“Still Breathing”

by Lavinia Masters

Amazing how those things that you use to bring you shame and great fear now is seen as a badge of honor and courage and your life’s purpose. Imagine living in darkness and silence for so long that you actually believe that you can’t physically see or speak. I never knew that darkness and silence could be so loud that your vision of life would be obscured and your very voice muted.

Being alone in darkness and not being able to scream is no fun for anyone especially a child. A place where your imagination run wild as you know that there are monsters lurking over your very head and if you dared turned the lights on to expose them that the fear of their snarling faces is greater than that fear of the unknown. Now you remain silent because you fear that if you speak or scream about those things that lurk in the dark that they will hear you and cause you great harm maybe even death.

How foolish it was to remain silent for so long but the fear that if you speak on these things in your darkness that the world would then judge, blame and ridicule you for trying to bring such things as sexual abuse/assault to the light. Here is where your screams go unheard, your tears unseen and your fears remain unknown…in darkness and in silence.

When in darkness you make many mistakes. You will find yourself bumping into and offending those that are just there to try and help you onto your road of recovery yet you knock them out of the way because you can’t see the obvious. Falling into ditches becomes common for you but could have been avoided as you could not see the many hands and signs that was there to warn or guide you along your way. Finally falling down and failing to get back up has become your greatest defeat because you fail to see that there is still good in others and many was sent by God to help you get back up again.

No one can listen to what they cannot hear. If you don’t scream how can anyone know that you are afraid. If no one can hear your cries how can you expect for someone to come to your rescue. If you don’t speak how are others to know that you exist and that you have been hurt and care about what you have to say. I’ve learned and have shared on numerous occasions that silence can be your demise as you continue to hold all the negativity of sexual trauma within it can be the same as inhaling and holding poisonous gases in your body.

As you remain silent the poison not only destroys you internally but it begins to leak on the outside and destroys you externally. Now you have a form of cancer destroying your inner being and a form of leprosy disfiguring your outer appearance and alienating you from the world. Your attitude changes, your mood swings back and forth from negative to unenthusiastic. Depression creeps in more that you care to admit then finally it finds a permanent place of residence within your mental state. Medically you could be diagnosed bi-polar or manic depression but spiritually I believe that your diagnosis is that you are in need of a healing.

Sometimes coming out of the darkness and breaking the silence is a matter of opening your mouth and stepping out on faith to share your testimony with others. Telling the world that fear has no more dominion over you and the sexual trauma that occurred in your life will no longer keep you in bondage. You must have a desire to be courageous…you must have a desire to be free but most importantly must have a desire to be healed.

Lavinia Masters is the Founder of S.A.V.E Ministry, a survivor of childhood sexual assault, a speaker for RAINN, and a faithful advocate. She has appeared on all major news network shows, has been instrumental in passing legislation in Texas, and is the author of "Breathe Again." SaveMinistry.Org

Maintain the Fire!

By Jillian Maas Backman

In a time of reality TV, shock jock radio and bully commentators, how in the world has self-help gurus like Dr. Oz, Jillian Michaels, and now , Anthony Robbins been able to infiltrate closed media programming? What could be the driving force behind this cultural open-minded media phenomenon? Maybe I am going out on a limb but I believe we are primed, willing, and able to see ourselves as WINNERS again. Have we had enough of powerful people telling us we are stalling out with our perpetual potential? Are they really self help gurus or possibly intense dynamic peaceful warriors coming forth to gather the troops to exclaim once again the battle cry of our American spirit………”YES WE CAN.”

By the grace of NBC and Anthony Robbins for the next couple of weeks, we are being allowed free prime time access to the highly successful world of what I call the “Anthony Zone.” This self-help entertainment encouraging us to think positive, go for it and let nothing stand in the way of your own success. An over worked battle cry we have heard many times before, ever so logical, but nearly impossible to replicate in our daily life. We will be inspired by human triumphs over the saddest of challenges. We will cry together, laugh aloud together, and recite simple mantras in unison with the intent of igniting the fire of greatness within each one of us. However, what happens to this “spark” after our high priced cheerleader is no longer available? Like anyone who has attempted to start a fire in the forest – it is one thing to have a spark but it is something all together different to create a fire capable of burning all night long. How do you sustain the spark so that it can ignite a fire within? Robbins is a world -class public speaker capable of creating that spark. As a spectator in the television audience how can you capitalize on this once in a lifetime event? Here are my suggestions:

He will cover a lot of ground in several weeks of life coaching material. Listen with great intent to what he is saying. Focus on the information and take notes on the material that resonates with you. Ignore the rest. Work with your notes and break them down into workable pieces that you can implement as you go. Your understanding will come after the weeks of faithful work and repetition.

The goal here is sustainable changes inside and out. Anthony Robbins is a well-known figure in the world of life coaching but there are also exceptional life coaches in your local communities who are readily accessible to help you maintain the “fire” of your newfound course of action.

The simplest part of self-improvement is striking the spark for change. The most difficult part is maintaining the “fire.”

In loving gratitude, Jillian Maas Backman 

Taking a Closer Look at Vital Belief #1: Grounding

By Pamela Chapman

Like all of you, I deal with life’s ups and downs. I welcome and celebrate the good.  I deal with frustrations, stresses, and challenges. You know? Life! The steps, suggestions, and keys I share are always from my life experiences and my overcoming in spite of challenges.

In my last blog, I shared five vital beliefs to achieving success in 2010. For the next few writings, I’d like to go into the details of each of those beliefs. Let’s look at my first vital belief, grounding, and why I stick with it 95% of the time.

There are days when I’m required to attend a very early-morning meeting. These days are often difficult for me for a couple of reasons. First of all, I’m not a morning person. It’s not uncommon to get an email from me at 11:30 at night. If I’m required to be at a meeting by 8:00 AM, I’ve got to get out of bed by 6:00 AM. Sometimes that’s only a few hours after I’ve climbed into bed. Secondly, I’m living in Colorado and right now it’s ridiculously cold. I lived 29 years of my life in Southern California, and there isn’t a cold day that goes by where I’m not asking, “What in God’s name am I doing here?” And that’s the honest truth. I’m much more appreciative of this state in the summer months. So, grounding at 6:00 AM with a thermostat set at 65 degrees just doesn’t cut it.

Then I have those mornings where, having had a late-date night with work and still having deadlines to meet, I jump out of bed and rush past my Labradoodle, Jessie, and just say hey. I then jump in and out of my shower; I have a quick bite and then dash downstairs to my office, planting myself in front of my PC.

Now, can I be honest? Come closer. I’ll share a secret. These types of days are the worst. They’re chaotic, and frustration rules. I’m not at the top of my game. I’ve got my to-do list and my deadlines. I think I’m working, but it’s more like circling. I forget where I’ve placed things, my thoughts seem fragmented, and interruptions are frequent. My friends all seem to call and want to chat for long periods of time, my precious Jessie barks incessantly, and mother, bless her 86-year-old-heart, seems to need special attention. I usually wind up agitated, aggravated, and alienated—no doubt.

It’s on those days that I don’t ground that I wind up asking all the rhetorical questions.  Why am I here? What does it matter? Why does or doesn’t anyone else care? I end my day tired and depleted, and my to-do list is undone. So why do I believe grounding is vital? You probably know the answer to that already.On those mornings, when I make the time to ground, my days are flawless.

So, what is grounding? Grounding is simply taking the time before you plug into life’s chatter, busyness, and craziness to connect within. It is the time when you find your centeredness, your peace, and your source. It is the time when you connect to source energy. At this time in my life, I have no great passion for converting others to my belief system or for telling them how they must do it.  However, I do have a great passion for healing and empowering, so I will share what my grounding looks like.                                                       

When I first open my eyes in the morning, I say thank you. “Thank you, God. I’ve been allowed to experience another day, no matter what the day holds.” I say thank you again, for I know that the power within will allow me to survive the day—and the even greater belief is that I will overcome the day. I know I am more than a conqueror.

I sometimes lie in my warm bed, or sometimes I go to my special room, where I kneel in honor and reverence to the omnipotent power in which I believe. I continue my thanks. I try to fill this consecrated time with as much thanks as possible. I’m even thankful for the difficult tasks and people in my life because they come to teach me lessons so that I might learn, grow, and walk in my purpose and reach my full potential. Once they leave, I am very thankful, for I know I have grown to the next level and I am ready for advanced testing.

When I’m done giving thanks, I ask for direction. What do I do? Who do I connect to today? Where do I go? In other words, I ask for my to-do list. And then, the most important part of all, after I’m done with all my talking, I listen. Quietly and intently, I listen. Sometimes, I sit only for a few minutes, still cognizant of my time. Yet, there are instances where time seems to stand still, and before I realize it, 40 to 60 minutes have easily gone by.

And do you know what’s always amazing? No matter whether I sit for a few minutes or many, my to-do list is the same length. My list always comprises two to three major things I’m supposed to do. However, the longer I remain in that connected place, the greater the peace.

Miraculously, every time I give thanks, listen, and do what I hear, I’m able to make more progress. I’m able to achieve much without the busyness. I go through my day energized, satisfied, and complete. Connections come. People, pets, and things aren’t irritating, and for that day, life is good.

When I’m prepared to climb into bed and begin the cycle all over again, there is a feeling of accomplishment and success. The day that started with grounding ended with success.

Give it a whirl. You may not do it every day, but if you try it, you might like it. With all the chaos, pain, and negativity of this time, I’ve come to realize it’s crucial. And, in my Cali voice, it is totally vital to achieving success in 2010. To say the least, it is vital for survival.

Happy Grounding!

In love, light, and healing

Pamela