Friday, August 20, 2010

The Way You Lie!

By Gayle Crabtree
Keeping our children safe includes talking with them about domestic violence. We have to also get them to understand that songs like “Love the Way You Lie” with Rhianna and Chris Brown is just wrong in my opinion.
"What are Rihanna and Eminem really saying with the song "I Love the Way You Lie"? Domestic violence is wrong even though this video indicates otherwise. I'd love to know wouldn't you? While we're at it I'd love to know what Dominic Monaghan and Megan Fox were thinking when they created the video. 

For those of you who haven't seen this piece of junk it's on YouTube right now. Be warned before you watch it. The video is graphic and raw. It could have been used to condemn domestic violence instead it condones it. Listeners and viewers get the impression that it's ok to beat women. Even worse, the title "I Love the Way You Lie" hints that women like to be beaten."

The raw graphics and violent scenes are as disturbing as the lyrics. Something even more shocking lingers underneath. This song, “Love the Way You Lie” is already a hit. This means that even more kids will get the idea that domestic violence is ok.
Video for “Love the Way You Lie”is on YouTube. The song’s lyrics are online. Beware before you read/watch this. The violent scenes of domestic violence are as disturbing as the lyrics.
One of the last lines of the song is about tying a woman to the bed and setting the house on fire around her. Then, “Love the Way You Lie” goes a step farther. It gives the impression that women like being abused.
Do our kids needed to be influenced by this garbage? Talk to them about this song. Tell them that domestic violence is wrong now. Make the message that no one likes or deserves to be abused unmistakable.
There are people who can help you start the conversation. The can help. No one deserves to be hit or abused. Call 1.800.799 SAFE to get help.
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  1. The message is just not clear. The video is horrible. It is my fear that it is "glamorizing" domestic abuse situations and far worse...due to the "glamor" it may desensitize our youth. The language is inappropriate and while I understand the motivating factor behind the video was supposed to bring awareness to abuse, I believe it failed. Four thumbs-down from me. Shame because the actual music and the vocals, if different words used, could have been a nice song.

  2. The unfortunate part about this message is that I'm a survivor and I relate to this message very clearly and I know other survivors do as well...However, the song says NOTHING about how inappropriate Domestic Violence is...the effects it has on women and children and therefore by proving as another way to society to make DOMESTIC VIOLENCE acceptable and the Status Quo or NORM.

  3. First of all, the second line of Ms. Crabtree's articles reads "understand that songs
    like “Love the Way You Lie” with Rhianna and Chris Brown is just wrong in my
    opinion". Chris Brown as far as I know was not singing this song or mentioned
    directly in this song or video. Yes, we know the details of their turbulent
    relationship, however as a victim of domestic violence, I do not entirely agree
    with her article or comments. I am not an unintelligent victim where I think
    this video condones domestic violence. In fact this video made it ever so
    passionate and clear to me that domestic violence is unexceptional and something
    that should be out in the open as this is a problem that is affecting so many people. Since the song is becoming popular, in my
    opinion this is a good medium to get this message across and loudly. Domestic violence is something that seems to be kept quiet
    for the most part and this video brings it out in the open. Something that
    needed to be done a long time ago.

  4. I am so grateful he wrote that song because when I'm sad and I listen to that song it helps me "see" how bad my relationship was. Sometimes listening to sad songs when you are sad makes people feel better. Helps them "get the sadness out" I remember whilst in the middle of that pathological relationship just banging my head against the wall because I couldn't leave him... so the lyrics "I love the way you lie" really summed up my experience... and now that I"m out of it, is hleping me through the healing and puts words to my experience. That's another challenge - trying to explain it to another what it was like. This song instead of being blasted as "bad" should be used in healing and educational settings to help people end these cycles of abuse.

    And in reply to the comment above "While I understand the motivating factor behind the video was supposed to bring awareness to abuse, I believe it failed."

    It only fails if the educators utilizing it don't do a good job of educating...

    In general, a positive and influential position to take might be:
    1. Accepting that things are neither good or bad - they just are.
    2. People will use things for both good and bad. i.e. some will use this video to heal, and others will use it as an excuse to continue their abusive ways
    3. When people set out to accomplish something, sometimes they succeed and other times they fail.
    4. When you fail, try and try again, till you succeed.
    5. Whether it succeeds or fails (to varying degrees, or in one way but not another) it would be helpful if this sparked a slew of other videos that improve on the message...

  5. considering who the artists are in this video, maybe the reason they did not touch on the "effects" of the abuse is because they themselves are still processing what happened to them. I know when I write poetry about what I'm going through it sometimes focuses on just how I am today... but maybe in the future when they are in better spots, they can do a video about the effect it had on their lives, and another on their healing experience... it could be a trilogy!! Now that would be something!!

  6. I think what we should look at is that this video is powerful - and all press is good press. This song has gotten people talking - that's enough for me as a survivor and someone who is a regular volunteer at a DV shelter. It's up to us to teach our own kids and community, not Eminem and Rihanna. I applaud them for being so revealed and raw to give us a starting point of discussion with our kids. Everyone knows they've been a part of DV, so I think its great they ran with it. Entertainers and artists aren't role models, they give us something to talk about. This song evokes conversation instead of just "it's wrong, don't do it." It gets adults and kids thinking about it on a different level. The words "I love the way you lie" hit the nail on the head for me. To hear that makes me recall when I was at that place and it makes my feelings of not going back even stronger. It touched me deep and reminds me of where I was at. I'm so glad that people are outraged - this subject gets to come out of hiding.


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