Thursday, November 5, 2009

Regrets, Remorse and Redirection— Now Is Your Time To Live!

 By Pamela Chapman

Have you made some choices lately that you’ve regretted? How about some choices in your lifetime? I don’t know about you, but I have.  Is there any guilt or shame for your choices?

I was born to Robert and Louise who came from dysfunctional families. In turn, every weekend my mother and I ran for our lives. I promised that no one would ever put their hands on me. If they did, I was going to jail and they were going to the hospital if not the morgue. I swore no one would ever physically abuse me and they did not! Instead, I met, what appeared to be at first, a wonderful man who was very good to me from a material point of view. I lived in a lovely home, in an affluent neighborhood with my son going to fine schools. However, I was being abused emotionally and what’s even sadder, I was clueless.

Really, all the signs were there from the very beginning. I was treated like a queen but, everything I attempted to do was belittled. I was the brunt of my husband’s jokes. Gradually, I stopped believing in myself, stopped having my own opinion, and literally lost who I was. It all seemed so innocent at first. I thought it was even cute. However, when I decided to improve myself, when I decided to go after my college degree, that is when my husband came home telling me that he needed to find himself and that me and my eight-year-old child needed to leave. I refused. I wanted to “work it out.” My self-esteem as well as my child’s self-esteem suffered terribly. My son has paid a large price for my remaining in my unhealthy situation.

I started out asking if you had made some choices in your lifetime that you regret. Trust me; we’ve all made some choices that we wish we hadn’t.  But, if there is any remorse, may I gently suggest that you begin to discover how to forgive. Now, I know that’s easier said than done, but in order to go forth with your life not just existing but living a purpose-filled abundant life—in order to be free and to fly you’ve got to forgive starting with yourself. Not forgiving disallows the healing that must begin for your redirection. I believe it is the first step and is vital.

You can reconsider, re-chart and redirect your path. Absolutely! It’s never, ever impossible or too late. Only when you take the last breath will it be too late. It’s not necessarily easy but reach out and get the help and assistance you so deserve.

Here are three simple steps to start you along your way:
  1. Every morning be grateful that you are yet alive and give thanks. This doesn’t have to be some long, eloquent prayer—just a simple, “thank you for this day,” will do. You may not be able to articulate what you feel, but the All Powerful Creator knows your heart.

  1. Say this affirmation:
Even though I have made some bad choices, I completely and fully love myself. I forgive myself and those who have sought to hurt me.”

This is an affirmation we use with Emotional Freedom Technique® coaching. Remember, forgiving others does not mean allowing them back into your life or giving them permission to hurt you and your precious family again. Forgiveness empowers You.

  1. Begin to journal.
Journaling is an excellent tool for releasing penned up emotion such as anger, guilt, shame, and unforgiveness.
Write it, release it and be free!

There is no limit in you. You are the amazement and wonder of God! Be healed. Now is your time to live!

Pamela Chapman, CTACC, CDVS
Self-Esteem and Life-Transition Expert, Teacher, Author
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  1. Your suggestions are great. I have kept a journal for many yeras now and it has helped me in looking back at what my mindset was at the time. It has helped me to see clearer.
    Thank you.

  2. The information on this site is exceptional when I come here I find a wealth of knowledge in one place.

    Keep up the good work and for making an impact on my life I know thousands of others, too!

    Toni Birgannte, Queens, NY

  3. This is just what I needed to read today. Thank you.

    A DV survivor.


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