Purpose Driven

by Lavinia Masters

Sometimes in life we find ourselves so stressed out and overwhelmed with our circumstances that we become just plain exhausted from trying to continue on especially after so many problems, issues and trauma. In our minds we began to wonder why are we here…what is life really about…was I designed to live, work hard-only to die one day without anything or defining my life’s worth or ever knowing my true purpose.

As a person you realize that you have tears but why do we shed them…are they only to be shed for pains and sorrow or will we ever get to the point where we will shed them for joy. Then I realized that we all have feelings but why do we hold them in…are they apart of us to be hurt and to only experience some of the most excruciating pain or traumas that this life can bring or will we ever use them to experience joy and laughter or that type of love that is unprejudiced and unconditional.

Defining our life and purpose can be like an open dictionary as for many of us it has so many descriptive words with various meanings. To others is a tedious journey as they set out to discover who and what they are…why they feel the way they do or experience the things they have encountered-it appears to be a long and winding road that one must continue to travel until they get to their end…which unfortunately many interprets as death. I need to you to understand that life should not always equate to death but should be paralleled with purpose and when we get to this defining moment in our lives we should all ask ourselves…what is my purpose in this thing is called life.

Honestly I feel that my defining moment was that the night of July 31, 1985 when I was brutally raped by the hands of a deranged stranger. I survived that ordeal with many questions, much confusion and major pains physically and emotionally. However as I rose above the ashes of victimization I was like Nehemiah when he said that he saw the distress they were in as Jerusalem lied in waste and the gates thereof were burned of fire as he told them to come and let us build up the walls of Jerusalem that we may be in no more reproach…in other words no more shame.

You see Nehemiah knew that he had purpose and had to build the walls even though he was in great sorrows yet the destruction that was behind him was not greater that the victory that was before him as he realized that life was not over for these walls unless he saw no hope for his future. He recognized that there was no use in “rebuilding” those things that was destroyed but to “build” or start over and pick up where life left him in distress and seek new beginnings.

As victims of sexual violence we too are in great distress. Many of our lives are like the walls of Jerusalem and just as those walls were destroyed so was your confidence, your faith, your passions, your securities, your truths, your laughter, your trust in man and for many your trust in God. The gates that guarded our hearts and minds may have been consumed with the fire of maliciousness and deceitfulness of men hearts but we must build so that there will no more shame in your life.

Please know that the hand of God is upon you and you have to build. You must build so that others will no longer see your brokenness, your agony that comes with defeat, your nakedness as you lie exposed as a victim and not a victor…build with those things that will make you stronger and more secure before your attack.

Once you realize that the God of heaven will prosper you as his servant can build with courage, forgiveness, confidence, empowerment, motivation, faithfulness, hope for your future but most importantly the trust in God that when he said in His word that He will prosper you in your construction…that He will do just that.

Please allow your hands, body, mind and soul to be strengthened so that you may build the walls of your life…the same life that the enemy tried so violently and viciously to destroy as a result of sexual trauma or any other trauma that left you standing alone among the ashes. 

• With purpose you have wings to rise above your ashes and or past hurts. 
• With purpose you have the strength to build no matter your present condition, state or circumstances. With purpose you have the confidence in knowing that one day your life will be restored no matter how long it seems to take. 
• With purpose you continue to love and forgive others no matter what they have done or attempted to do to you. 
• With purpose you build your life over even in the midst of doubters, haters and all the nay-Sayers. With purpose you realize that you can do all things though Christ that strengthens you…but you have to realize and do it with purpose. 

Unfortunately in this old life we will have many things that we will encounter and many hardships that we must endure. Some will be sorrowful and bring us much pain and disappointment while at the same time make us feel that all hope is lost…but we must find our defining moments and realize our purpose in the midst of our pain. This is when you can build; this is the moment you must stand in confidence as you know that God has His hand upon you.

I am sure that Nehemiah wept as he saw the walls and gates of Jerusalem destroyed just as I did for years after I was victimized by my assailant but just as Nehemiah knew that the walls had to be restored- I knew that I had to recover all in my life…therefore my house went under construction. Now that I realize my purpose…the tears I shed are of great joy and gratification. The feelings that I now experience are no longer filled with defeat and pain but of great triumph and victory. I am that Phoenix that rose above the ashes and defined my moment with purpose. Now I look forward to the day that you realize that you are a survivor; define your moment, find your purpose and build your house. Construction is a process and so is your healing.


Lavinia B. Masters is the Founder of S.A.V.E. Ministries which assists victims of sexual abuse and intimate partner violence in the Dallas, TX area, and the author of Breathe Again.

How can we Help?

by Anne Peterson

*   An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.

*   85% of domestic violence victims are women.

In college, while doing research about domestic violence I found a link with people who were abused while growing up and those who became victims of domestic violence. Women who have been abused while children grow up with feelings of shame. They somehow feel they deserve what happens to them.

A victim of domestic violence feels he/she can help the abuser.

A victim doesn’t realize the severity of his/her situation.

In their book, Safe People, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend talk about why some people seem to pick unsafe people.

“One of the chief reasons that we pick destructive people is that we are unable to judge character. Many times, when we are choosing important people in our lives, we do not think of character as the main factor. We look at how we feel, to whom we are attracted, or what seems to “pull” us towards a certain person. Our choices are very subjective.”

Having lost my sister, Peggy to domestic violence in September, 1982 I have given a lot of thought to her life. Although we were not aware of what she had endured in her 10 years of marriage, we were shocked when she was eventually declared dead after being missing for over 20 some years.

People ask why a victim stays in an abusive relationship. Many times a victim will stay because they honestly believe things will improve. When reality hits that this is how it’s going to be, some make the decision to leave the marriage. That’s when things get heated. In my sister’s case, once her husband realized she was divorcing him, then things got worse.

Looking back on her situation I am surprised she kept so much to herself. Victims often feel a sense of shame at not being able to keep the relationship together. The truth is, one person cannot make a marriage work.

Hindsight is 20/20. We wish we had known what was going on in my sister’s life all along. Maybe then we would have been in a position to help her.

Many times the victim will isolate herself from family members or friends. When they need others the most, they pull back.

Today many organizations exist whose main objective is the safety of those who are victims of domestic violence. These places provide safe havens for those who are battered. The vicim’s whereabouts are kept confidential to insure safety for her and family members. With safety experienced the victim is then freer to really look at her situation and to decide how she will proceed.

How can we help women who are in unhealthy relationships?

Be a listener. Hurting women need to talk.

Let the victim vent. It has been a while since they felt safe enough to express their feelings.

Look for tangible ways to lend a hand. Do they emotional support with their children?

Victims need a plan.

Encourage the victim to have a plan. A counselor once told her client to decide ahead of time a plan of action for the next time the partner was abusive.

Important components of that plan include:

Choose a safe place you can go. Make it a place that your partner is unaware of.

Make sure you have some money put aside. Don’t advertise that you have money.

Have a person you trust as a confidant.

If the victim does not take care of herself then she is not in a position to take care of others.

Truths for victims:

You will attract people who are as healthy as you are. Women can work on becoming emotionally healthy. Finding someone who can help them navigate this part of their lives is crucial.

Make sure you have support. Our emotions cloud our vision. Another perspective helps us see more clearly.

Your relationship does not define who you are. A partner does not make you more valuable than you are.

Learn that you are a woman of dignity. Do not allow others to disrespect you in any ways. Don’t make excuses when others mistreat you, like, he wasn’t feeling well, or I made him mad, he’s usually not like this.

Take care of yourself. Often victims are caretakers who look to the needs of others and do not look after their own needs. Somewhere along the line they believed that taking care of themselves was selfishness, so instead they focused on those around them. The problem is we cannot take care of anyone if we haven’t taken care of ourselves.

If you decide to leave the relationship, make sure you let others know what you are doing. People need each other, it’s the way we were made. Let others help you. Some would be happy to lend a hand. There may come a time when you will be the one helping someone else, but for now, ask for help.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish Peggy was still alive. I know we would have been involved in each other’s lives. We would have shared a lot of good times and even shared our grandkids.

I’m certain when she married her husband it was for life. No bride ever thinks their relationship will end violently, and yet, some will. 

Anne Peterson is a poet, speaker and author of 42 published Bible Studies as well as the author of articles for ChristianBibleStudies.com. You can find out more about Anne by going to her site, www.annepeterson.com Anne is also the sister of Peggy Dianovsky who was a victim of domestic violence.