Gone Too Soon

The tragic loss of Ari kept me awake nearly all last night. Not good when I have a very long day of travels...finally, upon my own reflection of his passing....I cannot help but be confirmed that there is "more" than just a horrific loss of a beautiful, sweet 2-year old child. Why such a tragedy for his mother, a woman whose life calling has directed her towards helping families of missing by giving them a place to gather, reflect and support one another? (Peace4TheMissing) Why do bad things happen to good people?

As many of you know we lose so many brilliant minds to death by water...drownings, lake accidents, wandering into the path of a river. Perhaps there is more than we are aware. I wrote this to Sara this morning. I hope that it is not "too soon" and that she may find comfort in knowing perhaps her beautiful child passed in a way that none of us will ever fully understand...until one day, when our time comes. I wrote...

My heart aches for you Sara and your family. As a mother I cannot imagine the pain, nor the hurt of extreme loss of a beautiful child. I know finding the words to convey my thoughts… with the hopes of perhaps lessoning a bit of your pain….that you will find some comfort from what I've recognized about death by water a number of years back. 

Perhaps in some way this will "lesson" the pain, albeit… perhaps not right away.  We lose so many brilliant minds to water that one has to stop and look at this from another perspective. Water is symbolic of many things holy and in many different religions.

Perhaps it is God's portal to those chosen special to join him in heaven? Moses parted the Red Sea, water is used in baptisms for Christians, holy water is found in the Catholic church, our own bodies made up of 65% water, when God created earth…water was his pride and water is a necessity staple for those of us still on earth, water cleanses and washes away impurities…this taught by God. At Buddhist funerals water is placed in bowls, to Hindus all water is sacred and special attention to lakes, rivers and streams, Muslims are bathed in water as part of their ritual when one has passed, the Jewish faith practices that all earthly bodies are immediately cleansed as soon as can be done as water is holy and cleanses the departed to a restored state of purity, Japanese who practice Shintu utilize and recognize that water is sacred as are waterfalls and bath troughs placed for ritual washings in many places.

We are all born from the sack of waters that nourish and kept us until it is time to enter this world. I do not believe water is an "accident" or "coincidental"….I believe it is one of God's miracles that he has specially chosen as holy and symbolic..even to him.  It is the one major connection to all nature, humans and religions. I would like to think that perhaps only special ones are chosen to enter the gates of heaven through God's special creation. Water.

For those who may think water is the most horrific passing….perhaps God knows better. Perhaps we, left behind, shall open our eyes to more awareness, faith and beliefs that no matter the passing…those who depart are safe in the arms of the Lord…and those who have passed by water…a symbolic purpose may have happened and we are all too busy in our lives to recognize some of God's signs. Those who are developmentally challenged and those who have cognitive disabilities are almost always drawn to water when they wander away from "safety."

There has to be a reason. I'd like to think that Ari's passing was not one of horror or fear for him…but one in which God's angels called for him and he followed.  My prayers, always.

Please pray for Sara Huizenga , her other children, husband and family. They truly need our prayers.

Respectfully,

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.

NamUs-Victim Advocate (NH)

Phone: 603.965.4621
Cell: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.com

LostNMissing Inc., is an all-volunteer national tax-exempt organization under section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code (the "code") and qualifies as a public supported organization under Sections, or Categories: P99 (Human Services - Multipurpose and Other N.E.C.); M99 (Other Public Safety, Disaster Preparedness, and Relief N.E.C.); I01 (Alliance/Advocacy Organizations). LostNMissing is organized and incorporated under the laws of the State of New Hampshire. We never charge a fee for our services.

Public Grieving. Yes or No?

by Cynthia Caron

I recently had a family member of a missing brother, located deceased, tell me that her family is unhappy that she exposes her soul in grief to her brother publicly online. Apparently his wife and children do not like that she always writes on his "missing page" her feelings and the family feels grief should be "private." It did not take me long to think about how to respond, after all I too turned "public" with my own grief in the passing of my mother 8 months ago, and I explained "It sounds like your family all grieve in different ways and may find it puzzling as to why you've chosen your way to grieve publicly?" I further explained, from my view, that one of the remarkable things about grieving online is that there is a world of support "at your fingertips" and it enables you to people who not only has experienced the same but also wonderful and kind words that you may never have heard before in your own small circle and family? Sometimes those words are the perfect messages of comfort that you never thought before which can help you through your grief."

There is something about sharing emotions and learning new and positive ways to cope that aids in the grieving process. This is not something new due to the internet, fact is many years ago entire villages used to gather to mourn the passing of another member of their community. All over the world there are different rituals and ceremonies built around public gatherings of strangers to mourn the loss of "one of their own." We too do this in many ways from gathering when a young soldier is killed overseas and his or her body returns to our towns and we do the same when we have public candlelight vigils for our missing as well as for tragic deaths that may have occurred in our towns. I think in my own personal life the first "event" I was exposed to with a public "gathering" was when President John F. Kennedy was shot and all homes gathered around their televisions and everywhere I went with my parents I saw the grief and heard the conversations. There was something comforting about having such a bond and seeing so many people "experiencing the same" and being able to talk about it. Public postings on social network sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, is another way of being able to reach out in a more personal level to others for comfort and solace. It does not mean one is not receiving it "at home" or that one is looking for "attention' it is merely one is using all tools available to them to gain insight and to bond and learn from others who have experienced the same…and every person who has ever had someone they love pass away can relate. I think it is a positive move towards healing and building self-awareness and is healthy.

In helping her, I suggested that perhaps her sister in law is not in the same place of grief as to where she is and maybe the public posting makes her feel "guilty" in some way that she cannot bring herself to post as she is not at that level, or *stage, in her own grief process, and perhaps she start a new page, or blog, and title it "My brother's in heaven?" This way her sister in law and nieces can decide if they wish to go and read, join in the postings…or not. What do you think? Do you think public grieving should be kept private?

To learn more about the 5-stages of Grief, and Complicated Grief, go to: http://lostnmissing.org/in-memory-2/

Cynthia Caron
President/Founder
LostNMissing, Inc.

NamUs-Victim Advocate (NH)

Phone: 603.965.4621
Cell: 603.548.6548
www.lostnmissing.com

LostNMissing Inc., is an all-volunteer national tax-exempt organization under section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code (the "code") and qualifies as a public supported organization under Sections, or Categories: P99 (Human Services - Multipurpose and Other N.E.C.); M99 (Other Public Safety, Disaster Preparedness, and Relief N.E.C.); I01 (Alliance/Advocacy Organizations). LostNMissing is organized and incorporated under the laws of the State of New Hampshire. We never charge a fee for our services.