Monday, September 27, 2010

Am I Under His Spell - Part III

By Sandra L. Brown, M.A.

In the past two columns we have been talking about trance states, dissociation, hypnotic suggestion, and mind control. These are all ways the pathological controls the mind, thoughts, feelings, and ultimately your behavior.

This is not hocus pocus stuff. Trance states, dissociation and hypnosis are all normal parts of the way our body and minds respond to certain physical and psychological conditions. The only argument is if these pathologicals KNOW they are doing it to others! My answer would be yes.  Since they are masters at noticing what works on other people, to that degree, they tweak what works and use it.

Additionally, you may be aware of the seminars, books, websites and now TV shows about "seduction" and the techniques that are taught men about ‘coming in under the radar’ by seducing women through hypnotic methods. My guess is that the pathologicals are teaching their findings to others, passing on the horrid knowledge of their own disorders, and how to covertly attract women subconsciously into sexual relationships. Appalling? You bet. Just one more big WAKE UP CALL for women to pay attention and guard your minds.

Trance, mind control, and hypnotic suggestion are also based on one's own level of "suggestibility."  This is related to how responsive you are to the suggestions and opinions of others. (You may think you are not suggestible. Most people believe they are not. But what determines suggestibility has more to do with temperament traits than your own thoughts about whether or not you are suggestible.) The more responsive you are (to others in general) the more suggestible and easily you are mind controlled or hypnotizable.  Your suggestibility is often influenced by your biology. Women who are highly cooperative and value how others perceive them are more likely to be more suggestible. Our research found that women in pathological relationships tested high in cooperation and valuing how others perceive them therefore we know that you have high suggestibility and are at more risk than other women. 

Additionally, a woman's fatigability highly influences her suggestibility.  Almost all women report high levels of emotional, physical, sexual, financial, and spiritual fatigue with pathological relationships. They take a toll on her, wearing her down until her emotional reserves that would normally not give in, are repressed. At that time when her fatigue level is high, her suggestibility is also high. Tired and spaced out, it's easy to get controlled by him.

Messages that are told to her during tired and spaced out times are recorded deeply and yet often subconsciously. "Can't get him out of your head?" is very real.

The women who participated in our research survey on "women who love psychopaths" showed us just how susceptible this group of women really are to suggestibility, fatigability, and the resulting mind control.  Almost all of the women experienced some form of trance, hypnosis, mind control of "spell bound" symptoms.

Women must understand that "staying in the relationship to figure it out" or "see what happens" or "wait until he works on himself and gets better" is absolutely risky for you. Your ability to be controlled covertly by him is significantly higher than other females. Until women really understand their "at risk" temperament traits and how they affect her choices and TOLERANCE in relationships, she remains significantly likely to either not leave or pick the same way the next time around.

Luckily, The Institute does provide in-depth recover and support services for those leaving pathological love relationships with narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths.


  1. Take the time to read Parts I and II!

  2. I remember a few months after I finally got out, my daughter said "mom, the real you is starting to come back". I started balling. When I think of that now, it scares the heck out of me. I was a walking zombie. Sandra you were truly a huge instrument in me finally getting out and staying out.

    Thank you so much!


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