Battle Fatigue: The War for Peace

By: Todd Blumhorst

We have been thrown blindly into a war in which we never wanted to fight. They entered our lives like a thief in the dark; they not only took our loved one, they also made a declaration of war upon our souls. Did they not expect us to react when they took our loved one from us? Did they think we would sit idly by and watch justice slip away? This was your Pearl Harbor, a blind attack from nowhere. You weren’t prepared for the horror, but you were forced to fight.

Sometimes it is a short battle for justice where someone is caught and the criminal justice system is able to secure a conviction and the person is sent away for a long time. Other times, it can be a very long and drawn out ordeal for those survivors seeking justice for their loved ones. For those cases that go unresolved for years, the toll on the survivors is devastatingly painful to endure. These battles can also have multiple fronts and you may feel like you are fighting in many directions. The perpetrator may be free and you battle the fear of retaliation. You may have a case that simply lacks any viable physical evidence; a battle with frustration can wear on one’s soul. In some cases, the police don’t work the case as they should for a myriad of reasons; the battle of apathy can be one of the most vicious on the survivors. How does one engage in these battles for months and years? How does one find peace when justice is absent? How do you maintain sanity in an insane situation? These are questions many survivors have asked many times before.

My war started on Thursday, September 20, 1990 in Mendota, Illinois when my sister vanished without a trace. She disappeared in a 25 foot span of space from our garage, where she parked upon returning home from work, to our home. In the initial investigation it was found that her boyfriend made self-incriminating statements that indicated he had murdered my sister. His comments could not constitute a confession because no body was found and there were no signs of struggle. The first front in my war was established. As her case made its way through the trenches of the legal system many mistakes were made and her case became political. Her case suffered further battle wounds as did the hearts of those who loved Veronica. Now I had 2 battle fronts going in this war. The case drug out for an inordinate length of time and we often went years with no word from the police but they would always say her case was being investigated actively when they were questioned about the progress. In 2004 a new investigator was placed in charge of her case, my 3rd battlefront was established. The new investigator dated my sister at one point and we as a family felt there was a conflict of interest since there was a relationship between the victim and the investigator. Rumors had spread around town that he was possibly involved in her murder which added to the stress of this war. I am still in the trenches of this war 21 years and four months later, I continue in my fight for justice for my sister.

Today, I consider myself a battle scarred veteran of this 21 year war. The devastatingly sad part is that I am not alone; there are tens of thousands in my position. We suffer from battle fatigue from our individual wars. Our scars are not visible on the outside; but if you could see our souls, then the scars would be blatantly obvious. We walk around as wounded warriors and many walk past us with no awareness of our wounds. How do we survive? How do we survive this war? How do we find peace when there is no justice? Survivor battle fatigue can wear one out both physically and emotionally. It can manifest into physical ailments and a high percentage of survivors suffer from chronic illnesses. The psychological trauma often has the power to change thought patterns and beliefs as well as the increase of psychological disorders such as PTSD and a state of constant hyper vigilance.

There is no easy answer to these quandaries many survivors face. The trenches of this war are filled with perils and obstacles. The only way to really get through this war is one day at a time. You are going to have many bad days, but you will also have good days. Realizing you don’t have a lot of control at this point is difficult to face, but it is the reality. Adding to your battle wounds by beating yourself up over areas you cannot control is a common survivor problem. Letting go of things out of your control will help you manage emotions much easier and it will reduce stress on your mind and body. Nature can be an effective healer to the human spirit; immersing yourself in the tranquility of nature will allow your mind to rest some from the busy world around you and give you a moment of peace. Cherishing those brief moments of peace is beneficial to your soul because it keeps hope for longer periods of peace alive. Helping others can help rebuild that human connection and trust; it can even be small acts of kindness that help ease your mind.

There is no magic trick that will ever totally erase the pain you feel from the devastating loss you have experienced. It is truly a battle in which you have been forced to face, but peace is possible. You will never be the same person and you will have a new reality to live in, but building new bridges and connections are essential for survival. If you are having debilitating psychological issues years after the homicide, you may also need to seek a professional for help. It is not a sign of weakness to see a professional; it is a sign of strength. Time alone will not heal your wounds; it is what you do with that time that matters. Your life was changed forever on that date but you made it through the ordeal, you may be badly scarred, but you have survived. Abraham Lincoln once said: “I am not concerned that you have fallen; I am concerned that you arise.” Mustering the strength to rise can be monumental, but it is possible.

Todd J. Blumhorst, Advocate,
Assistant Volunteer Coordinator

Homicide Survivors Inc.
32 N. Stone Ave. #1408
Tucson, Az. 85701

520.740.5729
azhomicidesurvivors.org

Morgan Harrington: Praying The Killer is Found

By Susan Murphy-Milano

I would like to believe there is a special place in hell reserved for evil monsters to travel who murder and take the lives of innocent angels here on earth.

The killer of Morgan Harrington is on that list. On October 17, 2009 Morgan attended a Metallica concert at the John Paul Arena. On January 26, 2010 her body was discovered at Anchorage Farm, Albemarle County, Virginia. The person(s) responsible at large, presumably still in the Charlottesville area. Morgan’s remains were left as though she were discarded and deliberately dumped like a piece of garbage. I could talk about the person responsible for murdering Morgan but law enforcement has yet to apprehend her killer. There may not be an arrest as of yet for this murdering hijacker of life, but I do know one thing for certain, this individual is breathing, living, talking and walking free among us.

If I had to describe the person he is a someone who blends in easily in any daily setting. If you work at Starbucks you could have handed him a cup of hot coffee over the weekend. Maybe this person stood in front of you in at the grocery store. It could be a person with whom you attend church. Maybe it is the helpful neighbor you know the guy who is always smiling and helps you with yard projects. Or when you need a jump because your car battery died he is Johnny on the spot with the jumper cables.

It could be the man who just proposed marriage recently to your own daughter. It is important because this seemingly nice man may have murdered an innocent angel.

Someone on those concert grounds at the John Paul Arena witnessed something. Either they are too fearful to come forward or think what they may have seen is not important, but in an unsolved murder investigation every detail leads to an important piece that is missing in the puzzle. What you may believe is silly or a waste of time to bother with, it is not! Did you see someone that looked like Morgan stumble or look like she needed help while you were attending the concert?


I am asking you to look closely at the photo of Morgan Harrington. I mean really look at it. She was very attractive and easily would have stood out in a crowded auditorium. Maybe she said "excuse me" as she passed by and you noticed her smiling at a person by an entrance or exit door. Perhaps in passing you noticed her in the ladies room. Or you could have seen her interacting with someone on the concert grounds. Morgan would not vanish on her own she likely left with a trusted person.

Dr. and Mrs. Harrington, Morgan’s parents, are waiting for anyone with information to come forward. Their lives have been turned inside out and upside down as they bow their heads in prayer asking God for answers. Their faith shaken at the possibility someone out there holds the key to their daughter’s killer.

Trauma to the spirit and soul when you have lost a child or a family member is no different than reaching inside a person and literally removing one’s heart. For this family they hold onto to the hope their daughter’s killer is apprehended. It is what fuels their days and restless nights.

With grace, beauty and wisdom the family maintains a blog, a journal of hope really with words of wisdom for survivors of murder.

In keeping the light buring brightly on this case Crime Wire on Blogtalk radio with hosts Vito Colucci, Jr, Denny Griffith and myself will have the Harrington's on the show to discuss the unsolved murder of Morgan Harrington ,Tuesday, July 13, 2010 at 9:00 PM Eastern time.

The family asks that any information that might help in the investigation of this case be directed to: Virginia State Police tip line (434) 352-3467 (434) 352-3467 .

There is also a $150,000 reward being offered.

"The House on Gilmore Street"

By Susan Murphy Milano

The front lawn of the house was filled with autumn leaves. The windows were covered with handmade decorations the children made of pumpkins, turkeys, indian's and pilgrams. For the two young boys who once lived in the house on Gilmore street, fall was their favorite time of year. The boys ages 9 and 7 loved to roll around and play in the leaves before it was time to rake them up and fill the trash bags. They also knew the holidays were drawing near. Thanksgiving couldn't come fast enough because they knew Christmas was not far behind and for the boys that meant Santa Claus and lots of presents under the tree.

But things would be very different this year. The house on Gilmore street was not decorated and the autum leaves, undisturbed, except when a wind came to blow and scatter them to a different spot on the lawn. The house even as I drove past was different, dark with one large silver trash can sitting at the base of the driveway instead of the usual three filled to its' brim waiting for its scheduled pick-up on garbage day. There were no decorations on the windows and the only light you could see was at the far end of the house.

This will be the first of many holidays without her two boys, Jack and Duncan for their mother, Amy Lichtenberg. Their lives were taken away abruptly by a mans anger and rage. In the aftermath of a heated and contested divorce, the boys father during a court order visitation would, under protest, from Amy for the boys safety, be under a judge's order to allow unsupervised weekend visits.


The last time Amy saw her two boys alive, that motherly instinct took over and she knew something was not right. The father of the boys was acting strange when they met at the police station for the exchange of Jack and Duncan. Amy refused to hand over her boys on March 7, 2009, an officer threatened her if she didn't give them to their father, she would be arrested for not complying with a judge's according to her lawyer.

Remarkably, Amy Leichtenberg, under the circumstances is doing fairly well for a mother who just lost her entire world. When she and I talk she says " I will not let that monster who destroyed my life, win. That's what he wanted you know, (she says with great conviction) , he thought without my kids I would wither and die. Well I hope he is rotting in hell someplace for what he did and I am going to make each day on earth count, for my kids. For other parents so they won''t have to endure what I have. I am going to get laws past so that a person who is not mentally stable like their father was, has no access to children. The same way a predator is dealt within the justice system and denyed contact with children."

In an hour long radio interview back in September, Amy provided hope, strength and determination for those facing difficult custody battles with the court system. Frankly, I had a difficult time remaining composed as I asked very personal and painful questions of a mother whom had lost her children just a few short months before the interview.

The house on Gilmore street will never again hear the laughter of children. A mother will never wait in the kitchen as the kids run in after school only to run out again and play before it gets dark. This mother will never prepare another favorite meal of macaroni and cheese let alone a holiday feast. Those days are gone. The lights that once burned brightly from within this house, are now but a memory.

I thought it would be a nice idea if people reading this could take a moment and send an inspiring email or words of comfort to this remarkable mother, who needs for all of us to keep her in our daily prayers. Emails to Amy can be sent to our address here: timesupblog@gmail.com and we will forward them on to her.


Interview with Amy Leichtenberg