Battle Fatigue: The War for Peace

By: Todd Blumhorst

We have been thrown blindly into a war in which we never wanted to fight. They entered our lives like a thief in the dark; they not only took our loved one, they also made a declaration of war upon our souls. Did they not expect us to react when they took our loved one from us? Did they think we would sit idly by and watch justice slip away? This was your Pearl Harbor, a blind attack from nowhere. You weren’t prepared for the horror, but you were forced to fight.

Sometimes it is a short battle for justice where someone is caught and the criminal justice system is able to secure a conviction and the person is sent away for a long time. Other times, it can be a very long and drawn out ordeal for those survivors seeking justice for their loved ones. For those cases that go unresolved for years, the toll on the survivors is devastatingly painful to endure. These battles can also have multiple fronts and you may feel like you are fighting in many directions. The perpetrator may be free and you battle the fear of retaliation. You may have a case that simply lacks any viable physical evidence; a battle with frustration can wear on one’s soul. In some cases, the police don’t work the case as they should for a myriad of reasons; the battle of apathy can be one of the most vicious on the survivors. How does one engage in these battles for months and years? How does one find peace when justice is absent? How do you maintain sanity in an insane situation? These are questions many survivors have asked many times before.

My war started on Thursday, September 20, 1990 in Mendota, Illinois when my sister vanished without a trace. She disappeared in a 25 foot span of space from our garage, where she parked upon returning home from work, to our home. In the initial investigation it was found that her boyfriend made self-incriminating statements that indicated he had murdered my sister. His comments could not constitute a confession because no body was found and there were no signs of struggle. The first front in my war was established. As her case made its way through the trenches of the legal system many mistakes were made and her case became political. Her case suffered further battle wounds as did the hearts of those who loved Veronica. Now I had 2 battle fronts going in this war. The case drug out for an inordinate length of time and we often went years with no word from the police but they would always say her case was being investigated actively when they were questioned about the progress. In 2004 a new investigator was placed in charge of her case, my 3rd battlefront was established. The new investigator dated my sister at one point and we as a family felt there was a conflict of interest since there was a relationship between the victim and the investigator. Rumors had spread around town that he was possibly involved in her murder which added to the stress of this war. I am still in the trenches of this war 21 years and four months later, I continue in my fight for justice for my sister.

Today, I consider myself a battle scarred veteran of this 21 year war. The devastatingly sad part is that I am not alone; there are tens of thousands in my position. We suffer from battle fatigue from our individual wars. Our scars are not visible on the outside; but if you could see our souls, then the scars would be blatantly obvious. We walk around as wounded warriors and many walk past us with no awareness of our wounds. How do we survive? How do we survive this war? How do we find peace when there is no justice? Survivor battle fatigue can wear one out both physically and emotionally. It can manifest into physical ailments and a high percentage of survivors suffer from chronic illnesses. The psychological trauma often has the power to change thought patterns and beliefs as well as the increase of psychological disorders such as PTSD and a state of constant hyper vigilance.

There is no easy answer to these quandaries many survivors face. The trenches of this war are filled with perils and obstacles. The only way to really get through this war is one day at a time. You are going to have many bad days, but you will also have good days. Realizing you don’t have a lot of control at this point is difficult to face, but it is the reality. Adding to your battle wounds by beating yourself up over areas you cannot control is a common survivor problem. Letting go of things out of your control will help you manage emotions much easier and it will reduce stress on your mind and body. Nature can be an effective healer to the human spirit; immersing yourself in the tranquility of nature will allow your mind to rest some from the busy world around you and give you a moment of peace. Cherishing those brief moments of peace is beneficial to your soul because it keeps hope for longer periods of peace alive. Helping others can help rebuild that human connection and trust; it can even be small acts of kindness that help ease your mind.

There is no magic trick that will ever totally erase the pain you feel from the devastating loss you have experienced. It is truly a battle in which you have been forced to face, but peace is possible. You will never be the same person and you will have a new reality to live in, but building new bridges and connections are essential for survival. If you are having debilitating psychological issues years after the homicide, you may also need to seek a professional for help. It is not a sign of weakness to see a professional; it is a sign of strength. Time alone will not heal your wounds; it is what you do with that time that matters. Your life was changed forever on that date but you made it through the ordeal, you may be badly scarred, but you have survived. Abraham Lincoln once said: “I am not concerned that you have fallen; I am concerned that you arise.” Mustering the strength to rise can be monumental, but it is possible.

Todd J. Blumhorst, Advocate,
Assistant Volunteer Coordinator

Homicide Survivors Inc.
32 N. Stone Ave. #1408
Tucson, Az. 85701

520.740.5729
azhomicidesurvivors.org

A Shared Journey

By Anita Sullivan

I didn’t set out to be an advocate for anyone. When I was little I wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. When I was a bit older I wanted to be a marine biologist. I wanted to be a Mom. I wanted to be a wife. I went to college and wanted to be a sports administrator. I got involved in ministry and wanted to share God’s love with others. But it was really still all about me. It was about what I wanted to do, where I saw my life going. I had it good, and thought I should share that with others.

I hit a few bumps in the road, faced some challenges. So I thought I might even be able to tell people how to get past them like I had.

So I began seeking meaningful work. I spent two years working with women in a domestic violence shelter and leading volunteers in a sexual assault response team. I spent night after night advocating for women in hospital emergency rooms, leaving exhausted and spent, but appreciative of the place I had in their lives in that moment. I learned even more from the women I worked with, who had chosen to become advocates, unlike me who had stumbled upon a job out of need. They were tough. They were sometimes mean. It became a little less about me, but still it was a job.

I then spent some time working with families in a supervised visitation program, training volunteers and observing families in need. Then I moved on to the business of cancer, advocating for patients in the community. But I found that the job was all about the business, there were already a lot of advocates, and as jobs went, it was pretty tough. Not really for me. It was still about me, but I knew it shouldn’t be just about me, and I didn’t think I was making a difference for anyone there. God kept growing my heart to want to do something real. But it was still about what I wanted to do.

So I took a break from the non-profit jobs. I thought that I’d figure it out while having a job that was just that, a job. And I’d focus for a while on my family. See, while I was busy finding jobs to advocate for people (good jobs going good work), I was advocating almost daily for my husband who battles a rare chronic illness. But I didn’t know what I wanted to do, that was just something I had to do. So the plan was to keep sharing my love for people through involvement at church, and keep figuring it out.

Five short months later, I again was forced into something I didn’t want to do. Much like facing my husband’s illness, I couldn’t go home from the job and relax. On June 26, 2007 I became an advocate for my brother, the day he went missing from my home. Michael “Austin” Davis was 26 and depressed, and I was silenced at first- by my own fear and guilt. But I spoke. Then, eventually I learned to speak for others too. To ask for help for us all. It was no longer about me. It was no longer a job. I still speak for my brother because he can’t, and for my family because sometimes they can’t. I speak for our community of missing to anyone who will listen because I can, and over time I’ve found that all the time I spent up until now was God preparing my heart for these days.


Years ago, I thought I might share with people how they might get past the bumps like I had. Today my message is much different. Today I offer instead that people climb the mountains and trudge the valleys alongside me, and together we can lean on each other, and I might be able to share some hope along the way. Today I no longer know so much about what I want to do or how I may be used, but I know that God may use me, and I’m open to that. And no matter what type of journey you’re on, no matter your situation, we can support each other.

Today as I start the journey of blogging on Time’s Up, that’s what I have to offer you. A shared journey.

Anita Sullivan is the sister of a missing person, and long time advocate of victims, even before having a personal connection to the world of lost. During college,Anita found a passion for helping others and was involved in a variety of ministries. She then started a career in non-profit, first working with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. She went on to work with at risk families through a supervised visitation program before spending several years in fundraising and advocacy. She now tries to reach people with a message of Hope through writing and speaking, while honoring her brother, Michael "Austin" Davis, who has been missing since 2007. To learn more about Anita, visit her at losingaustin.blogspot.com.

Seven Students Arrested in SAT Scandal: An Unfavorable Score for Us All

By Pamela Chapman

I don’t know how many times in recent months I have talked to dear friends and associates about current events in our nation only to receive the same answer every time, “I don’t watch the news anymore. It’s too depressing.”

This is absolutely true. It is incredibly depressing. Here’s just a few of the headlines as I write this piece: Secret Government Banks Financing More Solyndras, Massive Search Underway for Endangered Girl, Disaster Recovery Projects in Limbo Despite Senate Budget Deal, Death Toll Rises to 13 in Listeria Outbreak, the Deadliest in a Decade.

By the time this piece is completed, edited and posted the above will not be news. It will not be current events but a stream of senseless mishaps of the past. Unfortunately, for many more, they will be events not ever known.

I used to be one of those people who believed if I watched the news, I would be flooded with negativity and not able to function for the day. I believed that the news of the day was bad energy, bad karma, and no good thing would come to me. Not knowing how to protect and cleanse myself from the negative energy, I believed I was doomed if I listened to what the media was reporting.

Today, I have come to learn how to protect myself. And, I now believe it has been a concentrated ploy to bombard us with huge doses of negativity so that we first become desensitized and then we simply turn off and choose to ignore the calamities of our neighbors, the senseless wars taking our children’s lives, and the severe level of depravity our nation and our world has reached.

I now believe that it was a plan to detach us, isolate us, leave us ignorant and ill informed so that the powers that be can easily invade and infect our simple little lives and we would be clueless but oh so happy and so enlightened. And while I could write my rant today about any of the tragedies and calamities we have chosen to ignore in the headlines the last few days, I write today about our youth. It is the story of the declining values of our youth that tug at my heart.

Only a few short weeks ago a group called The Barna Group (serving the information needs of the church by offering statistics, resources, seminars and custom research on current cultural and spiritual trends) reported “…nearly 50% of young adults surveyed said ethics and morals are based on ‘what is right for the person.’ The new study shows a significant divide between the nation's young adults and its older residents.” Well, I’m not too sure about the significant divide but what I do know is we, adults, have chosen to give up and check out.

On September 28, 2011 headlines read, Seven Student’s Arrested in SAT Scandal. The article went on to read,  “Sam Eshaghoff, 19, of Great Neck was arraigned on charges of scheming to defraud, criminal impersonation and falsifying business records, according to the Nassau County District Attorney's Office…. The six students whom Eshaghoff stood in for, names not disclosed because of their ages, were arrested on misdemeanor charges.”

With all the crap going on in our nation why did this one tug on my heart? Why am I not upset about our economy? Truly, I am but what upsets me more is we have turned off to what is happening to our societal youth and turned on to Facebook, Twatter, as called by one of my evening drama-series characters, and other mind-numbing, time-consuming social media, online games and distractions while life as we know it is quickly eroding.

Am I disappointed with what I believe to be the decline of morals and ethics? Yes! But that is where each and every man will have to give account for his own soul. What I am more perturbed about is the fact we have failed our youth. We have failed to show them right from wrong. We have failed to be the models of good behavior. We have failed allowing Dr. Spock to tell us to reason with our toddlers. We have failed allowing government to take control away from us, the parent, who works as a slave to give their child everything they need and more.

We have failed in teaching our children to respect authority while the government, the police and the justice system, now teach. We have failed to chastise for fear of an on-looker, who has never had the royal opportunity of being a parent, turning us in to Social Services.

So on Wednesday, September 28, 2011 police officers of Great Neck, New York walked into college arresting Mr. Eshaghoff to teach him right from wrong. Eshaghoff had sat in for six high-school students receiving thousands of dollars. The six high-school students were arrested and charged with misdemeanors.  You can read the FOX News report here (http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/09/27/7-new-york-students-caught-in-alleged-sat-cheating-ring/).  When a news reporter asked a fellow college student about the incident his remark with a huge grin on his face, “It’s a great business.”

What have we become? I’ll give you a few suggestions.  We have become a nation whose values are compromised, weakened and then compromised some more. We have become a society where right has become politically incorrect and wrong is the acceptable trend. We have become a society where intrinsic values are shunned at the expense of our children—a nation where our children are the sacrifice upon the altars—the abomination of abominations.

While there is still time, let us once again, truly engage our children’s lives—loving teaching, and nurturing. Let us not be afraid to teach them right from wrong or discipline them with love in love. Let us not be afraid to read, research and comb the pages for truth so we are an informed people knowing exactly who and what agencies want to slowly strip away the intrinsic values of this nation.

Individuals, who give their power over to any person or group, any trend, at anytime who follow the herds of comfortable and complacent zombies eventually wind up with what they deserve—victimization and a lost society that ultimately perishes.

When I was a little girl, my wise dad, a WW II Veteran, used to say, “Daughter, America won’t be taken by an outside enemy, she’ll collapse from within.” I would laugh, of course. America had its problems, but it was strong; it was still the land of the free and home of the brave. However, four decades later, if we fail to provide integrity-filled modeling for our children showing what is right, wrong, good and evil; if we continue to model money as our all powerful God, I’m afraid my dad’s words will become prophetic. And that my friend, is an unfavorable score for us all.

Pamela Chapman is Founder of iAscend Programs, an author and certified life coach who has worked extensively with victim services organizations and advocated for many years.  She now spends her time writing and traveling, living each day as a new adventure!  Her latest blog is You Are Not A Victim