Stalking and Teens: How Dangerous Is It Really?

 By Susie Kroll

Doesn’t it seem like everywhere we turn there are stories about stalking?  Numerous celebrities are or have been stalked by some crazy person.  So, it must only happen to famous people, right?  Let us not forget that the media’s portrayal of these stalkers is less than accurate for the rest of society.  What I mean is we’ve seen the mug shots on TV or in magazines.  Or we have heard the reports of sample communications between the stalker and victim.  Usually they are full of misspellings, crazy ideas, and the pictures of the stalkers usually consist of wild hair, orange jail jumpsuits, and strange eyes.

If I were a teen being exposed to this, I would assume a few things.  One, that stalking happens to people other than little ol’ me.  Two, the victim has to be rich, famous, or in the media’s spotlight for one reason or another.  Three, the victim has to be one of the “beautiful people” that everyone wants to know or be like.  Four, stalkers are strangers to the victim.  Finally, all stalkers have to be missing a few screws, nuts, crazy, maybe a little off balance, in other words mentally ill.

What do I have to say to that? Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.  According to the Stalking Resource Center, annually 3.4 million people are victims of stalking.  Even though all 50 states and the District of Columbia, and most US territories have laws against stalking, only 37% of male stalking victims and 41% of female stalking victims report these events to law enforcement.  In addition, the Stalking Resource Center reports that 75% of all victims know their stalkers.  Of that percentage, 30% are former or current intimate partners or spouses.   Finally, the Stalking Resource Center states that while some cases of stalking involve a stalker that is mentally ill, there is no evidence that all stalkers are mentally ill. 

The Webster’s New World Law definition of stalking is: A form of harassment generally comprised of repeated persistent following with no legitimate reason and with the intention of harming, or so as to arouse anxiety or fear of harm in the person being followed. Stalking may also take the form of harassing telephone calls, computer communications, letter-writing, etc. See also cyber-stalking and harassment.

Stalking can have serious repercussions for the victim including changing jobs, residence, phone numbers, daily routines, and even their identities, in order to protect themselves.   In this day and age, stalking has a new method of mayhem, technology.  Caller ID, cell phones, GPS, website histories, emails, public record searches, and social networking are just a few of the new ways someone can keep tabs on you. 

For Teens, stalking takes on a whole new dimension.  While an adult being stalked can feel like a prisoner, they have certain freedoms teens aren’t usually afforded.  An adult’s stalker may not work at the same place they do nor do they hang out at the same place as the victim for 8 straight hours or more on a daily basis.  Since 75% of all victims know their stalkers it is safe to say that most teens also know their stalkers.  Where do teens spend most of their time 5 days a week? School.  Where do they know most of the people in their lives from? School.  The next likely conclusion, their stalkers also go to school with them.  Now, can a teen leave school at any time, change schools easily, or exert the type of control over their environment that an adult can?  Not likely. 

There in is the new dimension of stalking for teens.  Stalking for teens is more easily concealed from adults not just because teens are less likely to report but also because their stalkers blend easier, as they have to be at school also.  Combine this with the fact that the victim and stalker also may be in certain classes together and you have an intense pressure situation.  Then, in comes the technology.  Stalkers have texting, caller ID, GPS, and social networking, in addition to the rumor mill to keep tabs on their victim.  Friends can inadvertently pass along information to the stalker by just taking what they did over the weekend with the victim.  Or the stalker can see what is going on by viewing Facebook or MySpace pages.  This is especially easy if the victim does not know how to best secure their pages from prying eyes.  Even more scary, is even if someone’s page is totally secure and only viewable by their friends there is still a danger of access.

 Consider this scenario:  Jill and Dan were dating for 6 months before she broke up with him.  Dan is upset about the break-up and he just won’t leave Jill alone.  He shows up at her soccer practice, has 3 classes and lunch with her, and also rides the same bus home.  Dan repeatedly texts and calls Jill.  Jill and Dan have friends in common, friends like Ann and Jake.  Even though Jill un-friended and blocked Dan after the break-up she didn’t un-friend Ann or Jake.  Jake and Dan are hanging out at Jake’s place after school and Jake is not aware of Dan’s stalking.  So, Dan takes advantage of this by asking Jake about his Facebook account.  With some clever conversation, Dan is able to see Jill’s page again by viewing it through Jake’s account.  Now he knows what Jill is saying to people, where she is going, and possibly if she is interested in or seeing someone new.

So what is a teen to do?  Teens need to be made aware of the dangers of stalking via technological advancements and social networking sites.  They also need to feel like they can talk to a trusted adult without fear of having their issues minimized because they are, after all, “only teens”.  Stalking is a serious topic that has serious consequences.  Stalkers don’t often give up if ignored.  In fact, the direct opposite occurs.  Over time, the stalker’s behavior can escalate and become even more threatening.  It may feel nice, at first to have someone pay so much attention to you but it is never okay to stalk.  Seemingly innocent infatuation can be legally considered stalking and quickly become dangerous. 

As parents, trusted adults, advocates, and caregivers, we can become educated about stalking.  We can learn the ins and outs of it and what the legality is in the state we reside in.  We can teach our teens about the differences between innocent infatuation and a dangerous situation.  We can listen when a teen talks to us about what is happening and take it seriously.  We can educate ourselves and our teens about technology and how to safeguard ourselves.  If the idea of technology is scary, have your teen teach you.  It is a great way to open up a dialog and make sure they know how to keep safe.

Together we can end stalking by teaching our teens and we may even save their lives.

All of these statistics and additional information can be found at the National Center for Victims of Crime’s website, www.ncvc.org.   For more information about Susie Kroll and Teen Dating Violence visit www.susiekroll.com

How To Prevent A Loved One From Going Missing.

By Cynthia Caron

There is nothing worse than not knowing what happened to a missing loved one.  Just ask any family who is going through the daily fears and emotions.  It’s like a roller coaster ride that you cannot exit.  Is it possible to help prevent a loved one from going missing?  In some cases the answer is yes. Other times a loved one vanishes and there is no way that it could have been preventable.  However, let’s talk about ways that one can help prevent a loved one from going missing.

A common occurrence in the summer are those who go missing due to hiking, swimming or camping solo.  This is never a good idea. Always have a buddy with you.  If you want to hike alone, please bring the necessary emergency supplies that you may need in case something should happen and you may get lost.  Swimming in a lake or ocean is never a good idea to do alone. Too many possibilities exist in which one could have a medical episode, unknown prior, and become lost in the water and essentially drown. While camping is fun, and therapeutic, location is always important. Do not camp on mountain peaks that are close to ledges. There were two cases this past year of people who have actually rolled off cliffs during their sleep.  Also, the same as hiking.  Should one decide they are going on their own to please have emergency supplies, flares, and always let others know the location of where you will be.  Personally I advise to never go alone however I know many people may like the idea of just being with themselves for the quiet and calm of nature. 

Do not let your children lead you.  I cannot stress the importance of this statement.  Far too many children are spending nights at friend’s homes and their parents are not communicating.  Your child must always ask you for permission and it is the responsibility of adults to communicate with each other.  If a child wants to sleep at your home, you have an obligation (legally) to chat with the child’s parents to verify and obtain permission.  Too many times children are reported missing and law enforcement is used when it was a matter of non communication between the adults.

Never let children walk to and from friends homes alone. This should be a no-brainer, however, even in the best of neighborhoods a predator can happen upon a child who is alone.

Cell phones are very important. Always enable your child/teen to have their cell phone. Never ground them and remove their phones when they are away from home. If they are grounded from cell phone use, always give it back to them should they go outside.  Cell phones can be a great GPS tracker should your child be missing. Unfortunately, disposable cell phones do not have this feature. Add your children to your present phone plan and be sure they have a phone that has GPS capabilities. By merely keeping their cell phone on can help aid in locating them.  There are also a number of cell phones that you can actually track your child while they are out.

Always know who your children are with at all times.  Know the parents. Know Who, What, Where and When anytime your child ventures out for an outing.

Who are you going with?

What are the plans?

Where are you going?

When is the outing and what time is it over?

Make it a weekly habit to check for registered sex offenders in your neighborhood. You can even sign up to be notified when one moves in. See:http://www.familywatchdog.us/

For single moms, and dads, it’s critical that any boyfriend that you bring to your home that you have a complete background check BEFORE bringing them. This can cost as little as $25.00 and is vital for the safety of your children.  Regardless of who it is…or how you met…ALWAYS do a background check before putting your children into the lives of someone else.

For those who have cognitive disabilities, such as  Alzheimer’s, autism or other disorders are prone to wandering and could become a missing loved one.  There are a number of products that you can purchase to help keep you alerted to the possibility of your loved one who may wander.  Some of these items can be found under Products at http://www.lostnmissing.com . At the same time, take advantage of a free registry in which you can pre-register those who may possibly wander and become missing at www.missingpatient.com . Should they go missing, all the vital information is held and can be transmitted to your local police department within moments so that a search can proceed.

When adults want to go out to have a good time, always have a designated driver and ALWAYS stay in groups at all times. Young men and women can go missing by circumstances not of their own choice.  Statistically it is much more difficult for an abduction to occur when in groups.  Many times people think only children are abducted. This is not true. Adults are abducted, as well.  There have been a large increase of adults being abducted for use of their ATM card and even being murdered following. This is a terrible crime to happen and in some cases can be prevented if one does not venture off alone or stays in groups.

Sometimes it is not always possible to have a buddy.  In those cases, it is always helpful to have mace, a stun gun or to take a self-defense course.  There are many who work late and may need to walk to their car alone.  Be prepared in case you’re approached.

Staying safe is important. Keeping your loved ones safe is always important. There is no need to be overly paranoid…just a bit of common sense and safety measures can mean the difference between arriving home safely and becoming a missing loved one.  You are important to your family and they to you… let’s help keep each other safe.