What About the Missing? Organizations NEED Donations

by Cynthia Caron

First let me say, I am so very sorry for the way the Karen Klein, the 68 year old woman on the bus, who was treated horribly by the bratty bullying teens with terrible words hurled at the woman. Nobody deserves to be treated that way and those that did the bullying should need to have to make amends by community service, assisting those who cannot help themselves is a good thought, supervised of course.

But I must add...am I right to feel this way? $400,000 raised by caring people from around the world? I want nothing more than to see Karen Klein be able to use that money to fund her living expenses so that she doesn't have to work if she chooses not to. Also to use it towards enjoying precious times with her 8 grandchildren without having to worry how to come up with extra money for each of their birthdays.

However, with that said, I cannot help feeling very sad. Maybe even a bit jealous? It is so hard to raise funds for our 501c3 nonprofit in which we assist law enforcement and families of missing loved ones. Not just "missing" as in, "where is Uncle Joe that moved to Arizona years ago?" and not "I wonder where my high school friend went? I've not heard from him/her in years?" Those are not missing loved ones. Missing loved ones are somebody's child, no matter the age, that disappeared off the face of the earth in the middle of a normal life. One who did not show up to work and was not home for a very important family event. One who would NEVER go missing on their own. One who has children at home wondering where their mommy or daddy is and family not knowing how to explain except to say "We are looking, honey." Why can't their pain and the awful roller coaster ride of not knowing if their child is alive or dead not touch the hearts of the same people who donated to Karen Klein?

I know fundraising is very difficult, trust me…we do it all of the time…yet, our nonprofit existed of 85% of donations by myself out of my own personal funds and those of a few staff members. I know other nonprofits helping families of missing and doing search and rescue experience the very same situation. Our nonprofit, for example, asks for very little. Perhaps a $5.00 donation. If 100 people donated $5.00 that would be $500 and would cover the costs of printing posters for missing loved ones for four families. A far cry from what we really need but every penny helps. We are all 100% volunteers, as are most nonprofits who do not have government grants. We do not draw salaries and our funds are running short. We are doing all possible to reach out and get the public to please take notice of our work, of the pain our families are enduring and of the many more things we want to do for them…and are struggling due to funding. Bank accounts that hold less than $600.

As stated, this is not only for LostNMissing Inc, this is also a problem our families of missing are enduring, as well. They depend on us for services, yet at the same time many are trying to raise funds for searches to bring their children's bodies home. Now that is sad. , Thus far this year we've only raised $1,256 for our organization from public donations. Our families raise an average of $5,000 (if they are lucky) and yet....over $400,000 has gone towards helping this woman who had to endure kids disrespecting her in the most nasty way. WHY do people not care to donate to help find missing loved ones, too? Am I wrong for feeling this way?

It is frustrating. Over 2000 loved ones go missing EVERY DAY. Families are having to halt searches when they have very good leads, media coverage only goes so far...billboards are needed for awareness and the cost is unbelievable! Families need to increase or add rewards. We are of the firm believe that EVERYONE missing...someone holds the answers. We need people to be more accountable to helping these families...people need to have a conscience who have information that can help these families. I believe the reason donations are not coming in is because the general public has no idea what it is like to lose a missing loved one. It doesn't touch their hearts" in the way that they want to help because they've never experienced it" or they feel it is "well covered" or that it happens "so rarely" that it is not truly a cause to support. How wrong they are. Every missing person is someone's missing child.

The networks have reality shows from "evicting people from their apartments" to "chasing hogs in the wild" and they need to really re-focus and start doing some reality shows of what it is like to be a parent of a missing child. Perhaps walk in the shoes of families and the roller coaster ride of pain to see what they are going through. Now that is reality. I hope producers out there start thinking of helping families of missing instead of sensationalizing people who eat drywall and rocks. And I hope those who have the means to donate will consider donating towards any and all organizations that are struggling, without government grants, and who are all 100% volunteers trying to help these families of missing.

Here are just a few nonprofit organizations that are in need of funding:

www.lostnmissing.com LostNMissing Inc.
www.lrcf.org Laura Recovery Center
www.blackandmissinginc.com Black & Missing Foundation
www.ncmissingpersons.org Cue Center
www.projectjason.org Project Jason
www.kristenfoundation.org Kristen Foundation
http://heidisearchcenter.com Heidi Search Center

Won't you take a moment today and donate whatever you can afford? Even if only $5.00. Every bit helps.

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.
PH: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.

   

BE WISE!!!!! Is the child really missing?

 by Cynthia Caron

You could be liable if you are not wise to situations involving missing loved ones, especially children!!

While this may seem harsh...it is important to protect those whose photos are going around saying they are missing. We do not know if they are being stalked or legitimate missing loved ones?

Here are a few policies at LostNMissing Inc and most of those who are advocates for missing should adhere to the same when posting on social media sites :

1. We cannot post missing children without a registration at our org so that we can verify with police if it is a minor under the age of 18. Their immediate family/guardian (who have legal custody) must register them and will be asked to sign a form allowing us to distribute the photo of their minor child. THE ONLY EXCEPTIONS are posters from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children....and media news alerts of missing children.

2. We cannot post missing adults...EVER...without a police contact phone number to verify they are missing and only will share posters that contain police phone numbers.

3. Missing Adults who have alerts in the media news can be posted.

If you have a friend, or a friend of a friend, who has a missing minor child under 18....please tell them to call 1-800-THE-LOST right away (NCMEC) and their local police department. Advise them if they are going to post their missing child's photo to use the name of the reporting police agency and the case number, otherwise...it could be viewed as someone just "stalking" someone or a non custodial parent , or otherwise, trying to find a child's location. THIS IS CRITICAL. Be wise. Protect our youth. ASK for this info before taking a "friend" on Facebook's word that their child is missing. We recently saw this happen not even two weeks ago in which the person looking for a child was NOT the legal guardian and portrayed as if the child was a runaway from their own home...when in fact upon police confirmation....that person did not have custody nor rights to that child and the child was with a parent in protective custody. BE WISE.

Respectfully,

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.

Phone: 603.965.4621
Cell: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.com

Would your kids avoid stranger abduction? My son did.

by Angela Dove

Here’s the story. (Plus tips on how to prepare your child!)



THE INCIDENT

The woman in the car didn’t see my husband. Instead, she saw my 7-year-old son, seemingly alone on the sidewalk outside of the store. She pulled her car up to the curb next to him and called out, “Come here, little boy! Do you want to pet my puppy?”

My son shouted “No!” and backed away just as my husband rounded the stone pillar outside the building where he’d been watching our son run off some of his shopping boredom. The woman caught sight of my husband. “My puppy really is friendly,” she said with obvious discomfort, then drove off. Quickly.



A LARGER DANGER

Now let’s be clear about this: I could describe the woman. I could describe the car. I could name the place where we were. But all of that might give the impression that the danger inherent in this situation is coming from one person in one location. That’s not true. While we gave that information to the police, the fact is, we as parents cannot identify all the dangers facing our children. To pretend we can is to offer them and ourselves a false sense of security—to potentially disastrous results. So instead, let me say this: My son was prepared. He did what he was supposed to, in part because we had acted out this exact same scenario with him and his sister.

As a mom I resent having to tell my kids their world contains people who would take great pleasure in hurting them. I don’t want that to be true, but I don’t have the power to change it. Instead, my only power is to give them tools to protect themselves when those dangers arise. That’s what my mom did, and it worked.

I was ten when a stranger pulled to the curb ahead of where I was walking home alone from school. My mom had warned me and had acted out scenarios with me, so instead of being ignorant of the danger, I veered off the sidewalk and up to the closest front door; that car peeled away from the curb so fast the tires left dark marks on the street. The memory of that moment was enough to impel me to talk to my kids about the dangers of abduction pretty early in their lives.


TRAINING YOUR KIDS

While it’s important to talk to your kids about “stranger danger,” giving your kids the experience of acting out dangerous moments will prepare them better than your words. Think of it like a fire-drill. You can tell your kids, “If the fire alarm goes off, immediately leave the house, go next door to Mrs. Thompson’s, and call 911.” But many families (and every school) practice by walking the kids out of the house. Actions reinforce information, especially in children. So just like walking your kids through a fire drill, you should also act out the most popular ways strangers may try to lure them toward a vehicle or into a secluded area.

First tell your children what to do if approached by a stranger. Shout. Run. Get to a crowded area or another adult.

Second, have a parent or grandparent—a trusted adult—use the following lines on your kids.

“Do you want to come pet my puppy/kitten?”

“Can you help me find my lost puppy/kitten?”

“Do you want some candy?”

“I’m lost. Can you give me directions?”

“I’m friends with your mom/dad and they asked me to give you a ride to where they are.” (For this approach, make sure your kids know (1) you will never send a stranger for them and (2) any family friend who is really supposed to get them will know your family’s secret safety word. Tell them, “Even if nice Mrs. Thompson says we asked her to get you, do NOT go with her unless she knows our secret safety word, APPLESAUCE.”)

Some abductors will forgo any friendliness and instead prey on a child’s fear. They may say, “Get in the car now or I’ll hurt you.” “—or I’ll kill you.” “—or I’ll kill your family.” They may even have a weapon.

In each of these situations, have your child shout “No!” and head toward the nearest adult.

At our house we even placed our hand around our kids’ wrists and talked about what to do if a stranger tried to grab them. Sometimes adults and children alike can freeze in panic if their would-be abductor grabs them. It’s a different level of psychological play at that point, but survivors know not to give up the fight at that point.

When practicing the grab scenario, we had our kids shout, “This is a stranger! This is not my parent! This is a stranger!” (Kids shouldn’t just rely on shouting “Help!” as other adults might possibly believe they are unruly children being removed from public by a frustrated parent.) In our re-enactment we skipped the part where our kids kick or hit the stranger, but we made certain they understood they should do anything in their power to get away, or at least slow the person down while drawing as much attention to them as possible.


REAL LIFE HAPPY ENDING

Seven-year-old Brittney Baxter of Georgia put these skills to the test when a stranger in WalMart tried to abduct her on February 9, 2012. She screamed. She kicked. She hit. And the guy dropped her—and was arrested within the hour. There are a ton of heartbreaking stories out there, but parents wanting to empower their kids with a real life happy ending might want to share Good Morning America’scoverage of the story: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/girl-fights-off-abductor-walmart-15545656

Our family, too, celebrated a happy ending. Even though my son was never in danger—his dad was nearby and watching the whole time—he nevertheless did exactly what he was supposed to do. He yelled. He got to an adult. He remembered the safety rules. And you better believe he got high-fives and ice cream after that.

Angela Dove is an award-winning columnist and author of the true crime memoirNo Room for Doubt: A True Story of the Reverberations of Murder (Penguin Group, 2009). For information about television, radio, and personal appearances visit www.AngelaDove.com

Ayla Reynolds Case: What you see and hear is not always what it seems

by Cynthia Caron

Recently my organization, LostNMissing, along with Ayla's maternal family, held a Birthday Vigil for missing toddler, Ayla Reynolds, of Maine.  Many bloggers and even the media have made comments that I found "interesting" in that it was clear to me that the general public "assumes" that a certain demeanor, or reaction, should be uniform for all families of missing loved ones.

The perception is that those who have a missing child (no matter the age) should never smile, never have "a good day" and should never "celebrate" anything when their loved one is missing.  What they do not realize is what they see and hear is not always what it seems.  Let's take the radio personalities, Mike and Ken, of WGAN radio in Maine.  In their morning show, The Daily Rundown, discussed the Birthday Vigil and described it as "creepy."  (Listen here at: http://podcast.560wgan.com/wgan/3405283.mp3 )

I would like to address comments made by Ken and Mike regarding the Ayla Reynolds Birthday Vigil and it's not that I want to single them out, but rather they gave a very common opinion that I believe should be discussed.

Many times what the public sees and hears is not what one may perceive.  Our organization sponsored the event for Ayla Reynolds along with the maternal family and of course her mom, Trista Reynolds.  While I understand that many comments are made out of opinions from watching news clips and reading articles, that in no way gives the entire background and true happenings with those grieving for their missing child. 

Our organization works with many families of missing and I can assure you that rarely do we have two families that react in the same manner, nor grieve in the same way when a loved one is missing.  Mike and Ken, while commenting on The Daily Rundown, that the "Birthday Party", in which it was not a party…it was a Birthday Vigil, both Mike and Ken agreed that it was "creepy."  Actually, it was quite the opposite.  Some points, that the public is not aware, and I would like to make known a number of important points:

·        When we planned the vigil, back in late February, Trista wanted it to be on Ayla's birthday.  The vigil was planned well over a month in advance due to needing to reserve the public location.  (Many churches turned us away due to media attendance and the fact they held AA meetings and did not want their attendees, who are to remain anonymous, to be caught on a news clip.)  Her hopes was that Ayla would be home by then and the vigil would turn into one of a celebration. The vigil was planned as one of "hope & awareness on the child's second birthday" and not as a "birthday party."

·         When Trista woke up, the morning of the Birthday Vigil and her missing child's second birthday, she realized Ayla was still not home…that phone call never came.  She then  went into a very deep and painful hurting state.  She spent the day in extreme pain and crying from morning until the time to go.  It was extremely difficult to get Trista to attend her daughter's Birthday Vigil. She did not believe she would have the strength to get through it. I assured Trista, as did her mom and all at the house, that she would be fine and that she has many supporters and those that love her would be surrounding her and will be at her side throughout. 

·        Comments were made about Trista noticing a car with Ayla's poster enroute to the Birthday Vigil and how she and her Aunt shouted out to the driver that "Hey! I'm Ayla's mom! Thank you!"  Of course that brought a reaction to her!  She was excited to see that someone else cares!

·        The vigil itself was very important as it held multiple purposes. Mainly it garnered a lot of media attention for Ayla's missing status prior and following the event. That is extremely important as we cannot let the public "forget" Ayla, or put it off that she is deceased with "certainty"… or those who may spot a child that looks like Ayla will invariably not make the connection because they are firm in their beliefs that Ayla is gone. 

·        We do not know that Ayla is no longer here on earth. We do not know if she was "given away", sold or missing through other possible means. We just do not know. For that matter, we do not know with certainty that Ayla went missing on the night she was put to bed on the 16th of December (2011) and "discovered" gone on the morning of December 17th. We do not know with certainty, however, the DiPietro family does. They know because Ayla was in their care. Only they can truly say when the last time Ayla was in that home playing or sleeping. Therefore, we always must keep hope.

·        Hope is important for families to have in order to sustain their own emotional health and to get through the days, and nights, ahead of them. The public also should know that Trista has another baby at home that she must care for. A beautiful baby boy who has many health problems and requires much more care than the "normal" baby of the same age. Trista has to be strong. She cannot let grief overcome her every second of every day…for her small son's sake…she has to remain strong and try to live as normal a life as virtually possible….not only to maintain her own emotional state of mind, but to be there and help her son through his own much needed medical care.

·         On a positive note, while things may seem grim, Ayla's case has not been ruled a homicide, therefore…we will always make pleas for the public to look for her. 

On a side note, our organization has worked with families in which cases have been converted from a missing persons case to a homicide investigation and the missing person invariably was located safe.  We've also had many cases in which we have believed the missing loved one may be safe and the outcome was the person was in fact located passed away.  We quit "guessing" the end result of cases.  Until clear and compelling evidence suggests otherwise…always hope.

·        The negative bloggers were quick to point out the "dancing and singing" at Ayla's Birthday Vigil and if a single one of the bloggers were in attendance they would have noted that Trista was completely up and down with her emotions and pain.  She would go from crying in the arms of family and friends (and yes with real tears) to regaining composure and accepting the love and support of those around her and "joined them" at various intervals with smiles, hugs and yes…dancing for a brief moment which was caught on film.  What was she dancing to? The song that her daughter continually danced to around the house, "Moves Like Jagger."  So if for a brief moment she was able to be distracted from her constant pain and be drawn into the scene of others, the same as her daughter would, then why would anyone dare to turn that into a negative?
  

I have to say that I commend Trista for her strength and abilities in many ways. Her capabilities to project the need for the public to 'Please help find Ayla'  is remarkable. She takes her "45 seconds of opportunity" and presents her feelings, goals and pleas in a way that many who have taken college courses on media relations cannot carry out in the same manner.

So here we have a young mother, with a small baby at home with medical needs, living with a constant heartache of having a missing child… who is overcome with grief one moment and needing to regain composure to do what needs to be done, the next. Who is battling and overcoming addiction, and staying sober…along with the difficulties of being a single parent…having to live a life of financial difficulty, as all young single parents, and having to be dependent on others to help her. Trista is truly an amazing, strong young woman.  Many would not be able to handle just one of the obstacles and pain that Trista is enduring.  She should be commended, not judged.

Yes, I give Trista a lot of credit for all that she is accomplishing.  No parent should ever have to endure this much pain and obstacles in their life. 

You see, I know the real Trista.  The one that is a loving mother.  I've seen her with her son.  I see the pride and accomplishments she talks about with him. I see the life that she is living. I've held her son in my arms while she administered his medications and how she utilized the special adapter for his needed breathing treatments.  She did it with love and with internal pain.  The pain that accompanies a mother of a child with medical needs. I know that same love and pain only too well when I too had to give my infant son multiple medications to control 5 different seizure disorders to keep him alive and from going into status epileptus, of which it happened to him twice.  I recognize very well that same look of love, concern and the need to be strong to advocate for my child.  However, unlike Trista, I had a spouse, a home of my own and was not grieving and living the painful heartache of having a missing child.  I am very proud that Trista was able to make it through the evening with stamina and love she had for all who came to support her.

Ayla Reynolds - now age 2 - Missing from Maine - Dec 2011

So if Trista danced for a few moments to her daughters favorite song, and sang Happy Birthday to her….it was truly for Ayla and for no other reason.  I know. I was there.  I am proud she made it through the evening. She did it and with love for her daughter Ayla.

If anyone has information, no matter how insignificant it may seem, please contact the Maine State Police at (207) 657-3030, your local police or 9-1-1 if you spot her.

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.
PH: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.

Amber’s Thanksgiving

By Sheryl McCollum



Editor's note:  Although this post ran originally at Thanksgiving, 2009, January 13 marks the day that Amber was taken from her family.  We are running it again in her honor and in honor of the Amber Alert system created in her name.

Amber Hagerman would have turned 23 on Wednesday, November 25^th, 2009.  You may not know her name but you certainly know the system that was created for her: the Amber Alert.

On January 13, 1996, 9-year-old Amber Hagerman was riding her bicycle, along with her brother, near her grandparent’s home.  A neighbor heard her scream and saw Amber being abducted.  The neighbor witnessed a man pull Amber off her bike, throw her into the front seat of his pickup truck, and drive away at a high rate of speed. The neighbor called police and provided a description of the suspect and his vehicle. Local radio and television stations covered the story in their regular newscasts.  From that sad day,  the Amber Alert System was developed in an effort to get information out fast to as many people as possible in an attempt to locate and recover abducted children.

On November 23, 2009, an Amber Alert was issued for 2-month old Catalin Hoard.  Police were able to spot the suspect’s truck and give chase.  The suspect stopped the vehicle, got out and ran.  The child was found in the truck and unharmed.  Catalin is now safe and back with her mother.  

On November 24, 2009, an Amber Alert was issued for a 1-month old little boy in South Carolina.  Little Angel Miguel Perez was taken from inside his mother’s car in front of a post office. Witnesses came forward with a description of the suspect, and the police were able to locate Angel alive and unharmed.

On Amber’s birthday, November 25, 2009, an Amber Alert was issued for a 2-year-old boy in Kansas.  Hayden was reported missing when his grandmother took him out of town.  The grandmother has mental health issues and was believed to be off  her medication at the time of the abduction.  Hayden Lane Potter was subsequently found safe and in good condition on the same day that the alert was issued.

Because of Amber Hagerman and the events that happened on that fateful day in 1996, the lives of 3 small, defenseless children were probably saved.

On Thanksgiving Day, November 26, 2009 I called and spoke with Amber’s mother.  I wanted to let her know that we were thinking about her and were remembering Amber.  Amber’s mom was sweet, kind and grateful.  She was ill and spending Thanksgiving alone as to not make anyone else in her family sick.  She was not sad or bitter – she was just thankful for the call and told me to please let my students at the college know how much their cold case work meant to her. 

As I hung-up the phone, I thought not of the past 13 years without Amber, but the past 3 days of located and recovered children.

Today, I am thankful for Amber Hagerman.