CHANGE…You can’t live with it you can’t live without it!

By Jillian Maas Backman

There is nothing more attractive and comforting than to cross paths with a person who is sure of themselves moving forward into the future. Whether you agree with their individual perspective or not, they know who they are and not afraid to show it. They feel free to stand philosophically naked and proud in a quiet stance of sureness among others. They hold no desire to be forceful nor boastful with their opinions or interested in persuading others to sense life as they do. They have mastered the artful dance of poetic change with dignity.

Keep in mind these people did not start out this way. They evolved like the rest of us from trial and error creating change along the way as needed. In the December blog post, I suggested everyone transpose resolutions unto old roadmaps. I wanted to demonstrate there are dozens of paths open to reaching goals.

People spend too much energy researching the quickest and easiest course to help them avoid a longer route with detours and road construction. These hurdles on the road could slow one down and force changes to well-designed plan. Even worse, this might require a shift in direction, thus, delaying the gratification of winning at the end. This is how many people tackle resolutions and change. They see the detours as problems rather than missed opportunities for change. They refuse to take an honest look at the bumps on the road in front of them. Oblivious to the fact the roadblocks may be a signal of larger problems in your life and not “coincidental chances.” In fact, it may be nature’s way of telling one to slow down, re-calibrate your route, change and adapt.

CHANGE ALREADY…your future, your choice! 

Lesson One: Know when to toughen up or tone it down.

Life has a tendency to get boring without change. There are certain tasks we all must do each day. Routines one must complete to maintain a certain level of wellness. Feed ourselves, brush our teeth and letting the doggie out to go potty. It is the in-between down times in our day we can control and let the imagination go wild with possibilities. Possibilities that are obtainable if one is willing to leave personal comfort behind and seek new ways of transforming them into reality. This is how to keep the mind fresh, chippy and geared up for new changing cycles.

The word “change” can make some people weak in the knees and sick to their stomach with just the thought of modifying personal growth. Their minds go into a tailspin with the idea of making mistakes and being ridiculed by others. They end up recoiling from change and living with less to avoid the risks it takes to obtain greater happiness. Their fears forbid them from trying anything new. The only way change happens for these folks are from outside pressure from others. They go through life like an unfinished soul frightened by their own reflective shadow of success.

Some are “change-junkies,” finding intense boredom in status-quo and insist on constant change at all time. Acting out the motto of doing something is better than doing nothing! They end up repeating the same old patterns because they are addicted to the “high” feelings one can instantly get from spontaneous change rather than waiting for the calm that comes from well thought out methodical changes.

The majority of us function in the middle somewhere. Ready for change but not sure where to start and how to finish.

Change will come if you get to know yourself first. Start with this statement: Does my New Year's Resolution support who I am in this moment and who I aspire to become into the future. If you do not know the answer to who you are, at a minimum this will help you to define what that means to you.

Practice internal self-talk on a regular basis. All day long if you need it at first. Ask yourself this question. Am I aggressively going at change like a bulldozer, taking down everything in its path? So focused on the goal at hand I am wastefully mulling down useful lessons of change along the way. It is awesome to be all-in for winning, but not at the expense of other people’s happiness. Make sure you temper your aspirations to stay in line with the task. Everyone will eventually reach a goal if they are willing have patience and do the work in logical steps. It does no one any good if you reach a goal and have alienated everyone in your inner circle to do so. You may reach the finish line but end up alone and no left to celebrate your achievements.

If you find yourself on the other side of this statement and need to toughen up to affect change, go slowly. Do not go from one extreme to the other, from quiet kitty to roaring tiger in one week. No one will believe you and it will not stick anyway. Embrace the power of change one situation at a time. Your inner strength will build fortitude and give you courage to eventually seek out change on your own accord without anyone’s approval. Be prepared for adversity. Some people thrive on the weaknesses of others. The relish in the fact that another human being cannot change without his or her permission. They depend on keeping these kind of people in a sick circle of round robin blame-game. Change for this kind of individual needs to work itself from the inside out. It is easier to change your internal self-talk first in this circumstances and actions second. No one can control the internal changes one can make because they are virtually impossible to detect from the outside world looking in. Believe me; changing internal thoughts will open the floodgates to new improved behaviors.

Change does not have to be difficult but it is necessary to grow.

In changing grace,

Jillian Maas Backman,

Jillian Maas Backman, Author, Beyond The Pews, Breaking With Traditions and Letting Go Religious Lockdown and host of the radio show, CHANGE ALREADY!  www.jillianmaasbackman.com

A New Year…A New You

By: Gaétane Borders

I stopped making New Year's resolutions a number of years ago because they just didn't work for me. Add to that the feeling of failure at year's end... Who needs that? So instead, I use the end of a year t to reflect on choices that I made throughout the past 12 months, and to evaluate what worked...and what didn't. A year ago, I vowed that in the new year I would not waste time on things that did not bring me joy. I realized that I was spread thin, and that I was putting up with circumstances and people that were simply not good for me. So....I gave myself an emotional cleanse. Meaning, I vowed to do better about appreciating my time, value, and purpose.

It seemed awkward at first, but one single event helped to catapult me in the right direction. On January 12, 2010, CNN reported that a 7.0 magnitude earthquake had all but leveled the island of Haiti...my parents' birthplace It was a tragedy that horrified the nation, and forever changed me. I cried for weeks, and even broke down at work on a few occasions. But...as terrible as this natural disaster was...it did help me to solidify a few things.

1. True friends are there for you when you need them the most...Not when it's
convenient for them.
2. You never know how resilient you are until you face a traumatic experience.
3. No day is promised, so you have to live life so that you have no regrets.

After grasping the meaning of these realizations, I began the process of true self-reflection. It was hard letting go of certain thoughts, behaviors and relationships. However, sometimes you just need to purify your spirit in order to be a better you. Just as if I had a medical cleanse, I feel lighter, energized, and healthier. As a result, I believe I am a better wife, psychologist...and mommy.

I encourage everyone to take stock of the relationships and circumstances in their life. Just because things may have gone awry in years past does not mean you have to carry this negative energy into the new year. Purging ourselves of all most things negative is sure to be a challenging and continuous process for all of us. Though the process may not be easy, the end result is well worth it.

I look forward to sharing with you in the new year, and am eager to see what's in store for all of us. Here's to a happy, peaceful, abuse free, and prosperous 2011... CHEERS!

Happy New Year,
Gaétane F. Borders, Ed.S., ABD
President, Peas in Their Pods

The “New and Improved” Version of New Year’s Resolutions

By Jillian Maas Backman


This time of year always brings out the best in our “new and improved” versions of New Year’s Resolutions.  It really doesn’t matter what chosen dysfunction you have selected to improve upon; the more pertinent question to ask yourself is: why this one?  What events in the past years have brought you to the conclusion that change is a must in this area of your life? What structures are you going to put in place to ensure success so this year’s resolutions do not end up with the rest of your buried and uncompleted proclamations?


Before I lay out a few suggestions of my own on how to follow through with your resolutions, let’s examine the positive first: 
 
The New Year’s Resolution ritual is the one time throughout the seasons the majority of the people on this planet; stop to; engage in a reflective moment and take part in one big universal “Internal Check-Intake Evaluation;” like the kind we’re all subjected to every time we go to a physician’s office.  Assessments of where/what we have been in the past; where/what we want to be in the future; willingness to move forward with a new attitude and plan of affirmative actions towards a higher quality existence.

The next part of this inspirational rite of passage is the fact that we are all bound together in one distinct voice to announce publically to the world: I AM NOT PERFECT, BUT I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS TO PERFECTION.   Ahhh, that feels so much better!  Now, we can all take a big sigh of relief.  Somewhere along this timeline of humanness we’ve lost our ability to grant each other the patience and time to fully embrace an adult learning curve together. You must say to yourself: Yes, I am willing to accept my challenges.  Yes, I will work on them, year round if necessary. Sometimes, we have a lifetime of make-over’s to live up to, underscored with the commitment to live a more loving lifestyle than year’s past and a promise to recommit for years to come, if that’s what it takes to be at peace from the inside out.
 
So where do we go from here?
  
Unfortunately, many of us do not make it past this point in the progression unless we are forced to do so.  Here comes the reality of the situation: it is time to buckle down and do the supportive work it takes to succeed.  

Support your new proclamations with new measures:

Surround yourself with new people and new experiences.  Break the energy bond you have with those around you.  The reason we keep repeating some of our outward behavior is because we are used to the energy of the company we keep.  There is an exchange of force that builds between all relationships; the closer the bond, the more fixed this energy gets between yourself and friends.  There can be both positive and negative exchanges, so you need to get very clear on who in your life has positive influence and who in your life has a negative influence.  Be honest with yourself and ask the question, “Is this person supporting my intentions and in return, am I supportive of their intentions?”  If not, trust and let go.  Your intentions of living a more pure life will bring forth those that have the same convictions as you do.  

Run your own experiment here; test this theory on your own: let someone go out of your life- with love, not anger- and see what transpires. You will be amazed at who stumbles into your path, by accident! 


Select a friend’s New Year’s Resolution proclamation to support.

I get so tired of over-working my own issues, on all levels of MBS (mind, body, spirit).  It is so easy to get myopic, tangled up in your own issues, concentrating solely on your growth that you lose sight of the rest world growing with you.  It feels good inside to lend your MBS know- how to someone else for awhile. Doesn’t seem like their issues are easier to resolve than your own? Pick a friend in your inner circle to support in their New Year’s Proclamations.

Self Motivation: The glue that holds your intentions in place:

It seems some people have an easier time of following through on their intentions?  I suppose so.  What have they tapped into that you have not in this moment in time?  Self-motivation, that’s what. It is the key to grounding your intentions in a solid foundation. It is one of those strange and illusive traits that have to be practiced over and over until you hit the bull’s eye of what you want to accomplish. 
 
People ask me this question all the time. How did I get to be the lucky one that has this special trait?

I ask myself this question all the time as well!  What am I doing differently than others, what motives me to keep moving forward? I have spent countless hours dedicated to connecting with inner seeker, part of me that many label as the inner child.  I see it differently; this part of me is an adult, functioning as an adult, curious to the world and all that it has to share with me, part of myself.  That sense of self that does not adhere to someone else’s expectations does not resonate with someone else’s time clock. My inner voice keeps asking relevant questions, like what’s next?  I treasure the connection of knowing myself more and more each day I serve here on this planet.

Here is a good example:  those of you who have made resolutions for this year or even in the past have picked up and dialed inward to the private line known to the world as your inner voice only for you, by you, and only you can keep the dialog going throughout your life. 


Years ago I went out for a walk with several dear friends in the woods.  I was complaining that all I could hear was ringing in my ears.  My friends, being my friends, quietly told me to pick up the phone!  I realized that day, that my internal self-motivation mechanism had been there all along reaching out to me, and I was the one avoiding the soulful phone call.
 
I applaud you for taking the initial stance of declaring your yearly resolution, encourage you to shake up your support system and focus on helping others achieve their own resolutions.  Lastly, I ask you to commit to dialing in your own self-motivational landline to keep you going throughout the rest of this year and beyond. I know there is always a sense of urgency to change everything at once, but THERE IS PLENTY OF TIME TO TAKE YOUR TIME!  

In loving gratitude, Jillian