Friday, January 7, 2011

How to Prepare and Plan to Leave the Abusive Relationship

 By Susan Murphy Milano

With so many high-profile cases of missing women in thenews, unsolved, suspicious deaths and cold cases wherevictims seeking a divorce have vanished without a trace or found murdered, I am urging everyone to speak out by spreading the word that a prescription for safety is now available. The video below is one key ingredient to a victim's safety.

I often hear women involved in domestic violence say, “I cannot leave or I'm unable to even pack a bag and sneak it to the car.” Another common problem is when a woman says, “He is constantly watching me, stalking me or he has a tracker on my computer, cell phone or vehicle.”

For most victims the fear of getting beat up or even killed by their significant other if they are caught trying to leave can be paralyzing. Most victims of domestic violence and or stalking do not realize that the person in the relationship is committing a crime. Domestic violence and stalking is against the law.

But for those fearful or unable to seek service from a domestic violence shelter provider, there is a book available that will take a victim from living in fear to a plan, with a roadmap to safety.

The abuser has a plan to control, manipulate and harm. A victim must have a plan that involves being ten steps ahead of their husband or boyfriend when they cannot call police or seek services outside the home because it could be too dangerous for the victim and her children.

Remember, the most important step a victim must do is prepare before they announce the relationship is ending. If something does happen, if you or a loved one suddenly goes missing like Stacy Peterson, Vensus Stewart, Rachel Anderson, Susan Powell, Lisa Stebic, or are found murdered like Monica Beresford-Redmond, Franki Jacobson, Renee Pagel and others, where the person responsible has gotten away with murder, the victim's voice and record of the abuse will be captured and recorded (see below). Do it for your community, friends, family and loved ones.

Do it for the children.

If you are a victim do it for you!

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visit  She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, and wherever books are sold.  Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth ]

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