Learning From the Dalai Lama

by Jillian Maas Backman

There are certain leaders on this planet that have the uncanny ability to encourage normal people to set aside human-made restrictions. Convince total strangers world-wide to lay down their religious, cultural and social differences to cultivate inclusive global love and promote futuristic spiritual values. One of these living icons right now is his holiness, Dalai Lama the 14th representing six million people of Tibet.

Thankfully, I was gifted a ticket to listen to his public presentation on non-violence here in Chicago Illinois several weeks ago. After fighting through my star-struck groupie disposition, I was able to sit back and watch this historic event unfold before my very eyes.

He delivered a frank and uplifting dissertation on the state of world peace and non-violence. To be honest with you my stomach becomes a titch squeamish when anyone brings up this subject for debate. I would not call myself a septic by any means, but do proceed with caution aligning with movements that seek such pie in sky global aspirations. It does seem a tad out of reach when some people can’t even get along with their neighbor, let alone the entire freaking planet………

However, after hearing this man’s worldly professional reflections on the matter, my mind is shifting ever so slightly to believe this spiritual possibility can become reality. He was very authentic and truthful when sharing his global observations on the status of world peace. He was quick to point out collectively we have made monumental strides towards personal non-violence from the past. Yet there is more elevated spiritual work which still lies ahead. To his credit, he should know. This man has dedicated his entire life to bringing passive methodical teachings into some of the most hostile places on this planet. Countries who have banned this kind of etheric conversations are now allowing the subject to be broadcast in public forums. He explained my generation has been responsibly busy planting seeds of inspirational ideas of peace. Those seeds are starting to take root and insure the children of tomorrow may play in these eternal blooming gardens of non-violence and peace for life.

He was extremely down to earth with his approach to non-violence and shared dozens of simple suggestions. I have taken the liberty to highlight excerpts from the presentation that struck a personal soul cord.

We are all bonded together with one another through our commonalties. (His message)

Common Experiences, Science and Common Sense

Common Experiences:

This one in particular touched every soul in the audience. We all have only one birth mother in a lifetime. A connection, an inceptive union between two people no person can ever destroy or deny. A sacred sacrificial life-force experience passed from ancient mother to contemporary child one family at a time. A universal bond which ties every human being together in one perpetual body and soul. One could say:
As violence strikes one child, it is as if violence has struck my own. (jmb)

Science

He mentioned the emotional feeling of compassion several times over. It’s a commonly used word to describe empathy we have for others. In this instance he added his own flair by tying compassion together with science. Citing several European physiological studies created to observed and document brainwave activity while experiencing compassion for another. They were able to track spikes of brain activity anytime this emotion was identified by subjects. By the end of the experiment they were able to draw the conclusion that most human brains basically register human feelings/ emotions, compassion, in the same duplicative patterns ilregardless of their social, spiritual or regional backgrounds. We are all truly connected by science.

Common Sense

I have always been of the opinion when you start talking about global peace it’s just too hard for people to imagine. This is why I was so excited to hear his thoughts on the subject of non-violence. It is a more relatable subject than global peace to our daily lifes. Violence is something we have all experienced at one time or another in some sick kind of capacity. When this occurs there are only two individual choices to make, withdraw or retaliate.

He reminded us that once upon a time long long ago there were no cities. People lived in small isolated villages spread across the world. Individual survival depended on the survival of the tribe and vice-versa. Every person played an interregnal part of each other’s health and wellness. Violence was not tolerated because every member was essential for their continued existence. Your neighbor’s wellness literally affected the whole. This kind of interdependence created a sense of compassion, respect and love we simply cannot relate in contemporary societies.

For the most part we have become segregated from core groups and left to our own devises for survival. Long gone are the isolated country villages which are being replaced by sprawling cities with cookie-cutter subdivisions. Locking their owners away in single dwelling homes and not to be seen for days. Is this what we have aspired to become? We no longer have to depend on others for individual happiness. Does that mean we have also lost our communal feelings of compassion for others by way of prideful cultural sophistication? We’re just too busy and important to help.

Friends, if we truly want to believe in the miracle of a peaceful world we have to start to recapture our village roots. Even though our petite villages have exploded to expansive civilizations doesn’t mean we are off the hook for feeling compassion for our fellow citizens. It only means we have to make a consertive effort to do so. Define compassion for yourself. What it feels like to have empathy for someone you love and for those you do not yet know. Adapt the ways of ancient communities.

As the Dali Lama stated: "Some things never change, our brainwaves, our single birth mother and the sheer common sense of compassion and spiritual survival."

After it was all said and done for the morning presentation I realized it wasn’t the way in which he said we could reach a peaceful planet, it was his angelic mannerism that struck me so deeply. His weathered round face and contagious smile set the perfect backdrop for his unconscious confident in all of humanity that we can do this.

Sending loving non-violence grace,

Jillian 

Jillian Maas Backman, Author, Beyond The Pews, Breaking With Traditions and Letting Go Religious Lockdown and host of the radio show, CHANGE ALREADY! Your Future, Your Choice! www.jillianmaasbackman.com  

When Others Hurt

by Anne Peterson

Look around. Hurting people are everywhere. In the last couple of weeks I have had some medical tests done, finding myself in and around the hospital. When I see others there, I wonder what their stories are, what they’re going through. Years ago when I lost my mother I remember the impact it had on our family. My whole life changed in a matter of days. I was just 16 at the time and I remember feeling so alone. I am convinced we don’t know what others are going through. We make judgments based on what we see, but we really don’t know their stories.

This week I read a devotion by Lysa TerKeurst, noted speaker and writer with Proverbs 31 Ministry. She told the story of a speaking engagement she had last year in Pensacola. At the conclusion of the conference she was immediately summoned to speak to someone in crisis.

“There has been an horrific tragedy, the speaker was told. Would you please come at once.”

A grandmother attending the conference had just received word that her two grandchildren had been killed in a house fire. This poor grandmother had just spent the prior week with those precious grandchildren and she eventually put them on a plane home. The children did not want to leave her and were crying. Upon returning home their mother’s boyfriend was high on drugs and deliberately set fire to the house, with the children inside.

This woman’s whole life changed in a matter of moments. What could the speaker possibly say to this grandmother in shock. How could she help her as she stood consumed in this sea of grief? Lysa approached her not knowing what she would share at all.

Still, she made her way over to her. When she finally got to her side all Lysa did was quietly mention the name “Jesus,” over and over. Soon the grandmother started repeated it, the police officer repeated it, as well as the paramedics who had come to the aid of this distraught woman. Over and over people within earshot started saying “Jesus.” And though that was the only thing said, a peace started permeating the room and this poor woman started to relax.

One year later when Lysa returned for another speaking engagement she stood with this grandmother once again, hand in hand remembering the events of the previous year. The speaker noticed a peace in this poor woman who had lost something so valuable in a senseless act of violence. They simply stood in silence remembering the event, but also the peace they shared because of turning to God.

Sometimes when someone is in the throes of grief we can be there with them, just sharing in their pain. We needn’t wait till we know what we can say. There are no magic words to take away such deep abiding pain. And yet, our presence speaks volumes to those who are hurting.

Sometimes in our grief others step back. It isn’t that they don’t care, though at the time that is how it feels. Some simply are afraid, lacking experience. Some feel that if they bring up the loved one their friend or family member will hurt. The truth is, they are already hurting.

A friend of mine lost her baby years ago and shared what hurt the worst was not what people said, but those who chose to say nothing. To her, it felt like they were denying the very existence of her child. It made her loss more difficult, and it felt like her loved one was unimportant.

We are human beings and we make mistakes. But, it is still better to make an attempt to console someone than to step back.

Through Hospice, I read a great article about grief and how it helps to get in the bucket with those who grieve, to just be there. Often when someone is hurting they are in their pain and we bring over our own buckets, trying to pour what we have into theirs. The problem is their buckets are already full. What they really need, the article explained, is for us to get in their bucket with them.

Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. When we don’t understand the particular thing someone is going through we can still be there for them, we can share their feelings.

The truth is even if we have gone through something similar to those who are hurting, we don’t know how they feel. We are all different, and we process things differently. In fact, it is helpful if when we are with a hurting person that we don’t say, “I know how you feel.”

Ogle County Hospice printed a story about a young boy who asked his father if he could go across the street to visit their elderly neighbor who was sitting on his porch. This old gentleman had just lost his beloved wife of many years, and the family had talked about how tough it must be for him.

The little boy carefully crossed the street to the neighbor’s house and then climbed on the old man’s lap. The father watched quietly, wondering what kind of conversation the two of them might be having. Soon the young boy came back home and he and his father went inside their own house. As they did, the father asked, “What did you talk about son,?”

“Nothing,” was his reply."

“But, I saw you sitting on the neighbor’s lap, what were you saying?”

The son replied, “I didn’t say anything, Daddy, I just helped him cry.”

A counselor once shared with me his reaction to a doctor’s treatment of a terminal patient. The doctor briefly told the woman in a matter of moments that there was nothing left they could do for her. When asked about his lack of sensitivity, he merely, replied,” That’s not my job.”

Maybe as a doctor he felt that his obligation was met delivering the woman’s prognosis, but as a human being, he failed her. Five minutes spent being with her might have assuaged some of her impending fears. Those few minutes would have given her the message that she mattered.

It’s interesting to me how we are wired as human beings. Personally, I have experienced many losses in my life. It’s something that became familiar at even a young age. Consequently, I am not uncomfortable when someone receives bad news. I don’t feel like backing away, but instead, I am somehow drawn to the person, perhaps remembering how difficult it is at that moment. How the world seems to go on unaware that your whole world has just stopped. Maybe for that moment I can be someone that makes a difference. Maybe I can help in some way.

It’s good to know that God cares about us, that he has numbered the very hairs on our heads. Those are truths we can hold onto. But sometimes, in the midst of our pain, we need to know someone will be there with us, someone who will help us cry or just get in our bucket with us. It can make all the difference in the world.

Shalom!

By Neil Schori

This past week has been tough...I mean really tough.  Sometimes I can be like the little boy who "cried wolf," but bear with me on this one.  One of my little twins got sick and at one point had a 104 degree temperature and she was just a moment away from hospitalization.  My sweet little Ava was diagnosed with both Pneumonia and a bacterial blood infection.  The doctor told me this was very rare.  Well, thank-you-very-much for your statistical analysis, doc, but this is MY daughter, and she is really sick!  

Do you ever feel like the rest of the world should have a greater respect for your circumstances when hell has arrived at your door?  It never does though, does it?  Life keeps going, and bills have to be paid, and you still have to work for a paycheck, and most people pay little to no attention to your seemingly God-forsaken circumstances.  In the midst of Ava's sickness with a capital "S," I was thrown into enormous relational strife in my extended family, and two people in my faith community were hospitalized with some extremely serious conditions.  No end in sight.  Help me.  DEEP BREATH...

Throughout all of these things, I needed peace more than anything.  Rest for my rapidly beating heart and respite for my weary soul.  But I needed peace that was more than the absence of struggle.  I needed that "peace that surpasses all understanding," as the Apostle Paul so aptly described in 4th chapter of the biblical book of Philippians.  But where was it?  I needed something real instead of just theoretical.  

The Gospel of Luke tells us in chapter 2 the Christmas story.  Not the one about Santa and his sleigh.  But about Jesus and his entry into the mess of our lives:

Luke 2: 9-14~ "An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them "Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.  Today in the town of David a savior has been born; he is the Messiah, the Lord.  This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."  Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying: "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."

If you are reading this post, there's a good chance that you or someone you know has been touched by the evil of domestic violence that has likely left you with a voracious desire for true and lasting peace.  I have good news for you today.  The God who loved you so much that he sent his son to earth to suffer for your sin and mine, offers you peace and hope that can't be taken away by any tyranny of man.  I asked God to bring me peace, and he did.  But it was in an unexpected form.  He didn't wave a magic wand take away my struggles or give me the warm and satisfying physical comfort of a fireplace with a side of good hot chocolate.  He didn't even give me silence or the absence of strife.  He did something even better.

You see, God's desire for you and for me...no matter what our circumstances are, is for shalom.  Shalom is the Hebrew word for peace but it means more than what we typically think of as peace.  It isn't the absence of something.  It is the presence of God.  God IS peace.  God whispered to me that he will always be with me, no matter what happens.  And that was just what I needed.  My prayer for you today is that the God of shalom would overwhelm you with the knowledge that you are not forgotten and the feeling that he IS with you.  

Your struggles may not end today, but with you, I wait with great expectation for that day of peace when God will "...wipe every tear from our eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:4)

Breathing deeply while fighting at your side.

Shalom,

Neil

A Home of Peace: Psalms of the Pilgrim

By Karen Rae Elkins

When I'm not studying river maps I will turn to a different kind of map, a treasure map most know as a Bible. It takes me to the places I've been to let me know: I am not alone. The words lead me down the roads I've yet to see. They speak to me of my value on this earth. In the dark hours past midnight, I turned to my Bible for direction. The WHY LORD questions have ceased. They've been replaced with Lord, be the light that directs my steps. When I get to where I'm going, the treasure that I will discover is more precious than gold or silver. It's all about the journey, not the destiny. The Bible opened to this passage: Too long have I had my dwelling among those who hate peace. I am for peace; but when I speak, they are for war! (Psalms 120:6-7). Some may call the message chance, but I know! that I know, it was one of those divine moments when His words came through. It's a Psalm of special meaning. The enemies of peace will fail. I have the will to defeat conflict.

I desire peace, it's what I've wanted all along. Can I embrace the time of peace with the courage to make difficult decisions? Soon. Sweet peace: to gain enough strength to shape my own destiny, to spend precious moments with my children, to make lasting friendships without fear of their getting caught in the crossfire, to know my co-workers and let them into my life. As it is with most scripture, they were more than words when I decided to look deeper into the entire Psalm. Maybe, just maybe, it is my appointed time to move into a new beginning, a season of dreams, a hope fulfilled, a faithful day when I can say I have won the war against his continued attacks. Yes, I am for peace, but he means war. I can't change him. I never could. He has lost, and I have come to understand, he is just not that important. 

My adversity, the abuse, leaving and continued stalking has been for my life in order that I may share my experiences, my knowledge, my victories. I have given up virtually everything to find my life. You too, my sister in silence, may be faced with the same emotions, experiences and decisions. March on, do what you need to do to be strong in the struggles of domestic violence. Take time for yourself. You are important. Be a survivor from the devil who haunts you. Know that, "The Devil is a liar." He'll tell you that you are less than just to keep his control over you. Most of all, "Be safe".

According to  google, Psalms 120 through the final Psalm 134 are the Psalms of Degrees. Some call it the Psalms of Assents. It is described as the Pilgram Psalm. Anyone who has experienced leaving an abusive situation is a Pilgram of sorts. Each Psalm being a step of divine protection for the oppressed living in bondage, and judgment for those who have enslaved. These psalms are often used during the Feast of Tabernacle, which approaches in September. To the man who hates peace, read the Psalm of what awaits in your future. I don't wish anyone harm. I don't wish him anything. Life is about choices. Me? I'm leaving him behind, like a train wreck in my rear view mirror.

I've been writing blogs for Time's Up for eleven months. As I approach the one year anniversary, my pilgrimage, this is what I've discovered from writing. I'm not ashamed to say I blog against domestic violence. I found dignity in my experiences. It's an opening line, a life line in some ways to the women out there who sit silent in their abuse. Abuse comes in many forms.

I've taught myself to do what I have to do in this life to be happy. Fishing makes me very happy. I've found happiness in helping other women in their pilgrimage to leave abuse. I'm reminded of Kim, a woman who once confessed to me, "I can't leave. I can never take care of myself." It's what he had told her so many times that she believed his lie. She moved away from her abusive husband over a year ago and now owns her own home. Way to go Kim. A home of peace. May he never cross under your front door. She called me the other day frantic because he was going to take the car. I reminded her of how far she has come from the day she told me I can never take care of myself. I told her it was the last hold he had on her and to just go buy a car of her own. She did just that. I am so proud of her!  Pretty Amazing, huh? 

I'm keeping my dreams big and my worries small. I've learned it's my journey not the destiny that adds to my life. I love fishing, all the rest are details. No worries are that big. Life is full of obstacles. It's all about the fish in my boat.  Maggie is a young woman who dreams of fishing. Meeting other women who like to fish tickles me. While in the boat together I learned that in her short time on earth she has only known a life of violence. Her father beat her, her step father beat her, and today, her boyfriend hits her. She said, "Karen, I think I've become comfortable with hitting as a way of life. Am I crazy like they say"?  Pretty sad, huh? No Maggie, you are not crazy, that is just what others want you to think so you will continue to accept their fist. I told her she was strong enough to break the chain of abuse. And then, we just fished. I knew just like the big fish on my line, that I had "got one" in the boat and she is destine to break that chain of violence. How can she lose? She is my fishing daughter.

I'm going to chose a life that mean the most to me, not the life someone else has planned for me. I have to close with the story of powerful Mary, who has helped me. She now lives by the saying, "I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6". I had to think about that one. Her story is one of kidnapping and shear horror. Her ex boyfriend held hostage for 2 days. He told her she was going to die. When she escaped, he shot at her as she was running through the neighbors yard. I can't imagine running from bullets. The ex boyfriend never spent one day in jail for his crimes. That's our justice system and that a blog for another day. Because of the experience and the fact that he is out there free to do it again, Mary now carries a gun with her at all times. She encourages other women to own a gun for protection. She instructs them where to go to buy a gun. She points them to the nearest instruction classes and shooting range. Mary always has one strapped to her, one in the car, and one in her Gucci purse. Pretty protected, huh?

I will have peace as I read more deeply into the Psalms of the Pilgrim. I can relate and listen to the women who are leaving what they know for a land of promise. Life is an adventure of the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly. Today is a day of powerful opportunity.Peace can be found around every corner. I'm not ashamed, I have the tee shirt and wear it with grace. 

September promises to be a good month for fishing. Until next time, fish steady my friends.

 

Karen Elkins 
John 3:17 for God sent the Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.