Losing Cherish- And a Guide to Teaching Our Kids to be Safe

by Anita Davis Sullivan 

Saturday, June 22nd, I think you could hear our corner of Florida wail. It wasn’t the first time that something tragic has happened, but it was fresh and raw. Many of awoke that Saturday morning to reports of the abduction of 8 year old Cherish Perrywinkle the previous night. Shortly after, we learned that Donald Smith, the prime suspect, had been arrested during a traffic stop, with no sign of Cherish. And a very short time later, we learned that the body of 8 year old Cherish had been found, near the Walmart she was abducted from.

Within moments, there were questions. Why had the mother allowed the child to go with a man they had known for just a few hours? Why had the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office not alerted the public sooner that there was a child abduction? Why did the FDLE not notify the Center for Missing and Exploited Children, which would have prompted the phone alerts for the Amber Alert?  Why had Donald Smith seemingly fallen through the cracks and not been treated as a Sexually Violent Predator as recommended by the Department of Children and Families 11 years ago?

I don’t know. No one has the answers yet.

And though I pray they come, and that other children may be saved by what our community learns through this tragic event, my focus quickly turned to how we can help those here now. I heard from parents who sat and talked with their children about ‘Stranger Danger’ or watched them ever closer this weekend. I heard from one mother who had the heartbreaking job of telling her 8 year old daughter that her good friend Cherish was forever gone.

And though we must teach our children, I fear that we teach them the wrong things too often. The real danger is not in strangers- even Cherish was taken and killed by someone who gained her mother’s trust, albeit in a few short hours. But it’s estimated that less than 5% of attacks on children are by a stranger.

We must focus on teaching our children what is appropriate behavior, and how to trust their instincts.

June 26, 2013 marks the six year anniversary of the day that my brother, Michael “Austin” Davis went missing from Jacksonville, Florida. He was an adult, and most likely wasn’t abducted. But from this experience sometimes comes a need to protect my children even more. To make sure that our family doesn’t lose another. So I do teach them, not to be afraid, but to:

• Know what kind of touching is appropriate and inappropriate, and that it’s okay to say “No!” and get away from anything that makes them uncomfortable. 
• Know who we consider safe grownups are. These are the people in our circle that they should be able to trust. But always reminding them, that it’s okay to say “No!” to even these people if they’re uncomfortable. 
• Know that they never have to protect us. If someone threatens us if they don’t do what the person says, they don’t have to do it. 
• Get permission to go anywhere, and stay in groups. 
• Never help an adult without our permission. It can be a trick. 

In six years of missing my brother, we’ve also had to deal with the question of how much to tell our oldest, who celebrated his 4th birthday just two days before his Uncle Austin went missing. No matter if it’s a lost family member or a lost friend, children grieve and need help doing so. 

 Here are my tips on helping your child through a time of loss:

• Let them see your emotions. 
• It’s okay for them to know you’re sad, as it let’s them know it’s okay for them to be sad too. 
• Encourage them to share memories of their loved one. 
• Create a scrapbook or box of memories that they can look through and remember their loved one. Allow them to participate in adding to it. For example, my son has a great memory of my brother taking him fishing. I’d forgotten about it, but he hasn’t. 
• Communicate with caregivers. 
• Let teachers or caregivers know that your child may experience out of the norm behaviors as they cope with this. Let your child know they can talk to these adults in their lives about what they’re feeling. 
• Share stories with your kids. 
• Tell stories about the lost loved one as your kids grow, reminding them how much the person loved them, or would have loved seeing them grow. Keep them alive in the heart of the family, giving your kids a feeling of roots and love. My sons have limited family in their lives, but I always want them to know the love of family. 
• Be honest on a level they can understand. 
• When my brother was first missing, we didn’t know what to tell our son. We didn’t want to lie, but we don’t really know the truth. We don’t know where he is. We’ve come to realize that it’s okay to say “we don’t know but we won’t give up until we do” and keep the brutal details from him (like that we believe he killed himself). As he’s gotten older, we’ve added more details but always the truth as he could understand and cope with it. 

There are no simple answers on how to keep your kids safe, or how to help them through a loss like this. Just as there are no easy answers on why this tragedy happened.

But on this anniversary of my brother’s disappearance, I do know that I can help educate parents, who truly just want to keep their kids safe.

Rest in peace Cherish. You will not be forgotten.

Anita Sullivan is the sister of a missing person, and long time advocate of victims, even before having a personal connection to the world of lost. During college,Anita found a passion for helping others and was involved in a variety of ministries. She then started a career in non-profit, first working with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. She went on to work with at risk families through a supervised visitation program before spending several years in fundraising and advocacy. She now tries to reach people with a message of Hope through writing and speaking, while honoring her brother, Michael "Austin" Davis, who has been missing since 2007. To learn more about Anita, visit her at http://anitadavissullivan.com

Amber’s Thanksgiving

By Sheryl McCollum



Editor's note:  Although this post ran originally at Thanksgiving, 2009, January 13 marks the day that Amber was taken from her family.  We are running it again in her honor and in honor of the Amber Alert system created in her name.

Amber Hagerman would have turned 23 on Wednesday, November 25^th, 2009.  You may not know her name but you certainly know the system that was created for her: the Amber Alert.

On January 13, 1996, 9-year-old Amber Hagerman was riding her bicycle, along with her brother, near her grandparent’s home.  A neighbor heard her scream and saw Amber being abducted.  The neighbor witnessed a man pull Amber off her bike, throw her into the front seat of his pickup truck, and drive away at a high rate of speed. The neighbor called police and provided a description of the suspect and his vehicle. Local radio and television stations covered the story in their regular newscasts.  From that sad day,  the Amber Alert System was developed in an effort to get information out fast to as many people as possible in an attempt to locate and recover abducted children.

On November 23, 2009, an Amber Alert was issued for 2-month old Catalin Hoard.  Police were able to spot the suspect’s truck and give chase.  The suspect stopped the vehicle, got out and ran.  The child was found in the truck and unharmed.  Catalin is now safe and back with her mother.  

On November 24, 2009, an Amber Alert was issued for a 1-month old little boy in South Carolina.  Little Angel Miguel Perez was taken from inside his mother’s car in front of a post office. Witnesses came forward with a description of the suspect, and the police were able to locate Angel alive and unharmed.

On Amber’s birthday, November 25, 2009, an Amber Alert was issued for a 2-year-old boy in Kansas.  Hayden was reported missing when his grandmother took him out of town.  The grandmother has mental health issues and was believed to be off  her medication at the time of the abduction.  Hayden Lane Potter was subsequently found safe and in good condition on the same day that the alert was issued.

Because of Amber Hagerman and the events that happened on that fateful day in 1996, the lives of 3 small, defenseless children were probably saved.

On Thanksgiving Day, November 26, 2009 I called and spoke with Amber’s mother.  I wanted to let her know that we were thinking about her and were remembering Amber.  Amber’s mom was sweet, kind and grateful.  She was ill and spending Thanksgiving alone as to not make anyone else in her family sick.  She was not sad or bitter – she was just thankful for the call and told me to please let my students at the college know how much their cold case work meant to her. 

As I hung-up the phone, I thought not of the past 13 years without Amber, but the past 3 days of located and recovered children.

Today, I am thankful for Amber Hagerman.

The tragedy behind the Zhara Clare Baker case

 By Cyndi Caron

There are very sad cases everyday that we all read about in newspapers, watch on the news or hear about through word of mouth.  The entire investigation behind the disappearance, and probable murder, of a beautiful freckle-faced bright eyed child named Zhara Clare Baker, age 10,  has gripped the hearts of all who have been praying that the media reports are wrong.  Unfortunately as we know from today’s news conference there is no mistake.  Sweet Zhara has not been seen in over a month and contrary to her father and stepmother’s first accounts on Saturday that she went missing sometime between 2:30 a.m and 2:00 pm when they discovered her gone is completely a fabrication.  The Amber Alert was dropped today, October 12, 2010,  and the case has converted to a homicide investigation.  The entire world is watching and weeping.

Zhara’s father, Adam Baker, is from Australia.  According to media reports he had custody of Zhara since the age of 8 months old when her mother left.  A little over two years ago Adam Baker met a woman online and chose to pack up his and Zhara’s belongings and fled their home country of Australia to reside in North Carolina.  Adam Baker made Elisa his wife and Zhara’s stepmother.  What went on in that home is unclear, however, one thing is for certain…nothing went right for Zhara.  After battling bone cancer and losing her left leg below the knee to the cancer she also endured chemotherapy which left her deaf.  Recently the beautiful brunette with golden streaks in her hair was fitted with hearing aids.  A huge smile on her face she could hear again!  But life for Zhara was not going to improve.  In fact life according to relatives and neighbors was brutal for sweet Zhara.  One relative stated that Zhara was only allowed to come out of her room for five minutes at a time and  witnessed her being hit and beaten.  Neighbors and old school pals stated Zhara was a sweet and shy child who had a huge grin which is evident in all the photographs.  But photographs lie.  This child lived a life of nightmares behind the doors with her stepmother and a father who did nothing to stop the beatings according to another relative.  A MySpace page believed to belong to the stepmother surfaced showing a picture of Zhara with the words "The Dark Child!!! lol." Elisa Baker’s Myspace page, under the username "gothicfairy6668,"  is covered in gothic images including a skull and crossbones background. The section which asks what kind of mood one is in, she proudly wrote "crazy."  I think personally “evil” would be a better choice of words to describe Elisa Baker.

Nobody in the new neighborhood they lived in ever recalled seeing Zhara which leads investigators to determine that it could have been weeks ago when she was killed.  Cadaver dogs hit on the scent of human remains on both vehicles belonging to her stepmother and father.  That beautiful sweet child was murdered and now a massive search is underway to try to trace the steps behind the stepmother and father’s lifestyle with the hopes that a trail will lead them to her earthly remains.  The further tragedy behind this horrible crime is that many people were fully aware of what was going on in the household.  Why didn’t anyone step in and remove Zhara from the home? Obviously somebody contacted Children Services as they show a record that they visited the home, however, no media reports the findings.

A police filed complaint was made by a relative against Elisa Baker, claiming she threatened to kill her and her 7-month-old daughter in a dispute over money. She said Elisa Baker threatened them with a taser and a gun, and she feared for their lives.  In her complaint she stated that Elisa made threats against her infant daughter and she was “screaming and shouting and threatening to hit everybody." The same woman stated she saw Elisa Baker hit Zahra: "She was always beating her. I told her to stop but she wouldn't listen to anyone. That poor girl."  Other neighbors also feared for the Zhara’s safety.  As one neighbor reported, "There were warning signs along the way, but you never want to think the worst.” People need to wake up and realize that yes…the worst does exist. The worst possible outcome indeed existed for Zhara. Her beautiful sweet life was taken away by evil hands and we can only hope and pray that justice will be served.  The song from Martina McBride, “Concrete Angel” comes to my mind and I can’t help but think it represents the horror of what life was like for Zhara.

Tears are certainly flowing from Australia and throughout the United States for a sweet lovely child that many would have given anything to have had the honor to love and care for her properly.  May this sweet child rest in peace, fly with the angels and help to watch over other children who may be living the horrible life of abuse as she did. Our hearts are aching and until Zhara is found and justice is served we will continue to weep.  For those who are aware that a child is being beaten or abused…please, pick up the phone and make that call to the authorities and CPS. Don’t let another child have to leave this earth due to the hands of another.

Cynthia L. Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.
www.lostnmissing.com

Who Really Cares About Missing Persons?

Everyone reads the headlines when a body is recovered or remains are found.  Like rubber necks at an accident scene, we want to know what happened and why in all the grisly details.  The media covers the scene, hovering around like bees to honey trying to get the inside scoop and be the first to report along with pictures and video.   A body is brought forth, identified and justice is served.  As if reality was that simple!

When it comes to missing persons, in most cases, headlines aren't screaming, the public gives a cursory look and then goes on to then next page.  The news is covered with the young, blond white girls from good families and the talk shows are brimming with family members eager to be a part of something that may give their loved one the exposure needed to remind us not to forget.  It looks like these missing persons are getting much deserved coverage, but what is reported is only the tip of the iceberg.

The general public has no clue of the scope of this global epidemic.  According to figures from the FBI, there are almost a million missing persons reported each year.  That number is growing year by year.  How does this happen?  How can that many people be unaccounted for?  Yes, many are teen runaways, many are just looking to start a new life, but many more are never found until it's too late.  Human trafficking and sex slavery is now coming into the forefront of the news as more and more young people and children are vanishing without a trace.

What's Going On In Chicago?

Recently the case of 12 year old Chicago girl, Jahmeshia Connor, who was found dead in an alley after being missing almost two weeks, has sparked a flame under Chicago media.  After facts of the case were brought to light by online writers, it seems the media is reporting one missing person after another from the Chicago area.  Is it a coincidence?  If it had not been for the watchful eyes of Susan Murphy Milano, and organizations like Peas in Their Pods, LostNMissing, Inc., Peace4 the Missing, Please Help Missing Children and others, Jahmeshia Connor and those that have followed may have been relegated to nothing but a report filed by the family.

Who has been searching for these girls?  Some of them have been missing quite some time, longer than would be expected, and some families did not file missing persons reports immediately, some probably following the advice of a police officer that told them to wait and see.  THERE IS NO WAIT AND SEE WHEN A PERSON IS MISSING!  The public's misconception is there is a mandatory waiting period, that is false.  All police departments are to take a missing persons report on the spot, with the facts stated by those who know the person and the circumstances of their disappearance best.  Time is always of the essence.

Myths and Legends

There is also a definite misconception in the way most parents view the nation wide Amber Alert.  Most think that if their child is missing all they do is dial 911 and it's issued.  That's another myth.  There are strict guidelines that must be followed and criteria that must be met before an Amber Alert is issued.  Many children do not qualify.  Many missing children fall through the cracks of the system and families are disappointed, rightly so.  This gap in the system has forced organizations like Peas In Their Pods to generate the "Rilya Alert" when a child is missing.  Regardless of age, sex, ethnicity, or circumstances, as long as a police report has been filed, a Rilya Alert will go out, indicating to a growing network to get the word out and find this child!

Cases of missing adults present an even more complicated set of predicaments.  The circumstances of an adult going missing varies more than child abductions or teen runaways.  An adult has the right to leave a family and start a new life, as unfair as this sounds, there is nothing a spouse or children can do about it according to the laws of the day.  This makes filing a report and expecting an investigation by authorities redundant.  In most cases a family member has to take on the task of investigating and tracking down their missing adult.

Yes, They Care


So who really cares about missing persons?  Fortunately for family members there are organizations like CUE Center for Missing Persons, Project Jason, 411 Gina, Track Missing, Texas Equusearch and others who devote time and resources to step in and search.  Searching for a missing person is only one facet of the tasks these organizations perform.  They work closely with the law enforcement agents in charge, they organize posters and awareness campaigns, they comfort and support the families, often at their own expense.  They train search and recovery teams, both human and animals, to perform the job of bringing a loved one back to the family that cares for them.

Even if we don't have a missing loved one, how long does it take to stop, take a harder look at a poster hanging in a store or on a telephone pole?  Everyone can do a small part in aiding these families by paying attention, look at a situation that isn't right, and do something to correct it.

Laws are being presented to Congress that will insure that missing persons cases will be handled in a more uniform manner.  By supporting the passage of The Help Find The Missing Act (HR3695 Billy's Law) we are showing our support for the families of missing loved ones.  We are also giving a name to the thousands of unidentified remains that are housed all over the country and reconnecting them with their families.

When a person goes missing there are so many victims.  A whole family, a whole community and a whole country are subjected to the fears, anxieties, and worries about a person who is gone.  Who really cares about a missing person?  Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends, and many, many strangers who step up daily to help and support.

CUE Center's website says it best:  "Every missing person is somebody's child."