The Art of Meditation

By Jillian Maas Backman

Life coaching and counselors alike emphasized the importance of devoting a portion of your day to quiet time. These insightful reflective moments are a way to release stress and help maintain a stable mental equilibrium. The practice of meditation is a perfect way to start.

Meditation dates back thousands of years and has ties to eastern philosophical thought. Spiritual processes that transcend cultural diversity and encourage all human beings to explore focused detachment and obtain lasting inner peace.

I am thrilled this ancient art has hit a mainstream cord with thousands of individuals who are seeking out how-to classes and attending group mediations with sincere passion. However, with every new trend comes a significant nuance that skews original translations and water-down the overall effects. This does not necessary qualify this trend as bad. It does however; create deviations from its original teachings, meant to create a calm inward environment for the mind, body and spirit to flourish.

There are some who cast a discouraging net over this holistic practice with an over active imagination and implied implications who suggest that one can escape into a world of trances without personal consent and render a person incoherent and powerless over his or her own human choices. Suggesting that delving into an esoteric altered state of consciousness where one looses all control is somewhat nonsensical. To assume a person can become that incoherent from sitting in quiet reflection is rather naive. Do not get me wrong here. There are times when you can experience a sense of boundlessness and escape to a world of quiet nothingness. However, I can honestly report from years of meditating I have never experienced anything the naysayers have to offer as a reasonable reason to refrain from this powerful exercise. In fact, I attribute much of my soul expansion to this daily practice.

I have been meditating on a daily basis for many years. Way before it was the “in- thing” to do. I consider meditation as one of my spiritual tools for sustaining my own wellness. As my life filled with beautiful gifts of family and career, I found myself being irritated by circumstances. Letting go of the little stuff was difficult and I waited until they were blown way out of proportion and became big stuff. It was becoming more difficult to separate my issues from everyone else’s and found myself heading down a road littered with human negativity and disappointment. This set me on a search for something that would create wholeness again.

We are bombarded with constant stimuli from the moment we wake to the moment we retire for the evening. It is virtually impossible to accidently create downtime with this action packed reality. Like exercise, one has to commit and schedule contemplative sessions every day.

Meditation can assist those who live in or with stressful situations and partners. It is a gentle way of tutoring yourself to detach mentally and emotionally from the worries around you. Like unraveling a tightly wound ball of twine one session at a time, it can help separate out issues you could not sense before and provide linear clarity to what is truly in front of you. It may not provide the exact answers one is searching to find. It can help isolate truths you need to examine by eliminating “background noise” from others, de-clutter the mind and regain control for the future. A clear head will prevail affording you the ability to connect with your own inner knowing and sense the right answers for yourself.

The Art of Meditation

When we think of meditating, the first mental picture that comes to mind is a thin structured person, legs crossed in front of them in the lotus position with palms together over the heart area. This image is synonymimous with what people perceive as the proper way of achieving Zen. Although this exercise is suitable for some, it is not necessarily suitable for everyone. There are dozens of ways people can achieve the same quiet results.

Are you an extrovert or an introvert?

Not all meditative practices are done in the same manner. The ultimate goal is to be able to sit in comfortable position for extended periods relaxing and letting go of all the cares in the world. This is proven the most effective way the body, mind and soul can reach a state of complete energetic calm and tranquility. However, if you are an extrovert and attempt to begin your practice with this form of meditation in particular you may be setting yourself up for possible failure.

Extroverts, those of you that have to be in constant motion will be fighting a mind-chatter battle if you start with the common sitting position mentioned above. These kind of people love to exercise and be active most of the day. Calming down and sleeping at night can sometimes be a challenge. The traditional sitting position will leave you unfulfilled and you will probably give- up from boredom.

It would be to your best interest if you started with a “walking meditation” instead. When I say walking, I mean walking, not running. Walking infers a slow and methodical rhythm. This kind of rhythm will take you into a more serene tempo and begin to bring the energy level in your mind and body to a more subdued state.

Your next step is to eliminate the internal mind- chatter with the use of predetermined power words. Begin this process by asking yourself this internal question every time you prepare to walk. What power words or statements best describe the state for which I aspire to achieve? Spiritual clarity, calm, or patience. It may or may not change with each walk. I will share an example of my own power statement I have been using for several years now. “I am safe and at peace with who and what I am. I relinquish my ego to the highest truth.”

Once you have your power statement focused in your mind, it is time to start walking. Time your words with your steps. By doing this action in cadence, the mind noise will naturally fade away and emptiness will set it. You will be amazed how simple this happens without struggles. Walk as far as you need until you feel an inner sense of balance making its way back into your mind, body, and soul.

The more you repeat this exercise, the quicker you will hop into the meditative zone without effort. It will be entirely up to you if you want to move into the next stage of training yourself to sit or stay with walking. Either way you will succeed on finding that quiet universe within.

Introverts, those of you who prefer a less vigorous way of life and relish in a more cerebral existence. This kind of person can go to sleep easy and have some command over turning off the inner mind- chatter at will. Lucky!

You would be an awesome candidate for a more traditional way of meditating as I described above. Sit quietly undisturbed in an environment conducive for releasing stress after a busy day. Expect the mind chatter to peak when you first begin. This is your first clue that you are doing something correct! It is simple brain activity reacting to internal cues signaling it is time for conscious rest. Like any little child when you put them down to sleep, their first reaction is to resist. Let this spike run its natural course. If you attempt to fight against the word-filled stream of consciousness, it will only intensify. It will settle down after a few moments. Most people give up right at this point with frustration. Believe me, once you get through this common stage the world inside will open up in ways you cannot predict. The struggle is worth the pay-offs. There are years of experiential baggage built up and ready to be released. Relax and take it in stages.

Position yourself in a place where you can feel both emotional and physically safe. Close your eyes slowly. Make this action very deliberate to signal to yourself “I am going to mediate now.” Place your hands at your side or in a prayer position. After you master this casual method of meditating, you can search out more formal training on the proper way of practice. Leave those techniques for later when you become proficient and ready to step up your level of meditation. For now, do what feels right in the moment.

Again, have a power word, phrase or even sound prepared. Internally say the word to yourself with each inhale of your breath and exhale the energy that comes up from inside. Repeat this process until you feel yourself letting go of stress from the inside out. This will send out signals to the body’s internal mechanism to settle down. Sit as long as you can stand it. The first couple of attempts may be nothing more than mind purging. This is still incredible progress. If you are willing to stick with either meditative method over time you will reach spiritual bliss.

Lastly, the breath. This probably is the most crucial part of meditation, but not necessarily, in the way you think. The breath does bring down all body systems simultaneously. For most beginners, anxiety sets in the minute they sit down to do this exercise. The anticipation of doing it right overtakes their need for relaxation. Expect your heart to race with the excitement of your anticipated meditative experience. Deep breathing will force you through this initial reaction and into the meditative zone. It is exciting once you figure out how to get into that zone with a few simple breaths.

Try the breathing technique I have taught many. When you take a breath inward, the inhale, aim the breath towards the back of your head. Like a diagonal line beginning at the roof of your mouth and extending to the crown of your skull upward. On the exhale, imagine the breath releasing from the highest point on your head into the body downward covering the entire body with oxygen. Some of you may experience light-headedness. That is ok! I Repeat and let the energy move in and out with each breath. Eventually, nothingness will replace your conscious attempts at breathing. The more you can teach yourself this breathing technique the quicker you will enter into the quiet zone. Stay as long as you want. Your mind and body will signal you when it is time to come back into the real world. P.S. No need to hurry back.

There will always be a fine line between living in the world and living of the world. Living in the world is a life too consumed with minute dramas and no daily meditation. Thus, risking the chance of missing opportunities for growth. Living of the world is a life with meditation and being somewhat detached from the dramas around us. Granting one the possibility to see all options clearly from a neutral point of view.

Meditate with no expectations; it is the only way to see clearly the chosen way.

In loving gratitude,

Jillian Maas Backman, Author, Beyond The Pews, Breaking With Traditions and Letting Go Religious Lockdown.  www.jillianmaasbackman.com

Put the Weight On!

By Heidi Hiatt

On August 29th, 2010, millions of viewers witnessed the HBO film Temple Grandin win seven Emmy awards. Until then, many people didn’t know who Dr. Temple Grandin is.

Grandin has autism, and is probably the best known advocate for those with this developmental disability. She is also a renowned animal scientist, known for her ability to see the world from an animal’s point of view. I’ve followed her work for years and appreciate that she prompts people to think about life from an animal’s perspective.

As someone who could not stand to be touched, even hugged, as a child, she was intrigued when one day she saw a steer in a squeeze chute, a device used to restrict its motion so the veterinarian could work on it. She noticed how the steer relaxed when the pressure was applied.

Grandin decided to try the device for herself, and went on to build one of her own. Now squeeze machines are used all over as therapy for autistic children as well as trauma survivors and others. This deep pressure stimulation has taken other forms as well, including weighted vests and weighted blankets.

No one has to be convinced of the benefits of deep pressure; most of us enjoy a good massage. Such pressure is profoundly relaxing, and we pay big bucks to enjoy those sensations at spas and from massage therapists. We seek out massages from our spouses and partners, reveling in the touch after a long day at work. Pets know; they LOVE massages.

Survivors of rape, incest, sexual abuse, and domestic violence sometimes can’t handle being touched by others, especially those of the opposite sex. This can also be true of people who have been cheated on, used, betrayed, or abandoned. Their trust in others has been shattered, and even though they crave love, touch, and companionship, it can be traumatic to actually let someone else touch them.

These crimes and boundary violations are frequently accompanied by lasting challenges like PTSD, which can leave your nerves on edge for years. Achieving a good night’s sleep or a period of complete relaxation can be impossible when your body, mind, and soul is silently screaming in the aftermath of a traumatic event. Even if the anguish you have suffered did not include physical abuse, the hell your heart and mind have gone through can manifest physically.

Occupational therapist Karen Moore is an expert on a condition called sensory defensiveness that can happen to abuse and trauma survivors. She has an informative article about this posted athttp://www.sensoryconnectionprogram.com/sensory_defensiveness.pdf. The following excerpt from Moore’s article gives a description of what sensory defensiveness is:

Wilbarger & Wilbarger (1995) define sensory defensiveness as adverse or defensive reactions to non-noxious stimuli. They theorize that genetic disposition as well as physical trauma to the body (e.g. stressful birth, accidental injury, physical abuse) can set off this condition of sensory distortion. Lack of inhibition of sensory input, they believe underlies defensive reactions. Symptoms vary widely and include withdrawal from touch, discomfort from certain clothes, over reaction to sounds, dislike of foods with mixed textures, exaggerated personal space, increased startle reflex, and dislike of complex visual stimuli such as fast moving objects or colors.

People with a history of physical or sexual abuse, torture, institutionalization, sensory deprivation, or a traumatic injury, have about an 80% chance of developing sensory defensiveness. Therefore, statistics alone tell us that we encounter clients with this problem regularly in psychiatric care and especially in clients with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Symptoms of sensory defensiveness are also very common in patients with Developmental Disorders (Hanschu, 1995; Wilbarger & Wilbarger, 1995).

Deep pressure stimulation is one way of treating sensory defensiveness. If you can identify with this condition, take out a piece of paper and pen and make a list of what you do to make yourself comfortable nowadays. Trust me, the list will flow.

You may do the “human burrito” thing, where you roll yourself up in blankets. You may find that you are more relaxed when kids, cats, or dogs are sitting on you. When you get home from work, you can’t wait to change into particular cotton clothes or soft socks. You might find it very relaxing to hold a pillow or put a hot water bottle on your legs.

You may also find certain things outside of the home very relaxing, like having your blood pressure taken or wearing a lead vest at the dentist’s office when you have x-rays. You may like setting your purse on your lap when you drive. Even the mild restraint a seatbelt offers can bring relief, odd as it sounds. If you can handle being touched by someone else, a strong hug may do wonders for you.

When I first heard of sensory defensiveness, which to me is a very logical response when bad and unjust things happen to you, I contacted a friend with fibromyalgia who helped me make a list of the ways people manage through deep pressure. We were amazed at how quickly the list was written and realized why weighted blankets are becoming so popular.

Weighted blankets are a wonderful stress-reduction option for people with sensory defensiveness, food allergies, insomnia, PTSD, restless legs, dementia, autism, and other conditions because you can use them at home. They generally look like a comforter, and aren’t any warmer than one, but are filled with materials like soft plastic beads to add weight. The weight provides a deep pressure “touch” that allows the user to relax.

A quick Google search will reveal a number of companies that make weighted blankets, and they are often custom-made for the home user in varying sizes, weights, and fabrics. Some adults use 20 pound king-sized blankets, while children may use much lighter twin-sized ones. Some companies make small, square “lap cozies” or throw blankets that are nice for just having on you while you’re sitting.

You might want to consult with your doctor before using a weighted blanket, or having your child use one. I do not know if they’re safe to use with babies or toddlers; until someone convinces me otherwise, I would strongly advise against it. These also aren’t supposed to be used as discipline tools, but as comforts.

If you buy a weighted blanket, be sure to buy a blanket with proper filler material that can be cleaned in a washing machine. Rocks, metals, sand, organic material, and glass should not be used as filler for obvious safety and sanitation reasons. The fabric of the blanket should be one that you find soothing; oftentimes people with sensory defensiveness can’t stand certain fabrics rubbing against their skin.

Unfortunately, these blankets aren’t cheap, so if you find a ridiculously good deal on one as you’re comparison shopping, be suspicious. Be sure of what you’re buying before you hit the “checkout” button. A reputable company should be able to provide all relevant product information up front, or quickly upon request.

I realize that many people who have suffered trauma and abuse have limited financial means, another unfair consequence of what they’ve survived. On that note, it would be nice to see charities and activists donating such blankets and lap cozies to shelters and survivors. I, for one, am convinced of the therapeutic benefits of weighted blankets, and users don’t have to go to a therapist or doctor to experience their benefits.

While Temple Grandin is just one of the researchers who has identified and promoted deep pressure stimulation, she has played a huge role in its proliferation. I’m thankful that she and others like her have made this product mainstream. I hope that more doctors, advocates, activists, psychologists, counselors, and psychiatrists become familiar with weighted blankets and utilize them more regularly.

When you’ve endured the trauma and pain of personal boundary violations, all violations from emotional abuse to extreme physical and sexual violence can carry a residual physical component. Trauma in any form can change your physical well-being in drastic ways.

To aid in your healing process, and to be able to unwind, consider one of these flat, bean bag-like blankets. It’s a simple but effective idea that could have millions of people breathing easier, or even sleeping through the night, for the first time in a long time.

Life breaks us all … but many are made strong at the broken places.
-Ernest Hemingway

Taking a Closer Look at Vital Belief #1: Grounding

By Pamela Chapman

Like all of you, I deal with life’s ups and downs. I welcome and celebrate the good.  I deal with frustrations, stresses, and challenges. You know? Life! The steps, suggestions, and keys I share are always from my life experiences and my overcoming in spite of challenges.

In my last blog, I shared five vital beliefs to achieving success in 2010. For the next few writings, I’d like to go into the details of each of those beliefs. Let’s look at my first vital belief, grounding, and why I stick with it 95% of the time.

There are days when I’m required to attend a very early-morning meeting. These days are often difficult for me for a couple of reasons. First of all, I’m not a morning person. It’s not uncommon to get an email from me at 11:30 at night. If I’m required to be at a meeting by 8:00 AM, I’ve got to get out of bed by 6:00 AM. Sometimes that’s only a few hours after I’ve climbed into bed. Secondly, I’m living in Colorado and right now it’s ridiculously cold. I lived 29 years of my life in Southern California, and there isn’t a cold day that goes by where I’m not asking, “What in God’s name am I doing here?” And that’s the honest truth. I’m much more appreciative of this state in the summer months. So, grounding at 6:00 AM with a thermostat set at 65 degrees just doesn’t cut it.

Then I have those mornings where, having had a late-date night with work and still having deadlines to meet, I jump out of bed and rush past my Labradoodle, Jessie, and just say hey. I then jump in and out of my shower; I have a quick bite and then dash downstairs to my office, planting myself in front of my PC.

Now, can I be honest? Come closer. I’ll share a secret. These types of days are the worst. They’re chaotic, and frustration rules. I’m not at the top of my game. I’ve got my to-do list and my deadlines. I think I’m working, but it’s more like circling. I forget where I’ve placed things, my thoughts seem fragmented, and interruptions are frequent. My friends all seem to call and want to chat for long periods of time, my precious Jessie barks incessantly, and mother, bless her 86-year-old-heart, seems to need special attention. I usually wind up agitated, aggravated, and alienated—no doubt.

It’s on those days that I don’t ground that I wind up asking all the rhetorical questions.  Why am I here? What does it matter? Why does or doesn’t anyone else care? I end my day tired and depleted, and my to-do list is undone. So why do I believe grounding is vital? You probably know the answer to that already.On those mornings, when I make the time to ground, my days are flawless.

So, what is grounding? Grounding is simply taking the time before you plug into life’s chatter, busyness, and craziness to connect within. It is the time when you find your centeredness, your peace, and your source. It is the time when you connect to source energy. At this time in my life, I have no great passion for converting others to my belief system or for telling them how they must do it.  However, I do have a great passion for healing and empowering, so I will share what my grounding looks like.                                                       

When I first open my eyes in the morning, I say thank you. “Thank you, God. I’ve been allowed to experience another day, no matter what the day holds.” I say thank you again, for I know that the power within will allow me to survive the day—and the even greater belief is that I will overcome the day. I know I am more than a conqueror.

I sometimes lie in my warm bed, or sometimes I go to my special room, where I kneel in honor and reverence to the omnipotent power in which I believe. I continue my thanks. I try to fill this consecrated time with as much thanks as possible. I’m even thankful for the difficult tasks and people in my life because they come to teach me lessons so that I might learn, grow, and walk in my purpose and reach my full potential. Once they leave, I am very thankful, for I know I have grown to the next level and I am ready for advanced testing.

When I’m done giving thanks, I ask for direction. What do I do? Who do I connect to today? Where do I go? In other words, I ask for my to-do list. And then, the most important part of all, after I’m done with all my talking, I listen. Quietly and intently, I listen. Sometimes, I sit only for a few minutes, still cognizant of my time. Yet, there are instances where time seems to stand still, and before I realize it, 40 to 60 minutes have easily gone by.

And do you know what’s always amazing? No matter whether I sit for a few minutes or many, my to-do list is the same length. My list always comprises two to three major things I’m supposed to do. However, the longer I remain in that connected place, the greater the peace.

Miraculously, every time I give thanks, listen, and do what I hear, I’m able to make more progress. I’m able to achieve much without the busyness. I go through my day energized, satisfied, and complete. Connections come. People, pets, and things aren’t irritating, and for that day, life is good.

When I’m prepared to climb into bed and begin the cycle all over again, there is a feeling of accomplishment and success. The day that started with grounding ended with success.

Give it a whirl. You may not do it every day, but if you try it, you might like it. With all the chaos, pain, and negativity of this time, I’ve come to realize it’s crucial. And, in my Cali voice, it is totally vital to achieving success in 2010. To say the least, it is vital for survival.

Happy Grounding!

In love, light, and healing

Pamela