The Mainstreaming of Chaos

By Heidi Hiatt

“Real” housewives.
Bad girls.
Monster-in-laws.
Talk shows.
Tabloid-like court shows.

These are the new soap operas, the modern purveyors of chaos in American society. We have become captivated by hateful, violent, self-indulgent women without boundaries whose every outfit is worth more than the money it would take to feed several small Indian villages for a day. Their earrings are so extravagant that they appear to be chandeliers ripped from the ceiling of a hotel ballroom, and they have more shoes than Imelda Marcos. They overdo “glamour” to the point that it inhibits their natural assets.

If they were reading this, I’m sure I’d instantly be attacked with all manner of foul language and worn-out gems like, “you don’t know me!”, “talk to the hand!”, “you can’t judge me!”, and “how dare you!” No, I don’t know them personally. But I know the juvenile behavior and dysfunction they are spreading on TV, and they should be ashamed. The men who support and encourage this moral decay should be ashamed as well.

Yes, unlike some critics, I have watched a lot of these shows to figure out what the appeal is. I can see how they become addictive, and how some people feel more secure and normal, as one friend put it, after viewing their debauchery. Unfortunately part of these shows’ appeal (and profit) comes from the cycle of violence they engage in.

As in an abusive relationship, there’s a period in which tension builds between the characters, there’s an explosion of violence, and then a honeymoon period in which the characters make up and bond… until tempers flare again. The best thing that could happen to most of the women on these shows is to stay away from each other. Yet they seem addicted to the drama or hooked on the public attention they get for acting like volatile, backstabbing banshees.

The lifestyles of the women on these shows are portrayed as glamorous and exciting. The age-old lie that money can buy you happiness or class is plastered over every episode. Glamorous and exciting is not what I see though. I see pain. I see emptiness. I see wounded little girls who are still struggling through the effects of their parents’ dysfunction and in some cases, their own domestic violence.

It’s terrible that they have to drink so much to cope and brim with hate and anger to the point that they think it’s okay to attack each other physically and emotionally. Instead of stopping the cycle of violence they may have experienced themselves, they are ensuring its survival through normalizing it and showing the world that it is a way of life. They are letting this demon pillage the lives of their own families and encouraging it to thrive in the families of their viewers.

Whether they are survivors of violence or not, this is wrong. Ever since Jerry Springer came out twenty years ago, shows like these have taught young people that it’s normal to sleep with several different partners at once, have an entitlement mentality, not know who your baby’s father is, and expect your woman to come back to you after you’ve beat her up. Yes, these things would happen if there were no TV. But I would argue that their frequency has increased since the armpits of the airwaves like MTV started marketing them as the “real” world.

People, especially younger ones, tend to emulate what they are regularly exposed to. On that note, I began to wonder what possible appeal Jersey Shorecould have to teens and 20-somethings. So I finally forced myself to watch part of an episode. Basically, a bunch of cosmetically-enhanced attention seekers are thrown together in a house to see who will have sex and who will fight. One word says it all: vapid.

Just minutes into my experiment, amidst an alcohol-fueled club scene, one of the male cast members started screaming at one of the females because she wouldn’t do his bidding. He showered her with a string of epithets that were classic domestic violence offender lingo. Not long after, two other characters got into bed together while the others sat in the living room and discussed the seemingly random hookup.

If you asked these characters (or TV execs) what they think their effect on society is, they’d probably point out all the work they do for charity or how viewers want this. They might think of themselves as fashion icons, role models, or the men and women everyone else wants to be. They probably don’t consider or don’t care that their party-all-the-time lifestyles promote domestic abuse, sexual assault, and unwanted children.

Speaking of children, it seems that a lot of the people on these shows have children. I feel so bad for these kids because their parents’ lifestyles revolve around themselves. In many cases the kids seem like little trinkets, fashion accessories that are displayed at strategic times so others will see what “great parents” they are. I wonder how much of a priority these kids are given their parents’ hard-driving, endless adult social schedule.

Even more alarming is the dysfunction and violence these children are exposed to. In these shows dad takes a swing at the uncle, the uncle and his entourage verbally lambast dad with their limited vocabulary of mostly four-letter words, dad stalks the uncle by text, and on it goes. The mothers scream and claw at each other over Christmas presents and allegations of cheating and fraud abound. These poor kids are lacking consistent positive role models who can demonstrate mature behavior without resorting to violence.

There may also be psychological problems at play in some of these programs and there is definitely substance abuse. Some characters on these shows act like poster children for borderline personality disorder and narcissism. These are real disorders that need treatment and are not a joke. They are treated like a joke by these shows. Instead of the people exhibiting such symptoms seeking assessment and treatment, their aggressive behaviors are encouraged and then immortalized in “reunion” episodes.

There are a few women on these shows who seem sincere and genuinely concerned about others. The others seem to be the mean girls from high school, who think they are “all that” and make sure that everyone is mesmerized by their charitable efforts to reach “lesser” folk. That really encapsulates shows likeReal Housewives for me– women who never matured beyond high school. They have a herd mentality and whatever good they do is to promote themselves. They have a deluded view of their own beauty, not realizing how intensely ugly their backstabbing, loose ways make them.

While thinking about this whole “housewives” phenomenon, a verse from the Manufacturer’s Handbook entered my mind that makes the above point better than I can. Proverbs 11:22 says, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.” D’oh! Any questions?

Now I like pigs, but they do tend to get dirty and eat gross things. The author knew exactly what he was saying in this Proverb though and his thought is valid and timeless. These “real” women have a glaring lack of boundaries and continually return to volatile situations they should just stay away from. Some of the fellow cast members they call “friends” are more like two-faced enemies and whatever truces they call don’t last.

Friends are going to have problems from time to time; we’re human. Personally I wouldn’t keep going back to “friends” who are always trying to find fault and tear me down. Friends are there to accept you as you are and build you up. They’re your support network, your shoulder to lean on, your confidantes. They’re good for you.

If your “friends” continually violate your boundaries and/or don’t like you unless you act like them, let them go. That’s not a friend. That’s not respectful. They’re not interested in your success. You’re their entertainment, their punching bag, and their blood supply. They are vampires with empty tanks who try to quench their inner emptiness and feel better about themselves by sucking the life out of you.

There are other Proverbs that describe the self-absorbed, emotionally unbalanced dynamic that makes these shows so popular:

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:6)

A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand. (Proverbs 27:15 & 16)

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (Proverbs 21:9)

Those who trust in their riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf. (Proverbs 11:28)

For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. (Proverbs 5:3 & 4)

There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community. (Proverbs 6:16-19)

Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife. (Proverbs 17:1)

Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house— too much of you, and they will hate you. (Proverbs 25:17)


I have a concept for a new TV show using the same cast members, and I might watch it. I’d like to see these people learn proper boundaries and respect. They should also be educated about domestic violence so those who need to can get out of their situations they’re in and stop portraying violent behavior as normal or as something “sophisticated” people do.

Many should learn to prioritize their lives and to be better examples for their children. They should learn to fight back against the dysfunction and denial that engulf them. Some should receive treatment for alcoholism and drug abuse. They need to learn that they don’t need alcohol to have fun or survive a social gathering. They need conflict management skills.

Ultimately, I feel bad for these people. All their showy wealth and social gatherings can’t give them what they really need. They can’t expect other people, or material things, to fill a God-shaped hole in their heart. The acceptance and love they so desperately need isn’t going to come from one more boyfriend, or one more round of holding a drink above their head and shaking their hind end while saying “whoo!” Only their Heavenly Father can do that for them.

I appreciate the material gifts God provides as well as fashion. I’m not a Puritan who dresses in sackcloth and believes deep spirituality only comes from deprivation. I’m not criticizing those who watch these shows but the people on them. I just don’t like how the housewives, monster-in-laws, Kims, Parises, and other attention seekers whose need for fame has kicked into overdrive as they compete for magazine covers and screen time have become “worthy” of imitating.

What these people are doing is teaching a generation of young men and women that violence, abuse, and self-destructive behavior is normal. Their public personas are mainstreaming chaos, and not only is it harming relationships, families, and the self-image of other Americans, it makes our enemies hate us even more.

Normalizing domestic violence, substance abuse, a lack of boundaries, aggressive behavior, mental problems, and standing idly by while others are being abused is fueling an increase in narcissism. It is a rot in the fibers of our society. This “me me me me me me me” crap may be an exciting roller coaster ride of drama, but it’s a setback for women and for civilization. I challenge these reality stars to get public control of their demons and to start reaching out to the lives such chaos destroys.


We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and private: and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship. -C.S. Lewis

Heidi Hiatt, MA recently graduated as a Forensic Psychologist.  You can read more of her posts at her personal blog, Truth, Justice, and All-American Allergen-Free Apple Pie Straight Talk in a Crooked World

Teen Mom - The Good, Bad and Ugly

By Susie Kroll

Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant are weekly series on MTV. MTV camera crews follow the pregnancy and first years of life of a teenage mother. In the beginning, I watched the show due to its popularity with my target audience of teens. The crew left little to the viewer’s imagination when it came to all of the irritations, pains, relationship drama, parental drama, and birthing process. The viewers got to see how these young girls learned to or didn’t learn to cope with the seriousness of becoming a teen mom.

There were angry parents, sad parents, and even parents that were very celebratory of the impending newborn. Though I had to wonder how much of it was because the cameras where with them 24/7, how much was scripted, and how much with truly the chaos that existed in each family. MTV made no secret of how hard labor was, how each teen and sometimes the baby’s father struggled with money, and even how as new parents these teens couldn’t let go of their teen mentality and step up to the plate of responsibility.

If I were a teen watching this show, I would be thinking to myself, “I am never going to have unprotected sex.” I would also be thinking, “Labor looks like it sucks.” Finally, I would think, “I am way too into myself and what I want to even consider having a kid at 16 or so.” So, the Good, MTV does a pretty good job of portraying the hardships that a teen mom may face. There was no shortage of financial difficulty, parental judgment, and baby daddy drama. The series makes teen pregnancy look pretty unappealing.

Unfortunately, there is also no shortage of domestic violence, teen dating violence, verbal abuse, and child neglect. One teen mom in particular has been charged with multiple counts of domestic violence against her baby’s father. She was shown, on the series, punching and hitting her baby’s father. She even attempted to kick him down the stairs, all while their little girl of 2 watched. Another teen mom slapped her boyfriend on the face. Still another received verbally abusive texts and voicemails from the father of her baby, whom later in the series she decided to let move in with her and the baby. The abuse is not solely between the teen mothers and their baby’s fathers. Sadly, one teen mom endured some of the most horrible and abusive verbal violence from her own mother. This teen mom struggled to be the daughter that her mom could love by cleaning their house, trying to shop with her mom, and even reaching out to her with heart-felt dialog. She was met with some of the most awful, hurtful, and damaging verbal abuse I have ever seen aired on national TV.

So the Bad, MTV crews filmed horrible verbal and physical abuse. MTV did do follow up shows with Dr. Drew Pinsky that touched on the violence on the show and talked with the teen moms, abusers, and fathers. I think it did little to detract from the violence. All of the follow up specials were overshadowed by the filmed violence and other parts of the series. I believe it wasn’t handled as deeply as it needed to be to show viewers the seriousness and unacceptability of the incidents.

If the purpose of creating shows like Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant were to dissuade teens from becoming just that, teen moms, I believe in the beginning they would have been successful. The series showed, to the best of its ability, the ups, downs, and struggles of becoming a teen parent. MTV illustrated the loss of friends, personal time, sleep, a childhood, money, relationships, and even not graduating from high school very clearly. Regrettably, these shows had huge side effects. The public demanded to know more. We didn’t want to end with these girls saying they wish they would have waited to become parents. No, we wanted to see what happened next, who they ended up with, how the babies were doing, and if certain situations resolved themselves. This created a media frenzy. These girls became celebrities in what seemed to be overnight.

Their faces were plastered all over the supermarket tabloids (and still continue to be). After all, it is cheaper for these magazines to pay for interviews and photos of these teen moms then say the Reese Witherspoon’s and Angelina Jolie’s of the world. Suddenly, these girls are rubbing elbows with Bristol Palin and other celebrities. They are having what looks to be story-book weddings immortalized in tabloids with beautiful dresses and flowers. Many of these teen moms are living their 15 minutes of fame out right now. They have booking agents, are writing books, modeling, booking interviews and photo shoots, and even competing the spots on Dancing with the Stars.

So, the Ugly, if I was a teen and I was seeing this, unexpectedly, teen pregnancy looks pretty glamorous. If I wanted to be famous, get rich, and be on TV, now I have been given a road map to see if I can make it happen. If I was faced with single parenthood, welfare, no education, and life in a small town, the shining lights of MTV and Hollywood would be too tempting to pass up. Suddenly, the hardships don’t look so hard.

MTV’s message of safe sex and education is lost among the glittering lights of the paparazzi, booking agents, and nice paydays. Even more so, the violence, domestic, teen, and verbal are completely lost in the flurry of makeup artists, TV interviews, and Hollywood glitz. I completely disagree with making domestic and teen dating violence look like a small price to pay for fame, fortune, and forgetting about the most important thing, the babies.

Susie Kroll is a nationally known speaker and educator on the issue of Teen Dating Violence and Healthy Relationships.  She is also a regular contributor to "Ask the Experts" column in Reasons To Be Beautiful magazine.

An Intentional Media Stunt or Has MTV Accidently Crossed the Line?

By Pamela Chapman

SKINS Chick. That was the message sprawled in large white letters across the back window of a cherry-red, 2008 Toyota pickup sitting in the airport parking lot. I immediately thought Skin Heads, snarled, and continued moving quickly toward the terminal. I never gave the words a second thought. That was until a few days later. Fox Cable News and The Sean Hannity Show were running a piece which began like this, “The risqué MTV show, Skins, may have violated federal child pornography. Publicity stunt or has MTV crossed the lines of child pornography statues?”

I turned up the volume on my flat screen immediately. What the heck did I just hear? Thank goodness for DVR; I rewound the sound bite. Unfortunately, I hadn’t misheard. Hannity’s guest panel was providing debate around whether MTV had intentionally crossed the line and aired a risqué piece or had they plotted a well-thought publicity scheme. MTV has gotten plenty of PR around this and, yes, I’m giving them more. I believe we have grown to be a society who hides its head in the sand like an ostrich. I believe we believe if we ignore our debauchery and social maladies they will go away. Not so.

On January 23, 2011 the New York Times writer, David Carr, wrote “’MTV’s Naked Calculation Gone Bad.’ What if one day you went to work and there was a meeting to discuss whether the project you were working on crossed the line into child pornography? You’d probably think you had ended up in the wrong room. Last week my colleague, Brian Stelter, reported that on Tuesday, the day after the pilot episode of “Skins” was shown on MTV, executives at the cable channel were frantically meeting to discuss whether the salacious teenage drama starring actors as young as 15 might violate federal child pornography statutes.

No one at MTV, which is owned by Viacom, set out to make child pornography, but make no mistake: the series is meant to provoke. “Skins”—a title that derives its name from the rolling papers that are used to make the blunts that go with the vodka that washes down the pills that accompany the hookups—is mostly about explicitly teenage characters doing explicit things. In a cluttered programming era, controversy is oxygen, so MTV was undoubtedly happy with the tsk-tsking the show incited in advance. But objectifying teenage pathology, along with teenage bodies, is a complicated business— and the business that MTV is in.” 

My mind began to reel. I thought of my grandchildren ranging between the ages of four and eighteen. My mind went back to the large letters sprawled on the cherry-red pickup, “Skins Chick” and the other four words that accompanied, “I Just Don’t Listen.” As I continued to watch, the panel on Mr. Hannity’s show began to explain what this new show on MTV was all about. As briefly as possible, Skins is a realty TV series portraying the “real” problems teens face: drugs, alcohol, sexual desires/anxieties/encounters, bullying, parental clashes, etc., etc

Skins portrays young adults (teens) drinking irresponsibly, dropping pills, having wild sex,  and more. Again, its youngest actor is fifteen years of age. What is getting MTV all the publicity is a preview for the series that shows a teen running down the street from a wild party, naked, supposedly with an erection after having taken either Viagra or Cialis. The young man is 17 in real life. So, again, the question is whether MTV crossed the line.

This new show is supposed to be written for adults, MTV argues. LOL! A huge LOL! What adult in their right mind is going to sit around watching this kind of garbage? Let’s see. Let me think about it a couple of minutes. I don’t need to think long just like you don’t. Unfortunately, we know the answer all too well: pedophiles, child molesters, and the sexually perverted. The first show had 33 million viewers which included many of our children.

For God’s sake, can we not see why some countries see us as the devil? Yes, anyone can argue that our children are exposed to this every day. But does that make it right for MTV to target and exploit young people, glorify sexual immorality, promote drug use, and illicit behavior? The Hannity Show shared a photo, from MTV, of a group of young people naked all lying on top of each other inferring an orgy.

In Holy Scripture, the Book of Matthew, Chapter 24, verses 15-16 reads, “So when you see standing in the holy place the abomination that causes desolation, spoken of through the prophet Daniel—let the reader understand— then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains.

There has been great discussion by religious scholars over what the abomination of desolation is. I believe when we sell our children’s souls for the mighty dollar and sacrifice their lives on the altars of greed that is the abomination that causes desolation (wretchedness, bleakness, devastation). Is there any doubt desolation has hit our world? Times Up! Blog is not a religious arena, so I’m going to refrain from delving into this any further.

Let me ask: Where do we draw the line? When did we just give up! When did we decide it was okay to sell our children anything and everything? When did we decide to lie down and allow the networks to rape, pillage and ravage our children’s hearts, minds and souls? Why and how did we become so depraved and decadent? Are our minors so invaluable? Is our future so bleak, so dark that it’s not worth fighting for their lives and very souls? How did we become so complacent?  What’s up with parents? Don’t we care anymore? Are our 9 to 5’s, our homes, and aluminum cars, that lose half their value once they’re driven off the lot, more important?

Skins is programming out of Britain. May I dare to suggest that we lock out MTV until MTV gets the message and sends Skins and all of its other depraved programming packing? Can we tell them we don’t want them influencing our children anymore? Parents take back your homes. Win back your children in love. Teach them what they need to know about unprotected, early sex. Find self-esteem programs run by people who really care and get your children involved!

MTV promotes music videos portraying young girls lying across the laps of gangsters suggesting disgusting, lewd acts of sex. And, trust me, I believe what happens between a man and woman in their bedroom is sacred—no matter what it is; but, to cheapen and lessen what God has made beautiful, to exploit women and children, glorify violence, profanity, and immorality is an abomination.

I took a stand in my home years ago and fought for my son’s soul. I’m willing to take a stand and fight for them all. What about you? Are you the ostrich with you head in the sand; or are you willing to take a stand and fight for what is right for women and children in this country—these United States of America? We’re only as strong as our weakest link.

I only have one thing to say to Viacom, MTV and their Skins show. Get the Hell Out of our living rooms and go back to Britain. Whether this was a MTV publicity stunt or not, the young man in the commercial is 17. Whether you air the show or not, doesn’t matter either. MTV you are in the business of child pornography. You crossed the line in this instance; and you crossed the morality line years ago.