at some point in her life. Reportedly, women aged 20 to 24 are at the greatest risk of experiencing nonfatal intimate partner violence. Young women age 20 to 24 also experience the highest rates of rape and sexual assault, followed by those 16 to 19. Moreover, it is reported that each year, over 3 million children witness domestic abuse, and research has shown that many of these children will find themselves in a cycle of abuse in their adult lives as well.


February is recognized as Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention month. As we have observed in the teen reactions in the aftermath of Rihanna’s and Chris, much ground needs to be covered. As stated on the website for the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), “the repercussions of teen dating violence are impossible to ignore - the issue affects not just youth but their families, schools and communities as well. Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM) brings national focus to the issue of teen dating violence, highlights the need to educate our youth about healthy relationships, raises awareness among those who care for them and provides communities with a critical opportunity to work together to prevent this devastating cycle of abuse.“


It is critical that community leaders, parents, teens, and school officials work together to help change the statistics. There are many ways to become involved to help spread awareness about teen violence. Below is a list that of campaigns that NCADV highlights on their website. However, also remember that the best place to start making an impact is in your very own home. Talk to your teen. Look for the signs. Take action!

·                   Have a Heart Campaign

·                   A Thin Line

·                   HOPE

·                   My Strength

·                   The Red Flag

·                   Boss of Me

·                   That's Not Cool

·                   It Stops With Us

·                   Choose Respect

·                   MADE

·                   Know More Say More

·                   Start Strong

·                   No Means Know

·                   New York's Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month

Sincerely,


Gaétane Borders, MA, ABD

Heeding And Taking A Stand

By Anny Jacoby

With the holiday season in "high gear", shopping until you drop, cooking and baking, dinners and celebrations and the new year approaching I felt it only appropriate to address awareness causes that pertain to victimization. And, what can you do for others and yourself.


Awareness months are a result of presidential proclamations suggesting their importance which recognizes special months, weeks or days as symbolic statements that highlight causes, interest groups and diseases that an administration thinks deserves attention. Many proclamations date back decades and are updated periodically. To achieve an awareness month, you simply have to ask. Requests usually go through the Office of the Public Liaison, and the proclamations themselves are written by the office of the staff secretary. It helps to have a cause that fits snugly into a current president's worldview. Yes, it also helps to have some connection in the government.


Personally, the following awareness months are dear to my heart and mission:

• January - National Personal Self-Defense Awareness Month
• January - National Stalking Awareness Month
• April - National Sexual Assault Awareness Month
• April - National Child Abuse Prevention Awareness Month
  
• June - National Internet Safety Awareness Month
  
• September - National Human Trafficking Month
  
• October - National Domestic Violence Awareness Month
• October - National Cyber Security Awareness Month

Not only during the above months should we take heed or take a stand but every day of your life you should be aware and proactive - awareness is the first step to any form of personal safety or self-defense. It all begins with you.


The terms "personal safety/self-defense" definitely do not make us feel all warm and fuzzy but it is extremely vital to have the knowledge about, even if it is only a "little". Just knowing a little can literally save your life or that of a loved one. Personal safety is extremely important for females because we tend to be the safety advocates for our families, friends and peers but we must not forget about ourselves.


Whenever I speak or teach I ask, "what does the words "personal safety or self-defense" mean to you"? The answer that I hear over and over is, "it has something to do with defending ourselves from someone who is physically attacking us". On the contrary, personal safety begins with mental defense. It is imperative to learn what the warning signs and red flags in domestic violence are as abuse begins with emotional, mental, verbal, spiritual, financial abuse and much more (power and control). There is nothing wrong with being pro-active and putting your safety before anything or anyone else.


Most people think that personal safety/self-defense is hurting your attacker before he/she can hurt you. On the contrary, the most important part of personal safety is doing everything possible to AVOID fighting someone who threatens or attacks you, AVOIDING potentially harmful conditions. Personal safety/self-defense is about outsmarting attackers, not always outfighting them.


This is not to say that you shouldn't be prepared in case of an attack. Consider training to learn valuable defense techniques, mentally and physically. Generally a person may use reasonable force when it appears reasonably necessary to prevent an impending injury. A person using force in self-defense should use only so much force as is required to repel an attack. Ultimately, the goal in personal safety is to not need to use physical defense but if you do, escape with little injury to yourself as possible.


The National Crime Prevention Council sends a loud message as to how to avoid undesirable situations to name a few:

• Understand your surroundings. Stay in areas that are open, well lit and well traveled.
• When possible, travel in a group - use the "buddy system".
• Make sure that your friends and parents know your basic schedule, where you are going and with whom; that you arrived safely and what time to expect you home.
• Your body language shows a sense of confidence - use it. Look like you know where you are going, be and remain alert.
• When riding on public transportation, sit near the driver and stay awake. Assailants look for vulnerable targets.
• Always carry a cell phone, in a holder on your clothing - not in the bottom of your purse or in a pocket. Make sure that it's programmed in speed dial with numbers of a few friends/family members and 911.
• If you find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time, trust your instincts. Heed to them, trust them as your instinct seldom fails you.
• Focus on what to do instead of what not to do.

Personal safety/self-defense can be warm and fuzzy once you learn what it really means and how to use it to your advantage. Give yourself permission and allow yourself to become strong mentally and emotionally which in turn will result in an outward expression of confidence. Assailants prey on weaknesses.

With January being a new fresh start in many ways it is also a time for reflection and revisions.What a better time to learn to respect ourselves? With it being time for renewal and new beginnings it is a perfect time to say:


"Yes" to ourselves


"Yes" to our self-esteem


"Yes" to our awareness


"Yes" to our self-respect


"Yes" to improving both our mental and emotional well-being


"Yes" to learning how to physically protect and defend ourselves




Wishing everyone a wonderful, Blessed Holiday season; a prosperous and healthy New Year.


Take care and STAY SAFE!

There Is No Freedom Without The Truth

By Karen Rae Elkins

Abe Lincoln said, "How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg". There is no freedom without the truth. Violence is a crime. Love doesn't leave bruises, fractures, or warrant the taking of a life. There are no exceptions to this fact. For the next year I pledge to share my thoughts, views and information as I, SOS, (search out solutions) concerning domestic violence through the blog at Time's Up!

The first truth I'd like to share is, "No one has the right to hit you, regardless". If you are a victim, tell yourself what he or she is doing is a crime. You are living with a criminal. I have issues with the the dirty little words "domestic violence." Domestic violence is assault, regardless of whether you know the perpetrator or not. These acts of violence are magnified by the fact that they are carried out by someone who claims to love you.

Second, you know your offender better than anyone. There isn't a one plan fits all situations when leaving. Every situation, every reaction is different. There are safety nets out there to help you end the cycle of abuse.You must become the General in the war within your home.

Not everyone plays by the rules. Stand up for yourself. Make no mistake in thinking justice is blind, fair or balanced by the evidence. Our justice system can often compound the problem. Justice is often corrupt and upheld by the leaders in your community. Sometimes when you stand before the judge, the charges will dumbed down. I believe these options should be taken off the table. If you have the police report, photographs, and medical records what gives any judge the right to decide in favor of releasing a rabid violent perpetrator?

Attitudes must change from the bench down. Judges should be removed for making it easier to commit this crime over and over. It wouldn't hurt my feelings if a judge is held accountable when the results of his decision leads to the death of the victims of domestic violence. He too, is responsible in part for the war within our homes. Justice served would be a shared jail cell with the person he released to commit murder.

I am a believer in the 2 strike rule penalty. If a violent abuser crosses the line twice and strikes again, he shouldn't get a "get out of jail free card". He should go straight to jail for no less than 3 years with no reduced sentence for good behavior. This give you, the victim, time to rebuild your life. His assets should be seized, sold, and given to you as victims compensation, not only for the torment you have suffered, but financially it can ease dependence on organizations for temporary housing. Three years will give victims time to heal scars and rebuild their life free from abuse.

The person who hits you or forces you to have sex would be sitting in jail if he tried the same on a stranger. Not the second time, but the first offense. He can't beat the server at a restaurant because he ordered a steak medium rare and cuts into a well done piece of meat. He can't force a sales clerk into sex, often deviant sex acts, just because he thinks she should want it. So why should a judge make a ruling based on the fact that you know the perpetrator? It's a crime, plain and simple. This type of criminal enjoys inflicting pain. He is a predator with a killer instinct. He wants to kill all that is good in you.

I want to compel those living with abuse to step into the journey that will lead them to a place of safety. The transformation will not be an easy river to cross as you move from victim to survivor to warrior... Hell bent on beating the odds. Your life will be riddled with danger, obstacles, stigmas, and discrimination. Are you worth it? Certainly. Can you do it? I did. When you cross the turbulent waters, you will love yourself.

One of the first mistakes you may have made is in the thought, "It isn't that bad, or I can control it." This thought could prove to be fatal. Trust your instinct. Fear is your friend. You are fighting a war. Don't negotiate with the liar who claims to love you and raises his fist to you. Cut off all contact. Be strong and develop your strategy for victory over abuse. Will you win every battle? It's doubtful, but keep your eye on winning the war.

Truths are easy to understand, sometimes not pretty, and often hidden right under our nose when they are discovered. How do you discover the truth concerning domestic violence? You survive it... and then one day share what you've learned with others trying to process the costly results of abuse.

I've adopted a phrase written by Maya Angelou "I can be changed by what has happened to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it". Amen.

By the time you read this blog, I will be working the production side one of the largest celebrated bass fishing events. An event when the top 100 anglers in the world compete for $500,000. 00 dollars and the title of Champion. These men are hero's and mentors in my world. They've welcomed me into a world where I can live my dreams in the present. One day, maybe I will get the opportunity to fish such a prestigious event.

Whatever your dream is, take the chance. Be safe, be informed, be strong enough to ask for help and live your dreams. Life is too precious to live with the horror that can tear you apart piece by piece, moment by angry moment.

Until next time I write, I will be fishing steady for the little green monsters called the black bass and I'll be fishing for you! I'm hoping to pull you out of the deep waters of abuse.

Much love, courage and peace to you. karen

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