Stalking and Teens: How Dangerous Is It Really?

 By Susie Kroll

Doesn’t it seem like everywhere we turn there are stories about stalking?  Numerous celebrities are or have been stalked by some crazy person.  So, it must only happen to famous people, right?  Let us not forget that the media’s portrayal of these stalkers is less than accurate for the rest of society.  What I mean is we’ve seen the mug shots on TV or in magazines.  Or we have heard the reports of sample communications between the stalker and victim.  Usually they are full of misspellings, crazy ideas, and the pictures of the stalkers usually consist of wild hair, orange jail jumpsuits, and strange eyes.

If I were a teen being exposed to this, I would assume a few things.  One, that stalking happens to people other than little ol’ me.  Two, the victim has to be rich, famous, or in the media’s spotlight for one reason or another.  Three, the victim has to be one of the “beautiful people” that everyone wants to know or be like.  Four, stalkers are strangers to the victim.  Finally, all stalkers have to be missing a few screws, nuts, crazy, maybe a little off balance, in other words mentally ill.

What do I have to say to that? Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.  According to the Stalking Resource Center, annually 3.4 million people are victims of stalking.  Even though all 50 states and the District of Columbia, and most US territories have laws against stalking, only 37% of male stalking victims and 41% of female stalking victims report these events to law enforcement.  In addition, the Stalking Resource Center reports that 75% of all victims know their stalkers.  Of that percentage, 30% are former or current intimate partners or spouses.   Finally, the Stalking Resource Center states that while some cases of stalking involve a stalker that is mentally ill, there is no evidence that all stalkers are mentally ill. 

The Webster’s New World Law definition of stalking is: A form of harassment generally comprised of repeated persistent following with no legitimate reason and with the intention of harming, or so as to arouse anxiety or fear of harm in the person being followed. Stalking may also take the form of harassing telephone calls, computer communications, letter-writing, etc. See also cyber-stalking and harassment.

Stalking can have serious repercussions for the victim including changing jobs, residence, phone numbers, daily routines, and even their identities, in order to protect themselves.   In this day and age, stalking has a new method of mayhem, technology.  Caller ID, cell phones, GPS, website histories, emails, public record searches, and social networking are just a few of the new ways someone can keep tabs on you. 

For Teens, stalking takes on a whole new dimension.  While an adult being stalked can feel like a prisoner, they have certain freedoms teens aren’t usually afforded.  An adult’s stalker may not work at the same place they do nor do they hang out at the same place as the victim for 8 straight hours or more on a daily basis.  Since 75% of all victims know their stalkers it is safe to say that most teens also know their stalkers.  Where do teens spend most of their time 5 days a week? School.  Where do they know most of the people in their lives from? School.  The next likely conclusion, their stalkers also go to school with them.  Now, can a teen leave school at any time, change schools easily, or exert the type of control over their environment that an adult can?  Not likely. 

There in is the new dimension of stalking for teens.  Stalking for teens is more easily concealed from adults not just because teens are less likely to report but also because their stalkers blend easier, as they have to be at school also.  Combine this with the fact that the victim and stalker also may be in certain classes together and you have an intense pressure situation.  Then, in comes the technology.  Stalkers have texting, caller ID, GPS, and social networking, in addition to the rumor mill to keep tabs on their victim.  Friends can inadvertently pass along information to the stalker by just taking what they did over the weekend with the victim.  Or the stalker can see what is going on by viewing Facebook or MySpace pages.  This is especially easy if the victim does not know how to best secure their pages from prying eyes.  Even more scary, is even if someone’s page is totally secure and only viewable by their friends there is still a danger of access.

 Consider this scenario:  Jill and Dan were dating for 6 months before she broke up with him.  Dan is upset about the break-up and he just won’t leave Jill alone.  He shows up at her soccer practice, has 3 classes and lunch with her, and also rides the same bus home.  Dan repeatedly texts and calls Jill.  Jill and Dan have friends in common, friends like Ann and Jake.  Even though Jill un-friended and blocked Dan after the break-up she didn’t un-friend Ann or Jake.  Jake and Dan are hanging out at Jake’s place after school and Jake is not aware of Dan’s stalking.  So, Dan takes advantage of this by asking Jake about his Facebook account.  With some clever conversation, Dan is able to see Jill’s page again by viewing it through Jake’s account.  Now he knows what Jill is saying to people, where she is going, and possibly if she is interested in or seeing someone new.

So what is a teen to do?  Teens need to be made aware of the dangers of stalking via technological advancements and social networking sites.  They also need to feel like they can talk to a trusted adult without fear of having their issues minimized because they are, after all, “only teens”.  Stalking is a serious topic that has serious consequences.  Stalkers don’t often give up if ignored.  In fact, the direct opposite occurs.  Over time, the stalker’s behavior can escalate and become even more threatening.  It may feel nice, at first to have someone pay so much attention to you but it is never okay to stalk.  Seemingly innocent infatuation can be legally considered stalking and quickly become dangerous. 

As parents, trusted adults, advocates, and caregivers, we can become educated about stalking.  We can learn the ins and outs of it and what the legality is in the state we reside in.  We can teach our teens about the differences between innocent infatuation and a dangerous situation.  We can listen when a teen talks to us about what is happening and take it seriously.  We can educate ourselves and our teens about technology and how to safeguard ourselves.  If the idea of technology is scary, have your teen teach you.  It is a great way to open up a dialog and make sure they know how to keep safe.

Together we can end stalking by teaching our teens and we may even save their lives.

All of these statistics and additional information can be found at the National Center for Victims of Crime’s website, www.ncvc.org.   For more information about Susie Kroll and Teen Dating Violence visit www.susiekroll.com

Maliciously Creating Havoc

By Cynthia Caron

Internet trolls, cyber bullies, flamers.  We have all heard of them and most of us have experienced the havoc they create online in forums and blogs.  What makes them tick? How does one protect themselves from internet trolls? They all crave attention, so to be rid of a troll one has to simply ignore them.

 Hard as it may, that is the only way to beat a troll.  Many forums have features in which you can block them from following you.  Trolls are very manipulative and crafty.  Most possess a low self esteem and find extreme satisfaction in creating disruptions to civilized groups of folks.  They strive to destroy what others are enjoying.   Many times they will start off as a "regular" poster and befriend all they can.  They will soon begin to start talking behind backs of other members and then move forward with false accusations of one member against another.  

Ironically, those that are the most common trolls are adults.  After creating negative atmospheres, they will sit back and enjoy the ruckus that they've created.  It's very common to note that trolls will also create multiple screen names and correspond with themselves as the "good person" vs. "the bad troll."  This is done to manipulate others to befriend the "good person" who is calling out the troll's behavior and in turn enables the troll to have someone to argue with when others have begun to ignore him or her.  This is in nearly all forums and invariably someone innocent will befriend the "good person" and then they will become the target of the "bad troll."  It's their method to spin a web and drag good people into their web of deceit and destruction.  Many forums have completely shut down due to numerous members who feel threatened by troll behaviors and leave the forum. 

The absolute best way to avoid this situation is to truly ignore the trolls.  Do not call out their bad behavior.  Stay away from private message conversations in which one wants to discuss other member's personalities.  Should you become the target of a troll completely ignore them and do not respond to their postings.  

Many will research the internet to find out as much personal information about you as possible, such as how many children you have or even your home address, and will use that in a post to drag you into responding hoping to entice an argument.  I've seen trolls who have impersonated other forum members by creating names in other forums to damage the reputation of the original person that they targeted.  If you encounter a troll, put them on ignore, do not respond and report them to forum moderators.  

Many forums have ways to boot those that cause disruptions, unfortunately, many may find their way to trolling back to a forum. They are certainly unwelcomed, yet an unavoidable aspect which occurs online.  Surprisingly, it's also not always considered a criminal act. They will hide behind the 1st Amendment which prevents law enforcement from being able to take action, unless a minor child is the target or a person has been threatened with actual bodily harm. 

However,  what do you do when one reaches beyond the computer and creates malicious havoc in your personal life? You can't simply ignore them when they invade your home telephone or postal mailbox.  Those who have been the targets of such malevolent evil behaviors are usually families that are already stressed by grief or of a traumatic experience and the most cruel of people will actually target those who are in vulnerable states of mind.

From those who have lost children in car accidents to parents and loved ones of those killed at war are targets of devious people who, like trolls, obtain satisfaction and delight in just knowing they've done an awful act to another, even when they are not present to see the damage they've created to another person's spirit.  They are actually cowards, many have very few people in their lives and obviously have no constructive outlets.  Many get away with it as they are difficult to identify. It's very sad, but true. Those that do these venomous acts merely do it for the thrill of causing disruption and sadness to other human beings.  Somewhere in their lives they skipped the "do unto others" lesson.

One of the very first conversations I have with a family member of a missing loved one is to tell them to absolutely, positively do not put their personal phone number, email address or cell phone as a point of contact on a missing person's poster.  While those who are seeking missing loved ones want to be able to be accessible, with every means possible, it will cause unnecessary stress as nearly every case I've handled in which a private contact was posted the family would invariably receive awful calls.  People will phone and say their loved one is deceased, or will tell the family their loved one is fine and with them and that they left purposely because "you treated them rotten." These are very mild examples compared to what I've heard families have experienced.

Recently, the Phoneix Police Department's Silent Witness program has offered a $1,000 reward for information that leads to the identification of a person who is mailing letters to homes in Arizona of young girls. Some as young as 8 years old. The alarming letters address the children by name and includes sexual connotations and vulgarity. Due to the nature of the letters, and the ages of the children addressed, criminal charges will be filed. First, however, he or she must be identified.  Thus far detectives have not been able to identify  the writer through collected DNA with registered sex offenders, unidentified sex offenders or inmates.  The investigation is ongoing and anyone with information may contact Phoenix police at 602-262-7626 or Silent Witness at 480-WITNESS.

Should you become a victim of a malicious anonymous person, there are actions that you can take depending on the severity of their acts. 

·         The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children has an excellent program to report victims of child sexual exploitation. Simply go to http://www.missingkids.com  MySpace works very closely with NCMEC and they now have a special link to automatically report a site to the NCMEC if the user is exploiting children or is suspicious in nature as a site to entice children into pornography. 

·         Most police stations, even in small towns, now have Cyber Units that you can file reports if you've been threatened, stalked or harassed in a serious nature.  They will not accept cases of vulgar language or insinuating threats because they would be overwhelmed.  However, any bodily threat, stalking or continued harassment should be reported.

·         The Internet Crime Complaint Center was established between the FBI and the National White Collar Crime Center.  Their link is: http://www.ic3.gov  *Since its inception, the IC3 has received complaints crossing the spectrum of cyber crime matters, to include online fraud in its many forms including Intellectual Property Rights (IPR) matters, Computer Intrusions (hacking), Economic Espionage (Theft of Trade Secrets), Online Extortion, International Money Laundering, Identity Theft, and a growing list of Internet facilitated crimes. (*taken from the ic3.gov site)

·         An excellent site to learn more about Internet Trolls is located at the following link: http://www.flayme.com/troll/

·         Lastly, keep copies of any threats, stalking or negative emails that you may be receiving.  Document by screen saving public postings that are threatening.  Depress your CTRL key + Print Screen key, simultaneously, to copy screen.  Open word doc file, or email body and depress the CTRL+ V key simultaneously to paste.  Email to yourself and save it in a folder, or save the document file to your computer.