Thursday, January 19, 2012

CHANGE…You can’t live with it you can’t live without it!

By Jillian Maas Backman

There is nothing more attractive and comforting than to cross paths with a person who is sure of themselves moving forward into the future. Whether you agree with their individual perspective or not, they know who they are and not afraid to show it. They feel free to stand philosophically naked and proud in a quiet stance of sureness among others. They hold no desire to be forceful nor boastful with their opinions or interested in persuading others to sense life as they do. They have mastered the artful dance of poetic change with dignity.

Keep in mind these people did not start out this way. They evolved like the rest of us from trial and error creating change along the way as needed. In the December blog post, I suggested everyone transpose resolutions unto old roadmaps. I wanted to demonstrate there are dozens of paths open to reaching goals.

People spend too much energy researching the quickest and easiest course to help them avoid a longer route with detours and road construction. These hurdles on the road could slow one down and force changes to well-designed plan. Even worse, this might require a shift in direction, thus, delaying the gratification of winning at the end. This is how many people tackle resolutions and change. They see the detours as problems rather than missed opportunities for change. They refuse to take an honest look at the bumps on the road in front of them. Oblivious to the fact the roadblocks may be a signal of larger problems in your life and not “coincidental chances.” In fact, it may be nature’s way of telling one to slow down, re-calibrate your route, change and adapt.

CHANGE ALREADY…your future, your choice! 

Lesson One: Know when to toughen up or tone it down.

Life has a tendency to get boring without change. There are certain tasks we all must do each day. Routines one must complete to maintain a certain level of wellness. Feed ourselves, brush our teeth and letting the doggie out to go potty. It is the in-between down times in our day we can control and let the imagination go wild with possibilities. Possibilities that are obtainable if one is willing to leave personal comfort behind and seek new ways of transforming them into reality. This is how to keep the mind fresh, chippy and geared up for new changing cycles.

The word “change” can make some people weak in the knees and sick to their stomach with just the thought of modifying personal growth. Their minds go into a tailspin with the idea of making mistakes and being ridiculed by others. They end up recoiling from change and living with less to avoid the risks it takes to obtain greater happiness. Their fears forbid them from trying anything new. The only way change happens for these folks are from outside pressure from others. They go through life like an unfinished soul frightened by their own reflective shadow of success.

Some are “change-junkies,” finding intense boredom in status-quo and insist on constant change at all time. Acting out the motto of doing something is better than doing nothing! They end up repeating the same old patterns because they are addicted to the “high” feelings one can instantly get from spontaneous change rather than waiting for the calm that comes from well thought out methodical changes.

The majority of us function in the middle somewhere. Ready for change but not sure where to start and how to finish.

Change will come if you get to know yourself first. Start with this statement: Does my New Year's Resolution support who I am in this moment and who I aspire to become into the future. If you do not know the answer to who you are, at a minimum this will help you to define what that means to you.

Practice internal self-talk on a regular basis. All day long if you need it at first. Ask yourself this question. Am I aggressively going at change like a bulldozer, taking down everything in its path? So focused on the goal at hand I am wastefully mulling down useful lessons of change along the way. It is awesome to be all-in for winning, but not at the expense of other people’s happiness. Make sure you temper your aspirations to stay in line with the task. Everyone will eventually reach a goal if they are willing have patience and do the work in logical steps. It does no one any good if you reach a goal and have alienated everyone in your inner circle to do so. You may reach the finish line but end up alone and no left to celebrate your achievements.

If you find yourself on the other side of this statement and need to toughen up to affect change, go slowly. Do not go from one extreme to the other, from quiet kitty to roaring tiger in one week. No one will believe you and it will not stick anyway. Embrace the power of change one situation at a time. Your inner strength will build fortitude and give you courage to eventually seek out change on your own accord without anyone’s approval. Be prepared for adversity. Some people thrive on the weaknesses of others. The relish in the fact that another human being cannot change without his or her permission. They depend on keeping these kind of people in a sick circle of round robin blame-game. Change for this kind of individual needs to work itself from the inside out. It is easier to change your internal self-talk first in this circumstances and actions second. No one can control the internal changes one can make because they are virtually impossible to detect from the outside world looking in. Believe me; changing internal thoughts will open the floodgates to new improved behaviors.

Change does not have to be difficult but it is necessary to grow.

In changing grace,

Jillian Maas Backman,

Jillian Maas Backman, Author, Beyond The Pews, Breaking With Traditions and Letting Go Religious Lockdown and host of the radio show, CHANGE ALREADY!

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