Conduct Unbecoming of a Bishop….Allegedly

By Gaétane Borders

By now everyone has heard about the drama surrounding Bishop Eddie Long, pastor of New Birth Missionary Baptist church in Lithonia, GA.  About a week ago, two young men filed a lawsuit alleging that Bishop Long recruited them into the youth ministry and then had engaged in sexual acts with them.  Later on, two more young men came forward, all with similar allegations.  However, their lawyer also claims that there are a slew of others who may also come forward.  (Please note that Bishop Long has not been convicted of any crime at this point, and the lawsuit is very recent.)

The defendants charge that Long used his pivotal position to build a strong personal bond with them. They said the Bishop Long convinced them that sex with him was part of a healthy spiritual life. They also have claimed that Long violated his legal responsibility as a spiritual adviser. At time of print, Bishop Long adamantly denied the allegations and vows to fight them.  During a recent church service, Bishop Long compared his current legal fight with the biblical reference of David and Goliath, stating “I have five stones and I haven’t thrown one yet!” before swiftly exiting the pulpit while holding his wife’s hand.

As a long time Atlanta resident, I can honestly say that I have never seen the city more divided about an issue.  With a reported 25,000 parishioners, New Birth definitely has a strong presence in the metro area.  The point of contention is the fact that the alleged acts supposedly occurred when the boys were 17-years-old (past the age of majority here in Georgia).  What these skeptics fail to understand is how predators go about grooming victims.  For instance, in this case the young men came from single parent homes and were not accustomed to an affluent lifestyle.  One of the defendants said that the pastor would apparently use this to his advantage telling the young boy that he would "never let another man hurt him like his father did," according to the lawsuit. In addition, Bishop Long allegedly gave them lavish gifts such as cars, money, clothes, international trips, jewelry and access to celebrities, and asked them to call him “Daddy.” It was, reportedly, a few years into the relationship that things escalated. These types of actions, if true, could certainly be perceived as an attempt to groom these young men.  Take a look at one of the defendants discuss his experience first hand.

So how could it be that a 17-year-old adolescent boy would not know to tell his parent that this was occurring?  Keep in mind that most kids do not tell, and instead are so ashamed by the abuse that they hide it.  That is why it is so critically important to be cognizant of the warning signs.  Here are a few:

·         Waking up during the night sweating, screaming or shaking with nightmares.

·         Masturbating excessively.

·         Showing unusually aggressive behavior toward family members, friends, toys, and pets.

·         Complaining of pain while urinating or having a bowel movement, or exhibiting symptoms of genital infections such as offensive odors, or symptoms of a sexually transmitted disease.

·         Having symptoms indicating evidence of physical traumas to the genital or anal area.

·         Beginning wetting the bed.

·         Experiencing a loss of appetite or other eating problems, including unexplained gagging.

·         Showing unusual fear of a certain place or location.

·         Developing frequent unexplained health problems.

·         Engaging in persistent sexual play with friends, toys or pets.

·         Having unexplained periods of panic, which may be flashbacks from the abuse.

·         Regressing to behaviors too young for the stage of development they already achieved.

·         Initiating sophisticated sexual behaviors.

·         Indicating a sudden reluctance to be alone with a certain person.

·         Engaging in self-mutilations, such as sticking themselves with pins or cutting themselves.

·         Withdrawing from previously enjoyable activities, like school or school performance change.

·         Asking an unusual amount of questions about human

Behaviors to Watch for When Adults Are With Children:

·         Turns to a child for emotional or physical comfort by sharing personal or private information or activities, normally shared with adults?

·         Has secret interactions with teens or children (e.g. games, sharing drugs, alcohol, or sexual material) or spends excessive time to emailing, text messaging or calling children or youth

·         Insists on or manages to spend uninterrupted time alone with a child?

·         Seems “too good to be true," i.e. frequently baby sits different children for free; takes children on special outings alone; buys children gifts or gives them money for no apparent reason?

·         Allows children or teens to consistently get away with inappropriate behaviors?

Only time will tell if the allegations against Bishop Long are substantiated, and hopefully justice will be served...whatever the truth may be.  However, I do believe that Bishop Long’s lawsuit can serve as a reminder to parents that when it comes to our children, no one is given a carte blanche. Meaning, don’t just assume that simply because someone is nice to you that they won’t harm your kids. Don’t assume that just because they are part of your family tree that they won’t hurt your kids.  Don’t assume that just because someone is your spiritual advisor that they can’t hurt your kids. 


Gaetane Borders is the President of Peas in Their Pods and also writes the blog,The Parenting Pundit.

Legal Victimization

By Gaetane Borders

Today in the metro Atlanta area, former Marietta High School teacher, Christopher King, was acquitted of sexual assault.  The charges stem from the discovery that he had been having inappropriate interactions with a female student.  Since he openly admitted that those interactions were “sexual” you would think that this would be an easy conviction, right?

However, the problem is that his 17-year-old victim took the stand in defense of her former teacher who she described as her “boyfriend.”  His lawyer told jurors that the two “were in love,” and although "This may be a bad idea…it's not illegal." This attorney’s argument was bolstered in June when the Georgia Supreme Court ruled that, when a student is a willing participant and is 16 or older, the student's consent can be a defense for teachers facing a sexual assault charge.  The presiding judge by-passed the jury and rendered his verdict this afternoon, saying "It's gross, it's awful, but it ain't illegal…This was a consensual relationship."  So with that…Christopher King was cleared of any wrongdoing.

Really?  Is a 17-year-old able to consent to a sexual “relationship” with a nearly forty-year-old man?  In the dictionary, an adolescent is defined as: A young person who has undergone puberty but who has not reached full maturity.  Therefore, how can it be that there is such a law that blatantly ignores the fact that, by definition, an adolescent is not equipped with the emotional maturity to understand the ramifications and consequences of adult behaviors?

Adolescents and children are inherently trusting of authority figures, and are naïve and easily mislead.  This is one of the reasons why pedophiles are able to commit their crimes.  In this case, King’s former student told a courtroom full of people that he began calling her about non-school related issues.  Later, the two went shopping, out to dinner, and the movies.  She said she believed that they were doing the “things dating couple do.” "It evolved the way I assume any sexual encounter does," she said.

Clearly, Christopher King took advantage of his position of power as well as the childlike immaturity of his 17-year-old victim.  Yes I said it…VICTIM!  In essence, she was groomed to believe that they had a relationship.  Romanticizing this as love and anything positive is sickening.  Point blank. 

In this case, the victim’s father became alarmed by King’s phone calls to his daughter.  However, she told him that he was overreacting.  As an educator, I can assure you that EVERY school employee is aware of the appropriate code of conduct regarding students. Sometimes parents might feel uncomfortable with the attention that a teacher is giving to their son or daughter, but may not know how to handle the situation.  Here are some clear cut No-No’s. 

 
 

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are teachers to…

·       Contact students for personal issues (ie. “Just to say Hi.”). 

·       Text students.

·       Discuss personal information with students (ie. Issues related to marital problems, family issues etc.)

·       Make plans with a student to have dinner or go to a movie.

·       Videotape or record a student without expressed consent from the parent.

·       Make any comments of a sexual or suggestive nature.

·       Have sex with a student.

·       Serve alcohol to a student.

So, what should you do if you notice any of these things?  First, talk to your son or daughter to try and find out what has happened.  Next, IMMEDIATLEY report your concerns to the building administrator and to the proper authorities for a thorough investigation.  Have copies of text messages, emails, and pictures to share as evidence if you have them.  Also remember that your son or daughter may try to conceal the “relationship” by denying that anything inappropriate is occurring. They may be defensive, and even angry with you for asking questions. 

Regardless of the state Laws, any sound minded adult knows that it is immoral, unethical, deplorable…and YES criminal to take advantage of a child.  I hope that we will all take a closer look at the laws that directly affect our children and adolescents because some offenders are taking advantage of a legal loophole, and are able to walk away totally free…Legally.