The Gift of Fear/The Curse of Anxiety

by Sandra L. Brown, MA

Is it Fear Or Is it Anxiety?

Women who have been in pathological relationships come away from the relationships with problems associated with fear, worry, and anxiety.This is often related to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or what we call ‘High Harm Avoidance’– being on high alert looking for ways she might get harmed now or in the future.

PTSD, by it’s own nature as a disorder, is an anxiety disorder that is preoccupied by both the past (flashbacks and intrusive thoughts of him or events) and by the future (worry about future events, trying to anticipate his behaviors, etc.). With long term exposure to PTSD, this anxiety and worry begins to mask itself, at least in her mind, as ‘fear.’ In fact, most women lump together the sensations of anxiety, worry, and fear into one feeling and don’t differientiate them.

Fear is helpful and safety-oriented whereas worry and anxiety are not helpful and related to phantom ‘possible’ events that often don’t happen. To that degree, worry and anxiety are distracting away from real fear signals that could help her.

In the book which is now a classic on predicting harmful behavior in others, Gavin deBecker in ‘The Gift of Fear’ delineates the difference between what we need fear FOR and what we DONT need anxiety and worry for. In some ways, the ability to use fear correctly while stopping the use of anxiety and worry may do much to curtail PTSD symptoms.

deBecker who is not a therapist but a Danger Anaylst has done what other therapists haven’t even done–nix PTSD symptoms of anxiety and worry by focusing on true fear and it’s necessity versus anxiety and it’s faux meaning to us.

The term fear was used by Freud (in contrast to anxiety), to refer to the reaction to real danger. Freud emphasized the difference between fear and anxiety in terms of their relation to danger:

~ Anxiety is a state characterized by the expectation and preparation for a danger–even if it’s unknown ~

~ While fear implies a specific object to be feared in the here/now. ~

(Anxiety is: ‘He MIGHT harm me’ where fear is: “He IS harming me with his fist, words, actions, etc.”)

If you heard there was a weapon proven to prevent most crimes (including picking a dangerous partner) before it happened, would you run out and buy it? World-renowned security expert Gavin deBecker says this weapon exists,but you already have it. He calls it “the gift of fear.”

The story of a woman named Kelly begins with a simple warning sign. A man offers to help carry her groceries into her apartment—and instantly, Kelly doesn’t like the sound of his voice. Kelly goes against her gut and lets him help her—and in doing so, she lets a rapist into her home.


“We get a signal prior to violence,” Gavin says. “There are preincident indicators. Things that happen before violence occurs.” Gavin says that unlike any other living creature, humans will sense danger, yet still walk right into it.

“You’re in a hallway waiting for an elevator late at night. The elevator door opens, and there’s a guy inside, and he makes you afraid. You don’t know why, you don’t know what it is. And many women will stand there and look at that guy and say, ‘Oh, I don’t want to think like that. I don’t want to be the kind of person who lets the door close in his face. I’ve got to be nice. I don’t want him to think I’m not nice.’

And so human beings will get into a steel soundproof chamber with someone they’re afraid of, and there’s not another animal in nature that would even consider it.”

Gavin says that “eerie feelings” is exactly what he wants women to pay attention to. “We’re trying to analyze the warning signs,” he says. “And what I really want to teach today and forever is the feeling of the warning sign. All the other stuff is our explanation for the feeling. Why it was this, why it was that. The feeling itself IS the warning sign.”

What happens over and over again is that women dismantle their OWN internal safety system by ignoring it. The longer she ignores it, the more ‘over rides’ it receives and retrains the brain to ignore the fear signal. Once rewired women are at tremendous risks of all kinds…risks of picking the wrong men, of squelching fear signals of impending violence, shutting off alarms about potential sexual assaults, shutting down red flags about financial rip offs, squeeking out hints about poor character in other people…and the list goes on. What is left after your whole entire safety system is dismantled? Not much….

Women, subconsciously sensing they need to have ‘something’ to fall back on, swap out true and profoundly accurate fear signals with the miserly counterfeit and highly unproductive feeling of worry/anxiety.

LADIES– WRONG FEELING!

Then they end up in counseling for their 4th dangerous relationship and wonder if they have a target sign on their forehead. No they don’t. They have learned to dismantle, rename, minimize, justify, or deny the fear signals they get or got in the relationship. As if their ability to ‘take it’ or ‘not be afraid’ of very dangerous behavior is some sort of win for them. As if their ability to look danger in the face and STAY means they are as tough or competitive as he is…

No–it means they have a fear signal that no longer saves them. Their barely stuttering signal means it’s been over-ridden by her. She felt it, labeled it, and released it all the while staring eye-to-eye with what she should fear most.

Then later, or another day or week passes and she has mounting anxiety–over what she wonders? She has a chronic low grade worry, whisps of anxiety that waife thru her life. She can’t put 2+2 together to figure out that ignoring true fear will demand to be recognized by her subconscious in some way—an illegitimate way through worry and anxiety that does nothing to save her from real danger. Her real ally (her true fear) has been squelched and banished.

When coming to us for counseling she wants us to help her ‘feel safe’ again when actually, we can’t do any of that. It’s all in her internal system as it’s always been. Her safety is inside her and her future healing is too.

She will sit in the counselor’s office denying true fear and begging for relief from the mounting anxiety she is experiencing. She doesn’t trust herself, her intuition, her judgments–all she can feel is anxiety. And with good reason! True fear is her true intuition…not anxiety. But she’s already canned what can save her and now on some level she must know she has nothing left that can help her feel and react.

Animals instinctively react to the danger signal–the adrenaline, flash of fear, and flood of cortisol. They don’t have internal dialogue with themselves like “What did that mean? Why did he say that? I don’t like that behavior—I wonder if he was abused as a child.”

An animal is trained to have a natural reaction to the fear signal–they run. You don’t see animals ‘stuck’ in abusive mating environments! In nature, as in us, we are wired with the King of Comments which is the danger signal. When we respond to the flash of true fear, we aren’t left having a commentary with ourselves.


“The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination.” – John Schaar

Sandra L. Brown, M.A. is the Founder and CEO of The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education.  She is the author of several best selling books, including How to Spot a Dangerous Man and Why Women Love Psychopaths. www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com

Documentation of Abuse

By Heidi Hiatt

Typing furiously before he got home, I decided to make another copy. I cut the entire document, many months of notes, from the hard drive and pasted it on the disc whirring in its slot.

At that point I knew that a record of all of the threats, all of the frightening behavior, and my fears on what he was planning had to exist in multiple copies. I had to be sure that someone knew what really happened if I was unable to speak for myself.

Before ejecting the disc, I checked it to be sure the file was on there. Wait—this had to be a mistake. It wasn’t. I went back to the hard drive. I clicked paste again to see if pages upon pages of information would reappear.

It didn’t.

In my haste to get everything off of the computer before 7:00, I had erred and wiped out every bit of information that I’d been saving to get help. When the prosecutor became involved, they tried to recover the data from the disc, but it was long gone.

That incident made me more careful about saving important information that we may need later. It illustrated the importance of having multiple copies of such notes and the need to keep them in more than one place.

Today I want to emphasize how important it is to create and properly store documentation when something in your life doesn’t seem right.

There isn’t a criteria for what should and shouldn’t be saved. You don’t have to be able to prove something in a court of law to justify writing it down. You just have to trust your gut instinct that you need to be keeping a record of what’s going on.

There are many reasons to document what’s going on in your life. You may be experiencing emotional abuse, which frequently escalates. Maybe you are being falsely accused. Perhaps your partner is physically or sexually assaulting you, or things just aren’t adding up.

You may suspect that your partner is being unfaithful. Your spouse’s former partner may be stalking or harassing you. Your partner may be minimizing or excusing someone else’s behavior when it alarms you, or is making you feel like you’re the crazy one.

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

If someone’s behavior is scaring you or making you uncomfortable, you don’t have to justify that anxiety to anyone. Something’s not right.

As security expert Gavin de Becker says in his must-read bestseller The Gift of Fear, “intuition is always right in at least two important ways; it is always in response to something. It always has your best interest at heart.” He also reminds readers that denial is a save now, pay later scheme.

If things don’t seem right in your life, just start writing. It’s that simple. It is important that you make a permanent record of the events that you sense as “off.”

Don’t be a perfectionist about it. Whether you jot down three sentences on a calendar about what happened on a given day, or you take twenty minutes every night to maintain a detailed diary, just let it flow. It’s unlikely that you’d feel motivated to do it if something wasn’t wrong.

I prefer a free-flowing journal format in which I state the facts and then add how I feel. It is important to record facts and who witnessed the same things. If you need a court order or you have to protect your children in a child custody case, the judge is going to be more keyed into material presented to them as facts than feelings.

It is also important to record your feelings. You might be surprised at how deeply you have been hurt, or how bothered you actually are, when you start letting it out. In this way journaling your circumstances not only protects you, it is therapeutic because it lets the poisons festering inside of you drain out.

Be specific in your entries. Let it all out. Don’t write as if you’re going to be embarrassed about it later. Tell people there’s no way you’d commit suicide, so if that’s suspected, they should investigate until they find out the truth.

If someone’s deception led to rape or medical problems, if your partner was having an affair, and no matter what mistakes you might have made, be sure it’s all there. Honesty is the best policy.

If you won’t do this for your own sake, then do it for your kids, your significant other, or other people who may be hurt by the questionable behavior. Abuse and stalking never affect just one person. You are probably not the only victim of that stalker or abuser, and you may have the opportunity to stop them from doing it to others.

If you are being abused—whether it’s emotional, physical, or both—DO NOT let your partner know that you are keeping those records. There may be times where you want to pull the document out and read to them how you feel, but you have no guarantees that they will ever be sincere about changing their behavior.

If you are keeping tabs on a third party who is trying to harm your relationship or is causing you fear, your partner may be well aware that you are keeping records, but not agree on how to handle that person. Keep a copy hidden from them anyway. Some people’s loyalty shifts like sand dunes in a hurricane.

If you are the family member of someone who is being used, stalked, or making bad choices, you might want to keep your own journal. Your relative doesn’t need to know about it. It might be your “just in case” plan.

You might see your loved one engaged in a relationship that is sure to take them off a cliff at some point. You may notice that they seem oblivious to the consequences of their choices. Write it down. Your prudence could help save a life.

If the information you want to keep is digital, like a photo or information on the internet, and there’s no clear “save as” option, press your “alt” and “print screen” buttons at the same time, then paste it into a Word document. You can also print it.

Because electronic information can be easily replicated, I prefer to save things to CD, DVD, and/or an external hard drive. While it is wise to keep certain original documents, you can keep copies of receipts and medical records by scanning them into your computer. You can also make, save, and duplicate audio and video material.

If the person harming you has access to your computer, you should be very careful about this. They can track your internet usage, rifle through the recycle bin, or maybe even be tech savvy enough to recover files you’ve deleted. You may want to use a library, work, or friend’s computer instead.

For some good information on how to protect yourself, check out Susan Murphy Milano’s book Time’s Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships, http://www.amazon.com/Times-Up-Abusive-Stalking-Relationships/dp/1608443604.

DO NOT STORE THESE DOCUMENTS AT HOME, OR SOLELY AT HOME. I cannot emphasize that enough. Do not keep records of such value in an obvious place. Ensure that if your home is broken into or destroyed, or if your computer is stolen, your tormentors won’t have access to your files. You always have to be three steps ahead of them.

Because a safety deposit box is an obvious choice, you may want to give or mail CDs to people who’ve proven their trust and loyalty for safekeeping. You could give them a small locked box that you ask them not to open in case you are incapacitated, missing, or deceased.

There’s also off-site electronic storage so that you can transmit and update such information over the web. But I advise keeping hard copies in places and with people that are not easily suspected anyway.

Maybe you have a relative 3000 miles away who could keep your files without looking at them, or you have not just people but hiding places that trusted friends will know about.

The bottom line is to be sure that trusted friends or family members, your attorney, and/or your executor know how to find this information if something happens. It is important that more than one person knows where to find your off-site records in case of emergency.

You can have this written into your will. My will is set up so that certain documentation will be automatically disseminated to multiple entities, government and otherwise, about several situations if I expire prematurely. An adequate attorney can help you put your instructions in concrete.

You must structure this life and the next in such a way that no one will get away with harming you or your family. So no matter what happens, the truth will come out, and what the perpetrators have dished out will come back on them a hundredfold.

Even if your abuser works in the legal system, that information doesn’t have to be released to the legal system only, or at all. You can arrange for the truth to be sent to people in the media, politicians, family members, acquaintances, or activists.

Chapter 4 in Susan Murphy Milano’s Time’s Up workbook details how to create an increasingly popular means of documenting abuse, an Evidentiary Will and Abuse Affidavit. As she says, this information isn’t supposed to scare you, but protect you.

An Evidentiary Will and Abuse Affidavit is a notarized document and video documenting the truth to be kept in a secure location. It is not a substitute for taking steps to protect yourself in the here and now, but an added layer of insurance.

Here is an example of the video portion of an Evidentiary Will and Abuse Affidavit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9uGnrtwK3Q

Documenting abusive, suspicious, or inappropriate behavior is advisable for men and women, the dating or married. Our society sometimes forgets that men can be victims of these trials and deceptions as well because women are abused more often than men.

Any violation of your personal boundaries is unacceptable no matter who you are. Please protect yourself—and those you love—by keeping detailed records, which helps you beat your abusers and accusers at their own sick game. You can—and should—come out on top.

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Stalking is a frequently misunderstood and belittled concept. I’d like to highlight a definition of stalking that I found for a term paper on the subject.

One of the most comprehensive definitions of stalking in modern academic literature is “a course of conduct directed at a specific person that involves repeated physical or visual proximity, nonconsensual communication, or verbal, written, or implied threats sufficient to cause fear in a reasonable person”

Stalking is not simply following someone home from work, or making repeated phone calls. It can be any repeated behavior that places someone else in fear or violates their boundaries.

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One of the greatest sorrows of human existence is that some people aren’t happy merely to be alive but find their happiness only in the misery of others.
–Dean Koontz

The Two-Faces of Steve Nodine; Politician and accused murderer of Angel Downs

GOOD	EVIL
Served on Alabama Sentencing Commission	Accused Murderer
Politician- Family Values Platform	Liar - impeached
Condemned Clinton for womanizing	Adulterer
Worked with aides babies	Drug and Alcohol Abuser
Help seniors and firemen	Batterer
US Army Serviceman	Stalker
Friend of Alexander Haig	Thief
Father and Husband	Neglectful
Prayer requests	Non-church attendee - hypocrite

Steve Nodine, "The Hammer" was cocked and fired allegedly killed long time girlfriend, Angel Downs, on Mother’s Day at her home in Gulf Shores.

More women are victimized at their home by their intimate partners and killed with firearms than all other means combined. Jurors expect domestic violence victims to accept responsibility and leave batterers. Most murders occur when that happens and we know Angel Downs was trying to end the abusive relationship with Stephen Nodine.

We struggle to understand the offender’s motives and ask, “Why did he do it?” Some comment Steve Nodine was a “good man,” he did much to help the Mobile community. He did his job as County Commissioner well. It is a societal myth that niceness cannot coexist with violence, or evil; consequently the “good” guy must not be a murderer.

I would like to point out that all of Steve Nodine’s pro-social “goodness” has in fact benefited him each time. Being “good” was his best camouflage. This was how he manipulated the public and his victims by being “good”. The good deeds are so the public vouches for his trustworthiness. His victims are then lulled into trusting him because he is “good.”

Angel lost her life because of her trusting him. She had lived through many other attacks by this batterer and he escaped arrest, when law enforcement was called to intervene, by using his “good service” as County Commissioner.

Repetitious physical assaults of the past relationship were accelerated and even justified allegedly by Nodine, because of the termination attempted by Angel. “What’s past is prologue” (William Shakespeare, The Tempest, Act II, Scene I).

When a woman is repeatedly battered, yet unable to flee the traumatic situation even when escape is apparent and possible, the result is learned helplessness.

Battering and stalking by definition are not static but an evolving, continual and progressive crime. Requiring a “course of conduct” over a period of time demonstrating a continuity of purpose. Nodine allegedly repeated the harassing, threatening and abusive behavior to give the appearance of power and control.

• Prior threats/violence with current victim and prior victim
• Prior stalking behaviors
• Criminal history
• Mental disorder or mental illness history
• Drug/alcohol abuse
• Weapons possession/use/access to
• Threatened suspect
• Presence or absence of inhibitors (inhibitors are factors that may prevent the suspect from acting out violently. I.e., family, friends, job, health, reputation, etc.)
• Proximity to significant dates, such as anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, etc.

We now have the facts that Steve Nodine has two faces. One for the public and the other, his true face he kept somewhat hidden. Steve Nodine is a skillful manipulator, he and his defense will try to focus on Angel Downs’s behavior not his. He may say it was an accident. It will be up to the prosecution to expose all signs of planning in Nodine’s behavior. Hopefully the jurors will find Nodine has committed acts that are abhorrent and anti-social, rather than engage in victim blaming of Angel Downs.

Why did he do it? Steve Nodine’s character traits motivate his offenses. We know from public records Nodine has an alleged criminal, narcissistic, or otherwise interpersonally-and-socially-compromised personality, he can be motivated to offend for a variety of reasons. He may lack the internal barriers that prevent offending, like guilt, remorse, empathy, or compassion. He may maintain a belief system, which devalues the rights of others and overvalues his rights. Nodine's evil face shows alleged indifferent to the pain, suffering, injury or humiliation of others. He may also feel the rules of society don’t apply to him, as his womanizing, pill-popping, pot smoking, stalking, battering and general unlawfulness seems to support.

Angel Downs knew Steve Nodine’s evil face and she had tried to expose and escape it. He did not want to lose control of her and possibly all he had worked for, if this came out. There were already nicks in his shining public armor from his drug arrest.

Did he try to prove he really was “good” and take her to the beach she loved on Mother’s Day? Maybe he feigned to say good-bye and end it? Did he leave his wallet at her house on purpose? Did he call her? Asking her to bring his wallet out to the truck? Did he then shoot her in the head?

Nodine has already began his "sympathy" defense which includes his less than ideal childhood, his absent father, brother with a brain injury, sister who was run over, mother who worked 3 jobs, and a bad hip, He has been victim blaming Angel telling Doctors she had a Romeo and Juliet death wish. Funny he didn't hear the shots fired (though the neighbors did) nor did he stop to help her. According to his phone records the only time he isn't talking or texting is the 60 mins after Angel's murder. Emails released show Nodine to be a batterer using his badge to intimidate and his addiction pushing over the edge. (Check out Peter Hyatt's statement analysis of emails) Angel was deathly afraid of him and even dreamed of him killing her.

Steve Nodine’s most powerful tool he will use in his defense is to be “good.” A “good man” doesn’t fit society’s image of a murderer. Society also wants them to be strangers. The fact is: MOST ARE NOT. “Goodness” is a powerful weapon. When someone is good, it is difficult to confront him or mistrust him.

Nodine’s camouflaged “goodness” has fallen apart. His character witnesses have been proven to be either near-strangers or alleged criminals. Nodine is trying to rely on societal biases and stereotypes about, “murderers.”

Look at the above chart contrasting Nodine’s “good” behavior against his "evil" behavior. Remember he is counting on society to perpetuate that niceness cannot coexist with violence, or evil; consequently the “good” guy must not be guilty of the alleged murder of Angel Downs.

Hopefully prosecutors will be able to expose Nodine and portray the so called “good” guy” as the evil murderer they allege he is.

Sadly Nodine has recently been released on bail. Hopefully not for long.

Friends of Steve Nodine

Nodine's attorneys are solicitating funds using photo's of Nodine's 13 year old son (many photos were when Nodine was having affair with Angel Downs) and President George W. Bush and various other politicians for Nodine's defense. He never mentions it is for MURDER. The site is called FriendsofSteveNodine.com and Paypal is the choice of payment as no local bank would agree to open a defense fund for Nodine.

Join us on Facebook as we Support Justice for Angel Downs.

Listen to the Dana Pretzer show on Scared Monkeys Radio with special guests WKRG Reporter Jessica Taloney and famous True Crime Author Diane Fanning discuss the Angel Downs murder case on 6/13/2010.

CRIMEWIRE 6/22/2010 at 8pm discusses the Nodine case with expert Peter Hyatt statement analysis of Caylee Anthony and Susan Smith fame. Along with Mobile journalist Kevin Lee of Lagniappe. Along with the rest of the expert team Dennis Griffin, Vito Collucci and Susan Murphy-Milano. you may listen on-line, podcast or call in to listen or contribute at (646) 478-0982

Steve Nodine on Dipity.

References

1. Adams, D. Why Do They Kill? Men Who Murder Their Intimate Partners. Nashville, TN: Vanderbilt University Press, 2007.
2. When Men Murder Women: An Analysis of Homicide Data Sept 2009 www.vpc.org
3. Bible, A., and A. Weigl. “Cries of Abuse Unheeded, Assaults Rise to Murders.” News and Observer [Raleigh, NC], May 18-20, 2003, quoted in A. Klein, The Criminal Justice Response to Domestic Violence. Belmont, CA: Thomson/Wadsworth, 2004: 139.
4. Block, C. “Risk Factors for Death or Life-Threatening Injury for Abused Women in Chicago.” Final report for National Institute of Justice, grant number 96-IJ-CX-0020. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, National Institute of Justice, 2004, NCJ 199732. http://www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/abstract.aspx?ID=199732
5. de Becker, G. The Gift of Fear. Boston, MA: Little, Brown & Co., 1997, NCJ 177216 http://www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/abstract.aspx?ID=177216
6. Greenfeld, L., and M. Zawitz. Weapons Offenses and Offenders. Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, November 1995, NCJ 155284. http://www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/abstract.aspx?ID=155284
7. Macmillan, R., and C. Kruttschnitt. “Patterns of Violence Against Women: Risk Factors and Consequences.” Final report for National Institute of Justice, grant number 2002-IJ- CX-0011. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, National Institute of Justice, August 2004, NCJ 208346 http://www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/abstract.aspx?ID=208346

The Empowerment Of Understanding Fear - Don't Allow It To Steal Your Dreams

By Anny Jacoby

Whether you get stung by a bee or simply watch as a friend gets stung, you might start to run and hide every time a bee buzzes across your path. Why do you do this? It turns out that your brain areas that respond when fear is learned through personal experience are also triggered when we see someone else afraid. This definitely explains why some people are afraid of things like spiders and snakes despite little contact with them.

You learn fear by observing other people's emotional expressions that can be as effective as having direct experiences yourself. This certainly explains one of the reasons why a lot of people have phobias of certain kinds of stimuli, such as rape, assault, abuse, stalking, abduction and much more. Just the thought of the aforementioned makes individuals extremely uncomfortable and justly so.

Fear is defined as an emotional response to an unknown or impending danger or as in expectation of harm or evil. Fear can create feelings of apprehension, anxiety, alarm, dread, fright or terror. When you are in fear, you are scared of someone, something or a potential outcome.

We all experience fear at one point in time or another. Actually, fear is a great way to keep us from hurting ourselves. Fear keeps us from putting our hand on the hot burner of the stove. It keeps us from jumping from high places, or leaves us tentative when going into a darkened room. These types of fears are good. They keep us safe. They make us think before we do, knowing full well the potential outcome and repercussions of our actions.

We can experience fear of closed in spaces such as elevators, afraid of the water or flying in airplanes. Fear is a reaction or response to some previous life experience or trauma or even the thought of any potential dangerous situation. Fear can impact us in many ways and it can steal our dreams. The bottom line is.......fear takes away our choices. It can keep us from doing the things we want or need to do for ourselves. It limits us, constrains us and can end up ruling our lives. It can consume our energy and enjoyment of life, leaving us experiencing additional unexplainable stress, frustration or feeling just plain stuck in the mud.

Being in or living in fear is all about choices. You can choose to move forward, or you can choose to stand still marking time.

Fear does not have to be a "freeze" mechanism that prevents a beneficial reaction. One must decide what frightens you more - being dominated, injured or killed by an assailant/batterer, or taking a risk and fighting back. You may hurt yourself somehow by protecting yourself against your assailant, his knife might nick your ear, a bullet from his gun may graze your head, or you might end up with bruises and your body sore; but you're chance of being alive is much greater than not. Learning personal safety (realistic self-defense) mentally and physically is a means to escape and ultimate survival. If you are too scared to react defensively and decide to remain under an assailant's control - he will have his way with you. Your mind can be more dangerous than your assailant. You must turn your fear into an effective reaction thus allowing yourself to be empowered.

Psychological fear leads to doubt and hesitation. Unchecked it can result in anxiety and/or panic. When you begin to doubt yourself you start to think, "What if I lose?", "What if I get hurt?". Thoughts of this sort must be eliminated from your vocabulary. You must remain positive, assertive and focus on the ability to motivate yourself=empowerment.

Miraculous things happen to those who consciously choose to overcome your fears and embrace them. You gain certainty in your safety skills, abilities and downfalls.

What do you fear? Perhaps it's time to turn on the light and step through the door of empowerment.

"Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out."

-----Karl A. Menninger

Take care and STAY SAFE!